Posted by Lionandafish👏
I usually say at the end of the date I'm really sorry and I think you're a really nice guy and you deserve someone nice but I'm not feeling it and I don't want to waste your time or string this along and they're usually really appreciative of the honesty
Posted by WildatHeart
I have always been of the mind that honesty is the best policy and I should treat people the way I'd want to be treated. Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him". I've always thought of ghosting as a really shitty thing to do to someone, but I'm not sure I can spend another minute of my life trying to tell another 45 year old man (in the kindest possible way) that I'm not attracted to him, or that I don't get his sense of humor, or that he plain creeps me out.
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
Alternately, is there a proper way to tell someone you aren't interested without investing so much energy?
Posted by WildatHeart
Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him".
Posted by WildatHeartI don't think its ever ok to ghost someone. That's my opinion.
I have always been of the mind that honesty is the best policy and I should treat people the way I'd want to be treated. Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him". I've always thought of ghosting as a really shitty thing to do to someone, but I'm not sure I can spend another minute of my life trying to tell another 45 year old man (in the kindest possible way) that I'm not attracted to him, or that I don't get his sense of humor, or that he plain creeps me out.
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
Alternately, is there a proper way to tell someone you aren't interested without investing so much energy?
Posted by WildatHeart
I have always been of the mind that honesty is the best policy and I should treat people the way I'd want to be treated. Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him". I've always thought of ghosting as a really shitty thing to do to someone, but I'm not sure I can spend another minute of my life trying to tell another 45 year old man (in the kindest possible way) that I'm not attracted to him, or that I don't get his sense of humor, or that he plain creeps me out.
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
Alternately, is there a proper way to tell someone you aren't interested without investing so much energy?
Posted by WildatHeartBy all means ghost away. You are not responsible for the feelings, thoughts, or actions of others. Most of us in life are trying to progressively become a better version of ourselves. If the energy or personality clashes with your own, kindly cut the cord. We are all adults and to be frank, this world clearly describes unwanted advances as harassment. So.. Just do you and I'm a guy so... It is what it is and it ain't what it ain't..
I have always been of the mind that honesty is the best policy and I should treat people the way I'd want to be treated. Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him". I've always thought of ghosting as a really shitty thing to do to someone, but I'm not sure I can spend another minute of my life trying to tell another 45 year old man (in the kindest possible way) that I'm not attracted to him, or that I don't get his sense of humor, or that he plain creeps me out.
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
Alternately, is there a proper way to tell someone you aren't interested without investing so much energy?
Posted by CreamyPVThis ^^^
If you have expressed disinterest and the person continues to contact you despite the fact that you are no longer responding, then it's not ghosting, its ignoring. That's on them.
However just simply pretending like the person no longer exists and dropping off the planet is a bit harsh. No one is entitled to your time or attention I agree, but it's not necessary to treat people with such little regard.
Posted by LadyNeptuneI can't see the images but this is definitely a huge concern as a single woman. I recently had a lovely phone call with a guy and agreed to a date. The night before the date he texted and I told him I was going out with friends out of town for the evening. I mentioned the town I was going to and that we were getting pizza. The restaurant had a old copper plate ceiling. When I got home I had tons of text messages from him, one telling me that he liked the ceiling at the restaurant. He had googled the town and found the only pizza place there so he that he could see where I was. It totally freaked me out!
ok weird some of them aren't posting. But this is literally so common.
And yes some women get crazy and violent with rejection as well, just in far less numbers then men.
Ultimately protect yourself and do what's best for your comfort levels.
Posted by Enfant-Terrible-III have asked myself that question. I have no problem saying no and I have no problem holding my ground on that no. But the guy is every bit as much of a human being just trying to live a happy life as I am and even if I'm not interested in him it doesn't mean I want to be hurtful.Posted by WildatHeart
Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him".
Nope, no actual excuse to ghost someone. We live in a society.
Ask yourself why YOU find yourself on the receiving end of "hrs of phone calls and texting" when you can just tell them how it is and BLOCK them if they refuse to play ball.
I don't understand why anyone would pit themselves through that over someone they have no interest in. Do u have a problem with saying No?click to expand
Posted by pooface222I like this, it allows me to be kind to them and still take care of me. Thank you!Posted by WildatHeart
I have always been of the mind that honesty is the best policy and I should treat people the way I'd want to be treated. Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him". I've always thought of ghosting as a really shitty thing to do to someone, but I'm not sure I can spend another minute of my life trying to tell another 45 year old man (in the kindest possible way) that I'm not attracted to him, or that I don't get his sense of humor, or that he plain creeps me out.
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
Alternately, is there a proper way to tell someone you aren't interested without investing so much energy?
I don't think its ever ok to ghost someone. That's my opinion.
I think its so rude, and as you said, Shitty, to do to someone.
Its also cowardly too.
I think its best to yell that person upfront that you're not interested - which is what you have been doing anyway.
But if they don't get it, as they dont seem to be from what you have said, tell them, politely, that you're very sorry that you don't feel the same way,.and tell them that you dont want to speak to them any more.
Say that you "don't want to give the wrong impression, so after this call, or message, you won't be hearing from me."
Then don't reply to their messages or calls.
That way you have told them clearly they won't be hearing from you again; therefore ignoring their calls and messages, is ok because you are not actually ghosting them.
You're just following through with what you said you would do.click to expand
Yes! Ok, you guys have given me hope! I was starting to feel like dating was far too much work.
If you have tried to do it the proper way and they still cant take a no for an answer, that is not ghosting. That is shutting the door after you have politely ask them to go.
