Need help with disappearing/reappearing Gemini man

This topic was created in the Gemini forum by xoSarahxo on Friday, October 9, 2015 and has 19 replies.
Hello all I joined this forum today for advice.
I've been dating gemini guy for about 9 months. I'm a scorpio and he's actually on the Gemini/Taurus cusp. We met and was highly attracted to one another went on a few dates then stopped seeing each other. I was involved with a on/off again boyfriend at the time & I think he was seeing someone also. No big deal since we only hung out innocently and I hadn't developed feelings for him. He was just another guy. Fast forward we hung out again later down the line when I was no longer involved. We went out the chemistry and attraction was strong. We had sex. The best sex. We were into each other flirting and hooking up after that. Heres what I need help with, he's always inconsistent says he will call never does. He started to mostly just want to hit me up for sex late night. No more good morning text he became very busy whenever I wanted to go out somewhere. He even would make plans and never show up and blame it on things like he "fell asleep" or "was drunk". I expressed to him how I didnt like this behavior and i'm looking to not be with someone who only wants sex.He then apologizes showers me with complements and becomes really sweet saying things like I'm the one & he's in love. I would fall for it sometimes because of the sex being good. I have ignored him and tried moving on numerous times. However I fell for him. Being a scorpio I don't blow up his phone and give out a nonchalant attitude towards him despite my feelings. I'm a good girl and great catch just wondering is this normal from gem? disappearing/reappearing begging to come back when ignored? I have wrote him off but want to help understanding why a guy would do this when the sex is good a girl has great qualities. He also mentioned not being ready and a relationship until his career is doing well.
Help be blunt I'm not sensitive. Thanks in advance!
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Well if he told you he is not ready for a relationship yet, then it is just that. He gave it to you straight. Believe me, if us Gems really believe it can work, we will go for it after knowing you long enough.
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Thanks @ScorpiosHarmony for the article I read it and understand that what he has me doing now is wondering what I did wrong cause he went cold I think it's the Scorp in me that wants to "win" or "get" him because I dont want to accept the fact that he really doesnt like me enough to commit or at the least stay in contact. But it stops now I just cant stop thinking about him
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Posted by gemguyaz34
Well if he told you he is not ready for a relationship yet, then it is just that. He gave it to you straight. Believe me, if us Gems really believe it can work, we will go for it after knowing you long enough.


I understand he's not ready for a relationship but then he says stuff like I'm 32 its time for me to have a girlfriend and he talks about a future with us together. He also wants me to plan a trip for us to take together but when its time to follow up he's gone I also know he dates other women who he's known for quite some time. I'm thinking of blocking his number and cutting him off cold turkey.
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Posted by ScorpiosHarmony
read this over and over until it sinks in...

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/

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You’re not the only one.
He’s lying. I’m sorry. That’s what I gather.
Because you are absolutely right, if the sex is good and the woman is a good woman, and he’s soooo in love, he’d take her off the market, and he certainly wouldn’t be inconsistent would he?
You’re not the only one, but because you’ve already expressed you don’t want fwb he’s being a man thinking he’ll sell you a dream in order to keep getting what he wants. “Sex on call- and a good timeâ€. If he has to tell you he loves you and make you feel special with words every now and then to get it, then so be it.
If it were more he’d take you out and actually put in the time outside the bedroom. Anytime you find yourself only seeing a man is when you have one foot out the door, or when he’s blowing your back out that means he’s full of shit and doesn’t want anything serious. Trust your intuition God gave it to women for a reason. It’s okay.

You said be blunt so I hope this helped.
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Posted by xoSarahxo
Posted by gemguyaz34
Well if he told you he is not ready for a relationship yet, then it is just that. He gave it to you straight. Believe me, if us Gems really believe it can work, we will go for it after knowing you long enough.


