The creepiest moon around
Posted by BumboklaatYea.Posted by Dastard2020
I don't give a damn about most people. Yes, there is an intensity and all or nothing quality and approach in general, but desperate for quick connection or any type connection? Absolutely not.
There's people I respect, some people I could easily connect with like no other, some that I can easily picture becoming as close as family to me or the bests of friends, etc.
But if I notice just a few bad enough traits in them that I can't stand, then it's a deal breaker. Enough for me to decide to never really let them in and shut them out forever. And just accept they are not meant to be in my life because we will clash and things will turn from bad to ugly. But just because I saw potential in them does not mean I care about them. They are still outsiders to me and will always be outsiders and thus have very little to no value to me (not saying they don't have intrinsic value or redeeming qualities).
Some deal breaker traits:
Arrogance
Dismissiveness
A self-centered worldview
An egoic drive to assert dominance
Hypocrisy
Lying
Coping with denial to protect their ego
Being inconsiderate
Preying on perceived weaknesses
Low effort due to entitlement or an inflated sense of self
Braggarts
Overconfidence in their own abilities
Being a nice person just because they have an easy life and things are going well for them, but turning into an asshole the moment shit starts to hit the fan or they have a bad day
Throwing their weight around
Undervalues and underestimates others
Thinks they've seen it all
Thinks and/or feels like they are the only person with a hard life and everyone else has it much easier (no one can top them)
Not careful with their words
Impulsiveness
Hard to reason with or make them see another viewpoint, as if they were NPCs operating through their programming
Chronic complainers
Willful victims and doormats
Cowards who won't face their problems to fix them
Escapists
Don't stand up for what they want and believe in
They lack conviction and a strong sense of justice
Guilt-tripping (manipulative) in general
Can't own up to their shit
Can't take responsibility for their actions
Can't apologize
Their apologies are meaningless
Chooses to wallow in misery and refuses to even acknowledge there's a way out of misery; because it takes effort and work and they are lazy and weak
I could go on and on. But yea, I don't get attached to just about anything or anyone I come across.
Pretty specific list eh.click to expand
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Related Messages
Posted by LostthoughtsHe’s been through so much and is such a loving and giving person. I just keep trying to stay calm and stable through it until his nervous system can feel safe.Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by Lostthoughts
The process is:
Remembering
Which causes the emotions attached to them to be Reexperinced. Hopefully getting them out in a healthy way to drain some of the emotional power out of it to reprocess the experience. The anger shame sadness. A big part of trauma childhood truama is understanding it was never about you but the adult. Then the anger from that. Every emotions needs to be understood with onesself.
Then comes understanding and acceptance of what happened in the past. The memory remains but it's a lot lighter after that. Just another memory from the past. This is the natural process.
Usually if after all of that you feel something about it, then it relates to something import to you and then you take it as a learning experience of whst not to do or do differently yourself. With this Most tend to find ways in the world to stop it from happening to others or be there for other victims. Activism. Honestly reminds me of chiron in astrology.
Niw about you,
Well, you have a general idea what you need to do yourself to be emotionally stable. If he is upsetting you too it can cause a nasty feedback loop, reinforcing and feeding his own negative feelings with his past. So Your health is even more important now.
Thats what trauma is about, not the memories themselves but the emotions and feelings attached to them. It's why something will effect one person but do nothing to another.
It's ok not to be able to handle his state ALL the time. Give him space while letting him know you are still there and will be there. You yourself have to be stable.
Mind share what the trauma is and how he is acting out because of it?
Let summarize his childhood this way, his brother is brain damaged and lives at home due to the physical abuse from his father. He grew up in a very rough neighborhood and has held stab victims together when he was 10.
His last relationship ended when his wife had an affair.
So the man has endured a lot, which is why his nervous system is struggling atm. It’s trying to protect him so desperately and unfortunately it creates disruption in us. He feels anxiety about me leaving, or cheating. But it can be very intense at times. It’s not abusive, but it’s disruptive as my bandwidth is limited and I don’t handle the emotional chaos well. I have to keep my life really stable or my body struggles to manage the stress.
That's a lot of violence and struggling to survive.
Huh... he doesn't need any of those skill sets with you.
Let me put it this way, with you, He doesn't have to be that way, watching out for shit like that to survive.
A part of his identity thats wants resolved because he now has space to and doesn't match his reality anymore.
hey remember that song " Video killed the radio star"?
People fought tooth and nail until they adapted to the new change. Adapted to TV.
