Met up with an old college professor off campus. He was a bit touchy feely weird.Should I worry?

This topic was created in the Miscellaneous forum by Adreamuponwaking on Sunday, July 23, 2017 and has 25 replies.
So one of my favorite college professors and I met up this past Friday.

We had an early dinner, he gave me some books and we talked for a couple of hours.

He always sings my praises and compliments me on how smart I am and how he thinks I am a wonderful person.

What bothered me was that he got a little touchy feely ( nothing sexual...just a lot of back rubs and back pats) and he was sitting pretty close to me when we talking after dinner.

He emphasized how touchy he is with all of the friends and how careful he has to be even when he is on campus as he naturally is like this with colleagues etc.

We talked about his ex wife and his love life.

we also talked about mine...he knows i'm gay...

he wants to meet up again before I move away for school.

should I be worried?
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Some people are touchy. But involuntarily or not consciously so. I wouldn't have worried in general. But he emphasizing n actually explaining that would definitely make me think ??
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Posted by Effervescent
Maybe he's gay too?
definitely not.

two ex wives. two kids.

seems like the typical straight male...who gets easily bored...

always looking for the next conquest.
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Posted by Teena
Some people are touchy. But involuntarily or not consciously so. I wouldn't have worried in general. But he emphasizing n actually explaining that would definitely make me think ??
right?

when people feel the need to justify their actions that is when I get suspicious

also one pat on the back vs like 5 or 6.

and two random back rubs

and the close sitting / close talking...like really close?




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Weeeeeeird.
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Tell him this behavior would've been appropriate when you were still his student, but now that y'all have no connection you have no need to suck that D.
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Posted by Effervescent
Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by Effervescent
Maybe he's gay too?
definitely not.

two ex wives. two kids.

seems like the typical straight male...who gets easily bored...

always looking for the next conquest.


Wow. Then trust your instincts.
click to expand
I know I should

but I don't have a lot of friends at the moment

especially ones who I can have deep intellectually stimulating conversations with.

Angry

it's one of the reasons I've always befriended my teachers since I was young

but especially recently. I like talking to older people about life and their experiences. you can learn so much from them you know?

The irony though is I had a crush on the last three college professors with whom I'd often have non school related talks with.

But they were all women and a lot closer to my age ( late, mid and early thirties)


They were also really hot.

idk why italian language professors tend to be hot but ..it's a pattern in my life.

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What was the pretense behind the meeting? Did you two just happen to run into each other or was it planned?

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Posted by Dreamyboy
Maybe perhaps he's bicurious? How do you feel about him in a sexual manner? But then again, if he emphasized how touchy his is and always has to be careful, then maybe your just over thinking it. Did you feel any chemistry beyond a platonic student-teacher relationship? Sense anything off beat?
he's definitely straight.


just to clarify i think there is some confusion...i'm a woman.

people on here think that i am a guy but i am a gay woman.lol

he doesn't seem to want to confide in me because he feels a kindred spirit in terms of repressed sexuality.

It did feel weird a few times when we were talking....like the energy on his end wasn't platonic.

especially when he was talking about the last woman he dated who he felt no chemistry with.

there was even this gesture which could be interpreted as a slip...

he said it's not like..and he made a gesture..idk

it seemed like he was about to compare that relationship to ours.

i could just be paranoid though. i hope i am.

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Posted by Whorpio
Tell him this behavior would've been appropriate when you were still his student, but now that y'all have no connection you have no need to suck that D.
gross.

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Posted by exo
he's not your prof anymore. suck the d.
contrary to popular belief

lesbians aren't just women who haven't found the right man.
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sounds normal
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Posted by Deedee86
What was the pretense behind the meeting? Did you two just happen to run into each other or was it planned?

planned

...he initiated everything.

just like our office hour meet ups.

the other college professors i had which i actually had crushes on.....

it was the other way around.

i would randomly drop by their office .....

i din't need their help...i was always one their best students.
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Posted by juliettee
Posted by Adreamuponwaking
So one of my favorite college professors and I met up this past Friday.

We had an early dinner, he gave me some books and we talked for a couple of hours.

