Posted by DMVToo long; didnt read
What does tl dr mean?
Posted by evalani05I am not sure. I am not good at identifying feelings in myself or in other people. I can say with him it's just a hurricane of emotions: sadness, infatuation, anger, pride, guilt, jealousy.Posted by whydo_i_tryWhat do you feel for this man
For privacy purposes, I'm changing the names of the two main states involved. We shall call my home state Oz; my current state of residence Dixie; and Texas is just Texas. I live right next to Texas so I often go there to hide. Also, this is going to be long, but I will post a TL;DR at the end. Now let's get started...click to expand
Posted by karialexciaI am a Scorpio..
What sign are you?
Posted by evalani05Yeah:Posted by whydo_i_tryOk...you must be a water sign,do you know your birth chart?Posted by evalani05I am not sure. I am not good at identifying feelings in myself or in other people. I can say with him it's just a hurricane of emotions: sadness, infatuation, anger, pride, guilt, jealousy.Posted by whydo_i_tryWhat do you feel for this man
For privacy purposes, I'm changing the names of the two main states involved. We shall call my home state Oz; my current state of residence Dixie; and Texas is just Texas. I live right next to Texas so I often go there to hide. Also, this is going to be long, but I will post a TL;DR at the end. Now let's get started...click to expand
Posted by idkIf I try putting my foot down, he'll just keep asking until I either give in or I disappear. I tell him when he's walking all over me and he just responds with "You like it".
i'm sure you might be a little down on yourself. do you think it would improve how you felt about the situation if you put your foot down at times when you can't be complicit
if you feel like he's walking all over you, that doesn't mean he knows it without you telling him
Posted by karialexciaI feel like it would be wrong to leave him. I don't think he will find any other lady to put up with this shit, so it's my responsibility to stay (unless he gives me the boot).
This is my opinion.. I think you should stop talking to him. Might not be easy to, but, You deserve better treatment. Please believe that.
When he messages, ignore it or put him on the reject call/ text list.
If you don't he will continue to come back because he knows you will always respond. It is up to you. I assure you, you deserve so much more than this.
Posted by whydo_i_tryHe probably doesn't do that shit with other girls--because they don't put up with it.Posted by karialexciaI feel like it would be wrong to leave him. I don't think he will find any other lady to put up with this shit, so it's my responsibility to stay (unless he gives me the boot).
This is my opinion.. I think you should stop talking to him. Might not be easy to, but, You deserve better treatment. Please believe that.
When he messages, ignore it or put him on the reject call/ text list.
If you don't he will continue to come back because he knows you will always respond. It is up to you. I assure you, you deserve so much more than this.
Is it possible to perhaps change him to be nicer?click to expand
Posted by whydo_i_tryThis is a good way to ensure that he never changes.Posted by karialexciaI feel like it would be wrong to leave him. I don't think he will find any other lady to put up with this shit, so it's my responsibility to stay (unless he gives me the boot).
This is my opinion.. I think you should stop talking to him. Might not be easy to, but, You deserve better treatment. Please believe that.
When he messages, ignore it or put him on the reject call/ text list.
If you don't he will continue to come back because he knows you will always respond. It is up to you. I assure you, you deserve so much more than this.
Is it possible to perhaps change him to be nicer?click to expand
Posted by wickedIt wasn't necessarily a question as much as it was just a journal-ish post anonymously expressing my insecurity & confusion
Your question is why does he keep you around? Because you are deep into this. You have been a nice play toy for him. He knows to manipulate you. You will soon start to hate the woman you have become. No point blaming him. You are not his mommy. Do yourself a biggg favour and walk away from this. The day you succumbed to his charms and left your essay papers away just to indulge his cravings, that was a huge turning point in your life. Now are you strong enough to help yourself to a great life or are you going to learn to be his doormat?The Q is are you are strong enough to do it?
Posted by idkhe's right though. she does like it. if he didn't she wouldn't stay around. look how she is defending it? it's her responsibility, it's her role, no one else will treat her or him this way.Posted by whydo_i_tryhonestly tried?Posted by idkIf I try putting my foot down, he'll just keep asking until I either give in or I disappear. I tell him when he's walking all over me and he just responds with "You like it".
i'm sure you might be a little down on yourself. do you think it would improve how you felt about the situation if you put your foot down at times when you can't be complicit
if you feel like he's walking all over you, that doesn't mean he knows it without you telling him
a response like that deserves a lightning fast "fuck off douche" iyamclick to expand
Posted by idkconfused. boundaries are being crossed and she has lost control of it.
