This is for people who seem to not get it !!!
I'm a march 5th Pisces too Jack.
Leave Your Feedback
We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.
Related Messages
Cont...
Its not because you aren??t the love of his life ??? don??t get him wrong. It??s just
that now he??s had time to think (sic) about it, he??s finally realized current
relationship problems could be due to the fact that you??re a black, radical
feminist-communist, whose favorite pastime is absailing, and he??s a white,
moderate chauvinist-fascist, whose terrified of scaling great heights.
The Sagittarius bastard??s blind refusal to contemplate foresight before
hindsight could be excused (because by now you have realized what you aren??t
missing) if at the same time he didn??t have the temerity to tell you that was
all your fault, and that you tricked him into it.
You didn??t tell him you were black. And why shouldn??t he the extremely rare and
valuable lithograph of Joseph Stalin above your mantelpiece was a portrait of
your Dad? And how was he to know you were a die hard feminist? You cooked dinner
for him once, didn??t you? Okay, yes, he did have to pick your underarm hair out
of the pasta, but so?
Frankly, it just serves as a good excuse for him to be as unfaithful as he
likes, without all the boring guilt that goes along with it.
To say Sagittarius has a deep-rooted fear of monogamy is to say Salman Rushdie
is slightly perturbed about dying. Indeed, advertising wankers have long been
able to retire on the government they received for the rash of safe sex
campaigns created especially for Sagittarius bastards?? girlfriends. (The
original slogan ???void Sagittarius like the plague, otherwise you will end up
catching it?? was ditched during research, when the male Scorpio component
complained about out and out favoritism.)
Sagittarius doesn??t own a stereo, not because he can??t afford one (which he
can??t) but because the word hi-fidelity sends him into a cold sweat, as opposed
to the hot one he got, due to the last bought of hepatitis.
Truth be said though, the Sagittarius bastard??s honesty is something to behold.
If he??s screwed around, he??ll tell you. In excruciating detail. When you gently
hint that you don??t care to know who put his hand where, he??ll put his great big
foot in his great big mouth, and tell you that, well, actually, come to think of
it, it wasn??t actually a hand, it was ??_ (at this stage you are fully within your
rights to put your hand, which is clenched, into his mouth, which is open, and
fill it with lose teeth.)
Its not because you aren??t the love of his life ??? don??t get him wrong. It??s just
that now he??s had time to think (sic) about it, he??s finally realized current
relationship problems could be due to the fact that you??re a black, radical
feminist-communist, whose favorite pastime is absailing, and he??s a white,
moderate chauvinist-fascist, whose terrified of scaling great heights.
The Sagittarius bastard??s blind refusal to contemplate foresight before
hindsight could be excused (because by now you have realized what you aren??t
missing) if at the same time he didn??t have the temerity to tell you that was
all your fault, and that you tricked him into it.
You didn??t tell him you were black. And why shouldn??t he the extremely rare and
valuable lithograph of Joseph Stalin above your mantelpiece was a portrait of
your Dad? And how was he to know you were a die hard feminist? You cooked dinner
for him once, didn??t you? Okay, yes, he did have to pick your underarm hair out
of the pasta, but so?
Frankly, it just serves as a good excuse for him to be as unfaithful as he
likes, without all the boring guilt that goes along with it.
To say Sagittarius has a deep-rooted fear of monogamy is to say Salman Rushdie
is slightly perturbed about dying. Indeed, advertising wankers have long been
able to retire on the government they received for the rash of safe sex
campaigns created especially for Sagittarius bastards?? girlfriends. (The
original slogan ???void Sagittarius like the plague, otherwise you will end up
catching it?? was ditched during research, when the male Scorpio component
complained about out and out favoritism.)
Sagittarius doesn??t own a stereo, not because he can??t afford one (which he
can??t) but because the word hi-fidelity sends him into a cold sweat, as opposed
to the hot one he got, due to the last bought of hepatitis.
Truth be said though, the Sagittarius bastard??s honesty is something to behold.
If he??s screwed around, he??ll tell you. In excruciating detail. When you gently
hint that you don??t care to know who put his hand where, he??ll put his great big
foot in his great big mouth, and tell you that, well, actually, come to think of
it, it wasn??t actually a hand, it was ??_ (at this stage you are fully within your
rights to put your hand, which is clenched, into his mouth, which is open, and
fill it with lose teeth.)
