Suicide Loss, Coping, and Prevetion

This topic was created in the Miscellaneous forum by Chuckcem on Tuesday, October 17, 2017 and has 25 replies.
I haven't written an actual topic in a while. Suicide is one of those topics that can be difficult (sometimes impossible) to discuss. I myself have never been suicidal, but I've known those who have been, some of whom unfortunately have taken their lives.

Suicide is so abrupt and so sudden, that it elicits unique emotions that are not necessarily evoked when someone dies from other causes. Regardless of your thoughts/stance on suicide itself, how have you coped with losing of a person to it?

I personally got angry when my friend died, then after some time chose to remember him by recalling funny personal memories about him. It was the best way for me to cope and to honor the my firend's memory. Part of this was because I tend to tell a lot of funny stories and it seemed that being positive helped my other friends cope with their emotions too.

What has been your experience?
details
Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
i am creating a painting of a tree with fall leaves in orange and on it painting two white roses in memorial of my best friends whom i recently lost.

they weren't suicides, but it was tragic, because they are young!
That sounds like a proper homage to honor their memory.
details
What snapped me out of it last year is finding out that my boy was having an extremely hard time at home. Boom, it was like I was never suicidal. My worry for the love of my life was greater than my own hurt.

Unfortunately you can't group everyone together. Some have lost the will to live, find life to be too difficult, believe noone truly cares about them or they found themselves in a situation where they're convinced suicide is the only way out.
details
Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
What snapped me out of it last year is finding out that my boy was having an extremely hard time at home. Boom, it was like I was never suicidal. My worry for the love of my life was greater than my own hurt.

Unfortunately you can't group everyone together. Some have lost the will to live, find life to be too difficult, believe noone truly cares about them or they found themselves in a situation where they're convinced suicide is the only way out.
Glad to hear there was a force that motivated you not to do go down that path.
details
Posted by nightowl
This is a hard topic to talk about or think about, it brings out bad memories..but because it happened ive changed perception on things. there was a time where i was alive but felt like it i was not living . Shutting out people, oversleeping, refusing to eat. Mom encouraged me to live and soon after met someone else helped me stay happy

Now back in high school, another close friend who sat with me everyday for lunch in gr 10..took her life. She kept things internally and never really opened herself to me..she had other friends too but even they didnt know. We drifted apart in our senior year. She reached out to me before we were supposed to graduate, she said "i hope we're still good, hope we havent been too dry around in the halls lately" and i didnt know where this was coming from..and replied "dont worry everything is okay"

Next thing i know people are posting rip posts on her facebook wall


people sometimes internalize things and we often assume, when people reach out..out if nowhere it's important to atleast ask how they are..i realize. things do get better with the right influence on your life

You're right it is a heavy topic, which is why I think it needs to be put out there. Also sounds like you were dealing with depression at that time. Are you still dealing with those feelings?

It's also surreal being one of the last people (or even the last person) your friend reaches out to before they die. It's sad and makes you realize how important you were to them. I received a similar phone call, though it was a bit more vague. Years later I still wonder if my friend's last trip to see me (which occurred before his last phone call to me) was a planned trip to say goodbye.
details
Posted by Chuckcem
I haven't written an actual topic in a while. Suicide is one of those topics that can be difficult (sometimes impossible) to discuss. I myself have never been suicidal, but I've known those who have been, some of whom unfortunately have taken their lives.

Suicide is so abrupt and so sudden, that it elicits unique emotions that are not necessarily evoked when someone dies from other causes. Regardless of your thoughts/stance on suicide itself, how have you coped with losing of a person to it?

I personally got angry when my friend died, then after some time chose to remember him by recalling funny personal memories about him. It was the best way for me to cope and to honor the my firend's memory. Part of this was because I tend to tell a lot of funny stories and it seemed that being positive helped my other friends cope with their emotions too.

What has been your experience?


Suicide ..i don't judge. There is no judgement. I hope they found what they needed. Try and offer comfort to those grieving.

I judge the people for doing it at all ...or feel angry....i don't judge people who do feel angry ..i don't judge

I don't really have a secret or a plan of how i will move forward...i guess i have found myself more empathetic to people who have similar issues..be it abuse or depression ..but also wary and guarded...incase i get hurt again..but it's learning to break the barriers down i suppose.

details
It does make you ...self forgiving ..for the things that don't matter..and forgiving of others..
details
Posted by Cancervirgo15degrees
One of the girls i was friends with growing up had a brother who hung himself. She found him. I dont remember much of it to be honest. We were like 13.

