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Who is willing to listen what i have to say. Anyone without judgment who understands and accepts me for who i am.i am different.i do not fit in.i cannot live like most people do. I do not wish to smile all the time or talk.i like being silent. I need silence to balance my loud mind. Thoughts screaming and running in every direction.i try to find focus but i'm scattered,unsure.i am capable i know but unaware of what it is.what is my aim,my purpose. I feel completely lost in the middle of neverland where i scream n scream hoping someone will find me and take me out. No one hears. I struggle to find a way, the right path..i choose to take a road only to find myself deeper into the lost land. Tears run down my cheeks as i write this in the middle of night when the world is asleep. Night is my friend. It allows me to cry. Express my pain, the mental agony i go through everyday. Who knows about it? No one. No one could ever love me with all this chaos, the mental trauma that makes me a beautiful zombie. A dead person underneath the skin of a young woman. I'm afraid someone will see me, i fear being exposed of how sad, lonely, miserable i am. They come closer,i push them away.i don't want their pity,their attempts to make me feel less than how i want to feel about myself makes me cringe. A person with a terminal illness knows what is happening to them as they slowly fade away. My illness seems worse..i do not know what is happening..yet it feels like i'm dying bits by bits everyday. I'm afraid of losing all desires, whatever few remain. Already lost any desire to work, to serve any fucking corrupt human who gets off on the idea of being the self sufficient one, who sees others as his slaves and himself being entitled to be where he is. I cringe at powerful people, ones who have only had vanilla lives. And what is it that you need to have such a life. Sell yourself. Sell your soul. Sell your moral. Sell your body. This is the truth of this world. It buys your dignity, your individuality, your values, your principals, the ethics by which you live your life and in turn it gives you an easy road., a smooth living, a vanilla life. This is what is the ultimate meaning of life isn't it. No. I choose death. I'd rather live meaninglessly than have someone as low of a mortal as another sold out human define life to me. Thank you very much but i'm good, sir.
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Posted by TaureyePosted by RumiLPosted by TaureyePosted by RumiL
@taureye -- wow .. I love Taurus mercuryyyyyyy!
Pisces mars...it's a strange placement lol.
I have no air in my chart! ZERO. I'm underwater ramette. you are very much a terrestrial bull...thoda sa paani, thoda si aag, thoda si hawa....... xD
sara kuch mil milakay lol i love my balance but yaar i sometimes get sidetracked so easily. Paani means you internalize a lot right?
Gem mars..scattered energy
Internalize zaroor hota hai but... I can always channel it too. But yeah.. Some days I just feel low although I am carrying on, doing this, that.. Part of life...chalta hai.. :p ..but as I'm growing up I'm dealing better with emotions.. Like how you said.. I always step back and think "kya milega..by getting so worked up" .. If nothing can be done about an issue..just leave it..
Seems you have it well under control and i bet when you channel it, it's late focus. My energy is so scattered LOL i'm like that dog from up! Squirrel!!!click to expand
Lol.. Are you hyperactive like gem mars is said to be?
Posted by PhoenixRising
Well there you go. I also have a Venus in Sag and for all my water, it still shines through quite strong. This placement needs some degree of space and time.
Hey PhoenixRising, I'm interested in the Venus in Sag side of her and your experiences of it. One thing I know she has a strong view on is this almost Disney like idea of what a relationship should be like. I think she knows it may be lofty, but it's her ideals. This is where the whole "spark" thing comes from. She's said she likes me and has feelings for me. She's again said how much of a great fit we are, how beautiful our connection is and that we're so well entwined. She said it would be perfect is she felt more. I'm wondering how much this focus on the ideal fairytale counteracts the need to give things time. We know we have a spark, but maybe it's not as ardent as her ideal requires yet. That may take time, it may be there next time we meet. But I almost wonder if she's over thinking it as well. She's said a few times that next time we meet will decide things and we'll know if it's there or not. Not quit the "giving things space and time" I'd have expected. What do you make of that? I don't think we need to put that kind of pressure on ourselves and should let things happen naturally. But, how to handle that Venus in Sag dream!?
Posted by SensitiveBluesPosted by AriesIntrovert16
Also, I'm interested in seeing the synastry between you and your ex. Is he your only ex, or the most recent one? Post the synastry, pleaseeee.
It's the Leo/Scorpio
Hard squares on everythingclick to expand
He has a lot of Scorpio in his chart?
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Posted by asc_scorp1991Posted by RumiLPosted by TaureyePosted by RumiL
@taureye -- wow .. I love Taurus mercuryyyyyyy!
Pisces mars...it's a strange placement lol.
I have no air in my chart! ZERO. I'm underwater ramette. you are very much a terrestrial bull...thoda sa paani, thoda si aag, thoda si hawa....... xD
sara kuch mil milakay lol i love my balance but yaar i sometimes get sidetracked so easily. Paani means you internalize a lot right?
Gem mars..scattered energy
Internalize zaroor hota hai but... I can always channel it too. But yeah.. Some days I just feel low although I am carrying on, doing this, that.. Part of life...chalta hai.. :p ..but as I'm growing up I'm dealing better with emotions.. Like how you said.. I always step back and think "kya milega..by getting so worked up" .. If nothing can be done about an issue..just leave it..
Taureye knows hindi?click to expand
Yesssss. He's apna brown!
You are up...this late? What's up :p
I'm off to sleep...goodnight both you..shabba khair.
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Posted by HappyCapperPosted by LibraLovesHim
Cusp of Beauty with extreme potty mouth! Is it over reacting to walk away from a relationship with this issue?
Have you talked to him about it? Is he even aware?click to expand
Yes he's very aware! I do tell him its unacceptable and the relationship is basically broken down to nothing because its showing to me an extreme lack of respect! I now genuinely think it may be his culture and/or his upbringing as the youngest boy. He constantly gloats about how his sisters "are scared of him" and they question nothing when it comes to him. He would quite literally get away with murder.
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