should i reach out or let him?

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by triplearies on Monday, January 15, 2018 and has 42 replies.
Hi guys,

As you can tell by my name, I am triple Aries and I've recently met my first Cancer.

We were on a plane together coming back from Thailand. He lives in Spain, I'm in Italy. There is a significant age difference. (He's younger).

He was sitting next to me and within 3 minutes of sitting down he was talking to me. I rarely talk to people on planes but he got me the second I saw him. By the time the plane took off we were deep in conversation.

Basically we talked the whole flight. As we get near landing he kisses me. Then he asks me if I would be willing to visit him in Spain and if I had a problem with the age difference. I said of course I'd come to Spain and no the age wasn't an issue for me.

We kissed again and were holding hands in the terminal. He had to leave for his connecting flight and me for mine. We connected on Insta (these millenials!) and I sent him an empty email so he would have my address.

The day he got back he wrote me how amazing it was to meet me and nothing else. I responded that I would never forget that airport ever again and he wrote back "me neither". But there was no additional conversation or talk about seeing each other again. He's quick to like every picture I post on Instagram but since we got back we haven't spoken again. I know he was with his family and friends for a few days, rounding out his vacation, and was partying pretty hard. I think today is his first day back in the office and at his home.

Do I wait for him to reach out? Should I send him a mail? I know Cancers sometimes pull away to see if you like them, and given the age difference he might be concerned that I thought the whole thing was a funny plane story and that's it. But he didn't seem shy about taking the lead before so I don't want to come on too strong.

Any advice or ideas is welcome!!

Thanks
Kissing someone sooo soon and randomly like that makes me think he was only attracted to you physically. Also think that because he hasn’t messaged you. Cancers love to talk to the ones they really like. They don’t care about who talks first. I’m pretty sure it was just a “fling”.
You brought up the age difference twice. What is it?
14 years
Posted by pinkbird03
Kissing someone sooo soon and randomly like that makes me think he was only attracted to you physically. Also think that because he hasn’t messaged you. Cancers love to talk to the ones they really like. They don’t care about who talks first. I’m pretty sure it was just a “fling”.
I thought the same thing too, but I was wondering why he asked me if I would come visit him. Also, as I mentioned, he was with his family and friends - and had to deal with some health issues due to an accident he had in Thailand - for the last couple of days.

I'm not negating that it could have been just a good plane story, but he was pretty taken with me.

Message him with open ended question. Cancers do love to talk but sometimes a small nudge might help. Risk it.
Posted by Lionness718
Message him with open ended question. Cancers do love to talk but sometimes a small nudge might help. Risk it.
I was just going to ask him if everything was ok with his head (he had an accident in thailand and was going home to see a doctor there as well.
Reach out 😊 You don’t have anything to lose
maybe I should just flat out ask him if he wants to keep in touch. the only thing it will hurt is my ego. I mean if he's not interested I just lose something that was never mine anyway.
Posted by triplearies
Posted by pinkbird03
Kissing someone sooo soon and randomly like that makes me think he was only attracted to you physically. Also think that because he hasn’t messaged you. Cancers love to talk to the ones they really like. They don’t care about who talks first. I’m pretty sure it was just a “fling”.
I thought the same thing too, but I was wondering why he asked me if I would come visit him. Also, as I mentioned, he was with his family and friends - and had to deal with some health issues due to an accident he had in Thailand - for the last couple of days.

I'm not negating that it could have been just a good plane story, but he was pretty taken with me.

click to expand
I’m sure he was! No doubt. But realistically, probably knows it wouldn’t work out. And he may have a gf or like someone else from his hometown.
Posted by triplearies
14 years
Me 2!!!


Who is older?

If you are, just message him and clearly state what you want.

You're the grown one.

If he doesn't want the same, at least you know that you are free to.do something else.




I’m sure he was! No doubt. But realistically, probably knows it wouldn’t work out. And he may have a gf or like someone else from his hometown.


:-) No I doubt that there's any chance for a serious long term relationship to happen - though one never knows. I know he doesn't have a girlfriend. We went over his whole history. Said he was so picky about women.

Posted by DMV
Posted by triplearies
14 years
Me 2!!!


Who is older?

If you are, just message him and clearly state what you want.

You're the grown one.

If he doesn't want the same, at least you know that you are free to.do something else.
click to expand
I am. He's 28. Though quite mature for his age.

