Best friends (Page 2)

Posted by CreepyPants

Posted by TigerCap

I would have to agree with the other posters here. Being afraid something will happen tells you more about yourself than about your significant other. Or as the Dutch saying goes: "Ill doers are ill dreaders"

Also agree. If you don't think it's possible, then you're probably in denial about something.

Though it's interesting that both sides of the discussion accuse the other of denial. One side is more case by case while the other makes a very broad generalization.

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Both sides focus on the part that they deem important. So the group that claims IT IS possible highlights the part that says it can happen if the intentions are pure. While they certainly do realize it often doesn't work. But in those cases the intentions weren't pure so they are still right. 😛

The group however that emphasizes the IT IS NOT possible feel (to me) like they are moralizing and telling people that 'because something can go wrong, it is best not to undertake the journey' all the while viewing the successful inter-gender friendships as exceptions to the rule.

Basically we have a Pessimist/Realist discussion here:
"You are a fool if you think this risk does not apply to you."

Vs.

"You are a fool for not believing it is possible."

Posted by TigerCap

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by CreepyPants

Posted by TigerCap

I would have to agree with the other posters here. Being afraid something will happen tells you more about yourself than about your significant other. Or as the Dutch saying goes: "Ill doers are ill dreaders"

also agree. if you don't think it's possible, then you're probably in denial about something.

though it's interesting that both sides of the discussion accuse the other of denial. one side is more case by case while the other makes a very broad generalization.

that's actually latin:
http://www.inspirationalstories.com/proverbs/latin-ill-doers-ill-deemers/

Well, the literal translation "The innkeeper trusts his guests like he trusts himself" or the alternative "It takes one to know one" simply didn't roll of the tongue all that well 😛

There is a surprising number of sayings that use the exact same 'story' between German, Dutch, English and undoubtedly Latin. 🙂

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that's why you Judge character. But the innkeeper one sucks, because in all honesty innkeeprs also get crappy customers who run out and don't pay their nightly fees and destroy the place.

but whatever works for you all.

you can't change people's mind/ people's lifestyle, if they dont like that shit. that's why.... different strokes.

I think it's possible, if both parties have good intentions and respect within a friendship.

From an astrological viewpoint, I think it makes a difference if these friendships are masculine or feminine signs.

I think Air & Fire are pretty clear cut, either they are attracted to you or they're not. Even if you are just friends, if you're attractive I don't think they'd mind sexing and would take advantage if the opportunity presented itself. I've had Leo and Sag guy friends make it clear if I was open to it, they where available.

I think Earth & Water have more opposite sex friends in general, especially the men. However, if they're not attracted to you in "that way", it's probably never going to happen. I've had great plutonic friendships with Caps and Pisces, zero physical attraction from either side.

Feminine sign men have more female friends that eventually catch feelings.

Seems like these friendships involve

one party who feels entirely platonic,

while the other harbours a (secret) crush.


And there is a difference between

having an opposite sex friend and

an opposite sex BFF (which OP stated

was the issue).

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by lnana04
Im in the same predicament in a way. Ive also been best friends with a guy for 15yrs. Thing is, he's married.

The other day he started complaining about things in his marriage saying he might be over it, then he brought up how weird it was that if i married i would want to live next to my husband in a duplex instead of with my husband. Then he threw in there i should marry him, but started saying how the duplex thing probably wouldnt work, and we'd have to figure something out.

He use to do that "we should get married" stuff long before he married. I could never know for sure if he was joking or not.

I really should cut him off, but its hard after so long and I honestly believe he only think he wants me. I cant satisfy him...nobody can, there will always be an issue but i think in his mind he's sold on the idea that he has these issues because he's in love with his best friend. I personally think its deeper than that, much deeper, so...

Anyway, i guess i don't believe in the best friend of opposite sex thing.

see what i mean—


what if you were married and your husband had a friend girl he said those things to—?

you would feel doubt that he had DEEP feelings for this girl, very very deepppppp down. Secretly wanting her. SECRETLY (big S for secret) and then you'll wonder and ache, wonder and wonder if he dreams of her, fantasizes of her, naked and stuff. See—? how awful that is??

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Yeah, it is awful. I just never thought to cut him off just because he's married now. If I married and my husband had a best friend, I don't think I would ask him to cut off the friendship, BUT if I did wonder, how my friends wife probably occasionally does, then that would definitely be an issue. I see it.

*sigh* I just think it's crazy to marry someone if you have feelings for someone else, and like I said before, I don't even think his feelings are that deep for me, he just doesn't want to face what I believe he really wants, imho.

Posted by lnana04

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by lnana04
Im in the same predicament in a way. Ive also been best friends with a guy for 15yrs. Thing is, he's married.

The other day he started complaining about things in his marriage saying he might be over it, then he brought up how weird it was that if i married i would want to live next to my husband in a duplex instead of with my husband. Then he threw in there i should marry him, but started saying how the duplex thing probably wouldnt work, and we'd have to figure something out.

He use to do that "we should get married" stuff long before he married. I could never know for sure if he was joking or not.

I really should cut him off, but its hard after so long and I honestly believe he only think he wants me. I cant satisfy him...nobody can, there will always be an issue but i think in his mind he's sold on the idea that he has these issues because he's in love with his best friend. I personally think its deeper than that, much deeper, so...
Anyway, i guess i don't believe in the best friend of opposite sex thing.

see what i mean—
what if you were married and your husband had a friend girl he said those things to—?
you would feel doubt that he had DEEP feelings for this girl, very very deepppppp down. Secretly wanting her. SECRETLY (big S for secret) and then you'll wonder and ache, wonder and wonder if he dreams of her, fantasizes of her, naked and stuff. See—? how awful that is??

Yeah, it is awful. I just never thought to cut him off just because he's married now. If I married and my husband had a best friend, I don't think I would ask him to cut off the friendship, BUT if I did wonder, how my friends wife probably occasionally does, then that would definitely be an issue. I see it.
*sigh* I just think it's crazy to marry someone if you have feelings for someone else, and like I said before, I don't even think his feelings are that deep for me, he just doesn't want to face what I believe he really wants, imho.

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plus, you don't have to say anything, it is UNSAID, that you cut all ties with ex's, or anyone of that nature.

well if you feel doubts and that nagging feeling and you know it's

Posted by lisabethur8
plus, you don't have to say anything,
it is UNSAID, that you cut all ties with ex's, or anyone of that nature.

Exactly.


+1