CRISIS!! *NEED ALL LIBRA HELP*
This topic was created in the Libra forum by southernbeauty on Wednesday, January 16, 2008 and has 34 replies.
As you all know I (myself) am a libra and I am seeing a libra man.
***First I wanna say thanks for all your help and advice
**
..... But I am afraid I have a serious problem. I have never experienced this before. I don't know if it is a libra trait (me being a libra I would never do this) but I am seriously needing some advice. I don't really know who else to turn to .... so here we go ....
Yesterday I went up to the college to register for classes. I just happen to run into an old friend. We went to J.H. and H.S. together. So we talked for a while blah blah and then I asked him he wanted to go eat lunch ... kinda catch up you know? Nothing wrong with that right? Well as our food is brought to us I get a text from my man saying "Are you eating with someone". I of course responded "yes ... a friend from school." He said "who?" I gave him his first name (yes it was another man) but I didn't think anything of it. He said "We don't need to talk anymore" I said "what makes you say that?" He replied "Cause. I ain't gonna put up with that." I told him he was mistaken and that if he wanted to talk he could call me later. He said "No thanks I told you how I felt about that." and then my favorate part ... "have a good one"
Now first is first. How in the world did he know I was eating lunch with someone? He works like an hour away from where I was. You don't think he had someone spying on me do you? Do libra men do this? It wasn't like I didn't tell him ... I didn't lie ... I told him the truth. I never thought he would take it to extremes. Was I wrong for this?
Well I didn't text him back after the whole have a good one. This was about 1:00 when this happened. Well I am at the gym working out and I get another text saying "Can I have my shirt back?" All I said was "meet me here at his time" nothing else. He replied "why not today?" I simply said "because I can't" He asked "why?" I told him that I didn't owe him an explaination and that I was simply busy. He respnded "Is that how you want it to be?" I said "You made it crystal clear today that's how YOU wanted it to be!" He said "k" I asked him what he wanted to do and that he was more than welcome to come and get it at my house. He said "when" and I said "like around 9 or so" He smarted off and said "your busy" I told him now I am but later I wont be. "He said do you have class?" I asked him why and he told me he would come there. I told I didn't have his shirt with me. He said fine and that he
***First I wanna say thanks for all your help and advice
**..... But I am afraid I have a serious problem. I have never experienced this before. I don't know if it is a libra trait (me being a libra I would never do this) but I am seriously needing some advice. I don't really know who else to turn to .... so here we go ....
Yesterday I went up to the college to register for classes. I just happen to run into an old friend. We went to J.H. and H.S. together. So we talked for a while blah blah and then I asked him he wanted to go eat lunch ... kinda catch up you know? Nothing wrong with that right? Well as our food is brought to us I get a text from my man saying "Are you eating with someone". I of course responded "yes ... a friend from school." He said "who?" I gave him his first name (yes it was another man) but I didn't think anything of it. He said "We don't need to talk anymore" I said "what makes you say that?" He replied "Cause. I ain't gonna put up with that." I told him he was mistaken and that if he wanted to talk he could call me later. He said "No thanks I told you how I felt about that." and then my favorate part ... "have a good one"
Now first is first. How in the world did he know I was eating lunch with someone? He works like an hour away from where I was. You don't think he had someone spying on me do you? Do libra men do this? It wasn't like I didn't tell him ... I didn't lie ... I told him the truth. I never thought he would take it to extremes. Was I wrong for this?
Well I didn't text him back after the whole have a good one. This was about 1:00 when this happened. Well I am at the gym working out and I get another text saying "Can I have my shirt back?" All I said was "meet me here at his time" nothing else. He replied "why not today?" I simply said "because I can't" He asked "why?" I told him that I didn't owe him an explaination and that I was simply busy. He respnded "Is that how you want it to be?" I said "You made it crystal clear today that's how YOU wanted it to be!" He said "k" I asked him what he wanted to do and that he was more than welcome to come and get it at my house. He said "when" and I said "like around 9 or so" He smarted off and said "your busy" I told him now I am but later I wont be. "He said do you have class?" I asked him why and he told me he would come there. I told I didn't have his shirt with me. He said fine and that he
would come and get it. Then later he text me and said "how was your dinner date?" I told him I wasn't gonna play his games anymore and that I will see him at the house. He asked "why wont you answer me" So that's when I got pissed off and just called his ass and told him that I wasn't goin to do this anymore and that my phone was dieing and that I would call him later. He said fine and hung up.