I was kind of doing exactly as you say, like just put it out there. But I didn't want to scare him off.

I think anything serious will be challenging, but I thought we could have a nice easy "story" if he was down for it.

Younger men Tongue
28 is a good age. He could be more mature than you know.


28/29 is a life changing time for people. Saturn Return etc.


I met my sag lover when I was 28 or so and he is 7 years older than me.

He is what I needed at the time.

You may be whay he needs.

But you never know till you shoot your shot
@DMV I know we'd be really good for each other. We had a super easy natural connection. He kept saying he felt like he'd known me forever.

And he's kind of exactly what I need right now as well.

Maybe I'll give him another couple of days to get settled. He hasn't been home since mid-December.
Posted by MyStarsShine
Younger men Tongue
LOL. They LOVE me.

My triple Ariesness and Mars in gemini tends to make me more fun than people even of that age, but I have the wisdom of age.

Men my own age can't keep up with me energetically.

Posted by triplearies
Posted by MyStarsShine
Younger men Tongue
LOL. They LOVE me.

My triple Ariesness and Mars in gemini tends to make me more fun than people even of that age, but I have the wisdom of age.

Men my own age can't keep up with me energetically.

click to expand
Nice

I've had a few Tongue
Posted by triplearies
Hi guys,

As you can tell by my name, I am triple Aries and I've recently met my first Cancer.

We were on a plane together coming back from Thailand. He lives in Spain, I'm in Italy. There is a significant age difference. (He's younger).

He was sitting next to me and within 3 minutes of sitting down he was talking to me. I rarely talk to people on planes but he got me the second I saw him. By the time the plane took off we were deep in conversation.

Basically we talked the whole flight. As we get near landing he kisses me. Then he asks me if I would be willing to visit him in Spain and if I had a problem with the age difference. I said of course I'd come to Spain and no the age wasn't an issue for me.

We kissed again and were holding hands in the terminal. He had to leave for his connecting flight and me for mine. We connected on Insta (these millenials!) and I sent him an empty email so he would have my address.

The day he got back he wrote me how amazing it was to meet me and nothing else. I responded that I would never forget that airport ever again and he wrote back "me neither". But there was no additional conversation or talk about seeing each other again. He's quick to like every picture I post on Instagram but since we got back we haven't spoken again. I know he was with his family and friends for a few days, rounding out his vacation, and was partying pretty hard. I think today is his first day back in the office and at his home.

Do I wait for him to reach out? Should I send him a mail? I know Cancers sometimes pull away to see if you like them, and given the age difference he might be concerned that I thought the whole thing was a funny plane story and that's it. But he didn't seem shy about taking the lead before so I don't want to come on too strong.

Any advice or ideas is welcome!!

Thanks
Message or wirte him. He hasn't pulled back because you havent really started anything yet.

Posted by FireInLuv
Don't waste your emotional energy on this. Stop now. You are too old for this fairy tale world love affair you want to come about. You are 42 he is 28. He's in Spain you are in Italy. You kissed within seconds of meeting on a plane. You are an Aries he is a Cancer. You are doing what a typical Aries would do in this situation. Fantasize what you can't have. The dream is better than reality. Stay grounded.
Lol. Guessing you’re an Aries too?

As a super typical Aries I am guilty as charged. However in my defense, HE kissed me and it was after 6 hours of talking (super long haul flight).

If I were marriage minded this would be a pitiful waste of time...but I’m not. I am extremely busy with a very full life and a potentially part time lover in another country sounds awesome.

So until I’m clear he’s defs not interested I do want to let it run its course. Though when/if I hit the wall, I will come back and give you your props.

But thank you for your wise advice (not being sarcastic!!)


Well if it's just for sex go chase him. If he's interested it shouldn't be that hard....right? Just sex.



You would think, but men these days leave me frequently speechless. It’s like they feel used or something if you tell them you’re ok with just sex.

I would reach out, but then let him lead.... at least assure that there is balance also him initiating texts.

I had a somehow similar story, he reached out to me 3-4 days after we parted ways. The communication was ok until we met for the second time. After that we had a fallout (I told him I couldn’t continue this long distance thing), but over the last months we reconnected again and although we are not in constant contact we will be meeting soon Winking)). Me im cap...

