Unhappily married...not sure what to say
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Cake_Anyone on Friday, June 16, 2017 and has 51 replies.
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Hubby was away for a couple of weeks, got back today and has asked me if I missed him. I said I wasn't sure and that I'd just got on with things. But in all honesty I haven't missed him.
Is there even a polite way of saying no to that question?
Is there even a polite way of saying no to that question?
He missed me although I didn't ask him, he'd told me whilst away. He loves me too. But I can't decide what I want, it's part of the reason he went away to give me space but it's made no difference. I didn't miss him, I didn't feel any pull to contact him or anything. I feel like a terrible person. Thank you both for commenting 
How long have you been married?
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeI do feel like room mates tbh. I hate going to bed
i would say it's time for a divorce lol unless you just want another roommate
Signed Up: Mar 31, 2017
Comments: 2563 · Posts: 6340 · Topics: 139
Comments: 2563 · Posts: 6340 · Topics: 139
Posted by Cake_Anyone
Hubby was away for a couple of weeks, got back today and has asked me if I missed him. I said I wasn't sure and that I'd just got on with things. But in all honesty I haven't missed him.
Is there even a polite way of saying no to that question?
Nope. Lie to him and say you did miss him. If it's that hard to do try holding a fidget spinner when you say it.
Posted by MyStarsShineBeen married 7yrs next week. Together 9yrs.
How long have you been married?
Posted by Cake_Anyone7 year itch?Posted by MyStarsShineBeen married 7yrs next week. Together 9yrs.
How long have you been married?click to expand
My mum mentioned that to me but that was a couple of years ago. I've felt like this for about 3yrs or so 
I've tried to say he needs to be with someone who wants to be with him I'm every sense of the word but he doesn't hear me. Then he tries it on again
I've tried to say he needs to be with someone who wants to be with him I'm every sense of the word but he doesn't hear me. Then he tries it on again Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeYou may be right. There is a lot of negativity on my part for our relationship.Posted by Cake_Anyoneyou used the word "hate"...this relationship sounds doomed...Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeI do feel like room mates tbh. I hate going to bed
i would say it's time for a divorce lol unless you just want another roommateclick to expand
Posted by WhorpioPosted by Cake_Anyone
Hubby was away for a couple of weeks, got back today and has asked me if I missed him. I said I wasn't sure and that I'd just got on with things. But in all honesty I haven't missed him.
Is there even a polite way of saying no to that question?
Nope. Lie to him and say you did miss him. If it's that hard to do try holding a fidget spinner when you say it.click to expand
You should design and make your own line of fidget spinners as much as you market them
Posted by Cake_Anyonethere isn't a nice way. saying "no" to missing someone happens. there have been times i left for weeks and my SO and I didn't miss each other. LOL. phases happen.
Hubby was away for a couple of weeks, got back today and has asked me if I missed him. I said I wasn't sure and that I'd just got on with things. But in all honesty I haven't missed him.
Is there even a polite way of saying no to that question?
try to get the communication going, then the romance. sex fixes every thing. at least for me. LMAO.
Posted by EvilHareWhen you say it's something different altogether what do you mean? I am being a little stupid here lol. I used to always want to be around him and we did everything together, were always talking but now I am not bothered. I feel horrible for feeling this way but it's gone on so long I just want to be happyPosted by Cake_AnyoneOnce you've been together for a while, yes, life goes on to a point while the other is gone and those times when they are gone can be be refreshing. People who are attached to one another at all times and get bent out of shape when the other isn't around have clinginess issues.Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeI do feel like room mates tbh. I hate going to bed
i would say it's time for a divorce lol unless you just want another roommate
But once you've reached THIS point...that's something altogether different. I don't envy you.click to expand
Posted by HermesVirgoI just dont want him touching me at all. He still finds me attractive etc but I don't feel any attraction there anymore.Posted by Cake_Anyonethere isn't a nice way. saying "no" to missing someone happens. there have been times i left for weeks and my SO and I didn't miss each other. LOL. phases happen.
