What are the lessons you have learned from relationships ?
To my fellow DXP users - What are some of the important if not vital lessons you have learned from relationships ? From your experiences, what are some things which you now consider red flags ? Share with us all, it may help others with their situ...
This topic was created in the Miscellaneous forum by TheLadyScorpio on Monday, January 9, 2017 and has 121 replies.
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Posted by MyStarsShineWhen either gender has a severe hatred for the other, it would only spell trouble.Posted by TheLadyScorpio
If they find the mistreatment of women, humorous.
If they have a severe hatred of women, insulting them in the process but veiling it under sarcasm or 'jokes'.
If they make rather misogynist comments, that shock you from time to time.
Even if they have a seemingly good side, and they do good deeds for certain women. Know this, it is to keep up a facade, or because they wanted something from those individuals, or because it was an exchange.
You should never let such uncomfortable comments slide. Your gut feeling was not incorrect, do not deny yourself of your intuition, especially when it is on red alert.
I would only have to hear that once and I would be out
Huge red flagclick to expand
It would never be good, or so I have learned from experience and from what I have witnessed of others.
Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by MyStarsShineWhen either gender has a severe hatred for the other, it would only spell trouble.Posted by TheLadyScorpio
If they find the mistreatment of women, humorous.
If they have a severe hatred of women, insulting them in the process but veiling it under sarcasm or 'jokes'.
If they make rather misogynist comments, that shock you from time to time.
Even if they have a seemingly good side, and they do good deeds for certain women. Know this, it is to keep up a facade, or because they wanted something from those individuals, or because it was an exchange.
You should never let such uncomfortable comments slide. Your gut feeling was not incorrect, do not deny yourself of your intuition, especially when it is on red alert.
I would only have to hear that once and I would be out
Huge red flag
It would never be good, or so I have learned from experience and from what I have witnessed of others.click to expand
Yes, I agree
I left another reading for you on my reading thread Lady.
Posted by pisces4scorpioPosted by sagsagsagScorpios for reasons Ive explained elsewhere - tons of chemistry/doesnt drain me/ i can be myselfPosted by pisces4scorpioYou're looking specifically for a scorpio with mars in scorpio? why though?
What I look for: tall / Scorpio / mars in Scorpio / no red flags / 4:20 friendly / intellect / humor / spirituality
But for dating reasons: chemistry
Mars in Scorpio: Best in bed.click to expand
What about the mood swings and control freak thing though ?
Posted by MyStarsShineI will go take a look and thank you.Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by MyStarsShineWhen either gender has a severe hatred for the other, it would only spell trouble.Posted by TheLadyScorpio
If they find the mistreatment of women, humorous.
If they have a severe hatred of women, insulting them in the process but veiling it under sarcasm or 'jokes'.
If they make rather misogynist comments, that shock you from time to time.
Even if they have a seemingly good side, and they do good deeds for certain women. Know this, it is to keep up a facade, or because they wanted something from those individuals, or because it was an exchange.
You should never let such uncomfortable comments slide. Your gut feeling was not incorrect, do not deny yourself of your intuition, especially when it is on red alert.
I would only have to hear that once and I would be out
Huge red flag
It would never be good, or so I have learned from experience and from what I have witnessed of others.
Yes, I agree
I left another reading for you on my reading thread Lady.click to expand
Posted by BuffaloBills28agreed. especially not on the internet.
Honestly, that most people are not who they say they are. People are frauds.
they can make up stories and elaborate stories too. that's why meet in person.
Beware of an individual who would never apologies, or admit their wrong doings.
If they must fight their way, using every tactic in the book of manipulation and pain to make you apologies on their behalf.
Then know this, in their world, their overinflated ego, makes them forever right.
They will never admit their wrongs.
They truly think they are better than you.
You are only the dirt underneath their feet.
Since they will never learn from their mistakes, this individual will never grow. They have no capacity to reflect upon their own mistakes. Do you want someone who does not care at all, if you are hurt. To them, their fragile ego, and self esteem, surpasses anyone else. For you, to even suggest they could ever make a mistake, would be but a devastating blow to their sense of self.
How dare you. Yes, how dare you attack them. They will accuse you over and over again, until you succumb or until you will no longer accept the blame.
It is never your fault, remember that. To those who are in such a predicament. You have no responsibility for or over their choices and actions. Do not and never apologies on their behalf.
