a virgo girl with major issues. if you have the time to listen to my story,knock some sense into me

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by coldwateryvirgo on Friday, March 24, 2017 and has 54 replies.
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holy fuck !!!!!!

You blabbered on for 3 whole wot, just to say that you're hurt that the man you love doesn't love you back.

Buy a diary.
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Posted by P-Angel

holy fuck !!!!!!

You blabbered on for 3 whole wot, just to say that you're hurt that the man you love doesn't love you back.

Buy a diary.


- I appreciate you taking the time to read and answer, or skim . it's nice to know at least one person sort of read it. I tried keeping diary but it doesn't work . My head itself is a diary of it own


-I don't get it though, looking through your other response you don't really focus on giving advice and enjoy arguing with other people (even though it might genuinely be your opinion ) and being down right rude to them. Why do you spend your time on such forum? Why do you spend so much time on here knowing that a large percentage are individuals who really know the answer to their own question but are on the forum for the sake of letting it out and hearing what other people might have to say.

thank you tho, my first response. You might just be my only response lol

One simple question then. In you feeling , since you sorta read it, this whole thing is completely one-sided ?
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I didn't skim or sort of ... I read the whole fucking thing, word for word

If you actually expect people to comment then you have to summarize in 6 sentences or less.
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Posted by coldwateryvirgo

a large percentage are individuals who really know the answer to their own question but are on the forum for the sake of letting it out and hearing what other people might have to say.



again ... buy a diary. Nobody really wants to listen to you dribble on with your sappy feelings for over 5,000 characters.

If you already know the answers then what the fuck are you doing here trying to waste other people's time?


So, you already know you've been a doormat, waiting on this guy for over 3 years to throw you bone and then when he finally does .. you run to fuck him ... and now you're whimpering because he doesn't take your seriously in the love department?

You already know how insufferable it was of you to try and make him feel guilty for not carrying your emotional baggage that you've laid heavily on him 3 times in an attempt to get your desperation satisfied?

You already know that you seriously stepped over the boundaries of fucking your ex's best friend?

You already know all the pathetic shit you've posted here .. but, you don't care that you've smeared this shit all over the readers?

What exactly is it you want people to say to you? You want them to congratulate you for clinging to a man who tossed you aside 3 years ago, when he got finished using you?

You want people to be awe of how wonderful you are for enduring what you did in the name of love?

You actually think people are going to come in here and tell you to keep sucking his dick at his beck and call?

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Posted by coldwateryvirgo


One simple question then. ...... this whole thing is completely one-sided ?





seriously?


This guy strings you along for 3 years, ONLY calling you late at night to get laid ... and you actually ask that question?



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Posted by coldwateryvirgo
i don't care that he will never love me.... i just can't accept that all this love and all this time we shared , he is someone who doesn't care about me at all. His action said he don't care about me at all but i feel it to my core he does.

Boy , sorry to everyone and thank you if you took the time to read this
That's a contradiction ^^^

What you need to understand is that emotions aren't black and white. He can care for you as a friend, as a piece of ass that was always there for him no matter how much he walked all over you. But caring does not = love. Love does not = relationship/marriage.

If you wanted those things from him you should've made that known. And if he couldn't give you them you should've walked.
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It was doomed the moment you insulted the size of his dick and he insulted your body. Like. Why.

Why be with someone who only values you for your pussy? You could've been selling pussy all these years and paid for that engineering degree.
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And what the hell is up with you keep calling him a kid?

.
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You don't want to be with a professional athlete anyways. They are all cheaters with baby mamas in ever state. Too much temptation.
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Posted by LadyNeptune
It was doomed the moment you insulted the size of his dick and he insulted your body. Like. Why.

Why be with someone who only values you for your pussy? You could've been selling pussy all these years and paid for that engineering degree.


I couldn't believe my eyes when I read that.

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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by LadyNeptune
It was doomed the moment you insulted the size of his dick and he insulted your body. Like. Why.

Why be with someone who only values you for your pussy? You could've been selling pussy all these years and paid for that engineering degree.


I couldn't believe my eyes when I read that.

click to expand
And she literally wrote, 'it was an awesome relationship' right after. Like, what? Pretty much no self awareness with this one.

I was young and dumb once. But I only allowed a guy to treat me like shit for so long. You learn to cut the users from your life. She isn't there yet.
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<"`.
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Posted by coldwateryvirgo

i sent a picture of my tear swollen face

because deep down , i know i really just want to wait for him. that maybe he probably loves me and just not ready for him to realize he loves more than he want to admit to himself..

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At this point op you know what it is. He doesn't value you beyond your ability to get him off, and even then that is suspect as he likes girls with booty. He told you your too thin, right?

You need to get angry. Not at him, but at yourself for settling for scraps.

Life isn't fair. You don't get what you deserve, you get what you demand. Demand more for yourself op....demand more.
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Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
i don't care that he will never love me.... i just can't accept that all this love and all this time we shared , he is someone who doesn't care about me at all. His action said he don't care about me at all but i feel it to my core he does.

Boy , sorry to everyone and thank you if you took the time to read this
That's a contradiction ^^^

What you need to understand is that emotions aren't black and white. He can care for you as a friend, as a piece of ass that was always there for him no matter how much he walked all over you. But caring does not = love. Love does not = relationship/marriage.

If you wanted those things from him you should've made that known. And if he couldn't give you them you should've walked.
click to expand
That is my problem . Over analyzing with me leads to seeing things from every point of view and when that happens you can't make a decision from thinking about it too much .

I am young. There's no doubt about it . I don't see myself with this person , I don't want to be with this person or marry this person . I do however can't stop loving him at the moment. that love doesn't stop knowing he's not good for me. He could be talking to multiple girls for all I know and message me only when they have issues. I don't know what go on in his life which he is why we haven't been intimate in over a year.i don't feel like a doormat because other then for not letting me go, I'm not have sex with him , he doesn't ask me to do anything , he doesn't message me for anything . He just want to know what I'm doing and disappear.

I do believe in unconditional love and that I'm happy to love him without him loving me. It's a sappy story like p angel said . It could be birth control pills that makes it so that I can't help but get emotional and hurt . I don't like not knowing I mean something , be it friend , flings or whatever. I think that's what bothers me, not having an answer. I go on with my life after a week so it's not like it's detrimental to my health like it was years ago .

