New drama...
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by ariesgirl402 on Thursday, March 12, 2009 and has 18 replies.
since there was no new dramas on here lately i decided to create a drama full topic. i've been with my scorp bf for a while now & everything is going nice & all. except, i just found that he was withholding some info from me and lied to me on some occasions. i do not understand why. recently he went on a business trip with few coworkers and one of them had his gf with him. when i asked my bf who's coming on the trip he told me about all the guys but didn't mention the her. i assume, he was afraid i'd want to go. i don't understand why he did that since i can't go anyways. there were few times when he told me that he had to take clients out at night but instead he had a boys night out. once he addmitted that he lied about it and it made him feel bad. there are few other occasions when he did a similar thing and i don't understand why??? unless he doesn't want me to be part of his life. on the other hand he's very attentive & affectionate when we're together. stays over every single night. sometimes he mentions plans for the future and sometime he says that he wants to do thing on his own. i got to the point when i'm really confused and hurt by what he's doing and don't understand why he's doing that. i would never take over his life but can't handle it. i'm going to have to talk to him & afraid it might be it. i don't expect him to propose right now since he's not in the position & his view of marriages is a little obscured but i won't be kept in the dark and have him lie to me. i'm not afraid that he's cheating since i'm pretty sure he's not. but all that stupid lying is really damaging our relationship and i can't deal with it anymore. thanks for letting me vent here...
"But as far as him seeming to want you in his life all the way and then wanting to be on his own just sounds like he either is not real sure or he has some small commitment issues or both.." - exactly. it's like he lives a double life here. one with me and one with other ppl. he once said that i get the best of him and his personality. i think he act like a total alpha male around his boys and when he's with me he's totally a nice guy. deep down he's a nice guy. probably, he's afraid to loose "him image" in front of his boys if i'll go out with them. i don't care about his boys at all. i don't lie to him at all and don't want anyone to lie to me. particularly, if it is something so stupid as in his case. that makes me mad!
"I??d say ur projecting a clingy, possessive and possibly controlling energy." - i can guarantee that i act 95% of total opposite. i hate that in ppl & wouldn't do that to anyone.
thanks for the "energy throw" theory!! that's something i should think about as well. i think some of it could be me but majority of it it is his past experiences and somewhat convoluted opionions of relationships. maybe, u'r right & i should give it another try. i'll just never bring up any issues pertaining this. as a matter of fact, that is the only issue in the relationship & nothing else. thanx madalena!!!
thanks for the "energy throw" theory!! that's something i should think about as well. i think some of it could be me but majority of it it is his past experiences and somewhat convoluted opionions of relationships. maybe, u'r right & i should give it another try. i'll just never bring up any issues pertaining this. as a matter of fact, that is the only issue in the relationship & nothing else. thanx madalena!!!
sunny ram- yes, very same. he's gotten so much better except this one stupid thing. drives me insane
I don't know about him but all the scorp men I know are like that or have been one way or another. Keeps their personal home life/relationships totally separate from other aspects of their lives. Some actually have other women and others actual love the woman they are with but rather not mix the two worlds per se.
Ariesgirl, you guys should really have a heart-to-heart. Tell him what you are telling us. Scorp men lie when they feel they will hurt a loved one, or when they feel there will be coflict IMO, until the two of you get an understanding how important honesty is to you. He would go balistic if you lied to him. The old double standard scorpio male.
I personally wouldn't feel the need to tell my signifigant other about someone taking a BF or GF on a business trip. It's none of my business and it wouldn't even fly on my radar as news worthy.
Him lying about going out with the boys? Hmmm... if he told you he was going out would you ask to come along? Just curious because it may be that he needs space but he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
Talk to him. Tell him to be HONEST with you. You're an Aries you can handle the truth even a Scorpio truth (which can be very brutal). Let him have his space without giving him a hassle and talk to him. I'm a Scorpio with an Aries and we are very honest with each other. It's hard for me to come out with it sometimes but I want "us" to work so I have to spill even when I don't want to. Only for him of course
Him lying about going out with the boys? Hmmm... if he told you he was going out would you ask to come along? Just curious because it may be that he needs space but he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
Talk to him. Tell him to be HONEST with you. You're an Aries you can handle the truth even a Scorpio truth (which can be very brutal). Let him have his space without giving him a hassle and talk to him. I'm a Scorpio with an Aries and we are very honest with each other. It's hard for me to come out with it sometimes but I want "us" to work so I have to spill even when I don't want to. Only for him of course
thanx for all your comments. it kind of makes sense that he separates his business affairs and me as his personal life. it just bothers me that his business ppl go to business affairs with their gfs and he doesn't take me. now that i care about his associates but he act itself is annoying.
wait, would you pack up and go with him or is this about the principle of him not 'asking' you? or telling you about others going with their other halves at the risk you would wanna come with? 
