I just don't know anymore...

Posted by Catullus
Impulsv is right, it's only been 3 months and grief isn't something most people can just brush off. Give him sometime, if you're worried that he's growing distant then contact/talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to help him.

Posted by Impulsv
Does he push you away

Tell him how this is supposed to work if he's not including you

But also

It's only been three months

Let's hope u never have to go through something like this

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus
Impulsv is right, it's only been 3 months and grief isn't something most people can just brush off. Give him sometime, if you're worried that he's growing distant then contact/talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to help him.

I know. I have to keep telling myself that and I have to get myself to think rational. I just get so impatient. I'm grieving too... his brother was actually a really good friend of mine, so it's hard for me also. His way of grieving is by becoming extremely distant. My way of grieving is wanting to be close to him. So it's just hard, and I'm so scared that this is gonna tear us apart. Maybe I'm just being too emotional today because I keep thinking of his brother. It's been a tough week

click to expand

Posted by Catullus

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus
Impulsv is right, it's only been 3 months and grief isn't something most people can just brush off. Give him sometime, if you're worried that he's growing distant then contact/talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to help him.

I know. I have to keep telling myself that and I have to get myself to think rational. I just get so impatient. I'm grieving too... his brother was actually a really good friend of mine, so it's hard for me also. His way of grieving is by becoming extremely distant. My way of grieving is wanting to be close to him. So it's just hard, and I'm so scared that this is gonna tear us apart. Maybe I'm just being too emotional today because I keep thinking of his brother. It's been a tough week

Talk to him about it, maybe do something to honor his brother and grieve together in that moment. It can be something simple like going to a place his brother liked, buying his brothers favorite drink/food, planting a tree/flower/plant in his honor in your/his/the family's backyard. See if that helps a little bit.

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Posted by csdude55
I'm not sure how much I believe in "true love", but if you're wanting to abandon him 3 months after his brother died because he's depressed, then... well, this definitely isn't true love.

I do think you have unrealistic, somewhat childish expectations, which is kind of unexpected if you're really 26 like your profile says. You want the attention to be on you, when it's obvious that his emotions are elsewhere, and you're thinking about moving on to someone else that will give you that attention. And I'm betting that you already have that someone else in mind.

I kind of feel like you would be doing him a favor by leaving him now and get it over with. Don't let him waste any more time on someone that doesn't love him, and really doesn't deserve him. Just do it gently and make sure he doesn't blame himself, when he's obviously done nothing wrong.

Posted by csdude55
I know the feeling, I had to vent yesterday myself. It helped me to not vent at the person I really wanted to yell at, so I totally get it.

I was worried that my reply to you was too mean, but you did hit a little bit of a sore spot for me. You just have to remember that he's in some incredible pain, and probably doesn't know how to process it. He needs for you to be there, even if he's pushing you away.

This type of period is a make-or-break for a relationship, believe me. So if you don't think you really love him, then now's the time to leave, for real.

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus
Impulsv is right, it's only been 3 months and grief isn't something most people can just brush off. Give him sometime, if you're worried that he's growing distant then contact/talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to help him.

I know. I have to keep telling myself that and I have to get myself to think rational. I just get so impatient. I'm grieving too... his brother was actually a really good friend of mine, so it's hard for me also. His way of grieving is by becoming extremely distant. My way of grieving is wanting to be close to him. So it's just hard, and I'm so scared that this is gonna tear us apart. Maybe I'm just being too emotional today because I keep thinking of his brother. It's been a tough week

Talk to him about it, maybe do something to honor his brother and grieve together in that moment. It can be something simple like going to a place his brother liked, buying his brothers favorite drink/food, planting a tree/flower/plant in his honor in your/his/the family's backyard. See if that helps a little bit.

Oh trust me, I've tried. He won't even let me come over. He shuts me out completely.

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Posted by Impulsv
I mean im even mad for you

With freinds like that who needs enemies!

Fuck the man lost his brother

N they telling u he's cheating

Obvious who's more fucked up

Posted by xBruceCampbellx
Loss of a loved one is something that takes time to heal from. If you miss him, reach out to him. It can't hurt. Just let him know that you're there for him. People often pull away from others when they're going through such things. You can't expect things to be exactly like they were before.

