judging
Okay so isn't one of the main libran stereotypes that they judge people really quickly? For those of you who don't know,...
This topic was created in the Libra forum by banini on Tuesday, December 26, 2006 and has 85 replies.
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If she told you to stop contacting her, you have to stop contacting her. Trust me. You may think it is endearing but to a woman ... it is terrifying. If you continued and I was her, I would contact the police for advice.
You have to respect people when they say no. That is the difference between truly nice guys and "Nice Guys". "Nice Guys" are self-proclaimed "Nice Guys" who are filled with hostility and don't respect women.
You have to respect people when they say no. That is the difference between truly nice guys and "Nice Guys". "Nice Guys" are self-proclaimed "Nice Guys" who are filled with hostility and don't respect women.
Here is a really, really great article on the difference between the two. Don't become a "Nice Guy" Banini.
http://divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html
http://divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html
I read it and now I want to go curl up under a table and suck my thumb. In a lot of ways I've acted exactly like that. The only saving grace I can think of is that I knew I was behaving that way, but then maybe it's worse because I still did it anyway. I don't want to be that way at all.
It's hard because there are so many people so much younger than me who have somebody and seem so happy, and I don't understand why that hasn't happened for me yet.
It definitely has to do with confidence. I know that deep down I have a very strong sense of morals and what's right and how to be a good man, but I need more confidence than I have to be able to hold myself to that I think.
It's hard because there are so many people so much younger than me who have somebody and seem so happy, and I don't understand why that hasn't happened for me yet.
It definitely has to do with confidence. I know that deep down I have a very strong sense of morals and what's right and how to be a good man, but I need more confidence than I have to be able to hold myself to that I think.
I don't know if it's an issue of trusting women to accept me the way I am, or it's like this image I have of who I'm supposed to be, and the confidence I need won't be there until I've worked to become, and succeeded in becoming that person. But then it seems like other people are able to enjoy being in relationships before they're reached that point for themselves, so why should I not be able to do the same?
Banini - what star sign are you?
Leo
Just be you NOW and the rest will flow from it. Changing is not all that easy. I mean, changing is easy but keeping it up is not so easy.
It sounds a bit dramatic probably but if you accept who you are and are happy in your own skin, then others can accept you for who you are, too. It kinda rubbs off then and you'd probably be more spontaneous at being you...
Sorry if this is a bit frank. Hope you don't mind.
It sounds a bit dramatic probably but if you accept who you are and are happy in your own skin, then others can accept you for who you are, too. It kinda rubbs off then and you'd probably be more spontaneous at being you...
Sorry if this is a bit frank. Hope you don't mind.
"It's hard because there are so many people so much younger than me who have somebody and seem so happy, and I don't understand why that hasn't happened for me yet."
Well one of the reasons is that you want it so bad that it could be sending the wrong signal to a lot of people. The trick to falling in love is not trying to fall in love. Who gives a shit how old you are, everything happens for a reason, and that includes not settling down with someone yet. Just go back and analyze what you want, and why you want it becuase you don't want desperation to get the better of you. Be comfortable, like truely comfortable with being alone and then someone will be able to be comfortable with you.
Well one of the reasons is that you want it so bad that it could be sending the wrong signal to a lot of people. The trick to falling in love is not trying to fall in love. Who gives a shit how old you are, everything happens for a reason, and that includes not settling down with someone yet. Just go back and analyze what you want, and why you want it becuase you don't want desperation to get the better of you. Be comfortable, like truely comfortable with being alone and then someone will be able to be comfortable with you.
I usually don't want it that bad though. Only once in a while.
Watch out when a Leo wants something bad enough LOL.
Well, there's that, but it's not fair to blame my sign for it is it?
no coz its my starsign as well but Im not blaming you 
I'm confused.
never mind...I confuse myself too - ignore me
Banini
You are what? 24?
You are far from over the hill. When you are 34, we will talk.
