Best Woman's Advice EVER!

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by FlyingBurritos80 on Thursday, February 24, 2011 and has 28 replies.
This is some advice an older female relative of mine gave me regarding women. This was years back when I went through emotional hell with my cap ex. And she nicely heard me out. The 1st thing she told me was obvious - kick this woman to the curb.
The 2nd piece of advice she gave was golden. And I always go back to it every time for reference when dating a new woman.

Here it is:

Ask the girl this: "What kind of relationship do you have with your father?" If answer is negative ask, "do you hate him?"
If the next answer to last question is yes, then ask - "Have you gotten counseling or help for it?" If answer's no, then ask - "Do you plan on looking into getting some type of help/assistance on this issue anytime soon?" If answer is no or a rude response then

RUN THE F--K AWAY, DO NOT SLOW DOWN OR LOOK BACK ONCE!
She then went on to say "If a girl has an unhealthy/bad relationship with her father, and never seeks help for it, chances are 99.9% she's gonna treat you like dogsh-t forever."
That didnt make sense completely at first. But after my experience with the cap ex, and dating other women over a period of years, it is so right on the mark.
So I tell any other guy or gal for that matter to use it as a benchmark when considering potential girlfriends. My motto is life's too short to get treated like crap with one woman. Especially when there are so many other ones who can Winking
details
I wouldnt ask them in succession like that. I would ask each one at different times. Cause I get that can be badgering.
Plus, the phrasing of the questions would be different. But the core idea/concept behind the questions is good.
If I sense a girl is about to have the "where is this going" talk with me, hell yes Im going to screen the crap out of them. Cause Im not going to waste my time anymore in relationships that obviously wont work out long term. Im way too old now for BS/time filler relationships.
And believe me with the kind of women in my town, they almost always get into relationships for all the wrong reasons.
details
Beloved, I think you missed what I said in the earlier post. I would rephrase it meaning it wouldnt come off as interrogation. Its basically has to do with the way you word things in conversation.

Im a pretty mellow dude, so women tend to open up easily around me for better or worse Winking But I agree with Quietstorms analogy too cause it does go both ways.
For the record, Im always nice to people in the service industry. I dont flirt with them in front of a date, but I am nice. And despite my nightmarish experience with Cap ex, no girl Ive dated knows about it. I keep my dating history confidential so to speak. No matter how bad they were, that's between me and them. That's no else's concern or business.
I tend to confuse women I date cause of never asking about their dating history. The only thing I will ask and that's only if theyre asking me the where are we going question is why their last couple of relationships didnt work.
And my mother was awesome, so I always went for the nice girls. I only went for the bad ones just if I was heartbroken/didnt have time for a relationship just wanting to get laid.
My problem is Ive dated women who I thought were nice and ended up being bad girls in sheep's clothing.
Oh, there was one more piece of advice my relative give me. If you found out early on that the parents of the
woman you're dating call her "Princess", drop it like its hot. Cause it pretty much guarantees that woman is going to be a nightmare in a relationship.

details
LOL @ BA... timing is everything! I think the advice he got from the aunt was good. There's nothing wrong with asking those kinds of questions but you don't just randomly drop them into conversation like that. Def not first date stuff either. When you're getting to know someone you talk about everything... on the phone, while hanging out, wherever. Personally, I don't really "question" anyway, I bring things into conversation. People open up to me about stuff all the time. Finding out about someones relationship with their parents would be easy.
details
Ummm the same could go with men and their moms.

God talk about a mess.

details
Also, this isn't best advice. It's common sense.
details
"Oh, there was one more piece of advice my relative give me. If you found out early on that the parents of the
woman you're dating call her "Princess", drop it like its hot. Cause it pretty much guarantees that woman is going to be a nightmare in a relationship."
Oh what? And it can't be reversed with the mom calling her son prince? Get over yourself. Stop blaming woman for everything. Men are just as fucked up.
details
Posted by Sagittarius89
Also, this isn't best advice. It's common sense.

