Pisces update#3: We went on a trip together... now how do I prepare for telling her Im in love?...
My love for her is so strong it makes me think of death... How Ironic we went to go see Edgar Allen Poe together.....
We drove for a day Trip yesterday to Baltimore. Just me and her. Were together from 3:30pm until about 3:30am by the time we got back. It was the easiest drive up ever. The entire ride we talked and laughed. It was nothing less than exciting. I planned the day out for us since she'd never been to baltimore. And we covered a lot of ground together and were able to just enjoy each other's company. She really loved my plan.
We went down as "friends". Split the tolls. and she purchased my dinner. Just throwing some legistics out there.
we visited Edgar Allen Poe's grave while there... I noticed hickeys on her back and just pointed them out like "oo la la chicka". She lifted her dress to expose to me the rest up and down her back. Than I took a picture of her in the grave yard with her dress almost off... than we smoked some weed. And laid in the grass together in the graveyard of westminster hall cemetery.
We went to all these awesome places. But I wont go in to detail on that but to say that I made her laugh. A lot. She was having a lot of fun
I felt very dominant around her. I was leading her. It felt right. We just worked so well together.
We went out to dinner...
HERE IS WHERE IT GOT ROUGH FOR ME....
Those eyes... we made eye contact a few times but I tried to avoid it at all costs. Because it is always so intense. Before dinner we were at a book store/coffee shop. and sat down to read some zenes we just got. She tried some of my aloe water. She had never tried it before.. and I explained how good it was for your skin. She than touched my face with her one hand as she looked in my eyes and said "so I can drink it and my face will be soft and glowing like yours?"
I cracked a joke of course.. something along the lines of "glowing from a lot of fucking whisky and little sleep you mean?" She laughed... the genuine laugh.. not the pisces fake laugh. I know the difference.
..At dinner we sat next to each other... my arms around her to keep her warm in the cold restaraunt... And a few looks back from her. I couldn't look her in the eye for too long. But when I spoke to her.. told her stories.. and made eye contact. She almost looked as if in awe of me....
Than we ended our night at the harbor... we sat down somewhere alone.. secluded.
She started talking about love....
She told me about how she was in love with two people in her life. one being the girl she met when she met me...And how short lived it was but it was love nonetheless... I could feel my self start to shut down (classic cancer coping method)...
I asked her how she knew she was in love with her ex...And she expressed to me that she felt the words her ex spoke in her body. That when her ex would tell her how she felt it resonated with my pisces... it made me think.. "was I not vulnerable enough? Is that my issue?" It made me question a lot about what would happen...
What would happen If I look'd her in the eye and simply say...
"When I look at you.. I get that same feeling you described when you say you were in love. Like I can feel you in my chest. When we are together. Its like our energies are one. And I feel like our souls belong. When I make eye contact with you. Its ALWAYS intense. Thats why I have been trying to avoid it... because that is when I feel most in love...I try to be friends... and it feels successful.. until days like this. where every moment with you I just get lost. In the very best way. Everytime we hold gaze... its like a gravitational pull wants us to come together...so I could kiss your magnificent lips. touch your soft skin..kiss your neck..pull you close to me. I FUCKING LOVE YOU and even on my worst days hearing from you makes it all that makes me smile.
And what makes me smile the most is when I make YOU smile. And laugh"...
BUT I did open up to her as well... just not about my feelings toward her...But toward falling in love in general. And what a difficult time Im having with emotional vulnerability. ect. We were both extremely exhausted at this point. So the conversation just kinda died down on the walk back to the car before our drive home... She slept a lot of the way which I was fine with because I was in my feels.
I didnt eat much so I got a little sick by the time we got to her place. I came in for 15 minutes just to get my shit together and left.
She lifted up her dog that I adore. And gave me a hug with him. She said "give him a kiss"As I was saying goodbye to them both.
And I kissed him. Than gave her a kiss on the cheek.... and walked out.
I was kind of glad she just thought I was sick when leaving... because in reality there were 2 reasons my face looked like I wanted to vomit. And at the moment I didn't want her to know it was because I was in love..I just wanted her to remember our great day together... I didn't want to complicate..
I had SO MANY opportunities to kiss her... and I think she wanted to kiss me a few times... but I had already set a boundary. I couldn't kiss her.. not after telling her if we were friends she couldn't kiss me. But we had a few moments...eye contact... a few times walking around with her arms around my waist....
It was just such a perfect day... Im just having such a hard time being sure about telling her how I feel...
I have this idea brewing in my head. About the next time I see her... just showing her "OUR SAGA" here on dxp. I get tongue tied a lot. but only when it comes to this level of vulnerability.Im so used to writing it on paper and in my music instead. I actually told her this last night. And what I wrote here to you guys is most genuine explanation as to how I feel. I just think it would give some clarity... Is this a bad idea?..
Should I show her all my cards? And show her DXP?.. everything Iv written about her..
Next time should I just grab her and kiss her instead?
We have so many moments.
And Piss poor preparation equals piss poor performance...
how should I prepare to tell her im in love?
