Tips on Cracking Open A Capricorn Man?

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by neatsta on Tuesday, September 11, 2012 and has 29 replies.
Anyone care to share some tips on how to get a capricorn man to open up and talk about his feelings?
I can sense the laughing from here. Yes, I am not crazy!
We talk a lot and he has opened up before, however his head fights his heart with just about every step he takes in life, and at the moment it isn't leading him into a good place. I feel he needs to "vent" everything going on in his head, and just want to go about it in the best way possible (if there is one).
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You can't, and if you try they will retreat even more.
Capricorn has to completely trust you in order to be able to fully open up to you. Underneath that hard exterior is one hell of a sensitive man, the wall is their protection. Don't pry, he will trust you in his own time and appreciate you more if you didn't push him.
(Ex husband is a cap)
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Haha! So true, but Cap men are by far the worst for it....it's like trying to nail jelly to a ceiling.
The OP is better off just waiting, push a cap man and they go cold as ice!
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^^ true. I'm more comfortable opening up in the written format than verbally.
To OP - just let him know you're there for him and he has your support.
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Posted by EusiveSoulll
One question I keep asking myself tho??_.why is it that most of us women are so hung up on having a man open up with his ???feelings?? provided everything is going well with the relationship.
I understand communication in general terms is of great importance, and unless a man is acting like a robot, why is it that we ???need?? constant reassurance in them telling us how they feel about ???us?? or the relationship!?
Why not shift the focus from ???how do you feel about me?? to ???how do you feel about this and that??_politics, astrology, money management, animals...you name it??. My personal opinion is that by doing so, one gets far much greater understanding of who he is as a person, how he views life and how he goes about it, ultimately giving somewhat of an idea where you ( you as in general terms) may rank in respect to relationship/commitment?!
Just thinking out loud here??_



This is probably the most profound thing I have ever read on DXP forums. Someone give this woman a medal. You're a Pisces, right?
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Posted by EusiveSoulll
One question I keep asking myself tho??_.why is it that most of us women are so hung up on having a man open up with his ???feelings?? provided everything is going well with the relationship.
I understand communication in general terms is of great importance, and unless a man is acting like a robot, why is it that we ???need?? constant reassurance in them telling us how they feel about ???us?? or the relationship!?
Why not shift the focus from ???how do you feel about me?? to ???how do you feel about this and that??_politics, astrology, money management, animals...you name it??. My personal opinion is that by doing so, one gets far much greater understanding of who he is as a person, how he views life and how he goes about it, ultimately giving somewhat of an idea where you ( you as in general terms) may rank in respect to relationship/commitment?!
Just thinking out loud here??_



An excellent question, Elusive, which I can??t help but note no one but Foxy??s taken it upon herself to try to answer... Good to see ya, Beautiful! *waves* Winking
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@ Neatsta-offer up a safe and comforting atmosphere and a bottle of wine smile
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lol
It's good to see you too, Foxy! smileWinking
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Thanks smile
It's not a conversation that can be had over text. It is a really icky one, in the sense that we need to talk about "us", but not how he feels about me, just about how our relationship doesn't fit into one of his preconceived boxes and that it is ok that it doesn't. So it is more about opening his view up to different possibilities, which will hopefully help him find inner peace with things. His head is really fighting his heart on this (and does on lots of other facets of his life) and I love him to bits and want to help him find inner peace and happiness, even if that isn't with me. He is one special guy, even if he doesn't realise that himself!
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It will take a lot of time for him to open up to you! Don't ask him about his feelings because you won't accomplish anything. The key is patience! You need to earn his trust before he open up to you. Even if he does finally open up to you verbally don't expect to hear it from him verbally too often.
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who him your bank account smile
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that should read SHOW him your bank account lol
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Posted by EusiveSoulll
One question I keep asking myself tho??_.why is it that most of us women are so hung up on having a man open up with his ???feelings?? provided everything is going well with the relationship.
I understand communication in general terms is of great importance, and unless a man is acting like a robot, why is it that we ???need?? constant reassurance in them telling us how they feel about ???us?? or the relationship!?
Why not shift the focus from ???how do you feel about me?? to ???how do you feel about this and that??_politics, astrology, money management, animals...you name it??. My personal opinion is that by doing so, one gets far much greater understanding of who he is as a person, how he views life and how he goes about it, ultimately giving somewhat of an idea where you ( you as in general terms) may rank in respect to relationship/commitment?!
Just thinking out loud here??_



cauz from a very young age girls are taught, expected and rewarded for being expressive, verbal, and engaging. When boys exhibit the exact same behaviors, they are called "sisies", "punks" and "gay". So, we grow up thinking that that's the only measure of communication and liking and interpret everything though that lens. Neither is right or wrong...just different. But we do need to put all that yapping in check at some point and just chill! It's a lesson learned with age and expereince. IMHO
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Posted by Nicrobliz
Posted by CaribCappy

cauz from a very young age girls are taught, expected and rewarded for being expressive, verbal, and engaging. When boys exhibit the exact same behaviors, they are called "sisies", "punks" and "gay". So, we grow up thinking that that's the only measure of communication and liking and interpret everything though that lens. Neither is right or wrong...just different. But we do need to put all that yapping in check at some point and just chill! It's a lesson learned with age and expereince. IMHO