If they must fight their way, using every tactic in the book of manipulation and pain to make you apologies on their behalf.
Then know this, in their world, their overinflated ego, makes them forever right.
They will never admit their wrongs.
They truly think they are better than you.
You are only the dirt underneath their feet.
Since they will never learn from their mistakes, this individual will never grow. They have no capacity to reflect upon their own mistakes. Do you want someone who does not care at all, if you are hurt. To them, their fragile ego, and self esteem, surpasses anyone else. For you, to even suggest they could ever make a mistake, would be but a devastating blow to their sense of self.
How dare you. Yes, how dare you attack them. They will accuse you over and over again, until you succumb or until you will no longer accept the blame.
It is never your fault, remember that. To those who are in such a predicament. You have no responsibility for or over their choices and actions. Do not and never apologies on their behalf.
If your SO, keeps you like a secret or in any way hidden from certain or all other parts of their life.
They do this, to maintain their image. People will only get to hear their side of the story.
They do so, so they could slander you however they want.
It is their cruel way in maintaining their pristine facade.
There is no justice.
They do this, to maintain their image. People will only get to hear their side of the story.
They do so, so they could slander you however they want.
It is their cruel way in maintaining their pristine facade.
There is no justice.
Posted by PootyButtPootyButt, I knew something was not right all along, but I always did an over ride on my intuition. Always trying to see the good in people, and look at where that left me. He warped that side of me, using it to his advantage, abusing the good in me, turning it into my downfall.Posted by TheLadyScorpioYou are describing the classic abusive relationship. I'm sorry you know about that. It sounds terrifying.
If your SO, keeps you like a secret or in any way hidden from certain or all other parts of their life.
They do this, to maintain their image. People will only get to hear their side of the story.
They do so, so they could slander you however they want.
It is their cruel way in maintaining their pristine facade.
There is no justice.
Edit: and I know that it is. I didn't live through that, but my sister did. The last straw was when he put a gun to her head.click to expand
It is terrifying, he is a terrifying man and god knows what else is in his past. He keeps a tight lock, physically and metaphorically on his past. He hides it all in which he has not filtered, and demands that you never look through certain closets, cupboards or belongings of his.
They also do all of the above, so they could keep a pristine record, going from victim to victim.
I am so very sorry your sister had to go through that, how frightening. I am so very glad she made it out alive, and I hope she is in a better place these days. The recovery from the trauma of it all, must have been a constant painful reminder to her.
If you want someone to have sexy with you - don't wait for years to tell them because you both aren't getting any younger!
If your SO continually tells you - You still do not get it, do you ?
Every time after in which they 'tease' you, incessantly, with subtle belittlements. That is because they are delighting in the fact that you still remain blind to their manipulations.
They are not being cute or adorable or loving or intimate, they are telling you the truth.
Believe them.
Cruel people have a cruel way of letting their true intentions slip into their words, by accident.
Every time after in which they 'tease' you, incessantly, with subtle belittlements. That is because they are delighting in the fact that you still remain blind to their manipulations.
They are not being cute or adorable or loving or intimate, they are telling you the truth.
Believe them.
Cruel people have a cruel way of letting their true intentions slip into their words, by accident.
The abusers, never cared about or for you. They never loved you, they love what you could do for them.
You have to find acceptance and make peace in that knowledge.
To think otherwise, you would only delude yourself.
All the good they have ever done to you, was in relation to their power and control.
It was all in relation to what they could get out of it all, and it as nothing to do with you, your emotions, your respect, or your well being.
To them, you are a tool. A means of getting what they want and need.
If you try to think yourself as anything else, you would only be inflicting more pain upon yourself than is necessary.
Once you find acceptance in it, acknowledging it, that all you were was a tool. You would then, be able to think clearly and rationally.
You have to find acceptance and make peace in that knowledge.
To think otherwise, you would only delude yourself.
All the good they have ever done to you, was in relation to their power and control.
It was all in relation to what they could get out of it all, and it as nothing to do with you, your emotions, your respect, or your well being.
To them, you are a tool. A means of getting what they want and need.
If you try to think yourself as anything else, you would only be inflicting more pain upon yourself than is necessary.
Once you find acceptance in it, acknowledging it, that all you were was a tool. You would then, be able to think clearly and rationally.