Now ... I got out late like around 10:00 and I called him to see if he still wanted to meet me. He said why does it have to be tonight? I told him that it was his idea and he was the one who wanted his shirt today!! All he said was call me when you get home. So I did and that's when the argueing started. He knew he wasn't gonna come and get his shirt that night!! He wanted to talk and he told me all this shit about how I'm not acting like I care. Well of course I am not going to make myself anymore voulnorable than I already have. He broke up with me over a text message for God's sake!! Then I tried so hard to reason with him ... come to an agreement ... you now meet in the middle something!! He just kept smarting off and saying "I'm not the one who went to lunch with a guy today" Then I finally said you know this is exactly what I am talking about ... we are never going to fix things if you don't stop that. He said I guess not. it got quiet for like 5 mins I kid you not. I finally said is that what you want? He said I don't know I am tired and I don't feel good I 'll call you tomorrow. WTF????
Now this morning ... he is acting like nothing ever happened. I am meeting him today after work. I am going to tell him this is how it has to be or its over for good.
When he is not with me he is always checking up on me. He will ask where I am and who am I with and what am I doing. Is this pysco?? Is this how libra me usually are? I thought they always wanted to be around there loved ones? I try to make an effort, but it's like he just leaves me hanging and expects me to wait around for him to make up his mind. I ain't gonna do it anymore!! Should I make plans without him or will that just piss him off? I don't wanna make him mad, I just want him to make an effort to be with me. Even when I was telling him last night that I wanted to be with him and that I never mean't to hurt him ... ect. ... he never once said "I want ot be with you too" or anything. I this usual too? Some one please help me. As you can see I am very upset and I just need to know how to handle him
Now ... I got out late like around 10:00 and I called him to see if he still wanted to meet me. He said why does it have to be tonight? I told him that it was his idea and he was the one who wanted his shirt today!! All he said was call me when you get home. So I did and that's when the argueing started. He knew he wasn't gonna come and get his shirt that night!! He wanted to talk and he told me all this shit about how I'm not acting like I care. Well of course I am not going to make myself anymore voulnorable than I already have. He broke up with me over a text message for God's sake!! Then I tried so hard to reason with him ... come to an agreement ... you now meet in the middle something!! He just kept smarting off and saying "I'm not the one who went to lunch with a guy today" Then I finally said you know this is exactly what I am talking about ... we are never going to fix things if you don't stop that. He said I guess not. it got quiet for like 5 mins I kid you not. I finally said is that what you want? He said I don't know I am tired and I don't feel good I 'll call you tomorrow. WTF????
Now this morning ... he is acting like nothing ever happened. I am meeting him today after work. I am going to tell him this is how it has to be or its over for good.
When he is not with me he is always checking up on me. He will ask where I am and who am I with and what am I doing. Is this pysco?? Is this how libra me usually are? I thought they always wanted to be around there loved ones? I try to make an effort, but it's like he just leaves me hanging and expects me to wait around for him to make up his mind. I ain't gonna do it anymore!! Should I make plans without him or will that just piss him off? I don't wanna make him mad, I just want him to make an effort to be with me. Even when I was telling him last night that I wanted to be with him and that I never mean't to hurt him ... ect. ... he never once said "I want ot be with you too" or anything. I this usual too? Some one please help me. As you can see I am very upset and I just need to know how to handle him
how long have you been seeing him?
Honey ..... break-up with this guy. It isn't going to get better. I know you "love" him but that isn't an excuse to stay.
This situation will erode your self-esteem, dignity, and sense of self. It already is.
I know you won't break-up with him but that is honestly what you should do.
This situation will erode your self-esteem, dignity, and sense of self. It already is.
I know you won't break-up with him but that is honestly what you should do.
Is there a secret I am missing? We haven't been seeing each other very long ... we arn't in love or anything ... but I like him alot. Oh and also If i don't text him right away he will send me a text back saying "what you don't wanna talk to me anymore?" I mean come on? Am I just suppose to be around my phone all the time waiting on him? HELP!! Sorry it's so long but I am very upset.
Little sparrow why are we like this ... why can't I just breakup with him? Is it cause we don't like to be alone. I know I don't deserve to be treated like this ... but ... I hate this!!
* Is this psycho??
yes. That is why you should leave because his behaviour will become more controlling, possessive, and irratic over time. These things don't get better, they get worse and more dangerous.
* I don't wanna make him mad
That is no way to live your life. People piss each other off. It is just a fact of life. You should never be afraid of the man you are dating and his temper, ever. If you are, there is a serious problem.
yes. That is why you should leave because his behaviour will become more controlling, possessive, and irratic over time. These things don't get better, they get worse and more dangerous.