All I can say is that cancer men are not eager to call nor text (feels like pulling teeth), but they don’t forget you so easily. You might think that all is long over but then dang! they are still there.
Back in June I also met a Cancer while on holidays. He too is younger, even though not so young.

We met at a diving club and he was one of my diving buddies.

I immediately found him gorgeous but when I heard his age I put the idea aside. But we had a great time and ended up kissing.

To me it was all a vacation fling.

But once we returned to our home countries he did the chase.

We spoke every single day since we met, 6-7 months ago. And we still do.

He made all the arrangements for us to meet, sent me flowers to work, surprised me at the airport with flowers, showers me with attention.

I think the difference between your story and mine is that I never took this very seriously. I even considered stop it a few times because I was not comfortable with him being younger.

But I have to tell you that a few weeks after we met, even though we were speaking everyday, I told him straight away that I didnt give anyone else that sort of attention. That if I was using my time speaking to him everyday he would better move his ass and visit me (we live 3 hours away). I hinted he was being all talk and no action! He immediately arranged to meet me 😀

I struggled a bit in the first months but now I feel fully ready to accept his love! We are planning to move in together.

My mum is going through some seriously health issues and he is showing to be a great MAN. We came to see my parents twice already and he even takes care of my mum while she is sick..helping her eat, etc

So anyway, what I wanted to say is that even though Im living a beautiful love story now (After a big fail with a Sag), in the beggining I told him to walk the talk or I would be out. Long story short, tell him you enjoyed meeting him and the kiss, but now you wanna see some actions, otherwise you move on.
Posted by Arielle83
Are u a millennial at 42?
by definition millennials are born in the early 80's, so, no I am not.

Posted by IamAries
Back in June I also met a Cancer while on holidays. He too is younger, even though not so young.

We met at a diving club and he was one of my diving buddies.

I immediately found him gorgeous but when I heard his age I put the idea aside. But we had a great time and ended up kissing.

To me it was all a vacation fling.

But once we returned to our home countries he did the chase.

We spoke every single day since we met, 6-7 months ago. And we still do.

He made all the arrangements for us to meet, sent me flowers to work, surprised me at the airport with flowers, showers me with attention.

I think the difference between your story and mine is that I never took this very seriously. I even considered stop it a few times because I was not comfortable with him being younger.

But I have to tell you that a few weeks after we met, even though we were speaking everyday, I told him straight away that I didnt give anyone else that sort of attention. That if I was using my time speaking to him everyday he would better move his ass and visit me (we live 3 hours away). I hinted he was being all talk and no action! He immediately arranged to meet me 😀

I struggled a bit in the first months but now I feel fully ready to accept his love! We are planning to move in together.

My mum is going through some seriously health issues and he is showing to be a great MAN. We came to see my parents twice already and he even takes care of my mum while she is sick..helping her eat, etc

So anyway, what I wanted to say is that even though Im living a beautiful love story now (After a big fail with a Sag), in the beggining I told him to walk the talk or I would be out. Long story short, tell him you enjoyed meeting him and the kiss, but now you wanna see some actions, otherwise you move on.
OMG hysterical the guy I broke up with before I met this person was a Sag.

Congratulations on your story it sounds lovely.

Given that you were speaking every day I can say we are definitely on two different paths.

Actually the more I think about this the less interested I am in trying to even pursue a fling.
LOL. The charm of the Spanish man... trying to get with a woman.

I have so many Spanish friends I have learned to steer clear of them romantically
Posted by Arielle83
Posted by triplearies
Posted by Arielle83
Are u a millennial at 42?
by definition millennials are born in the early 80's, so, no I am not.

Ok because you mentioned something about millenials because you used Instagram.
click to expand
I think she ment she used the instagram, because the guy is on insta, like all millennials smile
Posted by triplearies
14 years
Common! Yes!

I’ve heard so much from younger man ‘i like older women’ and my reply was ‘so if you telling men you orefferbsugging boobs to a perky - then I must say I prefer impotent to an able men!’

How ridiculous is it? Unless he is super ugly and can’t find woman of his age to be with! Wake up! Lower yoir expectation!

It’s ridiculous!
Posted by IamAries
Back in June I also met a Cancer while on holidays. He too is younger, even though not so young.

We met at a diving club and he was one of my diving buddies.

I immediately found him gorgeous but when I heard his age I put the idea aside. But we had a great time and ended up kissing.

To me it was all a vacation fling.