As aries female, curiosity prob drives you to wanna know a bit about much of what people around you are doing... you gotta ask yourself, do you really care? because scorp guys control a lot about their business and only let you in as much as they want, you can't change this unless they want to... do you wanna rock the boat based on this? but like someone already pointed out, what is your attitude to handling him? confrontational? Aries generally sees secretiveness as dishonesty, Scorp sees openness as potential for disloyalty, so i dunno...
On the other hand, sharing aspects of personal lives improves the relationship bonds as withholding just drives a wedge.
If you ask him about work and projects, is he responsive? and how much does he let out? this is the 1st clue to show you what he wants you to know... just chill for a minute,if he wants you in, you don't have to do all of this, on the other hand, relationship is about communication so he may be stuck in his way of doing things? Are you insecure and he's sensing it?
God my head hurts!
As aries female, curiosity prob drives you to wanna know a bit about much of what people around you are doing... you gotta ask yourself, do you really care? because scorp guys control a lot about their business and only let you in as much as they want, you can't change this unless they want to... do you wanna rock the boat based on this? but like someone already pointed out, what is your attitude to handling him? confrontational? Aries generally sees secretiveness as dishonesty, Scorp sees openness as potential for disloyalty, so i dunno...
On the other hand, sharing aspects of personal lives improves the relationship bonds as withholding just drives a wedge.
If you ask him about work and projects, is he responsive? and how much does he let out? this is the 1st clue to show you what he wants you to know... just chill for a minute,if he wants you in, you don't have to do all of this, on the other hand, relationship is about communication so he may be stuck in his way of doing things? Are you insecure and he's sensing it?
God my head hurts!
yes, it can be you a headache. yes, i want to be asked and made part of his life. yes, i don't like when someone feels like not disclosing all info to me. yes, i'd like to share and keep some aspects of our lives private. yes, i want what everybody else wants. yes, i don't care if he senses that i'm insecure since he's done who's causing it and he knows it. yes, sometimes i feel like he does things to piss me off on purpose to see my reaction
"it's like he lives a double life here. one with me and one with other ppl."
I wonder if he comes to dxp upset because his woman does things with her girls, and he takes the attitude that the only reason she could possibly want to do things with her girls is because she is slighting him, like he doesn't mean enough to her?
lol ... clingy, possessive attitude you got there ... you obviously don't want your partner to feel like he's allowed to live unless you have approved of it first. In other words ... there's not a goddamn thing wrong with a person wanting to spend quality time with their friends, without thier partners present.
And I'm nearly certain that you make him lie to you about when he's with his friends. Reading between the lines ... it's easy to come to this conclusion.
The first thing you mention here, in which you call drama is the fact that he didn't tell you about a business associate bringing a girlfriend along, and you don't like this because you view it as withholding information from you, and you actually believing that you have a right to know what his business associate decides to do with his own life. You have no clue how this went down .. it's possible that nobody knew this girlfriend was coming until she boarded the plane ... but, instead of believing your boyfriend, you automatically suspect foul play on his end to make the conclusion that he's withholding this intentionally, for purposes of harming your feelings in some way.
that makes you a clingy, controlling and possessive person.
I wonder if he comes to dxp upset because his woman does things with her girls, and he takes the attitude that the only reason she could possibly want to do things with her girls is because she is slighting him, like he doesn't mean enough to her?
lol ... clingy, possessive attitude you got there ... you obviously don't want your partner to feel like he's allowed to live unless you have approved of it first. In other words ... there's not a goddamn thing wrong with a person wanting to spend quality time with their friends, without thier partners present.
And I'm nearly certain that you make him lie to you about when he's with his friends. Reading between the lines ... it's easy to come to this conclusion.
The first thing you mention here, in which you call drama is the fact that he didn't tell you about a business associate bringing a girlfriend along, and you don't like this because you view it as withholding information from you, and you actually believing that you have a right to know what his business associate decides to do with his own life. You have no clue how this went down .. it's possible that nobody knew this girlfriend was coming until she boarded the plane ... but, instead of believing your boyfriend, you automatically suspect foul play on his end to make the conclusion that he's withholding this intentionally, for purposes of harming your feelings in some way.
that makes you a clingy, controlling and possessive person.
You later say such things as ..
"it kind of makes sense that he separates his business affairs and me as his personal life. it just bothers me that his business ppl go to business affairs with their gfs and he doesn't take me. now that i care about his associates but he act itself is annoying."
What you are saying there ^^^^^ is that now that you care about his business associates, then you think you should have a right to be present on business trips if other associates make a decision in their life to bring somebody.
