Meeting your sperm donor?

Looking for pros vs cons, or general opinions about letting my almost 4-year-old meet up with the father that abandoned her at 3 days old. Long story short, having contact with me interfered with his relationship (he choose after the fact), he didn’t wan...

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Astrobyn on Wednesday, February 10, 2021 and has 68 replies.
You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
But obviously don’t say that 😅
details
Posted by brianafay

But obviously don’t say that 😅

I'm going to need a day to respond to that shit. I'm drama? It's all my all my fault he's abandoned his child?

Seriously don't understand the choice of words. I'm her guardian? That's what I am to her? It's hilarious.
details
disarming the ego, is so much fucking work.

Me:

I apologize if my words came to you as hostile, it's not what I feel.  I mean it as humor.  She said you were a superhero, I obviously do not believe that, so eye roll, as a joke.

I guess I've always felt comfortable busting your balls, and I thought it added humor to the situation to make things easier.

I hear you saying it doesn't come across that way. So I won't do it anymore.

I just wanted to address that quickly so you know as soon as possible that's not what I meant.  I will take in the rest of what you said and respond later.

Him:

We can joke around but after some prior communications I was not thinking you were joking.  Like I said if we can get along I will know you are joking and we can have fun just like we use to smile  Us getting along is imperative for this to work.  No one said I am not a super hero fyi.

details
I hate this dude
details
I know that isn’t helpful but seriously, wtf over
details
Posted by brianafay

I know that isn’t helpful but seriously, wtf over

lol, this is exactly why i was acting out on the sag forum the first year.
details
If this does happen all i can wish for you Is that, May this go well for everyone.
details
Imo if the "donor" wants it to happen you should let it happen.

If a child knowing their mother/ father is an option they should have the right to know them. They will regret not ever knowing them and wondering what it would be like 100 times more then knowing they weren't always there. That's 100% fact imo.
details
Posted by Astrobyn
Posted by brianafay

But obviously don’t say that 😅

I'm going to need a day to respond to that shit. I'm drama? It's all my all my fault he's abandoned his child?

Seriously don't understand the choice of words. I'm her guardian? That's what I am to her? It's hilarious.
click to expand

The audacity to descripve her daughters status and process as sarcastic don’t need a book report.
details
I can already see it

He’s going to by a pussy and at any disagreement he’s going to scream you are causing drama.
details
Posted by tiziani

He doesn't sound ready. The way he is asking questions is as though he expects her to carry the weight and everything will just come to his doorstep. That's essentially useless to her and her needs. My 2 cents.

Also he sounds like a cunt, but obviously there's no place for that kind of language in these family meet and greets.

I miss you, you'd be the best baby daddy ever!
details
I’d tell him that it’s not my job to come off as non hostile, it’s my job to ensure that I explore every avenue carefully and with pinpoint detail...because my job as a good MOTHER (not guardian) is to ensure my child doesn’t have to bare the same bruises I have had to take years in therapy to heal. It’s your job as the mother and the primary reliable parent, to have a length dialogue about all aspects of your child’s life....so yes there will be a few book reports, children are not just accessories.

He’s ultimately not ready, he’s focusing on nuances, self perception and blame shifting because it’s his knee reaction to appease the guilt he’s feeling. Ultimately that type of response, isn’t cohesive to responsible parenting.

Children cannot be the sounding board for jerk reactions to real life stressors, his tone and behaviour remind me of someone who’ll eventually shift blame as to why he’ll struggle with forming a relationship on the child.


If he truly wanted to be a part of your daughters life, he wouldn’t be using perceived “drama” as his excuse to negate on his original plans.

I find it hilarious how men (some)always look back at their past selves with such benevolent lenses....must be nice to live fully up your own ass.
details
Posted by brianafay

I hate this dude
I thought I hung up old Roman for good.....

But nah, I’d fight him hands down.
details
Posted by Piscivore

The moral of this story: don't get knocked-up by a young Sag.

he's 40
details
Posted by Arinoaqua

I find it interesting how different people interpret the situation differently. I don’t think he was being a douche. Not intentionally anyway.

I pictured it in my head as a lightweight attempting to get in the ring with a heavyweight. She had to dumb it down for him.

Would a phone call be better than texting? So much is lost in translation through texts.

I'm Super Taurus w/ Gem moon.

