Ready to End Friendship with Chick who Takes Abuse.

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp
I have a new friendship with the lady who either can't leave or refuses to leave a highly toxic dysfunctional abusive relationship that is witnessed by her fourteen-year-old son who's currently acting- out and fighting in school.


She's a Taurus he's a Pisces; he puts her down berates her daily; calls her fat, washed out, treats her son like s***, he refuses to speak to the son because he still has a relationship with his father. Every single day she is bombarded with his insults, rude berating comments yet she stays. She just will not leave no matter how toxic dysfunctional sick twisted unkind or cruel he is too she or her son she just will not leave.


She said in the beginning he was really kind and nice and that's the person that she hopes will show back up again but now he's turned into this Tyrant. She's just dumbfounded about how the relationship change so drastically.


Her family has limited contact with her because of how he treats her. He is a foreigner who I believe needs a green card but she just refuses to leave and I'm tired of hearing about the abuse day in and day out.


When she's angry she'll make aggressive plans to leave but all he has to do is apologize and she's right back Stuck on Stupid!


What would you do? I'm starting to lose respect for her and I'm tired of giving 14 - 28 hours of counseling and listening an advising only for her to go right back to the place that she was in and not do anything concrete to change the situation for she or her son.


She has a good job she can afford to leave she has family out there she can stay with their family that he is very emotionally manipulative she refuses to go to any type of spiritual counseling and she refuses to go to therapy so what would you do?

Don't abandon her! Abusers want their victims to be isolated.


Abandoning her can make things worse and make her more vulnerable to physical harm and even possibly

getting killed by him. Especially if and when she decides to leave him for good.


Approximately 75% of women who are killed by their batterers are murdered when they attempt to leave or after they have left an abusive relationship.



I was in a similar situation with a friend of mine just a couple of years back.

I even did a domestic violence advocacy training program to help her but also myself as I was raised in a household in which one of my parents abused the other.


Here's a link to some resources on how you can help her:


http://www.thehotline.org/help/help-for-friends-and-family/


http://www.domesticabuseshelter.org/infodomesticviolence.htm

What happened to your friend? In regards to leaving the friendship, If she is willing to do SOMETHING for herself, then I will stay by her side. Otherwise, if this is path she choosing for herself and her poor child, what can I do?


He tells her repeatedly to leave! But either she can't or stubbornly won't. I will deal with her once a month, but any more than that.....i don't know if I can handle...especially if she isn't doing anything to help herself.

She is not your responsibility.


What is she saying when you tell her to leave? She must have some arguments!

Wait for the nice guy is over. Sooner or later she will get beaten.

Darn women!

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Posted by TaurusinTexas
Abuse is pervasive, and when sitting on the outside, it seems so clear, when you are living it, its very different. All relationships need healthy boundaries and perhaps you just need to set those versus ending this friendship, especially since we all know that abusers like to isolate their victims. Just some thoughts for you.

Posted by Montgomery
*Note: In a perfect world, you'll be able to drag


her to one of these meet ups, so she'll know


what to do when she's ready to ditch this mf


and get support.

Posted by Bricks195

Posted by Shrewdsharp
Talking to her is like talking to a brick wall and to me for her to expect new Associates to be by her side while she allows herself to be demeaned on a regular basis; refuses to go to therapy refuses to go to any type of spiritual counseling and refuses to go to get any type of help..

is asking too much!!

You don't need to be right smack in the middle of her life situation. You can hang out on the fringes and be a presence in her life without handcuffing yourself to her.


There must be a way you could focus more on casual friendship.


I don't know this person, but I do know people who were in seemingly abusive relationships. Some of them almost seemed to enjoy the sympathy they got from friends. They wallowed in it. If a person has money of their own and a way out, it's worth evaluating whether or not the person is truly a victim or is willfully submitting to the situation because they enjoy the concern they're shown by well-meaning people.


Some people get off on being the victim. Maybe she truly loves he guy and wants to stay committed to him in hopes he'll change, but that's not a valid excuse when she has a kid.


So I think you should stick around, but keep some distance between yourself and her.

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Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Montgomery
*Note: In a perfect world, you'll be able to drag


her to one of these meet ups, so she'll know


what to do when she's ready to ditch this mf


and get support.

Yeah you are right...reality check.

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Posted by Montgomery
It's hard to feel sorry for someone who allows


her child to endure such a home life.


But Codependency is a sickness-- mental and


spiritual imo... you're not dealing with a rational


person, unfortunately.


There is a ton of help for people like this, but


they have to want the help.


Do you know her family?


For yourself, take one hour of your day and


attend an Al-anon meeting-- the bigger the


meeting, the better.


Or a CODA meeting... co dependents


anonymous.


It's ALL codependency-- symbiotic relationships


that are fueled by shared mental and spiritual


sickness-- but these will be filled with the folks


who are trying to gtfo of them and all the


madness that comes with them.


Go to more than one-- they vary greatly, and if


you land in a good one, it will be an eye opening


adventure that'll knock your socks off.

