Are Libras Abusive?

This topic was created in the Libra forum by Atom on Thursday, July 19, 2007 and has 114 replies.
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'Sorry to bring this up; you are all so wonderful. Just wondering since the last few times I went out with Libra Girl, I was just cracking one of my sad punny jokes and she socked me real hard on the shoulder---like black and blue hard. This happened about a week ago then again a few days ago. And it made me sad, upset and a little depressed. (If ANY of you have ever been in an abusive relationship, I think you know what I'm talking about).
As a whole things haven't changed much with Libra Girl---we still aren't intimate, just holding hands once in awhile. So to have the only real "touch" from her being a punch isn't too cool to me----and is distancing me from her. We've been seeing each other a couple times a week---SHE contacts me----and talk about everything under the sun and she seems to really like my company. I just REALLY don't like being punched. By ANYONE. NONE of my friends or family members hit me---so it's a surprise (even though in other relationships that happened, years ago). I'm just thinking of telling her good-bye and it will be a PERMANENT good-bye if she hits me again for any reason.
So. Original question: ARE Libras abusive? Some Libras you know? Your experience? Are YOU, if you are and want to be honest? Is this a no-big-deal thing for Libras?
And how would you react if punched a few times in a relationship like this? Thanks in advance for your comments.
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Atom, my LIbra hasn't got a volatile/abusive bone in his body...he's as gentle as a kitten and he's 6'5 for goodness sake!! The last thing he would do is hurt me or anybody and if he did, he'd fall over himself to apologise.
If she hit you THAT hard that there are bruises? ummm...RUN!!!!!!!! By accident I can understand but if this isn't the first time?? run!!!!!!
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Yes...
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At the receiving end of it, yes.
I also think it is an acquired habit e.g. you've been exposed to it and as a result have adopted the life style .
What rising sign is Libra girl?
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With a Libra and as a Libra.
(Have just woken up)
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It seems that your Libra cannot talk and resorts to this. But it sounds like she is very frustrated. Maybe she wanted the two of you to be together, that did not happen but she cannot express herself verbally on it and turns to this to show you how she feels.
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Yeah. I agree with Libra. She is frustrated with you. Usually when someone playfully hits someone else it is a sign of sexual tension and frustration.
I would warn her if she hits you again you are gone. She may not realize how hard she is hitting you and that you see it as abusive.
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Hold on a minute! It didn't sound like she punched him to hurt him, some women are heavy handed. She probably hit him in a joking manner. I doubt she is trying to beat him up, and still be around him...
Atom, please tell me she was joking and punched you in a playful way. If so, are you that hurt?
Okay this is a little weird for me. Need more info.
No, don't know any abusive Libras, but if you push them to the limit they can snap.
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Whew okay, thanks LS exactly.
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that is of course if you think it is just a misunderstanding. If you think she is emotionally volitile and violent don't go near her.
Because she is doing it after a joke, I think she thinks she is playing.
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Ooops! I didn't see your post Queen. Righto! What Queen said.
I think it is playful too especially since it is after a joke not in the midst of battle.
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***queen...that is so accurate, libras can get very angry when pushed too far. its a matter of being taken for granted and not being realized for what they really are about that just bursts out***
Yes, yes, I know these guys well.
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I hit sometimes when joking around and some of my guy friends have told me I had heavy hands...Unless it is a love interest, then I use my hands for other things Winking
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"Unless it is a love interest, then I use my hands for other things"
Hurt me baby, hurt meWinking
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I agree with Queen and LS it sounds like it was meant to be playful being after a joke but she doesn't or didn't realize how hard she hits. My sense of humor extracted a lot of punches from my longtime scorp girlfriend and she was heavy handed, but at the same token being a guy and physically bigger and stronger than her it should not have hurt like it did...unless she hit you on the nerve or the part of the muscle tissue that connects your shoulter to your chest or your shoulder to your upper arm....those are both really sensitive spots.
She sounds like a girl who knows herself and wants a guy to step up and take the lead and you sound like a really sensitive guy that is confused by her actions and she is really in the lead...if she really likes you this is creating the frustration and tension LS mentioned which may have put a little more heat in the punch without her even realizing it.
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***My sense of humor extracted a lot of punches from my longtime scorp girlfriend and she was heavy handed, but at the same token being a guy and physically bigger and stronger than her it should not have hurt like it did...***
LOL!!! Atom, stop your wining.... J/K, not really, yes I am for real. You might want to find a more light handed girl... BTW, are you hanging around her just as a friends or still holding on to hopes to be something more?
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***Unless it is a love interest, then I use my hands for other things"
Hurt me baby, hurt me***
Trust me, it will hurt so good... Winking
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Notso7 where are you from?