Posted by pisces4scorpioYour experiences are very interesting, especially since it seems you aren't too compatible with people who one might think would be a match for you since your moon sign is compatible with their sun sign. With people who have a sun and moon that clash in some way in their own chart (i.e. elements that aren't compatible, like your's), I always observe that they get along with people who match their moon sign. Did you check the moon signs of the Scorpios in your life to see if they were an air or fire sign?Posted by themilkyway36I moved to a new city and within a few years time of being in an isolated relationship - became single and released back into the wild. I made a choice to specifically hunt for Scorpios - who I had avoided my whole life. After a year of this I have a strong core squad of Scorpios as inner circle confidants and friends. So I have had an extreme change of astrological enviornment, if you will. And the differences have been so night and day for me that I'm truly able to note the contrast.Posted by pisces4scorpioHow would you differentiate between whether a person drains your energy or whether there is a "reaction?" For example, what signs are there typically or how do you feel?Posted by MyStarsShineAs an empath I learned the red flags make it impossible for me to avoid getting drained energy wise. And taking care of my self needs (vs always fighting to keep myself from drowning in their soul sucking energy) makes me a much more fulfilling partner.Posted by pisces4scorpio
What I consider Red flags: addiction / depression / negativity / controlling / anti feeling / narcissism / babydick (= short man complex but worse) / sports addict / pro trump
What I look for: tall / Scorpio / mars in Scorpio / no red flags / 4:20 friendly / intellect / humor / spirituality
But what did you learn about yourself ?
I learned Scorpios and virgo (men) don't drain my energy but instead have an incredible energy exchange with me and that with Scorpios I can just be myself. Other signs give me too much energy to react and respond to that makes me chameleon or mirror them and I lose myself.
I have this problem too, I'm a Capricorn with a Scorpio Moon and Pisces Venus (Aquarius mars and mercury) and I find that I act very different with everybody I meet/know. Some people I feel very comfortable with, no effort needed; some people I feel very drained by; some people I feel awkward around and no connection. But I tend to mirror people a lot which I don't know if I can change as a trait in myself, because it makes me feel like not like my own person.
I dont know how to explain it but Ill give it a shot: As an empath I pick up on things - vibes? Energy? mood - then your typical heightened observations. Im just sensitive to nuances in all of it. As a pisces maybe thats where it comes from? Cancer Ascendant? If I dont get my alone time I just get totally drained by other people and feel like I have to detox others energy. But with the scorpios I havent had to deal with any of that.
The gemini I dated this year - there just was never a connection. The attraction was purely physical for me. We could talk for hours on end. We both had libra moons. But even tho the sex was good - it was never something that happened with synchronicity. And our appetites were definitely not matched. But we had a ton of fun together. My friends before this year have always been Taurueans / Virgos and Cancers. I avoid Aries because they drain the flipping life out of me. Libra's I dont connect with. Leo's either - plus their need for constant validation and attention is too much for me. I dont know any Aquarians. Sagittarians are fun but dont have enough depth for me to dive into, they dont drain me, but they dont really give much back for me either. Ive worked with a lot of Capricorns and we are all business and productive together.
When I'm with someone one on one I'm reading them - I cant help it - theres just way more communication happening than words alone. And to remain in the observant alert state in order to communicate effectively just wipes me out after a while. I can do crowds and large parties in small doses. At bars or clubs I like to observe more than be in the center of things. But still will need alone time afterwards to recharge and shake off the vibes I absorbed.click to expand
Scorpios come off pretty strong to me, and they certainly do have a presence that differentiates them. Funny thing is that in the past year or so, I've met 2 double Scorpios (Sun and moon sign is scorpio) who were drawn to me, them to me more than the vice versa. I was kind of pushing one of them away that tried to pursue me too because even though I know we would be compatible, something about them scares me a bit just because I know how intense and obsessive scorpio [especially moons] can get with somebody that they like.
I really want to experience more water signs though, since I've mostly only gotten to know Taurus and Virgo really.
I could write a book. To keep things short how about just not taking anything less than you deserve, and giving everything he/she does?
There you go. A successful relationship in one sentence.
There you go. A successful relationship in one sentence.
Posted by TheLadyScorpioWhat I learned from my past relationships? 1) To slow down. 2) To never compare men as they are different (values, morals, parents, etc). 3) To never compare zodiac signs and not believe all I read about their characteristics, too 4) To be patient 5) To be always open to love again even when my heart has been broken "Hey, I'm Piscean!" 6) I've learned to listen to my dreams and intuition.
