Couples that Don't Fight

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by truecap on Friday, February 21, 2014 and has 30 replies.
CCouples who don't argue, don't fight, when they do disagree or misunderstand it's very minor and easily resolved. Is this good or bad for relationships?
I'm not talking about minor disagreements or understandings, everyone has those. It's how these things can escalate into shouting, screaming matches, couples not speaking, getting all out mad at each other, hurt feelings, etc. Then the make up and things get worked out and understanding takes place, then all is good - until the next fight.
Are fights healthy?
Or is it healthier to be able to logically discuss issues and not fight?
Any opinions on the subject?
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But what it it's not cold. They just get along that well and don't fight?
Like one says "hey, that bothers me...." The other says "I didn't realize it bothered you"
And they just work with each other and it gets resolved.
vs.
One snaps rudely "Damnit! You are getting on my last nerve with that...." The other says "well, you do this and you drive me crazy" Then it escalates until doors are slammed, harsh words being said.
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I have yet to figure it out.
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I love fiery relationships. No physical violence, just fireworks everywhere. Bang, bang, bang, baby.
The other one sounds boring.
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Posted by truecap
CCouples who don't argue, don't fight, when they do disagree or misunderstand it's very minor and easily resolved. Is this good or bad for relationships?
I'm not talking about minor disagreements or understandings, everyone has those. It's how these things can escalate into shouting, screaming matches, couples not speaking, getting all out mad at each other, hurt feelings, etc. Then the make up and things get worked out and understanding takes place, then all is good - until the next fight.
Are fights healthy?
Or is it healthier to be able to logically discuss issues and not fight?
Any opinions on the subject?



Passion +1
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Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
Posted by WaterCup
I love fiery relationships. No physical violence, just fireworks everywhere. Bang, bang, bang, baby.
The other one sounds boring.


+1
it's nice to get along but it's also nice when there is some friction.

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Yes, it makes things more exciting. I wouldn't know how to deal with a guy that calmly says, "Let's talk about it". Every single time. I want craziness every now & then.
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We have disagreements all the time, but I wouldn't say we "fight". We don't call names or blame each other for stuff but sometimes it can get heated when we disagree. Like we raise our voices, we get passionate. But we fight fair. We've never had a screaming match and we've never gone without speaking to each other. I would say its healthy.
I don't think it's healthy to never disagree. I think that probably means someone is holding back.
I never used to fight or even argue with anyone. I used to keep everything in and I was unhappy a lot, it would eventually come out when. I would blow up.
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Yeah, I was that way too. It's not healthy to just get along.
My exhusband and I fought all the time until hurtful things were said that we couldn't take back. That's not healthy either.
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I see what yall mean when you say it would be boring. But if they have laughter, adventure, passionate sex and bring excitement through shared experiences and fun, then I don't think it would be boring. So in-tuned to each other they just don't disagree that often.
Then again, I wonder if couples that don't fight just aren't bringing up issues that should be brought up.
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Agreed. My ex husband was mean too and he would really put me down and say horrible things to me. Sad
The Scorp never does that. I wouldn't put up with that anymore.
The Scorp reminds me of my (Cancer) dad; he might get upset and we might argue about something, but he never says mean things, and there are always hugs when it's over, lol.
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Posted by capgirl69
Agreed. My ex husband was mean too and he would really put me down and say horrible things to me. Sad
The Scorp never does that. I wouldn't put up with that anymore.
The Scorp reminds me of my (Cancer) dad; he might get upset and we might argue about something, but he never says mean things, and there are always hugs when it's over, lol.


That's healthy!
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Posted by Aesma
Posted by truecap
But what it it's not cold. They just get along that well and don't fight?
Like one says "hey, that bothers me...." The other says "I didn't realize it bothered you"
And they just work with each other and it gets resolved.
vs.
One snaps rudely "Damnit! You are getting on my last nerve with that...." The other says "well, you do this and you drive me crazy" Then it escalates until doors are slammed, harsh words being said.



Both happens to me and my pisces. It depends on our mood. The only thing consistent is most of the time, we end up laughing at the middle of the argument when we realize that sometimes, we're actually saying the same thing but in different ways so it gets misconstrued or when we realize it's just our typical personality that's getting in the way and making us 'stubborn' while arguing. Those are instances that we laugh about.
I think it's healthy to argue sometimes but they keypoint is fighting fair and still be able to laugh afterwards. I find it funny when he walks out of the room saying he needs space but 2 mins later he'd come back. Then we just laugh it off.
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That's healthy too!
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Definitely not healthy to ALWAYS fight bc that means that ur just not compatible together, but every once in a while is fine as long as it not the name calling, defamation of character, "I never really liked you" kind of argument. Being an Aries, it's like I live to argue bc I go back and forth with everyone just about, even though it's a hard pill to swallow when they're right! But an arugment every now and then with my babe is always mentally stimulating, and he's a Gemini so it can last all day, but a lot of the times *clears throar* HE IS right (which I'll never tell him Tongue), I just like to get my point across so I don't trip on it!
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Posted by truecap
But what it it's not cold. They just get along that well and don't fight?
Like one says "hey, that bothers me...." The other says "I didn't realize it bothered you"
And they just work with each other and it gets resolved.
vs.
One snaps rudely "Damnit! You are getting on my last nerve with that...." The other says "well, you do this and you drive me crazy" Then it escalates until doors are slammed, harsh words being said.