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Thank you, all. You have all made good points. Yes, I think she's frustrated PERIOD about life, including me in some ways, I guess. Yes, it hurt, a wince hurt, and I was punched in the same place twice. No, I haven't called her on it and didn't respond right away because I was confused and it was just WEIRD. NO ONE hits me! And I don't like being hit----yeah, I have the pals who play around and that sort of thing, but this was intentional on her part. I've seen other times she seemed to get a little TOO angry about situations and she'd grab a guy by his collar and get in his face. I'm not sure AT ALL if it has anything to do with her frustration on getting closer as she seems to be exceptionally afraid of intimacy and hasn't shown ANY moves on her part. AND this hitting happened right after I thought we were having a great time; good conversation, etc. Yow, I hate confusion.
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Libras are a tasty piece of pie - if she hit you like that grab her and half jump her bones. What happens next is up to you
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Val....I like your style !!!
"Hold on a minute! It didn't sound like she punched him to hurt him, some women are heavy handed. She probably hit him in a joking manner. I doubt she is trying to beat him up, and still be around him..."
I think if she does it again, it gives you the green light to go and knock her out and have your way with her!!! LOL j/k.....I do agree with the others, she's probably frustrated and the two of you haven't, from what I can gather, discussed going to the next level in your "R/ship"....I know a few Libras now and it seems they really do want their partner to take the lead and they'll know what to do from there!!
Go for it Atom or walk away and take a trip to Oz to see me....I don't punch much *giggles*
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Thanks, Chatz. I'm sure YOUR punches would be just fine!
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Tom, why are you hung up on her? If she isn't reciprocating, then move on to a fabulous girl who can respect a fabulous guy like yourself.
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Good question, HP. I'm not sure. This punching thing may have been the "I have seen the light" that I needed. I'm seeing her tonight around dinner time and we'll see what happenes. I don't LIKE moving on, but may have to (for survival purposes and happiness / fulfillment purposes). Your kindness is appreciated!
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Atom, hope you're well
This grabbing someone by the collar in a threatening manner (as per an earlier message of yours) is, in my view, unacceptable. It's agressive to say the least, not ladylike, not polite, not warm and actually highly embarrassing to have by your side. It does not seem your style and I am sure you can do without. It's very, very difficult to be with someone who has traits you don't recognise or accept in principle. I am speaking from experience here. The cause is irrelevant, the effect flabbergasting.
Let her be, or help her as a friend. But don't be her lover...
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***Let her be, or help her as a friend. But don't be her lover...***
Okay, Atom, you know I think you are a cool dude, but come on.... She has told you a million times she didn't want to be in a relationship with you. Why oh why do you push it to get your feelings crushed over and over.
Just a thought. Do you think she is hitting you because she wish you would stop trying to be in a relationship with you and you won't accept it? However, she settles for hanging out with you just because?
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stop being in a relationship with her.
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QS, she probably does want to be with Atom. But either way it is irrelevant. Atom should stay away from an aggressive woman. As said before the cause does not matter, it just means that there are (multiple) issues I am sure he can do without.
And poeple don't JUST change
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NO, she doesn't want to be with him. She's led him on time and time again and he is being a pushover for whatever reason. He sincerely needs to move on from her because she lack maturity and grace.
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*lacks
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Libra, she has told him time and time again she didn't want to be in a relationship with him. You think she just said that for the sake of saying it?
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I don't recall reading that Libra Girl has actually said that. Plus fear plays a big part in Libra Girl's story. But regardless, Atom should probably stay away.
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Good thoughts. Thanks, Libra----you've got me thinking on a deeper level. And, QS, HP, can you please explain to me WHY this woman keeps calling me, e-mailing me, asking me to come over, sharing her thoughts and feelings with me IF this is completely a hopeless cause??? I may be a sap. If so I'm a sap that doesn't understand WHY a woman would do this or does this. I know if I'm not interested in some chick I just move on---she's not sharing her life with me. I guess what I'm asking is WHAT WOULD YOU DO???? IS "stay away" the answer??
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Atom, I can answer although you won't like the answer and I'm sure I'll have some people disagree with me....but the answer is "because you're a pushover". She's seen how willing and forgiving you are of her actions/non-actions and she knows she can abuse that in you.
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So you think she's keeping me around because I'm a pushover, HP?
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Yow. I just looked up the definition of "pushover": A person who is easily deceived or victimized: butt, dupe, fool, gull, lamb, victim. Informal sucker. Slang fall guy, gudgeon, mark, monkey, patsy, pigeon, sap1. Chiefly British mug.
I'll definitely have to toughen up if that's what you-she-them-it thinks. Yow.
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Strangely enough the punching was probably a form of flirting. In which case, she might just be very shy. I have to admit to displaying this kind of behaviour, too. Especially on alcohol I become a bit more expressive.
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Libra, what do you recommend for a very shy girl?
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* This grabbing someone by the collar in a threatening manner
I can get this aggressive.
