Update - Mixed Signals

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by Taggize on Thursday, March 21, 2013 and has 24 replies.
I took everyone's advice and decided to make contact with my Scoprio. I asked that if he had time this week I'd like to see him. He said we could fit something in. I waited a day to hear back from him about when he'd have time to see me and after 24hrs lapsed, I texted him last night asking if he was still interested in seeing me. He suggest tomorrow (today) and I agreed. However, an hour later he asked if that night was fine (yesterday). I took a long time to think about it as I hadn't prepared in my mind how I was going to express things to him. I decided though to stop over-thinking it and decided to go.
When I got there we engaged in our usual small talk before heading off to bed. I tried explaining that I liked him before sex was initiated, but he played off my words jokingly saying that I was there just for the sex and that most women were not naive enough to like him. After sex we did the usual cuddling and went to bed. However, he woke me up a few hours later and I could tell something was on his mind. He talked about a hard decision he was having to make in regards to a friend's life and the counselling he was giving to his friend's wife to help her make some pretty difficult steps. I listened, reassured him that his advice was sound, and agreed that his decision seemed like the right one. After the emotional discussion, we again had sex as I knew he wanted to blow off steam, but afterwards I decided to again let him know I truly liked him. I explained that I wasn't there just for the sex and that I truly enjoyed his company. He again told me that he really liked me was well, but wasn't looking to start a relationship yet. I reassured him that I wasn't looking for that either, but just wanted to get to know him better and for him to know me better as well.
That morning he let me sleep in before work and allowed me to stay in his home well after he was gone. I definitely feel better about expressing my interest in him, but am curious to see how he acts with me after last night. Any thoughts???
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I suppose I should have fleshed out a bit more what I meant in regards to the discussion. He did not purposefully wake me up, I could feel him being restless and it woke me from sleep.
The discussion we had was about a life long friend of his who is caught up in drugs. He has been close with this man and his family since high school, and the family (including the wife) were seeking advice on what they needed to do to keep him from spiraling. My Scorpio is a Major in Air Force and his friend is also Air Force, thus the family is concerned should this drug problem get out of hand he could be discharged. My Scorpio was airing out that he was torn between getting involved with the issue and whether it would destroy the friendship he had with this man. That was his main focus: losing his friendship by helping the family get this man into rehab.
Concerning the sex: I was the one who originally suggested we kept it sex focused as I wasn't expecting him to show further interest in me, nor did I expect I would do the same. However, I have received exactly what I expected to get, a good time and more. I've come at it from not a need to have a relationship, or even FWBs as I honestly didn't care about that. However, he originally admitted to liking me and it took several days for me to feel comfortable admitting that back to him. The thing is that I get his needs and he gets mine, there is a lot more to it than just the sex as we bond on many different levels. I'm not looking for relationship advice as this was just meant for an update from my previous post. I did however want to get the general idea of what others' thoughts were based on what transpired.
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Posted by ellessque
but what exactly transpired?
it seems you are catching feelings. *shrugs*
...and now you don't really know what to do with them.


I guess what I am trying to get at is that I'm not use to being in the dark about reading someone. Yes, it does seem as if I am catching feelings and find it a bit odd on how I should process them. What has me confused is that I honestly expected nothing from seeing him (thought it be a few times and then we would both move on), but slowly he has made it into something else and I don't know where to go from here. I over-analyze things and I am looking to get out of my head and more into the moment with him and I. However, I was using the boards to help me analyze things but from other's perspectives (mainly Scorpios).
I'm use to being around Earth and Air signs and have become familiar with how they operate. But he is different and new, so I am intrigued and am trying to dissect what is going on, how it got here, and where it is going. I hope that makes a bit more sense.
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Posted by Taggize
Posted by ellessque
but what exactly transpired?
it seems you are catching feelings. *shrugs*
...and now you don't really know what to do with them.