well i guess if she can tolerate it. but then why post something like this
Posted by jeaneYou are so right [about the sub tendencies]. And you're right, it's confusing and hurtful because I don't know how to put boundaries on it. Not sure if I'll join a group though; I fear things may get too serious or intense or dangerous. But maybe I will one day, who knows. On the note of meeting him if I was interested beyond the sexual dynamic, I didn't meet him those countless times because I felt like all he wanted was sex while I wanted to take things slow. Not to mention I've felt like he will have high expectations of me in bed given how raunchy our conversations would get.
he's right though. she does like it. if he didn't she wouldn't stay around. look how she is defending it? it's her responsibility, it's her role, no one else will treat her or him this way.
op, you have sub tenancies. i think what confuses you is that you enjoy this sort of play but yet don't know how to put boundaries on it. i would encourage you to do a bit of reading of this and perhaps when you feel ready, you might want to start reaching out to groups in your area to learn more about your sexuality.
this guy is taking advantage of you. you're a free phone sex line for him and soon to be a free sex show. you won't change him and to be honest, you don't really care that much about him. you would have met him those countless times if you were interested in him beyond the sexual dynamic.
Posted by whydo_i_tryyeah, see how you feel. perhaps look into forums, speak to others and maybe if you get more comfortable you can explore the community. i'm not part of it but know people who are, and you'd never guess by looking at them. they are very normal, ordinary, law abiding citizens who wouldn't hurt a fly (unless you asked them to!). if nothing else the community can help you see the more healthy ways to incorporate this kind of play into your future relationships with boundaries that you set and feel comfortable with.Posted by jeaneYou are so right [about the sub tendencies]. And you're right, it's confusing and hurtful because I don't know how to put boundaries on it. Not sure if I'll join a group though; I fear things may get too serious or intense or dangerous. But maybe I will one day, who knows. On the note of meeting him if I was interested beyond the sexual dynamic, I didn't meet him those countless times because I felt like all he wanted was sex while I wanted to take things slow. Not to mention I've felt like he will have high expectations of me in bed given how raunchy our conversations would get.
he's right though. she does like it. if he didn't she wouldn't stay around. look how she is defending it? it's her responsibility, it's her role, no one else will treat her or him this way.
op, you have sub tenancies. i think what confuses you is that you enjoy this sort of play but yet don't know how to put boundaries on it. i would encourage you to do a bit of reading of this and perhaps when you feel ready, you might want to start reaching out to groups in your area to learn more about your sexuality.
this guy is taking advantage of you. you're a free phone sex line for him and soon to be a free sex show. you won't change him and to be honest, you don't really care that much about him. you would have met him those countless times if you were interested in him beyond the sexual dynamic.click to expand
Posted by busyeyes88she is at the stage in her life of learning more about herself, sexuality and turn ons. it may not be your thing but we all have our little kinks. there is nothing wrong with her. she just needs some advice in how to channel that side of her into a way that makes her happy.Posted by whydo_i_tryDumb! Don't start another one again unless you decide to change your career to a sex phone caller!!
Thanks for the responses y'all. This has helped me realize and put words to how I feel. I realize that it is a very unhealthy "relationship" that is causing me more sorrow than joy nowadays. Therefore I will finally end things once and for all.click to expand
Posted by jeaneI have a problem with this, actually. It takes a women of high self esteem to actually benefit from these kind of "kinks", and by her own description, the OP doesn't (yet) have that. I honestly think you're encouraging self destructive behavior in this case.Posted by busyeyes88she is at the stage in her life of learning more about herself, sexuality and turn ons. it may not be your thing but we all have our little kinks. there is nothing wrong with her. she just needs some advice in how to channel that side of her into a way that makes her happy.Posted by whydo_i_tryDumb! Don't start another one again unless you decide to change your career to a sex phone caller!!
Thanks for the responses y'all. This has helped me realize and put words to how I feel. I realize that it is a very unhealthy "relationship" that is causing me more sorrow than joy nowadays. Therefore I will finally end things once and for all.
i applaud and admire her! i wish more women would be open to the rich tapestry that is their sexuality.click to expand
Posted by sultrykittymaybe but i'm not sure on causation. i would like to think that getting handle on her sexuality in a healthy way might improve her self esteem. she's feeling her way. she's going to make mistakes. we all do. a show of hands of us who didn't make mistakes in our early 20's. she chose the wrong guy. she realises it and is moving on. will she make the same mistake again? i hope not but if it does start going that way again, she'll be much more aware of it and that's a good thing.
I have a problem with this, actually. It takes a women of high self esteem to actually benefit from these kind of "kinks", and by her own description, the OP doesn't (yet) have that. I honestly think you're encouraging self destructive behavior in this case.