To my fellow DXP users -
What are some of the important if not vital lessons you have learned from relationships ?
From your experiences, what are some things which you now consider red flags ?
Share with us all, it may help others with their situation or give others a new perspective to look at.
Red flags? When a man goes AWOl (Absent Without Leave); I know what his answer is; as I don't stay where I'm not wanted. I still believe that if a man is a "Short d*ck man"; I will "swim" away. Staying away from online dating sites (I've had ENOUGH!). If a man chastises my son I will protect my "cub" and break up w/the guy (esp when you act like this in MY home).
Good topic, OP!
Cyber hugs! Love,
Eva
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Set boundaries and don't tolerate the bs that most women get door matted over.
I've heard people say before that they "have issues with boundaries".
I choose to think of it a somewhat different way. The way I see it, our "boundaries" come from knowing ourselves well and being confident in the choices we make, then simply accepting the outcomes and making new choices from there.
You're in control ... these are your choices. "Boundaries" are artificial, in the sense that someone else creates them. Choices are our own, and they're stronger when they come from a self-informed position.
That trust is earned and should not be given away feely.
Sad revolution.
Sad revolution.
Posted by EvoxxxscorpioPosted by Stensco21Don't you think that should be a red flag?Posted by EvoxxxscorpioPosted by Stensco21It was a joke ?Posted by EvoxxxscorpioWhat do you mean?
Major red flag no sex.
Oh I was wondering if you meant if you are in a relationship and they stop having sex that's a red flag lolclick to expand
YES
Posted by BuffaloBills28BuffaloBills28 , I am sorry that you have.Posted by TheLadyScorpioI've actually experienced this..
Beware of an individual who would never apologies, or admit their wrong doings.
If they must fight their way, using every tactic in the book of manipulation and pain to make you apologies on their behalf.
Then know this, in their world, their overinflated ego, makes them forever right.
They will never admit their wrongs.
They truly think they are better than you.
You are only the dirt underneath their feet.
Since they will never learn from their mistakes, this individual will never grow. They have no capacity to reflect upon their own mistakes. Do you want someone who does not care at all, if you are hurt. To them, their fragile ego, and self esteem, surpasses anyone else. For you, to even suggest they could ever make a mistake, would be but a devastating blow to their sense of self.
How dare you. Yes, how dare you attack them. They will accuse you over and over again, until you succumb or until you will no longer accept the blame.
It is never your fault, remember that. To those who are in such a predicament. You have no responsibility for or over their choices and actions. Do not and never apologies on their behalf.click to expand
It is never a pleasant experience, to have endured such mistreatment.
Posted by EvoxxxscorpioPosted by PootyButtThe thing I learned is in order to make it work she's gonna has to have a lot of patience and understanding.Posted by EvoxxxscorpioTotally understandable. I think that's how I would act if it weren't for my Leo Mars. That kitty is really hard to put on a leash. So, I just act erratically. Ugh.Posted by PootyButtlol In all seriousness tho I believe in equality only when the other person has proven herself cause I'm an all or nothing type of guy but it's gonna take time to get there.Posted by EvoxxxscorpioSMHPosted by PootyButtHaha that's the type of math I'm good at.Posted by EvoxxxscorpioI'm trying to learn Scorpio math of late. It seems to go something along the lines of "I have too much, so you can't have all of it." LOLPosted by MyStarsShinelol I'm not very good in math ?Posted by EvoxxxscorpioLolPosted by SeraphlightI know 70/30 seems unfairPosted by Evoxxxscorpioi can't do maths ..all or nothing...
Most important lesson I've learned is to always make the other person invest more than you do more like 70/30.
Totally unbalancedclick to expand
Vice-versa
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The abusers, never cared about or for you. They never loved you, they love what you could do for them.
You have to find acceptance and make peace in that knowledge.
To think otherwise, you would only delude yourself.
All the good they have ever done to you, was in relation to their power and control.
It was all in relation to what they could get out of it all, and it as nothing to do with you, your emotions, your respect, or your well being.
To them, you are a tool. A means of getting what they want and need.
If you try to think yourself as anything else, you would only be inflicting more pain upon yourself than is necessary.
Once you find acceptance in it, acknowledging it, that all you were was a tool. You would then, be able to think clearly and rationally.
WOW! Spot on!!! Thank you!