Most of the best advice is common sense. People seem to forget the easy stuff when we like someone. We get all stupid and justify things we shouldn't and make excuses for stuff that should signal us to run for the hills.
details
Posted by BelovedAssata
Thank you for acknowledging that I was making a joke...personally, I wouldn't know how one would phrase that question to be non-invasive AND receive an honest answer but I can accept that it could be just me.

We've already hung out few times and and we get along great. One night, we're up late talking. Sharing stories like the time I crashed my bike playing chicken with my older brother, and how I've broken like 15 bones, and all the silly stuff that happened growing up. It's light conversation we're both laughing. Then I mention the family reunions (that's code for Keg Party in my family) that we do each summer when we all get together and tell dumb stories about each other. Then I ask, "are you close with your family like that?"... that's not offensive or intrusive. Also, since I've just shared stories it invites you to do the same.
In the situation I described I'd be very surprised if your response was:
BA: What are you doing? What's the relevance of asking me this? this is pretty creepy..
Don't "question" people you are trying to get to know... talk to them. (only take notes over the phone) Tongue
details
Haha... someone's mom calls them prince? (aside from PP of course) I know parents that calls their daughters princess, but the boys prince... really? My mom called me "jerkboy"...
details
haha the notes thing was a joke... I'm not THAT creepy
That's common for hispanic families though isn't it? nino/nina... I'm trying to remember what else I hear them call the boys. They call the girls mami a lot which bothers me.
details
my dad would stutter through our names till he got the one he was trying to yell at. My brother would do something (never me I'm an angelTongue) and he'd holler "Jas-Sco-Christopher!"
details
I think you get alot more truthful answers about a person's relationship with their parents when they voluntarily give up that kind of information VS. cornerning them & asking them for it.
Having a bad/tainted relationship with either parents WILL affect you, either for the good or for the bad. It's up to each person & how they CHOOSE to allow the bad/tainted relationship to affect them later on in life or in their other relationships. I do agree though that without seeking/getting help for the childhood issues that there's a wayyyy higher chance that those issues will resurface somewhere in future relationships with others.
It all depends. It depends on WHY a woman hates her father. If she never knew him to begin with, she may hate him on a superficial/temporary basis, but it's not like a woman who grew up w/o a father can't go on to lead a healthy life or have healthy relationships; she absolutely can.
If she was abused (sexually, verbally, physically, emotionally, etc.) by her father...yep counseling is probably the best indicator that she won't carry on that baggage to new relationships. And hell, even sometimes counseling doesn't work.
If she has daddy issues but yet had other strong/influental men throughout her life that stepped up to the plate or taught her core values, she may not necessarily have huge baggage or be someone to walk away from persay someone else knew this about her.
details
As someone who has "parent issues" I guess I want to add that this is advice to give for people seeking long-term relationships (marriage, etc).
As someone who has "parent issues" I don't mind engaging with conversation or friendship with people with their own "parent issues". I have found so much healing along the way, and I think that I can serve others in telling them that you can live to be a happy and confident and put-together person despite having to grow up with issues from your childhood or whatnot.
I encourage those who feel they might have hated what their parents did at one point, to not shy away from talking when the topic is raised. Feeling like you will be ditched by friends altogether because you hate what your mom or dad did to you in the past, is not the way to address anything in this world.
If you have "no issues" in your life and want to ditch people because talking with someone who might have deep issues with their parents or past, well so be it. In the long run those of us who want to help and want to heal what is at stake in our community and world will still be faced with doing it at some point in our life, be it as a parent or role-model and that is just how life is.
Again ditch lovers you don't want to love, but I encourage you to not check out of every single situation that might include people with emotional "baggage". The one or two days you try to stay involved might actually change the course of the world.

------
Also as someone who has overcome issues with parents, I have to say I can walk confidently around the world feeling free from the past, and able to say I am beyond them, I do not deny them, I don't act like I am cured and therefor don't have to ever discuss them. The topic can be like the chickenpox and discussing what you did when you had issues.
Yes overtalking about the negative, defeating issues that arise from such situations is a drag and can drain the energy from relationships of all types, but not talking is how these things end up repeating or ending in total disaster.
details
Posted by LibraSid
my dad would stutter through our names till he got the one he was trying to yell at. My brother would do something (never me I'm an angelTongue) and he'd holler "Jas-Sco-Christopher!"