Posted by Sodapop
You have to remember he's not doing it to hurt you, if anything he's trying to protect you actually, he probably realizes how dark this is and doesn't want to take you down with him. You don't understand death until it puts its hand on someone so dear to you, you say you lost your grandpa and uncle, but it's just not the same, losing your sibling you spent your entire childhood with, how do you even get over this? He won't. He'll just learn to live with the pain.

Don't give up on him, instead suggest therapy, separate for him and also a couple counseling for you two.

Is his brother buried or cremeated? If he's buried, suggest you go visit, he may feel some peace there. Don't say anything, if he wants to talk he will, he may just cry and open up.

He probably needs you now more than ever, if you truly love him, you need to be there, take it for him, you'll have to handle him off loading and dumping things on you from time to time.

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus
I don't know what to do anymore... I'm sorry if I sound selfish as fuck. I feel like just giving up on this relationship. I'm not happy. I haven't been for a while. But I feel horrible if I were to break up with him. Long story short for anyone who doesn't know, my boyfriends brother died almost 3 months ago, and times have just been really tough. I don't wanna give up on him, but I feel like my needs are never being met. I barely see him anymore. We barely speak. I feel like I'm single. I miss him and the way things were. I just feel like it'll never be the same anymore. He obviously will never be the same. I'm just really torn right now. Maybe I'm just too needy and paranoid. I don't know. I feel shitty for even thinking this. Sorry just venting here because I don't feel like telling my friends

Posted by csdude55
I don't know, the friend here could go either way. She was obviously pretty close to your boyfriend, so it could be:

1. She's trying to move in on him and wants you out of the way;

2. She's unhappy and wants to see you unhappy; or

3. She may have knowledge of something you don't know.

Were I in your shoes, I would ask her, point blank: "you mentioned a few days ago that you thought [he] might be getting comfort from someone else. Are you trying to say that you know something?"

Give her a chance to tell you anything she knows. And if she's just talking out of her butt (do people still say that?) then it might be time to consider that a toxic friendship and demote her to acquaintance. It sounds like you've dumped her before, and I'm sure there's a reason why.

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Impulsv
I mean im even mad for you

With freinds like that who needs enemies!

Fuck the man lost his brother

N they telling u he's cheating

Obvious who's more fucked up

Yeah. The main friend who tells me all this is his brothers girlfriend (well, ex girlfriend now). The only reason why I haven't dropped her is because the last thing I promised him before he died was for me to be friends with her again...

I tell her that I miss him and that he's so depressed that he pushes me away, and her response "Well I hope he's not finding comfort from someone else" ? Ugh.

click to expand

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus
Impulsv is right, it's only been 3 months and grief isn't something most people can just brush off. Give him sometime, if you're worried that he's growing distant then contact/talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to help him.

I know. I have to keep telling myself that and I have to get myself to think rational. I just get so impatient. I'm grieving too... his brother was actually a really good friend of mine, so it's hard for me also. His way of grieving is by becoming extremely distant. My way of grieving is wanting to be close to him. So it's just hard, and I'm so scared that this is gonna tear us apart. Maybe I'm just being too emotional today because I keep thinking of his brother. It's been a tough week

Talk to him about it, maybe do something to honor his brother and grieve together in that moment. It can be something simple like going to a place his brother liked, buying his brothers favorite drink/food, planting a tree/flower/plant in his honor in your/his/the family's backyard. See if that helps a little bit.

Oh trust me, I've tried. He won't even let me come over. He shuts me out completely.

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Posted by AquaNextDoor

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus
Impulsv is right, it's only been 3 months and grief isn't something most people can just brush off. Give him sometime, if you're worried that he's growing distant then contact/talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to help him.

I know. I have to keep telling myself that and I have to get myself to think rational. I just get so impatient. I'm grieving too... his brother was actually a really good friend of mine, so it's hard for me also. His way of grieving is by becoming extremely distant. My way of grieving is wanting to be close to him. So it's just hard, and I'm so scared that this is gonna tear us apart. Maybe I'm just being too emotional today because I keep thinking of his brother. It's been a tough week

Talk to him about it, maybe do something to honor his brother and grieve together in that moment. It can be something simple like going to a place his brother liked, buying his brothers favorite drink/food, planting a tree/flower/plant in his honor in your/his/the family's backyard. See if that helps a little bit.

Oh trust me, I've tried. He won't even let me come over. He shuts me out completely.