Yep, that's why I'm a latent homosexual, with a healthy fixation for women, who has forgotten how to cry in somebody's presence.
click to expand


Hey, whatever tickels your fancy! LOL
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Here's a thought. Get him drunk then gradually lead him to the topic. We're more open when we're drinking.
Don't deny it, the rest of you!!! You know damn well it's true!!!!!
But really, only if you think he needs to talk about a topic that is destructive to himself and needs to vent like you said in your original postings. Don't do it if you're trying to find out how he feels about you, he'll resent it.
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Unfortunately, we are not in a place where I can get him drunk. He suffers from depression, and we had been blissfully happy for a number of months (after him taking his sweet ass time to decide he wanted to be with me). I didn't pick up on all the little signs that he was heading on a downward spiral (I thought he was having second thoughts and couldn't work out why, because it didn't make sense with the context of our the rest of our relationship), and as a result of him being severly down the rabbit hole, he ended things out of the blue. Well my gut says it was his depression causing this, because the last couple of weeks with him he was a different person and so detached from feeling anything and was doing the motions.
I did one of the worst things imaginable, and told him how I felt, what I wanted, what was important and how well we worked together and didn't hear from him for 2 weeks (this is a guy who for the last year has been in constant contact with me, even as friends). I sent him a message a few days ago saying it would be good to catch up, which he replied with when he was free (I thought this was a good start) and it has since clicked that while I could sense his conflict (needing to vent), and how much it is his depression.
At this point, I love the man to bits but he is in no position or state of mind to know how he feels about me. I'm more concerned that he realises how far down the rabbit hole he is and can talk to someone about it, even if that person isn't me. If that person is me, we might have a problem as I don't think I can be there for him if we aren't in a relationship. It killed me when he was deciding and I was about 1 month off walking away as it wasn't a healthy place for me to be mentally or emotionally. As much as I love the guy and want to be there for him, I need to make sure I don't get dragged down too - which could ultimately mean walking away and losing the love of my life. It doesn't help he thinks I'm way too good for him - if only he knew (or listened!)!!!
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So you feel the only way you can be there for him, through his depression, is if you are with him? If your concern is being dragged down, how would a relationship with someone who is depressed prevent that?
Do you know what he's depressed about?
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I feel special and loved, my cappy man has learned to open up and has shedded tears in front of me...I,only know it is because he trusts me very much...hang in there build that trust and you will be amazed!!!
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Adding to lnana's questions:
Does he know why he is depressed?
Is this a first-time depression or is this a relapse into depression from which he previously (seemingly) recovered?
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We have such an intense connection that even when we were friends, we were basically dating without the fun stuff. It was getting to a point where it was getting me down because I couldn't understand what was wrong with me for him not to want to be with me. I have pretty much been a best friend to him for a year (since we met) and now is not the time for him to be pushing me away.
He has struggled with it on and off. Apparently he hasn't had an episode this bad in a number of years, but I noticed the cyclical behaviour in a very mild way (about every 3 months) and then this current "spat" is pretty much mimiking what he did to me earlier in the year, but I wasn't as invested back then and it was more moving from friends to dating and it wasn't the right time for either of us. Needless to say, that is why I don't think I can be there unless I'm in a relationship with him as I couldn't cope with him deciding to see someone else and leave me in the friendzone after going through that. A bit selfish - yes, but I have to look after myself also, and to be strong enough to be there I need to be emotionally invested and I can't do that without some form of exclusive relationship (even if it is very low key for a while).
I don't think he knows for sure. A lot of it comes from being a Cappy kid I think! He has always felt worthless, not good enough, etc and the trigger this time around was work. Unfortunately, this current spiral (which I feel terrible for not realising sooner) was a combination of work stress, living situation stress and being physically ill from overdoing it. He put a small strain on our relationship, but if anything it was normal given the circumstances. He was on medication, which I also learned he went off on his own direction about 1 month ago.
He has rocked up on my doorstep in the past, just lost and not knowing why and has tried to talk to me about things before. He was in tears when he ended things, and I know that in his mind at the time it was the right thing for him to do. I feel a bit stuck, because I don't know if it was the depression that made him retreat (logically it would make sense) or if it was him freaking out over feelings for me, or a combination of it all.
While I feel I might be the only one to get him to realise what is going on, I am also concerned with what that will mean. And I don't want to be his enabler, mother or crutch - I just want him to get the right help, and realise the strong man he is.
What
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so are you trying to "crack him open" or not? im a bit confused by it all.
my personal opinion. nobody is perfect. we all have issues, however, i dont think he's healthy enough for any type of relationship right now. i actually think pushing for exclusive relationship during this time puts you in the direct position of being an enabler and all the things you dont want to be. you should consider detatching and directing him towards real help..feelings aside.
also, i looked at his chart in one of your old threads and its dominated by Cap and Scorpio. lets hope hes not playing a role here.
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I am, but I guess I'm a little scared of what might come out and what that means!
I might be a bit (very) naieve with it, but he can't want me as more than a friend emotionally and on his terms. It doesn't work that way, because that is a big risk for me to take again, and given how I feel about him it will ruin me if he can't at least commit to not physically being with anyone else if he wants me to be there for him. And me being there is entirely on the condition he gets professional help again and sticks to it. I won't be helping someone who won't help themselves. Period.
What type of role could he be playing with Cap and Scorp in his chart? Trying to emotionally manipulate me or test me (again)? I've done some reading on his placements (in the previous thread) and I thought we were past that by now... maybe not? And would those placements indicate he might keep coming back, if he works out the grass isn't greener on the other side? That is another concern I have is him not letting me go, even if he doesn't want to be with me.
Thanks for all the help and guidance. As you can see I'm pretty confused and trying to work through things on my end so I am ready for when we meet up, no matter the outcome. I'm also prepared for him to want to confirm ending things in person, in which case, I will tell him my concerns and wish him well.
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Caps get into depressions and climb out usually on their own. This only lasts for a short period of time for the most part. However, this seems like a much more severe case than usual. Has he seen a mental health professional? Or even his family practitioner about it? He may need therapy or medication. Would he be willing to see someone?
If he refuses to see someone, do you or he have any friends in the medical field such as nursing or social work that could take a gander at him unknowest to him? Then perhaps they could casually draw him out in a friendly, friendship kind of way. It's tricky, because he doesn't need to feel people are going behind his back. This would make him withdraw more.
Does he keep in touch with his family? Perhaps, they should be clued in.
Sounds pretty severe. Try to get him to talk to someone, even if its inadvertently. And, just be there. Do not try to coax him into any kind of relationship at this point.
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This sounds like it has nothing to do with his sign. Sounds like he needs to see a psychiatrist. Stopping and starting psych meds on a whim can really really screw up your brain chemistry.
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Yeah, he was starting to open up a few months ago but turned into a brick with the depression.
I'm going to try and see if I can get him to at least go back on the meds and see his doctor, and encourage him to see his psych. I don't know if he realises how far down the rabbit hole he is, and I hope he appreciates me telling him my observations.
I don't want to coax him into a relationship, but in order for me to be there for him he needs to give me something. Even if it is he won't see other people (so an exclusive friendship). I need to protect myself and make sure I can be strong enough to be there, otherwise I fear it will make matters worse and he will drag me down with him.
Depending how it goes when we catch up, I haven't ruled out communicating with his parents. His friends are a bit clueless, in the sense I don't think they understand how bad it is, or they don't notice/know what to look for or being men figure it's easier to just ignore it!
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Posted by neatsta
Yeah, he was starting to open up a few months ago but turned into a brick with the depression.
I'm going to try and see if I can get him to at least go back on the meds and see his doctor, and encourage him to see his psych. I don't know if he realises how far down the rabbit hole he is, and I hope he appreciates me telling him my observations.
I don't want to coax him into a relationship, but in order for me to be there for him he needs to give me something. Even if it is he won't see other people (so an exclusive friendship). I need to protect myself and make sure I can be strong enough to be there, otherwise I fear it will make matters worse and he will drag me down with him.
Depending how it goes when we catch up, I haven't ruled out communicating with his parents. His friends are a bit clueless, in the sense I don't think they understand how bad it is, or they don't notice/know what to look for or being men figure it's easier to just ignore it!


