Can men and women be friends?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by ScorpSage on Sunday, September 12, 2010 and has 19 replies.
Do you have a friend(s) of the opposite sex?
For this to work...you need to tell the truth about how you felt or feel about them?
I personnally don't think that men and women can be friends...if it doesn't go both ways, there will always be one that will be attracted to the other one.
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Most of my male friends i have ended up fooling around with at some point, it doesnt really get awkward for me but a few of them have acted weird with me after. I prefer male company so most of my frieds tend to be male, but i also dont think its weird to sleep with you friends so who knows?! I dont have feelings for them other then friendship, maybe they all secretely like me? lol but if they do they have never voiced this.
I am always told that I act quite masculine infact it is not unless (on very very rare occasions) i get slightly emotional about something that my friends remember i am a girl!
My ex fiance is my best friend, he openly admits he's still in love with me, i just love him as a friend, we make it work but sometimes i get the feeling that he believes there is still hope for the relationship.
Platonic friendship can work but think it just completely depends on the people involved.
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Posted by ScorpSage
Do you have a friend(s) of the opposite sex?
For this to work...you need to tell the truth about how you felt or feel about them?
I personnally don't think that men and women can be friends...if it doesn't go both ways, there will always be one that will be attracted to the other one.



Me too, I have a lot of male friends and I'm totally platonic with them. Sometimes when they come to visit Cali, they stay with me and we sleep on the same bed (because no one wants to sleep on the couch, LOL) and that's fine. I can do that, no fooling around BUT it takes getting used to because the first night, I couldn't sleep and was way horny. Of course, I realize that it's just because he's MALE. That's all.
I find it curious though why women think this "just friends" with men works and most males don't think it's possible. I don't think my male friends have a thing for me. It's more like brother and sister and they're the pesky big brother.
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My answer is YES. Is it 100% possible? YES. BUT, is it usually impossible for the average person? YES. And here's why:
First off, people pick their friends in the same way they'd look for a partner.
-For example: Men/women, when looking for friends, they often search for those who are attractive and/or are "their type" (Even though how that person looks technically shouldn't matter)
-People look for those who they have alot in common with (and even though this is a good thing, 1 of the major reasons 2 people decide to become intimate in the 1st place are b/c of certain similarities they both can identify with).
-And people are doing things with their friends the same way they'd engage in things with someone who was actually their partner (E.I. Cuddling, having sex, spending a bundle of time together, etc.)
If someone does all 3 of these things (which most people do) with someone of the opposite sex, it's only natural that feelings will eventually get involved, thus no longer making the friendship PLATONIC.
The only times I see 2 people actually maintaining a platonic friendship is when they've both known eachother for years & years, AND also met at a time when they were happy & content with other people.
If you're only seeking friends b/c you're lonely, just got over an ex, and/or can't find yourself, there's a big possibility that they'd end up surpassing the platonic stage. It all depends on WHY someone is/was looking for friendship in the 1st place. Plus it also depends on WHERE 2 people met & HOW their friendship came about.
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haha I like what's above me.
I think it's possible. I've had a best guy friend of 4 years now. We've never fooled around. BUt we have thought of it. We've flirted. I knew he liked me for a LONG time. And at one point I liked him but didn't let him know. We don't talk often but it's good to hear from eachother every now and then. I do love him and trust him with my life! And I feel like if we ever even come close to kissing things would turn around for me and I'd fall and NOT know how to stand up again. We just can't date for certain reasons. And he's going to college out of state so I'm just keeping my distance.
Friends of friends however are easier. I think as long as I don't find an attraction to a guy I wont have an ounce of feelings. It's not tough though. Even with an attractive male, as long as I decide that this IS going to be friends only, then it will stay that way. No fooling, just flirting for me Winking
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eh, me and bestfriend are very close. known for about 10 years, he used to like me back in high school but those feelings have faded. i have zero romantic feelings for him and i know the feeling is mutual; he's pretty obvious when he likes a girl. we're incompatible in a romantic sense so i think that helps. my other close male friends we've each in the beginning may have had feelings whether romantic or just purely lustful back then but we know eachother too well and again, incompatible in a romantic sense for any of us to start anything.
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All of my friends are of the opposite sex, so yes it's possible. I don't feel like a desperately need to nail them and in return I get their friendship. Nice, huh Winking
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Problem is, 1 person can come into a situation with completely righteous intentions, BUT b/c we can NEVER control someone else, the other person could very well easily come in & mess things up. And once 1 person tries/wants to take the friendship past a platonic level, the friendship is no longer platonic, no matter how hard/much the other person wishes it was. BOTH people have to agree to and/or act on the friendship being platonic. THAT is the hardest thing & what is usually impossible, especially over time.
Even if 2 people up front establish that the friendship shall be platonic, there's no telling how each person will feel about one another as time goes on. 2 people might start out a friendship being okay with a platonic friendship, BUT so many things can happen over time that change things. Most friendships actually start out platonic so it IS possible for me & women to be strictly platonic friends. BUT, after a while, something happens.
If people knew how to separate what they do with their platonic friends from what they do with those who are more than friends, people wouldn't be so confused.
If you're:
-Cuddling with your "friend" at night, it's already PASSED platonic
-If you're having sex with your "friend" (whether it's every blue moon or on a daily basis), it's already PASSED platonic
-If you're engaging in ANY conduct with your "friend" that you couldn't engage in persay you got into a relationship with someone else, that's a HUGE SIGN that the friendship is NOT platonic!
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I have a couple of guy friends, there's never been anything on either side. Depends on the individuals involved imo.
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Yes, they can! I have two bestfriends, one scorpio and one virgo...The scorpio had a crush for me, and still does..But I don't feel anything for him, I am not attracted to him at all., the same with the virgo..I have known him since 6th grade...No feelings there either. But did I ever try to think of them romantically? Yes, I did..But I came to a conclusion that I didnt like that feeling...I like them as my brothers, and it was kind of disgusting to think of them romantically..
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Absolutely they can just be friends! I have tons of male friends. Way more than I do females. I find most females to be too dramatic and catty.... The female friends that I do have, have been in my life for YEARS... and are a lot like me..... have more male friends than female. I just think it comes down to personalities. But definitely possible.
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Posted by DyTryin

SS: there will always be one that will be attracted to the other one
Yep.
Men & Women are two separate species - sex / sexual attraction is what brings us together.


