My Scorpio is confusing me...

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by PeanutBrown on Monday, February 11, 2008 and has 59 replies.
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I am a Cancer and I met this wonderful Scorpio man in June 2007. I wasn't really interested in him, but he seemed really nice and sweet so I casually started seeing him on a friendly level and of course over the next 7 months our relationship blossmed into something wonderful. Even though it took awhile for me to open up to him, he always told me how crazy he was about me and how nuts it was because he never felt this way about anybody before. He constantly left txt mgs and called several times a day and ALWAYS told me how he felt about me.
Now over the last 2 weeks our relationship has taken a different direction. He left to go out of town on January 31st and when he didn't reach out to tell me he made it safely I sent a txt the following day to say hey. I got back a "hey" and I'll call you later. He didn't call until the next day and I didn't answer my phone. So another 2 days went by until he called again and from that point on until he returned our conversations were dry. I even brought it to his attention becuase I felt like he was being distant, bur he said everything was ok.
Long story short...When he came back and we met up he was very cold and distant until I started showering him with affection. He returned the affection and even went on to say that I love you, just in case you have any doubt in your mind. I saw him the next night and again we had this intense conversation and he again told me that he was crazy about me. Yet still he's not calling or texting as much. It takes him hours to return my calls and sometimes the conversation seems forced and distant. So now I'm wondering if he could be dating someone else? I don't want to push him away by seeming needy or insecure, but I need some clarity on where I stand. Please help me... FYI...I did mention that no matter what happens to this relationship I found a really special person and friend...
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Scorpios can be the best friends you can have. Very loyal and honest. However, he may be afraid of how much he likes you if he isn't ready for what he is feeling, or there are circumstances that will make it dificult to get more serious. Give him as much time as you can and yes, ask if he is seeing someone else. Just ask, not that you are guaranteed an honest answer but he will know it is on your radar.
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Thanks QS for your insight...I just couldn't understand how one day I love you and the next you're cold and distant. Right now I just feel so heartbroken...I've been contemplating calling him and then another part of me is just saying..."Walk Away" and "Let it GO"
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No offensive, cancers can be way too clingy at times. Please don't call. BTW, two of my closest friends are cancers, you guys are the best, but a little clingy and pushy. We scorps need our space sometimes. Clinginess drives us nuts!!! I for one, avoid any relationships with cancer men for this reason mainly, also, the moodiness. Although we scorps can be moody as well.
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I don't think chasing is necessary. Put it on the line, let him know how you feel and let him figure it out. Simple. Chasing can eventually annoy us as well. This ofcourse is my opinion. I admit I have been persued in all my relationships, however, when constantly persued without a breather, I tend to run away. Kind of collect my thoughts and take a breath so to speak. Let him miss you. We miss those we care about when they aren't around.
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Thanks QS and FF...This is what I have been contemplating all morning. Yesterday I called him and it took him 3 hours to call him back. I waited 2 hours before I called him back. He called in 30 minutes and the conversation was somewhat dry and only lasted 5 minutes, but he told me to call him before I went to bed. I called him, he didn't pick up and didn't return my phone call. I sent him a text mgs an hour later just simply stating "WOW". When I do that he knows I'm annoyed. He didn't call back until 2 hours after the text. I was asleep but I picked up the phone and all I remember him saying is "Hey Baby" and "I talk to you in the morning". Needless to say he hasn't callled and it's killing me not to pick up the phone. Another thing that threw me for a loop is that he's always been discreet with our relationship when it comes to his friends because we are both currently involved in serious relationships. Both of us just aren't happy in our current situations...and this morning I get a "spiritual" e-mail with my name and 4 of his close friends. So is he trying to send me a hint. If we are a secret to his friends why would he do that?
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Hey Florida Female...When you said that your Scorpio did it in the beginning. How long had you been seeing each other at that point?
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It's been 7 months! I'm trying to go into my shell, but right I feel so vuneralbe and I don't know what else to do. He's not giving me a good vibe...
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Okay he just called...I'm glad that I didn't pick up the phone first. The conversation was decent, but I still felt like I was pulling teeth. I told him I missed him and he said he missed me too...Should I have let him say it first? I also told him that I wanted to spend some time with him on Wednesday and he agreed...Should I have been the first one to initiate spending time? Feeling so vulnerable right now.
