Nasty Astrology - Capricorn
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by venusianbull on Saturday, January 30, 2010 and has 25 replies.
One day a Capricorn will take a risk and the world will stop in shock. They are cool to the point of frozen; self-possessed to the point of wooden; and sceptical to the point of not even believing in themselves. They are the old-fashioned type - stuck in another era, another time warp. They are staid and boring, tight-fisted and mean. They have no true emotions. They have no real sex life..
***
Personality
***
They are a cold-blooded reptile - ambitious, ruthless, determined and cunning. They look ahead and upwards and plot how to get there. They never worry about keeping up with the Jones's, they ARE the Jones's. They like you to know how much they are worth, what their house is worth, and what their car cost. They aren't very people-oriented and can come across as distant, aloof and somewhat disapproving. They do like people to hero worship them though, it makes them feel superior. They need to spend a bit more time outdoors as their skin is a bit pasty. They could also do with looking themselves from behind in a decent full-length mirror. They like to hoard, and fear having their savings being taken from them - all this wealth could be stolen, the markets could crash, there could be a run on the bank. They lie awake at night listing all the things that could go wrong. Consequently they do like to invest in burglar alarms. In their thinking they have the flexibility of a steel rod - you try getting one to change their mind. They are a fixed sign - fixed in thought, word and deed. They do nothing spontaneously. If it hasn't been diaried then they won't do it. They do like order - in fact they make the Virgo seem positively reckless and messy. They are supposed to have a very dry sense of humour - never seen a sign of it myself. They are miserly, dour, pessimistic and a bit of a wet blanket. They are fastidious about germs - Howard Hughes was a Capricorn - no surprises there then.
***
Personality
***
They are a cold-blooded reptile - ambitious, ruthless, determined and cunning. They look ahead and upwards and plot how to get there. They never worry about keeping up with the Jones's, they ARE the Jones's. They like you to know how much they are worth, what their house is worth, and what their car cost. They aren't very people-oriented and can come across as distant, aloof and somewhat disapproving. They do like people to hero worship them though, it makes them feel superior. They need to spend a bit more time outdoors as their skin is a bit pasty. They could also do with looking themselves from behind in a decent full-length mirror. They like to hoard, and fear having their savings being taken from them - all this wealth could be stolen, the markets could crash, there could be a run on the bank. They lie awake at night listing all the things that could go wrong. Consequently they do like to invest in burglar alarms. In their thinking they have the flexibility of a steel rod - you try getting one to change their mind. They are a fixed sign - fixed in thought, word and deed. They do nothing spontaneously. If it hasn't been diaried then they won't do it. They do like order - in fact they make the Virgo seem positively reckless and messy. They are supposed to have a very dry sense of humour - never seen a sign of it myself. They are miserly, dour, pessimistic and a bit of a wet blanket. They are fastidious about germs - Howard Hughes was a Capricorn - no surprises there then.
Capricorn in Love
***
What a depressing thought. A goat in love. How very sad. They have all the passion of two people watching TV, and no doubt they would watch some dreary programme on the stock market. They like so sit on sofas drinking tea together in matching cardigans. They like slippers. You would think they were shy seeing as how tongue-tied they seem, unable to speak in the presence of the opposite sex, looking at the floor, all that shuffling from foot to foot. But shy they are not. They are just so robotic that they don't have emotional responses. That's why they try to appear shy, it's a cover up for the face that they don't know how to be, or how to act when confronted with emotion.
***
Capricorn and Sex
***
The one area in which the Capricorn lets their hair down is in the bedroom. In fact they can be a bit like the proverbial pig at a trough. These are very private people who don't like being asked what they are thinking or what they are feeling, but take their clothes off and they lose all inhibitions. They don't take their own clothes off, mind - they don't initiate anything - so you'll have to set the ball rolling. Once you do they'll surprise you with their stamina - and exhaust you with their energy. They don't have a great deal of finesse, but by golly they have staying power. If you like being wooed, flirted with, seduced, romanced and teased, better find another playmate; Capricorn are direct and blunt.