I don't see why the latter is necessary.
My Scorp and I don't fight. (Unless u count bed wrestling matches Devil) We do pretty much the former option you wrote.
If we are expressing ourselves, resolving disagreements frankly and respectfully, and are happily engaged (in all senses of the word), what is the purpose of histrionic fights?
I think a lot of people think that "couples are SUPPOSED to fight", so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As for "passion"? Feh. That tends to be a euphemism for drama, IMO.
There are much more positive ways to express real passion. ???
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My husband and I don't fight.
When a disagreement arises ... we sort it out.
There's a lot of my friends who can't do that ... they simply ignore everything until the day comes that they cannot stand tolerance any longer and so engage the other in battle.
Seems juvenile to me ... why not have healthy dialogues, in which address the issue?
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In two years, aqua and I have not gotten into a fight. We bring up issues at the get go. Once we had a misunderstanding, but were able to talk about it and it was fine. It's nice, it's peaceful and there is no drama.
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Posted by WaterCup
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
Posted by WaterCup
I love fiery relationships. No physical violence, just fireworks everywhere. Bang, bang, bang, baby.
The other one sounds boring.


+1
it's nice to get along but it's also nice when there is some friction.



Yes, it makes things more exciting. I wouldn't know how to deal with a guy that calmly says, "Let's talk about it". Every single time. I want craziness every now & then.
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"Let's talk about it" is a little too condescendingly PC/"calm" for my liking. Seems like something that Barney, Big Bird or whoever's the closet pedobear flavor of the generation would say.
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In my relationships we take a break from whatever feelings of anger arise and then we discuss it calmly. Both partners should be committed to understanding the other's point of view and maybe humbling themselves a little...because people seem to fight out of ego and not try to get to a common goal/ to find a solution.
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that sounds amazing. sign me up
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all i know for a fact is thank the gods that my husband is no sycophant.
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Man I'd love a no drama relationship. You women want the very things you complain about. Such hypocrites!
Tongue
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I used to think I would like to be in a r/s where there was no fighting.
My ex hub (Cancer) was always pushing the bar in our marriage. Wanted to do whatever he wanted to do and I would get so enraged with him and we would have occassional knock down, drag out fights. Of course I knew he could really beat me if he wanted to but it felt good to fight with him. We never started drama in front of others though, I would just tuck it in my back pocket and save it for later. He could go off on a rant w/me too when he was drinking...wasn't good for my kids to see when they were younger Sad
My ex bf (Aries) NEVER wanted to argue. Any type of disagreement we had was through text. There weren't many, but I was the vocal one, he hated confrontation of any kind. UGH. I just feel a LITTLE arguement/disagreement cleanses the soul?? When I would tell him how I felt, he would just say 'ok' and then act like nothing happened. I dunno, I just felt like i was the crazy one.
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I agree. I wanna argue! I wanna fight! At least once in a while smile At least I'll know you're not a robot and you DO have feelings! Everything just got swept under the rug...sigh...not good.
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It is really interesting how different couples make it work. I think some fighting is healthy.
We try not to argue, but we love to debate.
And sometimes we get snippy with each other.
Every now and then we have a genuine Jerry Springer moment... almost always behind closed doors. We make-up quickly. Keeps us passionate.
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I prefer not arguing. My first two serious relationships were filled with arguments and my current relationship is not. I see no benefits of arguing. I've argued my life away with parents and people I don't agree with and jeez, I need a break. Arguments are not fun to me. They make me angry and unhappy which I can't, and didn't, see helping the relationship. I'm trying to make myself a better person so I want to be surrounded by people who don't make me pissed off. Those people who aren't argumentative make me appreciate them more. I was more inclined to be nasty and mean to my exes who argued while I'm not that way to my current s/o. If my relationships didn't consist of frequent arguments, I probably would already be married, honestly. I understand we're talking about small arguments every now and again. It's more common than not to have these occur, but I would never say 'we never argue and I think if we did, it would benefit our relationship'.
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Had an argument with the capi recently with me venting as couldn't keep it in any longer. Felt like he'd been ignoring me n lying about doing things he said he would. In the end I told him to shove it n tell it to someone who cares...
Everyone has work but when you don't make time for your loved ones communication issues occur and they hear the same thing over and over how work is busy something has to give. It's usually the relationship.
However I do have deep feelings for him n it's more about how we don't communicate. I asked him how I could make him understand and try things my way. This got his attention n he said not to argue or bring up things from the past n then he will try things my way. We had a long talk n he will try things my way - yay!!
Now he wants a reward lol without having actually doing what he said he will
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I was watching a episode of Supernatural where whenever a person said, "I just want the truth" and that is exactly what they got. One man was describing to another man his wife's aging and how he was becoming disgusted with her wrinkling sagging skin.
I'm sure that he would never tell his wife how he really felt. Or, would he? I guess somethings are better said when walking out the door, or trying to. Never arguing? For some reason, this would make me uneasy.
I guess the show, "Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry," and other shows with a similar themes, come to mind... and, real life situations from friends and family. A friend had the most appeasing husband. She found out a Pandora's box of misdeeds after her divorce to include that he slept with a friend in their bed a week before there wedding. She found out 25 years after the fact. The funny thing is the reasons why she got a divorce paled in comparison to what she found out afterward.
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Posted by VenusAquarius
I was watching a episode of Supernatural where whenever a person said, "I just want the truth" and that is exactly what they got. One man was describing to another man his wife's aging and how he was becoming disgusted with her wrinkling sagging skin.
I'm sure that he would never tell his wife how he really felt. Or, would he? I guess somethings are better said when walking out the door, or trying to. Never arguing? For some reason, this would make me uneasy.
I guess the show, "Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry," and other shows with a similar themes, come to mind... and, real life situations from friends and family. A friend had the most appeasing husband. She found out a Pandora's box of misdeeds after her divorce to include that he slept with a friend in their bed a week before there wedding. She found out 25 years after the fact. The funny thing is the reasons why she got a divorce paled in comparison to what she found out afterward.



what film is that about the Pandora's box?
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I saw it on BBC.
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Posted by VenusAquarius
I saw it on BBC.


what was the name of the film?
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