He is not the one for you and you are not the one for him dear.. otherwise he would seek you out in times like these. I'd tell him that he can come to you if he feels like he needs someone to talk/listen and that you give him space. In the mean time you can suggest a break from the relationship - in the end it will result in a break up sooner or later anyways. You are absolutely right about your feelings!

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Posted by jeane

Posted by AquaNextDoor

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus
Impulsv is right, it's only been 3 months and grief isn't something most people can just brush off. Give him sometime, if you're worried that he's growing distant then contact/talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to help him.

I know. I have to keep telling myself that and I have to get myself to think rational. I just get so impatient. I'm grieving too... his brother was actually a really good friend of mine, so it's hard for me also. His way of grieving is by becoming extremely distant. My way of grieving is wanting to be close to him. So it's just hard, and I'm so scared that this is gonna tear us apart. Maybe I'm just being too emotional today because I keep thinking of his brother. It's been a tough week

Talk to him about it, maybe do something to honor his brother and grieve together in that moment. It can be something simple like going to a place his brother liked, buying his brothers favorite drink/food, planting a tree/flower/plant in his honor in your/his/the family's backyard. See if that helps a little bit.

Oh trust me, I've tried. He won't even let me come over. He shuts me out completely.

He is not the one for you and you are not the one for him dear.. otherwise he would seek you out in times like these. I'd tell him that he can come to you if he feels like he needs someone to talk/listen and that you give him space. In the mean time you can suggest a break from the relationship - in the end it will result in a break up sooner or later anyways. You are absolutely right about your feelings!

Not true. Men don't console themselves by seeking social support. For them it is a solitary pursuit.

click to expand

Posted by AquaNextDoor

Posted by jeane

Posted by AquaNextDoor

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus
Impulsv is right, it's only been 3 months and grief isn't something most people can just brush off. Give him sometime, if you're worried that he's growing distant then contact/talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to help him.

I know. I have to keep telling myself that and I have to get myself to think rational. I just get so impatient. I'm grieving too... his brother was actually a really good friend of mine, so it's hard for me also. His way of grieving is by becoming extremely distant. My way of grieving is wanting to be close to him. So it's just hard, and I'm so scared that this is gonna tear us apart. Maybe I'm just being too emotional today because I keep thinking of his brother. It's been a tough week

Talk to him about it, maybe do something to honor his brother and grieve together in that moment. It can be something simple like going to a place his brother liked, buying his brothers favorite drink/food, planting a tree/flower/plant in his honor in your/his/the family's backyard. See if that helps a little bit.

Oh trust me, I've tried. He won't even let me come over. He shuts me out completely.

He is not the one for you and you are not the one for him dear.. otherwise he would seek you out in times like these. I'd tell him that he can come to you if he feels like he needs someone to talk/listen and that you give him space. In the mean time you can suggest a break from the relationship - in the end it will result in a break up sooner or later anyways. You are absolutely right about your feelings!

Not true. Men don't console themselves by seeking social support. For them it is a solitary pursuit.

Yes true, but they won't shut out the one they love for so long. She already said that they barely speak nor see eachother, he's not in love with her. Otherwise she wouldnt feel like a single. He might love her thought but truly being in love looks different even in hard times!

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Posted by jeane

Posted by AquaNextDoor

Posted by jeane

Posted by AquaNextDoor

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus
Impulsv is right, it's only been 3 months and grief isn't something most people can just brush off. Give him sometime, if you're worried that he's growing distant then contact/talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to help him.

I know. I have to keep telling myself that and I have to get myself to think rational. I just get so impatient. I'm grieving too... his brother was actually a really good friend of mine, so it's hard for me also. His way of grieving is by becoming extremely distant. My way of grieving is wanting to be close to him. So it's just hard, and I'm so scared that this is gonna tear us apart. Maybe I'm just being too emotional today because I keep thinking of his brother. It's been a tough week

Talk to him about it, maybe do something to honor his brother and grieve together in that moment. It can be something simple like going to a place his brother liked, buying his brothers favorite drink/food, planting a tree/flower/plant in his honor in your/his/the family's backyard. See if that helps a little bit.

Oh trust me, I've tried. He won't even let me come over. He shuts me out completely.

