Scorps....please help!

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by Divinesun on Monday, November 7, 2011 and has 18 replies.
Good morning Scorps. Need some input please.
My scorp and I broke up 5 months ago. We've had limited contact and ignoring, to the point he has totally iced me out.
I am going through some personal turmoil, and emailed him to tell him how much I miss him and wished he were still in my life.
He responded to my email and then came by to talk.
I didn't think he cared, but was pleasantly surprised to receive his email reply and offer of talking, my decision of in person,on email or the phone. I chose in person, as that is easier when having serious discussions.
Do you think this means he cares for me in a loving manner, or just in a friendly manner?
He knows that I love and care very deeply for him, and miss him like crazy. He is going through things himself and told me 2 months or more ago that he can't be happy with anyone until he is happy with himself, but that he did love me and then realized i was a woman and women are bitches! He then said he didn't really think I was a bitch, just likes to tease me.
I'm hoping us communicating again will eventually lead towards a reconciliation. Your input is greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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How did the talk go? Could you see any affection from him? Who did the breaking up? Did you hurt him? somuch more needs to be shared with us. He obviously cares on some level, hard to tell how much so without details.
Do you have his chart?
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Thanks BGP, I have pm'd you.
He did the breaking up, for the 4th time in almost 3 years.
No, I don't believe I hurt him. I did say some
harsh realities to him this time when we broke up though,
something I've never done in the past.
He has told me since our break up that he does miss me and thinks of me but to move on
as I will find someone special for me.
In the past 5 months we have chatted and seen each other occasionally in passing.
He then totally iced me out for a long time, but then emailed to ask me questions
about specific things when we were together, stating, "if you loved me so much you
would have done> this or that.
I wondered why he would care, if he ended things.
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He's telling you why: if you loved me so much you would have done < this or that"
Maybe he thinks you don't love him as much as he loves you.
Most Scorps are pretty straight forward. But because of the ability of getting info from you without being direct, sometimes they being straightforward is hard to believe. A lot of scorpios tell you exactly what they feel, think, but it's hard because of the mind games some of the more unevolved ones play. You start to think there is an underlying motive.
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he often says one thing and does another.....I believe actions definitely speak louder than words with some scorps, him for sure.
He has said so many different things about why he ends our relationship....each time it's a different thing. He told me that I am the only woman he's ever been this connected to.
When I reminded him that he told me twice that he loved me, he said he knew, and it was hard sometimes when we were having drinks and great times together, that he had to make sure he didn't say that. Like WTF???
He is terrified of the "L" word and has been hurt very deeply in the past.
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He's hurt me by doing the push and pull, but I love him, and I believe he loved me, saying that in the past tense, as I'm not sure how he truly feels, due to him telling me so many different reasons/excuses for our breakups.
They were reasonable things, but he told me they were things he didn't like, so I didn't do them, and then turned it around to "if you loved me you would have". I told him that I respected and believed what he told me, and if he truly liked the things he said he did not, why would he tell me otherwise?!
It did not turn romantic. He brought me a coffee, we talked, and then he left. He said we'd continue the conversation at another time.
If he was truly done with me, would he be concerned about what I am going through?
Or would he ignore my emails?
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yes, he has ignored my emails in the past. i usually initiate contact these days...he still did a bit after he ended things back in june. i won't be his friend with benefits, and i find it hard to be just his friend at this time....maybe in the future, by not now when i still have so many feelings for him. he wont let a weak moment happen, because what you said is exactly will happen. it's happened in the past after the first break up. he stays away and has told me in the past i am hard to resist. part of me believe him, due to the chemistry we share....but then i sometimes wonder if he is bs'ing, so as not to further hurt my feelings? i did not try to get romantic with him. he hugged me when he left and told me he hoped things would get better and his last email, in response to mine, but very to the point, and that he will try to give me a call but that he is busy, etc.....he is very different with me now than he used to be in the past.
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Wow, Astro says is bluntly, but very well said. It's a lot like Tiki's post in my thread about scorpio icing me out. We DO teach people how to treat us, and mainly its unconsciously. We dont know we are sending the message that we are desperate, clingy, needy or insecure, but it is radiating loud and clear. When I start to feel I am losing my dignity and integrity, I know its time to move it along. I am in that place now. I wont sell my soul for a man again...did it once and it was hell to get back.
First I fake it...I dont call, email etc even when I a dying too. Eventually it gets easier . I pray a hell of a lot and for him too. I practice love to others, be cheerful and smile alot. Karma sends back the recompense I need.
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thanks Astro and BGP...you are right and I am seeing that now.
I have not responded to his email that he will try to give me a call, but it makes me want to tell him not to bother.
What would you do now, email a reply, saying what? or wait for the phone call and then say what I have to say, or just not email or not answer if he does call. I saw him in passing this morning and he hesitated to wave, but then we both waved at the same time. i could tell he was waiting to see if i waved. i never want to feel this way again.....i need to teach my heart it's a crime to love again.
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Posted by Divinesun
.....i need to teach my heart it's a crime to love again.