I am super sensitive to the idea of it. Like for some reason if someone is going through a hard time, all i will worry about is if they are thinking of killing themselves.

I will go out of my way to check on them constantly and try to help solve their problem so they arent sad. I will also constantly tell them how glad i feel that they are in my life and how much i need them around, so that they feel like there is someone who really cares.

I honestly have no idea where this anxiety of someone killing themselves comes from. Its just there. 🤔

One of my business partners had an epic nervous breakdown because one of his multimillion dollar businesses was scammed so bad to absolute shit he had to actually shut it down. He didnt tell me till a few months later. I was never so upset. I was so distraught to think of him going through that alone i made him promise to never let himself cry alone ever again and to call me.

This just goes to show you that you never know what a person is going through. Its scary to me that people can hide such tumultuous dark intense emotions.


Right. At the same time, some people can go through the worst parts of life and never once consider suicide. So you don't want to feel yourself with fear over something that may never come to fruition.
details
Posted by LittleFairy
It does make you ...self forgiving ..for the things that don't matter..and forgiving of others..
Yes, it does put a LOT into perspective concerning what truly matters and what doesn't. It also teaches the importance of empathy and being considerate of others.
details
Posted by bittercupcake
I’ve been there when I was around 13/14. I was going through a really rough patch. Dealing with the most abuse and bullying by both family and schoolmates was hard. It seemed like I could never catch a break.

Luckily my willful determination and my stubbornness to prove them all wrong helped me get out. It also helped to release my frustration in writing through poetry.
That's also a rough age. I'm glad you found a healthy outlet.
details
suicide is the best way to go for some people unfortunately

I personally have no issues with it.If one truly feel they don't need to be alive anymore then by all means, take that trip to eternal darkness so the people who want to live will have more to survive on this earth with
details
I lost my best friend of 15 years to suicide a few years ago.

That sucked big time.

I cope by not visiting his grave. Ever. Someday i will. But not yet.
details
What drives me up a wall that people closest to person who will eventually take their life - all had never seen it coming!

When my child was in 6 grade - 2 boys hanged themselves. One girl went under the train and survived.

School conducted greaving classes.

Neighborhood I live in is top if the places in USA. All were from good families who missed their kids suffering. The boys - we kind of know what happened. The girl - ho one ever found out and she is now the happiest confined to a wheelchair and how can that being overlooked?

I am not judging parents.

I just recently threw away first boys picture from funeral that was under my daughters pillow for until I just took it away from her!

So to me now is the biggest thing is to find out how do we miss someone next to us who is suffering so much and we missing it? How? They are our blood and flesh.

Is is fate written in a life book?

What is it?
details
Posted by black_kevorkian
suicide is the best way to go for some people unfortunately

I personally have no issues with it.If one truly feel they don't need to be alive anymore then by all means, take that trip to eternal darkness so the people who want to live will have more to survive on this earth with
My only problem with this logic is that people can change their minds about committing suicide and often do. For many suicide is a cry for help. Statistically a majority of those who survive their suicide attempt wind up never making an additional attempt. Having known a couple of people who have survived their attempts, they are much happier that they didn't actually die.

There are also those who are happy that their suicidal thoughts were prevented with compassion and empathy. So I have a hard time believing suicide in many cases is what the person ultimately wants. What you've proposed is extremely short sighted in the broad scheme of things.
details
Posted by Mr_Pinchy
I lost my best friend of 15 years to suicide a few years ago.

That sucked big time.

I cope by not visiting his grave. Ever. Someday i will. But not yet.
Feel fortunate that you know where he is buried in case you ever decide to go. I have a conflicting views about gravesites, but they can be important to those who need a physical place to visit.

That being said, it would be nice to know where my friend was buried, but his family is extremely reclusive, so we received zero information regarding his funeral and burial.
details
Posted by bittercupcake
Posted by black_kevorkian
suicide is the best way to go for some people unfortunately

I personally have no issues with it.If one truly feel they don't need to be alive anymore then by all means, take that trip to eternal darkness so the people who want to live will have more to survive on this earth with
That’s pretty kruel tbh.
click to expand
Unfortunately it is also the truth.

There is no solution to not wanting to live.

Horrible! Scary! But it happens all over the world. No cure! 1-800-ciicide prevention helps to those who don't want to die!

Those who want don't call.

details
Posted by Cancervirgo15degrees
Posted by Chuckcem
Posted by Cancervirgo15degrees
One of the girls i was friends with growing up had a brother who hung himself. She found him. I dont remember much of it to be honest. We were like 13.