I guess what I am trying to get at is that I'm not use to being in the dark about reading someone. Yes, it does seem as if I am catching feelings and find it a bit odd on how I should process them. What has me confused is that I honestly expected nothing from seeing him (thought it be a few times and then we would both move on), but slowly he has made it into something else and I don't know where to go from here. I over-analyze things and I am looking to get out of my head and more into the moment with him and I. However, I was using the boards to help me analyze things but from other's perspectives (mainly Scorpios).
I'm use to being around Earth and Air signs and have become familiar with how they operate. But he is different and new, so I am intrigued and am trying to dissect what is going on, how it got here, and where it is going. I hope that makes a bit more sense.
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Don't do anything. Except let it take its course if you want a relationship. If you have feelings now, he can tell. Caps can read scorps and you can tell that he has them. I don't think you are in the dark, it seems you can tell he likes you more than a sex object. You don't always have to have talks or define perimeters of the relationship with scorps early on, if the feelings are mutual, and you both keep it exclusive, it will just happen. But if you already had a talk early on and set boundaries, the scorp will want them redefined if the scorp wants more. It may not come out in a verbal convo, depends on who set the boundaries first. If you did, the onus is yours if you want more. If not, the scorp may provoke a scenario to redefine them (break up, mention seeing others, etc.)
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AreTwoFour and Elle thank you. You both make good points. It has been strange for me because orginally I knew what I wanted and what he could give me which is why sex became the focus. I set that tone and he complied. However, for the past couple of months he has dropped little hints here and there and lead this to be something more than I thought it would be.
I have six older brothers who I have watched and observed play games and had FWBs so I honestly "thought" I knew what to expect and what the "rules" were in the sex-based relationship. I never expected things to get to a point where now I'm not quite sure what to do. I don't feel the need to set boundaries as I believe we both are free to live our lives as we see fit so long as we don't hurt anyone in the process. I'm quite okay with the way things are going, just never expected it to get to this point where we've both developed interest in one another. What now I suppose is what is going through my mind.
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"I decided to again let him know I truly liked him. I explained that I wasn't there just for the sex and that I truly enjoyed his company. He again told me that he really liked me was well,but wasn't looking to start a relationship yet."
I give him credit for being honest ^^ he's not looking for a relationship. So then you have to decide do you still just want to be his bed pal and keep it comfy for him while you constantly question yourself and agonize the "what ifs", or would it be better to just tell him you crossed the line for FWB and you like him way too much to just screw? Then you go on with your life and let him figure out what it is he wants. I mean wouldn't it be better if down the road he comes to you when he is ready? Either way you'll have your answer.
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I agree with LIB. If any person says they are not ready for a relationship, theres no need for anymore answers imo.
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I believe he's comfortable with you, in this relationship of yours, based on the fact that he's comfortable having such personal friend conversations with you in the middle of the night. I think leaving you in his home while he's gone, show that he has nothing to hide, so I have no problem saying that some trust is there, based on what you've said.
He may not believe your claim as of yet but heard you; he'll probably hold on to it, thinking it out and weight it against your actions, to see if it's something he should take seriously. I personally find female Capricorns more convincing at expressing what they don't like, then they are at expressing what they like. You tend to be more believable when expressing your dislikes. So he probably believes your previous conversations of a sex only agreement with no emotional strings attached more, then your recent claim of now wanting a relationship, based on emotions you are now developing.
I think you should start speaking relationship with him and get comfortable in that sense, still in face to face convo, since it seems to be good. Not necessarily putting yourself in the equation but just where he's at right now when it comes to relationships, he's mentality and all. Just be realistic in your expectations though. What you have with him right now is what you both have agreed to, so don't make him the bad guy if he tells you that he doesn't want a serious relationship with you right now. If it's honest, it's beautiful, he respects you that much. If you feel the situation is destructive to you. Move on to a better life for yourself.
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Posted by ellessque
scorpios aren't typically very good fwb candidates. some of us try...because these days, sometimes that is all that is expected, which I've never been able to wrap my head around that.
But we often times fail miserably at it. He could be just as confused as you are and the only way to get to the bottom of it, is to be direct and honest with what you need from him.