P angel might be right . I'm not here to be praise for my love but I do want to know if this kind of love is normal . To love someone like this

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Girl... I agree with everything @LadyNeptune said. This dude has been stringing you along and you let him do that, wasting so much time and energy. I don't usually sound harsh in here, but you need to stop romantizing things that hurt and if you use your logical virgo mind, you will realize most of the relationship was creepy. You are just remembering the few good stuff and hanging into it. I am not saying he never had feelings or else, just sometimes it is not enough and it is not what matters. Respect is what matters. You had emotional outbursts in front of him and he did not seem that empathic. I Know it sounds easier to say than to do, but i think you should take the opportunity to reflect on the whole relationship and wonder why you got so dependent of his physical and emotional affection. Is it because you dont love yourself enough ? You have to be independent, be yourself, dont let any softboy waste your Time and energy. Really, before you start dating around again, have the strength to stay lonely and single and stop being afraid of yourself. Is there a pattern among the boys you like ? Do you always get involved in toxic relationships ? Reflect on all that negativity, dont deny it, empower yourself as a woman, dont be naïve. And then, only then may be you Will find love and a healthy relationship. I really wish you the best, you deserve better but only if you decide it, and if you do you Will find it with not a single doubt. I would also suggest you block him and dont look back, if it is hard, just remember the bad stuff and everything he put you through emotionally.

Wish you the best, we all have to go through bad experiences to learn more about ourselves and grow up. But in order to do that, we need to analyze them, reflect on what they reveal about us and try to improve ourselves. And then, when we love ourselves, we are ready to love and be loved.

Cyberhugs
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Posted by LadyNeptune
At this point op you know what it is. He doesn't value you beyond your ability to get him off, and even then that is suspect as he likes girls with booty. He told you your too thin, right?

You need to get angry. Not at him, but at yourself for settling for scraps.

Life isn't fair. You don't get what you deserve, you get what you demand. Demand more for yourself op....demand more.


He asked if he was the biggest . I didn't lie and said I've been with bigger but it was still great with him . I don't think I said anything wrong . And no he didn't say I was thin. He said working out is mostly dieting . If I went to the gym and ate better I would be toned . If anything its the other way around . And also we haven't had sex or gotten him off in a year so , yea , before it was true that I was sleeping with him but many times he also told me to come over without having any sex . We would just lay there and he would just watch his practice video .So I don't understand even though we haven't had sex for the last year , he's still around doing He same things he was doing before . I don't question my ability to get him off that's for sure but I havent gotten him off in a year. So why does he stay around just enough to be around. I don't give him anything other than a response to to his text once in a while and it's fairly vague and short . He doesn't get anything from texting me every few months . He gains nothing and yet he does that. If I'm he's only wanting me for sex or using me then could you clarify why he's around for the past years despite multiple opportunities for him to invite me over and have sex , he doesn't ?
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And STOP idealizing that dude, he is only human, and you can do better than that.
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Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by LadyNeptune
At this point op you know what it is. He doesn't value you beyond your ability to get him off, and even then that is suspect as he likes girls with booty. He told you your too thin, right?

You need to get angry. Not at him, but at yourself for settling for scraps.

Life isn't fair. You don't get what you deserve, you get what you demand. Demand more for yourself op....demand more.


He asked if he was the biggest . I didn't lie and said I've been with bigger but it was still great with him . I don't think I said anything wrong . And no he didn't say I was thin. He said working out is mostly dieting . If I went to the gym and ate better I would be toned . If anything its the other way around . And also we haven't had sex or gotten him off in a year so , yea , before it was true that I was sleeping with him but many times he also told me to come over without having any sex . We would just lay there and he would just watch his practice video .So I don't understand even though we haven't had sex for the last year , he's still around doing He same things he was doing before . I don't question my ability to get him off that's for sure but I havent gotten him off in a year. So why does he stay around just enough to be around. I don't give him anything other than a response to to his text once in a while and it's fairly vague and short . He doesn't get anything from texting me every few months . He gains nothing and yet he does that. If I'm he's only wanting me for sex or using me then could you clarify why he's around for the past years despite multiple opportunities for him to invite me over and have sex , he doesn't ?
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I Know you are trying to convince yourself that there is hope by over analyzing the wrong stuff. Why dont you over analyze the other way round, when he hurt you? I mean, you seem to only look at whatever bright side you want to see and ignore major red flags. That sucks :/

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Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
i don't care that he will never love me.... i just can't accept that all this love and all this time we shared , he is someone who doesn't care about me at all. His action said he don't care about me at all but i feel it to my core he does.

Boy , sorry to everyone and thank you if you took the time to read this
That's a contradiction ^^^

What you need to understand is that emotions aren't black and white. He can care for you as a friend, as a piece of ass that was always there for him no matter how much he walked all over you. But caring does not = love. Love does not = relationship/marriage.

If you wanted those things from him you should've made that known. And if he couldn't give you them you should've walked.
That is my problem . Over analyzing with me leads to seeing things from every point of view and when that happens you can't make a decision from thinking about it too much .

I am young. There's no doubt about it . I don't see myself with this person , I don't want to be with this person or marry this person . I do however can't stop loving him at the moment. that love doesn't stop knowing he's not good for me. He could be talking to multiple girls for all I know and message me only when they have issues. I don't know what go on in his life which he is why we haven't been intimate in over a year.i don't feel like a doormat because other then for not letting me go, I'm not have sex with him , he doesn't ask me to do anything , he doesn't message me for anything . He just want to know what I'm doing and disappear.

I do believe in unconditional love and that I'm happy to love him without him loving me. It's a sappy story like p angel said . It could be birth control pills that makes it so that I can't help but get emotional and hurt . I don't like not knowing I mean something , be it friend , flings or whatever. I think that's what bothers me, not having an answer. I go on with my life after a week so it's not like it's detrimental to my health like it was years ago .

P angel might be right . I'm not here to be praise for my love but I do want to know if this kind of love is normal . To love someone like this

click to expand


I dont think it is healthy to love someone like this, NO love should be unconditional, respect should always be a part of the picture. You hang into him because you need closure, which he never gave. In an ideal world, love would be unconditional, but people might tear your heart out just because you let them. That sucks. I dont know, may be you have attachment/abandon issues ? Only you can Know, just take the Time to think about it.

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Posted by VirgoSquirrel
Girl... I agree with everything @LadyNeptune said. This dude has been stringing you along and you let him do that, wasting so much time and energy. I don't usually sound harsh in here, but you need to stop romantizing things that hurt and if you use your logical virgo mind, you will realize most of the relationship was creepy. You are just remembering the few good stuff and hanging into it. I am not saying he never had feelings or else, just sometimes it is not enough and it is not what matters. Respect is what matters. You had emotional outbursts in front of him and he did not seem that empathic. I Know it sounds easier to say than to do, but i think you should take the opportunity to reflect on the whole relationship and wonder why you got so dependent of his physical and emotional affection. Is it because you dont love yourself enough ? You have to be independent, be yourself, dont let any softboy waste your Time and energy. Really, before you start dating around again, have the strength to stay lonely and single and stop being afraid of yourself. Is there a pattern among the boys you like ? Do you always get involved in toxic relationships ? Reflect on all that negativity, dont deny it, empower yourself as a woman, dont be naïve. And then, only then may be you Will find love and a healthy relationship. I really wish you the best, you deserve better but only if you decide it, and if you do you Will find it with not a single doubt. I would also suggest you block him and dont look back, if it is hard, just remember the bad stuff and everything he put you through emotionally.