Hubby was away for a couple of weeks, got back today and has asked me if I missed him. I said I wasn't sure and that I'd just got on with things. But in all honesty I haven't missed him.
Is there even a polite way of saying no to that question?
try to get the communication going, then the romance. sex fixes every thing. at least for me. LMAO.click to expand
Posted by tiziani@Tiziani you took the words from my lips. I was going to say this, but I now I will tell you my own experience.
I remember my mother once told my father directly, she preferred it when he was away lol
In the end, her feelings for him did re-surface and never left really. But not to say that's the same in your case.
I think the truth is something all relationships need to recover from, at times.
My husband and I have been married 8 years together for 10. I know to everyone on here when I comment on my husband it's all rainbows and sunshine because I speak highly of him and our marriage, but the truth is marriage is hard work! I'd be lying to you if I told you that for about 2 years of our marriage I didn't hate him! Like I thought anybody else would be better for him other than me and prayed he'd cheat on me so that I'd have an excuse to exit! That's the honest truth! That was the hardest two years of my life because I felt like dying inside. Up until a little less than a year ago I prayed and fasted asking God for guidance on my relationship. I got the answer we needed to spend more time together. So we went on a trip out of the country and used that time reintroducing ourselves to each other. Then we made a commitment to have date night every other weekend and we don't break that committed time with each other for anything! It has truly helped me fall back in love with my husband.... maybe even deeper love. When I first fell in love it was the usual kind of love, fluffy movie in love, but the love I have for him now is a respect that through all of our trials he's still there and has been my rock. I have a new found admiration of the man he's grown into versus the young man I married. I'm not saying this'll be the same case for you and your husband but it's something to discuss and think about. Marriages go through pockets of time where they fall in and out of love with another, or they may not feel the same kind of love at the same time. It's up to you what you want to do. If you know you'll be miserable staying with him then sit and make an exit strategy. I will say if you feel a relief when he's gone or that you don't miss him it's definitely an indicator of something serious.
Trust me I know that feeling of just wanting to be happy and if you know there's no way to change that feeling as long as you're with him... then I think you know the answer and now you must figure out how to execute.
the longer we are together, the more i miss him when he is not around. i didn't miss him all that much when i was traveling without him with my family in the first couple YEARS we were together tbh. at this point, it's like 'i miss u already' before he walks out of the door lol. advanced stage clinginess but it's not a problem to either of us yet lol
Separate houses keeps things alive
Separate countries even better lol.....joke
Familiarity can breed contempt, living together day in day out year after year after year aint for everyone
Separate countries even better lol.....joke
Familiarity can breed contempt, living together day in day out year after year after year aint for everyone
Posted by HermesVirgoNo not for everyonePosted by Cake_Anyonethere isn't a nice way. saying "no" to missing someone happens. there have been times i left for weeks and my SO and I didn't miss each other. LOL. phases happen.
Hubby was away for a couple of weeks, got back today and has asked me if I missed him. I said I wasn't sure and that I'd just got on with things. But in all honesty I haven't missed him.
Is there even a polite way of saying no to that question?
try to get the communication going, then the romance. sex fixes every thing. at least for me. LMAO.click to expand
People can go off each other sexually
feeling like roommates and hate going to bed sound doomed. it's a torture to live with someone you don't love enough
Posted by Wineaux15I think you are right.
Trust me I know that feeling of just wanting to be happy and if you know there's no way to change that feeling as long as you're with him... then I think you know the answer and now you must figure out how to execute.
Posted by iCloud9It really does feel like torture
feeling like roommates and hate going to bed sound doomed. it's a torture to live with someone you don't love enough
It sounds to me like you are controlling everything. Even this space he gave you, was at YOUR bidding.
Let him actually leave you by his choice, in where YOU realize you're not wanted ...... and let's then see what song you sing.
You must not be physically attracted to him anymore.
Posted by Cake_AnyoneIs there anyone else?Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeYou may be right. There is a lot of negativity on my part for our relationship.Posted by Cake_Anyoneyou used the word "hate"...this relationship sounds doomed...Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeI do feel like room mates tbh. I hate going to bed
i would say it's time for a divorce lol unless you just want another roommateclick to expand
Posted by P-AngelBaby don't hurt me
It sounds to me like you are controlling everything. Even this space he gave you, was at YOUR bidding.
