Should I ditch my friend for good? I feel like I have an energy vampire in my life.

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by femme123 on Wednesday, August 12, 2020 and has 16 replies.
Ok so I have this friend whom I have known for years but it's been on and off as her passive-aggressive behavior has broken up our friendship a few times. Each time it is her who contacts me as I only contacted her to mend fences once but that was many years ago. I was younger and was tolerating her, but now I am REALLY tired of her attitude and ready to ditch her for good this time. The question is should I end this for once and for all? I'll give you brief background info about both of us as that's what it's all about...her passive-aggressive comments and nosy behavior. So I am 37 and she is 40 now. I am of a middle eastern background and a female while she is not of the same background. I live in a townhouse which my parents transferred the deed to me (the only child) and it's a spacious nice townhouse where I live with mom and dad. She lives alone and she sleeps around with everyone and tells me about it too, especially guys around 20s who treat her like crap. She wants to get married but she gets ditched by men constantly and tells me about it. I'm so tired of hearing how she's getting laid by a different dudes 5 times a week, I find it gross honestly. Also, I have an awesome parents and love the parties my parents throw as they have a busy social life so my home is often a party place. The female friend only has a mom, who due to stroke, is now wheelchair-bound and lives in a different apartment while constantly needing help from my friend as she can't move and the daughter always biaches at me about her mom which is also messed up considering that woman has no one but her daughter who lives nearby for help but my friend makes it a chore to run basic errands for her mom. She told me that she hates her mom and that her mom was sleeping with all her male friends for years lol. Basically, her family dynamic is absolutely the opposite of mine and she always complaints that she doesn't have anyone besides her mom blah blah yet she treats her disabled mom like crap. She knows the close relationship I have with my parents and how we are a happy and close knit family.

So she keeps constantly pointing out in a passive-aggressive manner as well as in a 'mocking' manner that "look at you, you live with your parents" yet I live in my own home that is paid off and worth quite some money (close to a million $ ) that was 'gifted' to me by my parents and there's like 4 bedrooms in my home so if I move, my parents will end up with 3 empty bedrooms (I use 3 bedrooms like bedroom, offices, etc just for myself) and since I live in LA, I would have to pay a minimum of $ 2,000 of monthly rent basically all that $ $ down the drain each month while I can save that yearly $ 24K that I would alternatively waste on an average LA apartment and spend that $ 24K on me or invest. Also, paying no rent as the house is paid-off, allows me to travel the world, drive a nice car, and spend money on designer stuff, which none of that would happen if I had moved on my own before. I would be pretty much working just to pay some landlord $ 2K/month. Moreover, even if I had moved out before to somewhere cheaper like renting a room only, that would mean that I am leaving my nice townhome and awesome parents to move into some strangers' home with random rules, to a one-bedroom space just to live with a stranger and pay a minimum of $ 1,000 to him/her. So I ask WHY lol Why does my friend feel the need to teach me what to do because this is going on for a while and she is starting to irritate me....you would think that my living condition is her life problem because that's what she is acting like now. This is the friend who ended up in court a few times in the past few years for failing to pay her rent so she was taken to court by her landlord. Um...well I really don't want that in my life, I am already secured yet she has the mean attitude like something is wrong with me for not wanting to be like her. The new story is that now she is mocking the city where I live saying that it's a $ hitty city lol yet she lives in not so good part of her city. I never say anything about where she lives nor the apartment box that she calls home as that's just rude and none of my business. This is why her mean spirited attitude about me when I am NOT the one getting kicked out of various apartments for failing to pay rent and not the one treating a disabled parent like crap, yet she vilifies me. It seems like she is frustrated about her own life (she does have other issues going on but i wont get into it) so she texts me by aiming at something related to my life and starts to point out how I am not 'worthy' like there's something wrong with me. I am 37 as mentioned and WAY too old for her HS behavior it's like she has not evolved.