Wish you the best, we all have to go through bad experiences to learn more about ourselves and growing up. But in order to do that, we need to analyze them, reflect on what they reveal about us and try to improve ourselves. And then, when we love ourselves, we are ready to love and be loved.

Cyberhugs


Thank you for your comment

, and yes , I did went ahead and block him after the last incident. No, I've had great men in my life but I let them go because I knew they deserved more . I don't need to be another girl who's hung up on someone else while destroying a good person in the process . I am stupid when it comes to love but I really am a logical person . I enjoy being alone and in happy with myself when he doesn't come around . I didn't really have a father figure growing and I guess I always believe that every guy I meet , despite issues and flaws they are all good people. I just hate to think men are selfish an users . That's my biggest down fall . I have Friends and people in my life who always tell me I'm a unique kind of person and these people have been around and never left . So im really not someone with self esteem issue. I'm fairly confident in myself or else I wouldn't be in a major where I'm always competing with men. I do however have a weakness when it comes to wanting to be loved by men.

But thank you so much for your kind words

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Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by LadyNeptune
At this point op you know what it is. He doesn't value you beyond your ability to get him off, and even then that is suspect as he likes girls with booty. He told you your too thin, right?

You need to get angry. Not at him, but at yourself for settling for scraps.

Life isn't fair. You don't get what you deserve, you get what you demand. Demand more for yourself op....demand more.


He asked if he was the biggest . I didn't lie and said I've been with bigger but it was still great with him . I don't think I said anything wrong . And no he didn't say I was thin. He said working out is mostly dieting . If I went to the gym and ate better I would be toned . If anything its the other way around . And also we haven't had sex or gotten him off in a year so , yea , before it was true that I was sleeping with him but many times he also told me to come over without having any sex . We would just lay there and he would just watch his practice video .So I don't understand even though we haven't had sex for the last year , he's still around doing He same things he was doing before . I don't question my ability to get him off that's for sure but I havent gotten him off in a year. So why does he stay around just enough to be around. I don't give him anything other than a response to to his text once in a while and it's fairly vague and short . He doesn't get anything from texting me every few months . He gains nothing and yet he does that. If I'm he's only wanting me for sex or using me then could you clarify why he's around for the past years despite multiple opportunities for him to invite me over and have sex , he doesn't ?
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He does get something. He gets his ego stroked when you respond. He gets a brief moment of entertainment. He also keeps you on the line for that future fuck, when and if he wants it.
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Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
can someone give me the cliff notes, cause i aint reading all this bs.


Girl like guy

Guy don't like girl

The relationship dragged on for 4 years.

If girl love herself ,girl should let him go.

Girl is not good at doing that because girl can't accept that girl will never ever know what's was so wrong with her that she can't let go and what was wrong with him that this things lasting as long as it did over a 3 month sort of relationship thing they had.

Girl also don't understand how you could even love someone from that short amount of time when you cant possibly know anything about that person at all
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Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by LadyNeptune
At this point op you know what it is. He doesn't value you beyond your ability to get him off, and even then that is suspect as he likes girls with booty. He told you your too thin, right?

You need to get angry. Not at him, but at yourself for settling for scraps.

Life isn't fair. You don't get what you deserve, you get what you demand. Demand more for yourself op....demand more.


He asked if he was the biggest . I didn't lie and said I've been with bigger but it was still great with him . I don't think I said anything wrong . And no he didn't say I was thin. He said working out is mostly dieting . If I went to the gym and ate better I would be toned . If anything its the other way around . And also we haven't had sex or gotten him off in a year so , yea , before it was true that I was sleeping with him but many times he also told me to come over without having any sex . We would just lay there and he would just watch his practice video .So I don't understand even though we haven't had sex for the last year , he's still around doing He same things he was doing before . I don't question my ability to get him off that's for sure but I havent gotten him off in a year. So why does he stay around just enough to be around. I don't give him anything other than a response to to his text once in a while and it's fairly vague and short . He doesn't get anything from texting me every few months . He gains nothing and yet he does that. If I'm he's only wanting me for sex or using me then could you clarify why he's around for the past years despite multiple opportunities for him to invite me over and have sex , he doesn't ?
He does get something. He gets his ego stroked when you respond. He gets a brief moment of entertainment. He also keeps you on the line for that future fuck, when and if he wants it.
click to expand


That makes sense . I guess there are other things he can get out a "Im doing good , hope all is well " response . I didn't consider that it could just be his ego

Hmmm

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Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
i don't care that he will never love me.... i just can't accept that all this love and all this time we shared , he is someone who doesn't care about me at all. His action said he don't care about me at all but i feel it to my core he does.

Boy , sorry to everyone and thank you if you took the time to read this
That's a contradiction ^^^

What you need to understand is that emotions aren't black and white. He can care for you as a friend, as a piece of ass that was always there for him no matter how much he walked all over you. But caring does not = love. Love does not = relationship/marriage.

If you wanted those things from him you should've made that known. And if he couldn't give you them you should've walked.
That is my problem . Over analyzing with me leads to seeing things from every point of view and when that happens you can't make a decision from thinking about it too much .

I am young. There's no doubt about it . I don't see myself with this person , I don't want to be with this person or marry this person . I do however can't stop loving him at the moment. that love doesn't stop knowing he's not good for me. He could be talking to multiple girls for all I know and message me only when they have issues. I don't know what go on in his life which he is why we haven't been intimate in over a year.i don't feel like a doormat because other then for not letting me go, I'm not have sex with him , he doesn't ask me to do anything , he doesn't message me for anything . He just want to know what I'm doing and disappear.

I do believe in unconditional love and that I'm happy to love him without him loving me. It's a sappy story like p angel said . It could be birth control pills that makes it so that I can't help but get emotional and hurt . I don't like not knowing I mean something , be it friend , flings or whatever. I think that's what bothers me, not having an answer. I go on with my life after a week so it's not like it's detrimental to my health like it was years ago .

P angel might be right . I'm not here to be praise for my love but I do want to know if this kind of love is normal . To love someone like this

click to expand
Your not having sex with him makes it almost worse. Because your emotionally invested in someone who literally is giving you nothing!

Your hung up on someone who has moved on with their life and uses you as a distraction every few months when he's bored on the shitter, or stuck in traffic. You are a passing moment to him, he is all consuming to you...dominating your thoughts.