But at least you know some of what you are doing wrong. You can't take a girl by storm. We don't work that way.
Unfortunetly, we don't always get what we want. It doesn't seem fair at the time but sometimes rejection is a kindness we don't see at the time. We wouldn't be happy had things worked out the way we wanted. Sometimes these are blessing in disguise.
You are what? 24?
You are far from over the hill. When you are 34, we will talk.
But at least you know some of what you are doing wrong. You can't take a girl by storm. We don't work that way.
Unfortunetly, we don't always get what we want. It doesn't seem fair at the time but sometimes rejection is a kindness we don't see at the time. We wouldn't be happy had things worked out the way we wanted. Sometimes these are blessing in disguise.
I believe thats definitely true LS. Thank you.
Alright, during the last day or two I've been thinking about this a lot, and how I can improve. Some thoughts I've had so far are differences between me and those "Nice Guys" that one lady talks about in that article. Like for example, I don't just want to get into this girls pants. I want somebody who amazes me who I can cuddle with and have all kinds of warm fuzzy exciting moments with. And I want to be all those things for them as well. Hey, if getting into some pants is included in that, I certainly wouldn't mind, but I don't want that by itself at all. Another difference I think -and I say I think because I don't know, maybe I'm fooling myself into thinking I'm different than those "Nice Guys", when I'm really not- is that I don't feel I'm entitled to a chance with a person for any reason. I do really want a chance, so I go after it the way I've always gone after anything I wanted that much, which works really well for everything I've ever gotten that way, but obviously not here. For some reason, no matter how much I think I understand that, I still have a really difficult time applying that understanding to my actions. I also don't have any negative feelings towards her. I don't think she's a bitch for not being interested in me. On the contrary, I really admire her. I don't respect her the way I want to, which I don't entirely understand. It's very difficult for me. I think it could be because I can't understand why she would respond to me at all if she's bothered by my behavior. So then I can't respect that about her. But then I'm simply amazed at the way her responses make me realize what my behavior is, and what it's doing to me, and to her, and suddenly I feel like I've been hit by a train and woken up. At that point I'm completely humbled and if I were in her presence I would be compelled to bow before her, find some amazing way to show my appreciation, and then turn and leave silently in a state of deep contemplation and wonderment. Okay, weird, but thats still how I feel about it, and then I have to respect her more than I think I've ever respected anyone, even though that respect is at odds with my difficulty to respect her in the beginning. Do I sound crazy at all...?
I want to resolve this. It's been way too long, I'm tired of thinking about it all the time. Sometimes it makes me feel really bad, other times it makes me feel really happy, and while I occasionally come to realize something new from it, like a new lesson about life and relationships, it could be even the next day that I think maybe it wasn't really anything I didn't know before anyway. Will this go away eventually by itself, or do I need to take some sort of action to resolve it and let it go, and if so, what?
banini.."At that point I'm completely humbled and if I were in her presence I would be compelled to bow before her, find some amazing way to show my appreciation, and then turn and leave silently in a state of deep contemplation and wonderment"
Is this an actual chic you are speaking of? Why not try it?? I know if a guy did this to me..uhh, it would be on.. like hot butter on popcorn.. cheesy I know, but true. He wouldn't be going no where..
Is this an actual chic you are speaking of? Why not try it?? I know if a guy did this to me..uhh, it would be on.. like hot butter on popcorn.. cheesy I know, but true. He wouldn't be going no where..
What do you mean try it? Like if I did that it would turn things around, and then she would be interested? But then I would be doing it to get her interested, and even if that wasn't the only reason I was doing it, it would still seem that way, which might make it not work. So the only reason I can see for really doing it, is just to do it and show my appreciation, and then be done with it. I mean, and then if it worked, and she was suddenly interested in me as a result, I can't be interested in her anymore, because if I am, then wait, maybe that was the reason I did the whole bowing thing. It's freaking lame. I either just let her go completely and do it, or worry that I'm playing a game. No way around it.
banini.. I must confess I did not read all the posts on this board.. way to many.. just read the last few so I do not have the whole picture I guess..