I am super sensitive to the idea of it. Like for some reason if someone is going through a hard time, all i will worry about is if they are thinking of killing themselves.

I will go out of my way to check on them constantly and try to help solve their problem so they arent sad. I will also constantly tell them how glad i feel that they are in my life and how much i need them around, so that they feel like there is someone who really cares.

I honestly have no idea where this anxiety of someone killing themselves comes from. Its just there. 🤔

One of my business partners had an epic nervous breakdown because one of his multimillion dollar businesses was scammed so bad to absolute shit he had to actually shut it down. He didnt tell me till a few months later. I was never so upset. I was so distraught to think of him going through that alone i made him promise to never let himself cry alone ever again and to call me.

This just goes to show you that you never know what a person is going through. Its scary to me that people can hide such tumultuous dark intense emotions.


Right. At the same time, some people can go through the worst parts of life and never once consider suicide. So you don't want to feel yourself with fear over something that may never come to fruition.
I would be very interested to know exactly why that is such a worry. Thats an odd thing to worry about.

Someones really down in the dumps. First thing out of my mouth is "do you feel suicidal". Most of the time people will laugh at that. But i dont think its very funny at all. Its very serious to feel that sad.

Also, i have had this convo a few times with friends where we ask each other- would you ever kill yourself, and what would make you do so?

Morbid convo now that i think about it.

I think suicide prevention is extremely important. I think there are so many signs to look out for, but like with anything in life, a lot of times people dont take notice till its too late.

I also think a lot of times the people you least expect to do it, will do it.

I also think anyone who threatens to commit suicide should be taken seriously. No matter what. I dont like how people say that "the ones who say they are gonna do it never do".

click to expand
Yeah I've found that the people who hold things in and put on a strong/happy front are the ones who make the attempt. My recommendation for you though is to not let the fear of suicide overwhelm you. You've let the fear build up, so now it's triggered constantly, so much so that it's slowly becoming a phobia.

Fear comes from lack of understanding. So it's best to understand the nature of suicide and that many people don't entertain it as an option. Those who do can also be talked down from the idea, since many people aren't 100% sure they want to die anyway. Likewise understand that people have free will and can't always be stopped. Even if you did get in front of them in time, they may still go through with the act.

I had another friend who I reached out to before his attempt, but he still went through with the act anyway. He survived though and is a lot happier that he didn't die. So basically just know that you can put the responsibility solely on yourself.
details
I know a ton of people who killed themselves. Mostly my age (24-27) from overdosing on heroin. One put a gun to their head and shot themselves. A few just lived on the edge fearless. Fate loves the fearless. I always have visions of them the moment they died. Its like I'm in the same room as them, and can feel what they felt as they made the decision to end themselves. Intentionally or unintellally. Then sometimes dream about them. Sometimes they are fine and glad to see me. Other times they are acting odd, with blood coming out of their eyes or nose. I think a lot about the times they were fine. What they sounded like, and what they looked like. Young and full of life. Then my mind sways to the images of stones and bones. Rip to all the people who who took their own life. I raise my glass to them, and have much to talk about next time we meet.
details
Posted by melancholia
There are lots of BS, ignorant, and tone deaf comments in your thread, chuckcem. People who don’t understand depression and mental illness, who are making their ignorance crystal clear.

People shouldn’t speak on such matters unless they know what they are talking about.
Which is why this topic exist. People can't learn or gain understanding by remainig silent. Would you prefer that we didn't tackle hard subjects like these at all? Not everyone here is going to be well versed in this topic and may have opinion/ideas that conflict with your own. If someone is ignorant on a topic, then they need to be taught the correct information.

Likewise, this topic isn't necessarily about understanding depression, but specifically about how to deal with losing someone to suicide. Depression and suicide are not mutually exclusive to one another. Suicide can also be very taboo for people and extrememly difficult to broach. Since everyone experiences grief differently, it's important to know the variety of ways people have handled this scenario.

Additionally I don't control the comments that other people make. If you have something constructive to say to someone, then say it to that person.
details
Posted by melancholia
How do you cope with someone you love takes their own life, because they feel you would be better off without them?

You can’t really cope with the suicide of a loved one, it’s always there with you, and nothing can make it better and you can never really accept it.

I think for me, if anything, there was just a shift. You are more aware of the concept of time and the fragility of life. The pain never wanes.
You're drawing a lot of misguided conclusions. Coping doesn't mean forgetting the person. It means working through the experience to get back to a healthy mindset. It means dealing with the emotions and the loss so that the pain hurts less.

