Confused By Virgo Guy (Continued) ...

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by CapricornGirl24 on Saturday, October 13, 2012 and has 94 replies.
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I asked him not to tell anyone b/c I'm a private person & I don't want others to interfere. Plus, I've been hurt before so I know I don't always show any major interest in him b/c I'm afraid of getting hurt again. But he doesn't remind me of any of the guys befor him & I don't know what to expect, so it makes me afraid. He told me he cared for me too & knows what I mean when I said I'd been hurt & that we'll just take our time & not rush. That made me feel so happy b.c no other guy has ever wanted to be patient with me. Everyone else wanted to rush. But everything went flipped when he lost someone in his life that was important to him. His attitudes began to shift a lot, but I remained calm & didn't get upset b/c I know he was going through a lot. Females came flying out of no where when he lost his loved one & these were girls who never even paid him any mind before. Slowly I felt like I was being pushed away b/c he was enjoying the attention he was getting from them. It began to hurt, so I disappeared for almost a month. Shockingly, he noticed & contacted me. So we started talking again. But there's one specific female that kept appearing on a social network & calling him "baby". So I asked him if he's been spending time with her. He told me "no". So I asked "why does she keep calling you baby & you asked her if she wanted to get a bottle"? He ignored me, but deleted what she had posted. Basically, as time went by he allowed that same girl to get caught up in her so-called "feelings" for him, meanwhile he's still saying he wanted to be with me. I disappeared again & when I came back, he pretty much put her on a pedestal against me like she treated him better than me, but he was only looking for a reaction b/c when I called him out on it , he stopped. We agreed to try again & meet eachother half way later on. But this same girl keeps coming back even after he's told her to stop. I flip out about it & now he's telling me to stop talking to him & I don't know why or where it's coming from, but it hurts me. Why would he push me away all of the sudden ? And if I've left & he had more than enough time & opportunity to be with someone else but didn't, does that mean he does know what he wants???
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I think Virgo boys, men, whatever lol are intimidated by capricorn women. The fact that you just left him, you basically let this other girl come into his life and take over. I know because the same thing happened to me. It really sucks that Virgos take the time to chase after us, but in the relationship they don't try to get to fully know us. It really hurts because you probably want so badly to be with him or to continue what you both started, and it's like you didn't even get a chance with him almost? He didn't give you the benefit of the doubt, and to me, that is so unfair. Honestly, I believe Virgos are confused and they don't know what they want. They don't know how to accept reality and separate it from their fairytale "perfect" life. I think you should just stay back and let him pursue you if he wants you. I don't want you to be hurt and end up resenting him. Virgos are nice guys, just very insecure and confused. They are problems with their internal feelings. Everything that glitters is not gold, but in their case, it is. Does that make sense? It's like that girl was the glitter, as well as every other girl that suddenly popped up in his life. They're victims of themselves basically. I really hoped I helped you somewhat. If you need anything else let me know?smile
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I personally think you should cut this one completely out and disappear for good. Im not sure if he's trying to make you fight for him over her, but whatever the case, its not worth it.
This is not the start of a healthy relationship, so keep that in mind. If you cant start on a good note I dont think there's much hope in finishing on one. Save the energy for someone that really cares about you.
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It's almost like he's trying to decide between the two of you...it's like a game of some sort...and if it's that serious then you really should move on. Real men don't play games and play with people's hearts for the benefit of themselves. He doesn't know what to believe....who to believe...or what to do. It's weird...Virgos are weird and take up too much of someone's time because they're trapped in their own feelings.
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Yeah, he behaves like he's afraid of getting close to me but I don't understand why . And I din't just up & leave for no reason . I was pushed away. He'd get mood swings & act cold out of no where but I hear that's a natural thng for them. Plus he lost a loved & has been through a lot in his life, so I've tried to be patient & understanding. But my pride won't let me accept any kind of disrespect. And no, we didn't really have a chance at a relationship b/c he got caught up in the attention he was receieving. He's definitely insecure. He's allowed another girl to get caught up in her "superficial" feelings, but he's been my only one since we started. And I feel he over analyzes things I say b/c he'll flip out over the smallest things & acts like I'm gonna abandon him for good & acting like he doesn't care. But if he's flipping out, I think he does care whether or not I quit on him. It's almost like he thinks I'm playing some kind of game with him, so he does or says something insignificant like he's trying to stay steps ahaead of me. But I'm not playing any games at all. I think it's based off a previous relationship he was in. I didn't know the girl, but I heard she played a lot of mind games with him. So it's like he's taking it out on me, which is unfair b/c I didn't do it & don't intend to. He's also told me he wants to be with me, but right now he'd rather me do my own thing, explore, have fun, how there's a lot going on in the world that I don't know, and as long as I respect him when we are together we're good. That sounds like a player line to me. If he knows for sure he wants to be with me, why would he say that ? We are very young, but still. If I saw everything I wanted in someone, I'd do all I can too keep them. That's hard to find. I see everything I want in him beyond his flaws. Just talking to him or being in his presence w/o saying a word, I'm comfortable. But I won't tolerate being disrespected. I also heard Virgo guys don't usually go fo the girls that chase them & they're more into girls who would drop them in a second & ignore they're entire existance. Is that true ? If so, would I have anything to worry about ?
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Posted by lnana04
I personally think you should cut this one completely out and disappear for good. Im not sure if he's trying to make you fight for him over her, but whatever the case, its not worth it.
This is not the start of a healthy relationship, so keep that in mind. If you cant start on a good note I dont think there's much hope in finishing on one. Save the energy for someone that really cares about you.


