Cancer moons gather round... I need advice on
Posted by Cg2016"... How can I be a support to him at this time?"
My love’s mom has stage 3 cancer. We’re far away from each other now. I have to work in nyc and he and his family lives in miami. A similar situation happened to me when I was 18 with another cancer moon guy. His mom ended up passing away. He shut me out and I was sad and upset but I obviously wouldn’t get upset this time around (10 years later). I mean I’ll keep the faith for her recovery of course, I wish nothing more. But my question to you all is how can I be a support to him at this time? What would you guys want?
• Make yourself available.
• Reinforce and understanding that your offer to be available is genuine and not simply an offer of obligation.
• Be diligent on checking in with them if an appropriate amount of time has passed and they have not checked in with you.
• Each time you speak with them ask at the beginning of the conversation if your role is to listen, to support, to advise, or to motivate.
• Validate their feelings with your own.
• Acknowledge their views, thoughts, or beliefs as they were conveyed to you before you add your own views thoughts, or beliefs.
• Know your limits and be realistic about them
• Support their hopes, and help them to understand their own limit. Do not set them for them.
In short... Just be yourself, lol. being there for somebody shouldn't be any different than any other day really. Reason you're both friends is because of who you are not who you try to be in a situation just because it's in that situation. You know what that looks like I'm sure.
"What would you guys want?"
Kind of sort of all of the things I said above, BUT I, myself, tend to be hyper self-reliant and typically don't like too much involvement from others. I don't like to inconvenience people with my own crap and a lot of times, if I'm pushed to include them in my crap, people tend to respond by trying to do too much. When that happens then I'm placed in an awkward position of trying not to upset them or be rude while I'm trying to get all this other stuff done so then it's an unnecessary additional pressure. I prefer to fly solo, but a large part of that has to do with the fact that I had to be self-reliant growing up out of necessity. It's just who I am now. Most people like the whole squishy help me smother me 'stuff', lol. 🤮
Change History
Posted by Cg2016"... How can I be a support to him at this time?"
My love’s mom has stage 3 cancer. We’re far away from each other now. I have to work in nyc and he and his family lives in miami. A similar situation happened to me when I was 18 with another cancer moon guy. His mom ended up passing away. He shut me out and I was sad and upset but I obviously wouldn’t get upset this time around (10 years later). I mean I’ll keep the faith for her recovery of course, I wish nothing more. But my question to you all is how can I be a support to him at this time? What would you guys want?
• Make yourself available.
• Reinforce and understanding that your offer to be available is genuine and not simply an offer of obligation.
• Be diligent on checking in with them if an appropriate amount of time has passed and they have not checked in with you.
• Each time you speak with them ask at the beginning of the conversation if your role is to listen, to support, to advise, or to motivate.
• Validate their feelings with your own.
• Acknowledge their views, thoughts, or beliefs as they were conveyed to you before you add your own views thoughts, or beliefs.
• Know your limits and be realistic about them
• Support their hopes, and help them to understand their own limit. Do not set them for them.
In short... Just be yourself, lol. being there for somebody shouldn't be any different than any other day really. Reason you're both friends is because of who you are not who you try to be in a situation just because it's in that situation. You know what that looks like I'm sure.
"What would you guys want?"
Pretty much all of the things I said above, BUT I, myself, tend to be hyper self-reliant and typically don't like too much involvement from others. I don't like to inconvenience people with my own crap and a lot of times, if I'm pushed to include them in my crap, people tend to respond by trying to do too much. When that happens then I'm puttin awkward position of trying not to upset them or be rude while I'm trying to get all this other stuff done so then it's an unnecessary additional pressure. I prefer to fly solo, but a large part of that has to do with the fact that I had to be self-reliant growing up out of necessity. It's just who I am now. Most people like the whole squishy help me smother me 'stuff', lol. ?
Posted by Cg2016"... How can I be a support to him at this time?"
My love’s mom has stage 3 cancer. We’re far away from each other now. I have to work in nyc and he and his family lives in miami. A similar situation happened to me when I was 18 with another cancer moon guy. His mom ended up passing away. He shut me out and I was sad and upset but I obviously wouldn’t get upset this time around (10 years later). I mean I’ll keep the faith for her recovery of course, I wish nothing more. But my question to you all is how can I be a support to him at this time? What would you guys want?
• Make yourself available.
• Reinforce and understanding that your offer to be available is genuine and not simply an offer of obligation.
• Be diligent on checking in with them if an appropriate amount of time has passed and they have not checked in with you.
• Each time you speak with them ask at the beginning of the conversation if your role is to listen, to support, to advise, or to motivate.
• Validate their feelings with your own.
• Acknowledge their views, thoughts, or beliefs as they were conveyed to you before you add your own views thoughts, or beliefs.
• Know your limits and be realistic about them
• Support their hopes, and help them to understand their own limit. Do not set them for them.
In short... Just be yourself, lol. being there for somebody shouldn't be any different than any other day really. Reason you're both friends is because of who you are not who you try to be in a situation just because it's in that situation. You know what that looks like I'm sure.
"What would you guys want?"
Pretty much all of the things I said above, BUT I, myself, tend to be hyper self-reliant and typically don't like too much involvement from others. I don't like to inconvenience people with my own crap and a lot of times, if I'm pushed to include them in my crap, people tend to respond by trying to do too much. When that happens then I'm placed in an awkward position of trying not to upset them or be rude while I'm trying to get all this other stuff done so then it's an unnecessary additional pressure. I prefer to fly solo, but a large part of that has to do with the fact that I had to be self-reliant growing up out of necessity. It's just who I am now. Most people like the whole squishy help me smother me 'stuff', lol. ?