* I don't wanna make him mad
That is no way to live your life. People piss each other off. It is just a fact of life. You should never be afraid of the man you are dating and his temper, ever. If you are, there is a serious problem.
I am not 100% sure honey. Leaving a relationship is hard especially when you aren't being treated well. I am not sure why this is but I think there is an element of wanting to prove yourself. I think when we are in these bad relationships they feed on our secret fears. Am I not good enough? Will no one ever love me?
Ontop of that we get addicted to the rollercoaster cycle. It is a form of behavioural conditioning called Random Reinforcement. You start to wonder why did he like me on this day and not on this day. What did I do differently on that day? You start to think more and more about it until you are consumed by worry and anxiety. You start to think your behaviour controls his behaviour. This is a bad, BAD place to be.
These unhealthy relationships aren't love. They are addiction and the emotional drama they bring with them keep you from dealing with the real issues in your lives; the things we don't want to deal with. I have been very guilty of this myself. I think everyone is at some point.
In the end, I think they just wear you down so you don't have any fight in you left. Eventually, your sense of self is so erroded you really don't think you do deserve better.
Stop the unhappiness before it truly begins honey. This isn't a war you can win.
Focus on what you REALLY want in life. Your career, your life style , your school, etc and focus on those things.
Ontop of that we get addicted to the rollercoaster cycle. It is a form of behavioural conditioning called Random Reinforcement. You start to wonder why did he like me on this day and not on this day. What did I do differently on that day? You start to think more and more about it until you are consumed by worry and anxiety. You start to think your behaviour controls his behaviour. This is a bad, BAD place to be.
These unhealthy relationships aren't love. They are addiction and the emotional drama they bring with them keep you from dealing with the real issues in your lives; the things we don't want to deal with. I have been very guilty of this myself. I think everyone is at some point.
In the end, I think they just wear you down so you don't have any fight in you left. Eventually, your sense of self is so erroded you really don't think you do deserve better.
Stop the unhappiness before it truly begins honey. This isn't a war you can win.
Focus on what you REALLY want in life. Your career, your life style , your school, etc and focus on those things.
SB, are you sure he isn't a scorpio? That is classic scorpio male traits. The stalking and questioning even when not in a serious relationship. I assume he has tons of scorpio in his chart.
However, the waiting to get to you when he is ready, could definitely be a libra male trait if the two of you haven't been together long.
I agree with LS, this is a bunch of crap. Who needs this drama in the new year? I don't and Lord knows the scorp friend I had caused quite a bit of drama over the past couple days for me. Even after we were no longer involved. Uggghhh.
However, the waiting to get to you when he is ready, could definitely be a libra male trait if the two of you haven't been together long.
I agree with LS, this is a bunch of crap. Who needs this drama in the new year? I don't and Lord knows the scorp friend I had caused quite a bit of drama over the past couple days for me. Even after we were no longer involved. Uggghhh.
His birthday is October 6th. I think he is 100% libra. Are libra men usually the stockerish type?
He's crazy.....astrology won't help only an "order of protection" (sorry I couldn't resist) He's doesn't want his shirt....he's just an ass and I don't think it's a Libra trait.
* I don't and Lord knows the scorp friend I had caused quite a bit of drama over the past couple days for me.
Oh no! What happened?
Oddly, my thought was he sounds like a Scorp. I don't know many Libra men though. I know a ton of Libra women though.
Oh no! What happened?
Oddly, my thought was he sounds like a Scorp. I don't know many Libra men though. I know a ton of Libra women though.
I have to agree with libradiva...I don't think this is typical Libra behaviour. From my experience, they are very jealous - which can lead to "stalkerish" behaviour, and yet they seem to want the other person to make all the effort. Also using excuses to disguise the real reason for something (i.e. wanting his shirt back was probably just an excuse to see you or make sure you weren't seeing someone other than himself).
If you can bear to do it, I wouldn't bother with this guy anymore. I know we like to take on the challenge of "fixing" the troubled souls...but sometimes it ends up taking too much out of yourself.
*hugs*
If you can bear to do it, I wouldn't bother with this guy anymore. I know we like to take on the challenge of "fixing" the troubled souls...but sometimes it ends up taking too much out of yourself.
*hugs*
Thanks for all your suggestions ... I hate being such a softy.
* * Whats the problem with him?!?!?!?!?
Look at the list of things he put you through. THAT is what is wrong with him and why no one wants to be with him.
Look at the list of things he put you through. THAT is what is wrong with him and why no one wants to be with him.
Arianlatay ... how funny is that? I mean we could be twins!!
Its like he texts me every couple of hours ... some bullshit thing ... like he keeps asking me if I have his shirt. It's like he wants to know where I am at at all times.