A woman with high self esteem wouldn't have gone so far as phone sex and pussy shots without having first established a clear relationship with a man who respects her. Makes all the difference in the world.
Posted by jeaneI think we can agree to disagree on this point, but that is your perspective. All it takes is the *right* person to explore this with, and that requires better discernment as to what that is (ie, more self worth). It doesn’t have to define one's sexuality. We are all multifaceted in terms of turn ons, and it does take self confidence to express them appropriately. It doesn't happen the other way around where one's sexuality defines their level of self esteem. If that is the case, then I'll maintain that there are some underlying self image problems that should probably be addressed.Posted by sultrykitty
I have a problem with this, actually. It takes a women of high self esteem to actually benefit from these kind of "kinks", and by her own description, the OP doesn't (yet) have that. I honestly think you're encouraging self destructive behavior in this case.
A woman with high self esteem wouldn't have gone so far as phone sex and pussy shots without having first established a clear relationship with a man who respects her. Makes all the difference in the world.
waiting for self esteem to be at a high to explore themselves and their sexuality is probably why so many women are sexually repressed, naive and unsatisfied.click to expand
Posted by BG2the sub does relinquish to the dom but they define the boundaries and they are the ones to make it stop. it also only happens during defined play periods. it doesn't extend beyond that into the wider everyday life. just because you are a sub doesn't mean you are a sub for 24 hours a day.Posted by wickedPeople have different definitions of a dom-sub relationship.
Thought I shld add this
I have a friend who is a sub
She is super confident, bossy in person. U wldnt guess she is a sub
Clear boundaries must be drawn. And there should be respect for each other. Shouldn't Erode our soul away.
I do agree with you. Whatever role one is in, respect and boundaries are a must. Yet some think differently; a sub must relinquish any sense of self to the dom, they don't get a say, they don't have any power...and both actually thrive in that.
Clearly OP isn't one of them or she wouldn't have created the thread.click to expand
Posted by sultrykittynot really my opinion, more based on studies.
I think we can agree to disagree on this point, but that is your perspective. All it takes is the *right* person to explore this with, and that requires better discernment as to what that is (ie, more self worth). It doesn’t have to define one's sexuality. We are all multifaceted in terms of turn ons, and it does take self confidence to express them appropriately. It doesn't happen the other way around where one's sexuality defines their level of self esteem. If that is the case, then I'll maintain that there are some underlying self image problems that should probably be addressed.
Posted by BG2wow. that would be difficult to do, i imagine.Posted by jeaneI get that.Posted by BG2the sub does relinquish to the dom but they define the boundaries and they are the ones to make it stop. it also only happens during defined play periods. it doesn't extend beyond that into the wider everyday life. just because you are a sub doesn't mean you are a sub for 24 hours a day.Posted by wickedPeople have different definitions of a dom-sub relationship.
Thought I shld add this
I have a friend who is a sub
She is super confident, bossy in person. U wldnt guess she is a sub
Clear boundaries must be drawn. And there should be respect for each other. Shouldn't Erode our soul away.
I do agree with you. Whatever role one is in, respect and boundaries are a must. Yet some think differently; a sub must relinquish any sense of self to the dom, they don't get a say, they don't have any power...and both actually thrive in that.
Clearly OP isn't one of them or she wouldn't have created the thread.
And that relinquishing is balanced with clear boundaries.
To some, it does extend to everyday life. Not just sex play. These roles become or have always been integral parts of who they are, in everything. Boundaries are dissolved completely (this is a negative example), meaning once the sub surrenders, that's it.
Like I said, some thrive in that, for some reason.click to expand
Posted by jeanePosted by sultrykittynot really my opinion, more based on studies.
I think we can agree to disagree on this point, but that is your perspective. All it takes is the *right* person to explore this with, and that requires better discernment as to what that is (ie, more self worth). It doesn’t have to define one's sexuality. We are all multifaceted in terms of turn ons, and it does take self confidence to express them appropriately. It doesn't happen the other way around where one's sexuality defines their level of self esteem. If that is the case, then I'll maintain that there are some underlying self image problems that should probably be addressed.
here is one
"Galinsky further theorizes that because young women face more barriers to sexual expression as compared to men, the achievement of sexual enjoyment may do more to boost their self-esteem and sense of autonomy.
“Alternatively, these developmental assets may be more important to young women’s sexual pleasure since they help them break down impediments to sexual communication and exploration,” she said."
http://psychcentral.com/news/2011/06/06/sexual-health-linked-to-self-esteem-empathy-autonomy/26696.html<div class="bqfade">click to expand
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Posted by busyeyes88
You are very very vain I'll give you that much!!
What sun sign are you?
Are you a Leo?