***
What a depressing thought. A goat in love. How very sad. They have all the passion of two people watching TV, and no doubt they would watch some dreary programme on the stock market. They like so sit on sofas drinking tea together in matching cardigans. They like slippers. You would think they were shy seeing as how tongue-tied they seem, unable to speak in the presence of the opposite sex, looking at the floor, all that shuffling from foot to foot. But shy they are not. They are just so robotic that they don't have emotional responses. That's why they try to appear shy, it's a cover up for the face that they don't know how to be, or how to act when confronted with emotion.
***
Capricorn and Sex
***
The one area in which the Capricorn lets their hair down is in the bedroom. In fact they can be a bit like the proverbial pig at a trough. These are very private people who don't like being asked what they are thinking or what they are feeling, but take their clothes off and they lose all inhibitions. They don't take their own clothes off, mind - they don't initiate anything - so you'll have to set the ball rolling. Once you do they'll surprise you with their stamina - and exhaust you with their energy. They don't have a great deal of finesse, but by golly they have staying power. If you like being wooed, flirted with, seduced, romanced and teased, better find another playmate; Capricorn are direct and blunt.
This book you have is TERRIFIC!!! Reading over capricorn i kept thinking "yup!" lol........ I do wish all the signs would see the fun in this and not be so critical. ALL signs have their good and bad signs and ALL people of a sign don't show every single detail of that sign.......
Thanks for your time you put into this VenusianBull
Thanks for your time you put into this VenusianBull
WOW...thinking about switching careers from lawyer to....ASSASSIN Wondered why I always liked the movie so much.
Wondered why I always liked the movie so much. But is that career not an assassin in a suit?
Signed Up: Feb 18, 2009
Comments: 0 · Posts: 448 · Topics: 31
Comments: 0 · Posts: 448 · Topics: 31
This must be a JOKe so I'll laugh HA HA HA! I did liek the part though that said "they are the JONESES" lol so cute!
LOL Both? I shrugged off what wasn't true about Bulls and LMAO at the rest.
Yep it's all true 
Oink! Oink!!
Oink! Oink!!
Wow somewhat true.
Aloof -yes, cunning-not, risk taker-absolutley false, I am a risk taker
Just too tired to agree and disagree with the others, just finish a whole one on libra x____X
Aloof -yes, cunning-not, risk taker-absolutley false, I am a risk taker
Just too tired to agree and disagree with the others, just finish a whole one on libra x____X
Thanks, me too! hahahahaha!
sour grapes? *>
V/B talking about me again
All lie's
Cap men are not any of the things we are (why do I even bother)?
All lie's
Cap men are not any of the things we are (why do I even bother)?
LOL yeh, two years ago. Covered everyone. 
Posted by 25thDecan
http://members.gamedev.net/EvilSteve/JournalStuff/Rake.jpg
Probably thought of and written by a cap femme...definitely cap femme....
lmao!
Posted by R24Posted by cowpuncherPosted by venusianbull
Capricorn in Love
***.....
The one area in which the Capricorn lets their hair down is in the bedroom. In fact they can be a bit like the proverbial pig at a trough. These are very private people who don't like being asked what they are thinking or what they are feeling, but take their clothes off and they lose all inhibitions. They don't take their own clothes off, mind - they don't initiate anything - so you'll have to set the ball rolling. Once you do they'll surprise you with their stamina - and exhaust you with their energy. They don't have a great deal of finesse, but by golly they have staying power. If you like being wooed, flirted with, seduced, romanced and teased, better find another playmate; Capricorn are direct and blunt.
BS! Most of us seem to prefer coffee! Otherwise, yeah, pretty much correct. *shrug*
Pig at a trough? Makes me want to be a bucket of slop. SOUEY!!!
Well I'll find out soon enough if cap men are pigs...in a good way,lolclick to expand
There really are a lot of good ones out there!!