I understand he's not ready for a relationship but then he says stuff like I'm 32 its time for me to have a girlfriend and he talks about a future with us together. He also wants me to plan a trip for us to take together but when its time to follow up he's gone I also know he dates other women who he's known for quite some time. I'm thinking of blocking his number and cutting him off cold turkey.
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And see, the difference is if I tell someone that I am at that point in my life where a relationship is what I want because I have everything else, I mean it and I wouldn't have said it unless it was really what I felt. As to why he says it but then doesn't want to commit, I couldn't tell you. Does he have Libra in his chart? This is sometimes a characteristic of Libra, the pulling away, the wanting, then not wanting, the sexual connection, etc. Regardless, it's a sticky situation for you and at the end of the day it sounds like he is needing more time to make up his mind. Whether you feel it's worth waiting for will be your call.
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Posted by xoSarahxo
Posted by gemguyaz34
Well if he told you he is not ready for a relationship yet, then it is just that. He gave it to you straight. Believe me, if us Gems really believe it can work, we will go for it after knowing you long enough.


I understand he's not ready for a relationship but then he says stuff like I'm 32 its time for me to have a girlfriend and he talks about a future with us together. He also wants me to plan a trip for us to take together but when its time to follow up he's gone I also know he dates other women who he's known for quite some time. I'm thinking of blocking his number and cutting him off cold turkey.
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Girrrrlllllll!!!
I know Scorpio women are smart, you know what's up. I know you do.
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Posted by Lyse
You’re not the only one.
He’s lying. I’m sorry. That’s what I gather.
Because you are absolutely right, if the sex is good and the woman is a good woman, and he’s soooo in love, he’d take her off the market, and he certainly wouldn’t be inconsistent would he?
You’re not the only one, but because you’ve already expressed you don’t want fwb he’s being a man thinking he’ll sell you a dream in order to keep getting what he wants. “Sex on call- and a good timeâ€. If he has to tell you he loves you and make you feel special with words every now and then to get it, then so be it.
If it were more he’d take you out and actually put in the time outside the bedroom. Anytime you find yourself only seeing a man is when you have one foot out the door, or when he’s blowing your back out that means he’s full of shit and doesn’t want anything serious. Trust your intuition God gave it to women for a reason. It’s okay.

You said be blunt so I hope this helped.


Thank you @Lyse this helps and its nothing I didnt already know it's just I kept trying because I didnt want to accept the fact that I was easily fooled and perhaps liked him a lot more than he likes me I have his # blocked and have no intentions of seeing him ever again. I deserve more than just good sex I'm 28 and really ready for long term love I see a lot of friends having babies and getting married and I want that. I have no kids he has 2 with 2 baby mothers so..
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Your 28, have good sex, and you’re a good woman with no kids?
Girl you are me! Lol.
You can do better, I know scorps hate to loose, try not to look at it that way. (I KNOW EXACTLY how that feels, because ironically I’m going through it with a Scorpio male.)
My mom always tells me to Try to look at it like a stepping stone to something greater, and don’t glamorize the other side, because women have the tendency to always believe the hype that the man is just so damn happy without you, if you are truly a good woman, BELIEVE me it’s going to hit him. It’ll never hit him if your there tho. Even if you have feelings for this guy, like the others said, it’s up to him to realize what he has. You are going to be just fine, there a lot of guys whom would gladly push him out the way.
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Posted by littlemegabyte
I think you should simply look at it for what it is. He received sex, and then his inconsistent behaivor began, he always said he'd call but doesn't, yet calls for late night sex, making plans and flaking on you with rude excuses like falling asleep or getting drunk, (like really... he doesn't even care enough to have the decency to not fall asleep or get drunk on your plans? lol), he showers you in compliments to continue the sex, but this is not the behaivor of a man in love. If a gem man loved you, you'd know. Sorry, but it seems like he was just using you for sex, especially since he flat out told you that he didn't want a relationship. Your best option is to cut him off for good and I'd be willing to wager that he would then come crawling back. Stand your ground. He's not mature enough for a relationship regardless of how great of a catch you are.