Having experienced a friend's death I can say that you never stop missing the person, but that's not the point. The point is how to do continue on once that person is gone.
details
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by bittercupcake
Posted by black_kevorkian
suicide is the best way to go for some people unfortunately

I personally have no issues with it.If one truly feel they don't need to be alive anymore then by all means, take that trip to eternal darkness so the people who want to live will have more to survive on this earth with
That’s pretty kruel tbh.
Unfortunately it is also the truth.

There is no solution to not wanting to live.

Horrible! Scary! But it happens all over the world. No cure! 1-800-ciicide prevention helps to those who don't want to die!

Those who want don't call.

click to expand
The amount of people who are 100% sure of suicide is low compared to those who are seeking help. How do you discern those who TRULY wish to die versus those who don't? As you said yourself your neighbor's daughter tried killing herself by being struck by a train, but is now much happier that she's alive. The fact is most people who attempt suicide are looking for a reason to live. Those who attempt and survive very rarely make a second attempt.
details
Posted by Chuckcem
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by bittercupcake
Posted by black_kevorkian
suicide is the best way to go for some people unfortunately

I personally have no issues with it.If one truly feel they don't need to be alive anymore then by all means, take that trip to eternal darkness so the people who want to live will have more to survive on this earth with
That’s pretty kruel tbh.
Unfortunately it is also the truth.

There is no solution to not wanting to live.

Horrible! Scary! But it happens all over the world. No cure! 1-800-ciicide prevention helps to those who don't want to die!

Those who want don't call.

The amount of people who are 100% sure of suicide is low compared to those who are seeking help. How do you discern those who TRULY wish to die versus those who don't? As you said yourself your neighbor's daughter tried killing herself by being struck by a train, but is now much happier that she's alive. The fact is most people who attempt suicide are looking for a reason to live. Those who attempt and survive very rarely make a second attempt.
click to expand
I have no answer to this. If I had I would be a guru!

I think people wish to die to show others how they did them wrong! And make them suffer. Without realizing that they will be dead and never see how others will react!

First boy hanged himself because his mom got married to a man with 2 daughters.

Boy had friends. Was loved by everyone.

However family life got him! He couldn't see his mom attending to other people!

If he was an outcast in school I would understand! But he wasn't! So family life killed him and should we blame his mother who fell in love and got married?

So was he at his age so selfish to 'show' his mother that she shouldn't had?

By killing himself? Will we ever know? He is dead!

I don't think this subject will ever be understood. People who commit themselves are special in their heads and we have to just let it go.

Unless some had tried. Like that girl...and want to speak after survival.

I don't know if anyone ever did.

details
Posted by melancholia
Posted by Chuckcem
Posted by melancholia
There are lots of BS, ignorant, and tone deaf comments in your thread, chuckcem. People who don’t understand depression and mental illness, who are making their ignorance crystal clear.

People shouldn’t speak on such matters unless they know what they are talking about.
Which is why this topic exist. People can't learn or gain understanding by remainig silent. Would you prefer that we didn't tackle hard subjects like these at all? Not everyone here is going to be well versed in this topic and may have opinion/ideas that conflict with your own. If someone is ignorant on a topic, then they need to be taught the correct information.

Likewise, this topic isn't necessarily about understanding depression, but specifically about how to deal with losing someone to suicide. Depression and suicide are not mutually exclusive to one another. Suicide can also be very taboo for people and extrememly difficult to broach. Since everyone experiences grief differently, it's important to know the variety of ways people have handled this scenario.

Additionally I don't control the comments that other people make. If you have something constructive to say to someone, then say it to that person.
I would say that mental illness/depression is directly related suicide. You have some kind of mental illness if you choose to take your own life, you aren’t well in the mind. I’ve never met a person who committed suicide who didn’t suffer from mental illness. I have however lost 3 people to suicide: two friends and one very very close family member, all depressed/suffer from some other sort of mental illness.

And I actually think that one of the most important things you can do to cope with someone who commits suicide IS to educate yourself and understand depression and mental illness. That’s really the only kind of closure and explanation you’re ever going to get.
click to expand
My point is that not everyone who experiences depression commits suicide, nor does that have to do with what this topic is about. Again I'm not addressing depression or mental illness here.

Yes educating oneself on the causes of suicide would make sense as a method to cope. If you want want to address the ways to identify and understand mental illness and depression as links to suicide, that's a completely different topic.

details
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by Chuckcem
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by bittercupcake
Posted by black_kevorkian
suicide is the best way to go for some people unfortunately

I personally have no issues with it.If one truly feel they don't need to be alive anymore then by all means, take that trip to eternal darkness so the people who want to live will have more to survive on this earth with
That’s pretty kruel tbh.
Unfortunately it is also the truth.