And the sad part is that your giving him this power over you out of a romantic morbid 'star crossed lovers' mentality. It's easier for you to tell yourself that your a martyr in love instead of a fool whose being used.
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Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by VirgoSquirrel
Girl... I agree with everything @LadyNeptune said. This dude has been stringing you along and you let him do that, wasting so much time and energy. I don't usually sound harsh in here, but you need to stop romantizing things that hurt and if you use your logical virgo mind, you will realize most of the relationship was creepy. You are just remembering the few good stuff and hanging into it. I am not saying he never had feelings or else, just sometimes it is not enough and it is not what matters. Respect is what matters. You had emotional outbursts in front of him and he did not seem that empathic. I Know it sounds easier to say than to do, but i think you should take the opportunity to reflect on the whole relationship and wonder why you got so dependent of his physical and emotional affection. Is it because you dont love yourself enough ? You have to be independent, be yourself, dont let any softboy waste your Time and energy. Really, before you start dating around again, have the strength to stay lonely and single and stop being afraid of yourself. Is there a pattern among the boys you like ? Do you always get involved in toxic relationships ? Reflect on all that negativity, dont deny it, empower yourself as a woman, dont be naïve. And then, only then may be you Will find love and a healthy relationship. I really wish you the best, you deserve better but only if you decide it, and if you do you Will find it with not a single doubt. I would also suggest you block him and dont look back, if it is hard, just remember the bad stuff and everything he put you through emotionally.

Wish you the best, we all have to go through bad experiences to learn more about ourselves and growing up. But in order to do that, we need to analyze them, reflect on what they reveal about us and try to improve ourselves. And then, when we love ourselves, we are ready to love and be loved.

Cyberhugs


Thank you for your comment

, and yes , I did went ahead and block him after the last incident. No, I've had great men in my life but I let them go because I knew they deserved more . I don't need to be another girl who's hung up on someone else while destroying a good person in the process . I am stupid when it comes to love but I really am a logical person . I enjoy being alone and in happy with myself when he doesn't come around . I didn't really have a father figure growing and I guess I always believe that every guy I meet , despite issues and flaws they are all good people. I just hate to think men are selfish an users . That's my biggest down fall . I have Friends and people in my life who always tell me I'm a unique kind of person and these people have been around and never left . So im really not someone with self esteem issue. I'm fairly confident in myself or else I wouldn't be in a major where I'm always competing with men. I do however have a weakness when it comes to wanting to be loved by men.

But thank you so much for your kind words

click to expand


You remind me so much of my old self... This was my major issue for years and i am only learning about love now. This weird seduction complex... And being way too naïve to the point to think everyone is kind and thinks like me and all of it is just real because i "feel" it is real. I still believe some of it was real, but it was way too messed up and doomed. Make your uniqueness a strength and dont let people used it against you. Life is messed up, love can be unkind, usually when you throw yourself with a naked sincere soul to men well they might tear you apart, i hate to admit that but its the truth. Most people dont deserve that level of authenticity, it is what it is. Dont lose that bare soul side if yours, just be careful to wrap it around layers of protection, it is way too precious to go to waste. You seem like an all or nothing person, go easy with the all, i learned it the rough way... Unfortunately in the world we live in, throwing yourself at others is dangerous and may lead you insane.

Thats funny you mention competing with men because i am a software engineer and all my coworkers are men haha.

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Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
i don't care that he will never love me.... i just can't accept that all this love and all this time we shared , he is someone who doesn't care about me at all. His action said he don't care about me at all but i feel it to my core he does.

Boy , sorry to everyone and thank you if you took the time to read this
That's a contradiction ^^^

What you need to understand is that emotions aren't black and white. He can care for you as a friend, as a piece of ass that was always there for him no matter how much he walked all over you. But caring does not = love. Love does not = relationship/marriage.

If you wanted those things from him you should've made that known. And if he couldn't give you them you should've walked.
That is my problem . Over analyzing with me leads to seeing things from every point of view and when that happens you can't make a decision from thinking about it too much .

I am young. There's no doubt about it . I don't see myself with this person , I don't want to be with this person or marry this person . I do however can't stop loving him at the moment. that love doesn't stop knowing he's not good for me. He could be talking to multiple girls for all I know and message me only when they have issues. I don't know what go on in his life which he is why we haven't been intimate in over a year.i don't feel like a doormat because other then for not letting me go, I'm not have sex with him , he doesn't ask me to do anything , he doesn't message me for anything . He just want to know what I'm doing and disappear.

I do believe in unconditional love and that I'm happy to love him without him loving me. It's a sappy story like p angel said . It could be birth control pills that makes it so that I can't help but get emotional and hurt . I don't like not knowing I mean something , be it friend , flings or whatever. I think that's what bothers me, not having an answer. I go on with my life after a week so it's not like it's detrimental to my health like it was years ago .

P angel might be right . I'm not here to be praise for my love but I do want to know if this kind of love is normal . To love someone like this

Your not having sex with him makes it almost worse. Because your emotionally invested in someone who literally is giving you nothing!

Your hung up on someone who has moved on with their life and uses you as a distraction every few months when he's bored on the shitter, or stuck in traffic. You are a passing moment to him, he is all consuming to you...dominating your thoughts.

And the sad part is that your giving him this power over you out of a romantic morbid 'star crossed lovers' mentality. It's easier for you to tell yourself that your a martyr in love instead of a fool whose being used.
click to expand


This answer is everything.

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Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by LadyNeptune
At this point op you know what it is. He doesn't value you beyond your ability to get him off, and even then that is suspect as he likes girls with booty. He told you your too thin, right?

You need to get angry. Not at him, but at yourself for settling for scraps.

Life isn't fair. You don't get what you deserve, you get what you demand. Demand more for yourself op....demand more.


He asked if he was the biggest . I didn't lie and said I've been with bigger but it was still great with him . I don't think I said anything wrong . And no he didn't say I was thin. He said working out is mostly dieting . If I went to the gym and ate better I would be toned . If anything its the other way around . And also we haven't had sex or gotten him off in a year so , yea , before it was true that I was sleeping with him but many times he also told me to come over without having any sex . We would just lay there and he would just watch his practice video .So I don't understand even though we haven't had sex for the last year , he's still around doing He same things he was doing before . I don't question my ability to get him off that's for sure but I havent gotten him off in a year. So why does he stay around just enough to be around. I don't give him anything other than a response to to his text once in a while and it's fairly vague and short . He doesn't get anything from texting me every few months . He gains nothing and yet he does that. If I'm he's only wanting me for sex or using me then could you clarify why he's around for the past years despite multiple opportunities for him to invite me over and have sex , he doesn't ?
He does get something. He gets his ego stroked when you respond. He gets a brief moment of entertainment. He also keeps you on the line for that future fuck, when and if he wants it.


That makes sense . I guess there are other things he can get out a "Im doing good , hope all is well " response . I didn't consider that it could just be his ego

Hmmm

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Figuring out exactly what he gets out of your exchanges doesn't change the fact that your not getting what you need. It's all just schematics.