Yeah he's full of shit I did like him but oh well he wasnt that great of a catch le sigh i just hate rejection or feeling like I "was played" but it happens to the best of us.
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Would be nice if so many people would stop confusing sex and love. They are supposed to go hand in hand, not separate. To separate them identifies someone who is clearly a user (not to mention a loser). Maybe that's an old school way of looking at it, but it's my personal opinion.
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Posted by Lyse
Your 28, have good sex, and you’re a good woman with no kids?
Girl you are me! Lol.
You can do better, I know scorps hate to loose, try not to look at it that way. (I KNOW EXACTLY how that feels, because ironically I’m going through it with a Scorpio male.)
My mom always tells me to Try to look at it like a stepping stone to something greater, and don’t glamorize the other side, because women have the tendency to always believe the hype that the man is just so damn happy without you, if you are truly a good woman, BELIEVE me it’s going to hit him. It’ll never hit him if your there tho. Even if you have feelings for this guy, like the others said, it’s up to him to realize what he has. You are going to be just fine, there a lot of guys whom would gladly push him out the way.



Yea I'm at the age where each guy I meet I hope he's the one just afraid of becoming a single cat lady! Sad to see the good dick go it had me dickmatized lol but it had to go!
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Guurrl, If the sex is good then keep that fuckboy around for your own pleasure and amusement!

As long as you can separate LOVE and SEX then I think it shouldn't cause you much harm. Keep him around to fuck BUT continue dating other guys. This will keep your sexual appetite at bay ( I feeels ya!). Once you find 'The One' or just 'Someone Better', leave his immature ass and gravitate to your new love interest Big Grin

Besides... He's no catch! 32 with 2 kids and 2 babymammas...?! Gurl, bye. Hahaha. I'm not against dating single dads ( got my beady little eyes on one right now *heh-heh*) but there's a maturity factor that should kick into drive once someone has kids. He doesn't seem to have that... So how much is he truly worth that precious time of yours? Hmm?
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Posted by Pandala
Guurrl, If the sex is good then keep that fuckboy around for your own pleasure and amusement!

As long as you can separate LOVE and SEX then I think it shouldn't cause you much harm. Keep him around to fuck BUT continue dating other guys. This will keep your sexual appetite at bay ( I feeels ya!).

Oh wow that is the Scorpio in you talking right there!
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Posted by ScorpiosHarmony
Posted by gemguyaz34
Posted by Pandala
Guurrl, If the sex is good then keep that fuckboy around for your own pleasure and amusement!

As long as you can separate LOVE and SEX then I think it shouldn't cause you much harm. Keep him around to fuck BUT continue dating other guys. This will keep your sexual appetite at bay ( I feeels ya!).

Oh wow that is the Scorpio in you talking right there!

I agree, if you want sex keep him for that only however scorpio emotions run deep. It can be hard to separtate sex from love especially given that you already have feelings for me. I suggest stop contacting him. Let him go.

We've all been through this and the best thing to do is to take the lesson and move on. You can't force a guy to see your worth or to be ready for a relationship. Save your heart for an emotionally available partner (who will find you someday smile)

best wishes
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I thought about this and tried it before but he's unavailable sometimes when I want it like I said he would make an excuse like he was sleep he was just unreliable when I wanted it he would go like 2 weeks without it but I would want to see him in that time but he would go without calling and have 50 excuses like he was busy I guess he had someone else he could get sex from too and I didnt so I couldnt take the fact that I was in rotation...being a scorp I dont like to share and want sex often I just ended up feeling like he could take it or leave it and I would be waiting on it lol
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Posted by Pandala
Guurrl, If the sex is good then keep that fuckboy around for your own pleasure and amusement!