Thanks Jada for the info...
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''Let him miss you. We miss those we care about when they aren't around.''
Queenscorpio is right. We like to Think a lot and need a lot of private space and time. During this time, we are mostly THINKING. If you havent been in contact and are doing your own thing - he will then think of you and take the initiative to make contact.
Jada: ''Scorpio males LOVES a woman to be productive and have other interst besides him. ''
He will respect you more if you have another passion in your life besides him. SHOW him that youre independant and dont actually NEED him to be happy. Scorpios dont tend to respect weak people. Clinginess is annoying as we value privacy and personal space. I would feel suffocated if someone kept calling me. It would put me off.
Youre feeling vulnerable like you said - but dont LET him see this vulnerability. He likes a strong, confident woman. Once you are dating and have established an emotional, deep bond - then you can reveal your vulnerabilty. You havent got to that stage yet.
Youre thinking too much into this, Lighten up and things will go alright.
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Thanks Jada and Scorpion Sting you've helped put my mind at ease...I definitely haven't been clingy but I certainly feel like going down that road. I don't call too often. If I call and he doesn't respond I'll usually wait for him to call. Even though in a few instances I got weak. I will go with the flow...You know how we Cancers can be. We always over analyze and often imagine things in our own minds on what the problem could be. If he backs out on Wednesday should I take that as sign that he's pulling away? Would a Scorpio have a hard time being honest if he knew he would hurt that person?
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Thanks sbradock!
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PB: All that calling and not calling nonsense- like we're in high schoolsmile It drives me insane. All the mixed messages on his part. I don't know how to reactsmile One day i think that he really likes me and opens up and being nice. Other days he disappears and doesn't call when he promises. I'm being very patient and don't show my true feelings and beginning to feel like running away. Some people say that scorps and aries aren't a good idea. Don't know what to do...
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''We always over analyze and often imagine things in our own minds on what the problem could be. If he backs out on Wednesday should I take that as sign that he's pulling away? Would a Scorpio have a hard time being honest if he knew he would hurt that person?''
Over analyzing is no good for your mental health - we sometimes create our own 'realities' which distort the actual reality of whats going on. Try not to do this.
Youre a Cancerian... Compatibility and attraction between Scorpios and Cancers is immense. We communicate with eachother with the 'unspoken' word and gestures. Tap into this intuition... which as a water sign you do have good intuition. Use it. We adore you Cancerians.
Also remember we Scorps value our space/time. But if your Scorpio male has already agreed to go out with you on Wednesday - he should stick to his word. I highly doubt he would string you along.
Let us know how it goes on Wednesday.
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Did he ask if you tell your friends about him?
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Ok I know that I am a Drama Queen! LOL... I acknowledge that. He called three times yesterday (the last call I was asleep, so I didn't talk to him). First conversation was dry, but the second conversation he seemed in a better mood. These feelings and emotions are so overwhelming that sometimes it drives me over the edge! I'm a typical Cancer, so I have retreated to my shell a bit, but not so much that I'll close him out completely. I'm going to go with the flow and be patient. I'm going out to an event this evening and he may be there, so you gals keep your fingers crossed for me. :0)
FF: I've decided not to run away just yet ;0)
SS: Thanks so much for your Scorpio insight you've really put my mind at ease. I'll definitely tell you how things go on Wednesday.
AR: I have a small circle of girlfriends and they all know about him. We've all gone out for cocktails.
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LMAO!!!
AR: I meant to say cocktails...
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AR: One thing I have learned about my situation with Scorpio, if you really like him a lot you have to show your TRUE feelings for him. At first my Scorpio was very quiet and kind of shy and I didn't know how to read him, but as soon as I showed him my loving affection side and that I was really into him, he became this passionate, sweet, confident and loving person. That's why I'm so crazy now! :0) So don't hold back, he's needs to feel secure in knowing that you're really into him. If he disappears and doesn't call when he's says, he might be testing to you to see if you really like him. Do you ever reach out to him after a couple of days go by?
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PB- i do reach out and tell him that i want to see him and he positively responses. sometimes i feel weird that i have to do that though. don't want to come off as needy since i'm not sure how he feels about it and it's too soon to ask. i feel weird calling him at home since he leaves with some family members.
