Walking on Egg Shells around my Scorpio Friend..!
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by a muse a libra on Wednesday, April 30, 2008 and has 75 replies.
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I have a good friend who is engaged to my other good friend, who is a scorpio male. He and I have always gotten along great and had great respect for each other. Lately, however, I've been getting on his nerves and he's been making no bones about it! Embarassing me in front of others and being blatently rude and even mean. I'm not sure what to do about the situation, I am best friends with his fiance but am not enjoying his company in the slightest anymore. I feel I have to walk on egg shells around him, and even then, I still manage to frustrate him.
I don't believe I've been out of line, but I've challenged him in a couple of capacities: we are part of a group of people who play volleyball together on the weekends. It is a fun time, but lately has been getting so competetive that weaker players are being skipped over for games. I am one of them, and have been upset about it.
Then, last night, I was over at their house, chatting with his fiance, and he kept raising the volume of the television over our voices. I teased that it was rude and definitely took it a little too far. It was his house, but he responded so meanly, I am turned off. (I know, scorpio revenge, but still!!!)
How do I handle this? The fiance thinks he and I need to have a discussion, but I'm a libra who hates confrontation and am not sure what to expect.
I don't believe I've been out of line, but I've challenged him in a couple of capacities: we are part of a group of people who play volleyball together on the weekends. It is a fun time, but lately has been getting so competetive that weaker players are being skipped over for games. I am one of them, and have been upset about it.
Then, last night, I was over at their house, chatting with his fiance, and he kept raising the volume of the television over our voices. I teased that it was rude and definitely took it a little too far. It was his house, but he responded so meanly, I am turned off. (I know, scorpio revenge, but still!!!)
How do I handle this? The fiance thinks he and I need to have a discussion, but I'm a libra who hates confrontation and am not sure what to expect.
You talk as if this Scorpio man is about you ..
"I am turned off"
.. when in fact, it's about your friend and what makes her happy, what turns her on, for it's her man. Whether you like him, or not .. doesn't fucking matter .. because this Scorpio isn't about you, what you like, what you dislike, what you want, what makes you happy, what makes you feel comfortable.
And in having this attitude (thinking it's about you) .. is likely why he's being a dick, to put you in your place.
And your place isn't telling him what to do in his house.
Reality check .... this man is about your friends heart, and what makes her happy.
"I am turned off"
.. when in fact, it's about your friend and what makes her happy, what turns her on, for it's her man. Whether you like him, or not .. doesn't fucking matter .. because this Scorpio isn't about you, what you like, what you dislike, what you want, what makes you happy, what makes you feel comfortable.
And in having this attitude (thinking it's about you) .. is likely why he's being a dick, to put you in your place.
And your place isn't telling him what to do in his house.
Reality check .... this man is about your friends heart, and what makes her happy.
Oh my God...you CANT be scared of a scorpio ?!? Just tell him to F*CK off and stop acting like a friggin 5 year old.
Tell him if he has a problem with you...tell it to you like a man...not a little boy.
But seriously...there's more to this story right? I mean COME ON...a guy regardless of sign doesnt just start acting like that out of the blue. What did you do to him? Huh? Speak up...we cant help without the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...so help US help YOU...
Tell him if he has a problem with you...tell it to you like a man...not a little boy.
But seriously...there's more to this story right? I mean COME ON...a guy regardless of sign doesnt just start acting like that out of the blue. What did you do to him? Huh? Speak up...we cant help without the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...so help US help YOU...
To clarify: I was never turned ON by him, like THAT...it is about me, as I am equally friends with BOTH of them. I care about my friend, and yes, I realize she has been put in the middle. I am sensitive to these issues, more than you could realize from the information I provided above. Please take my word for it, I do have her concern at heart, but I care about this friendship as well, so let me have my moment of anger toward him. All I'm asking is help in resolving an issue that I feel is very complicated.
The issue last night, AS I ALREADY STATED, was in large part my fault. It is his house, I said, CLEARLY, "I took it too far." He responded in a rude/mean way that honestly hurt my feelings. I didn't take it THAT far, and it was childish when he turned the volume on the television up while I was telling him goodbye and thanks for dinner.
So now, that that is cleared up...I'll address the other, more pertinent questions...
The issue last night, AS I ALREADY STATED, was in large part my fault. It is his house, I said, CLEARLY, "I took it too far." He responded in a rude/mean way that honestly hurt my feelings. I didn't take it THAT far, and it was childish when he turned the volume on the television up while I was telling him goodbye and thanks for dinner.
So now, that that is cleared up...I'll address the other, more pertinent questions...
"But I'm curious why he would all of sudden take issue with you? What IS really going on there?"
Why would a person use the term, "turned off"? That refers to an attraction, in most cases. We all have friends, and when one of them pisses me off, I certainly don't say turned off .. that's used for attractions for most people I know. So, to use that term suggests to me that she's irritated with him for a reason she isn't mentioning .. like for instance .. perhaps jealously.
"I am one of them, and have been upset about it."
"I teased that it was rude and definitely took it a little too far."
As far as the sudden change in him ... the above (her two examples)sounds like a likely culprit. The first one says, she's been upset .. as in carrying it around. To be upset about an episode, she would have said, "I got upset" .. she said, "have been upset" .. have been suggests have been since it happened. The second one is an admission that she definitely took it a little too far.
So, there is some sort of taunting on her part .. or carrying around resentment .. in which case, he would have grounds to retaliation.
There are two people in a situation ... if a good friend just suddenly changes his attitude, then there's a reason for it because good friends don't do that.
People are looking at "that" his attitude changed towards her .. whereas I look at "what" has made him change. "That" means nothing, "that" is on the surface and is reactionary.
Why would a person use the term, "turned off"? That refers to an attraction, in most cases. We all have friends, and when one of them pisses me off, I certainly don't say turned off .. that's used for attractions for most people I know. So, to use that term suggests to me that she's irritated with him for a reason she isn't mentioning .. like for instance .. perhaps jealously.
"I am one of them, and have been upset about it."
"I teased that it was rude and definitely took it a little too far."
As far as the sudden change in him ... the above (her two examples)sounds like a likely culprit. The first one says, she's been upset .. as in carrying it around. To be upset about an episode, she would have said, "I got upset" .. she said, "have been upset" .. have been suggests have been since it happened. The second one is an admission that she definitely took it a little too far.
So, there is some sort of taunting on her part .. or carrying around resentment .. in which case, he would have grounds to retaliation.
There are two people in a situation ... if a good friend just suddenly changes his attitude, then there's a reason for it because good friends don't do that.
People are looking at "that" his attitude changed towards her .. whereas I look at "what" has made him change. "That" means nothing, "that" is on the surface and is reactionary.
