Unable to move on from breakup 3 years ago. Help?

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by Iamnobody on Tuesday, March 6, 2012 and has 13 replies.
I got lucky when I met my most recent ex. I had dated a girl before her but she was the first to make me feel a kind of happiness I'd never felt. I'm a quiet, introverted guy (scorpio) and kept to myself a lot. Because of this I never had many friends and had very low self-esteem. But it was in high school when my ex, the prettiest girl in school then, had her eye on me. I got to know about it and wasted no time in making my move, though powered false confidence. The times I spent with her were the best I'd ever had, and I can honestly say I was in love. I got too attached. Things eventually went sour after the honeymoon period was over and we parted ways. That was 3 years ago. My life went back to being dark and lonely, my self-esteem back to sh*t. I was diagnosed with depression. Even suicidal at one point. And it hasn't been the same since I had a taste of that kind of happiness. Maybe that's why I can't move on.
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Im sure you've gotten suggestions of therapy, right? That is key. Your screen name screams no self esteem. Change it. Force positivity into your life...fake it till you make it. Change your screen name to "I am SOMEBODY"....because you ARE somebody....special smile
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do you still have any contact with this girl? do you mix in the same circles? is there perhaps a way of just getting together with a view of becoming friends? it's just that if you see her again, you may realise that your feelings weren't quite you thought they were and you'll get a better perspective of things. that's what i would do if it had been that long and i still wasn't over someone. re-opening the wound sometimes brings about a speedy conclusion to things smile
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Though, it's nice of you people to come in here and tell him that things will get better, to hang and wait it out ....

.. it's been 3 fucking years, so your words are said for yourself in feeling good that you told him something nice, when in reality to tell him it will be ok doesn't do a damn thing for him ... since he is choosing to obssess over himself.

All of this would go away if you got back with her and once you know you had her ... dump her. The Scorpio has to dump a person, and cannot handle it if the other person isn't the one who wants them.

so, none of all this is true, though, he's good at woeing, isn't he?

You Scorpios can bullshit all you want to, and even stroke each others dick while you do it ... but, we all know that this has nothing to do with him not being able to get over her .. and everything to do with him not being able to get over himself because he isn't wanted. AND we all know that if he were to dump her, then all of this bullshit would evaporate in an instant .. which means .. it's all bullshit, in place for the Scorpio to project onto others.
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Posted by P-Angel
Though, it's nice of you people to come in here and tell him that things will get better, to hang and wait it out ....

.. it's been 3 fucking years, so your words are said for yourself in feeling good that you told him something nice, when in reality to tell him it will be ok doesn't do a damn thing for him ... since he is choosing to obssess over himself.

All of this would go away if you got back with her and once you know you had her ... dump her. The Scorpio has to dump a person, and cannot handle it if the other person isn't the one who wants them.

so, none of all this is true, though, he's good at woeing, isn't he?

You Scorpios can bullshit all you want to, and even stroke each others dick while you do it ... but, we all know that this has nothing to do with him not being able to get over her .. and everything to do with him not being able to get over himself because he isn't wanted. AND we all know that if he were to dump her, then all of this bullshit would evaporate in an instant .. which means .. it's all bullshit, in place for the Scorpio to project onto others.


