Help! Calling All Cappies
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by mimijiminy on Sunday, January 25, 2009 and has 23 replies.
So here's the 411: I was in a 7-month relationship with a Cappy man. He was fast and furious initially, while I took things slow. He was very understanding and patient and then it just all fell into place beautifully. He invited me to Europe to meet his family, which I did; asked me to move in with him (I couldn't so I didn't). It was all fantastic until it all started going downhill.
I found out he had been "sharing his bed" with a female houseguest from home...then learned he was communicating online with women on the same website through which we met, even though he told me he had cancelled his subscription...he became distant, our sex life dwindled...and then he decided to spend almost a month on holiday (including Christmas, his birthday and New Year) without me...and didn't even call me on New Year's Eve.
I broke up with him over the phone because at that point the level of disrespect had reached new heights. He didn't agree or disagree--all he said was I'd like to talk to you in person. I told him I didn't see the point in it. Harsh, I know, but I had had it. I'm not heartbroken, just disappointed and perplexed.
A week after we broke up, he called me and asked very sweetly and sensually to call him back as soon as I got the message (nothing urgent). I did the next day. It has now been a week and I haven't heard from him.
So my question is two-fold:
A) Is the way this relationship went down typical of Cappy men, reasonably speaking? I realize not everyone is the same.
B) And what's up with calling me and then disappearing?!
Thanks in advance!
I found out he had been "sharing his bed" with a female houseguest from home...then learned he was communicating online with women on the same website through which we met, even though he told me he had cancelled his subscription...he became distant, our sex life dwindled...and then he decided to spend almost a month on holiday (including Christmas, his birthday and New Year) without me...and didn't even call me on New Year's Eve.
I broke up with him over the phone because at that point the level of disrespect had reached new heights. He didn't agree or disagree--all he said was I'd like to talk to you in person. I told him I didn't see the point in it. Harsh, I know, but I had had it. I'm not heartbroken, just disappointed and perplexed.
A week after we broke up, he called me and asked very sweetly and sensually to call him back as soon as I got the message (nothing urgent). I did the next day. It has now been a week and I haven't heard from him.
So my question is two-fold:
A) Is the way this relationship went down typical of Cappy men, reasonably speaking? I realize not everyone is the same.
B) And what's up with calling me and then disappearing?!
Thanks in advance!
Nah, there's no way I insulted him or his family. The trip was a success. He asked me to move in the day we got back.
And no, he didn't say my name. I thought it might have been a wrong number, but wouldn't my name and voice on my outgoing message alert him to that fact? He could have just hung up.
And no, he didn't say my name. I thought it might have been a wrong number, but wouldn't my name and voice on my outgoing message alert him to that fact? He could have just hung up.
Ha ha! I eat chocolate ALL the time...I don't need a break-up for that 
I'm glad I'm disciplined with my gym regimen. But I digress.
You know, I am sad that it had to end this way. And my ego is bruised, because he didn't fight for me. I kind of want him to grovel and ask for a second chance, not that he'd get it. I know this is childish behaviour on my part, but I just want want that satisfaction.
I'm glad I'm disciplined with my gym regimen. But I digress. You know, I am sad that it had to end this way. And my ego is bruised, because he didn't fight for me. I kind of want him to grovel and ask for a second chance, not that he'd get it. I know this is childish behaviour on my part, but I just want want that satisfaction.
I agree with you that it was for the best. And I certainly did love him--very much, and still do. But that doesn't give him carte blanche to treat me the way he did. Arrggghhh. I don't know why this is frustrating me so much.
My story: I'm a 32-year-old Cancer, met the 27-year-old Cap on a serious online site, emailed for over a month before we met in person. When we did (just a week ago), instant and amazing connection, which he has admitted to. Spent hours together. Next day, lots of messages. Then asked me out again, to which I said yes, and another amazing date for hours and hours. No physical contact whatsoever, not even hand holding. He asked me out again, to which I said no...it has been a week, and he constantly e-mails and seems to want to talk all the time. See! Just now, he's on a business trip, on a Friday night, and he's telling me he is going to have dinner with his colleagues?! Do you all come on this strong? Is showering women with attention a normal trait?
For now, I have the upper hand...and I weary on how to proceed. I feel like he is the guy I have been waiting for, and would hate to lose him. These boards kind of freaked me out.
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Is this the same CapMan you wrote about above, back in may of last year?