"All I'm asking is help in resolving an issue that I feel is very complicated."
It's only complicated if you continue to carry it around, for then it will be inbetween both of them.
If both are good friends .. then simply do what friends do, and let your resentment pass.
It's only complicated if you continue to carry it around, for then it will be inbetween both of them.
If both are good friends .. then simply do what friends do, and let your resentment pass.
The volleyball incidents have been building. He is the self-appointed and all-around-respected head of the volleyball goings-on. He is diplomatic and good at it. When a newbie shows up, he shows them the ropes, as he did with me at the end of last summer.
The rules are flexible, though. They change to suit a mood. It started when I was in the middle of a game and my team had just won. (Winning team stays on court). A new guy had just showed up and I was informed I was no longer playing. I became angry and voiced my opinion (as it wasn't the first time I had been booted when a guy showed). None of comments were even directed toward him, he wasn't involved in the slightest.
However, this type of behavior has continued. Me being booted, or my turn being skipped entirely in favor of another, better, most often, MALE, player. The last few weeks (about 4) I've kept my mouth shut, because Dustin told me that I was "getting a reputation for being a whiner."
The truth of the matter, as I see it, is that the rules are flexible to suit who wants to WIN. I personally feel that the volleyball is and should be for fun, and winning is fun, but not necessary. I don't care that I'm not always picked, but when my name is next on the board, I feel it is only fair that I'm allowed to play. And if I AM skipped, I shouldn't be called a whiner for raising my voice about it.
That's the whole truth, the honest truth, and nothing but.
Proceed.
The rules are flexible, though. They change to suit a mood. It started when I was in the middle of a game and my team had just won. (Winning team stays on court). A new guy had just showed up and I was informed I was no longer playing. I became angry and voiced my opinion (as it wasn't the first time I had been booted when a guy showed). None of comments were even directed toward him, he wasn't involved in the slightest.
However, this type of behavior has continued. Me being booted, or my turn being skipped entirely in favor of another, better, most often, MALE, player. The last few weeks (about 4) I've kept my mouth shut, because Dustin told me that I was "getting a reputation for being a whiner."
The truth of the matter, as I see it, is that the rules are flexible to suit who wants to WIN. I personally feel that the volleyball is and should be for fun, and winning is fun, but not necessary. I don't care that I'm not always picked, but when my name is next on the board, I feel it is only fair that I'm allowed to play. And if I AM skipped, I shouldn't be called a whiner for raising my voice about it.
That's the whole truth, the honest truth, and nothing but.
Proceed.
So, he pissed you off .. and you pissed him off .. so what?
What's so complicated about being a human being?
If you truly care about your friends, rather than your own anger ... then you will let the resentment pass ..
What's so complicated about being a human being?
If you truly care about your friends, rather than your own anger ... then you will let the resentment pass ..
P-Angel
I don't have attraction/jealousy anything for him. Just because you don't use that phrase doesn't mean I can't. Don't wear out energy on that issue, it is a non-issue. I won't respond to it again. Really.
I am hearing what you have to say. I have been carrying it around, but so has he. It is obvious to me. I don't need to dissect what has happened, I need a way to balance it out and make it easier without upsetting him more, AND without appearing to be the whiner, yet again.
I don't have attraction/jealousy anything for him. Just because you don't use that phrase doesn't mean I can't. Don't wear out energy on that issue, it is a non-issue. I won't respond to it again. Really.
I am hearing what you have to say. I have been carrying it around, but so has he. It is obvious to me. I don't need to dissect what has happened, I need a way to balance it out and make it easier without upsetting him more, AND without appearing to be the whiner, yet again.
So, the truth comes out .... you resent that you aren't good enough at playing volleyball to bring your team to victory and have to sit the bench ... this resentment has caused you anger to lash out at him for it because you feel rejected. The tension has been building, as you said.
Like I said ... let the resentment pass.
"getting a reputation for being a whiner."
So, quit whining .. being a bad sport, and presenting anger at the coach is being a whiner.
"the rules are flexible to suit who wants to WIN. I personally feel that the volleyball is and should be for fun, and winning is fun, but not necessary."
A sport is about winning .. people like to win, they don't like to listen to a girl whining because she isn't good enough to play.
You are still whining .... this whole thing sounds like it has started over you getting the boot in a competitive sport.
If you can't play with the boys on their turf .. then go shopping with the girls and get your nails filed.
Like I said ... let the resentment pass.
"getting a reputation for being a whiner."
So, quit whining .. being a bad sport, and presenting anger at the coach is being a whiner.
"the rules are flexible to suit who wants to WIN. I personally feel that the volleyball is and should be for fun, and winning is fun, but not necessary."
A sport is about winning .. people like to win, they don't like to listen to a girl whining because she isn't good enough to play.
You are still whining .... this whole thing sounds like it has started over you getting the boot in a competitive sport.
If you can't play with the boys on their turf .. then go shopping with the girls and get your nails filed.
thanks FA...
I am not sure how to approach it. I think you're right, but he is so sick of hearing me talk about the volleyball thing, and I am so sick of feeling misrepresented that it is now bleeding into our everyday interactions...
How can I talk to someone about something they no longer wish to discuss? It irritates him just for me to bring it up to him...
I am not sure how to approach it. I think you're right, but he is so sick of hearing me talk about the volleyball thing, and I am so sick of feeling misrepresented that it is now bleeding into our everyday interactions...
How can I talk to someone about something they no longer wish to discuss? It irritates him just for me to bring it up to him...
um....
EVERYBODY gets to play. I don't care to be the best, and I'm certainly not the worst.
It's funny how you pick out aspects of my life that you've never seen played out. You seem to think I'm attracted to my BEST FRIEND's FIANCE and that I'm terrible at volleyball.
I'm not the best, I like to win, I make good plays, I miss some (like they all do). We're not part of a league. We drink beer and grill and play v-ball. So I'm the only one excluded on a regular basis, and I'm whining? How is that fair?
EVERYBODY gets to play. I don't care to be the best, and I'm certainly not the worst.
It's funny how you pick out aspects of my life that you've never seen played out. You seem to think I'm attracted to my BEST FRIEND's FIANCE and that I'm terrible at volleyball.
I'm not the best, I like to win, I make good plays, I miss some (like they all do). We're not part of a league. We drink beer and grill and play v-ball. So I'm the only one excluded on a regular basis, and I'm whining? How is that fair?
I guarantee I'm excluded of late because of my "reputation." not my skills.
Don't know how to work around it...
FA...you're right. I feel though, that I'm facing a wall and it's starting to feel so overwhelming. Everywhere I look is some reason he could call me out and make me feel small. It's awful...awful, I know: but I get emotional at the thought of it. It's upsetting and I just don't have a lot of fun out there lately...
