Quick simple opinion

Posted by heliumfiasco
So, I just had a very simple, flirtatious convo with the Scorp guy i'm seeing. He said he couldn't hang cause he is going to a Stanley Cup party tonight at his friends house( who I have never met). We joked around for awhile me stating that "It's cute when you pretend you dont have feelings :::hugs:::" Just messing around. He said he had to go and would see me Saturday. I Replied "No, I've decided to go ahead and go to the party with you tonight. What should I bring?" To my surprise he says "My house is kind of messy I wasn't planning on having company over." I say "I don't care. Do you prefer Bleu Cheese or Ranch dip for a veggie platter. And where should I meet you?" I'm still playing, mind you!!! His final response "I guess meet me at my house about 7". I said "See you there "

Sooooo... Was this totally intrusive of me??? Should I actually go? I've never met his friends or anything. I don't want to show up and creep him out. I live an hour away! haha

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by heliumfiasco
So, I just had a very simple, flirtatious convo with the Scorp guy i'm seeing. He said he couldn't hang cause he is going to a Stanley Cup party tonight at his friends house( who I have never met). We joked around for awhile me stating that "It's cute when you pretend you dont have feelings :::hugs:::" Just messing around. He said he had to go and would see me Saturday. I Replied "No, I've decided to go ahead and go to the party with you tonight. What should I bring?" To my surprise he says "My house is kind of messy I wasn't planning on having company over." I say "I don't care. Do you prefer Bleu Cheese or Ranch dip for a veggie platter. And where should I meet you?" I'm still playing, mind you!!! His final response "I guess meet me at my house about 7". I said "See you there "

Sooooo... Was this totally intrusive of me??? Should I actually go? I've never met his friends or anything. I don't want to show up and creep him out. I live an hour away! haha

Yes, it's intrusive and a turn off imo.

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Posted by ellessque

Personally, I'm might kind of like the intrusiveness if it was someone I was digging.

Posted by ellessque
....and oh yeah.....
YOU HAVE TO GO NOW.
He's probably running around the house spot cleaning all the things he might think you'll see!

Posted by ellessque
this why libra and scorp don't always go together nicely.

Posted by Neurotoxin
Oh. Friends? I don't think so.

Posted by FUM
I'd suggest you go now!

Posted by Neurotoxin
I bet this guy feels like he's trying to catch a fly with chopsticks.
Just sayin...

Posted by ellessque
helium, you are kind of playing games and being too coy at the same time. It's confusing.
It's like you want him to give *you* an ultimatum, but he's not going to do that. If he has to let you go (when you move), he's already mentally prepared for that. Don't expect him to come running into your arms libra-fairy-tale style , because that's not going to happen.
If someone doesn't want to be in our lives and have made arrangements to exit, it's not likely we are going to stop them. *shrugs*

Posted by seraph
never mind.

Posted by LetltB
Your first post I would say spoke of desperation. The above post^^^shows your true character and good for him you are leaving. How do you react when a guy fucks with you I wonder.


For the record..he caught on and I'm sure friendship is off the table.

Posted by heliumfiasco
I did go.
He did clean his entire house and made fun of me for inviting myself over the entire night. I just said to him "You could have said no. Did you not wait for me? Looks like you did. Excuse me for wanting to see you face" haha
It was a small gathering. I mostly let him be and made friends with everyone and did my own thing. Afterwards, I went home and he seemed irritated by that. He always seems so fucking distant but if I do anything I'm punished and noted. I don't get it.
I've decided to move to another state for a job. When I told him I was, he avoided it and acted as though I said nothing. He has now not spoken to me since. We usually talk everyday. I don't understand why he would even care. He is the one that said "I have strong feelings for you, but I'm mentally fucked and can't handle this right now." I was hoping we could remain friendly until I left but he is fuming. Did he expect me to sit around and wait for him? I already have for a year. Fuck that noise. Now he is posting rude comments about my move on Facebook, saying "Who are you Bill Gates? Where are you getting the money for this move?"
I'm hoping we can be friends.

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Posted by heliumfiasco
No ultimatum of any kind. I know that wouldn't fly with a Scorpio
We have both been discussing for a long time a desire to get out of New England. I text him and said "Want to move to Austin, with me?" His reply "I've actually been thinking of Atlanta. etc..." I told him I thought it would be good for him to make that move and that this area was holding him back. I said I was actually moving and had given my notice to work.
:::Crickets::: ****Few hours later he leaves snide comments on my Facebook wall about my move
**** Few more hours I ask "You still want to do something this weekend?" His reply "Ehhhhhh". I then sent two more messages "No?" and "Why not?"... Nothing....... He still hasn't even mentioned the move to me directly or even said "good luck" or anything. This morning (3 days later) he sends me a text about Aaron Hernandez from the Patriots as if nothing happened and then goes silent.... Ughhh... ok?