As long as you can separate LOVE and SEX then I think it shouldn't cause you much harm. Keep him around to fuck BUT continue dating other guys. This will keep your sexual appetite at bay ( I feeels ya!). Once you find 'The One' or just 'Someone Better', leave his immature ass and gravitate to your new love interest Big Grin

Besides... He's no catch! 32 with 2 kids and 2 babymammas...?! Gurl, bye. Hahaha. I'm not against dating single dads ( got my beady little eyes on one right now *heh-heh*) but there's a maturity factor that should kick into drive once someone has kids. He doesn't seem to have that... So how much is he truly worth that precious time of yours? Hmm?


I thought about this and tried it before but he's unavailable sometimes when I want it like I said he would make an excuse like he was sleep he was just unreliable when I wanted it he would go like 2 weeks without it but I would want to see him in that time but he would go without calling and have 50 excuses like he was busy I guess he had someone else he could get sex from too and I didnt so I couldnt take the fact that I was in rotation...being a scorp I dont like to share and want sex often I just ended up feeling like he could take it or leave it and I would be waiting on it lol
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Posted by gemguyaz34
Posted by Pandala
Guurrl, If the sex is good then keep that fuckboy around for your own pleasure and amusement!

As long as you can separate LOVE and SEX then I think it shouldn't cause you much harm. Keep him around to fuck BUT continue dating other guys. This will keep your sexual appetite at bay ( I feeels ya!).

Oh wow that is the Scorpio in you talking right there!
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Hahaha, yupp!

Rising, Moon, Pluto, and True Lilith all in Scropio (all in 8th House). Uranus, Saturn, and Neptune in Capricorn (all in 2nd House) aid in my "business like" approach to non-committal sex and the like.... I suppose anyway Big Grin
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Posted by xoSarahxo
Posted by Pandala
Guurrl, If the sex is good then keep that fuckboy around for your own pleasure and amusement!

As long as you can separate LOVE and SEX then I think it shouldn't cause you much harm. Keep him around to fuck BUT continue dating other guys. This will keep your sexual appetite at bay ( I feeels ya!). Once you find 'The One' or just 'Someone Better', leave his immature ass and gravitate to your new love interest Big Grin

Besides... He's no catch! 32 with 2 kids and 2 babymammas...?! Gurl, bye. Hahaha. I'm not against dating single dads ( got my beady little eyes on one right now *heh-heh*) but there's a maturity factor that should kick into drive once someone has kids. He doesn't seem to have that... So how much is he truly worth that precious time of yours? Hmm?


I thought about this and tried it before but he's unavailable sometimes when I want it like I said he would make an excuse like he was sleep he was just unreliable when I wanted it he would go like 2 weeks without it but I would want to see him in that time but he would go without calling and have 50 excuses like he was busy I guess he had someone else he could get sex from too and I didnt so I couldnt take the fact that I was in rotation...being a scorp I dont like to share and want sex often I just ended up feeling like he could take it or leave it and I would be waiting on it lol
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I definitely get where you're coming from. If you tried what I've already mentioned, and it won't work for you, then move on and find someone who wants and cares for all of you.

Everyone deserves to be loved as the whole of their parts. I agree with the other posters as well. Love and sex should be one in the same, but we've moved so far from that (mainstream societal thinking at the time, IMO). I've learned that, for me, it's best to keep them separate until I know I can truly trust someone with my heart. Hey may have good dick, or she may know how to give a wonderful Austrian Kiss but that doesn't immediately mean they have my heart.

Maybe you should take some time to yourself? Give yourself a few months to figure out what type of person you wish to manifest into your life. Work on yourself. Find self love, confidence, and grace to help you learn to put yourself first where it matter most. I believe that everyone should be selfish in some regard (this may be one the reasons why he's blowing "hot-and-cold" but his acts of selfishness is NOT the kind I'm mentioning here.). The only person you have in the end to love you, is you. You'll always be there for yourself, so learn to take care of yourself when you need it most.

In the grand words of RuPaul: "If you don't love yourself, how the HELL you gonna love somebody else?!"
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