Drug Recovery and Loss of Loving Relationship
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by RyLoranger1 on Sunday, September 14, 2014 and has 7 replies.
Hello,
I'm Ryan. I hope someone can help. I'm going to be completely honest during this post. I have a drug addiction to cocaine and marijuana which I hid from my girlfriend. She had no idea about it. Eventually, I needed help and didn't want to lie anymore, so came clean. Since, I have completed an IOP program and gone to Narcotics Anonymous meetings regularly. I have a sponsor and do stepwork regularly. I'm 51 days clean today. I have been very positive during my withdrawals and have not lashed out at her at all. I never have either because I love her. So, everything was going in the right direction, and she was supporting me. She told me she was proud of me all the time and wrote me cards telling me she knew I could do it forever. However, a few weeks ago her attitude and personality completely changed. She disconnected from me. I'm not sure what happened because she doesn't communicate with me when something is wrong. I must add that she also has a lot of issues going on with her sister, depression about her parents going back to Florida for the winter, and her eating disorder pretty much being in full effect again. She pretty much stopped communicating with me so I really haven't known what was going on with her unless she lashed out at me, which she never used to do. I've been trying everything to save this relationship but she says she doesn't think she can trust me 15 years from now because of my drug addiction. She says I'm self-centered. But, she gets jealous that her sister is home this summer which has caused her less time to spend with her parents. If anything, she seems like the self centered one to me. Also, her sister moved in with her after being raped in Florida. To make matters worse, I think her sister was jealous of our wonderful relationship. As a way to outlet her being raped, she spread rumors that I was spreading rumors she was raped, which is completely untrue. She said that my friend told her via facebook message, however, she has never showed my gf the messages. And, my friend still had his message with her and it was no where to be seen. The other thing is that she says drugs go against her morals but she used to do coke and weed substantially with an ex bf in the past. So, I'm not sure if your morals can just change like that? Anyways, she broke up with me last night for all these reasons. I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do. I don't plan to use or hurt myself. I just really wish I could
I'm Ryan. I hope someone can help. I'm going to be completely honest during this post. I have a drug addiction to cocaine and marijuana which I hid from my girlfriend. She had no idea about it. Eventually, I needed help and didn't want to lie anymore, so came clean. Since, I have completed an IOP program and gone to Narcotics Anonymous meetings regularly. I have a sponsor and do stepwork regularly. I'm 51 days clean today. I have been very positive during my withdrawals and have not lashed out at her at all. I never have either because I love her. So, everything was going in the right direction, and she was supporting me. She told me she was proud of me all the time and wrote me cards telling me she knew I could do it forever. However, a few weeks ago her attitude and personality completely changed. She disconnected from me. I'm not sure what happened because she doesn't communicate with me when something is wrong. I must add that she also has a lot of issues going on with her sister, depression about her parents going back to Florida for the winter, and her eating disorder pretty much being in full effect again. She pretty much stopped communicating with me so I really haven't known what was going on with her unless she lashed out at me, which she never used to do. I've been trying everything to save this relationship but she says she doesn't think she can trust me 15 years from now because of my drug addiction. She says I'm self-centered. But, she gets jealous that her sister is home this summer which has caused her less time to spend with her parents. If anything, she seems like the self centered one to me. Also, her sister moved in with her after being raped in Florida. To make matters worse, I think her sister was jealous of our wonderful relationship. As a way to outlet her being raped, she spread rumors that I was spreading rumors she was raped, which is completely untrue. She said that my friend told her via facebook message, however, she has never showed my gf the messages. And, my friend still had his message with her and it was no where to be seen. The other thing is that she says drugs go against her morals but she used to do coke and weed substantially with an ex bf in the past. So, I'm not sure if your morals can just change like that? Anyways, she broke up with me last night for all these reasons. I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do. I don't plan to use or hurt myself. I just really wish I could
Posted by RyLoranger1
Hello,
I'm Ryan. I hope someone can help. I'm going to be completely honest during this post. I have a drug addiction to cocaine and marijuana which I hid from my girlfriend. She had no idea about it. Eventually, I needed help and didn't want to lie anymore, so came clean. Since, I have completed an IOP program and gone to Narcotics Anonymous meetings regularly. I have a sponsor and do stepwork regularly. I'm 51 days clean today.
Congratulations.
Posted by RyLoranger1
I have been very positive during my withdrawals and have not lashed out at her at all. I never have either because I love her. So, everything was going in the right direction, and she was supporting me. She told me she was proud of me all the time and wrote me cards telling me she knew I could do it forever. However, a few weeks ago her attitude and personality completely changed. She disconnected from me. I'm not sure what happened because she doesn't communicate with me when something is wrong. I must add that she also has a lot of issues going on with her sister, depression about her parents going back to Florida for the winter, and her eating disorder pretty much being in full effect again.click to expand
May as well stop right here.
I'm sure you've heard of co-dependency.
You're in recovery-- but your gf is still sick.
I believe it's tied into this, heavily-- and she's blaming you, instead of looking at herself-- which
now that you're getting better is probably difficult for her to overlook.
She needs to get help.
It isn't your fault... but maybe understand that she's wrestling her demons, now.
Your sponsor will probably agree when you tell him, too.
For now, the best thing you can do is lead by example-- don't get caught in the drama, if you can help it.