When you originally posted that, I had two questions for you in which you didn't answer .. one: why did you say "no" to a date in the beginning when everything was going just fine? There was no apparant reason to say "no" for the date, you only later mention that he then blew your email up wanting to talk to you. So, I wonder .. was this saying "no" in place to get him to do some sort of chase game for attention?
And two: What did you mean by upper hand? Is/was this relationship based around some sort of control?
To address this thread, I would suspect that he felt like some sort of game was happening, to gain attentions .... so, this is why he contacted you, only to ignore you.
For now, I have the upper hand...and I weary on how to proceed. I feel like he is the guy I have been waiting for, and would hate to lose him. These boards kind of freaked me out.
--------------------------
Is this the same CapMan you wrote about above, back in may of last year?
When you originally posted that, I had two questions for you in which you didn't answer .. one: why did you say "no" to a date in the beginning when everything was going just fine? There was no apparant reason to say "no" for the date, you only later mention that he then blew your email up wanting to talk to you. So, I wonder .. was this saying "no" in place to get him to do some sort of chase game for attention?
And two: What did you mean by upper hand? Is/was this relationship based around some sort of control?
To address this thread, I would suspect that he felt like some sort of game was happening, to gain attentions .... so, this is why he contacted you, only to ignore you.
I see .. thanks for answering.
Polar opposites have an extremely tough time trying to find the right balance for compatibility .... emotional understandings are strained, to say the least. I've only heard of a very few that made it.
Have you tried a Taurus yet?
Taurus have an uncanny ability in understanding the Cancer's emotional needs ... I would suggest you try one of those. You might just find in a Taurus man what you've been looking for.
Polar opposites have an extremely tough time trying to find the right balance for compatibility .... emotional understandings are strained, to say the least. I've only heard of a very few that made it.
Have you tried a Taurus yet?
Taurus have an uncanny ability in understanding the Cancer's emotional needs ... I would suggest you try one of those. You might just find in a Taurus man what you've been looking for.
Thanks for the Taurus suggestion--not sure how that one will work out. It's tough enough finding a good man, let alone one with a specific sun sign! I should put out an ABP or something.
I understand what you mean by compatibility--it crumbled almost overnight, when I found out his houseguest was sleeping in his bed. I never accused him of cheating, didn't think he did, but it such a symbolic slap in my face and I told him so. It took me two weeks to digest what had happened and talk to him aboutit, and after that, we just never recovered. We lost the groove, got into a funk, and never got out of it.
It's interesting because I really felt that he "got me" in the beginning--as in understood me. Then it almost seems like he stopped caring.
So, if I gained any insight from these boards, I just wasn't the one for him to make him want to "settle down". Otherwise, a CapMan wouldn't have given up. And vice-versa. Is that pretty much correct?
I understand what you mean by compatibility--it crumbled almost overnight, when I found out his houseguest was sleeping in his bed. I never accused him of cheating, didn't think he did, but it such a symbolic slap in my face and I told him so. It took me two weeks to digest what had happened and talk to him aboutit, and after that, we just never recovered. We lost the groove, got into a funk, and never got out of it.
It's interesting because I really felt that he "got me" in the beginning--as in understood me. Then it almost seems like he stopped caring.
So, if I gained any insight from these boards, I just wasn't the one for him to make him want to "settle down". Otherwise, a CapMan wouldn't have given up. And vice-versa. Is that pretty much correct?
Sure--where are they? 
I would say that is an accurate statement.
The Capricorns I know are very loyal and commited people.
Oftentimes, we find in here where people (mainly women) struggling in their relationship with Caps (CapMen) .. but, if we look closely, we will see that these women are ones who are busy in the field, barely scratching the surface of their potentials, and thinking that Caps are shallow, and will respond to surface relations. They will say that Capmen test them, and are cold and unyeilding ... they couldn't be further from the truth.
A Capricorn has emotional depth like no other ... and a relationship with him requires the same in return, or the Cap will just shrug them off. They won't settle for surface relationships, and because of this they will appear to be cold-hearted.
Once they find the person who not only understands their emotional depth, also who will bind themselves to them with utter faithfulness and trust .. you won't find a more loyal person. A CapMan will dedicate his whole life to his wo/man. However, not just any wo/man will he consider his.
If he's playing the field, then you aren't his .... so, yes, your statement would be a correct one .. if he considered you his woman, then he wouldn't have slept with another. However, keep in mind that people fall in and out of feelings ... so that doesn't mean that he never loved you in some fashion.
Capricorns are like ducks, though .... they are picky about their mates, however, they tend to mate for life.
The Capricorns I know are very loyal and commited people.