She has also been arrested a few times for petty theft at Macys as a grown a $ $ woman yet I never make fun of her nor even mention about that to her face as I don't want to go down to her level. I feel drained by her too it's like she's constantly in some drama with friends or men and she texts me everyday by saying "omg u can't imagine what happened today..." and boom there's constantly issues. I guess what I feel bad about is that she's the 2nd oldest friend I've had (the 1st one died unfortunately and I really liked her) and that's what I pity about letting go but I really don't need someone with tons of issues in her life to teach me how I should live. To me it is starting to feel like she is bothered that I have 3 bedrooms/rooms of my own space (the 4th one is the parent bedroom) because she told me yesterday "why do u need 3 bedrooms, why you need so much space, get out of there, get yourself a room." Um so based on her logic I should dump 3 bedrooms of mortgage free nicely decorated space all to myself and move to a stranger's room under someone else's 'rules' and confine myself inside a small 1 bedroom space and pay $ 1,000 min each month for that. So should I dump her immediately (like block her) or talk it out? My main issue is that she stops teaching me what I should do regarding my living condition as I love it and love saving all that $ and love driving an expensive car and traveling the world. I find that my living condition shouldn't worry anyone but me and I am not worried about it myself, in fact very happy about it. The only thing in life now that is giving me a negative vibe is her actually as it feels like there is someone who has this negative aura/issues who in order to feel good about herself she dumps all that negative energy onto the other person to feel releaved of her negativity. Lately, I don't even text her first, trying to distance myself, but she texts me everyday to biatch about one of her friends and she actually makes fun of them too, so I am not the only one. Her argument is that all of her friends are jealous of her. I don't even question her way she thinks that...I just don't have the energy for her right now. My mom is very compassionate and keeps telling me to ignore the things she says by being cordial but it's easier said than done.

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I cant read all that Sad
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If this is a childhood friend, she most likely has some jealousy towards you and intentionally informs you regarding the things you find offensive which she may or may not actually be doing just to imbalance you. If you still consider her a friend, there's a reason. Similarly, her behavior around you is most likely due to you. I'm not saying that you did anything wrong, but this could be a scenario where this woman had deep feelings for you, but you rejected her or never acknowledged her that way, so she creates chaos in her life to get you emotional about her. I'm not sure how long the two of you have been friends, but you do still consider her a friend and she does tell you everything supposedly. I have a feeling she wants your attention desperately. More than friend attention.
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Posted by FactCheck
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies

I cant read all that Sad


Tldr; OP has a 4 bedroom townhome, luxury cars, travels the world. All of it bought with money from her parents. OP has a friend who lives in a one room apartment and takes care of a disabled parent. OP is tired of her friend always complaining about life.
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ummm actually wrong! i would say totally wrong. the friend complaints about MY life too she doesn't approve of it i suppose lol and she hardly takes care of her disabled mom yet she is bothered that i have and live with awesome fun parents.
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Posted by GemCurioThe1

If this is a childhood friend, she most likely has some jealousy towards you and intentionally informs you regarding the things you find offensive which she may or may not actually be doing just to imbalance you. If you still consider her a friend, there's a reason. Similarly, her behavior around you is most likely due to you. I'm not saying that you did anything wrong, but this could be a scenario where this woman had deep feelings for you, but you rejected her or never acknowledged her that way, so she creates chaos in her life to get you emotional about her. I'm not sure how long the two of you have been friends, but you do still consider her a friend and she does tell you everything supposedly. I have a feeling she wants your attention desperately. More than friend attention.
I wouldn't say a childhood friend but from around the teenage years. I feel like she is bothered from the fact that i don't come from a dysfunctional family as she does. In fact, just remembered how we were talking about having kids as we are nearing our 'deadline' lol and she told me to not have a child...i was like why? she told me that my child will be a burden on me as unmarried woman, so I told her that not really because my parents have told me that since i have no siblings and no extended family in the US, it's important to have a child for me even if I don't marry since they would hate to see me be alone and in the future i might have regrets about now having a child. Once i shared what my parents had told me before, my friend got mad at me called me 'selfish' for wanting to bring a child into this world without a father...i told her that for now there's no such plan like chill the f out girl....it's something that I will decide myself and thank god I've got my parents as a support in case I need it. She said that bringing a child to this world will burden my parents life LOL......my parents are retired and bored ay and night hence their frequent parties and they would love a grandchild in their life, yet the friend seems to know better than us and she likes to discourage me of everything that is actually good. I feel like because she doesn't have the family support since her only fam is her disabled mom, she knows that it will be more difficult for her to raise a child than me so she seems to discourage me from doing that. Again, I just don't see how me living with parents, my family's decision regarding having a child on my own has anything to do with her when I don't even ask for her opinion. It's constant discouragement with her. This is why I feel drained even when she texts me besides her daily dramas.
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Posted by FactCheck
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies