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AR: I know that it's hard, but you have to be patient if you really like him. Have you expressed how you feel about him? How crazy you are about him?
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He knows that i like to spend time with him and like to see him. i'm being patient as well. he even told me that i'm patient. sometimes i really miss him and sometimes i'm ready to give up and sometimes i don't expect anything and let things happen naturally. at this point i do like him but i'm not a mushy girl who will call him a hundred times a day telling him how i feel and can't be without him
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AR: It seems as if you got it all under control...Good Luck and let me know how things progress. Patience...Patience...Patience...
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i'm just having an emotional day today! thank pb!!!
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Girl did you say he called 3 times yesterday? What do you want blood? Seriously, we don't like the clinginess. We like to have a chance to just call and see how you are, give him a chance to wonder. Try 2-3 days without calling, answer when he calls only. See what happens after giving him some space. Get a hobby or something. LOL!
Also in the situations the two of you are in with others, he doesn't have time to cater to you if he is in a relationship with someone else, you two decided to be these secret lovers so you can't expect a first class relationship with him unless the two of you dump the others and go full blown, otherwise continue settling for second. This is hard for scorps. I don't know many who can jugle multiple relationships if they are "Truly" in love with one of them. If they all are booty calls that is different.
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QS: Now you have me worried...I didn't call him at all yesterday. Since I didn't pick his last phone call. I sent him a cute little text message that I was thinking about him and to have a great day. Of course I was contemplating on on whether I should be reaching out to him, but when I don't return calls he always says "why haven't you called me?" So I thought I could at least show some form of communication. I'm still sticking by not picking up the phone to call. Do you think I shouldn't have sent the text?
As far as us both being in a relationship. We've had discussions about our significant others.
The reason I'm so attracted to him is because he's passionate, affectionate, attentive and loving. When we are intimate it's like nothing I've ever experienced before. It's not like it's the best loving I had, but it's definitely the most passionate. I don't get this from my current mate...
For him he says that he never had a woman like me before. Affectionate, sweet, genuine, loving...He has made it known that he and his mate are great friends and have a good partnership, but that as far has it goes. He always speaks highly of her.
We both discuss what's going on in our relationships. It's complicated, but we both know that we don't plan on leaving out current situations because children are involved and our loyalty to them (I guess I have a lot of nerve talking about loyalty given the circumstances)
I've never considered myself to be clingy in this relationship because he's always been the one to show more affection and he was always the one who did majority of the calling. It's just lately; I'm not feeling the love. One instance he'll take hours to call back, won't respond the text messages and his conversation has been dry. When I see him it's the total opposite..."I love you, I'm crazy about you, I know it's wrong what we are doing, but I don't ever want to stop." WTF! I don't know...Today I have the attitude that if I hear from him...Fine. If not...Fine. I'm getting tired...
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Ok...Maybe I'm not fine, because now I'm starting to stress...But I am in "getting tired stage"...
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And this is how it will continue, because you can't have all of him. By the way, if the relationships are fine, why cheat? Children are not a reason to stay. I know I tried in a marriage. However, if your other relationships are fine, then he is mostly committed to her and is cheating with you, you are pacerfying what she isn't doing. So you can't demand more than what you are to him. Scorps are mostly loyal to partners, so if he is with you too, it isn't perfect, but if he speaks highly of her, that is where most of his loyalty lies, so he gets to you when he can. You can't really expect more. Because you are "the other woman" not " the woman".
It is what it is sweety.
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BTW, you might not be the only "other woman" either.
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OK...I'm about to break. I'm trying to be strong. Do you think when I talk to him that I should ask if his feelings are still the same? Should I tell him that I don't feel like we're connecting anymore?
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Thanks for the brutal honesty QS...It's very hard to hear, but it's what I need to hear.
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sorry about your situation. do you both live with your respective partners? how do you text/call/see each other?
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We both live with our partners and we see each other about twice a week. We use to text/call frequently, but as of late he doesn't call as much, it takes him hours to return calls and today I sent him a text at 10am and I have not heard from him. When I saw him this past Friday he was all into me, but these past few days he's had me so confused...he's been distant
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***Thanks for the brutal honesty QS...It's very hard to hear, but it's what I need to hear.***
No problem, I honestly don't know how to sugar coat, not even with myself. So brutal honesty isn't personal coming from me, just meant to be helpful. Hell, I hurt my own feelings sometimes with my brutal honesty. Good luck in whatever choice you make.