Big Grin
In my house growing up, it wasn't even about confusing the names of the boys or girls.. it was universal.. Mom might call me my brother's name.. might call my brother by our sister's name.. or at least start to (stuttering).. so it's been a looooongtime family joke now turned into a family "meme".. "PER-JA-NTHONY"!! So for the last 15 or 20 years, for ALL of us.. yelling at any of our kids the word/name "Perjanthony" is the known code for, "Hey you, kid of mine.. yeah YOU.. whatever your name is! ANSWER ME!"
I'm getting old. I call my kids by the wrong name all the time, and my boys LOOOOOVE to point out that senile old Mom is losing it.. but they know what Perjanthony means lol

P.S. "Jerkboy" hahaha! But you WERE a jerk! NO KIDNEY PUNCH!
I call my Aries son "Ramjet the Rookie" or "Ramjet" for short.
details
written word =/= speaking. Written words can be interpreted however the reader chooses. I have never been told people feel like I'm judging them. Quite the opposite actually. I've been told I have a peaceful air about me, that I make people comfortable, that I have a soothing voice, that they relax when they talk to me, that they aren't afraid I'll judge or hold things against them... People I've known for a very short amount of time open up to me about very personal stuff.

As for the hating the father stuff I'd say the original advice could end there.
"Do you hate your father?"
"Yes!"
"Nice meeting you, good bye"
I'm not talking about teens or people fresh out of the parental house here. Most people move out in their late teens early twenties. by thirty you've been away nearly ten years (maybe more). And if things were really bad at home maybe much more. Know what happened, whatever it was, and let it go. Carrying around hate for that long isn't good for you. I'd lay out a blanket statement that if someone HATES their parents they have a problem. It doesn't mean everyone has to love their parents, if they were bad parents, cut them out of your life but let go of the bitterness... get counseling if it was that bad.
I'll prolly catch shit for that last bit but oh well...
details
I don't think the whole "parent issues" thing is black and white. I don't believe that you should run just b/c someone says, "I don't get along with my father." It all depends on WHY the relationship is severed or turbulent. And most important, it all depends on how each person has choosen to allow that broken/severed relationship to affect them.
Simply having a bad relationship with 1 of your parents doesn't meant that you're not capable of having a healthy & long-lasting relationship. You absolutely can IF you chose not to allow that baggage to resurface in a bad way in future relationships with others. Some people try to prevent the baggage from resurfacing through means of counseling, while others find other ways.
Sometimes, some of the BEST people who go on to have some of the best relationships are people who came from bad childhoods. Some women learn to become exceptionally great girlfriends/wives/partners simply BECAUSE they learned how NOT to be b/c of bad past relationships.
Some people actually know how to turn bad past experiences into a good stepping stone/learning lesson, while others simply cannot stop allowing the past to consume them.
details
Posted by Nefer
P.S. "Jerkboy" hahaha! But you WERE a jerk! NO KIDNEY PUNCH!

Yes I was, but it was a loving jerkishness Tongue And jerkboy is said with as much love as it can be...
I like the perjanthony thing, if the stutterings my dad made were pronounceable we'd have probably done that too haha.
click to expand
details
Posted by krysrenee7
I don't think the whole "parent issues" thing is black and white. I don't believe that you should run just b/c someone says, "I don't get along with my father." It all depends on WHY the relationship is severed or turbulent. And most important, it all depends on how each person has choosen to allow that broken/severed relationship to affect them.