You throw yourself into the mystery of trying to understand his motivations because it's easier than facing the truth of your own. It's a distraction that's doing more harm than good.
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Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
can someone give me the cliff notes, cause i aint reading all this bs.


Girl like guy

Guy don't like girl

The relationship dragged on for 4 years.

If girl love herself ,girl should let him go.

Girl is not good at doing that because girl can't accept that girl will never ever know what's was so wrong with her that she can't let go and what was wrong with him that this things lasting as long as it did over a 3 month sort of relationship thing they had.

Girl also don't understand how you could even love someone from that short amount of time when you cant possibly know anything about that person at all
how is there a relationship if guy don't like girl?


click to expand


There was a relationship a long time ago .There isn't now ,

Cancer guy didn't reciprocate feeling so Virgo girl walks . But she didnt really walk emotionally . She still stupidly love him. He keep in contact just enough to make her stay attach .

After she walk away . The contact went in this order

First year after she "walked away"- he would message her and tell her he miss her on and off every few week

2nd year - for two months during this year , other than on and off contact thought they year for that 2 months we were have sex with each each other . Girl realize she couldn't pretty she didn't still love him so she walked again

3rd year after the initial ending things up to the presence - no longer have sex , he still message girl every two months or so , "how you doing" etc . And when girl response , the conversation always cut short . So sometime girl doesn't respond .

For the last two years girl never initiated contact . No intimacy (sex, kiss , hug ) occurred . Yet he still consistently contact girl every 2 months or so . Sometime girl reply sometime she doesn't but you can count on cancer guy to contact again like clockwork
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The main problem here isn't that you fell in love with someone who doesn't love you back. We've all been there. It's part of being human... Thing is you learn and grow from these mistakes. And along the way you discover what you truly want and need.

The problem is your stuck in this cycle of one 'almost' relationship and there's no personal growth.
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Posted by breterpan
same birthday. Sept 16th!
hiya smile
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Posted by VirgoSquirrel
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by VirgoSquirrel
Girl... I agree with everything @LadyNeptune said. This dude has been stringing you along and you let him do that, wasting so much time and energy. I don't usually sound harsh in here, but you need to stop romantizing things that hurt and if you use your logical virgo mind, you will realize most of the relationship was creepy. You are just remembering the few good stuff and hanging into it. I am not saying he never had feelings or else, just sometimes it is not enough and it is not what matters. Respect is what matters. You had emotional outbursts in front of him and he did not seem that empathic. I Know it sounds easier to say than to do, but i think you should take the opportunity to reflect on the whole relationship and wonder why you got so dependent of his physical and emotional affection. Is it because you dont love yourself enough ? You have to be independent, be yourself, dont let any softboy waste your Time and energy. Really, before you start dating around again, have the strength to stay lonely and single and stop being afraid of yourself. Is there a pattern among the boys you like ? Do you always get involved in toxic relationships ? Reflect on all that negativity, dont deny it, empower yourself as a woman, dont be naïve. And then, only then may be you Will find love and a healthy relationship. I really wish you the best, you deserve better but only if you decide it, and if you do you Will find it with not a single doubt. I would also suggest you block him and dont look back, if it is hard, just remember the bad stuff and everything he put you through emotionally.

Wish you the best, we all have to go through bad experiences to learn more about ourselves and growing up. But in order to do that, we need to analyze them, reflect on what they reveal about us and try to improve ourselves. And then, when we love ourselves, we are ready to love and be loved.

Cyberhugs


Thank you for your comment

, and yes , I did went ahead and block him after the last incident. No, I've had great men in my life but I let them go because I knew they deserved more . I don't need to be another girl who's hung up on someone else while destroying a good person in the process . I am stupid when it comes to love but I really am a logical person . I enjoy being alone and in happy with myself when he doesn't come around . I didn't really have a father figure growing and I guess I always believe that every guy I meet , despite issues and flaws they are all good people. I just hate to think men are selfish an users . That's my biggest down fall . I have Friends and people in my life who always tell me I'm a unique kind of person and these people have been around and never left . So im really not someone with self esteem issue. I'm fairly confident in myself or else I wouldn't be in a major where I'm always competing with men. I do however have a weakness when it comes to wanting to be loved by men.

But thank you so much for your kind words



You remind me so much of my old self... This was my major issue for years and i am only learning about love now. This weird seduction complex... And being way too naïve to the point to think everyone is kind and thinks like me and all of it is just real because i "feel" it is real. I still believe some of it was real, but it was way too messed up and doomed. Make your uniqueness a strength and dont let people used it against you. Life is messed up, love can be unkind, usually when you throw yourself with a naked sincere soul to men well they might tear you apart, i hate to admit that but its the truth. Most people dont deserve that level of authenticity, it is what it is. Dont lose that bare soul side if yours, just be careful to wrap it around layers of protection, it is way too precious to go to waste. You seem like an all or nothing person, go easy with the all, i learned it the rough way... Unfortunately in the world we live in, throwing yourself at others is dangerous and may lead you insane.

Thats funny you mention competing with men because i am a software engineer and all my coworkers are men haha.

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So true, I am an all or nothing kind of person. If I'm neutral than that's in the nothing range lol.

I guess i just need to find a place where I'm able to maintain my bare soul but also protect it just enough
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Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
can someone give me the cliff notes, cause i aint reading all this bs.
Wanting someone who doesn't want her. (I actually read the whole thing...after a few drinks)
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Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by VirgoSquirrel
Girl... I agree with everything @LadyNeptune said. This dude has been stringing you along and you let him do that, wasting so much time and energy. I don't usually sound harsh in here, but you need to stop romantizing things that hurt and if you use your logical virgo mind, you will realize most of the relationship was creepy. You are just remembering the few good stuff and hanging into it. I am not saying he never had feelings or else, just sometimes it is not enough and it is not what matters. Respect is what matters. You had emotional outbursts in front of him and he did not seem that empathic. I Know it sounds easier to say than to do, but i think you should take the opportunity to reflect on the whole relationship and wonder why you got so dependent of his physical and emotional affection. Is it because you dont love yourself enough ? You have to be independent, be yourself, dont let any softboy waste your Time and energy. Really, before you start dating around again, have the strength to stay lonely and single and stop being afraid of yourself. Is there a pattern among the boys you like ? Do you always get involved in toxic relationships ? Reflect on all that negativity, dont deny it, empower yourself as a woman, dont be naïve. And then, only then may be you Will find love and a healthy relationship. I really wish you the best, you deserve better but only if you decide it, and if you do you Will find it with not a single doubt. I would also suggest you block him and dont look back, if it is hard, just remember the bad stuff and everything he put you through emotionally.