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Why don't you both take this opportunity to cut this off and be honest partners to the ones you are with if you are planning to stay with them? Especially if children are involved. Think about it. If you get caught all the pain that can follow and there is probably going to be a break up after that from your prospective partners, or, you can break up with them amicably and be together. Only if it is that serious, if not, then this isn't worth the trouble.
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Thanks QS and IL for the feedback...
QS:***Why don't you both take this opportunity to cut this off and be honest partners to the ones you are with if you are planning to stay with them?***
It's funny that you said that. I actually met him last night for a drink and I was for sure this was going to be the end because of his erratic behavior and at least I'll get some closure. The total opposite happened...He told me that we was acting distant because he felt he was getting too close to me (even though that sounded strange to me), the guilt from both our current situations and he's got a lot of personal stuff going on in his life concerning his finances and career. He told me that he thinks about me all the time, that he was crazy about me and that he loved me and even though he knows this is not right he doesn't want to let me go. He said he knew his behavior had changed and he also wanted to see how I would react to it, to see if my feelings for him were just as strong. He said that he couldn't figure me out (ain't that funny). Why are Scorpio's always testing you?
I agree Queen Scorpio, we should try to fix what we have at home, but it's so complicated. He and I are both committed to our partners (I know that might sound crazy)and we both have said that we don't plan on leaving them. Do you believe you can love one person and be "in love" with someone else? I've been with my partner for 9 years and not once have I ever stepped outside our relationship until now. That's why this is so crazy for me! I didn't go seeking this. I actually wasn't interested in him in the beginning. We just connected on a level that I've never experienced before. I can't explain it. We have this amazing soul connection. I know what the right thing is to do. Maybe we'll both have to come to the realization that it's never going to go any further and would it be worth it if our significant others were to find out. How devastating it would be for everyone involved. Just as he respect, cares and loves his partner. I respect, care and love mine as well. WOW...This really is an f_ _cked up situation!
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PB: life is a complicated thing as we all know. sometimes we meet right people at a very wrong time of our lives. my aunt met her late husband when both of them were married. they had a long term affair then divorces and they stayed together for a very long time and very happy until he died. both of them have daughters from previous marriages. she has 1 and he had 2 (from 2 marriages before my aunt) all grandchildren call her grandmother and very close to her.
not to put more thoughts in your mind: what will happen if any of your partners find out about your situation?
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AG: That's a very interesting about your Aunt. You never know what direction this may take, but I know right now that I'm not in that space. I know on my end my partner would be devastated. I don't know how his partner would react.
How are you and you're Scorpio doing?
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he got in touch very briefly. we'll see but i didn't get a stupid v.day invite. i don't care about this holiday at all but still would be nice. got an invite from someone i have no interest it but lied to him and said that i'm going away today. don't want to waste the guys time- he's really good but not for me.
i found out that both of my parents had affairs through marriages. one of the male family friends was always very nice to me and then i found out that he was my mom's lover for a very long time and wanted her to leave my dad and he would leave his wife for my mom. it's all insane. but they've been married for about 40 years by now and fight like cats and dogs but wouldn't leave each other.
i cheated on my 1st bf with someone i knew for a very long time. the guy i cheated with was very similar to me and we had incredible connection. i left my bf for him and we were together for a few years afterwards. but the weird thing was that he didn't trust me because i cheated on my bf that time. i'd tell him that i did it with him and left bf for him. didn't help. that was the only relationship i ever cheated. things didn't work at the end and it was for the best.
just make sure you take care of youself and your kids 1st and foremost.
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Thanks AG...They day is not over. You still may get V day invite...Maybe you should take the other guy up on his offer. It doesn't hurt to let someone treat you to a nice dinner ;O)
I hate that I've gotten caught up in this affair. It really has my head spinning and it's really not healthy. Following my heart and not my head...Only if I could do the opposite it would be so easy to let go. It's interesting that your parents both stepped outside the marriage, but managed to stay together. Life can be so complicated sometimes. Then again maybe it's not life that's complicated, it's me that's making it complicated. I appreciate your concern about putting the kids 1st...That is the one thing that weighs heavy on my mind...