Truth!
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Everyone thank you for the feedback. I really want to again point out that I am not looking to change our relationship or even get into one! That is the exact opposite of what I am looking for! However, I felt the need to be honest with him seeing as he was honest with me about having interest in me. I told him I wouldn't lie about not having equal interest and I believe he assumed that meant I wanted something more as with most girls...once they say they like someone it usually means they want a relationship. I do not and I have more times than not made this point clear.
I just found it interesting that he opened up on so quickly with me when I never put that expectation on him. Out of the two of us, he has shown more signs of being interested in the long-term but seeing as we both have been out of rather nasty, abusive relationships in the last 6 months I believe that both of us are weary towards the idea of anyone trying to lock us down. We both have agreed that so long as this is mutually beneficial for both of us than it will continue.
I want to also make clear that my interest and like comes from the immense respect I have for this man, thus is why I want to better understand how things got this way and where they are going. I do not wish to make him uncomfortable or give the impression that I want more than what we both are willing to give. If I am being completely honest with myself, my interest stems from the fact that he is real, honest, hard-working, and a bit of a hardass. I respect all those traits and thus want to show him that I am not simply there because I think he is a piece of meat (which is what I think he originally thought I saw him as). I am there moreso now because I find value in his opinions, his views, and I respect what he does (the sex is now a bonus more than the focus). I have the feeling that he also has a similiar view of me which is why things seem to be muddled to an extent, because it started out for the sex and now it's evolved into something more of two similiar people finding a bit of respect and comfortability in one another.
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But with scorps, sometimes it just gets more intense, there is more time spent together, things become exclusive, then slowly it starts with both (usually the scorp starts 1st) making decisions to accommodate the relationship even though the relationship was never defined by a "talk"
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Posted by ellessque
scorps and caps should never, ever, NEVER EVER EVER enter into any type of fwb or fuck buddy situation...it's impossible to manage.
BOTH parties will get REALLY confused.


I can see that, but I glad that my Aquarius side and Virgo moon can kick in enough for me to separate my emotions from the situation and see shit before it hits the fan. I did run our charts (found it amusing that he enjoys astrology just as much as I) and I know enough to see where I need to pay attention to things. I also see now why I feel so at ease with him.
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Posted by ellessque
it's tough, tag...I know.
there is this weird bond that forms...it's not really about sex...it's not really about "relationship"-ey stuff either.
it's beyond that.
most can't get past that "feeling" because how do you talk about something you don't understand fully? you know it's there and it's usually unspoken...until someone steps up and needs to punch the relationship-ey stuff in the nose and tell it to back off....lol
it's like really great friends...the kind you call to bail you out of jail or help you do something you are embarrassed to tell anyone else about. it's that kind of bond.
when you add all that other "stuff" in there, the expectations of the world as they see relationships, it gets all hazey.


This is spot on. You summed it up perfectly. The thing is I don't know if I will ever want the "relationship-y" stuff to get involved. I find what we have so far very satisfying. I just want that bond to grow...if that makes sense. The relationship half can just stay away because it always seems to taint what I usually find to be something really simple and pure, and THAT I do not want to screw up.
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My ex scorpio and me just started out fucking than he asked for me.
Should of kept it to just fucking.
Careful what you wish for...
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Thank you Elle, again. I find that your advice is extremely helpful and useful. I will definitely continue to take things slow and I let him know yesterday that I normally don't let people see who I am...I hate vulnerability in any form, but I was willing and "wanting" to be vulnerable with him. I wanted him to know me, see me for me and not put up a front. That is why eventually I had to be honest about sharing the same interest and attraction that he felt for me. In the end, I take loyalty, honesty, and respect very seriously...I won't expect something from him that I'm not willing to give myself.
Logically, that makes no sense. But really, thank you. I appreciate it.
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Posted by Taggize
Posted by ellessque
scorps and caps should never, ever, NEVER EVER EVER enter into any type of fwb or fuck buddy situation...it's impossible to manage.
BOTH parties will get REALLY confused.


I can see that, but I glad that my Aquarius side and Virgo moon can kick in enough for me to separate my emotions from the situation and see shit before it hits the fan. I did run our charts (found it amusing that he enjoys astrology just as much as I) and I know enough to see where I need to pay attention to things. I also see now why I feel so at ease with him.
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If he doesn't have any aquarius, virgo, or other parts/placements that facilitate detaching, shit may hit the fan anyway
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Posted by AreTwoFour
Posted by Taggize
Posted by ellessque
scorps and caps should never, ever, NEVER EVER EVER enter into any type of fwb or fuck buddy situation...it's impossible to manage.
BOTH parties will get REALLY confused.