Wish you the best, we all have to go through bad experiences to learn more about ourselves and growing up. But in order to do that, we need to analyze them, reflect on what they reveal about us and try to improve ourselves. And then, when we love ourselves, we are ready to love and be loved.

Cyberhugs


Thank you for your comment

, and yes , I did went ahead and block him after the last incident. No, I've had great men in my life but I let them go because I knew they deserved more . I don't need to be another girl who's hung up on someone else while destroying a good person in the process . I am stupid when it comes to love but I really am a logical person . I enjoy being alone and in happy with myself when he doesn't come around . I didn't really have a father figure growing and I guess I always believe that every guy I meet , despite issues and flaws they are all good people. I just hate to think men are selfish an users . That's my biggest down fall . I have Friends and people in my life who always tell me I'm a unique kind of person and these people have been around and never left . So im really not someone with self esteem issue. I'm fairly confident in myself or else I wouldn't be in a major where I'm always competing with men. I do however have a weakness when it comes to wanting to be loved by men.

But thank you so much for your kind words

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Hooboy...So after reading through your story and the comments I'm going to be very blunt. The issue is you don't seem to have a proper gauge for how relationships should play out, plain and simple. You are more attracted to the roller coaster of emotions, even when you know the situation isn't logical or healthy. Fortunately you are aware enough to know there is an issue.

No, I've had great men in my life but I let them go because I knew they deserved more . I don't need to be another girl who's hung up on someone else while destroying a good person in the process .

You yourself have admitted that you've let great guys go because you felt they "deserved better". This is indicative of low self esteem. You being on your own is possibly a marker of a healthy self confidence, not a high self esteem. People with high self esteem don't sabotage relationships with great people. People with high self esteem believe they deserve those people in their lives.

I didn't really have a father figure growing and I guess I always believe that every guy I meet , despite issues and flaws they are all good people.

The reason your gauge is off is because you didn't really have an example of how a man should act growing up. Since most dads aren't present in the home nowadays, the role of the father has slowly diminished over time. Unfortunately it doesn't mean that the presence of the father (or father figure) is any less important to the development of a child. Among his many roles, a father is supposed to be an example to his children. To his son he represents the man the boy should aspire to be. To his daughter he represents how a men in her life should act. If a father is not present, the child is left to deduce this for themselves.

You choose to see the good in people, which is nice, albeit naive. You simply never had the template for what a healthy relationship with a man should look like. I say this having witnessed friends who have gone through similar situation (some of them being Virgos themselves).

As a Virgo you are picky in love, wanting to be with that one perfect person who understands you. The problem is, in life, there is no such thing as a perfect person. So you find yourself being skeptical and scrutinizing most people that you meet (hence why you may have discarded those great men in the past). As a Virgo you also have a need to help people, to fix problems. Therefore you may find yourself in somewhat messy situations and relationships as you strive to fix what is broken.

Instead of going for the person who is stable, you gravitate towards the person who is probably a bit clingy and also more effusive with their emotions. You see their constant "need" as a means to bond. Their "consistency" makes you comfortable with them. Their constant pursuit tears down your emotional walls and makes them even more special to you. They are different because they are taking their time. The longer they "need" you, the closer you feel to them. You eventually wind up ignoring your own needs while going against that which you deemed logical in the first place. You do this because you are in love.

You also have an Aquarius moon, which means it takes you a WHILE to warm up in love. You're not wearing your heart on your sleeve and when you finally do choose someone to love it can be extremely hard for you to let go. This is potentially why you have a constant on and off again relationship with this guy. (Seriously ask any Aqua about the love of their life. They'll tell you about the ups and downs they've gone through).

Astrology aside, the reason you are hung up on this guy is because he isn't easily controlled. One moment he is sending you loving texts in a timely manner, the next he is gone. He managed to break through your barriers and hold your attention. You now feel addicted to him because he pressed all of your buttons. All of those great guys in the past didn't strike you in the same way he has. Why? They were probably a bit too stable and more than likely a tad too boring. Another thing to note is that the situation with the Cancer guy was a bit messy (he's best friends with the Virgo you were talking to after all). You knew the situation ahead of time, but allowed it continue. This honestly should have been your first red flag.

So how do you get over crab guy?

First you need to understand what you're attracted to in the first place. What made crab guy attractive to you? You also need to understand what you are looking for in a man as well. As far as you've said already, you've simply been reactive to guys, but not necessarily proactive. Instead of looking for traits in men that should qualify them, you're allowing them to come and go as they please, while also discarding the guys you've admitted are quality people. These needs to stop. You need to be more aware of the people you're keeping in your life.

Second you need to sit down and write out what you're looking for in a guy. Then you need to hold yourself to that criteria. HINT: One of those traits should be "honesty" and "loyalty". If a guy can't be 100% with you, he needs to be disqualified. No more crying and wondering "why". Be aware that just because a guy is paying is consistently attention to you, does not qualify him as a potential lover.

Third you need to work on your self esteem and see yourself as a worthy individual. You are valuable and a high quality person. If someone ghosts on you, it's "Game Over" for them. Stop giving away the goods (intimacy) to a man who is only giving you bits and pieces of his time. You also need to understand that while women are typically looking for an emotional relationship, men are typically looking for a physical one. You've given him what he wants, but not demanded anything for yourself (until it was too late). As a guy, I can totally see that he stopped working for your affection once he had it. Eventually he started using you as support (physical support).

Understand that this guy is not going to give you the love you deserve. The reason why your heart longs for him is BECAUSE he backed away before you were ready. As human beings we always want what we can't have. We value that which we feel we have to work for and discard what comes easy to us. There is nothing more powerful than removing your attention from someone as a result. A person who is nonchalant/indifferent always has the power in the relationship. This is what you're currently facing. The BEST thing you can do is remove your attention from him. Just know there is a chance that by doing this, he'll come running back. Don't fall for him again if this happens. Good luck!
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@chuckcem I just wanna say thank you for taking the time to answer . I'm glad I didn't delete the thread after I blocked him. Your words really help . Not to mention you put it in a way that someone like me( a Virgo) can wrap my head around . I do get the "leave him , it's your fault" but when people talk to me in this way the message is process a bit more calm and logically.

Best
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Posted by coldwateryvirgo
@chuckcem I just wanna say thank you for taking the time to answer . I'm glad I didn't delete the thread after I blocked him. Your words really help . Not to mention you put it in a way that someone like me( a Virgo) can wrap my head around . I do get the "leave him , it's your fault" but when people talk to me in this way the message is process a bit more calm and logically.