I cant read all that Sad


Tldr; OP has a 4 bedroom townhome, luxury cars, travels the world. All of it bought with money from her parents. OP has a friend who lives in a one room apartment and takes care of a disabled parent. OP is tired of her friend always complaining about life.
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Oh right. spoilt brat syndrome.... eeek. Why have enemies when you have friends.
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If she's draining your energy try not to be around her consistently. Deal with her in small doses so that she can be easier to experience. Some people use the negativity of such friends to inspire them to do more. However that doesn't seem to be the case here, so give her less of your time if you want to keep a relationship with your friend. this will also give her the opportunity to be more involved in her own life, instead of bothering you in yours. You have a decent heart for even discussing a course of actions to take regarding a jealous friend. Definitely, give her less time and less of your energy. Misery loves company and your friend is very discontent with her life.
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Posted by Bklatt

Shes jealous envious. The only reason shes close to you is to see if she can gain anything. Youre right she is a vampire.

The main problem for you is you even question the situation. Obviously you are grateful for what you have. You should lift your head up high and walk away.
thank u..i think i stay because my mom feels sorry for her for whatever reason and mom told me to be compassionate and accept people as they are so i my mom's empath personality i guess takes over me but until the friend puts me down again...it's like a cycle but I'm going to cut her off...no sympathy anymore.
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Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by FactCheck
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies

I cant read all that Sad


Tldr; OP has a 4 bedroom townhome, luxury cars, travels the world. All of it bought with money from her parents. OP has a friend who lives in a one room apartment and takes care of a disabled parent. OP is tired of her friend always complaining about life.


Oh right. spoilt brat syndrome.... eeek. Why have enemies when you have friends.
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spoiled brt or not...no excuse for people to pull u down especially if they are friends...
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Even the best of friendships - are not meant to last forever (all your life - that is). Or at least - that rarely happens (rare exceptions). Friends are usually just temporary companions - while walking on same path through life (the few people from your neighborhood/school/work/bar/gatherings//family/relatives/etc - you happen to like/vibe the most - for whatever reason... maybe you're like-minded and happen to share some core beliefs). Anyway, people change (their life path might change from yours - again, for a multitude of reasons... more often than not - it's cause of other people). So, hey... maybe it's time to part ways. I mean, from what you wrote so far - you sure don't seem to get along like... close friends. More like... you try hard to put up with each-other for old time's sake. And that's clearly not working anymore. Tho, it's your life - so do as you please.
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Posted by femme123
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by FactCheck
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies

I cant read all that Sad


Tldr; OP has a 4 bedroom townhome, luxury cars, travels the world. All of it bought with money from her parents. OP has a friend who lives in a one room apartment and takes care of a disabled parent. OP is tired of her friend always complaining about life.


Oh right. spoilt brat syndrome.... eeek. Why have enemies when you have friends.


spoiled brt or not...no excuse for people to pull u down especially if they are friends...
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Is that not what you are doing here though? If you cant be there for one another then yes, cut friends and move on. Find a friend who does not want to confide in you.
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Posted by Marai
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by femme123
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by FactCheck
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies

I cant read all that Sad


Tldr; OP has a 4 bedroom townhome, luxury cars, travels the world. All of it bought with money from her parents. OP has a friend who lives in a one room apartment and takes care of a disabled parent. OP is tired of her friend always complaining about life.


Oh right. spoilt brat syndrome.... eeek. Why have enemies when you have friends.


spoiled brt or not...no excuse for people to pull u down especially if they are friends...


Is that not what you are doing here though? If you cant be there for one another then yes, cut friends and move on. Find a friend who does not want to confide in you.


There's a difference in confiding and putting a person down to make yourself feel better. She doesn't need to explain herself for her situation and happiness.

If she wants to help, she should help but it seems to me that OPs friend has a slight mental problem and is not taking responsibility for her actions. OPs friend is having all these things (sex with young guys and court problems) because she's running from the responsibility she has for disabled mother. Or she just can't fathom it.
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There are two sides to this story too. Hers and her friends.
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Your responsible for setting the boundaries in your life. Time to shut the door on this one.
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I agree with GemCurioThe1 and Bklatt, your “friend” definitely envies you, what you have, and has been treating you badly.