Posted by LostthoughtsI think it's more that I just don't know the rules. I was married for twenty years and before that in a long term relationship. I'm accustomed to always hearing the other person out. But it just dawned on me after a couple of bad dates that this can't possibly be the way everyone else is doing it.Posted by WildatHeart
I have always been of the mind that honesty is the best policy and I should treat people the way I'd want to be treated. Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him". I've always thought of ghosting as a really shitty thing to do to someone, but I'm not sure I can spend another minute of my life trying to tell another 45 year old man (in the kindest possible way) that I'm not attracted to him, or that I don't get his sense of humor, or that he plain creeps me out.
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
Alternately, is there a proper way to tell someone you aren't interested without investing so much energy?
If they are calling or you call and tell them you are not interested, that is the end of your obligation. How and why do you get stuck in long conversations with them?
Because that's a unusual phenomenon in itself.
Could you elaborate on this please?click to expand
Posted by WildatHeart
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
Posted by Undine
No, it's a sign of immaturity.
Posted by CreamyPV
If you have expressed disinterest and the person continues to contact you despite the fact that you are no longer responding, then it's not ghosting, its ignoring. That's on them.
However just simply pretending like the person no longer exists and dropping off the planet is a bit harsh. No one is entitled to your time or attention I agree, but it's not necessary to treat people with such little regard.
Posted by WildatHeartPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by WildatHeart
I have always been of the mind that honesty is the best policy and I should treat people the way I'd want to be treated. Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him". I've always thought of ghosting as a really shitty thing to do to someone, but I'm not sure I can spend another minute of my life trying to tell another 45 year old man (in the kindest possible way) that I'm not attracted to him, or that I don't get his sense of humor, or that he plain creeps me out.
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
Alternately, is there a proper way to tell someone you aren't interested without investing so much energy?
If they are calling or you call and tell them you are not interested, that is the end of your obligation. How and why do you get stuck in long conversations with them?
Because that's a unusual phenomenon in itself.
Could you elaborate on this please?
I think it's more that I just don't know the rules. I was married for twenty years and before that in a long term relationship. I'm accustomed to always hearing the other person out. But it just dawned on me after a couple of bad dates that this can't possibly be the way everyone else is doing it.click to expand
Posted by WildatHeartPosted by LadyNeptune
ok weird some of them aren't posting. But this is literally so common.
And yes some women get crazy and violent with rejection as well, just in far less numbers then men.
Ultimately protect yourself and do what's best for your comfort levels.
I can't see the images but this is definitely a huge concern as a single woman. I recently had a lovely phone call with a guy and agreed to a date. The night before the date he texted and I told him I was going out with friends out of town for the evening. I mentioned the town I was going to and that we were getting pizza. The restaurant had a old copper plate ceiling. When I got home I had tons of text messages from him, one telling me that he liked the ceiling at the restaurant. He had googled the town and found the only pizza place there so he that he could see where I was. It totally freaked me out!click to expand
Posted by PhoenixRisingValid points, never really considered that it was basically just another level of co-dependency.Posted by WildatHeart
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
It's not.
Your post reads like, you need to learn how to be okay with other people not being okay with your choice. You've stated you will tell these guys you're not interested in a second date, yet for some reason you get roped into these long a** phone calls and text. That suggest that you feel the need to please others.
If you stated "no thank you", then there is no need to go any further and you also can not be accused of "ghosting" because you told them what's up. If they don't want to pick up what you've put down after you've stated "no thanks", that's not your problem and you need to be okay with that. Your only job is to be clear and respectful, and stop answering anymore text or phone calls if you're truly not interested. By responding to anything they have to say past "no thank you, I'm gonna pass", you're sending mixed messages.click to expand
Posted by LostthoughtsI did tell him it felt creepy and he said that he was worried about me in a different town and googled the town to see if it was safe. It would have been different if it was someone I had been dating for awhile, but it was someone from a dating app that I had never even met and had only had one phone conversation with. That coupled with some other behavior that just felt very pushy and uncomfortable is what made it creepy.Posted by WildatHeartPosted by LadyNeptune
ok weird some of them aren't posting. But this is literally so common.
And yes some women get crazy and violent with rejection as well, just in far less numbers then men.
Ultimately protect yourself and do what's best for your comfort levels.
I can't see the images but this is definitely a huge concern as a single woman. I recently had a lovely phone call with a guy and agreed to a date. The night before the date he texted and I told him I was going out with friends out of town for the evening. I mentioned the town I was going to and that we were getting pizza. The restaurant had a old copper plate ceiling. When I got home I had tons of text messages from him, one telling me that he liked the ceiling at the restaurant. He had googled the town and found the only pizza place there so he that he could see where I was. It totally freaked me out!
That's a dork move and yes I'm guilty of this. Minus the "so he that he could see where I was..." part.
For sure: It means he is putting a lot of effort to continue or start a new conversation.
Good to know people react to this that way. Although, I'm most likely genuinely interested in the place, location, or subject🤷
Next time, be a dear but telling the poor dork you don't know him so that kind of stuff comes off creepy.
Also chill with the dark humour and sarcasm. Doesn't translate well over text with someone who doesn't know you well🤔
Shit, I just want to just relax and do me without the games and fronting. Duck it, people can really suck some times.
Well it looks like this conversation was more enlightening for me then you. Thanks hun!
Oh ya did he actually say or imply "so he that he could see where I was..." Or was that just your interpretation of it?click to expand