Best
Yeah, I think my Virgo moon helps translate a lot. For sure, no worries.
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a lot of good advice in this thread

just want to say that it is definitely true that we human beings want what we can't have, especially when we are not emotionally mature

the intense longing is not real love. it's not real. it's a trick your mind plays on you. once you realize that, there is nothing can kill you lol
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He loves you! He just loves the GTA more Tongue I know I can forget the whole world while i am playing video games!
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Posted by Legend
He loves you! He just loves the GTA more Tongue I know I can forget the whole world while i am playing video games!
Lmao thanks for making me laugh today @legend . Except I think he only loved GTA.
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i finally read the OP novel and geez i don't blame you. this guy is truly a 'cancer'. what a master in leading you on. you need to learn to protect your heart so that one day you can give a pure and beautiful one to a real love who loves you back. no one is responsible but yourself to nurture your heart, always remember that

i love @Chuckcem's 4 paragraphs under 'So how do you get over crab guy?'. incredible insightful advice and so well articulated ???

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you have scorpio rising and venus. you should do some research and learn to protect your vulnerability
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Posted by iCloud9
you have scorpio rising and venus. you should do some research and learn to protect your vulnerability
@icloud9 could you explain about Venus and rising . I don't really know what they mean . Does having them in Scorpio mean I'm more prone to situations like this
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that read gave me a stroke..

What a long ass way to say you were in a semi thing with someone who is not that into you.

done.

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Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by iCloud9
you have scorpio rising and venus. you should do some research and learn to protect your vulnerability
@icloud9 could you explain about Venus and rising . I don't really know what they mean . Does having them in Scorpio mean I'm more prone to situations like this
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Venus in Scorpio

Venus in Scorpio people attract others with their intensity and willingness to commit. They have a strong and concentrated manner which suggests their feelings run deep. Their actions in love tend to promise deep commitment and sexual pleasure, even if they are not telling you this directly. Their appeal lies in their focus on you, and their dedication. Venus in Scorpio seems fearless when it comes to intimacy. Potential lovers get the feeling that Venus in Scorpio will never stray, that they are intensely loyal to the one they love. They possess you, and somehow make it seem attractive to be possessed.

Venus in Scorpio men and women give you their complete attention. These people are very focused on their partners. Depending on your personality, you may find this unnerving or entirely flattering. They have a strong need to control their partner, although this won’t be immediately apparent, and they may not ever admit to this. Their body-and-soul love and commitment can be so intense that it eclipses fun and makes loving them a very heavy experience. Their emotion and intensity may seem overdone to those looking for a more lighthearted relationship. These people take things to extremes, and can be very provocative. Although they want to explore all of your nooks and crannies, they won’t always be forthcoming with their own. When you’ve upset these lovers, you’ll know it. Depending on the moment, Venus in Scorpio will shoot you one of the most piercing glares around, or totally blow up. Whichever style they choose, a slighted Scorpio lover is not a pretty sight. These people can be jealous of all of your attachments, but few will admit it. They’re not afraid of being underhanded in matters of the heart, and they are experts at cutting through all the fluff and seeing you for what you are. Still, you may find their conclusions about you seem skewed and mistrustful.

Pleasing Venus in Scorpio involves demonstrating your complete commitment and loyalty to them. Appreciate their guts when it comes to love and intimacy — they’re proud of their courage in these matters. If you can, and they’re deserving, relinquish some of the control in the relationship. Let them feel they own you, without taking it to extremes. Remember, though, that some Venus in Scorpio lovers can and will take advantage of you on a subtle level, if only to keep you all to themselves. Let them have their secrets and their silences.

My Personal Ad Bio: “I’m emotional and deep. I’ll be very loyal too, forever. I’m looking for commitment. I’ll make you happy in bed.”

Deeply passionate relations are desired with Venus in Scorpio. Superficial flirtations and contacts do not satisfy, as they yearn for “body and soul” contact with someone special–contact that breaks the taboos, that is extreme and intense, and that is unforgettable. This is a highly emotional position for Venus. It is a passionate, sensual, and intense energy. Their relationships are immensely important to them, and they may even feel that relationships consume them. In fact, they tend to want to be consumed by them! Although the basic drive is toward intense closeness, blind faith in their partners is extremely hard. Fears of being too vulnerable or of giving up their own power to others is strong. Scorpio is an “all or nothing” energy, and relationships tend to be somewhat of a rollercoaster ride as a result. Disdain for mediocrity and superficiality can compel them to create crises in order to feel alive and vital.

They can be hard to figure out or to get close to because they can go from one extreme of emotion to the next quite quickly. They sometimes appear very sensitive and yielding, and other times completely closed off, for example.

Their tastes in art, clothing, furnishings, and music tend to be dark, surreal, gothic, passionate. Most of their true character lies beneath the surface, and what they choose to put on display may even be deceptive. Fashion trends mean little to them.

https://cafeastrology.com/natal/venusinsigns.html

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people with scorpio venus often have a hard time with casual relationships. you may think you can handle it but i have seen otherwise. also, your scorpio rising does not help. it can give out a wrong impression. my bff has scorp rising. she looks seductive with an air of bad girl so she always attract the wrong type that made her emotionally unstable for years

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when we don't know ourselves and misrepresent who we are, how can the right ones find us
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@iCloud9 Oh wow, you're right on about people thinking im an Alpha ultra seductive sexual female of sort . People tell me I'm a "freak" and I've never done anything "freaky" in the slightest . When I compare note with other girl they say im pretty normal compared to how other girls think/ do. Yet I can't shake off this idea that people think im this extra sexual confident having male under a leash image girl. As you can tell, that's not the case lmao.

i also did some research because of you https://astrolibrary.org/scorpio-in-love/ this link cut to my core. I didnt know my venus could be exact word to word
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Posted by VirgoSquirrel
Girl... I agree with everything @LadyNeptune said. This dude has been stringing you along and you let him do that, wasting so much time and energy. I don't usually sound harsh in here, but you need to stop romantizing things that hurt and if you use your logical virgo mind, you will realize most of the relationship was creepy. You are just remembering the few good stuff and hanging into it. I am not saying he never had feelings or else, just sometimes it is not enough and it is not what matters. Respect is what matters. You had emotional outbursts in front of him and he did not seem that empathic. I Know it sounds easier to say than to do, but i think you should take the opportunity to reflect on the whole relationship and wonder why you got so dependent of his physical and emotional affection. Is it because you dont love yourself enough ? You have to be independent, be yourself, dont let any softboy waste your Time and energy. Really, before you start dating around again, have the strength to stay lonely and single and stop being afraid of yourself. Is there a pattern among the boys you like ? Do you always get involved in toxic relationships ? Reflect on all that negativity, dont deny it, empower yourself as a woman, dont be naïve. And then, only then may be you Will find love and a healthy relationship. I really wish you the best, you deserve better but only if you decide it, and if you do you Will find it with not a single doubt. I would also suggest you block him and dont look back, if it is hard, just remember the bad stuff and everything he put you through emotionally.