And if this is a "should" happen based on that you now care about his associates ... then it would also be present when he goes to play with his mates, if you also have a care about them.
If you have presented to him an attitude that he should have told you, or invited you on this business trip because you "care" now about his associates .... then this is a red flag waving in his face about you, telling him that you will think you deserve to be present when he visits his mates as well, because you now "care" about his mates.
In order for him to get privacy from you, he will then have to lie to you about it.
On the relationships board (I think it was relationship) .. Starfish posted a thread about how a person knows when it is The One, and I think you should go and read it ... for a member of a partnership should be allowed to have mates without having a jealous and possessive partner standing there bitching about it.
And that is what I gather here, reading the energy that you are projecting that is the feeling behind the impulse of your words here that is expressing your actions .......
.... that you are making him feel like he has slighted you without justification, which is leading him to lie to you, so he can live.
What his business associates do, isn't controllable by him, nor his business .. but, you obviously put his back against the all about it
what he does with his personal mates is none of your business, and your place, if you love him, is to want him to have a life .... but, you obviously put his back against the wall about it, so since he is going to continue living, he will have to lie to you.
"it kind of makes sense that he separates his business affairs and me as his personal life. it just bothers me that his business ppl go to business affairs with their gfs and he doesn't take me. now that i care about his associates but he act itself is annoying."
What you are saying there ^^^^^ is that now that you care about his business associates, then you think you should have a right to be present on business trips if other associates make a decision in their life to bring somebody.
And if this is a "should" happen based on that you now care about his associates ... then it would also be present when he goes to play with his mates, if you also have a care about them.
If you have presented to him an attitude that he should have told you, or invited you on this business trip because you "care" now about his associates .... then this is a red flag waving in his face about you, telling him that you will think you deserve to be present when he visits his mates as well, because you now "care" about his mates.
In order for him to get privacy from you, he will then have to lie to you about it.
On the relationships board (I think it was relationship) .. Starfish posted a thread about how a person knows when it is The One, and I think you should go and read it ... for a member of a partnership should be allowed to have mates without having a jealous and possessive partner standing there bitching about it.
And that is what I gather here, reading the energy that you are projecting that is the feeling behind the impulse of your words here that is expressing your actions .......
.... that you are making him feel like he has slighted you without justification, which is leading him to lie to you, so he can live.
What his business associates do, isn't controllable by him, nor his business .. but, you obviously put his back against the all about it
what he does with his personal mates is none of your business, and your place, if you love him, is to want him to have a life .... but, you obviously put his back against the wall about it, so since he is going to continue living, he will have to lie to you.
wow!!! P-Angel- as usual you took it all the way to the negative extreme. if i'd be clingy & posssive he'd never be with me. and i'm not like that at all. i believe i should know when i ask who's going. the scenario that no one knew until she boarded the plane is simply absurd.
"If you have presented to him an attitude that he should have told you, or invited you on this business trip because you "care" now about his associates .... then this is a red flag waving in his face about you, telling him that you will think you deserve to be present when he visits his mates as well, because you now "care" about his mates" - what????
'what he does with his personal mates is none of your business, and your place, if you love him, is to want him to have a life .... but, you obviously put his back against the wall about it, so since he is going to continue living, he will have to lie to you." - again what????
"If you have presented to him an attitude that he should have told you, or invited you on this business trip because you "care" now about his associates .... then this is a red flag waving in his face about you, telling him that you will think you deserve to be present when he visits his mates as well, because you now "care" about his mates" - what????
'what he does with his personal mates is none of your business, and your place, if you love him, is to want him to have a life .... but, you obviously put his back against the wall about it, so since he is going to continue living, he will have to lie to you." - again what????
Nope, I didn't take it to the negative extreme .. you did.
You just don't know it .. you think what you've done is positive, and this is why it has escaped your reasoning as to why it's happening. You cannot understand it, why would he do this, what the fuck is the matter with him.
when there's nothing the matter with him .... there is however somethign the matter with you ... because you are only going to be treated by person according to how you treat them. So, if a person is lying to you or hiding something from you .... then this is in accordance with how you are treating them, reflections.
You are getting negative treatment from him, reflectively .... this isn't my extremes .. it's yours .... you can either hear it for gain, or deny it for self stagnation.
Your choice .. either way, it doesn't effect me, only you.
You just don't know it .. you think what you've done is positive, and this is why it has escaped your reasoning as to why it's happening. You cannot understand it, why would he do this, what the fuck is the matter with him.
when there's nothing the matter with him .... there is however somethign the matter with you ... because you are only going to be treated by person according to how you treat them. So, if a person is lying to you or hiding something from you .... then this is in accordance with how you are treating them, reflections.