Posted by Draumstafir
This just hurts my head. He made a big risk letting you into his 'domain' with his guy friends and them all being casual and doing what they'd normally do. That's like letting you stick a toe in his inner circle. and his inner circle accepted you. You made friends and then were inobtrusive by "doing your own thing". While playing it cool and distracting you from his thoughts as much as possible, he was probably thinking something along the lines of "Ermygawd I LOVE this! This was the right move!" and you were definitely part of his trusted group. He wanted to celebrate by having you for longer. You went home instead, which was confusing for him but something small enough to handle. Of course his libido was all worked up so he channeled it into analyzing, which is something we... do. A lot. And he's analyzing where he might've made mistakes that night and what was good and what was bad. And jealous that his friends liked you because they're guys too. And happy that they did because everyone in a close-knit group is supposed to like each other for it to be nice and stable.
And as he's reveling in the fact that by taking the risk and letting you in, you were more good and less bad, and that this could go further and possibly last the long haul... you up and move to another state. The long-distance thing just doesn't work. Scorpio is "all or none" and by going long-distance, you just made yourself a 'none'. Right when he's happy about you being so close to 'all'.
Time would be the only cure. You're confused. He's hurt. But he'll never let you know unless he's hurt enough to want to sting you with it.

Posted by heliumfiasco
Trust me, I don't want to be the chick asking the same question in a different format and getting the same advice and not properly taking it.

Posted by seraph
I don't know exactly what he's doing to possibly engender your lack of confidence in him and the relationship, so I can't comment on what he should do to improve the situation. His language suggests he takes you for granted, that he doesn't see you as an exciting challenge, and that he's experiencing too much of you too quickly. He feels smothered, and is probably at a point where you're more convenient than you are inspirational.
You're holding on too tight because you fear losing. This points to issues - on your end - of self-acceptance. It really isn't about him having to constantly reassure you. That isn't a man's job. Once the engine is fixed it's fixed. It doesn't need constant re-checking. Your grip on him is causing you to dissolve *your* boundaries and encroach on *his*. You don't invite yourself out to a night with the boys. That's incredibly tacky. You're his woman, not his mom....
Maybe he has things to work on, maybe he doesn't. But you certainly do. It isn't any fundamental astro miscommunication that's going on. It's your self-confidence and the way in which you view romantic relationships - namely, as a way to address externally what you yourself need to address internally.

Posted by Neurotoxin

Posted by follealicat
Some people on this board clearly can't read. This man said to her in plain English "I have strong feelings for you, but I'm mentally treetrunked and can't handle this right now." FUUUCK THAT. move on! I would believe what a man says to you. If he means it, he just said he doesn't want a relationship, so stop contacting him. If he doesn't mean it, who the fuck wants to date a big baby who plays games instead of honestly communicating like a healthy adult?
I've seen how my own father, a Scorpio, acts with women who he dates that he doesn't really like. He plays games and says hurtful things yet sticks around. He'll admit to me that he's just bored or lonely. I'm not saying this is the case for him but when a man is crazy about you, he won't try to hurt you.
You're allowed to move and live your own life- are you freaking engaged to him? Is he promising anything to you for you to want to stay with him - which is a life altering decision? Don't be his play thing!

Whoa whoa whoa...hold up. Enough with the hyperbolic personal attacks.
If he said he had feelings, but wasn't ready to commit, what's wrong with that? If he knew he wasn't in a good place mentally and emotionally, shouldn't he be telling that to her, instead of being dishonest and jumping on anyways and making things worse? You seem to imply that people aren't allowed to be a little emotionally unavailable at times or aren't allowed to take things slowly. Don't try to apply your own propensity for jumping in feet first and throwing caution to the wind to everyone.
With that said, at any point in time, the OP was more than free to simply walk away. She didn't. She's just as guilty in this for simply saying no I'm not waiting for you.

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Posted by Xin
@Helium
I kinda feel bad for you right now cause I went through this same exact thing a while back with my Scorpio. I found myself over thinking it. It was a constant push/pull, he would vanish, then come back profess his love, vanish again, like a vicious circle. I never understood it. I figured with men if they are REALLY interested in you they won't do this type of thing regardless. Thought I would take a moment and give you my two cents being that I am also an air sign and you and I both have a chart that is almost mirroring each other. With the flip flop of our moon/rising and mercury and both of us having earth placements in a few houses (mine is both venus and mars, I think yours is also?)
Air signs value honesty and I'm going to put it to you like this. He isn't an evolved Scorpio. No maam. Mine wasn't either. Little freaked out because it's almost exactly my story. Actually it is my story. You're just nicer about it. I came to this board to vent a long time ago about him. Same story, different person and moment in time. I know you aren't happy I understand. Felt the same way. Believe me you need to walk away because this will continue to happen until he figures himself out and what he wants. No matter what bad ass creative ideas you have on how to approach him differently it won't work. Been there done that.
My best advice from one air to another. If YOU can't get through to someone with communication you should probably walk. We pride ourselves on our communication style (esp air in mercury). I tried every which way to get him to give me some kind of sign. Nothing. Packed my shit and left. I think in this life we have to realize that what one man won't do someone else will. And while we are spending our time looking for the right size crowbar to open them up with we are missing a shit ton of opportunity with someone that could potentially be a better match.