No, no. Thank the author.
Gimmick? But sir, you are talking to a Bull. Ohh, for the same reason most charlatans have. If they tell you what you want to hear, you'll buy into it. What's better, hmm? What ho! It is a Taurus woman, all manner of things homely, comforting and arousing. Bringer of music and fine comestibles! Issuer in of delights. OR. OI! YOU THERE, get off your cheeks ya lazy heifer! Procrastinating and most stubborn Cow. Good grief, you'd need the temperament of Job himself to..oh hai! That'll be 59 clams, small untraceable bills please.
Ohh, for the same reason most charlatans have. If they tell you what you want to hear, you'll buy into it. What's better, hmm? What ho! It is a Taurus woman, all manner of things homely, comforting and arousing. Bringer of music and fine comestibles! Issuer in of delights. OR. OI! YOU THERE, get off your cheeks ya lazy heifer! Procrastinating and most stubborn Cow. Good grief, you'd need the temperament of Job himself to..oh hai! That'll be 59 clams, small untraceable bills please. 
Nothings funny right now!
Awesome!!!!
She must be talking about the quite, shy, tunnel visioned Caps. Lol
I am totally different. I don't break the rules, but I sure bend the sh*t out of them. I have a plan for everything, including an escape plan. While everyone is introducing themselves, I'm already plotting a way to steal the spotlight. I don't believe in routines, constant behavior changing creates mystery and attraction, which seem spontaneous, but, also planned. Body language is the only language of importance to me, because it's the only true way to transfer emotions. Words are for amusements, body language is for action and power. I am a good guy in appearance, But I am a bad boy undercover. I appear to look serious, but I am truly laughing inside.
I must not be a Capricorn, but a devil in disguise..
I am totally different. I don't break the rules, but I sure bend the sh*t out of them. I have a plan for everything, including an escape plan. While everyone is introducing themselves, I'm already plotting a way to steal the spotlight. I don't believe in routines, constant behavior changing creates mystery and attraction, which seem spontaneous, but, also planned. Body language is the only language of importance to me, because it's the only true way to transfer emotions. Words are for amusements, body language is for action and power. I am a good guy in appearance, But I am a bad boy undercover. I appear to look serious, but I am truly laughing inside.
I must not be a Capricorn, but a devil in disguise..
"I appear to look serious, but I am truly laughing inside."
Yeah, me too. I am always observing human nature for the fun of it. I can find humor in anything. And I am secretly cracking myself up internally because I'm am constantly twisting words literally into a naughty joke. Only people that know me well get to experience that side of my humor. Most people would be shocked! lol!
And if you're trying to snowball me, I am REALLY laughing at you internally. I will also let you hang yourself.
Yeah, me too. I am always observing human nature for the fun of it. I can find humor in anything. And I am secretly cracking myself up internally because I'm am constantly twisting words literally into a naughty joke. Only people that know me well get to experience that side of my humor. Most people would be shocked! lol!
And if you're trying to snowball me, I am REALLY laughing at you internally. I will also let you hang yourself.
I found this by accident online the other day. Thought it was hilarious: 
'Capricorn (December 22-January 20)
Class. That's what Capricorns have. Not much sensuality, hardly ever fun to be with, but lots of class. They tend to look taller than they really are, and, speaking of which, Capricorn men always seem to have 10 inches, even if they really only have 3.
Of course, most of it is facade, and deep down inside they are really conservative, tight-assed cowards...with class. These are the true snots of the world. But they make good supportive wives....especially the men.
Often self-conscious, and overly concerned with what other people think of them, Capricorns can be a real pain. They are much more interested in appearances than any other sign. But if you cross them, they don't get angry, they don't get even. They just turn their internal thermostat down about 100 degrees when they see you. Women who marry a Capricorn, and flirt, end up with a pussy full of cocksicle.