He always sings my praises and compliments me on how smart I am and how he thinks I am a wonderful person.

What bothered me was that he got a little touchy feely ( nothing sexual...just a lot of back rubs and back pats) and he was sitting pretty close to me when we talking after dinner.

He emphasized how touchy he is with all of the friends and how careful he has to be even when he is on campus as he naturally is like this with colleagues etc.

We talked about his ex wife and his love life.

we also talked about mine...he knows i'm gay...

he wants to meet up again before I move away for school.

should I be worried?

don't touch him.!!! he is prof. fuck him.


click to expand
go f*** your dad

or your brother or your uncle.
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Posted by startwars
sounds normal
really?

maybe I come from a family that's not very touchy feely.

The British and a lot of wasp families tend to not hug their own family members.

I'm neither of those but I get that people grow up differently in terms of personal touch and boundaries.
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Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by startwars
sounds normal
really?

maybe I come from a family that's not very touchy feely.

The British and a lot of wasp families tend to not hug their own family members.

I'm neither of those but I get that people grow up differently in terms of personal touch and boundaries.
click to expand
I don't know its just that you sound like a nice student.

Profs appreciate that

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Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by Deedee86
What was the pretense behind the meeting? Did you two just happen to run into each other or was it planned?

planned

...he initiated everything.

just like our office hour meet ups.

the other college professors i had which i actually had crushes on.....

it was the other way around.

i would randomly drop by their office .....

i din't need their help...i was always one their best students.
click to expand
He may be interested. What other reason would he have to invite a former student out?

Were you working on a project together?

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Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by Teena
Some people are touchy. But involuntarily or not consciously so. I wouldn't have worried in general. But he emphasizing n actually explaining that would definitely make me think ??
right?

when people feel the need to justify their actions that is when I get suspicious

also one pat on the back vs like 5 or 6.

and two random back rubs

and the close sitting / close talking...like really close?




click to expand


Lol! Yeah justifying would make me suspicious too. Or maybe he explained after seeing you getting uncomfortable? A very similar thing happened to me. I tried to ignore or reason his behavior in my head many times until one day he tried to tuck my hair behind my ear in a very ..umm..weird way.Also after that this professor asked me to come over to his place to take some books(which were so not needed) n added that his wife is not gonna be in town that night n also for few more days. I still wasn't sure if I was jumping into conclusions.. considering his age n all. But few more things following that confirmed that for me.

I usually don't notice things..yes being touched too.. unless it's very inappropriate to start with.Initially when my friends observed this about me they were like "Did he actually just do that to you n you're actually saying you didn't know?" I be like "What?" I really didn't know!! I either had them telling me what happened or I realize after seeing some pics "ok so this guy actually put his hand on my waist or yeah this guy was all over me"?.Me noticing itself is a huge deal n there sure must be something wrong lol.

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Posted by startwars
Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by startwars
sounds normal
really?

maybe I come from a family that's not very touchy feely.

The British and a lot of wasp families tend to not hug their own family members.

I'm neither of those but I get that people grow up differently in terms of personal touch and boundaries.
I don't know its just that you sound like a nice student.

Profs appreciate that

click to expand
yeah....the compliment wasn't abnormal

a lot of professors like me and have said similar things.

it was just the touching...that was different.

even with my female professors

only the one italian..actually from Italy did randomly ..did that once..

Italians..especially Italian women are different..they are very warm affectionate people

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Posted by Deedee86
Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by Deedee86
What was the pretense behind the meeting? Did you two just happen to run into each other or was it planned?

planned

...he initiated everything.

just like our office hour meet ups.

the other college professors i had which i actually had crushes on.....

it was the other way around.

i would randomly drop by their office .....

i din't need their help...i was always one their best students.
He may be interested. What other reason would he have to invite a former student out?