Let him actually leave you by his choice, in where YOU realize you're not wanted ...... and let's then see what song you sing.
Don't hurt me no mo'
This one.
Signed Up: Mar 31, 2017
Comments: 2563 · Posts: 6340 · Topics: 139
Comments: 2563 · Posts: 6340 · Topics: 139
Posted by ShadowcatPosted by WhorpioPosted by Cake_Anyone
Hubby was away for a couple of weeks, got back today and has asked me if I missed him. I said I wasn't sure and that I'd just got on with things. But in all honesty I haven't missed him.
Is there even a polite way of saying no to that question?
Nope. Lie to him and say you did miss him. If it's that hard to do try holding a fidget spinner when you say it.
They just got a pack of them at the convenience store.click to expand
What are you implying here Shadow? ?
Posted by Shadowcat@Whorpio can make a better Fidget Spinner that's too expensive to sell at the gas station. Maybe a wireless speaker Bluetooth Fidget Spinner with lights that move to the best of the song.Posted by WhorpioI'm implying that fidget spinners are taking over the world.Posted by ShadowcatPosted by WhorpioPosted by Cake_Anyone
Hubby was away for a couple of weeks, got back today and has asked me if I missed him. I said I wasn't sure and that I'd just got on with things. But in all honesty I haven't missed him.
Is there even a polite way of saying no to that question?
Nope. Lie to him and say you did miss him. If it's that hard to do try holding a fidget spinner when you say it.
They just got a pack of them at the convenience store.
What are you implying here Shadow? ?click to expand
Posted by GemitatiGEMI!!! ???Posted by P-AngelBaby don't hurt me
It sounds to me like you are controlling everything. Even this space he gave you, was at YOUR bidding.
Let him actually leave you by his choice, in where YOU realize you're not wanted ...... and let's then see what song you sing.
Don't hurt me no mo'
This one.click to expand
Signed Up: Mar 31, 2017
Comments: 2563 · Posts: 6340 · Topics: 139
Comments: 2563 · Posts: 6340 · Topics: 139
Posted by Wineaux15Posted by WhorpioPosted by Cake_Anyone
Hubby was away for a couple of weeks, got back today and has asked me if I missed him. I said I wasn't sure and that I'd just got on with things. But in all honesty I haven't missed him.
Is there even a polite way of saying no to that question?
Nope. Lie to him and say you did miss him. If it's that hard to do try holding a fidget spinner when you say it.
You should design and make your own line of fidget spinners as much as you market themclick to expand
I'm working on it
Posted by TeenaYes, Princess...Posted by GemitatiGEMI!!! ???Posted by P-AngelBaby don't hurt me
It sounds to me like you are controlling everything. Even this space he gave you, was at YOUR bidding.
Let him actually leave you by his choice, in where YOU realize you're not wanted ...... and let's then see what song you sing.
Don't hurt me no mo'
This one.click to expand
It rhymes...???
Signed Up: Mar 31, 2017
Comments: 2563 · Posts: 6340 · Topics: 139
Comments: 2563 · Posts: 6340 · Topics: 139
Posted by ShadowcatPosted by WhorpioPosted by ShadowcatPosted by WhorpioPosted by Cake_Anyone
Hubby was away for a couple of weeks, got back today and has asked me if I missed him. I said I wasn't sure and that I'd just got on with things. But in all honesty I haven't missed him.
Is there even a polite way of saying no to that question?
Nope. Lie to him and say you did miss him. If it's that hard to do try holding a fidget spinner when you say it.
They just got a pack of them at the convenience store.
What are you implying here Shadow? ?
I'm implying that fidget spinners are taking over the world.click to expand
Well clearly not, since people still complain about their "problems" ?
@Teena
It's your fault! You haven't turn down a radio...?
It's your fault! You haven't turn down a radio...?