But once we returned to our home countries he did the chase.

We spoke every single day since we met, 6-7 months ago. And we still do.

He made all the arrangements for us to meet, sent me flowers to work, surprised me at the airport with flowers, showers me with attention.

I think the difference between your story and mine is that I never took this very seriously. I even considered stop it a few times because I was not comfortable with him being younger.

But I have to tell you that a few weeks after we met, even though we were speaking everyday, I told him straight away that I didnt give anyone else that sort of attention. That if I was using my time speaking to him everyday he would better move his ass and visit me (we live 3 hours away). I hinted he was being all talk and no action! He immediately arranged to meet me 😀

I struggled a bit in the first months but now I feel fully ready to accept his love! We are planning to move in together.

My mum is going through some seriously health issues and he is showing to be a great MAN. We came to see my parents twice already and he even takes care of my mum while she is sick..helping her eat, etc

So anyway, what I wanted to say is that even though Im living a beautiful love story now (After a big fail with a Sag), in the beggining I told him to walk the talk or I would be out. Long story short, tell him you enjoyed meeting him and the kiss, but now you wanna see some actions, otherwise you move on.
This is so sweet ! I had to point it out !

Posted by triplearies
Posted by Lionness718
Message him with open ended question. Cancers do love to talk but sometimes a small nudge might help. Risk it.
I was just going to ask him if everything was ok with his head (he had an accident in thailand and was going home to see a doctor there as well.
click to expand
That! Is an answer...
Posted by triplearies

I’m sure he was! No doubt. But realistically, probably knows it wouldn’t work out. And he may have a gf or like someone else from his hometown.


:-) No I doubt that there's any chance for a serious long term relationship to happen - though one never knows. I know he doesn't have a girlfriend. We went over his whole history. Said he was so picky about women.



Except those who could technically be his mothers... COMMON!!!


However, if op is 42, she's too damn old to be in limerence over an airplane kiss.

She sold herself to the millennia devils by creating an Instagram account because of some stranger on a plane.


Incorrect reporting of the information I provided, but since you've touched on the question of what one should and shouldn't be doing at their age (which is a bit like generalizing millennials) over the age of 35 your levels of oxytocin increase, making it increasingly more difficult to distinguish between love and one night stands. Feel free to Google it. :-)

Just wanted to say a quick thank you to all of the people who tried to genuinely offer their assistance.

I forgot how quickly these message boards degenerate into trashcans for people's pent up aggression.

Be well!
honey, I'm not trying to fight with you. I never said this was love.

have a beautiful day.
I think this is a really good story.

Sorry for the drama on this thread, I don't know why people acting so offended..

Don't be scared to just push on him one time, but then remember to keep it cool. Sinces he's younger, be light.. You are Gemini Mars, that's probably natural to you. As a cancer, I know how needy behavior repulses us. We might actually get startled from the aggression.. And then you are blocked. We do things when we are perfectly good and ready.. Not before and not a minute late. Strict on how we take action.

But he sounds cool, like a man worth getting to know. I don't blame you and I don't see why not talk to him just because he's younger. He's legal, and a sexually active adult just like you and that's what matters.. He's not a little ass boy.. I don't know what all that trippin came from. 42 isn't that old, you probably look damn good for your age and I woulda kissed you too if who you are aroused me during that plane flight.

Cancers can like older women, and that's not even hard to believe. We like motherly women and we like them wise.. I'm a Cancer sun with Venus in the 10th. I actually PREFER women to have an age or two on me... But the again, I see myself settling with a younger girl because I'm easy to look up to and attachable.. I probably couldn't shake a younger woman.. I actually always broke up with a younger girl.

But all that talk about him being ugly and that's why he's going after you is some nonsense... I always found that men who were perceived as physically unattractive tend to go for little girls, women that are barely women (17-20), or are just pedophilic to some degree, or date the mentally challenged.. Because it's all about manipulation and control.. It's just easy for a young girl to fall in, regardless of looks, especially if they got money.
Old ass men don't want women their age and sometimes a woman might try a man younger...

I hang around too many men not to know these things. Everytime I look up, some old guy talking about "I want some young pussy.. How the fuck is we both in the bed old and wrinkly as shit, I can't do nothing with that.. 21 is just fine, but shit, gimme 18-19).

And those are kind of the exact words I heard from a guy in his 50's ..