Yeah, I felt like he wanted me to fight for him but I told him I won't compete with anyone for him . Especially loose females. He's told her to stay out his face more than once after I told him I didn't like it. So she's really forcing herself on him regardless. But he's still to blame b/c he let it het this far. I turned guys away for him, so I don't have this problem with anyone & I'm not bringing drama into it. He is.
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Posted by amisunderstoodcap
It's almost like he's trying to decide between the two of you...it's like a game of some sort...and if it's that serious then you really should move on. Real men don't play games and play with people's hearts for the benefit of themselves. He doesn't know what to believe....who to believe...or what to do. It's weird...Virgos are weird and take up too much of someone's time because they're trapped in their own feelings.


That's why I'm keeping my distance now. And I've tried to be patient b/c given the things he's been through I don't think he really trusts anyone, including me. I tried to get him to open up multiple times, but he wouldn't so I just stopped asking. I figured, if somewhere deep inside of him he knew for a fact he could trust me, he'll open up on his own. And he did. It was probably the deepest converstation we had ever had. It's like he stays closed off until he feels safe. If he doesn't feel safe, he doesn't budge. And if he feels he's letting me too close, he'll immediately shut down with no warning at all. I hate that. Clear communication means a lot to me. But at the same time, I don't wanna put too much pressure on him & scare him off.
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Unfortunately this happens with a very insecure man, he'll play these kind of games because he hasn't figured out that he doesn't need this kind of approval to feel good about himself, any time a man's identity of himself is dependent upon women it's never going to make for a great relationship especially if his identity is tied to his penis, the more women the better he feels about himself, now what, he just turns into an asshole that play with women left and right in your face, behind your back because all of that behavior is who he is, doesn't mean he'll remain that way forever but that's were he's at in his life.

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Posted by tiki33
Unfortunately this happens with a very insecure man, he'll play these kind of games because he hasn't figured out that he doesn't need this kind of approval to feel good about himself, any time a man's identity of himself is dependent upon women it's never going to make for a great relationship especially if his identity is tied to his penis, the more women the better he feels about himself, now what, he just turns into an asshole that play with women left and right in your face, behind your back because all of that behavior is who he is, doesn't mean he'll remain that way forever but that's were he's at in his life.