Wish you the best, we all have to go through bad experiences to learn more about ourselves and grow up. But in order to do that, we need to analyze them, reflect on what they reveal about us and try to improve ourselves. And then, when we love ourselves, we are ready to love and be loved.

Cyberhugs
This!
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Posted by VirgoSquirrel
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
Posted by VirgoSquirrel
Girl... I agree with everything @LadyNeptune said. This dude has been stringing you along and you let him do that, wasting so much time and energy. I don't usually sound harsh in here, but you need to stop romantizing things that hurt and if you use your logical virgo mind, you will realize most of the relationship was creepy. You are just remembering the few good stuff and hanging into it. I am not saying he never had feelings or else, just sometimes it is not enough and it is not what matters. Respect is what matters. You had emotional outbursts in front of him and he did not seem that empathic. I Know it sounds easier to say than to do, but i think you should take the opportunity to reflect on the whole relationship and wonder why you got so dependent of his physical and emotional affection. Is it because you dont love yourself enough ? You have to be independent, be yourself, dont let any softboy waste your Time and energy. Really, before you start dating around again, have the strength to stay lonely and single and stop being afraid of yourself. Is there a pattern among the boys you like ? Do you always get involved in toxic relationships ? Reflect on all that negativity, dont deny it, empower yourself as a woman, dont be naïve. And then, only then may be you Will find love and a healthy relationship. I really wish you the best, you deserve better but only if you decide it, and if you do you Will find it with not a single doubt. I would also suggest you block him and dont look back, if it is hard, just remember the bad stuff and everything he put you through emotionally.

Wish you the best, we all have to go through bad experiences to learn more about ourselves and growing up. But in order to do that, we need to analyze them, reflect on what they reveal about us and try to improve ourselves. And then, when we love ourselves, we are ready to love and be loved.

Cyberhugs


Thank you for your comment

, and yes , I did went ahead and block him after the last incident. No, I've had great men in my life but I let them go because I knew they deserved more . I don't need to be another girl who's hung up on someone else while destroying a good person in the process . I am stupid when it comes to love but I really am a logical person . I enjoy being alone and in happy with myself when he doesn't come around . I didn't really have a father figure growing and I guess I always believe that every guy I meet , despite issues and flaws they are all good people. I just hate to think men are selfish an users . That's my biggest down fall . I have Friends and people in my life who always tell me I'm a unique kind of person and these people have been around and never left . So im really not someone with self esteem issue. I'm fairly confident in myself or else I wouldn't be in a major where I'm always competing with men. I do however have a weakness when it comes to wanting to be loved by men.

But thank you so much for your kind words



You remind me so much of my old self... This was my major issue for years and i am only learning about love now. This weird seduction complex... And being way too naïve to the point to think everyone is kind and thinks like me and all of it is just real because i "feel" it is real. I still believe some of it was real, but it was way too messed up and doomed. Make your uniqueness a strength and dont let people used it against you. Life is messed up, love can be unkind, usually when you throw yourself with a naked sincere soul to men well they might tear you apart, i hate to admit that but its the truth. Most people dont deserve that level of authenticity, it is what it is. Dont lose that bare soul side if yours, just be careful to wrap it around layers of protection, it is way too precious to go to waste. You seem like an all or nothing person, go easy with the all, i learned it the rough way... Unfortunately in the world we live in, throwing yourself at others is dangerous and may lead you insane.

Thats funny you mention competing with men because i am a software engineer and all my coworkers are men haha.

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Experiencing DejaVu. *cringing*
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Ok so I didn't read the comment of the others - but I have read YOUR posts and I would like to say thank you for sharing this here .

Astrology concerned or not , we are all humans and we share emotions . I think I can relate to your story a little bit . Correct me if I am wrong :

- you met this guy out of nowhere and not necessarily looking for a relationship

- you guy were hooking up and spending quite some time together talking , chatting etc ...

- however at some point he started to act distant

That's where everything started right ? I can't speak for him because guys usually are not that complicated . However it seemed that he DID care about you and I am sure he appreciated spending time with you. Otherwise we would have stopped texting you or coming back to you every single time . So please don't devaluate yourself on that point . However he seemed that people like him always want back the love they pushed aside . He knew and probably felt you were starting to have feelings for him , and maybe he was not there yet , but he knew you would somehow always be around whenever he would need it .

I think it's the biggest misconception when people think that you need to be in a relationship for a very long period of time to have "true love " or to "love" someone . But is really true love if it hurts that much ? Or has it become more like a "sick attachement "? . Loving him hurts you .What you felt at the beginning ? Was possibly infatuation - excitment , you have to see him or you miss him all the time , being around him makes you feel alive etc ...

But I do believe you when you said that you fell in love with him . I was dating someone from another continent for 5-6 months . Then he moved back to his country . We agreed to not continue this relationship ( it was very intense , loving BUT realistic). We would regularly chat and talk . At first every single day after we both returned to our countries, then less and less and I saw him almost 1 year and a half later - and guess what nothing has changed , I still love him / same thing for him - it's a different type of love for sure . But during that 1 year and a half ; knowing that I could not be with him , when all I ever wanted was him , that boy got under my skin . And moving on , well . I tried EVERYTHING ( that's where I relate) . I deleted him from fb , phone number and every social media . I blocked him . Told him , I was over him etc ... Then unfortunately , few hours later I was back at it , adding him again , talking . I did this so many times that I learned his number by heart ^^. He told me he didn't love me anymore . It broke my heart .

So that was finally what I needed to finally break free so I started to hate him - But then he came back - GIRL , THEY ALWAYS COME BAAAACK - that should be a universal law ^^. So we somehow started talking again. I forgot to mention that we TRULY wanted to be friends - whats important here . Is that HATING HIM wont make you forget him , the more you hate him , the more energy you put in him . And in order to hate someone you need to have feelings . Whether negative or positive . Indifference is the key .

As soon as I have accepted that I loved him and there was nothing wrong with that . That's how the process of moving on started .

I can't tell you a recipe for this to work - I can't say do this and that and you will be over him . What you have been through for all that time , the tears , emotional ( and sometimes phyical) pain caused with heartache , you can't just forget about it , you have invested yourself . But you will be OK . You are in your early twenties , we LEARN . It will take time . However the more you fight against it , the more chance and power you give it to stay .

I still think that cancer liked you and cared about you, but possibly not enough . That does not make you less attractive , smart , funny or kind . The most important thing you need to do in that situation is to LEARN to LOVE YOURSELF . Invest in yourself . I understand that letting go is not easy . But you need to try and repeat to yourself regularly - He does not love me and he moved on . But don't get stuck in a circle of sadness . You WILL find someone else that won't have to make you question whether he likes you or not . But you will miss that if you keep thinking that a person that treats you so terribly is what you deserve . It will all work out in the end Winking

Good luck you can do this !!
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