Cont...
If and when you meet his family, you??ll notice they too are hideously
embarrassed by his tactless words and thoughtless manner. You??ll soon appreciate
why he was kicked out of home at an early age and is only ever allowed back for
major family get-togethers. Like funerals. And even then, in others?? darkest
hours, he still can??t help but dig himself into a very large hole.
Asking his sister where her husband is (he??s the one in the coffin) is a good
example of one of his more minor gaffes. In a hurried attempt to make amends,
he??ll tell her he was only joking. When she promptly bursts into tears, he??ll
try and make her feel better by saying that he didn??t think she and her now-dead
spouse were all that well suited anyway.
If the monumental blunders weren??t bad enough, there??s always the obligatory
Sagittarius bluster to make you wish the ground would open up and swallow him.
Since he doesn??t have two IQ points to rub together, Sagittarius doesn??t
actually realize he??s an intellectual dwarf. So, at the wake, this walking
claptrap will regale you and his relatives with facts about which he knows
absolutely nothing. Ancient embalming techniques, Celtic burial rites and the
psychological effects of reincarnation upon loopy Hollywood actresses, you name
it, Sagittarius will be able to prattle on without a pause.
Take him to task about his source and he??ll say he read it in a book. Since you
know he doesn??t read anything he hasn??t written himself and you just know he
can??t write because you do his remedial English assignments for him, you??ll feel
compelled to point out to him that Playboy doesn??t count. Any rare pearls of
wisdom from his lips are usually poached from someone who??s more intellectually
gifted. Like you, for example.
If and when you meet his family, you??ll notice they too are hideously
embarrassed by his tactless words and thoughtless manner. You??ll soon appreciate
why he was kicked out of home at an early age and is only ever allowed back for
major family get-togethers. Like funerals. And even then, in others?? darkest
hours, he still can??t help but dig himself into a very large hole.
Asking his sister where her husband is (he??s the one in the coffin) is a good
example of one of his more minor gaffes. In a hurried attempt to make amends,
he??ll tell her he was only joking. When she promptly bursts into tears, he??ll
try and make her feel better by saying that he didn??t think she and her now-dead
spouse were all that well suited anyway.
If the monumental blunders weren??t bad enough, there??s always the obligatory
Sagittarius bluster to make you wish the ground would open up and swallow him.
Since he doesn??t have two IQ points to rub together, Sagittarius doesn??t
actually realize he??s an intellectual dwarf. So, at the wake, this walking
claptrap will regale you and his relatives with facts about which he knows
absolutely nothing. Ancient embalming techniques, Celtic burial rites and the
psychological effects of reincarnation upon loopy Hollywood actresses, you name
it, Sagittarius will be able to prattle on without a pause.
Take him to task about his source and he??ll say he read it in a book. Since you
know he doesn??t read anything he hasn??t written himself and you just know he
can??t write because you do his remedial English assignments for him, you??ll feel
compelled to point out to him that Playboy doesn??t count. Any rare pearls of
wisdom from his lips are usually poached from someone who??s more intellectually
gifted. Like you, for example.
Cont...
Which brings us to our next point. If you??re so smart, what the hell are you
doing dating him? And don??t start telling us its because he??s generous.
Yes, Sagittarius might scatter money around as profligately as his seed. But
this isn??t generosity, this is fiscal promiscuity. Once he??s spent all his
family??s money, he??ll start spending yours. When that runs out, he??ll proceed to
spend the earnings of his other girlfriends. Then the bank??s. Then the credit
union??s. And then the loan shark??s.
Again, it won??t be his fault when he??s eventually had up for bankruptcy /
embezzlement / fraud in a Supreme Court or found in some squalid bedsit sharing
pillows with a horses head. Why didn??t you tell him those things with all the
columns of numbers were load default statements? How was he to know the
anonymous letters featuring clipped-out-of-newspaper words like PAY, UP, OR, YOU
and DIE were death threats? Anyway, what are you doing still hanging around?
Didn??t he leave you? And don??t say you??re still with him because he??s a bloody
lucky bastard. He knows that. What d??you think he is? Stupid?
Which brings us to our next point. If you??re so smart, what the hell are you
doing dating him? And don??t start telling us its because he??s generous.