omg i have missed you P!!! smile
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s'true about the being dumped part. it's all about ego and nothing about the other person. it's like when someone dies, they are elevated to sainthood in everyone's memory of them....when you're dumped, all of a sudden you're shit and they're the greatest....ego is now involved and logic has left the building.
currently wearing that t-shirt, lol.
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it's hard whether they're in your face or not. if they're not it's worse in some ways cos then you're left with assumptions about what they're getting up to, etc. but i would rather that happen than keep bumping into them.
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In looking at the OP's former threads, seems he may be histrionic. Can't be a professional victim, hun. You got to take control and heal yourself.
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Iam... imo, for reasons I don't understand... it seems like most Scorpios have a very deep(er than most), imbedded default belief that they are not worthy and not deserving of happiness... so b/c of that, everything that happens, appears to "align/agree" with that belief... "life sucks and is miserable for me (...bc I don't deserve happiness)".
Change starts with you. If happiness is what you want, you better start believing that you deserve it. DAMN STRAIGHT believe with inner conviction that you deserve to be happy. Pleasure depends on other people, places, circumstances, things outside of you... but pleasure and pain are both temporary states, enjoy/experience it while it lasts, but know that either one shall pass to the next from moment to moment... true joy, happiness, is a way of being that starts within, dependent on nothing outside of you (not money, not titles, not status, not other's opinions or even anyone else, etc). And it begins with knowing full well inside that you deserve it.
Most times people live in their heads, dwelling on the past, or fretting about the future... but not here NOW in the present moment and paying attention to NOW. But the present moment is where all reality is (not in memories or imagination), it's all we ever really have, and only the present moment is where happiness can be experienced. Even past thoughts that make you happy -- that very feeling is being experienced in the present, b/c the the past has passed. Whenever you start feeling down, or thinking gloomy thoughts, it's probably helpful to remind yourself that you're getting stuck in your head -- and take deep breathes and connect with your physical senses. Take deep breaths to get out of your head, feel the breeze in the air, feel the warmth of the sunshine, the soft clothing against your skin, listen to music that's soothing, taste the foods you enjoy, notice it's texture, notice the colors... etc. As a Scorp, it seems there's a tendency to start using your imagination to catastrophize the worst out of all fears and then feel it as reality (when it's not, but only imaginations ran dark and rampant)... so becareful of that, and remember to be present in the present moment (not in your head).
Also, during the darkest times, remember this...
In life, there's the beginning, the middle, and then the end... aka birth, living, and death. We are born alone, we are usually living alone, and we will die alone. No one knows as fact what will happen after
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death. But since we were given a life, out of nothing, and death is already a promise... the inbetween stages, are all already a "plus" (we got somethin' from nothin'). So why not embrace all experiences, the good, the bad, everything in between, and make it the very best you're capable of, before the promise is kept (death).
It may be challenging and take a lot of effort... to experience all that you want to experience... but first remember, that you are worth it and you deserve it.
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Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
do you still have any contact with this girl? do you mix in the same circles? is there perhaps a way of just getting together with a view of becoming friends? it's just that if you see her again, you may realise that your feelings weren't quite you thought they were and you'll get a better perspective of things. that's what i would do if it had been that long and i still wasn't over someone. re-opening the wound sometimes brings about a speedy conclusion to things smile


I've actually had that happen a few times. Yes we share the same social circles and there was once I was at a bar and turned out she was working there as a hostess. During her break, she asked me to have dinner with her and so I did. We had a chat, caught up; it wasn't as intense at it seemed in my head. In fact at that moment in time I was perfectly fine with being friends as I thought "hey, I don't think my feelings for her are as strong as I imagined they were". But a few months after that I started missing her again and idealizing her and the relationship, putting her on a pedestal. Could that be my problem? Is it all in my head?
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Dont idealise people, problem solved!


aaaaaaaaargh your words cut like a knife, you are so right Im not even sure how much you know it
to the op
for sure the feelings are deep; you can embark in a quest for pure honesty with yourself in asking how much void and stagnation you have allowed to build up in order for one person to hve such an enormous over the rest of the universe that surrounds you. I believe that we are born to experience and experiment many things, and that you need to open up. I know it sounds dead, "open up'', however like every human being I have experienced fixations and obsessions myself therefore know that the antidote of obsession is variation. multiplicity of experiences. there is no solution to your love, only getting out. be honest with yourself and get out smile
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Posted by Iamnobody
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
do you still have any contact with this girl? do you mix in the same circles? is there perhaps a way of just getting together with a view of becoming friends? it's just that if you see her again, you may realise that your feelings weren't quite you thought they were and you'll get a better perspective of things. that's what i would do if it had been that long and i still wasn't over someone. re-opening the wound sometimes brings about a speedy conclusion to things smile


I've actually had that happen a few times. Yes we share the same social circles and there was once I was at a bar and turned out she was working there as a hostess. During her break, she asked me to have dinner with her and so I did. We had a chat, caught up; it wasn't as intense at it seemed in my head. In fact at that moment in time I was perfectly fine with being friends as I thought "hey, I don't think my feelings for her are as strong as I imagined they were". But a few months after that I started missing her again and idealizing her and the relationship, putting her on a pedestal. Could that be my problem? Is it all in my head?
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*sigh*
it's called Neptune, and it's very painful
could be you have a highly radioactive neptunian natal or she just stirs it up in you through synastry
some astro aspects can be very painful and people don't know how to get out so I truly feel for all of us
read Liz Greene's Neptune, this is for everyone who's lived with Neptune and is ready to see the truth
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