Don't know how to work around it...
FA...you're right. I feel though, that I'm facing a wall and it's starting to feel so overwhelming. Everywhere I look is some reason he could call me out and make me feel small. It's awful...awful, I know: but I get emotional at the thought of it. It's upsetting and I just don't have a lot of fun out there lately...
If it weren't for my best friend, I wouldn't go back to play. Also...
his best friend is the man I'm dating now...
It's complicated to try to leave, and it's less about the volleyball and more about having a good time with my friends. I want to play, but have been thinking the easiest way to smooth things over was to just not play at all. But not a good solution because it's not what I really want to do....
I appreciate all your help, really. It's giving me a look at the way I really feel about it, maybe I could tell him some of these things I'm telling you...don't know if he'll care, but it doesn't sound aggressive or disrespectful..I dont' think anyway.
his best friend is the man I'm dating now...
It's complicated to try to leave, and it's less about the volleyball and more about having a good time with my friends. I want to play, but have been thinking the easiest way to smooth things over was to just not play at all. But not a good solution because it's not what I really want to do....
I appreciate all your help, really. It's giving me a look at the way I really feel about it, maybe I could tell him some of these things I'm telling you...don't know if he'll care, but it doesn't sound aggressive or disrespectful..I dont' think anyway.
to be fair, he doesn't know how much it is bothering me...to the point I'm considering not hanging out at all anymore...
"How can I talk to someone about something they no longer wish to discuss? It irritates him just for me to bring it up to him..."
Then stop bringing it up ... wtf?
Whether you are the best or worse player isn't the point .. the point is, you must keep bringing this up and whining, or you wouldn't have a "reputation" for it. A reputation is gained from a continued attitude .. which means you won't drop it.
Now you want to know how to talk to him about it without pissing him off, and he doesn't want to talk about it. What I gather is that what you want to talk about is why you can't play volleyball, because you asked how to do that without sounding like you're still whining.
Then stop bringing it up ... wtf?
Whether you are the best or worse player isn't the point .. the point is, you must keep bringing this up and whining, or you wouldn't have a "reputation" for it. A reputation is gained from a continued attitude .. which means you won't drop it.
Now you want to know how to talk to him about it without pissing him off, and he doesn't want to talk about it. What I gather is that what you want to talk about is why you can't play volleyball, because you asked how to do that without sounding like you're still whining.
"I mean if that's his only way of feeling manly or experiencing victory then he's got some unresolved issues. If you guys ultimately play for fun than I don't see why he can't take the time with you to even practice and be willing to lose a few games."
Just because one person thinks it's suppose to be for fun, doesn't mean every person is in it for fun. The only person who says it's suppose to be for fun is the one not playing. Obviously, the men are in it for the victory.
If you can't handle playing with the boys on their turf .. then go paint your fingernails with the girls.
Just because one person thinks it's suppose to be for fun, doesn't mean every person is in it for fun. The only person who says it's suppose to be for fun is the one not playing. Obviously, the men are in it for the victory.
If you can't handle playing with the boys on their turf .. then go paint your fingernails with the girls.
"What I gather is that what you want to talk about is why you can't play volleyball, because you asked how to do that without sounding like you're still whining."
I don't CARE about the volleyball as much as the fairness of the situation. My "reputation" is in HIS head, I do not make up the fact that I'm skipped over when it is legitmately my turn to play. As I said before, he calls it whining when I speak up for myself, when it's my turn to play and I kick someone off the court at my turn (just as I am kicked off when it is someone elses turn).
I want to talk to him regarding the horrible discomfort I feel around him, that he is making ME feel awkward and unhappy to be near him. That is his fiance is uncomfortable because we aren't getting along. That I'm not having a whole lot of fun anymore, and that I can't be myself. I don't feel I'm whining about anything, HE DOES.
I don't CARE about the volleyball as much as the fairness of the situation. My "reputation" is in HIS head, I do not make up the fact that I'm skipped over when it is legitmately my turn to play. As I said before, he calls it whining when I speak up for myself, when it's my turn to play and I kick someone off the court at my turn (just as I am kicked off when it is someone elses turn).
I want to talk to him regarding the horrible discomfort I feel around him, that he is making ME feel awkward and unhappy to be near him. That is his fiance is uncomfortable because we aren't getting along. That I'm not having a whole lot of fun anymore, and that I can't be myself. I don't feel I'm whining about anything, HE DOES.
Really it seems like
a small situation being turned into a bigger one.
lol. Don't they all?? you're right, but my feelings are hurt and I'm afraid of losing some friendships here.
Don't forget, Libra's hate confrontation...that's a huge part of this problem.
a small situation being turned into a bigger one.
lol. Don't they all?? you're right, but my feelings are hurt and I'm afraid of losing some friendships here.
Don't forget, Libra's hate confrontation...that's a huge part of this problem.
I had a Libra friend and she would turn every situation into
a situation about HER. I had to tell her several times it wasn't
always about HER"
You're right..I do get overly sensitive about issues, and I'm sure this is one of them.
Funny, just talking about it helped calm me down, I feel less emotional, and more sure of where I stand (in my own head). I'll take the approach you offer Toro, don't know if it will be effective, but it's the only response I can be left with at this point.
I think my best friends wants us to discuss things...it would make her feel better. She said he can be pretty understanding, and now that I'm calmer, maybe I'll just say "whats a matter you???" lol...no really, I'll tell him I've been feeling uncomfortable and whatnot...but pray I don't get emotional about it while I talk to him!!
a situation about HER. I had to tell her several times it wasn't
always about HER"
You're right..I do get overly sensitive about issues, and I'm sure this is one of them.
Funny, just talking about it helped calm me down, I feel less emotional, and more sure of where I stand (in my own head). I'll take the approach you offer Toro, don't know if it will be effective, but it's the only response I can be left with at this point.
I think my best friends wants us to discuss things...it would make her feel better. She said he can be pretty understanding, and now that I'm calmer, maybe I'll just say "whats a matter you???" lol...no really, I'll tell him I've been feeling uncomfortable and whatnot...but pray I don't get emotional about it while I talk to him!!
I agree with Toro, and not with FuckinA on this one.
It is being said to confront the issue, to get in his face and make a stand for yourself .. when it's all because you have taken this so personal and think it's all about you.
Confronting friends with attitude will only land you further estranged from them. There's no point in standing up to him, except to cause further drama and issues with two friends.
The right course of action is exactly what I said from the very beginning .. let your resentment pass. Apparantly you don't want to do that for a whole thread has been started about it, so you can perpetuate your feeling of resenting him ...
.. friends are suppose to let resentment pass, not feed on it.