Posted by pisces4scorpioThat's interesting, I guess libra moons are the one out of the 3 air moons that can handle the more intense emotions of a water sign/+moon. I dated a guy with a libra moon and I always felt like there was something emotionally distant about him, but maybe it was just the dynamics of the relationship idk.Posted by themilkyway36Posted by pisces4scorpioYour experiences are very interesting, especially since it seems you aren't too compatible with people who one might think would be a match for you since your moon sign is compatible with their sun sign. With people who have a sun and moon that clash in some way in their own chart (i.e. elements that aren't compatible, like your's), I always observe that they get along with people who match their moon sign. Did you check the moon signs of the Scorpios in your life to see if they were an air or fire sign?Posted by themilkyway36I moved to a new city and within a few years time of being in an isolated relationship - became single and released back into the wild. I made a choice to specifically hunt for Scorpios - who I had avoided my whole life. After a year of this I have a strong core squad of Scorpios as inner circle confidants and friends. So I have had an extreme change of astrological enviornment, if you will. And the differences have been so night and day for me that I'm truly able to note the contrast.Posted by pisces4scorpioHow would you differentiate between whether a person drains your energy or whether there is a "reaction?" For example, what signs are there typically or how do you feel?Posted by MyStarsShineAs an empath I learned the red flags make it impossible for me to avoid getting drained energy wise. And taking care of my self needs (vs always fighting to keep myself from drowning in their soul sucking energy) makes me a much more fulfilling partner.Posted by pisces4scorpio
What I consider Red flags: addiction / depression / negativity / controlling / anti feeling / narcissism / babydick (= short man complex but worse) / sports addict / pro trump
What I look for: tall / Scorpio / mars in Scorpio / no red flags / 4:20 friendly / intellect / humor / spirituality
But what did you learn about yourself ?
I learned Scorpios and virgo (men) don't drain my energy but instead have an incredible energy exchange with me and that with Scorpios I can just be myself. Other signs give me too much energy to react and respond to that makes me chameleon or mirror them and I lose myself.
I have this problem too, I'm a Capricorn with a Scorpio Moon and Pisces Venus (Aquarius mars and mercury) and I find that I act very different with everybody I meet/know. Some people I feel very comfortable with, no effort needed; some people I feel very drained by; some people I feel awkward around and no connection. But I tend to mirror people a lot which I don't know if I can change as a trait in myself, because it makes me feel like not like my own person.
I dont know how to explain it but Ill give it a shot: As an empath I pick up on things - vibes? Energy? mood - then your typical heightened observations. Im just sensitive to nuances in all of it. As a pisces maybe thats where it comes from? Cancer Ascendant? If I dont get my alone time I just get totally drained by other people and feel like I have to detox others energy. But with the scorpios I havent had to deal with any of that.
The gemini I dated this year - there just was never a connection. The attraction was purely physical for me. We could talk for hours on end. We both had libra moons. But even tho the sex was good - it was never something that happened with synchronicity. And our appetites were definitely not matched. But we had a ton of fun together. My friends before this year have always been Taurueans / Virgos and Cancers. I avoid Aries because they drain the flipping life out of me. Libra's I dont connect with. Leo's either - plus their need for constant validation and attention is too much for me. I dont know any Aquarians. Sagittarians are fun but dont have enough depth for me to dive into, they dont drain me, but they dont really give much back for me either. Ive worked with a lot of Capricorns and we are all business and productive together.
When I'm with someone one on one I'm reading them - I cant help it - theres just way more communication happening than words alone. And to remain in the observant alert state in order to communicate effectively just wipes me out after a while. I can do crowds and large parties in small doses. At bars or clubs I like to observe more than be in the center of things. But still will need alone time afterwards to recharge and shake off the vibes I absorbed.
Scorpios come off pretty strong to me, and they certainly do have a presence that differentiates them. Funny thing is that in the past year or so, I've met 2 double Scorpios (Sun and moon sign is scorpio) who were drawn to me, them to me more than the vice versa. I was kind of pushing one of them away that tried to pursue me too because even though I know we would be compatible, something about them scares me a bit just because I know how intense and obsessive scorpio [especially moons] can get with somebody that they like.
I really want to experience more water signs though, since I've mostly only gotten to know Taurus and Virgo really.
interesting angle! I just looked - because of course I have a data base to pull upclick to expand
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