There is no solution to not wanting to live.

Horrible! Scary! But it happens all over the world. No cure! 1-800-ciicide prevention helps to those who don't want to die!

Those who want don't call.

The amount of people who are 100% sure of suicide is low compared to those who are seeking help. How do you discern those who TRULY wish to die versus those who don't? As you said yourself your neighbor's daughter tried killing herself by being struck by a train, but is now much happier that she's alive. The fact is most people who attempt suicide are looking for a reason to live. Those who attempt and survive very rarely make a second attempt.
I have no answer to this. If I had I would be a guru!

I think people wish to die to show others how they did them wrong! And make them suffer. Without realizing that they will be dead and never see how others will react!

First boy hanged himself because his mom got married to a man with 2 daughters.

Boy had friends. Was loved by everyone.

However family life got him! He couldn't see his mom attending to other people!

If he was an outcast in school I would understand! But he wasn't! So family life killed him and should we blame his mother who fell in love and got married?

So was he at his age so selfish to 'show' his mother that she shouldn't had?

By killing himself? Will we ever know? He is dead!

I don't think this subject will ever be understood. People who commit themselves are special in their heads and we have to just let it go.

Unless some had tried. Like that girl...and want to speak after survival.

I don't know if anyone ever did.

click to expand
You're missing the point of this topic.
details
Posted by melancholia
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by Chuckcem
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by bittercupcake
Posted by black_kevorkian
suicide is the best way to go for some people unfortunately

I personally have no issues with it.If one truly feel they don't need to be alive anymore then by all means, take that trip to eternal darkness so the people who want to live will have more to survive on this earth with
That’s pretty kruel tbh.
Unfortunately it is also the truth.

There is no solution to not wanting to live.

Horrible! Scary! But it happens all over the world. No cure! 1-800-ciicide prevention helps to those who don't want to die!

Those who want don't call.

The amount of people who are 100% sure of suicide is low compared to those who are seeking help. How do you discern those who TRULY wish to die versus those who don't? As you said yourself your neighbor's daughter tried killing herself by being struck by a train, but is now much happier that she's alive. The fact is most people who attempt suicide are looking for a reason to live. Those who attempt and survive very rarely make a second attempt.
I have no answer to this. If I had I would be a guru!

I think people wish to die to show others how they did them wrong! And make them suffer. Without realizing that they will be dead and never see how others will react!

First boy hanged himself because his mom got married to a man with 2 daughters.

Boy had friends. Was loved by everyone.

However family life got him! He couldn't see his mom attending to other people!

If he was an outcast in school I would understand! But he wasn't! So family life killed him and should we blame his mother who fell in love and got married?

So was he at his age so selfish to 'show' his mother that she shouldn't had?

By killing himself? Will we ever know? He is dead!

I don't think this subject will ever be understood. People who commit themselves are special in their heads and we have to just let it go.

Unless some had tried. Like that girl...and want to speak after survival.

I don't know if anyone ever did.

It’s actually not a selfish act, at all, when they feel like their friends and family and the world in general would be better off without them in it. You’re only looking at it from the outsiders perspective, but failing to understand and empathize with that personals mental state and feelings. And no, it’s not usually done for attention.

It’s a legitimate mental illness, a feeling of deep worthlessness and pointlessness and despair that they cannot help.

click to expand
I am so sorry if I came out like that!

I didn't mean to. I just thought this act of kids who were loved and not taunted and not being hurt...they wanted to hurt back those who hurt them by simply bettering their life. He didn't wanted to die! He wanted to punish his mother for 'cheating' on his dead father. He was too young to understand what widowed woman going trough because he was so young!

Never ever I would judge people who committed themselves because it's too horrible and painful and awful thing.

I just wish someone was there to prevent it. Like I said...I had just thrown his card out after many years and didn't feel I should but I did. And I am still thinking about it. With pain. Like...I wish someone was there...but they weren't. And his mother...I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. Sorry if I came out wrong. It still hurts ME! And I didn't even know the boy!

This subject is nothing but the pure pain and suffering for anyone.

Wondering what are we trying to get outnof talking about this.

We will never find out why and how to prevent it. Sadly...
details

Leave Your Feedback

We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.

Home Astrology Comments Forums Search

©1997-2025 dxpnet.com. All Rights Reserved.
Advertising Contact Terms of Use Privacy Policy