It is being said to confront the issue, to get in his face and make a stand for yourself .. when it's all because you have taken this so personal and think it's all about you.
Confronting friends with attitude will only land you further estranged from them. There's no point in standing up to him, except to cause further drama and issues with two friends.
The right course of action is exactly what I said from the very beginning .. let your resentment pass. Apparantly you don't want to do that for a whole thread has been started about it, so you can perpetuate your feeling of resenting him ...
.. friends are suppose to let resentment pass, not feed on it.
well, I was in tears this afternoon and last about it. That was maybe too sensitive, right?? LOL...I just mean, I shouldn't get SOOOO worked up about it, I need to stay calmer, I think. Like you said, stick up for myself.
Wouldn't it be so much easier to do if I wasn't LITERALLY whining and crying??
Wouldn't it be so much easier to do if I wasn't LITERALLY whining and crying??
(NOT something I've done it the past, before you run off with that comment P-Angel)
friends are suppose to let resentment pass, not feed on it.
well, what about HIS resentment? I am not the only one feeling unhappy. He is, too. AND he's taking it out on me.
Don't friends talk to each other and compromise, too?
well, what about HIS resentment? I am not the only one feeling unhappy. He is, too. AND he's taking it out on me.
Don't friends talk to each other and compromise, too?
You said you pissed him off? How? Is it only because of your volleyball performance? If so, that's petty.
I get the feeling something is being left out from this story?
At any rate, you two are going to have to learn to accept one another's ways, and get past it, because you won't have a choice if they are going to be married. You will have to respect him and his house, as the husband of your bestfried. And he will have to respect you as her sister. Doesn't mean you'll be forced to be fake, or even friends. Just adults.
I get the feeling something is being left out from this story?
At any rate, you two are going to have to learn to accept one another's ways, and get past it, because you won't have a choice if they are going to be married. You will have to respect him and his house, as the husband of your bestfried. And he will have to respect you as her sister. Doesn't mean you'll be forced to be fake, or even friends. Just adults.
To my knowledge, I swear I haven't left anything out. Seriously.
As I see it, this is a clashing of personality, I don't take to being told I can't do something (esp. because I'm female, ESP..and really, it's not so much about performance as it is gender IMHO).
"At any rate, you two are going to have to learn to accept one another's ways, and get past it, because you won't have a choice if they are going to be married. You will have to respect him and his house, as the husband of your bestfried. And he will have to respect you as her sister. Doesn't mean you'll be forced to be fake, or even friends. Just adults."
You are completely right about this. And I can't help but be saddened by it because he has been my friend, too. A real one, and hopefully we can come to accept each other as is, because I will miss him if comes down to us tolerating each other for the sake of her.
As I see it, this is a clashing of personality, I don't take to being told I can't do something (esp. because I'm female, ESP..and really, it's not so much about performance as it is gender IMHO).
"At any rate, you two are going to have to learn to accept one another's ways, and get past it, because you won't have a choice if they are going to be married. You will have to respect him and his house, as the husband of your bestfried. And he will have to respect you as her sister. Doesn't mean you'll be forced to be fake, or even friends. Just adults."
You are completely right about this. And I can't help but be saddened by it because he has been my friend, too. A real one, and hopefully we can come to accept each other as is, because I will miss him if comes down to us tolerating each other for the sake of her.
If a person can't express themselves in a real way with another person and that person isn't even willing to listen or hear them, that doesn't even sound like someone who's a good friend to begin with and who doesn't appreciate friendship.
To be fair, neither one of us has tried to legitmately talk about what's going on. Me, avoiding confrontation, and him stirring the pot. It's been a bad combo, and I think a CALM but serious talk needs to happen, in which I don't feel attacked and neither does he.
he as been excellent, to defend my care for him, in every other aspect. As I said in the very first post, our friendship has always been respectful, up until this incident. He and his fiance are both a blessing in my life and they have welcomed me as family from the very get-go. I wish it were always easy, but sometimes I feel it is situations like this that truly test a friendship, make it firm and real. Without them, you never know for REAL if you can rely on that person or if they TRULY care enough to compromise for you...I dunno..maybe I'm getting to deep again, but I feel something important is happening here
To be fair, neither one of us has tried to legitmately talk about what's going on. Me, avoiding confrontation, and him stirring the pot. It's been a bad combo, and I think a CALM but serious talk needs to happen, in which I don't feel attacked and neither does he.
he as been excellent, to defend my care for him, in every other aspect. As I said in the very first post, our friendship has always been respectful, up until this incident. He and his fiance are both a blessing in my life and they have welcomed me as family from the very get-go. I wish it were always easy, but sometimes I feel it is situations like this that truly test a friendship, make it firm and real. Without them, you never know for REAL if you can rely on that person or if they TRULY care enough to compromise for you...I dunno..maybe I'm getting to deep again, but I feel something important is happening here
""If a person can't express themselves in a real way with another person and that person isn't even willing to listen or hear them, that doesn't even sound like someone who's a good friend to begin with and who doesn't appreciate friendship.""
So true.
So true.
You know what? I am willing to bet there is something that occured, something you may not remember, and he/they were offended by it, but never told you. Did that sentence make sense? I am sure there are things they discuss b/w themselves, and perhaps he's told her, but not you.
People do this sometimes. I have done it, and have witnessed it time and time again. People form the impression that you purposely stepped on their toes, and rather than speak up on the spot, they let resentment build.
He needs to just say what it is to clear the air, because you can't read minds. You may not even be aware of the "offense", b/c you may not have meant it that way.
People do this sometimes. I have done it, and have witnessed it time and time again. People form the impression that you purposely stepped on their toes, and rather than speak up on the spot, they let resentment build.
He needs to just say what it is to clear the air, because you can't read minds. You may not even be aware of the "offense", b/c you may not have meant it that way.
No FuckinA .. I don't think it's all her fault .. I do however, believe that this is simple, everyday shit that doesn't need to be blown-out of proportion.
People piss each other off .. every friend and family member I've ever had has pissed me off, or I them, at some point in time. So, you make up, hug and continue being human.
Instead, with this situation .... it's all dramatic. Two friends need to talk and instead of doing it, instead they are calling each other names, turning up the volume on the television, calling each other rude, yelling at each other in front of other volleyball players ..
.. pretty much immature kid shit having tantrums, from my perspective.
So, the fuck what .. two friends have an issue ... so instead of dealing with it like adults, they both would resort to this?
People piss each other off .. every friend and family member I've ever had has pissed me off, or I them, at some point in time. So, you make up, hug and continue being human.
Instead, with this situation .... it's all dramatic. Two friends need to talk and instead of doing it, instead they are calling each other names, turning up the volume on the television, calling each other rude, yelling at each other in front of other volleyball players ..