I agree 100% . And allowing the hate to sit and fester for years is not a good way to allow that severed/broken parental relationship to effect them. I don't think people should run if the person they are talking to doesn't get along with their parents, there are many good reason to cut that tie. One thing I think some childhood victims need to realize is that they are not that child anymore and they are only a victim if they allow it now. Bad shit happens to us all, it's what we chose to do with ourselves that matters.
details
*shrug* I hate my father. Absolutely despise him with the force of a million fiery suns. And it's better than he deserves.
However, I didn't want to become an actual man-hater, what a sad way to be.. but certain things were starting to trigger it... so I set out to change that. I've dealt with my past, though it took years of counseling/therapy (not very effective, but perhaps laid the groundwork).. years of struggle and introspection, and being a big fan of self-help and bettering yourself. I WAS a mess in my younger years, but there's always room for improvement, and I never stop striving to be better than I was before. My hatred is still there, but it doesn't drive me. He'll die before too much longer.
Someone on here thinks I hate all Scorpios, and that it's because of my father. Not true... I simply don't think very highly of certain peeps, generally the psychos and attention whores -- but it's got nothing to do with them being Scorpios or Leos or Caps or little green aliens... and more to do with them being the type of person I'd rather not get chummy with. To each their own, and it's got nothing to do with their Sun. I certainly don't hate or think all Caps are like my ex-husband, and I don't think all Scorps are like my father. I HATE only ONE person in this entire world... he happens to be a Scorpio, though I intrinsically understand and usually adore Scorps.. my Scorp brother IS my fave, very closely followed by my Libra brother. I have Scorp friends, and they're great. I've dated several Scorps over the years, I have good memories of them, no resentment at all - and though it didn't work out for various reasons, it wasn't because of my hatred for one Scorpio.
So. Does my hatred of my father make me "undateable" or a bad investment for a relationship? Probably in the past, I'm big enough to admit that. There was a lot of baggage to let go of. Aries Venus probably didn't help haha But if a man were to ask if I hated my father, hear that I do, and decide to bail.. without getting to know me better, or seeing what I'm really like in spite of that.. well, he might be missing out on what could be amazing. *shrug* But that's okay.. I wouldn't want a man so quick to judge and assume, so rigid and inflexible, so stuck inside his little box.
Incidentally, I call my daughters "Princess" and "Baby Girl" .. neither are high-maintenance crazy bitches.. though "Princess" certainly has standards and won't settle for bs! lol
details
Posted by size zero superhero
Frankly, what stands out negatively is the implication that women with unfortunate family lives are of lower market-value than those with a pleasant family dynamic. The theory in itself is faulty, moreso than any questioning involved. It doesn't include men and discourages making room for exceptions, IMO.

Having a good or bad history isn't where the problem is though. The issue is how the person has grown from/past those experiences. If your dad welcomed you home by tossing you down a flight of stairs everyday, I'd recommend not being around your dad. But to still HATE 10-20 years later... that's a bad sign. And of course this can be said about guys too, it was originally stated as women and their fathers because the OP is a male restating advice given to him. His aunt wasn't giving him advice about his next boyfriend.
details
Posted by LibraSid
Posted by size zero superhero
Frankly, what stands out negatively is the implication that women with unfortunate family lives are of lower market-value than those with a pleasant family dynamic. The theory in itself is faulty, moreso than any questioning involved. It doesn't include men and discourages making room for exceptions, IMO.

Having a good or bad history isn't where the problem is though. The issue is how the person has grown from/past those experiences. If your dad welcomed you home by tossing you down a flight of stairs everyday, I'd recommend not being around your dad. But to still HATE 10-20 years later... that's a bad sign. And of course this can be said about guys too, it was originally stated as women and their fathers because the OP is a male restating advice given to him. His aunt wasn't giving him advice about his next boyfriend.
click to expand


Sure. He didn't really write it that way though.

And yes at one point we all have to say to ourselves " It may not be our fault but it is our problem "
details
Posted by CappyyLuv30
Posted by Sagittarius89

Oh what? And it can't be reversed with the mom calling her son prince? Get over yourself. Stop blaming woman for everything. Men are just as fucked up.



OMG my sister had a boyfriend like that. Biggest spoiled brat ON EARTH! I hated that guy from day 1. She never listened to me when I would tell her though....love is a powerful drug.

Posted by LibraSid
Posted by Sagittarius89
Also, this isn't best advice. It's common sense.

Most of the best advice is common sense. People seem to forget the easy stuff when we like someone. We get all stupid and justify things we shouldn't and make excuses for stuff that should signal us to run for the hills.


LOL yeah.....damn emotions. Smh.
click to expand



YES THEY ARE lol
details
Posted by LibraSid
Posted by Sagittarius89
Also, this isn't best advice. It's common sense.