I wanna know how to play his game back ... he won't listen to how I feel ... he is too stubborn. I really think he is spying on me ... it scares me. Mine also want's me to call when I get home and if I am a minuet late he will text me "are you home yet?" I really don't know why they act like this. Yes mine accuses me of being with other men and when I dress nice instead of him telling me how pretty I look ect., he will ask "why are you so dressed up?" "you have somewhere to go?" I got onto him about the whole guy thing, so he stopped that, but if I don't answer him right away I am ignoring him ect.
--Arianlatay I will be on until 5 so if you wanna keep talking ... maybe we could help each other out--
As for everyone else ... ADVICE PLEASE KEEP IT COMING!!
Its like he texts me every couple of hours ... some bullshit thing ... like he keeps asking me if I have his shirt. It's like he wants to know where I am at at all times.
I wanna know how to play his game back ... he won't listen to how I feel ... he is too stubborn. I really think he is spying on me ... it scares me. Mine also want's me to call when I get home and if I am a minuet late he will text me "are you home yet?" I really don't know why they act like this. Yes mine accuses me of being with other men and when I dress nice instead of him telling me how pretty I look ect., he will ask "why are you so dressed up?" "you have somewhere to go?" I got onto him about the whole guy thing, so he stopped that, but if I don't answer him right away I am ignoring him ect.
--Arianlatay I will be on until 5 so if you wanna keep talking ... maybe we could help each other out--
As for everyone else ... ADVICE PLEASE KEEP IT COMING!!
He's a damaged Libra. Let him sort out his problems without you being drawn into it. What freaks me out is the fact that he sent you a text message asking if you having lunch with someone when you were....seems too odd to be simply coincidental. Wean yourself from his hold, because that's all he's trying to do (control you).
Oh and mine says that I must not care about him, but yet he has NEVER told me how he feels. NEVER!!!
houstonpeach do you think he will ever stop if I wean myself away from him?
"I wanna know how to play his game back ..."
Why the hell would you want to play this game? The only person who stands to get hurt over this is you...if you are not overexxagerating his stalkish behavior, then I beg you to get out of this right now. Those signs are dangerous - whether he's Libra or not!
Why the hell would you want to play this game? The only person who stands to get hurt over this is you...if you are not overexxagerating his stalkish behavior, then I beg you to get out of this right now. Those signs are dangerous - whether he's Libra or not!
as long as you answer these plights of attention, he will not stop. you have to set the controls. if you want him to stop, YOU TELL HIM. Tell him over the phone, text him, and even email him. Email because you have backup that to prove you asked him to stop doing these things. Don't accuse him of being a stalker; that will only provoke him to do more - like a challenge to see how serious you are.
The end result has to be you to tell him to stop.
The end result has to be you to tell him to stop.
* I wanna know how to play his game back
Why?
These are abusive. They could really be off their rockers. This is how abuse starts.
I have a friend who dated a Libra guy that use to treat her this way until they had a child .... then he started beating her.
You two want to know how to fix them. You can't. They are big boys they need to grow up themselves and if they refuse to do it, it isn't your problem unless you decide to stay. THEN you are a fool and don't deserve pity.
This may be "entertaining" to you Arian but it is also the sign of someone who is emotionally abusive and disturbed. I doubt you will find it entertaining if it does escalate if it does and you start getting hit.
Why?
These are abusive. They could really be off their rockers. This is how abuse starts.
I have a friend who dated a Libra guy that use to treat her this way until they had a child .... then he started beating her.
You two want to know how to fix them. You can't. They are big boys they need to grow up themselves and if they refuse to do it, it isn't your problem unless you decide to stay. THEN you are a fool and don't deserve pity.
This may be "entertaining" to you Arian but it is also the sign of someone who is emotionally abusive and disturbed. I doubt you will find it entertaining if it does escalate if it does and you start getting hit.
Didn't see your post HP but I totally agree HP.
There is a great book called, The Gift Of Fear. EVERY woman should read it. It tells you what to do.
There is a great book called, The Gift Of Fear. EVERY woman should read it. It tells you what to do.
I am meeting him after work ... I am giving him his shirt back, even though I know he is using this as an exuse ... but after this what is he gonna use? I am scared you guys ... how do I tell him without makeing him mad? Is that even possible?
He will contact you ... mine didn't even last 4 hours ... he used his shirt as an excuse.
* Yeah I agree there. Thats obvious (no offense).
I knew you wanted answers about why, but I don't think it matters. I thought you were missing the obvious and more important question as what is the matter with him.