.. pretty much immature kid shit having tantrums, from my perspective.
So, the fuck what .. two friends have an issue ... so instead of dealing with it like adults, they both would resort to this?
I've heard Libras say before that they don't like confrontations .. from my perspective, that's just an excuse so they don't have to face life. There will always be issues, in some fashion .. life is designed to have obstacles and hurdles to overcome for self growth and maturity.
The answer is elementary ... let the resentment pass.
When I said this before .. the comeback was ... well what about him and his resentment. How childish is that? That is perpetuating this pain, feeding on it .. because you will only allow something to pass if he does. If he holds ill-will then you will also.
If this is the case ... then there is no desire on your part to actually mend this bridge .. if you will only let resentment pass if he does .. then this suggests that your desire is vindication.
The answer is elementary ... let the resentment pass.
When I said this before .. the comeback was ... well what about him and his resentment. How childish is that? That is perpetuating this pain, feeding on it .. because you will only allow something to pass if he does. If he holds ill-will then you will also.
If this is the case ... then there is no desire on your part to actually mend this bridge .. if you will only let resentment pass if he does .. then this suggests that your desire is vindication.
"Furthermore, with many of your comments you were putting it all on her and making it just her issue and I not only see it as her issue, but also his."
And this will always be. For example, Mata Hari has suggested, and you confirmed that his behaviour was poor .. when in reality, this is unfair to him. We don't really know what his behaviour was, we only know what this woman has said was his behaviour from her perspective, and her perspective is slanted in regards to resentment for her feelings getting hurt.
People come in here and only tell us what they want us to know, so that we can form an opinion which paints them as victims, while the other person is a complele asshole. Everybody does this .. I've done it, Roxi has done it, Southerns doing it on the other thread.
But, that other person isn't here to tell their side of the truth .. the truth from their own perspective, the truth in which hasn't been blemished by someone elses emotional injuries.
So, my comments to every person in here will ALWAYS take the position pointing accountibility straight at that person because that is the only person within the scenerio who is here to speak for her/himself. In this case, she is the one here .. so, whatever she did within this situation is the only thing any of us should comment on.
And this will always be. For example, Mata Hari has suggested, and you confirmed that his behaviour was poor .. when in reality, this is unfair to him. We don't really know what his behaviour was, we only know what this woman has said was his behaviour from her perspective, and her perspective is slanted in regards to resentment for her feelings getting hurt.
People come in here and only tell us what they want us to know, so that we can form an opinion which paints them as victims, while the other person is a complele asshole. Everybody does this .. I've done it, Roxi has done it, Southerns doing it on the other thread.
But, that other person isn't here to tell their side of the truth .. the truth from their own perspective, the truth in which hasn't been blemished by someone elses emotional injuries.
So, my comments to every person in here will ALWAYS take the position pointing accountibility straight at that person because that is the only person within the scenerio who is here to speak for her/himself. In this case, she is the one here .. so, whatever she did within this situation is the only thing any of us should comment on.
It doesn't sound logical to me that this man is jealous in any way, for whatever has caused this problem started after she ran her mouth at volleyball ..... all the while, no mention of this man getting upset with her the whole time he was dating her friend and becoming engaged with her.
It would seem logical that if he had some secret desire, then this would have been apparant from the beginning .. not after an engagement has been made. Furthermore, about the television situation .. it was said that she was at "their" place .. their suggests that these two are living together for it to be a "their". To be a their, and to be fiances ... indicates that these two have been together for awhile. If he was harboring feelings, it would seem logical to assume that these feelings would have presented themselves long before now.
However, her mention of the term, "turn off" ... is very suggestive to indicate there is an attraction in reverse.
It would seem logical that if he had some secret desire, then this would have been apparant from the beginning .. not after an engagement has been made. Furthermore, about the television situation .. it was said that she was at "their" place .. their suggests that these two are living together for it to be a "their". To be a their, and to be fiances ... indicates that these two have been together for awhile. If he was harboring feelings, it would seem logical to assume that these feelings would have presented themselves long before now.
However, her mention of the term, "turn off" ... is very suggestive to indicate there is an attraction in reverse.
Oh nevermind about the above comment .. I read what Mata Hari said wrong .. she was saying that he might have jealous of the connection between the two girls, and not a desire on his part for the Libra woman.
lol @ this thread
wow! this thing really took off. So much has been said, not really certain where to begin.
I don't believe I've acted childishly. He and did have a brief discussion, off- court in which I agreed to try to understand the "rules' of who is picked and who isn't...which is the real issue at stake here. The following day, I was skipped. I'm not sure where confusion is on this point, or to what purpose I would have in working myself up into a drama over something that never occurred or that could be easily solved by adjusting my behavior. I have adjusted it.
The incident, once again, at the house, was a matter of me teasing him for continually raising the volume over the voices of his fiance and I. I took the teasing too far, in his home, and he reacted childishly by raising the volume when I left the house, as I was thanking him for dinner and saying goodbye.
Now...
He isn't sexually interested in me. I'm positive of it. I've already addressed that damn issue p-angel can't get enough of. One word out of line, and I'm in love with my best friend's fiance and dating the man I'm in love with's best friend. CRAZINESS. You only know one side, why not believe it??? I don't have anything to lie about...why come and anonymously deny being in love with somebody> GET OVER IT. IT"S NOT TRUE.
I've had some time to digest our conversation, FA. I don't think I've behaved childishly. I go to the court to have fun, I don't like being told I'm not allowed to participate in a fun afternoon of games. Or that I'm only allowed to participate when they're good and ready to let me. But I can't go in attacking this scorpio, because he will react negatively to it and we'll be circling around each other again.
I'm going to speak with him, because I care about our friendship and think it can be resolved, very easily if we can be calm toward each other, and UNDERSTANDING. I don't know if there is something that happened that I'm unaware of, but speaking with a friend, she thinks there must be for him to have such a grudge...
I dunno. I don't want to defend myself or the reasons I'm friends with him. I don't believe in PAngel's garbage opinions, they are unbalanced, a thing a libra hates most, besides confrontation
I don't believe I've acted childishly. He and did have a brief discussion, off- court in which I agreed to try to understand the "rules' of who is picked and who isn't...which is the real issue at stake here. The following day, I was skipped. I'm not sure where confusion is on this point, or to what purpose I would have in working myself up into a drama over something that never occurred or that could be easily solved by adjusting my behavior. I have adjusted it.
The incident, once again, at the house, was a matter of me teasing him for continually raising the volume over the voices of his fiance and I. I took the teasing too far, in his home, and he reacted childishly by raising the volume when I left the house, as I was thanking him for dinner and saying goodbye.
Now...