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For all you Scorpios and all you who have dealt with Scorpio men...
Is it the deeper a Scorpio falls the more their behavior changes and they start to put their guard up?
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***He told me that we was acting distant because he felt he was getting too close to me (even though that sounded strange to me), the guilt from both our current situations and he's got a lot of personal stuff going on in his life concerning his finances and career. He told me that he thinks about me all the time, that he was crazy about me and that he loved me and even though he knows this is not right he doesn't want to let me go.***
Almost the exact words my scorp friends said to me, when I told him I knew we couldn't be long-term prospects, after I got him to accept that. Weird. For difference reasons ofcourse.
***Do you believe you can love one person and be "in love" with someone else?***
Absolutely, this has happened to me a time or two.
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Peanut looks like you have to accept it for what it is, being "the other woman" or let it go. You can't expect too much more than what it is in this situation. You are not "the" woman his first partner is.
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***Is it the deeper a Scorpio falls the more their behavior changes and they start to put their guard up?***
It is when they think their feelings are getting way out of control to a point of no return. (especially in your situation). He loves and respects his partner as you do yours, and isn't planning on leaving her, but if he gets "too close" to you, he might not be able to return to said partner, and start wanting to be with you and that isn't an option at the moment. It is hard for scorps to juggle more than one lover if they "truly" love one. It all becomes too much. One will always have the upper hand. Libra men are the only sign I know who can juggle lovers without much stress. But then most are emotionally detached unlike the scorp guys.
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PB: maybe you shoud post this as a separate topic. i'm sure you'll get some unbiased responses from people who don't know your story. might give you a better perspective on things.
"For all you Scorpios and all you who have dealt with Scorpio men...
Is it the deeper a Scorpio falls the more their behavior changes and they start to put their guard up?"
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Is it the deeper a Scorpio falls the more their behavior changes and they start to put their guard up?"
Yes, the behaviour changes...as it does with anyone. When I have fallen Deep in love - I put my guard DOWN with that person - not UP.
If I love someone - It means I TRUST them and confide in them. Without TRUST and LOYALTY - there is no love.

Your Scorpio is probably putting his guard up because hes not sure.
Note: When a Scorpio falls in love - we put our Mind, Body and Soul into the relationship. This is a strong bond.
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Queen...I love you for telling it like it is!!! ;o)
He and I had "that" discussion about our significant others, and we we're both in agreement that if this situation starts to affect home that we would need to step back. So we both are fully aware that we are "the other woman/man". He respects home and so do I (as nuts as it may sound). At this point in this "outside" relationship, if it started to affect home I would walk away.
My concern was with the way his behavior changed. It just threw me for a loop. But you're right I have to take the situation for what it is. Nothing more...Nothing less...I think I may have set my expectations too high on something that can never truly evolve.
Strangely enough...He's back to his normal self...For now...Until the next mood swing! OMG!!! What am I doing???
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I would have jumped off the bridge if it wasn't for all this Scorpion insight. LOL...This almost like therapy :0)
SS: Maybe I shouldn't have said guard up, but more like being distant. Last night we had a really good conversation and we talked about "our" feelings and about his financial situation and what's going on with his son in school. So I feel like he has opened up to me (as much as a Scorpio can). We even talked today and everything seems back to normal, and he told me that I needed to open up more and that I was holding back (you know us Cancer's can be very guarded with what we reveal to people).
QS: Thanks again...
AG: If this gets any deeper I will start a new topic...
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AM: I know that I'm the "woman" on the side...He's also the "man" on the side. I too belong to someone else. I'm not being gullible sweetie...I'm fully aware of what I've gotten myself into.
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***Yes, the behaviour changes...as it does with anyone. When I have fallen Deep in love - I put my guard DOWN with that person - not UP.***
SS, this is true if the situation is doable. What if the situation doesn't allow the scorp to have the relationship they might want and their feelings are getting deeper and deeper involved but it isn't the right time - This my dear, is when I find they put the guard up, but will express to you the reason as well as stress how much they love you and go as far to say they will love you forever. But the circumstances at the time don't allow them to act on those feelings. Get it?
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***He's not your Scorpio....he belongs to someone else.
Move on.***
Sorry P-nut gotta agree with AM there.
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