Don't do that Sad I used to say that too, but don't give up on love. You will find the right person for you, but only if you don't turn bitter and try to push every guy you meet away.
You will want someone to hold again eventually. It hurts now, but give it some time alone. I'm positive you will be back for more
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hey Astro, no, I didn't get that from your post....no apology required, I appreciate your comments. It's just how I'm feeling right now...I will be terrified to love again, from the hurt of this experience. Thanks Happy.....I don't think i'd ever become a bitter woman, at least i hope not, just terrified of having my heart ripped out again in the future. I love deeply and I love hard....and my heart is broken in a million pieces right now.
Thanks I will respond as you suggested. Until now, I've done nothing, as I was not sure how to respond, or if I even should. It's hurtful....I have been there for him and his children.
And,there is more to this story....dun dun dun dun!!! His x, of 6 years, togehter for 35, never married, have 2 children, grown boys, moved back into the house with him and the boys oct 1, as she is battling some personal issues (addiction), so she left her b/f and wanted to be with the kids, so he lets her move back in, and she's always had a key to the house! and she is even sleeping in the bed with him! I was so hurt when he told me that. His loyalty to her sure runs deep, though he's told me he was never in love with her and doesn't love her, but that they are good friends! For a scorp to do what he does for her, after she cheated on him, several times, with his friends, he must love her!
not sure why i added that part, but just thought i'd share.
I saw him in passing as we work near each other and park on the same street, so as i was driving down the street to park in my spot, he was walking up the sidewalk to work.
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*oops....they were togehter for 25 years (not 35) typo!
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ya, some crazy shit, eh? Whomever he is with, will always play second fiddle to her!
she and I met, and she told him that she thought I was the one....he has dated a few women since they split,
for maybe 5-6 months each, then ended it. Apparently I was the longest one in his life since her, and
the nicest and most normal woman he's dated, according to his son's g/f!
So, I have no idea what's going in his head.
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are you a scorp?
I actually told him that he probably did drive her to become the mess that she is...he would go to his cave and basically she'd go and do her own thing until he decided to speak to her. She always wanted them to be married, but he wouldn't. I don't do drugs, and thank gawd for that....who knows what shape i'd be in after this! the low self esteem is hard enough to deal with, but i will get me back in time! she did walk in one time, 3 chrimtmas' ago, though we were just lyingon the sofa talking, but we could have been doing God knows what!!! lol i was not impressed and continued to tell him there's was not a "normal" x relationship...and he couldn't understand that. Duh!!!
when he was here the other night, his son called and he told his son that he was at my place,didn't hide it. then his son called again, said his mother got up, asked where his father went, and the son told her that scorp went to the grocery store! at 1 am!! i asked if he was on a curfew and was she not allowed to know that he was at my place. he said he'd tell her, and that maybe the sons thought something was going on...with him and her, and that's when I said, oh, she's probably sleeping in the bed with you and he said yes. I told him if nothing's going on they should tell the boys. F'd up or what?! Perhaps theres' something to be said for unanswered prayers.
You're right, no more shit from him!
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he has certainly made me question my sanity and self worth, on more than one occasion. I do have children, they are older, and no, that would never happen between me and their dad. Scorps sons are 20 and 23, but they see this as "normal", and that is becuase of the relationship their parents have....strange for x's!!! honestly, I did not like how she had a key, how she'd let herself in and make supper at least once a week while him and i were together, and him and her and the boys would have family night and watch tv. he told me that she'd pass outon th couch and he's put a blanket over her, and i believed him at the time. i no longer believe that bs!
she cheated on him quite a few times during those 25 years, with his friends, and he let her come back every single time.
i don'tknow why he'd try to make her jealous...says they're just good friends...ya right....but why would she get up and ask where he was. i told him that clearly she is thinking there's more going on with them than he's admitting or she's getting pretty comfy cozy back at the house with her family. well, they can have each other! perhaps they deserve each other.
he does know that would have hurt me, learning of them sleeping together.
glad you posed that question...i would tell my child or best g/f to walk away......and that's what i am doing.
i sent the email to the tune of what you suggested. he has opened it, but no reply, and that's okay! i will get through this one way or another. thanks for your input and insight...it is very helpful.
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Thanks Astro, for all of your comments, and you are right, when seen in black and white, yikes!!!
I know I can and must move forward with my life,minus him! Thing is, he's not arrogant, he is very
kind and caring, when he is in that mode, otherwise, he can ice me out like the hugest ice berg in the ocean!
and yes, no doubt at all, he pushed his x to do what she did, and i've told him that on more than one occasion.
thanks again, i will let our chat sink in more and more each day.
Have a great day!
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Astro gives great insight, once again. I for one am getting stronger and more pissed off as the "ice-out" here continues. I DO hope he contacts me and when I am pissed. I am finally going to pull that "big momma" outta my soul and cut him!
Hang in there, Divine...one baby step at a time is great!!
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Posted by hiplove79
Wow, excellent fucking advice, Astro. You've made so many good and important points. Divine, you are very wise to take Astro's and BGP's words to heart and apply them to your situation.
The only thing I can add, is to be very mindful of the possibility of him trying to pull you back in. Once he catches whiff of you moving on, he may go for every trick in the book to bring your focus back onto him. Scorps are magical masters when it comes to pulling a person in. So keep that in your heart and mind as you move forward.
I also echo what these ladies say, in that it WILL be HARD. There may even be a few times where you fall back onto the same old patterns with him. If that happens, don't beat yourself up. Process what happened and why it happened, then hold your head up and start from anew. You deserve better, because you can do better. But it starts with you.
Here's a quote to help you remember to be kind to yourself and that you're only human, especially when the emotions and pain becomes strong...
"Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop" - H. L. Mencken


Well said. For me, it's when they come back that I fear. Because then I have to make a decision to trust again or walk away..and STAY walked away. I dont want him to *not* love me but I dont want him to come back because then it will be so hard to let go again.
Its like any addiction....take it one day at a time...
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