He isn't sexually interested in me. I'm positive of it. I've already addressed that damn issue p-angel can't get enough of. One word out of line, and I'm in love with my best friend's fiance and dating the man I'm in love with's best friend. CRAZINESS. You only know one side, why not believe it??? I don't have anything to lie about...why come and anonymously deny being in love with somebody> GET OVER IT. IT"S NOT TRUE.
I've had some time to digest our conversation, FA. I don't think I've behaved childishly. I go to the court to have fun, I don't like being told I'm not allowed to participate in a fun afternoon of games. Or that I'm only allowed to participate when they're good and ready to let me. But I can't go in attacking this scorpio, because he will react negatively to it and we'll be circling around each other again.
I'm going to speak with him, because I care about our friendship and think it can be resolved, very easily if we can be calm toward each other, and UNDERSTANDING. I don't know if there is something that happened that I'm unaware of, but speaking with a friend, she thinks there must be for him to have such a grudge...
I dunno. I don't want to defend myself or the reasons I'm friends with him. I don't believe in PAngel's garbage opinions, they are unbalanced, a thing a libra hates most, besides confrontation
P Angel.
It is possible to gleam some glimpse of a situation through the eyes of another. It is possible that people have 2 totally different perspectives of a situation. However, one does not seek advice if they need a mediator. Does that make any sense? A mediator listens to both sides a situation and helps the sides come together in compromise.
I was not looking to DXPers to help me seek compromise with this man. More to discover the nature of his sign, the ways my non-confrontational sign could work to maintain the peace I crave and yet perform the outcome i desire (are these words too sexually suggestive for you? shall I change them? Lemme pull out my thesaurus). That outcome is merely to work things out, to let me know how he is frustrating me, how I am working him up so much and what needs to be done to resolve. I choose FA's way...of the many types of advice given it is the most true to the friendship I KNOW I have with this man.
You're interpretation is one sided because you decide to defend the man whom you've heard nothing from and know nothing about yet completely disregard me, who is the one voicing...it doesn't make sense to me..
It is possible to gleam some glimpse of a situation through the eyes of another. It is possible that people have 2 totally different perspectives of a situation. However, one does not seek advice if they need a mediator. Does that make any sense? A mediator listens to both sides a situation and helps the sides come together in compromise.
I was not looking to DXPers to help me seek compromise with this man. More to discover the nature of his sign, the ways my non-confrontational sign could work to maintain the peace I crave and yet perform the outcome i desire (are these words too sexually suggestive for you? shall I change them? Lemme pull out my thesaurus). That outcome is merely to work things out, to let me know how he is frustrating me, how I am working him up so much and what needs to be done to resolve. I choose FA's way...of the many types of advice given it is the most true to the friendship I KNOW I have with this man.
You're interpretation is one sided because you decide to defend the man whom you've heard nothing from and know nothing about yet completely disregard me, who is the one voicing...it doesn't make sense to me..
"You're interpretation is one sided because you decide to defend the man whom you've heard nothing from and know nothing about yet completely disregard me, who is the one voicing...it doesn't make sense to me.."
With all due respect libra...our interpretation of this thing is also one-sided. YOUR side. There is ALWAYS 2 sides to a story. Unfortunately we cant hear his and this all sounds a little too fishy. It doesnt make sense at all...at least not to me.
Just my $ 0.02
With all due respect libra...our interpretation of this thing is also one-sided. YOUR side. There is ALWAYS 2 sides to a story. Unfortunately we cant hear his and this all sounds a little too fishy. It doesnt make sense at all...at least not to me.
Just my $ 0.02
hahahahaha
hahahahaha
hahahahaha
a muse a libra, are you the only woman who plays? Are you one of many women who play, but you're the only one being replaced and by a male player?
I am one of 3 women who plays...and yes, we are all replaced by men on a regular basis.
Certainly my side is singular and unpredictable as it is. I understand that I don't know where he is coming from or what the real issue is, but I do have an open mind and a balanced view of myself. I don't feel I've inflated anything about the way I've reacted to him, nor have I left anything that I know out of my side of this story. I understand that you all cannot make an accurate judgement without hearing him, but P-Angel's incessant baratement of my responsibilities as a friend in this situation are over the top, as is her continual belief that I am attracted to him. Her focus is in the wrong place.
LikeBrad has the idea, he is a scorpio, I want to know how best to approach this toward a scorpio, coming at him with the only knowledge I have.
Truly, you all have helped me formulate what I believe the best course of action is. You've made me look at it from different angles, even P-Angel. I will speak to him, but not in such a way that will make me lose power to him, or make him feel stripped of his, as I know it is important to him as a scorp.
Don't forget, Libra women cannot STAND to be told they can't do something because they are women...and IMHO, that is exactly what is going on here...just my 2 cents.
Certainly my side is singular and unpredictable as it is. I understand that I don't know where he is coming from or what the real issue is, but I do have an open mind and a balanced view of myself. I don't feel I've inflated anything about the way I've reacted to him, nor have I left anything that I know out of my side of this story. I understand that you all cannot make an accurate judgement without hearing him, but P-Angel's incessant baratement of my responsibilities as a friend in this situation are over the top, as is her continual belief that I am attracted to him. Her focus is in the wrong place.
LikeBrad has the idea, he is a scorpio, I want to know how best to approach this toward a scorpio, coming at him with the only knowledge I have.
Truly, you all have helped me formulate what I believe the best course of action is. You've made me look at it from different angles, even P-Angel. I will speak to him, but not in such a way that will make me lose power to him, or make him feel stripped of his, as I know it is important to him as a scorp.
Don't forget, Libra women cannot STAND to be told they can't do something because they are women...and IMHO, that is exactly what is going on here...just my 2 cents.
"You only know one side, why not believe it???"
"You're interpretation is one sided because you decide to defend the man whom you've heard nothing from .."
... lol ... and I bet you aren't even aware of what those two quotes above mean within their hypocrasy, even if I explained it to you.
"completely disregard me, who is the one voicing"
.... Yet, it's to you in which I am regarding your words to question you and your actions within this scenerio, and not his since his voice isn't here to be heard to comment on.
.... by disregard .. you mean ... not SIDE with you, not living within the contridiction of your first two quotes because you want me to be ignornant to the hypocrasy. That's really what you mean by disregarding you .. I'm sure you don't get that eventhough I just explained it to you.
"it doesn't make sense to me"
... contridictions and selfishness isn't suppose to make sense, so when a person comments contrary to a narrow reality in which only revolves around you being the center .. this won't make sense to you because you believe people should just take what you say at face value, completely disregarding that we know the voice of the other party isn't here, yet, we should just lay a guilty verdict on him anyway, unfairly.