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Posted by Aqua-MarinePosted by TheApparitionPosted by Aqua-MarinePosted by TheApparitionPosted by Aqua-MarinePosted by Isolde
‘The same should be said for men then who don’t want women with hairy legs or armpits. It’s natural.’
I’m glad you understood the concept of nature ^ 🥱🙄
My point is with your logic men who prefer women with shaved legs like “prepubescent” girls ? So why is it if a woman likes a man shaven she likes “prepubescent” guys?
Are you a boomer?
Anyways why do people care what others prefer lije who gives an f seriously. If you like hairy men more power to you, if someone likes men with no hair more power to them. If a man likes woman shaven, that’s fine, with hair? That’s fine too! It aint that deep.
I would prefer to not have hairy legs although Im not going to bash another girl for not. Like I told the user above hair is natural for both genders, yet somehow being hairless = more feminine or more like a child? Some races have more hair than others. So to me I think amount of hair is just as much of a preference as preferring dark hair to blonde.
Plus I really dislike when people think a man who shaves or grooms themselves is “gay” or “feminine”. Foolish correlation.
Umm... I just posted that to break the tension. Haha. I did something similar to them when they had posted that comment initially also.
You guys are pretty much debating the exact same point is why. The point they were trying to make is that it's silliness. They just exaggerated the point to get it across. That's why they said something like 'so you understand how nature works' after what you had said lined up with what they meant.
So... It's essentially kumbaya. Hair is natural. It shouldn't be hated just because it's there. Don't feel obligated to get rid of it if you don't want too. Go for it if you do.
😀
Yeah you’re right I agree. I just feel she went too far with the whole prepubescent concept. Like that was pretty uncalled for and pretty disturbing.click to expand
Disturbing indeed. But shock is a very effective form of getting a point across sometimes.
Also, I take it you didn't see my replies then, haha. Those were worse. I wouldn't recommend going back and reading them. Lol
Posted by Black-MambaHaha don't know about you but I feel like we being ignored. That or either the op just putting all us on. Kept refreshing this thread for a staggering 2 hours long. I'm tired and I'm about to crash for tonight. Can't hang much longer.Posted by Jumpin_JupiterPosted by Black-MambaPosted by G6Posted by peachy06
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Posted by Aqua-MarinePosted by Isolde
‘The same should be said for men then who don’t want women with hairy legs or armpits. It’s natural.’
I’m glad you understood the concept of nature ^ 🥱🙄
My point is with your logic men who prefer women with shaved legs like “prepubescent” girls ? So why is it if a woman likes a man shaven she likes “prepubescent” guys?
Are you a boomer?
Anyways why do people care what others prefer lije who gives an f seriously. If you like hairy men more power to you, if someone likes men with no hair more power to them. If a man likes woman shaven, that’s fine, with hair? That’s fine too! It aint that deep.click to expand
You’re a very sensitive person and clearly triggered by this and that’s fine. You have already answered the question... people are entitled to their own taste and that’s a good thing.
Body hair on humans is normal, in society we determine what is acceptable beauty standards.
There’s no need to put so much weight and validation of opinions from comments on the internet, go out and make real friends and value their opinion.
And yes I must be a boomer that would explain it all 🙄
Seriously, lighten up. Like you said it ain’t that deep
Posted by TheApparitionPosted by Aqua-MarinePosted by TheApparitionPosted by Aqua-MarinePosted by TheApparitionPosted by Aqua-MarinePosted by Isolde
‘The same should be said for men then who don’t want women with hairy legs or armpits. It’s natural.’
I’m glad you understood the concept of nature ^ 🥱🙄
My point is with your logic men who prefer women with shaved legs like “prepubescent” girls ? So why is it if a woman likes a man shaven she likes “prepubescent” guys?
Are you a boomer?
Anyways why do people care what others prefer lije who gives an f seriously. If you like hairy men more power to you, if someone likes men with no hair more power to them. If a man likes woman shaven, that’s fine, with hair? That’s fine too! It aint that deep.
I would prefer to not have hairy legs although Im not going to bash another girl for not. Like I told the user above hair is natural for both genders, yet somehow being hairless = more feminine or more like a child? Some races have more hair than others. So to me I think amount of hair is just as much of a preference as preferring dark hair to blonde.
Plus I really dislike when people think a man who shaves or grooms themselves is “gay” or “feminine”. Foolish correlation.
Umm... I just posted that to break the tension. Haha. I did something similar to them when they had posted that comment initially also.
You guys are pretty much debating the exact same point is why. The point they were trying to make is that it's silliness. They just exaggerated the point to get it across. That's why they said something like 'so you understand how nature works' after what you had said lined up with what they meant.
So... It's essentially kumbaya. Hair is natural. It shouldn't be hated just because it's there. Don't feel obligated to get rid of it if you don't want too. Go for it if you do.
😀
Yeah you’re right I agree. I just feel she went too far with the whole prepubescent concept. Like that was pretty uncalled for and pretty disturbing.
Disturbing indeed. But shock is a very effective form of getting a point across sometimes.
Also, I take it you didn't see my replies then, haha. Those were worse. I wouldn't recommend going back and reading them. Lolclick to expand
Irony and humour doesn’t always translate. There’s a lot of users here that are wayyy too sensitive
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I saw this clip on an SNL special. I remember looking for it before and it was nowhere to be found. But I found it now.
Patrick Swayze is in it. This would be around the time of the movie Ghost. It also has Dana Carvey in it with the immortal Don Pardo as the announcer.
Bonus to whomever can name the tune they are singing to - first to reply!
Enjoy.
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