Were you working on a project together?

click to expand
he wants to be friends and said he considers me as one.

which i reciprocate.....

we are both intellectually starved and there is some truth to what they say about LA being a cultural wasteland.

it's nice to have people in your life you can talk about ideas with.

i used to have a close friend that i could talk about this type of stuff...but alas she changed and we are no longer friends


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Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by Deedee86
Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by Deedee86
What was the pretense behind the meeting? Did you two just happen to run into each other or was it planned?

planned

...he initiated everything.

just like our office hour meet ups.

the other college professors i had which i actually had crushes on.....

it was the other way around.

i would randomly drop by their office .....

i din't need their help...i was always one their best students.
He may be interested. What other reason would he have to invite a former student out?

Were you working on a project together?

he wants to be friends and said he considers me as one.

which i reciprocate.....

we are both intellectually starved and there is some truth to what they say about LA being a cultural wasteland.

it's nice to have people in your life you can talk about ideas with.

i used to have a close friend that i could talk about this type of stuff...but alas she changed and we are no longer friends


click to expand


Is he touchy feely with everyone? It could just be his personality.

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Posted by Deedee86
Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by Deedee86
Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by Deedee86
What was the pretense behind the meeting? Did you two just happen to run into each other or was it planned?

planned

...he initiated everything.

just like our office hour meet ups.

the other college professors i had which i actually had crushes on.....

it was the other way around.

i would randomly drop by their office .....

i din't need their help...i was always one their best students.
He may be interested. What other reason would he have to invite a former student out?

Were you working on a project together?

he wants to be friends and said he considers me as one.

which i reciprocate.....

we are both intellectually starved and there is some truth to what they say about LA being a cultural wasteland.

it's nice to have people in your life you can talk about ideas with.

i used to have a close friend that i could talk about this type of stuff...but alas she changed and we are no longer friends




Is he touchy feely with everyone? It could just be his personality.

click to expand
he claims he is.

i've never seen it with anyone else tho
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Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by Deedee86
Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by Deedee86
Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Posted by Deedee86
What was the pretense behind the meeting? Did you two just happen to run into each other or was it planned?

planned

...he initiated everything.

just like our office hour meet ups.

the other college professors i had which i actually had crushes on.....

it was the other way around.

i would randomly drop by their office .....

i din't need their help...i was always one their best students.
He may be interested. What other reason would he have to invite a former student out?

Were you working on a project together?

he wants to be friends and said he considers me as one.

which i reciprocate.....

we are both intellectually starved and there is some truth to what they say about LA being a cultural wasteland.

it's nice to have people in your life you can talk about ideas with.

i used to have a close friend that i could talk about this type of stuff...but alas she changed and we are no longer friends




Is he touchy feely with everyone? It could just be his personality.

he claims he is.

i've never seen it with anyone else tho
click to expand


Keep your guard up until you know for sure.

I would like to believe that his intentions are pure BUT I don't have much faith left in mankind

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Posted by Adreamuponwaking
So one of my favorite college professors and I met up this past Friday.

We had an early dinner, he gave me some books and we talked for a couple of hours.

He always sings my praises and compliments me on how smart I am and how he thinks I am a wonderful person.

What bothered me was that he got a little touchy feely ( nothing sexual...just a lot of back rubs and back pats) and he was sitting pretty close to me when we talking after dinner.

He emphasized how touchy he is with all of the friends and how careful he has to be even when he is on campus as he naturally is like this with colleagues etc.

We talked about his ex wife and his love life.

we also talked about mine...he knows i'm gay...

he wants to meet up again before I move away for school.

should I be worried?
Worry about what exactly.

details
Posted by Palerio
Posted by Adreamuponwaking
So one of my favorite college professors and I met up this past Friday.

We had an early dinner, he gave me some books and we talked for a couple of hours.

He always sings my praises and compliments me on how smart I am and how he thinks I am a wonderful person.

What bothered me was that he got a little touchy feely ( nothing sexual...just a lot of back rubs and back pats) and he was sitting pretty close to me when we talking after dinner.

He emphasized how touchy he is with all of the friends and how careful he has to be even when he is on campus as he naturally is like this with colleagues etc.

We talked about his ex wife and his love life.

we also talked about mine...he knows i'm gay...

he wants to meet up again before I move away for school.

should I be worried?
Worry about what exactly.

click to expand


that his intentions aren't pure and if I keep engaging / hanging out with him more

he will take it as a sign for something nonplatonic

details
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