* She's led him on time and time again
I TOTALLY disagree. She has repeatedly told him flat out that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him. She has never kissed him or acted in a romantic way toward him. She HAS acted like an affectionate friend. Perhaps she should have ended the friendship before now but I am guessing she genuinely likes him as a friend. Maybe she is a bit lonely as well.
* WHY this woman keeps calling me, e-mailing me, asking me to come over, sharing her thoughts and feelings with me IF this is completely a hopeless cause???
Because that is what friends do!!! She isn't you Atom. She is her.
There are more types of love than romantic or sexual.
I wish you would see this.
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I think it is safe to say that the handholding is a big deal for her and it feels like an accomplishment (for Libra Girl) everytime you two sit and hold hands. You can sort of see where her comfort zone ends. Feels confident enough to suggest for your two to share a meal together, watch a movie (even demands you stay and watch) and subsequently hold hands. But then she refuses your subsequent advances. And it's got to be because she cannot see how she can make it happen and possibly accept what's on offer at that very moment.
Words will not do it. Best is to get tipsy and catch her off-guard. Or something like that. The off-guard moment where she is not conscious of herself. Where she crosses the bridge between desire and expressing her desire and accepting what you have to say. And then thinking 'this was not so scary, in fact it was rather good so let's do that again'...!
I think that words won't cut it and if you kiss her she will not allow you to proceed or for her to enjoy it. So she needs to do it, I guess. Somehow you need to get her to do the work! Show her that you're really enjoying her company. Like on the sofa don't sit and hold hands, get lazy and lean against her and lie in her arms or something. Step by step, make progress that way. Let her expand her comfort zone by stealth, as an accomplishment for her.
What do you think?
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Libra, probably the only way it will work. LS, it sounds like you may be a lot like Libra Girl.
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She has had two bad marriages----both guys cheated on her. She is pretty much a loner. She gets along w/ co-workers=cordial, business-like, friendly but not close. I don't think she'd spend the night in a guest room simply because IMO in her mind that would make everything serious RIGHT NOW. Everything has been gradual about this girl. Lately, I've been surprised about her comments about wanting me to hang around for a longer time when we're together; not sure whether that's just because she doesn't want to be lonely or feels comfortable with me or what.
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I can be aggressive, especially sexually aggressive, and especially in the face of gross injustice. Sexually, I am neither frigid nor shy.
At this point Atom, you just need to have a heart to heart and find out why she doesn't want or why it hasn't gone further romantically, and let that conversation be the end of it one way or another. At this point, you have nothing to lose. It needs to finish one way or another.
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Thank you, LS. I think I'd get an "I don't know," but I can determine where to go from there. It's tough for me.
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Conversation will definitely stop progress because things are then decided - by verbalising things and the fact that you will then have to make up your mind and voice that opinion. I don't know whether the haltering of progress will then be final. I'd go for behaviour and slealth.
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My Libra father was often verbally abusive to my Sagittarius mother.
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Libras can be secretly aggressive and we all dream about carrying a baseball bat and be as crazy as joe pesci every now and then when we get fed up of thinking too much and trying to be good with everyone.
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Atom, I havent read much about your story since its a female libra and its very little i can think about the details. But from all the bits and bytes i have read about your libra, all i can guess is that she needs to be taken for an emotional ride by someone. Someone has to take the effort of breaking her down crying by attacking her unreasonably with sharp words. Preferably in a closed room where she has to sit and listen to everything... and then within a few mts, he has to touch her emotional surface and rebuild her back by offering a shoulder to cry and be a good friend who understands everything. I don't think an Aries can handle this thing though.
she has acquired a lot of bad bad sides due to her past. For some reason when she had to deal hard times in past, she build some cage around her to reduce the chances of vulnerability and she has forgotten to remove it.
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"This man is trying to make her better again..." I dont think she is broken(emotionally) and is still holding on to some thing and I dont think an aries can help her out. Its just seems a bit complicated for aries to make her back to that charming, loving and caring libra girl from what she is now..(if i hv got the picture correct about her current nature)...
//like i said before am not sure i got the whole picture right.
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I understand what The Libran is on about.
The issue here is that it is probably been a very long time since she was intimate with anyone or even heard herself say something remotely romantic. And you lose your own connection with being like that - and the mountain gets very high. The years go by and your head gets filled with other things replacing feelings and sentimental/silly stuff. You forget that you once were desirable and beautiful. Insecurity sets in - can I still talk love stuff? It's a side of you you lose connection with. She is obviously not incapable but the fact that it's been so long makes it impossible for her to be this way today. Don't doubt what I just wrote!
Breaking her down means that she needs to be put in a position where she can have a good cry, hear herself say what she can barely think about anymore and take it from there.
She is not in touch with her own feelings and will not go there until someone forces her too.
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