Bad temper

I don't mean for this to sound harsh, though, I realize it will probably come out that way . . sounds to me like you are full of excuses because you love him.
Love is beautiful, no doubt . . that is . . when it's shared. If it's NOT shared, then the person doing the loving is full of excuses as to why they stay.
My first husband thought I was a complete bitch, my second husband thinks I'm sweet and kind . . I'm the same person, lol
What is it you want? An answer telling you what you need to do to make this work?
That would envolve changing him to fit into your desires and standards of relating.
Again, not meaning to sound harsh . . just telling you the truth. It's been 4 years. What are you waiting for?
Him to change?
lol