You are getting negative treatment from him, reflectively .... this isn't my extremes .. it's yours .... you can either hear it for gain, or deny it for self stagnation.
Your choice .. either way, it doesn't effect me, only you.
"If you have presented to him an attitude that he should have told you, or invited you on this business trip because you "care" now about his associates .... then this is a red flag waving in his face about you, telling him that you will think you deserve to be present when he visits his mates as well, because you now "care" about his mates" - what????
Am I going too fast for you?
Do you need it to be said slower?
"it just bothers me that his business ppl go to business affairs with their gfs and he doesn't take me. now that i care about his associates but he act itself is annoying."
First of all .. it was ONE co-worker, above it has become plural .. so you know what plural means? Too fast for you?
Second you said .. now that you care about his associates .. and that was said as an afterthought to the before sentence of ... it just bothers me that his business ppl go to business affairs with their gfs and he doesn't take me.
That ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is a behavioural attitude you've made present as an impression of yourself. If you are upset enough to make this thread and bothered by it ... then certainly, this is how you project yourself in your relationship. You are emitting energy to suggest to him that you felt slighted in him not taking you on this trip, since no other SO were going and this one woman got to go ... that is giving him a sense of you feeling like he's done something intentionally to harm your feelings in some way.
There's no doubt in my mind that you have given him this impression .. that you feel left-out, you were made to feel unspecial by this ... so, since he is aware that you will (((( react )))) like this, and since he's not going to stop playing with his mates, nor should he stop ... the only recourse you leave him is to lie to you.
For he now knows, if he tells you the truth .... you will likely go pout and sulk, and say you now care about his friends, so you should be allowed to go too.
Just like with his associates .. you now care about his co-workers, so he should have taken you.
If your mind is too slow to get that ... sorry, not my problem.
Am I going too fast for you?
Do you need it to be said slower?
"it just bothers me that his business ppl go to business affairs with their gfs and he doesn't take me. now that i care about his associates but he act itself is annoying."
First of all .. it was ONE co-worker, above it has become plural .. so you know what plural means? Too fast for you?
Second you said .. now that you care about his associates .. and that was said as an afterthought to the before sentence of ... it just bothers me that his business ppl go to business affairs with their gfs and he doesn't take me.
That ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is a behavioural attitude you've made present as an impression of yourself. If you are upset enough to make this thread and bothered by it ... then certainly, this is how you project yourself in your relationship. You are emitting energy to suggest to him that you felt slighted in him not taking you on this trip, since no other SO were going and this one woman got to go ... that is giving him a sense of you feeling like he's done something intentionally to harm your feelings in some way.
There's no doubt in my mind that you have given him this impression .. that you feel left-out, you were made to feel unspecial by this ... so, since he is aware that you will (((( react )))) like this, and since he's not going to stop playing with his mates, nor should he stop ... the only recourse you leave him is to lie to you.
For he now knows, if he tells you the truth .... you will likely go pout and sulk, and say you now care about his friends, so you should be allowed to go too.
Just like with his associates .. you now care about his co-workers, so he should have taken you.
If your mind is too slow to get that ... sorry, not my problem.
again wow!!! so, basically according to you it's all my fault and none of his
so, if he'd beat me up tomorrow you'd blame me for provoking him?
so, if he'd beat me up tomorrow you'd blame me for provoking him?
"again wow!!! so, basically according to you it's all my fault and none of his
so, if he'd beat me up tomorrow you'd blame me for provoking him?"
Go back through my written words .. when you find words to describe your boyfriend beating you up ... I'll comment on it.
It is your fault that you have no control over yourself, however .... apparantly you love drama, even the title of this threads suggests that drama is absent and perhaps you need to rectify that situation.
Maybe you should think about that ...
so, if he'd beat me up tomorrow you'd blame me for provoking him?"
Go back through my written words .. when you find words to describe your boyfriend beating you up ... I'll comment on it.
It is your fault that you have no control over yourself, however .... apparantly you love drama, even the title of this threads suggests that drama is absent and perhaps you need to rectify that situation.
Maybe you should think about that ...
If you choose to be ignorant to what is really happening in your life .... sobeit, it's not me who suffers and is in here crying about being slighted by her man.
that would be you who has a man problem in the fact that he doesn't trust you enough to tell you the truth about his comings and goings ....
Then when someone does tell you the truth ... you flip out, like a person with little, if any self control ... is this how you behave what few times he has tried to tell you the truth?
I should think I would lie to you also.
Good luck with that.
that would be you who has a man problem in the fact that he doesn't trust you enough to tell you the truth about his comings and goings ....
Then when someone does tell you the truth ... you flip out, like a person with little, if any self control ... is this how you behave what few times he has tried to tell you the truth?
I should think I would lie to you also.
Good luck with that.
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