I do think a phone call would be better, I've avoided it for a long time, because it felt like i was being dragged into fucked up conversations that were not productive, if he got information he didn't like. And on the flip side of that, when things are ok between us its easy to get into a conversation that has great banter and is funny and just draws you in and goes on too long, and he hasn't had the best boundaries in the past.
details
Posted by Piscivore
Posted by Astrobyn
Posted by Piscivore

The moral of this story: don't get knocked-up by a young Sag.

he's 40


Now but not back then.

Besides, Sag men usually become more responsible, in such affairs, in their 40s and 50s. Until then, they're filled with an insatiable desire to serve their own needs.
click to expand
That’s a fucking cop out for a man to remain a dip shit loser 10 years past when a normal adult forms responsibility and the desire to “grow up”.

Astrology aside.
details
Posted by Piscivore

There's really no need for this thread.

Your daughter is still a minor, who's highly impressionable and still very naive. In other words, emotionally, she's extremely vulnerable.

One of your roles, as a mother, is to protect your child from the harsh disappointments and realities of life. Yet, taking all this into account, you still want to cater towards to your daughter's rose-tinted vision of a father who she's never met.

That just leaves me to conclude that this isn't about your daughter, but more about you and what you want. Maybe this boils down to your Taurean stubbornness (especially knowing full well the likelihood of the outcome)? Or maybe you're trying to alleviate some guilt? I really have no idea but that's for you to figure out.

My advice would be to put the whole issue on the back-burner. Maybe the father will eventually take responsibility, maybe he won't. Until then, simply feed your daughter a little white lie - concoct a story that will put to bed the idea of meeting him in her head.

She's much too young to experience the crushing disappointment that may await her, so wait until she's older to handle it.

I forget how we like to use astral placements as weapons here.

I 100% disagree that it’s my job to protect her from harsh disappointments and realities of life. I believe it is my job to walk with her as I teach her how to face them and overcome them, to be prepared for the day she has to walk alone. That is very important to me, and I will never lie to her about this stuff, that shit create distrust, and I'm all she's got.

I appreciate you sharing your opinion, that is one way to look at it.
details
Posted by Piscivore
Posted by Astrobyn
Posted by Piscivore

There's really no need for this thread.

Your daughter is still a minor, who's highly impressionable and still very naive. In other words, emotionally, she's extremely vulnerable.

One of your roles, as a mother, is to protect your child from the harsh disappointments and realities of life. Yet, taking all this into account, you still want to cater towards to your daughter's rose-tinted vision of a father who she's never met.

That just leaves me to conclude that this isn't about your daughter, but more about you and what you want. Maybe this boils down to your Taurean stubbornness (especially knowing full well the likelihood of the outcome)? Or maybe you're trying to alleviate some guilt? I really have no idea but that's for you to figure out.

My advice would be to put the whole issue on the back-burner. Maybe the father will eventually take responsibility, maybe he won't. Until then, simply feed your daughter a little white lie - concoct a story that will put to bed the idea of meeting him in her head.

She's much too young to experience the crushing disappointment that may await her, so wait until she's older to handle it.

I forget how we like to use astral placements as weapons here.

I 100% disagree that it’s my job to protect her from harsh disappointments and realities of life. I believe it is my job to walk with her as I teach her how to face them and overcome them, to be prepared for the day she has to walk alone. That is very important to me, and I will never lie to her about this stuff, that shit create distrust, and I'm all she's got.

I appreciate you sharing your opinion, that is one way to look at it.


You weren't being attacked - I merely stated a possible fact (along with at least 90% of the post that didn't refer to astrology in any way). But go ahead and play victim. Knock yourself out!

Btw, I agree with the rest of your post BUT only after a certain age. IMHO, your daughter hasn't reached that stage yet. But, hey, different strokes.
click to expand

I don't really understand what you mean about Taurus stubbornness. And if I was making this decision for myself I would avoid him completely.

I do understand how this is going to go, he's not going to be a dick to her face. They'll be excited to meet each other, she'll prob be a little shy, then he'll get on her level, then she'll tell him all about the island of Motunui and how to get to Ahtohallan.

And she'll go home and feel proud and happy, and understand that he lives far away and he can't see her a lot, just like the rest of her family. And I will continue to tell her that her dad isn't like other dads, which is his choice, until she can understands what that really means.
details

Leave Your Feedback

We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.

Home Astrology Comments Forums Search

©1997-2025 dxpnet.com. All Rights Reserved.
Advertising Contact Terms of Use Privacy Policy