Reexperiencing trauma & seeking old traumaexperiences
Posted by UndineThank you so much. You change the way I think about this problem.
"Do I go back into past memories to win the war against my mom?"
You can't win the war. Because you didn't actually take part in one. You were born a prisoner. You had no rights. Not even the right to complain for being abused. Fighting or not, made little difference.
Your "job" was to get the hell out of there. Be free again.
It wasn't your war. Please understand that and get out. It wasn't even personal. It could have been anyone else in your place. It's not because you were sickly! A normal parent would have loved you and protected you even more. Your mother was not normal.
eah my mother was not normal, I keep forgetting that. I ate dinner at a friends place I started puking, she picked up but didnt speak to me at all cause she felt humiliated. On the way home she had to pull over cause I had to puke again,
she yrlled me to hurry up and get in the car. I had convos with her recently she is still not compassionate even though shr became a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. She trains medstudents. She likes roleplays where she plays a patient who is dying and the student have to deal with it.
Some cried. I dont know what to think of that. Thats something I gotta explore how she is not normal cause I kinda fet into stockholm syndrome and agree with everything she says when I am around her.