All you got to do is continue to be TV, your vibe without you rejecting his, he is doing that himself, it will take time. Hold your energy while he is processing his energy and changing it over.
Does that make sense?
P.S. He is and will pick up on your energy. You got to be able to read people in order to survive the childhood he did. So don't deny how you are feeling just describe what it means for you and how you are handling it to him. That will keep the trauma from being reinforced, trust and safety is at the heart of his truama. Show him that.
That's why holding your vibe and convictions with him are important. As well as your own welbing and vibe🙂
I pray he comes out of this transition better for it and repurposes this part of him.click to expand
Posted by xkachiWhich I told him. He felt he was ready when he met me, and his kids are doing amazing. But he’s still processing A LOT.Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by xkachiPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by xkachi
Dealing with trauma is a never ending process, if he's only dealing with it now in couples therapy and not as an individuals then he's not doing it for himself... So is it really working for him?
He and I both are in our own individual sessions and he’s been going for over a year, myself 6 years.
We are just proactively asking for couples as we both came from long term and toxic marriages.
How recent were the divorce?
That's good you're both attending individual counseling.
His was just under a year when he met me. Whereas I’ve been on my own for years.
I’m the first relationship since he was a teenager.
"His was just under a year when he met me"
I'm not an expert but maybe he needs more time?click to expand
Posted by MyStarsShineHe was a teen parent and married the baby mama in Mid 20’s.Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by xkachiPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by xkachi
Dealing with trauma is a never ending process, if he's only dealing with it now in couples therapy and not as an individuals then he's not doing it for himself... So is it really working for him?
He and I both are in our own individual sessions and he’s been going for over a year, myself 6 years.
We are just proactively asking for couples as we both came from long term and toxic marriages.
How recent were the divorce?
That's good you're both attending individual counseling.
click to expand
His was just under a year when he met me. Whereas I’ve been on my own for years.
I’m the first relationship since he was a teenager.
He was married in his teens?click to expand
Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by Lostthoughts
The process is:
Remembering
Which causes the emotions attached to them to be Reexperinced. Hopefully getting them out in a healthy way to drain some of the emotional power out of it to reprocess the experience. The anger shame sadness. A big part of trauma childhood truama is understanding it was never about you but the adult. Then the anger from that. Every emotions needs to be understood with onesself.
Then comes understanding and acceptance of what happened in the past. The memory remains but it's a lot lighter after that. Just another memory from the past. This is the natural process.
Usually if after all of that you feel something about it, then it relates to something import to you and then you take it as a learning experience of whst not to do or do differently yourself. With this Most tend to find ways in the world to stop it from happening to others or be there for other victims. Activism. Honestly reminds me of chiron in astrology.
Niw about you,
Well, you have a general idea what you need to do yourself to be emotionally stable. If he is upsetting you too it can cause a nasty feedback loop, reinforcing and feeding his own negative feelings with his past. So Your health is even more important now.
Thats what trauma is about, not the memories themselves but the emotions and feelings attached to them. It's why something will effect one person but do nothing to another.
It's ok not to be able to handle his state ALL the time. Give him space while letting him know you are still there and will be there. You yourself have to be stable.
Mind share what the trauma is and how he is acting out because of it?
Let summarize his childhood this way, his brother is brain damaged and lives at home due to the physical abuse from his father. He grew up in a very rough neighborhood and has held stab victims together when he was 10.
His last relationship ended when his wife had an affair.
So the man has endured a lot, which is why his nervous system is struggling atm. It’s trying to protect him so desperately and unfortunately it creates disruption in us. He feels anxiety about me leaving, or cheating. But it can be very intense at times. It’s not abusive, but it’s disruptive as my bandwidth is limited and I don’t handle the emotional chaos well. I have to keep my life really stable or my body struggles to manage the stress.
That's a lot of violence and struggling to survive.
Huh... he doesn't need any of those skill sets with you.
Let me put it this way, with you, He doesn't have to be that way, watching out for shit like that to survive.
A part of his identity thats wants resolved because he now has space to and doesn't match his reality anymore.
hey remember that song " Video killed the radio star"?
People fought tooth and nail until they adapted to the new change. Adapted to TV.
All you got to do is continue to be TV, your vibe without you rejecting his, he is doing that himself, it will take time. Hold your energy while he is processing his energy and changing it over.
Does that make sense?