Hi Ryan and firstly, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! you should be very proud of the progress you have made. Keep going??_..it will change your life for the better! My son is an addict and has been clean now for 16 months, and I couldn't be prouder!
C0-dependency, as another poster mentioned, is truly troublesome with addicts, mental health, medical issues, etc. While my son was in recovery, his father, brother and myself attended a support for others group, facilitated by Addiction Services. It was very helpful and taught us so much. We also read a book called Co-Dependent No More, author: Melanie Beattie. My ex-husband is an alcoholic, and my son lived with his dad for about 5 years, when I could no longer handle his behaviour, because with addiction, there are often times criminal behaviours as well. So, they were very co-dependent on one another. My son's father will be sober 2 years Oct 16th. So, they have both come very far.
Don't let anyone get in the way of your progress. Perhaps seek out a support group for your girlfriend, but as was stated, she also needs support for her problem. There are also eating disorder clinics and groups.
As for her sister, haters are gonna hate. Don't let them stop you from accomplishing your goals. Stress can be a huge trigger when in recovery. It is great that you have a sponsor to depend on and talk with if the need arises.
again, big Congrats to you!!!!! Keep doing what you are doing to get healthy and live a better life! : )
C0-dependency, as another poster mentioned, is truly troublesome with addicts, mental health, medical issues, etc. While my son was in recovery, his father, brother and myself attended a support for others group, facilitated by Addiction Services. It was very helpful and taught us so much. We also read a book called Co-Dependent No More, author: Melanie Beattie. My ex-husband is an alcoholic, and my son lived with his dad for about 5 years, when I could no longer handle his behaviour, because with addiction, there are often times criminal behaviours as well. So, they were very co-dependent on one another. My son's father will be sober 2 years Oct 16th. So, they have both come very far.
Don't let anyone get in the way of your progress. Perhaps seek out a support group for your girlfriend, but as was stated, she also needs support for her problem. There are also eating disorder clinics and groups.
As for her sister, haters are gonna hate. Don't let them stop you from accomplishing your goals. Stress can be a huge trigger when in recovery. It is great that you have a sponsor to depend on and talk with if the need arises.
again, big Congrats to you!!!!! Keep doing what you are doing to get healthy and live a better life! : )
that's alot of stuff going on in your life, Ryan.
Yes, a person can change when they want to quit drugs (she said she used to do coke and weed right?). if an alcoholic tries to quit drinking and go to AA meetings and get support, rehab, they don't want to be around people who drink too much either. I've seen it where people can be around casual drinkers although i feel that it is very "tempting" for them. They have a hard time not wanting to "participate".
Also, alot is going on with her life and to pair it with what's going on with yours, it is burdening her immensely.
i agree with xy, she has so much going on. she can't take on yours at the same time. Just keep working on yourself.
Yes, a person can change when they want to quit drugs (she said she used to do coke and weed right?). if an alcoholic tries to quit drinking and go to AA meetings and get support, rehab, they don't want to be around people who drink too much either. I've seen it where people can be around casual drinkers although i feel that it is very "tempting" for them. They have a hard time not wanting to "participate".
Also, alot is going on with her life and to pair it with what's going on with yours, it is burdening her immensely.
i agree with xy, she has so much going on. she can't take on yours at the same time. Just keep working on yourself.
you're also doing alot of changing too btw. So, yes your way of life changes drastically when you quit and want a clean living.
Posted by MontgomeryPosted by RyLoranger1
Hello,
I'm Ryan. I hope someone can help. I'm going to be completely honest during this post. I have a drug addiction to cocaine and marijuana which I hid from my girlfriend. She had no idea about it. Eventually, I needed help and didn't want to lie anymore, so came clean. Since, I have completed an IOP program and gone to Narcotics Anonymous meetings regularly. I have a sponsor and do stepwork regularly. I'm 51 days clean today.
Congratulations.
Posted by RyLoranger1
I have been very positive during my withdrawals and have not lashed out at her at all. I never have either because I love her. So, everything was going in the right direction, and she was supporting me. She told me she was proud of me all the time and wrote me cards telling me she knew I could do it forever. However, a few weeks ago her attitude and personality completely changed. She disconnected from me. I'm not sure what happened because she doesn't communicate with me when something is wrong. I must add that she also has a lot of issues going on with her sister, depression about her parents going back to Florida for the winter, and her eating disorder pretty much being in full effect again.
May as well stop right here.
I'm sure you've heard of co-dependency.
You're in recovery-- but your gf is still sick.
I believe it's tied into this, heavily-- and she's blaming you, instead of looking at herself-- which
now that you're getting better is probably difficult for her to overlook.
She needs to get help.
It isn't your fault... but maybe understand that she's wrestling her demons, now.
Your sponsor will probably agree when you tell him, too.
For now, the best thing you can do is lead by example-- don't get caught in the drama, if you can help it.click to expand
This! Congratulations and keep coming back, because it does work! Please, please call your sponsor and go to a meeting!
Just want to give you a big Congratulations Ryan !!!
That's fantastic and don't give up either.
Remember to use the new networks you've created in Rehab, both at meetings and through fellow recovering addicts etc
Lean on your sponsor, buddy.
(Not your GF)
That's fantastic and don't give up either.
Remember to use the new networks you've created in Rehab, both at meetings and through fellow recovering addicts etc
Lean on your sponsor, buddy.
(Not your GF)
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