He is not the one for you and you are not the one for him dear.. otherwise he would seek you out in times like these. I'd tell him that he can come to you if he feels like he needs someone to talk/listen and that you give him space. In the mean time you can suggest a break from the relationship - in the end it will result in a break up sooner or later anyways. You are absolutely right about your feelings!

Not true. Men don't console themselves by seeking social support. For them it is a solitary pursuit.

Yes true, but they won't shut out the one they love for so long. She already said that they barely speak nor see eachother, he's not in love with her. Otherwise she wouldnt feel like a single. He might love her thought but truly being in love looks different even in hard times!

""The masculine side of healing is not as accepted a mode of healing as the more traditional verbal and emotional expressions. It tends to be quieter and less visible, less connected with the past and more with the future, [and] less connected with passivity and more aligned with action. As a consequence, I have noticed repeatedly that people who use a predominance of this masculine side of healing are suspected even by mental health professionals of 'not really healing.'"

"Unquestionably, many men have inherited the messages described by Stillion—the powerful loner guarding emotion behind a wall of strength, unwilling to be vulnerable, uncomfortable asking for support. But this response may be reflexive and potentially self-protective when one is feeling unsafe or overwhelmed. When the value of such responses are affirmed and the boundaries they set respected, and when the language of action, silent gestures, personal codes of honor, are decoded and affirmed, men often become more forthcoming about things which they had been struggling to carry alone.

If we mistakenly view a surface style as indicative of an unwillingness to connect or process on a deeper level, or if we discount this style as invalid, insisting that those for whom it is helpful are not doing the work of bereavement, we will miss opportunities to go beneath the surface and offer support. If we accept and respect what may be a masculine or instrumental style of healing, we can avoid the trap of stereotyped expectations and build trust by not dismissing these strategies or attempting to force ourselves beyond one's defenses."

http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/exc_0816.shtml

you are judging that his way of grieving is not correct.

to abandon him at this time would be mistake imo. it not only ends what she found to be a very loving relationship before this but also stunts (or really stops) the growth of the relationship. you don't give up when things get hard. that's the point - you hunker down, show some kindness and understanding and prove your worth as a partner.

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Posted by AquaNextDoor

Posted by jeane

Posted by AquaNextDoor

Posted by jeane

Posted by AquaNextDoor

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus
Impulsv is right, it's only been 3 months and grief isn't something most people can just brush off. Give him sometime, if you're worried that he's growing distant then contact/talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to help him.

I know. I have to keep telling myself that and I have to get myself to think rational. I just get so impatient. I'm grieving too... his brother was actually a really good friend of mine, so it's hard for me also. His way of grieving is by becoming extremely distant. My way of grieving is wanting to be close to him. So it's just hard, and I'm so scared that this is gonna tear us apart. Maybe I'm just being too emotional today because I keep thinking of his brother. It's been a tough week

Talk to him about it, maybe do something to honor his brother and grieve together in that moment. It can be something simple like going to a place his brother liked, buying his brothers favorite drink/food, planting a tree/flower/plant in his honor in your/his/the family's backyard. See if that helps a little bit.

Oh trust me, I've tried. He won't even let me come over. He shuts me out completely.

He is not the one for you and you are not the one for him dear.. otherwise he would seek you out in times like these. I'd tell him that he can come to you if he feels like he needs someone to talk/listen and that you give him space. In the mean time you can suggest a break from the relationship - in the end it will result in a break up sooner or later anyways. You are absolutely right about your feelings!

Not true. Men don't console themselves by seeking social support. For them it is a solitary pursuit.

Yes true, but they won't shut out the one they love for so long. She already said that they barely speak nor see eachother, he's not in love with her. Otherwise she wouldnt feel like a single. He might love her thought but truly being in love looks different even in hard times!

""The masculine side of healing is not as accepted a mode of healing as the more traditional verbal and emotional expressions. It tends to be quieter and less visible, less connected with the past and more with the future, [and] less connected with passivity and more aligned with action. As a consequence, I have noticed repeatedly that people who use a predominance of this masculine side of healing are suspected even by mental health professionals of 'not really healing.'"

"Unquestionably, many men have inherited the messages described by Stillion—the powerful loner guarding emotion behind a wall of strength, unwilling to be vulnerable, uncomfortable asking for support. But this response may be reflexive and potentially self-protective when one is feeling unsafe or overwhelmed. When the value of such responses are affirmed and the boundaries they set respected, and when the language of action, silent gestures, personal codes of honor, are decoded and affirmed, men often become more forthcoming about things which they had been struggling to carry alone.