Oftentimes, we find in here where people (mainly women) struggling in their relationship with Caps (CapMen) .. but, if we look closely, we will see that these women are ones who are busy in the field, barely scratching the surface of their potentials, and thinking that Caps are shallow, and will respond to surface relations. They will say that Capmen test them, and are cold and unyeilding ... they couldn't be further from the truth.
A Capricorn has emotional depth like no other ... and a relationship with him requires the same in return, or the Cap will just shrug them off. They won't settle for surface relationships, and because of this they will appear to be cold-hearted.
Once they find the person who not only understands their emotional depth, also who will bind themselves to them with utter faithfulness and trust .. you won't find a more loyal person. A CapMan will dedicate his whole life to his wo/man. However, not just any wo/man will he consider his.
If he's playing the field, then you aren't his .... so, yes, your statement would be a correct one .. if he considered you his woman, then he wouldn't have slept with another. However, keep in mind that people fall in and out of feelings ... so that doesn't mean that he never loved you in some fashion.
Capricorns are like ducks, though .... they are picky about their mates, however, they tend to mate for life.
I would put in a good word for trying the GreatBull .. he's one of the good men.
Dump Him - You Deserve Better
"they are picky about their mates," - Well that's a nice way of putting it. I really appreciate that.
Cap men arent that picky about their mates. I have a friend who is with a female and he could do a lot better, poor thing.
Oh I know Starfish! My friend is NEVER without a woman for long. He totally jumps in and it ususally turns to crap. The Cap men that I've come across pick the worse mates, stay in the relationship until it nearly breaks them. Its sad. But I will say this, I think they fear love on a deep meaningful level. Sure some part of them wants it, but its safer in a way to be with the wrong person and have it fail then to be with the right person and constantly wonder IF it will fail. They really are cowards underneath it all.
Yeah I could go on and on about my friend. The sad thing is that I really think he will marry someone and be miserable which seems to be their M.O.
guilty as charged. caps don't like being responsible for failure. even if it's not our fault we somehow find a way to blame ourselves for not fixing the problem.
Any more advice and/or words of wisdom for me?!
I have dumped him already. What I'm wondering is why he called me a week after I broke up with him, left a message asking me to call back and when I returned his call, he didn't respond. That's what I'm curious about.
Are you curious or do you want to try to make things work?
I think what he did was effed up and there's no excuse. Better to just let it go now while you have the upper hand on your emotions. If it were me calling you after you broke up with me, I would be trying to delay the inevitable, scared of failure.
I think what he did was effed up and there's no excuse. Better to just let it go now while you have the upper hand on your emotions. If it were me calling you after you broke up with me, I would be trying to delay the inevitable, scared of failure.
Nope--very, very unfortunately, it is too late to salvage this. It pains me to say it but too much crap has gone down for me to be able to take this person seriously again; not to mention trust him.
What do you mean by delaying the inevitable? I made it very clear that our relationship is over, and that we are no longer BF/GF. So there's really nothing to delay, right?
Thanks for your post/s.
What do you mean by delaying the inevitable? I made it very clear that our relationship is over, and that we are no longer BF/GF. So there's really nothing to delay, right?
Thanks for your post/s.
I already told you ... he was playing you ... making you think he was interested, so he could ignore you.
He's not interested in being with you .. he's interested in getting your hopes up, so he can hurt you.
There's no way for us to know what took place to make him stoop to this kind of thing .. only you know that.
And it's a very immature thing to do ... if you have moved on and you know this is over .. then why even put any thought into it, even if it's in the form of curiousity?
He's not interested in being with you .. he's interested in getting your hopes up, so he can hurt you.
There's no way for us to know what took place to make him stoop to this kind of thing .. only you know that.
And it's a very immature thing to do ... if you have moved on and you know this is over .. then why even put any thought into it, even if it's in the form of curiousity?
Capricorns are like ducks, though .... they are picky about their mates, however, they tend to mate for life.
This is true -- I'm not superficial or anything but I am a bit of the picky side ... especially if it has anything to do with longterm commitment lol.
This is true -- I'm not superficial or anything but I am a bit of the picky side ... especially if it has anything to do with longterm commitment lol.
"What do you mean by delaying the inevitable?"
Whatever his intentions are, he wants to be in control of how it ends. In his head he can fix anything, so maybe he thinks he can convince you otherwise.
Whatever his intentions are, he wants to be in control of how it ends. In his head he can fix anything, so maybe he thinks he can convince you otherwise.
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