P.S. He is and will pick up on your energy. You got to be able to read people in order to survive the childhood he did. So don't deny how you are feeling just describe what it means for you and how you are handling it to him. That will keep the trauma from being reinforced, trust and safety is at the heart of his truama. Show him that.
That's why holding your vibe and convictions with him are important. As well as your own welbing and vibe🙂
I pray he comes out of this transition better for it and repurposes this part of him.
He’s been through so much and is such a loving and giving person. I just keep trying to stay calm and stable through it until his nervous system can feel safe.click to expand
A sensitive guy🙂
Body mind spirit. He will get through the process and better for it.
As will you.
Posted by LostthoughtsMost men are sensitive, they just need to feel safe and loved enough to lean into it.Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by Lostthoughts
The process is:
Remembering
Which causes the emotions attached to them to be Reexperinced. Hopefully getting them out in a healthy way to drain some of the emotional power out of it to reprocess the experience. The anger shame sadness. A big part of trauma childhood truama is understanding it was never about you but the adult. Then the anger from that. Every emotions needs to be understood with onesself.
Then comes understanding and acceptance of what happened in the past. The memory remains but it's a lot lighter after that. Just another memory from the past. This is the natural process.
Usually if after all of that you feel something about it, then it relates to something import to you and then you take it as a learning experience of whst not to do or do differently yourself. With this Most tend to find ways in the world to stop it from happening to others or be there for other victims. Activism. Honestly reminds me of chiron in astrology.
Niw about you,
Well, you have a general idea what you need to do yourself to be emotionally stable. If he is upsetting you too it can cause a nasty feedback loop, reinforcing and feeding his own negative feelings with his past. So Your health is even more important now.
Thats what trauma is about, not the memories themselves but the emotions and feelings attached to them. It's why something will effect one person but do nothing to another.
It's ok not to be able to handle his state ALL the time. Give him space while letting him know you are still there and will be there. You yourself have to be stable.
Mind share what the trauma is and how he is acting out because of it?
Let summarize his childhood this way, his brother is brain damaged and lives at home due to the physical abuse from his father. He grew up in a very rough neighborhood and has held stab victims together when he was 10.
His last relationship ended when his wife had an affair.
So the man has endured a lot, which is why his nervous system is struggling atm. It’s trying to protect him so desperately and unfortunately it creates disruption in us. He feels anxiety about me leaving, or cheating. But it can be very intense at times. It’s not abusive, but it’s disruptive as my bandwidth is limited and I don’t handle the emotional chaos well. I have to keep my life really stable or my body struggles to manage the stress.
That's a lot of violence and struggling to survive.
Huh... he doesn't need any of those skill sets with you.
Let me put it this way, with you, He doesn't have to be that way, watching out for shit like that to survive.
A part of his identity thats wants resolved because he now has space to and doesn't match his reality anymore.
hey remember that song " Video killed the radio star"?
People fought tooth and nail until they adapted to the new change. Adapted to TV.
All you got to do is continue to be TV, your vibe without you rejecting his, he is doing that himself, it will take time. Hold your energy while he is processing his energy and changing it over.
Does that make sense?
P.S. He is and will pick up on your energy. You got to be able to read people in order to survive the childhood he did. So don't deny how you are feeling just describe what it means for you and how you are handling it to him. That will keep the trauma from being reinforced, trust and safety is at the heart of his truama. Show him that.
That's why holding your vibe and convictions with him are important. As well as your own welbing and vibe🙂
I pray he comes out of this transition better for it and repurposes this part of him.
He’s been through so much and is such a loving and giving person. I just keep trying to stay calm and stable through it until his nervous system can feel safe.
A sensitive guy🙂
Body mind spirit. He will get through the process and better for it.
As will you.click to expand
How does one get bored!? I mean really.... there's sooo much to do in life!
Posted by ArgusAmen to this 👍
How does one get bored!? I mean really.... there's sooo much to do in life!
Posted by CAPZPRIMETravelPosted by Argus
How does one get bored!? I mean really.... there's sooo much to do in life!
listclick to expand
Learn a language
Learn to play an instrument
Learn to fly a plane
Move to a new area/different country
Learn to sing/dance
Study a new subject
Read books
Write a book / poetry
Swim / play a sport
Change career
Volunteer to help those less fortunate
Etc etc
Posted by CAPZPRIMEWell, #1 would be beat your laziness & # 2 make your own list! 🤷🏻♀️Posted by Argus
How does one get bored!? I mean really.... there's sooo much to do in life!
listclick to expand
How to people reach adulthood and still feel bored?