If we mistakenly view a surface style as indicative of an unwillingness to connect or process on a deeper level, or if we discount this style as invalid, insisting that those for whom it is helpful are not doing the work of bereavement, we will miss opportunities to go beneath the surface and offer support. If we accept and respect what may be a masculine or instrumental style of healing, we can avoid the trap of stereotyped expectations and build trust by not dismissing these strategies or attempting to force ourselves beyond one's defenses."

http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/exc_0816.shtml

you are judging that his way of grieving is not correct.

to abandon him at this time would be mistake imo. it not only ends what she found to be a very loving relationship before this but also stunts (or really stops) the growth of the relationship. you don't give up when things get hard. that's the point - you hunker down, show some kindness and understanding and prove your worth as a partner.

Jesus you truly believe you are a professor huh ? Its not abondoning him because he already does it to her! I only suggested a break from the romantic relationship that doesnt even properly exist by now (as she stated herself feeling single) Its totally fine what he does as he needs to do whats right for him, but that doesnt include her obviously and OP sees that and questions if its worth to keep in a romantic sense. Thats why I suggest to keep it as friends for now and be there IF he needs her. But I dont believe that this will end in a loving and LASTING relationship in the long run.

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Posted by AquaNextDoor
People like you who analyze the shit out of things like this are the reason why many many women hold on to things that are not that hard to recognize for what they truely are. "Its not that kind of relationship you need/want" no offense jeane but really... its not thaaaat complicated. He shuts her out, doesnt live the relationship any longer and focusses on himself. Which is his own right to do - but he's not in love with her nor does he consider her as a permanent part of his life and she feels/knows it somehow.

If its her choice to take a step back from the relationship thing then its her right to do so without feeling guilty! If she sticks around then its her choice and right to do so

Posted by LittleFairy

Posted by csdude55
I don't know, the friend here could go either way. She was obviously pretty close to your boyfriend, so it could be:

1. She's trying to move in on him and wants you out of the way;

2. She's unhappy and wants to see you unhappy; or

3. She may have knowledge of something you don't know.

Were I in your shoes, I would ask her, point blank: "you mentioned a few days ago that you thought [he] might be getting comfort from someone else. Are you trying to say that you know something?"

Give her a chance to tell you anything she knows. And if she's just talking out of her butt (do people still say that?) then it might be time to consider that a toxic friendship and demote her to acquaintance. It sounds like you've dumped her before, and I'm sure there's a reason why.

I think you are in the wrong thread. 🙂

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Posted by csdude55
I don't know, the friend here could go either way. She was obviously pretty close to your boyfriend, so it could be:

1. She's trying to move in on him and wants you out of the way;

2. She's unhappy and wants to see you unhappy; or

3. She may have knowledge of something you don't know.

Were I in your shoes, I would ask her, point blank: "you mentioned a few days ago that you thought [he] might be getting comfort from someone else. Are you trying to say that you know something?"

Give her a chance to tell you anything she knows. And if she's just talking out of her butt (do people still say that?) then it might be time to consider that a toxic friendship and demote her to acquaintance. It sounds like you've dumped her before, and I'm sure there's a reason why.

Posted by jeane

Posted by AquaNextDoor

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus
Impulsv is right, it's only been 3 months and grief isn't something most people can just brush off. Give him sometime, if you're worried that he's growing distant then contact/talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to help him.

I know. I have to keep telling myself that and I have to get myself to think rational. I just get so impatient. I'm grieving too... his brother was actually a really good friend of mine, so it's hard for me also. His way of grieving is by becoming extremely distant. My way of grieving is wanting to be close to him. So it's just hard, and I'm so scared that this is gonna tear us apart. Maybe I'm just being too emotional today because I keep thinking of his brother. It's been a tough week

Talk to him about it, maybe do something to honor his brother and grieve together in that moment. It can be something simple like going to a place his brother liked, buying his brothers favorite drink/food, planting a tree/flower/plant in his honor in your/his/the family's backyard. See if that helps a little bit.

Oh trust me, I've tried. He won't even let me come over. He shuts me out completely.