I agree. He hasn't even talked to this girl about real life plans together or anything. He hasn't asked her out on dates ; nothing. That's why I don't understand how she can be so in love with him as she claims to be. I like him a lot & as I friend I've grown to love him, but I won't say I'm in love. The fact that he's pretty much telling me to stay away for a while, should I take it as him just trying to figure things out before proceeding & he's actually protecting me from himself ? B/c he did tell me he isn't ready for a serious relationship & he has too much to deal with to be able to focus on one. Is he trying to better himself, maybe ?
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Posted by CapricornGirl24
Posted by tiki33
Unfortunately this happens with a very insecure man, he'll play these kind of games because he hasn't figured out that he doesn't need this kind of approval to feel good about himself, any time a man's identity of himself is dependent upon women it's never going to make for a great relationship especially if his identity is tied to his penis, the more women the better he feels about himself, now what, he just turns into an asshole that play with women left and right in your face, behind your back because all of that behavior is who he is, doesn't mean he'll remain that way forever but that's were he's at in his life.




I agree. He hasn't even talked to this girl about real life plans together or anything. He hasn't asked her out on dates ; nothing. That's why I don't understand how she can be so in love with him as she claims to be. I like him a lot & as I friend I've grown to love him, but I won't say I'm in love. The fact that he's pretty much telling me to stay away for a while, should I take it as him just trying to figure things out before proceeding & he's actually protecting me from himself ? B/c he did tell me he isn't ready for a serious relationship & he has too much to deal with to be able to focus on one. Is he trying to better himself, maybe ? And if he really doesn't want me, why flip out at the thought of me leaving & act like he doesn't want me too? Like, why would he even care if I did?
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He's not figuring anything out, he's made his choice, he's choosing her and/or anyone like her that will allow him to be Narcissistic e.g. very selfish with himself, time, thoughts, energy etc etc. He already know you have higher standards, a certain level of expectations and you have boundaries and he know you expect him to live up to that and he just doesn't want to do that, he doesn't want you to hurt over his decisions to be selfish.
Whenever a man says I'm not looking for a serious relationship he's pretty much letting you down easy, he's quite comfortable being with the easy woman, the woman that he doesn't have to communicate with about his feelings and he doesn't have to communicate his life plans, he can just BE, be himself whatever that is at the moment without worrying about the hassles of thinking about her & her feelings and needs and wants and having to live up to that, it's TOO MUCH PRESSURE for him to be with someone like you, so he's basically choosing a simple situation over a emotionally draining situation with you and to be clear I'm not putting you down by saying emotionally draining but for him it is draining to be with a woman that is not veering from the traditional relationship standards so he's chosen who and what type of woman he's going to be with, so it's her right now (someone like her) because he doesn't need a time out with her, he doesn't have to put distance between himself and her because she's there to please him and she's not very interested nor concerned with talking about anything deep with him, she sounds quite thirsty to me and desperate but meh that's what he's checking for, someone that doesn't require mental/emotional depth.
You can decide to continue on being in and out of his life in hopes he'll find himself but don't hold your breath for it.
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"And if he really doesn't want me, why flip out at the thought of me leaving & act like he doesn't want me too? Like, why would he even care if I did?"