Posted by WhorpioApparently this dumb things not as powerful as you think!Posted by ShadowcatPosted by WhorpioPosted by ShadowcatPosted by WhorpioPosted by Cake_Anyone
Hubby was away for a couple of weeks, got back today and has asked me if I missed him. I said I wasn't sure and that I'd just got on with things. But in all honesty I haven't missed him.
Is there even a polite way of saying no to that question?
Nope. Lie to him and say you did miss him. If it's that hard to do try holding a fidget spinner when you say it.
They just got a pack of them at the convenience store.
What are you implying here Shadow? ?
I'm implying that fidget spinners are taking over the world.
Well clearly not, since people still complain about their "problems" ?click to expand
Gotcha!
Posted by Gemitati
@Teena
It's your fault! You haven't turn down a radio...?
?
Starwars is suchha cookiemonster!!! Look at her bossing me around ??
Posted by MyStarsShineI've met one (only one!) person who has this kind of marriage.
Separate houses keeps things alive
Separate countries even better lol.....joke
Familiarity can breed contempt, living together day in day out year after year after year aint for everyone
He and his wife live a few houses apart... they are much older.
He goes over every morning for breakfast.
It works.
Posted by TeenaBut you didn't cave in! So you are a biger Cookie Monster! (I mean Sesame Street of course...) ?Posted by Gemitati
@Teena
It's your fault! You haven't turn down a radio...?
?
Starwars is suchha cookiemonster!!! Look at her bossing me around ??click to expand
Posted by GemitatiI didn't??? I did turn off the radio!!!??Posted by TeenaBut you didn't cave in! So you are a biger Cookie Monster! (I mean Sesame Street of course...) ?Posted by Gemitati
@Teena
It's your fault! You haven't turn down a radio...?
?
Starwars is suchha cookiemonster!!! Look at her bossing me around ??click to expand
Or maybe I should watch it again ?
Posted by TeenaBINGO!Posted by GemitatiI didn't??? I did turn off the radio!!!??Posted by TeenaBut you didn't cave in! So you are a biger Cookie Monster! (I mean Sesame Street of course...) ?Posted by Gemitati
@Teena
It's your fault! You haven't turn down a radio...?
?
Starwars is suchha cookiemonster!!! Look at her bossing me around ??
Or maybe I should watch it again ?click to expand
You did not. It went off when you two killed Loonybin! ?
Posted by Sagiluv27What are you talking about? Me and PJ not married. We could try...I guess...idk...
Married couples sometimes need breaks away from each other and that's okay!
?
Posted by Sagiluv27Never mind...Posted by GemitatiWho is pjPosted by Sagiluv27What are you talking about? Me and PJ not married. We could try...I guess...idk...
Married couples sometimes need breaks away from each other and that's okay!
?click to expand
Posted by GemitatiPosted by TeenaBINGO!Posted by GemitatiI didn't??? I did turn off the radio!!!??Posted by TeenaBut you didn't cave in! So you are a biger Cookie Monster! (I mean Sesame Street of course...) ?Posted by Gemitati
@Teena
It's your fault! You haven't turn down a radio...?
?
Starwars is suchha cookiemonster!!! Look at her bossing me around ??
Or maybe I should watch it again ?
You did not. It went off when you two killed Loonybin! ?click to expand
Lol!! If you say so
I like to be the bigger cookiemonster ?
Posted by P-AngelI don't see how I can control him going away...he chose to text his boss and put himself forward to go on tour, I never did that. I just didn't stop him from going because that would be wrong. I never told him to go anywhere, that was his doing, he chose to do that to see if space would help.
It sounds to me like you are controlling everything. Even this space he gave you, was at YOUR bidding.
Let him actually leave you by his choice, in where YOU realize you're not wanted ...... and let's then see what song you sing.
>Posted by Cake_Anyone
I don't see how I can control him going away...he chose to text his boss and put himself forward to go on tour, I never did that. I just didn't stop him from going because that would be wrong. I never told him to go anywhere, that was his doing, he chose to do that to see if space would help.Posted by Cake_Anyone
But I can't decide what I want, it's part of the reason he went away to give me space but it's made no difference.click to expand
Again, let the tables turn, let him decide that you're not worth it to him, and have you feel like garbage to throw awy as you've done him ......... and then see what song you sing.