... I have a brain, in case you haven't noticed .. and this brain tells me that a very, very good friend doesn't just turn-coat on someone who is dear to them for no reason. To take it even further .. my brain tells me that a Scorpio, of all people, loyally stand and defend their people unconditionally .. that is .. until the day comes that they have been betrayed, in which case, the Stinger comes out. I KNOW you did something to cause his Stinger to come out, no matter how oblivious and unaware you are of yourself .. because I know people, I know human behaviour, I know Scorpios.
... What you want, is for people to just believe what comes out of your mouth and not use their brains ... for if they discern logically, then they might realize that you participated in fucking up a friendship, and it isn't all his fault, while you remain an innocent victim to circumstance, like you want us to believe.
... I'll never be that ignorant .. even on my worse day.
"You're interpretation is one sided because you decide to defend the man whom you've heard nothing from .."
... lol ... and I bet you aren't even aware of what those two quotes above mean within their hypocrasy, even if I explained it to you.
"completely disregard me, who is the one voicing"
.... Yet, it's to you in which I am regarding your words to question you and your actions within this scenerio, and not his since his voice isn't here to be heard to comment on.
.... by disregard .. you mean ... not SIDE with you, not living within the contridiction of your first two quotes because you want me to be ignornant to the hypocrasy. That's really what you mean by disregarding you .. I'm sure you don't get that eventhough I just explained it to you.
"it doesn't make sense to me"
... contridictions and selfishness isn't suppose to make sense, so when a person comments contrary to a narrow reality in which only revolves around you being the center .. this won't make sense to you because you believe people should just take what you say at face value, completely disregarding that we know the voice of the other party isn't here, yet, we should just lay a guilty verdict on him anyway, unfairly.
... I have a brain, in case you haven't noticed .. and this brain tells me that a very, very good friend doesn't just turn-coat on someone who is dear to them for no reason. To take it even further .. my brain tells me that a Scorpio, of all people, loyally stand and defend their people unconditionally .. that is .. until the day comes that they have been betrayed, in which case, the Stinger comes out. I KNOW you did something to cause his Stinger to come out, no matter how oblivious and unaware you are of yourself .. because I know people, I know human behaviour, I know Scorpios.
... What you want, is for people to just believe what comes out of your mouth and not use their brains ... for if they discern logically, then they might realize that you participated in fucking up a friendship, and it isn't all his fault, while you remain an innocent victim to circumstance, like you want us to believe.
... I'll never be that ignorant .. even on my worse day.
"P-Angel's incessant baratement of my responsibilities as a friend in this situation are over the top"
It only seems that way because I'm the only one pointing out the truth to you .... you want this all centered around you being a victim and that IS irresponsible as a friend.
Resentment is what has caused all of this ... you are standing on a ground that says just because you are female, you won't be told what to do .. and that's pretty pompous and arrogant.
Even by you saying that ...
"Don't forget, Libra women cannot STAND to be told they can't do something because they are women" ....
.. it is exhibiting a desire to be contemptuous with this man, who is suppose to be your friend .. while the other side of your mouth says you are only concerned about the friendship and want a peaceful way to approach him to not cause any further angst.
Total contridictions all over the place ... a person who has a desire to mend a friendship isn't going to say the above quote with haughtiness ... your desire is to be vindicated at his expense, no matter how much you falsify your intentions.
It only seems that way because I'm the only one pointing out the truth to you .... you want this all centered around you being a victim and that IS irresponsible as a friend.
Resentment is what has caused all of this ... you are standing on a ground that says just because you are female, you won't be told what to do .. and that's pretty pompous and arrogant.
Even by you saying that ...
"Don't forget, Libra women cannot STAND to be told they can't do something because they are women" ....
.. it is exhibiting a desire to be contemptuous with this man, who is suppose to be your friend .. while the other side of your mouth says you are only concerned about the friendship and want a peaceful way to approach him to not cause any further angst.
Total contridictions all over the place ... a person who has a desire to mend a friendship isn't going to say the above quote with haughtiness ... your desire is to be vindicated at his expense, no matter how much you falsify your intentions.
I am one of 3 women who plays...and yes, we are all replaced by men on a regular basis.
Leave then. Form your own squad or join a team that is in the game for fun and that thinks winning isn't everything - same as you say. Then, that way, you could stop holding the desire to be competitive and wanting to win against your friend(s).
You want this team to look past your sex, yet you want this team to put your female sensibilities before the game. That's so gay!
Leave then. Form your own squad or join a team that is in the game for fun and that thinks winning isn't everything - same as you say. Then, that way, you could stop holding the desire to be competitive and wanting to win against your friend(s).
You want this team to look past your sex, yet you want this team to put your female sensibilities before the game. That's so gay!
"newbie: $ 0.02.......i think some inflation should happen with this expression."
"your 2 cents is worth minus one billion dollars these days"
LOL...tell me about it.
"your 2 cents is worth minus one billion dollars these days"
LOL...tell me about it.
Many people have given you an an idea on how to address this issue with this Scorpio man ... and that is just a bandade, reacting to the surface .. the effect .. and NOT the cause.
The cause is attitude = resentment.
No matter how you approach this man, no matter the setting, no matter under what circumstances all these people in here have pointed out to you as being appropriately approachable .... if you carry an attitude of resentment, then your disposition will display this. There will be an expectation within you, for him to respond to your "talk" with him because you are anticipating/expecting a certain response from him to be formulated according to him having an understanding of your resentment towards him for his deed.
Without letting the resentment pass ... you will have no solution to the problem, no matter how much information you find out about Scorpios, no matter how you approach him .. and even if you don't confront at all, and just ignore the issue .... an imprint of restentment will still be planted in your mind.
You cannot fix him, or mold him ... you can only ensure your intentions are in the right place. A good deed, such as, mending a friendship, means nothing valuable .. if the intentions are in the wrong place.
And intentions comes from thought ... thought, in this case is resenting the fact that you cannot play volleyball with the boys because you are a girl.
========== creating bad karma, no matter how fucking sweet your voice is, no matter how good your deed of talking to him is.
Your solution to this problem is letting the resentment pass.
Once you've done this .. you won't even need insight from other people, you won't even need to hear any other persons opinion because your attitude will then be for good intentions (forgiveness & love of self and him), and you will instinctively know what you need to do to bring about peace and harmony.
If you don't let the resentment pass, and ignore the issue completely by joining another team and just disregarding him and your feelings .. then this resentment will build and fester .. eventually, bringing you to a place where you will start resenting your girlfriend for being the fiance of what you percieve as an asshole.
You, or anybody else can be as sweet as apple pie on the outside, but, if your intentions are foul .. then a good deed on the surface that comes from a bad intention = creating bad karma.
Your answer is simple .. let the resentment pass.