Yes, Sagittarius might scatter money around as profligately as his seed. But
this isn??t generosity, this is fiscal promiscuity. Once he??s spent all his
family??s money, he??ll start spending yours. When that runs out, he??ll proceed to
spend the earnings of his other girlfriends. Then the bank??s. Then the credit
union??s. And then the loan shark??s.
Again, it won??t be his fault when he??s eventually had up for bankruptcy /
embezzlement / fraud in a Supreme Court or found in some squalid bedsit sharing
pillows with a horses head. Why didn??t you tell him those things with all the
columns of numbers were load default statements? How was he to know the
anonymous letters featuring clipped-out-of-newspaper words like PAY, UP, OR, YOU
and DIE were death threats? Anyway, what are you doing still hanging around?
Didn??t he leave you? And don??t say you??re still with him because he??s a bloody
lucky bastard. He knows that. What d??you think he is? Stupid?
Cont...
HOW TO SPOT ONE
He??s usually long of limb and short of cash. The wandering eye is not an optical
dysfunction, no matter how many times he tries to convince him otherwise.
WHERE TO FIND ONE
In a flotation tank clearing his head. In a think tank feeling out his depth. At
a bank asking for credit. At a brothel making a deposit.
HOW INTRIGUE ONE
Act intelligent.
THE FIRST DATE
If he thinks he can get you into bed, expect to be lavished. Just don??t be
surprised when the debt collectors arrive at the restaurant to take away his
meal.
WHEN TO DO THE DEED
Do so at your own risk. If you start developing facial lesions and can??t shake
that particularly nasty bout of pneumonia, seek medical advice immediately.
WHEN TO POP THE QUESTION
When you decide you??d like to be a divorcee in the not-too-distant future.
IF HE DROPS YOU
Count yourself lucky but feign devastation nonetheless. And make sure he pays
you the money he owes you.
IF YOU DROP HIM
It??ll take him some time for the words to sink in. so start day one with
???you??re??; day two with ???dropped?? and on day three really put the knife in with
???thicko??.
HOW TO SPOT ONE
He??s usually long of limb and short of cash. The wandering eye is not an optical
dysfunction, no matter how many times he tries to convince him otherwise.
WHERE TO FIND ONE
In a flotation tank clearing his head. In a think tank feeling out his depth. At
a bank asking for credit. At a brothel making a deposit.
HOW INTRIGUE ONE
Act intelligent.
THE FIRST DATE
If he thinks he can get you into bed, expect to be lavished. Just don??t be
surprised when the debt collectors arrive at the restaurant to take away his
meal.
WHEN TO DO THE DEED
Do so at your own risk. If you start developing facial lesions and can??t shake
that particularly nasty bout of pneumonia, seek medical advice immediately.
WHEN TO POP THE QUESTION
When you decide you??d like to be a divorcee in the not-too-distant future.
IF HE DROPS YOU
Count yourself lucky but feign devastation nonetheless. And make sure he pays
you the money he owes you.
IF YOU DROP HIM
It??ll take him some time for the words to sink in. so start day one with
???you??re??; day two with ???dropped?? and on day three really put the knife in with
???thicko??.
Cracks me up every time! 
< width="560" height="315" ="http:
< width="560" height="315" ="http:
CAPRICORN BASTARD
Finally, a man who takes relationships seriously. Blessed with the sensitivity
of a security analyst, the humor of an IBM clone and the heart of a merchant
banker, a Capricorn takes everything seriously.
His intentions towards you are entirely honorable. He is hard working and
ambitious. He wants to get married and raise a family. He has no problem with
the concept and implementation of commitment. He??ll even be faithful to you ???
although this can??t be guaranteed, as he is a man!
And upon getting to know him better you??ll find he also possesses all the charm
and conversation of a cash register. (Well, you can??t expect him to have all
those virtues and a personality.) But before you jump up and down in orgasmic
delight at the thought of spending time with him, there is a catch. There??s
something he has to do prior to whisking you off into the sunset to issue joint
financial statements together. He has to check your credit rating. And no, he??s
not joking. He never jokes about money. Or anything else, come to think of it.
If you happened to be born with silver cutlery anywhere near your mouth and you
have a large inheritance threatening to fall into your lap, you??re laughing (and
he may even smile) all the way to the bank and the joint savings account.
However, don??t assume he??s only interested in you for your inheritance. Such an
assumption would be a gross misjudgment of character. The truth is, if you??d won
the money in a lottery or made it yourself through hard work or shrewd
investments, he??d still be interested in you.