I think you are thinking way too much about this.. If you actions are sincere, which from the comment they seem to be, then it will come across as such. If your actions are insincere then they will come across as cheesy and you will lose her. I think you are not giving her any credit for being human. We all have feelings, whether we like to admit it or not, and utter humility.. for most.. will bring out major emotions that were not there before, because you're doing the unexpected.. everyone expects to be dealt with harshly.. but when someone is tender and forthcoming it is HARD to resist.
I think you are thinking way too much about this.. If you actions are sincere, which from the comment they seem to be, then it will come across as such. If your actions are insincere then they will come across as cheesy and you will lose her. I think you are not giving her any credit for being human. We all have feelings, whether we like to admit it or not, and utter humility.. for most.. will bring out major emotions that were not there before, because you're doing the unexpected.. everyone expects to be dealt with harshly.. but when someone is tender and forthcoming it is HARD to resist.
Banini, 2 months away from this Libra girl is NOT a long time in her mind. I think there may still be hope here. I'd just let the whole judged / misjudged issue go. You're a Leo, right? My Leo pals always want the spotlight (and nothing wrong with that---it's just the way they are). So, IMO, if you ever want anything to really start happening---in a positive way---with this Libra girl, you'll have to let her have the spotlight at first. AND, most important of all, be truthful. Give her the spotlight. If you get a chance to communicate, just be truthful---they can see through anything false. Give her enough attention and truth about yourself, she'll take the time to go over the thousands of ideas swirling in her head about you. Also, if you think she's still getting over being hurt in other relationships, you may need to wait. It's better to let her handle that (and get her mind off that) before you get involved again. And: ask yourself if it's worth your effort. Leos have no problem getting the girls!
The only reason there would be hope here would be that occasionally I've done things that she thought were really cool and she's said so. But even in those situations, I didn't know how to respond. Basically when I'm around her, I don't know how to respond, and I don't know how to behave. I do respond, and I demonstrate different kinds of behavior, some bad, some that might be good, but I still don't know, and I also don't know what effect it has, like I'm totally unaware of what I'm doing, but I'm aware that I'm not aware of it, which makes me feel insecure and uncomfortable.
Basically what I know is that she's not interested, and that she doesn't dislike me, which seems amazing considering the way I've behaved, but I guess it's just the way I've behaved that she doesn't like.
Basically what I know is that she's not interested, and that she doesn't dislike me, which seems amazing considering the way I've behaved, but I guess it's just the way I've behaved that she doesn't like.
** I guess it's just the way I've behaved that she doesn't like.
Not really. I generally dislike the way a person behaves. I rarely dislike the person. I maybe highly indifferent but dislike? very, very, very rare.
I wish I had advice on how to let her go and get your mind off of it. The best I can think of is to tell yourself that it is just an incompatibility thing. She can't give you what you want because it isn't in her to give so you would never have been happy anyway.
Not really. I generally dislike the way a person behaves. I rarely dislike the person. I maybe highly indifferent but dislike? very, very, very rare.
I wish I had advice on how to let her go and get your mind off of it. The best I can think of is to tell yourself that it is just an incompatibility thing. She can't give you what you want because it isn't in her to give so you would never have been happy anyway.
oops I cut that comment short. lol!
I was trying to say it is easy to believe she does not dislike you but dislikes your behaviour because that is generally how I work as well. (not that I dislike you or your behaviour.)
I was trying to say it is easy to believe she does not dislike you but dislikes your behaviour because that is generally how I work as well. (not that I dislike you or your behaviour.)
Yeah, well thats actually what she said, more or less.
Okay, so why do I behave this way towards her, but not other women? Is it the Leo Libra ego clash thing?