The cause is attitude = resentment.
No matter how you approach this man, no matter the setting, no matter under what circumstances all these people in here have pointed out to you as being appropriately approachable .... if you carry an attitude of resentment, then your disposition will display this. There will be an expectation within you, for him to respond to your "talk" with him because you are anticipating/expecting a certain response from him to be formulated according to him having an understanding of your resentment towards him for his deed.
Without letting the resentment pass ... you will have no solution to the problem, no matter how much information you find out about Scorpios, no matter how you approach him .. and even if you don't confront at all, and just ignore the issue .... an imprint of restentment will still be planted in your mind.
You cannot fix him, or mold him ... you can only ensure your intentions are in the right place. A good deed, such as, mending a friendship, means nothing valuable .. if the intentions are in the wrong place.
And intentions comes from thought ... thought, in this case is resenting the fact that you cannot play volleyball with the boys because you are a girl.
========== creating bad karma, no matter how fucking sweet your voice is, no matter how good your deed of talking to him is.
Your solution to this problem is letting the resentment pass.
Once you've done this .. you won't even need insight from other people, you won't even need to hear any other persons opinion because your attitude will then be for good intentions (forgiveness & love of self and him), and you will instinctively know what you need to do to bring about peace and harmony.
If you don't let the resentment pass, and ignore the issue completely by joining another team and just disregarding him and your feelings .. then this resentment will build and fester .. eventually, bringing you to a place where you will start resenting your girlfriend for being the fiance of what you percieve as an asshole.
You, or anybody else can be as sweet as apple pie on the outside, but, if your intentions are foul .. then a good deed on the surface that comes from a bad intention = creating bad karma.
Your answer is simple .. let the resentment pass.
Karma is an imprint in a persons mind. When you perform a good deed out of good intentions, the good intentions come from the mind. Having done this good deed (from good intentions), the residues of these intentions stay in your mind as ?imprints? .. NOT the deed ..
... THE INTENTIONS ...
Karma affects a person in two ways ..
1) Disposition ? attitude is your signature, it is imprinted in your mind
2) Experience ? the imprint comes from your reaction to perceptual inputs
** If you get offended by another person, or angered, by another persons words or deeds, then an imprint has been placed in your mind and affects your state of mind.
The underlying factor in the formation of karma is ?Intentions?
The purpose of Buddha teaching about the cause and effect of karma, was for souls to reach Dharma ... which has been grossly neglected and disregarded ... Hence: without reaching Dharma, and having full understanding of the purpose of karma, a person will remain in a loop of perpetual payment of debt to karma because they are only responding to correct the effect and not the cause.
... THE INTENTIONS ...
Karma affects a person in two ways ..
1) Disposition ? attitude is your signature, it is imprinted in your mind
2) Experience ? the imprint comes from your reaction to perceptual inputs
** If you get offended by another person, or angered, by another persons words or deeds, then an imprint has been placed in your mind and affects your state of mind.
The underlying factor in the formation of karma is ?Intentions?
The purpose of Buddha teaching about the cause and effect of karma, was for souls to reach Dharma ... which has been grossly neglected and disregarded ... Hence: without reaching Dharma, and having full understanding of the purpose of karma, a person will remain in a loop of perpetual payment of debt to karma because they are only responding to correct the effect and not the cause.
"And while people are so busy pointing a finger and telling she's wrong and she's putting her wants before something or she's being petty, so are these guys on her team and so is this woman's husband!"
Because FuckinA .. she CANNOT change him, only herself. If he's being unfair, if he's wrong .. then her making a stand in anger/resentment does NOT justify or validate her in any way. It will only create more tension, more resentment.
Whether he's an asshole, or not ...... she cannot change that by approaching him with this attitude. She, and you, are taking the position that he should be taught not to be unfair, that his actions are unacceptable towards females and she should have a right to make a stand for herself ....... and this coming from a place of superiourity because of resentment.
If a stand is made without fixing this attitude within herself ... then the only thing she will accomplish is for the men to have validation that females are a bunch of bitches and whiners .. for her attitude when making this stand will clearly show her ANGER.
To fix a problem .. it cannot be approached angrily .. for the only outcome will be more anger and resentment. She cannot fix him, she cannot change his attitude, she cannot mold him in any way for him to have an expected response, or understanding to why she is upset ..
..... if she approaches him carrying resentment, anger
If she lets this pass, then her approach with him will be calm, balanced, fair, with a desire for resolution, rather than spite.
"It's as if to say that for a woman to want an equal opportunity to play on a team means she's causing trouble and her rights are petty and meaningless, which is a mentality that women have and continue to have to fight against!"
I agree with your comment above .. women should be equal .. we all should be equal .. but, if this is approached without her fixing her attitude, then her intentions will be for spite because she feels slighted. And that is a mentality that every person seems to overlook and continue to fight against to their own detriment.
Fighting against him is not the answer ....
Because FuckinA .. she CANNOT change him, only herself. If he's being unfair, if he's wrong .. then her making a stand in anger/resentment does NOT justify or validate her in any way. It will only create more tension, more resentment.
Whether he's an asshole, or not ...... she cannot change that by approaching him with this attitude. She, and you, are taking the position that he should be taught not to be unfair, that his actions are unacceptable towards females and she should have a right to make a stand for herself ....... and this coming from a place of superiourity because of resentment.
If a stand is made without fixing this attitude within herself ... then the only thing she will accomplish is for the men to have validation that females are a bunch of bitches and whiners .. for her attitude when making this stand will clearly show her ANGER.
To fix a problem .. it cannot be approached angrily .. for the only outcome will be more anger and resentment. She cannot fix him, she cannot change his attitude, she cannot mold him in any way for him to have an expected response, or understanding to why she is upset ..
..... if she approaches him carrying resentment, anger
If she lets this pass, then her approach with him will be calm, balanced, fair, with a desire for resolution, rather than spite.
"It's as if to say that for a woman to want an equal opportunity to play on a team means she's causing trouble and her rights are petty and meaningless, which is a mentality that women have and continue to have to fight against!"
I agree with your comment above .. women should be equal .. we all should be equal .. but, if this is approached without her fixing her attitude, then her intentions will be for spite because she feels slighted. And that is a mentality that every person seems to overlook and continue to fight against to their own detriment.
Fighting against him is not the answer ....
sheesh, there is too much coming from all sides....I want to address all of this. I think it is all valid and appreciate the opinions. I have an extremely busy day at work...please don't bring up any "new" issues until I can get to the 20 or so behind this post!
I mean, I know you'll carry on, but it is difficult because i can't participate right now.
I mean, I know you'll carry on, but it is difficult because i can't participate right now.
@ likeBrad. Hi.Leave Your Feedback
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