He is not the one for you and you are not the one for him dear.. otherwise he would seek you out in times like these. I'd tell him that he can come to you if he feels like he needs someone to talk/listen and that you give him space. In the mean time you can suggest a break from the relationship - in the end it will result in a break up sooner or later anyways. You are absolutely right about your feelings!

Not true. Men don't console themselves by seeking social support. For them it is a solitary pursuit.

click to expand

Posted by Aries_Luminary
She's not his ex. They didn't break up. He passed away. And she might me bitter on the inside and it's spilling out with that comment. Sometimes when ppl are hurting they say things and they don't even know why they said it but it's the pain talking. She's grieving too.

Maybe it's time to sit him down and have a real conversation with him about what he wants. Do it from a perspective of "what's best for him". Death of a sibling while young and being in a relationship is hard. Ask what he wants and what he feels is best for him. And respect what he decides

Posted by jeane

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Impulsv
I mean im even mad for you

With freinds like that who needs enemies!

Fuck the man lost his brother

N they telling u he's cheating

Obvious who's more fucked up

Yeah. The main friend who tells me all this is his brothers girlfriend (well, ex girlfriend now). The only reason why I haven't dropped her is because the last thing I promised him before he died was for me to be friends with her again...

I tell her that I miss him and that he's so depressed that he pushes me away, and her response "Well I hope he's not finding comfort from someone else" ? Ugh.

People have to earn their way into hearing private thoughts. She hasn't earned it. Stop putting yourself in a position where she can hurt you by not giving her access.

You can be friends but know the friends that you can trust with your current delicate feelings.

It not a matter of not listening to it. Its a matter of not giving her the opportunity to say it in the first place.

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Posted by ManInTheMoon

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by csdude55
I know the feeling, I had to vent yesterday myself. It helped me to not vent at the person I really wanted to yell at, so I totally get it.

I was worried that my reply to you was too mean, but you did hit a little bit of a sore spot for me. You just have to remember that he's in some incredible pain, and probably doesn't know how to process it. He needs for you to be there, even if he's pushing you away.

This type of period is a make-or-break for a relationship, believe me. So if you don't think you really love him, then now's the time to leave, for real.

It helps a lot. I was about to write him this long mean text because I'm extra moody today, and I stopped myself and decided to write on here, and I'm glad I did.

I honestly like really blunt responses like that. You just slapped the emotional bullshit out of my head lol. You're completely right. I feel so horrible for him. I wish I could just take the pain away. And I of course just wish my friend was here 😢 I still can't fully process his death. I don't feel like it's real still....

I do love him, and want to be there for him. I think what really fucks with me are my friends/peers putting ideas in my head... my friends see his pushing me away as him cheating on me or doing something bad behind my back. What they don't realize is that I have severe anxiety. So when they tell me that shit the idea just grows in my head, and I get really emotional and no insecure about the thoughts. I of course try not to listen, but then again my anxiety has different plans for me.

Sorry, I'm venting to you now haha

Your friends aren't friends. They're a bunch of cuntwaffles disguised as your friends. Set some boundaries right now or tell them to fuck off.

Also



Patience.

Life doesn't happen fast enough ,

But it will happen sure enough.

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Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by jeane

Posted by AquaNextDoor

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by Catullus
Impulsv is right, it's only been 3 months and grief isn't something most people can just brush off. Give him sometime, if you're worried that he's growing distant then contact/talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to help him.

I know. I have to keep telling myself that and I have to get myself to think rational. I just get so impatient. I'm grieving too... his brother was actually a really good friend of mine, so it's hard for me also. His way of grieving is by becoming extremely distant. My way of grieving is wanting to be close to him. So it's just hard, and I'm so scared that this is gonna tear us apart. Maybe I'm just being too emotional today because I keep thinking of his brother. It's been a tough week

Talk to him about it, maybe do something to honor his brother and grieve together in that moment. It can be something simple like going to a place his brother liked, buying his brothers favorite drink/food, planting a tree/flower/plant in his honor in your/his/the family's backyard. See if that helps a little bit.

Oh trust me, I've tried. He won't even let me come over. He shuts me out completely.

He is not the one for you and you are not the one for him dear.. otherwise he would seek you out in times like these. I'd tell him that he can come to you if he feels like he needs someone to talk/listen and that you give him space. In the mean time you can suggest a break from the relationship - in the end it will result in a break up sooner or later anyways. You are absolutely right about your feelings!