They also got strategy on how to game younger women as a man in your late 30's and 40's.

Don't nobody talk much shit when it's a older man wanting a younger women.. That's just the way it goes huh?
Emhendo - He's not ugly and neither am I. If I didn't tell you I was 42 you would never know. I think the confusion (and inexplicable aggression) came from the fact that people thought I was trying to turn this into a relationship. My bad for non explicitly stating that.

In its finest expression, to me, it could have been a couple of weekends here and there of food, wine, fun and sex. My experience with Cancers has only been female and I know that they hate being the one to call, but they also hate when people intrude on them, and they pull back it's always a test to see if the other person is actually interested. So I didn't want to scare him off....from an affair.

But yeah, I hear you on the men. I have two targets younger boys looking for experience & mommy and older older men who need a trophy. I've already had the pleasure of a marriage & divorce, and am setting up a company, so I'm not looking to get into anything serious. Between the boys and the older older men, I'll take the boys.


-------

Arielle says:

So you're aware that you can't make this distinction (due to your increased oxytocin at age 35) and since this is someone you don't know, then you might be rational enough to realise this isn't love.

Since you are able to google.

I just read a book called "love stinks" by Frank Tallis and he stated that the neediness and irrational love attachment after one night stands of women in their early 20s is related to rising oxytocin levels. I guess it peaks again after 35 due to another reason? Last chance to base on your genetic material?


User Submitted Image



Anyway, just to respond here...since you're interested in the subject, you are absolutely correct, I overly dumbed down the statement. You were correct to call me out.

Allow me to adjust that.

Oxytocin IS rising in the early 20's (from nothing) as the reproductive system develops and prepares itself for childbirth. Also the majority of clinical research done on Oxytocin has only been on rats, young women and men. Presumably the pharma companies were looking for some sort of angle. There is a major call for oxytocin research on "older" women in the research industry right now.

Key factors on Oxytocin levels later in life include a number of contextual components:

- has the woman had children? greater bonding contact = greater levels of oxytocin. this is less likely in women of early 20's in this generation, though likely different in the past

- does the woman have frequent and orgasmic sex? oxytocin peaks during orgasm, less sex, less orgasm, less oxytocin

- how are the estrogen levels? = our estrogen levels tend to be out of balance due to environmental issues, hormones in food, life style concerns, drinking, smoking, liver disease. greater levels of estrogen cause greater response from oxytocin. Of course as the woman enters into menopause both estrogen & oxytocin bottom out.

- was there early exposure to sexual abuse? research demonstrates a link of increased oxytocin influence where abuse was suffered.

and finally, additional research shows that with increasing age the ability to interpret emotional cues decreases as the attentioning mechanism in our brain is more drawn to the mouth area as opposed to the eyes. so while older people have an increase in their ability to trust and bond, their ability to read others emotional cues diminishes.

Here's a link to some papers if you're interested:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4516621/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3755210/



Arielle says:

So what do u think you're feeling? Limerence or love?

I've dated 28 yr olds and I feel it's just for fun.

Totally not on the same level long term.



Honestly, neither. If he calls me or doesn't call me, not one piece of my life will change.

But, I do like sex. I'm not dating. And a fling with a really cute 28 year old sounds like it could be fun.

Unless he turns out to be enlightened, which I did think he was mature for his age - but not mature - there is no chance that any interaction between us would go past a couple of weekends of fun. I am very clear on this.

I do think that age is difficult, though. I dated a director who was 32 years old and he was about 20 years older than me across the board. But that's not the case with this guy.

Either way, I've kind of already lost interest...like a good Aries.
Did you jump his bones yet ? Tongue Devil
Posted by MyStarsShine
Did you jump his bones yet ? Tongue Devil


Naaah. I'm over it. There's 6 weeks of all the planets direct and I do not want to waste that energy on stupid s**t. I want to say a massive thank you to all the comments here, were super super helpful.

Also to anyone who thinks 40 looks old and wrinkly, don't buy that. I look & feel better now than I did when I was 28 (and I was hot back then too) You'll see when you get here.

Big kiss to everyone.

Posted by Arielle83
Are u a millennial at 42?
LOL! I don't know why it amazes me when I see 30+ women behaving like teenagers because I have more than 2 in my own family. It's funny but age has nothing to do with maturity. For years I expected maturity from men way older than myself, but no luck there. Haha.