This is normal commitmentphobic male reaction to LOSS, no man wants to be on the losing end, losing makes a man feel like a loser inside so he'll say stay but he won't necessarily do anything to keep you around outside of stringing you along. Men with commitment issues can't let you go but they don't want you stay, the mixed signals keeps a woman tied into the relationship, she doesn't get that he's never going to make a decision because he can't so you have to choose to stay or go and you can't look to him for the answers, he will never have an answer, one day he'll want you stay and in the next breath he'll say go away for a little while. I mean really which is it? Stay or go? He doesn't know because he's that twisted up on the inside.
So you'll have to be the adult in this and you'll have to make a choice or you can decide to keep riding the bipolar roller coaster ride with him. Your choice, he's not going to ever make a final decision on what you should and shouldn't be doing and rightfully so, you're an adult, leave or stay, you choose.
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"I agree. He hasn't even talked to this girl about real life plans together or anything. He hasn't asked her out on dates ; nothing. That's why I don't understand how she can be so in love with him as she claims to be."
Takes two to tango. She couldn't have possibly fallen this hard for him if he had not done/told her something. He's twisting it around like he's innocent and you are allowing yourself to believe that. That's the whole point, he knows you like him enough to blame the woman rather than blame him. Women's feelings tend to be quite silly... Use your common sense and you'll be able to see through his mind games.
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I agree with tiki33, I believe he has commitment issues and right now he would rather take the easy way out than just go through all that extra-ness with you. I've had my Virgo do the same exact thing. Everytime I felt disrespected by him, I would simply ask him about the issue and if he turned cold toward me or did not talk or just brushed off the situation that would hurt me and I would want to leave him. But he would cry, beg, and plead, and I would just stay with him. But it was always the same thing constantly...the same scenario. It was like he just did it to keep me around, but nothing ever changed from it. He's so twisted up in the mind, he actually has you twisted up as well. Do what your heart tells you to do.
I have a question for you tiki33, my Virgo would make plans to be with me forever and marry me and he would consistently tell me that. But throughout our relationship there were two girls who just came out of nowhere telling me that he told them the same thing as well. One stayed in another state far away from us, and the other claimed to be with him for a year, but I was with him for a year and months and I never seen or heard about her ever! What does this mean? Was he just bs'n with all of us?
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Posted by tiki33
"And if he really doesn't want me, why flip out at the thought of me leaving & act like he doesn't want me too? Like, why would he even care if I did?"
This is normal commitmentphobic male reaction to LOSS, no man wants to be on the losing end, losing makes a man feel like a loser inside so he'll say stay but he won't necessarily do anything to keep you around outside of stringing you along. Men with commitment issues can't let you go but they don't want you stay, the mixed signals keeps a woman tied into the relationship, she doesn't get that he's never going to make a decision because he can't so you have to choose to stay or go and you can't look to him for the answers, he will never have an answer, one day he'll want you stay and in the next breath he'll say go away for a little while. I mean really which is it? Stay or go? He doesn't know because he's that twisted up on the inside.
So you'll have to be the adult in this and you'll have to make a choice or you can decide to keep riding the bipolar roller coaster ride with him. Your choice, he's not going to ever make a final decision on what you should and shouldn't be doing and rightfully so, you're an adult, leave or stay, you choose.