Very true Dy, but it doesnt mean they cant just be friends too. Neither has to act upon the sexual attraction. Ive experienced extreme sexual attraction to many of my male friends (cause most of them are smoking hot) and vice versa... but it doesnt mean you have to cross the threshold into a romantic relationship.
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Posted by krysrenee7
My answer is YES. Is it 100% possible? YES. BUT, is it usually impossible for the average person? YES. And here's why:
First off, people pick their friends in the same way they'd look for a partner.
-For example: Men/women, when looking for friends, they often search for those who are attractive and/or are "their type" (Even though how that person looks technically shouldn't matter)
-People look for those who they have alot in common with (and even though this is a good thing, 1 of the major reasons 2 people decide to become intimate in the 1st place are b/c of certain similarities they both can identify with).
-And people are doing things with their friends the same way they'd engage in things with someone who was actually their partner (E.I. Cuddling, having sex, spending a bundle of time together, etc.)
If someone does all 3 of these things (which most people do) with someone of the opposite sex, it's only natural that feelings will eventually get involved, thus no longer making the friendship PLATONIC.
The only times I see 2 people actually maintaining a platonic friendship is when they've both known eachother for years & years, AND also met at a time when they were happy & content with other people.
If you're only seeking friends b/c you're lonely, just got over an ex, and/or can't find yourself, there's a big possibility that they'd end up surpassing the platonic stage. It all depends on WHY someone is/was looking for friendship in the 1st place. Plus it also depends on WHERE 2 people met & HOW their friendship came about.



No. Those are called "friends with benefits". A person doesn't usually fool around with a friend. Befriending a person and then putting the moves is called "deception." Feelings might appear within a relationship, but most people befriend people they don't find attractive. Can you imagine what it would feel like for an average guy to befriend Angelina Jolie?
If the guy was at the level of Angelina's beauty, things could go that way, but most people find friendship in people with the same level of beauty. This is why we hear of so many guys complaining that they girl they love - their friend - doesn't care about how sweet he is, how much he feels for her, that she's dating the jerk(the hot guy).
No. Men and women cannot be friends because most males are attracted to most females while most females ar
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No. Men and women cannot be friends because most males are attracted to most females while most females aren't attracted to most males and that means a lot of broken hearts(for the guys).
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The large majority of my friends are male, not that I don't have female friends, because I do; however, I tend to enjoy my male friends a helluva' a lot more. Out of approximately a dozen guys I've been friends with for a long, long time; I've only messed around with 2 of them.
My male friends are like my brothers, and they do anything for me and vice versa, but when they are in relationships, I respect the women they are dating and do not place any unusual demands on them; nor do I just blow up their phones, etc. With that being said, when my female friends are dating someone, I don't blow up their phones either, because I know how people are in the "honeymoon" stage of relationships, so I wait until they come down off their clouds and reach out to me. LOL. It's better that way. In general though, I don't typically call people, they usually call or text me smile
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I think so, I've had many female friends that I wasn't sexually interested in, and even a few that I was but didn't feel a need to "push" it. I'm actually the kind of guy who'd rather be friends first anyway, I don't like to jump straight into a relationship or sex, I like to be friends first and if things develop more, great! If not, I have a new friend anyway!
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NO! I want all my male friends, and YOURS TOO! LOL Kidding.
Of course men and women can be friends, but I would honestly be surprised if want wasn't on one side or both. Even fleetingly.
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"...most people find friendship in people with the same level of beauty..."
really? i seriously must not be like most people if that's the case. no joke. most of the people i've ever befriended, consistently throughout my life, have not been on the same "level" of beauty. i don't care if i sound full of myself. it's not because i needed to feel better about myself but that's just how it was and still is. it's ALL about the personality from a friendship stance. whoever is cool and doesn't suffer from pretty-person-syndrome is ok in my book! the people to whom i get close are usually outcasts, underdogs, and functional weirdos so these types tend not to be beautiful by society's standards nor in a traditional sense.
my romantic partner, however, needs to be on the same level or higher if you will. yeah. i need to find him physically alluring and that's that.
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Nope. We can pretend to be friends with someone, but really it's a case of either...You're interesting, but I don't want to cuddle up with you OR....You're interesting, and I'm DYING to cuddle up with you, but I can't because of A,B, or C.
In both heads this is going on, so you get four permutations. He does, she doesn't. She does, he doesn't. They both don't. They both do.
If they both DON'T have an immediate attraction, and spend time together due to probably peripheral friendships or work or whatever, they'll either develop dislike or attraction based on deeper knowledge.
I have a friend who I never thought of in that way because we were in other relationships always. We ran into each other, single, talked, texted, lunched, phoned.....BAM!!! I suddenly realized he was smoking hot, and he said ditto.
We couldn't stand it. I had this feeling that we'd ruin the friendship forever if we went through it, or else I'd fall deeply in love and he would let me crunch the ground...I backed out.
Now we're not really in touch, but we SAY we are friends.
So, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Men and women ARE NOT friends. We are ALWAYS in some sort of circling, prancing, sizing up dance.
Don't lie to yourselves or your so-called "friends."
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