I want to tell her in person....
I don't want to lose her forever... But I need to tell her how I feel..
We drove for a day Trip yesterday to Baltimore. Just me and her. Were together from 3:30pm until about 3:30am by the time we got back. It was the easiest drive up ever. The entire ride we talked and laughed. It was nothing less than exciting. I planned the day out for us since she'd never been to baltimore. And we covered a lot of ground together and were able to just enjoy each other's company. She really loved my plan.
We went down as "friends". Split the tolls. and she purchased my dinner. Just throwing some legistics out there.
we visited Edgar Allen Poe's grave while there... I noticed hickeys on her back and just pointed them out like "oo la la chicka". She lifted her dress to expose to me the rest up and down her back. Than I took a picture of her in the grave yard with her dress almost off... than we smoked some weed. And laid in the grass together in the graveyard of westminster hall cemetery.
We went to all these awesome places. But I wont go in to detail on that but to say that I made her laugh. A lot. She was having a lot of fun
I felt very dominant around her. I was leading her. It felt right. We just worked so well together.
We went out to dinner...
HERE IS WHERE IT GOT ROUGH FOR ME....
Those eyes... we made eye contact a few times but I tried to avoid it at all costs. Because it is always so intense. Before dinner we were at a book store/coffee shop. and sat down to read some zenes we just got. She tried some of my aloe water. She had never tried it before.. and I explained how good it was for your skin. She than touched my face with her one hand as she looked in my eyes and said "so I can drink it and my face will be soft and glowing like yours?"
I cracked a joke of course.. something along the lines of "glowing from a lot of fucking whisky and little sleep you mean?" She laughed... the genuine laugh.. not the pisces fake laugh. I know the difference.
..At dinner we sat next to each other... my arms around her to keep her warm in the cold restaraunt... And a few looks back from her. I couldn't look her in the eye for too long. But when I spoke to her.. told her stories.. and made eye contact. She almost looked as if in awe of me....
Than we ended our night at the harbor... we sat down somewhere alone.. secluded.
She started talking about love....
She told me about how she was in love with two people in her life. one being the girl she met when she met me...And how short lived it was but it was love nonetheless... I could feel my self start to shut down (classic cancer coping method)...
I asked her how she knew she was in love with her ex...And she expressed to me that she felt the words her ex spoke in her body. That when her ex would tell her how she felt it resonated with my pisces... it made me think.. "was I not vulnerable enough? Is that my issue?" It made me question a lot about what would happen...
What would happen If I look'd her in the eye and simply say...
"When I look at you.. I get that same feeling you described when you say you were in love. Like I can feel you in my chest. When we are together. Its like our energies are one. And I feel like our souls belong. When I make eye contact with you. Its ALWAYS intense. Thats why I have been trying to avoid it... because that is when I feel most in love...I try to be friends... and it feels successful.. until days like this. where every moment with you I just get lost. In the very best way. Everytime we hold gaze... its like a gravitational pull wants us to come together...so I could kiss your magnificent lips. touch your soft skin..kiss your neck..pull you close to me. I FUCKING LOVE YOU and even on my worst days hearing from you makes it all that makes me smile.
And what makes me smile the most is when I make YOU smile. And laugh"...
BUT I did open up to her as well... just not about my feelings toward her...But toward falling in love in general. And what a difficult time Im having with emotional vulnerability. ect. We were both extremely exhausted at this point. So the conversation just kinda died down on the walk back to the car before our drive home... She slept a lot of the way which I was fine with because I was in my feels.
I didnt eat much so I got a little sick by the time we got to her place. I came in for 15 minutes just to get my shit together and left.
She lifted up her dog that I adore. And gave me a hug with him. She said "give him a kiss"As I was saying goodbye to them both.
And I kissed him. Than gave her a kiss on the cheek.... and walked out.
I was kind of glad she just thought I was sick when leaving... because in reality there were 2 reasons my face looked like I wanted to vomit. And at the moment I didn't want her to know it was because I was in love..I just wanted her to remember our great day together... I didn't want to complicate..
I had SO MANY opportunities to kiss her... and I think she wanted to kiss me a few times... but I had already set a boundary. I couldn't kiss her.. not after telling her if we were friends she couldn't kiss me. But we had a few moments...eye contact... a few times walking around with her arms around my waist....
It was just such a perfect day... Im just having such a hard time being sure about telling her how I feel...
I have this idea brewing in my head. About the next time I see her... just showing her "OUR SAGA" here on dxp. I get tongue tied a lot. but only when it comes to this level of vulnerability.Im so used to writing it on paper and in my music instead. I actually told her this last night. And what I wrote here to you guys is most genuine explanation as to how I feel. I just think it would give some clarity... Is this a bad idea?..
Should I show her all my cards? And show her DXP?.. everything Iv written about her..
Next time should I just grab her and kiss her instead?
We have so many moments.
And Piss poor preparation equals piss poor performance...
how should I prepare to tell her im in love?
I want to tell her in person....
I don't want to lose her forever... But I need to tell her how I feel..