I am not sure that Libra as a sign likes Leo as a sign. Leo is dramatic and highly prone to gossip. Leo takes centre stage a lot and Libra is very one-on-one. Like, Leo will get its fix from anyone, Libra only gets it from a selected few. Both need attention but in a different way. Maybe they are also similar in some ways and they thread on each other's toes a bit.
Leo may also not like Libra in return - but I don't know much about that.
(Nothing personal is meant here to anyone!!)
Leo may also not like Libra in return - but I don't know much about that.
(Nothing personal is meant here to anyone!!)
hmmmmm no comment I don't think.....so much for the Leo/Libra perfect match LOL. I think they make a great friend couple....my Libran and I are better friends than anything else....will keep it that way
Roar!!!!
Roar!!!!
Chatz
Did not mean to hurt you by this...
I think there is a gentle competition between Leo and Libra girls, both are quite feminine etc and know how to make a head turn.
Maybe as a couple it's different. But Libra man in my life is Leo rising - and he is very VERY dominant.
Did not mean to hurt you by this...
I think there is a gentle competition between Leo and Libra girls, both are quite feminine etc and know how to make a head turn.
Maybe as a couple it's different. But Libra man in my life is Leo rising - and he is very VERY dominant.
My ex business partner is a Leo and while we both have traits that gets on the others nerves like him not thinking things through and being really compulsive and self serving and I can be lazy and verbally dominant but when it came down to go time (we had a dangerous job that required a lot of trust) we put complete faith in each other. We could be pissed in one minute and in the other I would put myself in danger to keep him safe and vice versa. In the long run though he is a much better friend than business partner, we just see the world from very different perspectives.
007 de Mus - sounds exciting...!!!
How come you've picked a Dutch alias anway?
How come you've picked a Dutch alias anway?
I know another libra woman that I am very good friends with, even though we've only ever actually met like once or twice. Maybe thats why?
Libra
I actually have to disagree with you.
I actually LOVE leos. LOVE 'em. LOVE 'em all. Even my cousin who can be a lot to take as he tends to be a disaster in nice shoes.
Maybe it is my Leo moon but I pretty much fit your description of Leo. When I am in the mood for it, I want to be the center of attention. It is only when I have a partner that I truly love and who inspires loyalty in me do I back off and allow them, nay push them into the spotlight.
I actually think Leo and Libra inspire each other to do better and be more. I also think there is a bit of an ego clash because they are so much alike. We just tend to get each other and know how to make the other happy because at base it is the same. We both need attention, affection, a little class, and a little unexpected flair.
I actually have to disagree with you.
I actually LOVE leos. LOVE 'em. LOVE 'em all. Even my cousin who can be a lot to take as he tends to be a disaster in nice shoes.
Maybe it is my Leo moon but I pretty much fit your description of Leo. When I am in the mood for it, I want to be the center of attention. It is only when I have a partner that I truly love and who inspires loyalty in me do I back off and allow them, nay push them into the spotlight.
I actually think Leo and Libra inspire each other to do better and be more. I also think there is a bit of an ego clash because they are so much alike. We just tend to get each other and know how to make the other happy because at base it is the same. We both need attention, affection, a little class, and a little unexpected flair.
Okay, so now I'm wondering this.
So I want to be able to do something amazing that will get her interested and decide that I might be pretty cool to hang out with. But, every person, including myself, is already amazing, and the only thing they should have to do to amaze people who might be interested in them, is be themselves. Okay fine, but, maybe, it's in my nature to find or figure out something amazing or spectacular to gain her interest, and by doing so I would be being myself.
So I want to be able to do something amazing that will get her interested and decide that I might be pretty cool to hang out with. But, every person, including myself, is already amazing, and the only thing they should have to do to amaze people who might be interested in them, is be themselves. Okay fine, but, maybe, it's in my nature to find or figure out something amazing or spectacular to gain her interest, and by doing so I would be being myself.
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