This isn't about insecurity. It is about power, control, and abuse. You want to know why he is like this and how to fix it. You can't.
I knew you wanted answers about why, but I don't think it matters. I thought you were missing the obvious and more important question as what is the matter with him.
This isn't about insecurity. It is about power, control, and abuse. You want to know why he is like this and how to fix it. You can't.
SB
Listen to your fear. Tell him you are leaving his shirt at his place or with one of his friends and not contact you again. I suggest as HP via email in case you need it later. Then never respond to him again NO MATTER WHAT he does. Block his number, email, ect. It will get worse before it gets better but if you don't respond, eventually he will stop.
Seriously. Buy the book, "The Gift of Fear."
This is not a game. You can't fix him. Get out while you can.
Listen to your fear. Tell him you are leaving his shirt at his place or with one of his friends and not contact you again. I suggest as HP via email in case you need it later. Then never respond to him again NO MATTER WHAT he does. Block his number, email, ect. It will get worse before it gets better but if you don't respond, eventually he will stop.
Seriously. Buy the book, "The Gift of Fear."
This is not a game. You can't fix him. Get out while you can.
* With these type of men, if you really like them and want them around, you don't tell them about having a life outside of them.
I wish you would look at this and realize how bad this advice is. These are not HEALTHY relationship. They aren't!
You deserve a trusting, happy, healthy, loving relationship. When you aren't allowed to have a life outside your partner ... none of those are present.
I wish you would look at this and realize how bad this advice is. These are not HEALTHY relationship. They aren't!
You deserve a trusting, happy, healthy, loving relationship. When you aren't allowed to have a life outside your partner ... none of those are present.
Good Arian. I am relieved to hear you aren't going to go back to this guy. I worry.
He doesn't have any flaws. He is a good looking guy with lots of cash. He feels entitled to treat women the way he wants. Who knows? He may even be thinking "supply and demand" knowing that on a superficial level he is a catch and lots of women would be happy to put up with his bullshit.
Most men don't realize what assholes they really are. I have met a lot of assholes. None of them believes they are anything but nice guys who can't get a break. Even Al Capone thought he was a nice guy.
He doesn't have any flaws. He is a good looking guy with lots of cash. He feels entitled to treat women the way he wants. Who knows? He may even be thinking "supply and demand" knowing that on a superficial level he is a catch and lots of women would be happy to put up with his bullshit.
Most men don't realize what assholes they really are. I have met a lot of assholes. None of them believes they are anything but nice guys who can't get a break. Even Al Capone thought he was a nice guy.
Beauty, Do not deliver your shirt alone. Take a girlfriend with you. Understand? Do you understand why me and LS are telling you to do these things? If you're scared, then why are you meeting him? Use common sense, sweetie.
The way you write, it seems as if you're looking for someone to tell you that this guy's behavior is his way of showing he loves you or can't live without you - it's not. I'm not sure how old you are or how gullible you are, that's not me to decide that - you are asking for advice.
Your instinct is telling you that you're scared...listen to it.
The way you write, it seems as if you're looking for someone to tell you that this guy's behavior is his way of showing he loves you or can't live without you - it's not. I'm not sure how old you are or how gullible you are, that's not me to decide that - you are asking for advice.
Your instinct is telling you that you're scared...listen to it.
is he on drugs or 20 year old??
SB, dump the dude!!!
Get his address and mail the damned shirt...
Late to this. But either there is something big missing here (like you slept with smeone else at some point during your relationship) or this guy really is crazy. I can ONLY see a Libra acting this way if something serious that involved deception or secretiveness was commited by the other person. In that case there would be a reason to check up on the other person and cross it with what they say then determine if weather or not the person did something deceptive or secretive or IS dishonest and secretive. So....if nothing like this happned at any point during your relationship together than he is completely out of line and behaving in such an extreme mannor that it won't go away over time and you won't be able to convince him that he is out of line. He will make you feel abusive and manipulative for trying to point out the crazyness in his behavior.
If this is what you say it is and I were your friend. I would have you call and break up with him on the phone with myself present so if it didn't stop with the break up you would have a witness for obtaining an order of protection. If he is dangerous (this kind of behavior is found with physically and emotionally abusive persons as well) this will limmit his ability to contact you in the future and make the penalties a lot stiffer if he does.
If this is what you say it is and I were your friend. I would have you call and break up with him on the phone with myself present so if it didn't stop with the break up you would have a witness for obtaining an order of protection. If he is dangerous (this kind of behavior is found with physically and emotionally abusive persons as well) this will limmit his ability to contact you in the future and make the penalties a lot stiffer if he does.
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