You can't have a healthy relationship with someone this ill. Sounds like you're going to sign up for the caretaker role if he can fulfill your emotional needs. The word for that is CO-DEPENDENCY. You are going down a very slippery slope and unfortunately he's not the one dragging you down it, you seem to be running down it, full speed with only "love" as protection. Here's what's going to happen....despite what we say or warn you will stick with him even as he slips lower and lower. Why...because that's how co-dependency works. At his lowest level, he will say and promise you anything because you a probably the only constant in his life and he wont want to lose you (The co-dependent person smiles at this realization). His parents/family aren't connected. His friends are "clueless" as you put it. Don't be blind, these relationships are strained for a reason and HE is the common denominator. I'm not saying he's a bad person. What I'm saying is, if your descriptions are accurate, he is quite ill and you my dear are playing with fire! With a history like this, Depression or mood instability may be present in other family members. That is a HUGE red flag!! The cyclical episodes with period of "doing great" and "quite happy" are sounding ominously familiar. Please reasearch more about the long-term prognosis of Depression before signing up to be someone's "savior". But again. I'm betting dollars to doughnut
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*** that you will continue on this path. Good luck, you will need it!
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WOW. Thank you @CaribCappy for mentioning co-dependency. I hadn't even heard of it before and it is definitely something I plan to become more educated in. I don't think we are there yet, but I can see how easily it can be to slide down that slope (especially with him) - which is not good for anyone.
I have been reading up on depression a lot and it is something I really need to consider if I want in my life. As much as I love and care for the man, it is definitely not enough (even if it is reciprocated) to get through what a future together would entail - the happy endings are few and far between.
The advice and comments have been invaluable and have really helped me expand my knowledge in a number of areas and prepare for when we meet up. So thank you all smile
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start with the obvious... get them talking about their career.
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