I understand. I'm at the point where I'd rather just go than to suffer through the hot & cold attitude shifts anymore. It's emotionally draining & I'm too young to go through this. I should never have to go through this. I deserve better and I know it. So, as long as he chooses to behave like that I won't be around & I won't wait for him. Iwas taught, in order to be iireplaceable a person has to be different. I know I can find a jerk almost every corner I turn, so if he wants to behave like them, I see no reason to keep him around or for me to stick around. I can't learn anything or grow with someone like that. Regardless of how much I care, I still feel it'd be better to leave.
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Posted by Nebulous_Cloud9
"I agree. He hasn't even talked to this girl about real life plans together or anything. He hasn't asked her out on dates ; nothing. That's why I don't understand how she can be so in love with him as she claims to be."
Takes two to tango. She couldn't have possibly fallen this hard for him if he had not done/told her something. He's twisting it around like he's innocent and you are allowing yourself to believe that. That's the whole point, he knows you like him enough to blame the woman rather than blame him. Women's feelings tend to be quite silly... Use your common sense and you'll be able to see through his mind games.



I'm definitely not taking any blame off him. He knew she wanted more & he's tolerated her for so long, she really believes he wants her. I'm pretty sure she knew about me too & didn't care that I was already there. I've seen girls do the same thing to him in high school & he paid them no mind at all. The girls only kept getting in his face b/c he wasn't telling them to back up. He's told her to stop ever since I told him I won't accept it, but she does in anyway. It's like she's psycho & obsessed. She doesn't even know much about him. She's said herself he doesn't talk to her about any of that or ask/take her out anywhere. Those are words from her mouth, I'm not assuming that. She said it. She claims she's in love with him, but clearly she's just thirsty. How can you complain about a guy not taking you out or talking about making real life plans with you & you fall head over heels for him? She's crazy. But he allowed it to get this far & created a mess that I'd rather not be apart of.
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keep us updated!!!
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The other girl in or out the picture...it doesnt matter, the relationship is doomed as of now. She owes you nothing, nor is her loyalty with you. If a bond is break-able, then it wasnt that strong and thats an issue between you and him. Remove all focus from her because if it wasnt her it would be someone else. She's the least of your concerns, or she should be.
Again, Id say move on, and im saying this from HIS actions not anyone elses.
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Posted by tiki33
He's not figuring anything out, he's made his choice, he's choosing her and/or anyone like her that will allow him to be Narcissistic e.g. very selfish with himself, time, thoughts, energy etc etc. He already know you have higher standards, a certain level of expectations and you have boundaries and he know you expect him to live up to that and he just doesn't want to do that, he doesn't want you to hurt over his decisions to be selfish.
Whenever a man says I'm not looking for a serious relationship he's pretty much letting you down easy, he's quite comfortable being with the easy woman, the woman that he doesn't have to communicate with about his feelings and he doesn't have to communicate his life plans, he can just BE, be himself whatever that is at the moment without worrying about the hassles of thinking about her & her feelings and needs and wants and having to live up to that, it's TOO MUCH PRESSURE for him to be with someone like you, so he's basically choosing a simple situation over a emotionally draining situation with you and to be clear I'm not putting you down by saying emotionally draining but for him it is draining to be with a woman that is not veering from the traditional relationship standards so he's chosen who and what type of woman he's going to be with, so it's her right now (someone like her) because he doesn't need a time out with her, he doesn't have to put distance between himself and her because she's there to please him and she's not very interested nor concerned with talking about anything deep with him, she sounds quite thirsty to me and desperate but meh that's what he's checking for, someone that doesn't require mental/emotional depth.
You can decide to continue on being in and out of his life in hopes he'll find himself but don't hold your breath for it.


totally agree with what you're saying. Only thing is, she complains about not getting that from him. She said herself he doesn't talk to her about anything , they don't hang out, go places or anything. Yet, she chases him & claims she's in love. In my opinion, she's an idiot, desperate & VERY thirsty. And she's a young single mother, so I can't figure how she has time to chase any guy. But other than that, he has talked to me about real life plans & being together & going on dates. Voluntarily. I didn't have to force it.
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Posted by lnana04
The other girl in or out the picture...it doesnt matter, the relationship is doomed as of now. She owes you nothing, nor is her loyalty with you. If a bond is break-able, then it wasnt that strong and thats an issue between you and him. Remove all focus from her because if it wasnt her it would be someone else. She's the least of your concerns, or she should be.
Again, Id say move on, and im saying this from HIS actions not anyone elses.


Our bond wasn't as strong as I'd like b/c we barely got to see eachother. Either way he's selfish b/c when I have time, I'll go to him but he won't do the same for me. He act as if he expects me to initiate everything which I shoudln't have too. But I definitely would rather stay away than put up with his behavior anymore.
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Posted by amisunderstoodcap
keep us updated!!!



Will do !!! smile
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Very selfish! He should always make time with you, but again he chose the easier road as of now. I just say you let it go for now and if he comes back in the future with a better head on his shoulders and you feel it's genuine, then maybe, but for now not at all..And you shouldn't have to initiate everything either! I can relate to all of this...
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And if he's not seeing/hanging with the other girl and yall barely see each other, then where is he?
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Posted by amisunderstoodcap
And if he's not seeing/hanging with the other girl and yall barely see each other, then where is he?