Posted by Goodtimes

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by Shrewdsharp


highly toxic dysfunctional abusive relationship that is witnessed by her fourteen-year-old son who's currently acting- out and fighting in school.


he puts her down berates her daily; calls her fat, washed out, treats her son like s***, he refuses to speak to the son because he still has a relationship with his father. Every single day she is bombarded with his insults, rude berating comments yet she stays.


he's turned into this Tyrant.


Her family has limited contact with her because of how he treats her.

This is all hear say. According to you, you have never even met her.


You have come in here to state fact, when in reality .... you've never witnessed any of this.


I wouldn't be shocked at all if you were making payments for the purchase of the Brooklyn Bridge .............. you are THAT gullible.

Hey I heard about you..

Someone posted a comment to a Pisces stating "You are the meanest Pisces on the board."

The other person responded "You must haven't read any of P-Angel posts"

The OP said, "Yes I have, She is blocked."

LOL..

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Posted by Eddie_Vanjovi

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Ssuperman
Why don't you try to actually be a friend and be there for her instead of being a coward and leaving like everyone else? I swear some people are so damn shallow. Makes me sick

You know nothing about what I have done and how I have been there for her - you've done no investigating you haven't asked me any questions to expound on the situation.


And you come on this board with a puppet Avatar and you name yourself Superman and you want to talk about somebody being shallow. Lol


In addition I agree with how you refer to yourself as the dxp local idiot. In addition I could ask you the same thing why would you come on here and judge instead of offering insight and another perspective as the adults have.

Well, I'm just going by your words and the title of this thread. I didn't judge you one bit. Being there for someone is not about you. It's about them. It's about supporting them when they need you the most. From your thread, you're considering bailing because she's not taking your advice. She needs someone she can trust and lean on. Dosen't sound like you're that person.


And as far as you judging me from my avatar and screen name..........go piss up a rope and climb it

Okay, let's block each other then you don't have to worry about what I post. ?


Done!

Lol. Just like bailing on your friend. Can't handle a difference of opinion so, you block (bail). You really must be a coward

You're beginning to sound abusive... similar to the comments this poor woman you're trying to "protect" gets told on a regular basis when she tries to sustain her own mental well being.

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Posted by Undine
The fact is OP and the "friend" have not met IRL.


To worry about the future of their "friendship" is similar to worrying if Alientrollsrobot still likes Rockyradiofuckcream or what the name is...if she doesn't, one of the remaining 1003 other online trolls just may....

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Virgorean
I'm willing to bet her close friends have either left or severely limited contact with your friend which is why she chose to latch onto you her woes for your support. She is looking for an outlet and as long as you're willing to be that outlet she will continue to go to you.


As someone who was your Taurus friend, if you can no longer tolerate being drained then leave. It is harsh, but sometimes when we are too complacent with where we are currently it takes drastic measures to make a bold move. Hence, her desire in not wanting to leave now because she isn't in any fear of danger.


From my experience, friendship enabled my situation because it was that little bit of light I could hold onto while refusing to face reality. Reality didn't hit hard until I lost that, which put me in complete isolation. It wasn't until my best friends who I've known for over a decade put to light how they could no longer be my friend because they could no longer tolerate seeing me in this state than rather take action. At the time they weren't aware that physical abuse was involved, but they were fully aware how toxic the relationship was. Honestly, your words are falling on deaf ears. She needs to be the one to pull herself away from it all. Where you will play a part is when she shows serious action and reaches out to you. She will come from a place of fear and not knowing the next step to take, but you would be by her side to guide her. The friendships and family I lost I've regained when I chose to finally walk.


The difference between your friend and I was I didn't have any ties to hold me back. Your friend is using her son as that tie to keep the family together. Eventually, the son will come to an understanding why she took the path she did.

I really appreciate you taking the time to share your story it was quit enlightening and affirming. You are right her close friends have limited there contact for the very same reason. Her best friend said she was going to stay until she was tired.


Yeah I have backed off drastically and you're right she told me that my words were falling on deaf ears.


Her moon is in Virgo and you are reading her so well. He does use her son as an excuse because of the nice area that he lives in her son is in a really good school.


Is being an outlet for somebody a good thing? Or did it enable you? She use those exact words she said I was an outlet for her she said I was her only Outlet I'm not sure where all of her friends are...

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Posted by Montgomery

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Montgomery
*Note: In a perfect world, you'll be able to drag


her to one of these meet ups, so she'll know


what to do when she's ready to ditch this mf


and get support.

Yeah you are right...reality check.

Fwiw... I've seen exactly one person leave this


kind of situation.


And it got worse before it got better.


If she's using you as an outlet, then you have


rights too-- tell her (*every time* she tries to


unload on you) that when she's ready to get her


kid and herself out of that ugly situation, that you


will drop everything to help her get out.


That way, you're still being a friend but you're


not cosigning any of her bullshit, either.


Best of luck to you. ♡

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Posted by Eddie_Vanjovi
Has she spoken to you since with things that he has done recently?