It would be unfair to say that money is the only thing that matters to
Capricorn. He is mostly human and understands your money alone will not ensure
his happiness. That??s why your social status is just as important to him. He??ll
not only be interested in you for what you have, but for who you are, who your
parents are, what they have and who they know. (And you thought men were only
interested in one thing.) Anyway, he??s not searching for the love of his life.
He first found that as a small child, beneath the cushions of his parents??
couch. And he will always be true to it. Besides marriage isn??t about love. It??s
about making money.
Finally, a man who takes relationships seriously. Blessed with the sensitivity
of a security analyst, the humor of an IBM clone and the heart of a merchant
banker, a Capricorn takes everything seriously.
His intentions towards you are entirely honorable. He is hard working and
ambitious. He wants to get married and raise a family. He has no problem with
the concept and implementation of commitment. He??ll even be faithful to you ???
although this can??t be guaranteed, as he is a man!
And upon getting to know him better you??ll find he also possesses all the charm
and conversation of a cash register. (Well, you can??t expect him to have all
those virtues and a personality.) But before you jump up and down in orgasmic
delight at the thought of spending time with him, there is a catch. There??s
something he has to do prior to whisking you off into the sunset to issue joint
financial statements together. He has to check your credit rating. And no, he??s
not joking. He never jokes about money. Or anything else, come to think of it.
If you happened to be born with silver cutlery anywhere near your mouth and you
have a large inheritance threatening to fall into your lap, you??re laughing (and
he may even smile) all the way to the bank and the joint savings account.
However, don??t assume he??s only interested in you for your inheritance. Such an
assumption would be a gross misjudgment of character. The truth is, if you??d won
the money in a lottery or made it yourself through hard work or shrewd
investments, he??d still be interested in you.
It would be unfair to say that money is the only thing that matters to
Capricorn. He is mostly human and understands your money alone will not ensure
his happiness. That??s why your social status is just as important to him. He??ll
not only be interested in you for what you have, but for who you are, who your
parents are, what they have and who they know. (And you thought men were only
interested in one thing.) Anyway, he??s not searching for the love of his life.
He first found that as a small child, beneath the cushions of his parents??
couch. And he will always be true to it. Besides marriage isn??t about love. It??s
about making money.
Cont...
Capricorn is the reason finishing schools still exist. You know those
wonderfully traditional educational institutions that concern themselves with
taking affluent, intelligent young women and making them completely useless for
anything other than marriage. As well as offering the only recognized diploma
course in Understanding Cutlery 101, these outrageously expensive and usually
Swiss schools take all the hard work out of finding a partner for Capricorn.
The cost involved ensures only the very wealthy and socially well-placed can
afford to send their daughters there. This eliminates all unsuitable candidates.
Then the suitable are vigorously trained to eliminate any beliefs they may have
in gender equality or themselves.
First you learn to cook the kind of meals that take days or sometimes weeks of
preparation ??? the results of which can be ruined in a few seconds by an
aeroplane passing overhead. This is to keep you occupied after you are married
and is also impressive when you have to throw dinner parties for your
Capricorn-bastard-husband??s business contacts.
Then you??ll learn to cultivate / fake an appreciation of the arts and an
understanding of politics and world affairs so you can make seemingly
intelligent conversation whilst you are cooking for and serving guests. At these
dinner parties you could translate a business deal for your husband with one of
the five major European languages you picked up between classes at finishing
school. And as for the etiquette required to know exactly where at the table to
seat an earl or a prime minister if a member of the royal family is also coming
??? well, that was covered in your first year when you studied Introduction to
Seating Royalty, Nobility and Important Public Officials.
Capricorn is the reason finishing schools still exist. You know those
wonderfully traditional educational institutions that concern themselves with
taking affluent, intelligent young women and making them completely useless for
anything other than marriage. As well as offering the only recognized diploma
course in Understanding Cutlery 101, these outrageously expensive and usually
Swiss schools take all the hard work out of finding a partner for Capricorn.
The cost involved ensures only the very wealthy and socially well-placed can
afford to send their daughters there. This eliminates all unsuitable candidates.
Then the suitable are vigorously trained to eliminate any beliefs they may have
in gender equality or themselves.