Stop letting the childhood friendship excuse justify the toxic relationship you have with her. You’re letting her put you down.

If you’re still stubborn about remaining friends with her, then try ignoring her texts and call more often and just say you’re busy?
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Posted by MissKrabs

You wrote zero positive things about your friend. You don't like her and on top of it you think you are better than her. I can't imagine what kind of convo you can have.
honestly, can't really come up with positive things about her...at least not lately. She did help me out once but then I have helped her out myself so in that sense we are at an equal level, but overall she is toxic. Another thing I can't stand is that she know that I like to make plans like if we are going to go out I don't like it when she passes by my house, tells me to come out and hang out...like it takes me an hour to get ready...I'm a woman hello lol...it's like she intentionally does this to me ALL the time despite the numerous times that I tell her that I need at least a few hours of notice and i don't jump out like that. She gets annoyed saying that 'well, I'm spontaneous' I'm like well I am not I always make plans in advance. but she could care less...she does this often and it's just mind boggling why she keeps doing this. She asks me to go with her on a double date/a hang out spot with 25 year old guys and I told her dude I'm 37 what the hell i am going to do over there plus i don't feel like getting ready 2 hours just to waste time with 25 year old guys just because she wants to hang out with a young dude (fu*k buddy) and needs to drag someone along when the guy has friends around. I said no twice and she started making me feel guilty and became angry at my 'no'. Inf act, a month before that my, her friend and I were hanging out at a hooka place where a guy that i went on dates with entered the lounge and upon seeing me came to our sofa and we all 4 sat together and talked the whole evening. Mind u that the guy was 35, so much closer to our age group, but it was an accidental meeting and obviously I had no reason to tell that guy that I was hanging out with at that time to sit somewhere else...after all I was hanging out with him a few night before in the same hookah place and my friend knew about him from my stories. Anyways, once I said NO to her regarding 25 year old guys, (my friend is 40 as mentioned), she started to guilt trip me saying that "how dare you, i didn't want to sit with that guy of yours the other day but we did blah blah blah...." well again the guy just happened to come to the same place and saw us, plus he is 35 for god's sake, not 25. I feel burdened by her and stopped already answering her...I told her well it's not like I was going to tell the guy go away from us, I told my friend how old r u girl? 40 or 5? She seems immature.
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Posted by MissKrabs

You wrote zero positive things about your friend. You don't like her and on top of it you think you are better than her. I can't imagine what kind of convo you can have.
honestly, can't really come up with positive things about her...at least not lately. She did help me out once but then I have helped her out myself so in that sense we are at an equal level, but overall she is toxic. Another thing I can't stand is that she know that I like to make plans like if we are going to go out I don't like it when she passes by my house, tells me to come out and hang out...like it takes me an hour to get ready...I'm a woman hello lol...it's like she intentionally does this to me ALL the time despite the numerous times that I tell her that I need at least a few hours of notice and i don't jump out like that. She gets annoyed saying that 'well, I'm spontaneous' I'm like well I am not I always make plans in advance. but she could care less...she does this often and it's just mind boggling why she keeps doing this. She asks me to go with her on a double date/a hang out spot with 25 year old guys and I told her dude I'm 37 what the hell i am going to do over there plus i don't feel like getting ready 2 hours just to waste time with 25 year old guys just because she wants to hang out with a young dude (fu*k buddy) and needs to drag someone along when the guy has friends around. I said no twice and she started making me feel guilty and became angry at my 'no'. Inf act, a month before that my, her friend and I were hanging out at a hooka place where a guy that i went on dates with entered the lounge and upon seeing me came to our sofa and we all 4 sat together and talked the whole evening. Mind u that the guy was 35, so much closer to our age group, but it was an accidental meeting and obviously I had no reason to tell that guy that I was hanging out with at that time to sit somewhere else...after all I was hanging out with him a few night before in the same hookah place and my friend knew about him from my stories. Anyways, once I said NO to her regarding 25 year old guys, (my friend is 40 as mentioned), she started to guilt trip me saying that "how dare you, i didn't want to sit with that guy of yours the other day but we did blah blah blah...." well again the guy just happened to come to the same place and saw us, plus he is 35 for god's sake, not 25. I feel burdened by her and stopped already answering her...I told her well it's not like I was going to tell the guy go away from us, I told my friend how old r u girl? 40 or 5? She seems immature.
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