Most of the best advice is common sense. People seem to forget the easy stuff when we like someone. We get all stupid and justify things we shouldn't and make excuses for stuff that should signal us to run for the hills.
click to expand


Well everyone has problems.
details
Posted by wgamador
So if we come from broken homes....forget us and run the other way ?
Nice.


Wow, Wgamador! ..lol.. I was thinking the EXACT same thing ..lol.. but now I'll read on, just had to stop and say that!
smile
details
Posted by BelovedAssata
How about this...this is how I see your approach playing out in my head..
After the 1st date.
BA: Hi, I think you're a cool guy, we should really do this again.
FlyingBurrito: Yah, I had fun...so, how is your relationship with your father?
BA: Uh, what?
FlyingBurrito: Sorry let me rephrase, how would you describe your relationship with your father?
BA: Uh, pretty good, I guess. Though he was a hard ass at times.
FlyingBurrito: Great. *writes in notepad without BA looking* Have a good night!! Let's do this next saturday.
BA: Cool.

After the fifth date.
BA: Yah, You're really fun to hang out with. I can sort of picture myself be in a relationship with you...
FlyingBurrito: Yah, about that...you said your relationship with your father was hard at times..could you describe please?
BA: Uh....what?
FlyingBurrito: Just answer the question.

This actually made me laugh out loud!!!!!!!
BA: He....accused me of things I didn't do...
FlyingBurrito: And How did that make you feel?
BA: Mad?
FlyingBurrito: Great. *writes in notepad* and have you ever told your father how you felt about this?
BA: What are you doing? What's the relevance of asking me this? this is pretty creepy..
FlyingBurrito: Great. *writes*..."getting defensive when asked about feelings of her father"
BA: What are you writing?
FlyingBurrito: *writes* "feeling suspicious from my questions as if she's trying to hide something"
BA: Dude, seriously, what are you writing?
FlyingBurrito: So have you ever thought of getting counseling for the issues you have with your father?
BA: Yah, I'm going to go now. Weirdo.
FlyingBurrito: *writes* "Found yet another wolf in good girl's clothing. Where are all the good women at?"

details
That above actually made me laugh out loud-- so loud!!!!!!
details
Well, this thread blew up while I was out and about. BTW its beautiful out down here in the south today.
So many things to address but limited to posting space.
Beloved seriously? I mean seriously? Like Im going out on a date with a notepad. Secondly, I would only ask a personal question such as that if we've been dating a while and a small amount of intimacy had been established already.
I would tell her things about my life first before daring to ask that question.
Its a slow process of getting to know someone. Im not going to go wham, bam about it every occasion I see them BTW Sag89, please read my posts instead of just skimming them and going all sorts of pissed.
I did mention already that it goes both ways with sexes if their parental relationships are bad. Sag89 you're right, it also goes the same way if a man gets called Prince or nicknames similar to that.
But guess what, even though that kind of nickname thing happens with men, it doesnt occur as much as it does with women. The other thing people completely missed from my previous post was the fact Im not gonna ditch someone just cause they have family issues.
I WILL though ditch someone if they havent yet or refuse to get help for their issues. As Librasid said, its one thing to be that way when young. But when you're older in 30's, that crap needs to be let go or treated. Cause otherwise your significant other ends up paying for it.
My cap ex treated me horribly because her father was a jackass. So that is why I felt my relatives advice was dead on target. I let her ride roughshod over me for a long time based on that issue. Till I got sanity and realized and she needed to start taking responibility for her behavior instead of using baggage as excuse to take it out on me.
The only mistake I felt with this post was not making the idea universal in terms of it being both men and women in this situation. But tell me, how politically correct are you gonna be at 3 in the morning half-awake? The times I tend to log on here is in the middle of the night.
Im already tired and beat by then. So Im not necessarily Mister Congeniality of the year at that stage. But Im actually in a good state of mind right now. No more surgeries, two potential love interests. Im happy, happy, joy joy!
details

Leave Your Feedback

We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.

Home Astrology Comments Forums Search

©1997-2025 dxpnet.com. All Rights Reserved.
Advertising Contact Terms of Use Privacy Policy