If he's not with his guy friends he's home or working. But the other girl is a roommate of one of his sisters. So, almost whenever he goes to visit his sister, he's in the other girls presence.
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Posted by amisunderstoodcap
Very selfish! He should always make time with you, but again he chose the easier road as of now. I just say you let it go for now and if he comes back in the future with a better head on his shoulders and you feel it's genuine, then maybe, but for now not at all..And you shouldn't have to initiate everything either! I can relate to all of this...


That's what I intend to do, but I'm not waiting for him. I've been BEYOND patient. Not to mention, loyal. The way he's been treating me is unfair. I don't deserve it. He let all the attention from other girls make him full of himself. So much to the point that me being there when nobody else cared & how things he did hurt me, he doesn't even care. He was never like this before. He changed up on me in the blink of an eye.
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"I have a question for you tiki33, my Virgo would make plans to be with me forever and marry me and he would consistently tell me that. But throughout our relationship there were two girls who just came out of nowhere telling me that he told them the same thing as well. One stayed in another state far away from us, and the other claimed to be with him for a year, but I was with him for a year and months and I never seen or heard about her ever! What does this mean? Was he just bs'n with all of us?"
It means what you said, he's bs'n all of you but here's the thing with some men (not all men are jerks, there are good men in the world) I had to say that but the men that are bs'n know that if he's not married he's single, HE'S SINGLE point blank period so he doesn't owe you anything, not even loyalty nor honesty, yeah he'll give a title to appease her but deep down he know if there is no ring on his finger he doesn't owe a woman a damn thing, not loyalty, nothing and then you have some guys who commit to being a woman's boyfriend but doesn't commit to being anything else, there are different levels of commitment therefore he can seriously say I love you, want to marry you and at the same time say those exact same things to other women well it's not ethical but that's not his concern.
If he hasn't promised to be in a long term monogamous exclusive relationship with just you which means yes he has to VERBALLY announce this to you and everyone else then for him he's FREE to do what he wants, is this fair, not really but this is how some men maneuver through life.
But really he's just doing what he wants to do, it's not personal and if he's always winning and never experiencing real loss this behavior will continue, it won't stop until he decides to stop it. A lot of these guys are getting away with a lot because women these days are very much willing to stick around for the crumby half ass behavior so if he's being REWARDED for being a dick by continuing to have the women in his life he wants to have be it consistently or off and on or otherwise then why should he stop doing what's bringing him what he wants.
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Posted by CapricornGirl24
Posted by amisunderstoodcap
Very selfish! He should always make time with you, but again he chose the easier road as of now. I just say you let it go for now and if he comes back in the future with a better head on his shoulders and you feel it's genuine, then maybe, but for now not at all..And you shouldn't have to initiate everything either! I can relate to all of this...