Posted by Neurotoxin
Glad my Mercury (and my wife's) is in Libra.
Makes things so much easier.

Posted by heliumfiasco
Am I holding on too tightly? Looking for answers? Probably. Mind you this is a man who plays massive head games with me. Tells me that being withholding is one of life's pleasures. I think he actually likes me to freak out.
Example of the behavior. Told me for 3 months continuously that he loved me. At least 15 texts that I currently have on my phone. Well we got in a fight that was leading to one of our splits and I said "You tell me you love me, but you can be really cold." This man turns to me and says "I never told you I loved you."... I said "WTF are you talking about. You were the first to say it! You just did two days ago. Should I pull up texts? Did I just make this up?" His reply "Maybe, you did." HOLY HELL BATMAN. The brass balls! The Mind-fuck. Then he NEVER said it again.
I come here for input. I want to be a better person. I want to see others points of view. I really do take and respect everyone's advice on this board.
This "relationship" has become very stressful and addictive for me.
I'm not saying that this doesn't appear dramatic towards him... But SOMEONE or SOMETHING needs to change. If I have to be the one to make decisions to BETTER my life and force myself to leave the situation, then so be it. Honestly, I kind of feel like 1900 miles is the only thing to fix this

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by Neurotoxin
Glad my Mercury (and my wife's) is in Libra.
Makes things so much easier.

Mine is in Libra His Scorpio....Boooo! haha JK

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Posted by Neurotoxin

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by Neurotoxin
Glad my Mercury (and my wife's) is in Libra.
Makes things so much easier.

Mine is in Libra His Scorpio....Boooo! haha JK

No...boo is right. Scorpio Merc is terrible for communication.

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Posted by heliumfiasco
opps. cont. I feel sad. I'm getting realistic with myself and moving forward. I'm getting on that plane, and when it takes off I know part of me will feel sick but another part of me will feel relieved. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Posted by Neurotoxin
Oops...sorry Xin. Dropped the monster bait did I?

Posted by heliumfiasco

Was I looking for some kind of reaction when I said I was moving? Of course, you look for a reaction from everyone you love. Either encouragement, concerns etc. This is a major life decision for me in ALL aspects. I have a daughter, a career, home and life. Him saying I am one of the most important people in his life and him completely disregarding it on every level is manipulative and hurtful.

Posted by heliumfiasco
Am I holding on too tightly? Looking for answers? Probably. Mind you this is a man who plays massive head games with me. Tells me that being withholding is one of life's pleasures. I think he actually likes me to freak out.
Example of the behavior. Told me for 3 months continuously that he loved me. At least 15 texts that I currently have on my phone. Well we got in a fight that was leading to one of our splits and I said "You tell me you love me, but you can be really cold." This man turns to me and says "I never told you I loved you."... I said "WTF are you talking about. You were the first to say it! You just did two days ago. Should I pull up texts? Did I just make this up?" His reply "Maybe, you did." HOLY HELL BATMAN. The brass balls! The Mind-fuck. Then he NEVER said it again.
I come here for input. I want to be a better person. I want to see others points of view. I really do take and respect everyone's advice on this board.
This "relationship" has become very stressful

Posted by heliumfiasco

Honestly, I kind of feel like 1900 miles is the only thing to fix this

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Posted by seraph

Print this thread and laminate it, helium. There's gold in here.
Screenshot it all and convert to PDF.... do whatever, because this is the kind of thing you'll need to refer back to.

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by seraph

Print this thread and laminate it, helium. There's gold in here.
Screenshot it all and convert to PDF.... do whatever, because this is the kind of thing you'll need to refer back to.

Yes, I will! Jeez. Great advice on all accounts, even the harsh ones!
I sent him a text asking if we could meet for dinner and talk because I really value his advice.... Nothing.
I guess inviting myself over is no biggie. However, moving on with my life when told to, is. Our usual weekend plans are off...and I almost bet he doesn't see me before I go. I'll deal. I have plenty of people who would love to see me off

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Posted by Xin

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by seraph

Print this thread and laminate it, helium. There's gold in here.
Screenshot it all and convert to PDF.... do whatever, because this is the kind of thing you'll need to refer back to.

Yes, I will! Jeez. Great advice on all accounts, even the harsh ones!
I sent him a text asking if we could meet for dinner and talk because I really value his advice.... Nothing.
I guess inviting myself over is no biggie. However, moving on with my life when told to, is. Our usual weekend plans are off...and I almost bet he doesn't see me before I go. I'll deal. I have plenty of people who would love to see me off

Are you surprised he didnt answer you back? And when he does will he say what you want him to? Probably not. What is his chart btw. I posted my exes up there too.

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