Not true. Men don't console themselves by seeking social support. For them it is a solitary pursuit.

Agreed. He ALWAYS acts this way when he's stressed/depressed. This time he's just not coming out of it, and I'm afraid he's going to get permanently stuck 😢 but like everyone said, it's only been 3 months. I just need to have patience

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I've always kind of thought she has a thing for me bf. She hates him way too much, and puts too much energy into OUR relationship.

She admitted she hates seeing us together especially now because her boyfriend died.

The reason why I stopped talking to her was because she lied to me and said his ex was at his house, in his room. I went off on him because of it. Turns out, she was talking about me being in his room. She didn't know I was there, so she just assumed that it was his ex and was so confident when she said she was there. I had to just shut her out after that. Then she gets mad at me for confronting my bf lol

Posted by Tauruswithspunk

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus
I don't know what to do anymore... I'm sorry if I sound selfish as fuck. I feel like just giving up on this relationship. I'm not happy. I haven't been for a while. But I feel horrible if I were to break up with him. Long story short for anyone who doesn't know, my boyfriends brother died almost 3 months ago, and times have just been really tough. I don't wanna give up on him, but I feel like my needs are never being met. I barely see him anymore. We barely speak. I feel like I'm single. I miss him and the way things were. I just feel like it'll never be the same anymore. He obviously will never be the same. I'm just really torn right now. Maybe I'm just too needy and paranoid. I don't know. I feel shitty for even thinking this. Sorry just venting here because I don't feel like telling my friends

This is the time when relationship stand the test of time... if you've ever lost anyone, and for me it was my mother... it took my 3 years (about a month ago) to finally feel like myself again... grief is not easy and he will not just get over it and maybe not in a year but it gets better as time goes on... unfortunately we can't expect people to wait for us... if you approach him about it it may push him away because while grieving in our minds it's like "no one cares" we don't see that we are being neglectful... also I separated from my husband around that time too because he couldn't understand I needed time and space. Try to understand and try to relay your feelings in a way that he can understand all while relaying you'll give him time but you need him too. Good luck and I'm so sorry you going through this.

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Posted by csdude55

I've always kind of thought she has a thing for me bf. She hates him way too much, and puts too much energy into OUR relationship.

She admitted she hates seeing us together especially now because her boyfriend died.

The reason why I stopped talking to her was because she lied to me and said his ex was at his house, in his room. I went off on him because of it. Turns out, she was talking about me being in his room. She didn't know I was there, so she just assumed that it was his ex and was so confident when she said she was there. I had to just shut her out after that. Then she gets mad at me for confronting my bf lol

Yeah, this girl is definitely trying to break you up. It has nothing to do with his brother passing, she has a history of it.

Are you 100% sure she's not in love with you, though? All signs point that way: she's getting close to you, hates him, is trying to make you hate him while she's there for you...

Regardless, the obvious advice here is to ignore anything she says, this is a toxic friendship.

As for your boyfriend, a lot of guys feel undue social pressure to keep their emotions inside. We're never allowed to cry, especially not in front of our girlfriend! You're never supposed to see us weak. So keep that in mind... in addition to the depression and stress, he really might just not know how to grieve so he's bottling it all up inside. And he might not feel comfortable grieving with you because of that ridiculous social pressure.

You've already asked him upfront, and he said he still wants to be with you. So I don't think he's checked out of the relationship. If you still love him, then my advice would be to just hold on and be there for him when he's ready for you.

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LOL you know it's funny you mention that, because I actually kind of thought this before... she's an extremely clingy friend. She'll ask where I'm at, what I'm doing. She get so jealous when I hang out with my other friends, and she seems to hate or have nothing but bad things to say about my friends. She always wants to cuddle up with me (I'm NOT affectionate, and I don't like being touched unless it's by my bf). She's like a clingy girlfriend ?

Anyway, I tried to be her friend for my boyfriends bro, but I definitely can't be around someone who's so negative all the time.

Ahh I see. That does make a lot of sense. Especially because he grew up in a house full of men. The only woman in the household was his mom. 6 men and one woman. He does have a hard time showing emotion. And when he would cry in front of me when we first found out about his bro, I would hug him, but he kind of would imply that I stop. Maybe he was embarrassed?

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