Posted by P-AngelAnd how do I do that? How long should I wait for the tables to turn huh? You're a very lovely person, not sure why you bother posting.Posted by Cake_Anyone
I don't see how I can control him going away...he chose to text his boss and put himself forward to go on tour, I never did that. I just didn't stop him from going because that would be wrong. I never told him to go anywhere, that was his doing, he chose to do that to see if space would help.Posted by Cake_Anyone
But I can't decide what I want, it's part of the reason he went away to give me space but it's made no difference.
Again, let the tables turn, let him decide that you're not worth it to him, and have you feel like garbage to throw awy as you've done him ......... and then see what song you sing.click to expand
Posted by GC01So, one whole day has passed that my Capricorn and I haven't been together, nor have we contacted one another. I'm feeling like I do want to text him, but I'm wondering if that feeling is stemming from impulse and habit rather than from a place of love. So, I am not going to contact him tonight. I will see how tomorrow goes.Posted by EvilHareI have clinginess issues.Posted by Cake_AnyoneOnce you've been together for a while, yes, life goes on to a point while the other is gone and those times when they are gone can be be refreshing. People who are attached to one another at all times and get bent out of shape when the other isn't around have clinginess issues.Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeI do feel like room mates tbh. I hate going to bed
i would say it's time for a divorce lol unless you just want another roommate
But once you've reached THIS point...that's something altogether different. I don't envy you.
click to expand
Posted by Sagiluv27Heh
Married couples sometimes need breaks away from each other and that's okay!
I'd like to add that romantic couples of any nature sometimes need breaks away from each other.
Posted by GC01I don't know about completely...he just dropped off some of his weird art.Posted by LillyPetalPosted by GC01So, one whole day has passed that my Capricorn and I haven't been together, nor have we contacted one another. I'm feeling like I do want to text him, but I'm wondering if that feeling is stemming from impulse and habit rather than from a place of love. So, I am not going to contact him tonight. I will see how tomorrow goes.Posted by EvilHareI have clinginess issues.Posted by Cake_AnyoneOnce you've been together for a while, yes, life goes on to a point while the other is gone and those times when they are gone can be be refreshing. People who are attached to one another at all times and get bent out of shape when the other isn't around have clinginess issues.Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeI do feel like room mates tbh. I hate going to bed
i would say it's time for a divorce lol unless you just want another roommate
But once you've reached THIS point...that's something altogether different. I don't envy you.
"Let him go completely
until he realized he was
meant for my side."
-@tachibanasanclick to expand
OP? Have you two ever had the conversation about why you are unhappy in the marriage? Or a conversation about your unhappiness?
Posted by GC01It's in my 'Point of No Return' thread. It's a cluster-cuss of a post, to be honest.Posted by LillyPetalI love weird art!Posted by GC01I don't know about completely...he just dropped off some of his weird art.Posted by LillyPetalPosted by GC01So, one whole day has passed that my Capricorn and I haven't been together, nor have we contacted one another. I'm feeling like I do want to text him, but I'm wondering if that feeling is stemming from impulse and habit rather than from a place of love. So, I am not going to contact him tonight. I will see how tomorrow goes.Posted by EvilHareI have clinginess issues.Posted by Cake_AnyoneOnce you've been together for a while, yes, life goes on to a point while the other is gone and those times when they are gone can be be refreshing. People who are attached to one another at all times and get bent out of shape when the other isn't around have clinginess issues.Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeI do feel like room mates tbh. I hate going to bed
i would say it's time for a divorce lol unless you just want another roommate
But once you've reached THIS point...that's something altogether different. I don't envy you.
"Let him go completely
until he realized he was
meant for my side."
-@tachibanasan
Why aren't y'all talking? Sorry if I might have missed it.click to expand
Marriage doesn't make you happy. You make you happy. Sounds like you're suffering from some unrealistic expectations. If you're "unhappily married" you should be talking to your husband about it and quite possibly a marriage counselor.
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