First you learn to cook the kind of meals that take days or sometimes weeks of
preparation ??? the results of which can be ruined in a few seconds by an
aeroplane passing overhead. This is to keep you occupied after you are married
and is also impressive when you have to throw dinner parties for your
Capricorn-bastard-husband??s business contacts.
Then you??ll learn to cultivate / fake an appreciation of the arts and an
understanding of politics and world affairs so you can make seemingly
intelligent conversation whilst you are cooking for and serving guests. At these
dinner parties you could translate a business deal for your husband with one of
the five major European languages you picked up between classes at finishing
school. And as for the etiquette required to know exactly where at the table to
seat an earl or a prime minister if a member of the royal family is also coming
??? well, that was covered in your first year when you studied Introduction to
Seating Royalty, Nobility and Important Public Officials.
Happy VB Day!
The user who posted this message has hidden it.
Cont...
Along with How to Lose a Tennis Match to a Man Without Him Suspecting You are
Throwing the Game to Save His Ego, The Art of Table Seating II (Advanced
Course), How to Be Patronized Gracefully and countless other vital courses, you
will be taught to walk, to speak and to dress yourself properly. Sure, you may
have learnt to do these things when you were 18 months old but these schools
don??t take any chances. You will also be taught needlework ??? majoring in
embroidery. We have no idea why.
But the most important thing you can do at these schools is to mix and become
lifelong friends with all those other obscenely rich, pedigreed girls. You don??t
actually have to like them; you just have to kiss the air around their cheeks
for the rest of your life. They, like you, will go on to marry Capricorn
bastards to whom you can introduce your Capricorn bastard. These bastards will
then form a boys?? club where they can compare penis sizes (though they will call
it networking) to their hearts?? content. Naturally, you won??t be allowed to join
as you don??t have a penis and, as your married to a Capricorn bastard, you??ll
only ever get one at the end of each financial year ??? if it was a successful
one.
You are now a graduate of the
you-can-never-be-too-thin-too-rich-too-blonde-or-too-tanned school of thought
and you are accomplished enough to take up that all-important posit6ion of
catering to Capricorn??s whims. You??re the perfect wife: you have absolutely no
marketable skills so you??ll have nothing better to do than to further your
husband??s career. In other words, you will be bored. In your perfect house with
your perfect husband and your perfect children. Bored with your
air-and-arse-kissing friends who are all as boring as you. Bored with all the
affaires you??ve had with the hired help because your husband only has sex if the
Windsor-Kennedy-Smythe-Joneses are doing it too (and they never get around to it
either). Bored, blonde, rich and eminently socially acceptable. May we suggest
slipping into a coma to get through it all. No one will ever notice the
difference.
Along with How to Lose a Tennis Match to a Man Without Him Suspecting You are
Throwing the Game to Save His Ego, The Art of Table Seating II (Advanced
Course), How to Be Patronized Gracefully and countless other vital courses, you
will be taught to walk, to speak and to dress yourself properly. Sure, you may
have learnt to do these things when you were 18 months old but these schools
don??t take any chances. You will also be taught needlework ??? majoring in
embroidery. We have no idea why.
But the most important thing you can do at these schools is to mix and become
lifelong friends with all those other obscenely rich, pedigreed girls. You don??t
actually have to like them; you just have to kiss the air around their cheeks
for the rest of your life. They, like you, will go on to marry Capricorn
bastards to whom you can introduce your Capricorn bastard. These bastards will
then form a boys?? club where they can compare penis sizes (though they will call
it networking) to their hearts?? content. Naturally, you won??t be allowed to join
as you don??t have a penis and, as your married to a Capricorn bastard, you??ll
only ever get one at the end of each financial year ??? if it was a successful
one.
You are now a graduate of the
you-can-never-be-too-thin-too-rich-too-blonde-or-too-tanned school of thought
and you are accomplished enough to take up that all-important posit6ion of
catering to Capricorn??s whims. You??re the perfect wife: you have absolutely no
marketable skills so you??ll have nothing better to do than to further your
husband??s career. In other words, you will be bored. In your perfect house with
your perfect husband and your perfect children. Bored with your
air-and-arse-kissing friends who are all as boring as you. Bored with all the
affaires you??ve had with the hired help because your husband only has sex if the
Windsor-Kennedy-Smythe-Joneses are doing it too (and they never get around to it
either). Bored, blonde, rich and eminently socially acceptable. May we suggest
slipping into a coma to get through it all. No one will ever notice the
difference.