Most horoscopes claim that Capricorns can be the most passionate lovers in the Zodiac when they lose their inhibitions, but since they rarely touch drugs, this almost never happens. Famous Capricorns are Louis Pasteur, Ben Franklin, Beethoven, Isaac Newton, Henry Miller, Rudyard Kipling, Marlene Dietrich, Loretta Young, Mary Tyler Moore, Danny Kaye, Cary Grant, Janis Joplin and Elvis Presley.'
Source:
http://www.gshotts.com/humor/astrology.htm
'Capricorn (December 22-January 20)
Class. That's what Capricorns have. Not much sensuality, hardly ever fun to be with, but lots of class. They tend to look taller than they really are, and, speaking of which, Capricorn men always seem to have 10 inches, even if they really only have 3.
Of course, most of it is facade, and deep down inside they are really conservative, tight-assed cowards...with class. These are the true snots of the world. But they make good supportive wives....especially the men.
Often self-conscious, and overly concerned with what other people think of them, Capricorns can be a real pain. They are much more interested in appearances than any other sign. But if you cross them, they don't get angry, they don't get even. They just turn their internal thermostat down about 100 degrees when they see you. Women who marry a Capricorn, and flirt, end up with a pussy full of cocksicle.
Most horoscopes claim that Capricorns can be the most passionate lovers in the Zodiac when they lose their inhibitions, but since they rarely touch drugs, this almost never happens. Famous Capricorns are Louis Pasteur, Ben Franklin, Beethoven, Isaac Newton, Henry Miller, Rudyard Kipling, Marlene Dietrich, Loretta Young, Mary Tyler Moore, Danny Kaye, Cary Grant, Janis Joplin and Elvis Presley.'
Source:
http://www.gshotts.com/humor/astrology.htm
Posted by Caprisha
I found this by accident online the other day. Thought it was hilarious:
'Capricorn (December 22-January 20)
Class. That's what Capricorns have. [...]
Source:
http://www.gshotts.com/humor/astrology.htm
That is funny, but the rest of those are even more hilarious.
Leave Your Feedback
We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.
Related Topics
Sagittarians have no real talent of skills and survive purely on gut instinct and luck. They are a status-seeking snob
@venusianbull
Joined: Dec 22, 2009 · Topics: 241 · Posts: 33721
...is through her stomach :) just had a wonderful little date last night. he brought over some food and cooked it up
@cancergem
Joined: Jun 27, 2009 · Topics: 21 · Posts: 539
Scorpios are disruptive and cruel - and they like it that way. They spent their childhood pulling the wings off flies a
@venusianbull
Joined: Dec 22, 2009 · Topics: 241 · Posts: 33721
Well since both of these signs are classified as 'feminine' signs, and they happen to be the opposites in the Zodiac, I'
@Richardrli
Joined: Jan 30, 2010 · Topics: 3 · Posts: 6
On the Nasty Astrology, for flips sakes it's a JOKE. It blazes all 12 signs across the zodiac and I'm posting it becaus
@venusianbull
Joined: Dec 22, 2009 · Topics: 241 · Posts: 33721
Librans think of themselves as balanced and able to weigh up both sides - in actual fact they are ditherers with no real
@venusianbull
Joined: Dec 22, 2009 · Topics: 241 · Posts: 33721
I'm a pisces he's a virgo. I started work in a new office about three weeks ago and met this guy. We send funny emai
@PiscesLeoAquarius
Joined: Jan 25, 2009 · Topics: 41 · Posts: 352
Ego first, second and last with a Leo. If only they'd stop to realize that the world doesn't quite revolve around them
@venusianbull
Joined: Dec 22, 2009 · Topics: 241 · Posts: 33721
I'm guessing: whatever comes up! But me, I had a very exhausting weekend. So I decided to stay home, have some wine and
@ariesvita
Joined: Jan 05, 2010 · Topics: 48 · Posts: 427
he never left you.. you left him but yet he still waited in line.he was just watching and waiting. He was hurting becaus
@virtuousvirgo83
Joined: Jan 25, 2010 · Topics: 16 · Posts: 111