I can see that, but I glad that my Aquarius side and Virgo moon can kick in enough for me to separate my emotions from the situation and see shit before it hits the fan. I did run our charts (found it amusing that he enjoys astrology just as much as I) and I know enough to see where I need to pay attention to things. I also see now why I feel so at ease with him.


If he doesn't have any aquarius, virgo, or other parts/placements that facilitate detaching, shit may hit the fan anyway
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He actually has Aquarius, Gemini, and Virgo in spots I would say are beneficial to removing oneself from emotion and being able to step back and view things objectively. I find that his intelligence and analytical abilities are rather intense, so I can only assume he'd be able to pull back just far enough to avoid a complete trainwreck.
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I dunno, scorp sun seems to over-power my detachment abilities, even with a aqua ascendent and sag moon/venus, both which have reputation for detaching. And I can detach easily, if the passion of my sun didn't get ignited. It rules, regardless of other placements
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Oh and a virgo stellium too.
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He also has a aqua ascendent leo moon and venus sag, so who knows I may truly be naive. I suppose having a Scorpio father and grandfather, I've learned to deal with emotionally intense men though and I respect their needs.
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Posted by Taggize
Posted by ellessque
it's tough, tag...I know.
there is this weird bond that forms...it's not really about sex...it's not really about "relationship"-ey stuff either.
it's beyond that.
most can't get past that "feeling" because how do you talk about something you don't understand fully? you know it's there and it's usually unspoken...until someone steps up and needs to punch the relationship-ey stuff in the nose and tell it to back off....lol
it's like really great friends...the kind you call to bail you out of jail or help you do something you are embarrassed to tell anyone else about. it's that kind of bond.
when you add all that other "stuff" in there, the expectations of the world as they see relationships, it gets all hazey.


This is spot on. You summed it up perfectly. The thing is I don't know if I will ever want the "relationship-y" stuff to get involved. I find what we have so far very satisfying. I just want that bond to grow...if that makes sense. The relationship half can just stay away because it always seems to taint what I usually find to be something really simple and pure, and THAT I do not want to screw up.
click to expand


Nothing ever stays the same. It will regress, stagnate, or progress
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Posted by Taggize
He also has a aqua ascendent leo moon and venus sag, so who knows I may truly be naive. I suppose having a Scorpio father and grandfather, I've learned to deal with emotionally intense men though and I respect their needs.


Venus Sag is something!
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Posted by AreTwoFour
Posted by Taggize
Posted by ellessque
it's tough, tag...I know.
there is this weird bond that forms...it's not really about sex...it's not really about "relationship"-ey stuff either.
it's beyond that.
most can't get past that "feeling" because how do you talk about something you don't understand fully? you know it's there and it's usually unspoken...until someone steps up and needs to punch the relationship-ey stuff in the nose and tell it to back off....lol
it's like really great friends...the kind you call to bail you out of jail or help you do something you are embarrassed to tell anyone else about. it's that kind of bond.
when you add all that other "stuff" in there, the expectations of the world as they see relationships, it gets all hazey.


This is spot on. You summed it up perfectly. The thing is I don't know if I will ever want the "relationship-y" stuff to get involved. I find what we have so far very satisfying. I just want that bond to grow...if that makes sense. The relationship half can just stay away because it always seems to taint what I usually find to be something really simple and pure, and THAT I do not want to screw up.


Nothing ever stays the same. It will regress, stagnate, or progress
click to expand


That analogy is a watery one. Maybe one-sided. Maybe earth signs can maintain what they have. I need fluidity, or I feel like it is stagnating or regressing. Progressing if it is going my way.
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Posted by Rays Heart
Posted by Taggize
He also has a aqua ascendent leo moon and venus sag, so who knows I may truly be naive. I suppose having a Scorpio father and grandfather, I've learned to deal with emotionally intense men though and I respect their needs.


Venus Sag is something!
click to expand


Yeah, tell me about it, I can't bridle and break it. Even at my age, lol
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