That's what I intend to do, but I'm not waiting for him. I've been BEYOND patient. Not to mention, loyal. The way he's been treating me is unfair. I don't deserve it. He let all the attention from other girls make him full of himself. So much to the point that me being there when nobody else cared & how things he did hurt me, he doesn't even care. He was never like this before. He changed up on me in the blink of an eye.
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Oh he was always the way he is now, some men do this whole mirroring thing were they want to be what they think you need and want him to be and they'll play that role for a little while but truthfully it's just exhausting to continue approval seeking that way so he'll flip and be his real self once he's gained your approval & heart he no longer has to pretend anymore thus the woman is left reeling from it but on the real, the person you see NOW is the real him. Sometimes when a woman buy what a man is selling the tables flip because what he was doing is attempting to WIN your heart, once he's won your heart (gained your approval and attention) then he's gone back into the real him all the while the woman is still looking for the guy she was sold on, holding on, waiting, being held hostage because she's in love all by herself, well reality of it is he's gone, he was never real and the quicker you get that the better. Bait & Switch is not fun but it happens all the time. Ironically he hasn't earned your heart thus he hasn't fallen in love but he'll hold you hostage just to feed his own fragile ego. Who wants to be in love all by herself?
Some savvy guys out there and they'll get you when you least expect it, shit happens, learn from it and move on.
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You said "he has talked to me about real life plans & being together & going on dates. Voluntarily. I didn't have to force it."
But then you said "when I have time, I'll go to him but he won't do the same for me. He act as if he expects me to initiate everything"
Does that sound like a man that is into a real life plan, being together with you going on dates. Hell no so you see either you're not using common sense when he's pulling you into la la land or you're just choosing to dismiss the obvious which is he's not initiating, he's not thinking about you on his free time therefore he's not using his free time to come and see you and that's just not something a guy will do when he's really involved and interested in a woman.
He's not dating you now so what makes the future any different? He's not initiating anything now so what exactly are you supposed to get in the future?
Use your common sense, this guy is not being real with you....
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Posted by tiki33
You said "he has talked to me about real life plans & being together & going on dates. Voluntarily. I didn't have to force it."
But then you said "when I have time, I'll go to him but he won't do the same for me. He act as if he expects me to initiate everything"
Does that sound like a man that is into a real life plan, being together with you going on dates. Hell no so you see either you're not using common sense when he's pulling you into la la land or you're just choosing to dismiss the obvious which is he's not initiating, he's not thinking about you on his free time therefore he's not using his free time to come and see you and that's just not something a guy will do when he's really involved and interested in a woman.
He's not dating you now so what makes the future any different? He's not initiating anything now so what exactly are you supposed to get in the future?
Use your common sense, this guy is not being real with you....


I seem to get into situations like this with guys alot. Before Virgo guy, I was going back & forth with an Aries guy. The Aries pretty much tried to force a serious relationship on me . Telling everyone I'm his wife & everything. We barely even knew eachother, so I didn't like it. I'd rather a guy gets to know me & bond with me first before getting into a relationship. Anyway, I did admit that I had a small crush on him after so long. Frome there, he seemed controling. If I conversated with another guy or even made eye contact, he'd flirt with other girls in front of me. Like he's trying to stay steps ahead of me in some kind of game. Look around again, he has a girfriend that wasn't me. I was really young, this was my freshman year in high school. So it was new to me, I had never experienced this before. All I know is, it hurt me. And I feel, for whatever reason, I attract guys who are insecure & think every girl is out to hurt them in some way. So, if they sense it from me, they try to hurt me first. But I'd never hurt anyone, I don't understand what it is that I do for them to get that impression of me. Virgo made it obv the issue was not spending enough time together. Which I agree. However, I noticed he'll do for me what I do for him. Like visiting. The first time I went to see him, a few days later he called & said he was coming by to see me. I got demanding & he pulled away. Am I doing something wrong?
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Posted by tiki33
Posted by CapricornGirl24
Posted by amisunderstoodcap
Very selfish! He should always make time with you, but again he chose the easier road as of now. I just say you let it go for now and if he comes back in the future with a better head on his shoulders and you feel it's genuine, then maybe, but for now not at all..And you shouldn't have to initiate everything either! I can relate to all of this...


That's what I intend to do, but I'm not waiting for him. I've been BEYOND patient. Not to mention, loyal. The way he's been treating me is unfair. I don't deserve it. He let all the attention from other girls make him full of himself. So much to the point that me being there when nobody else cared & how things he did hurt me, he doesn't even care. He was never like this before. He changed up on me in the blink of an eye.


Oh he was always the way he is now ...
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He took a while to open up to me & I could tell it took a lot out of him to do it. He's very reserved like me. When he did, I saw a side of him I had never seen. By this time, I had known him for about 2 or 3 years, but this was the first time he pretty much exposed his inner thoughts & feelings to me. He seemed more grounded, gentle & genuine than usual. I wasn't expecting him to do it b/c no matter how many times I tried to get him to, he wouldn't budge. Almost like he didn't really feel safe yet & didn't trust me with that much info about him. Does the fact that he showed me a completely different side matter? Could it mean he's just going through a lot & acting off of his pain/anger? He even told me that he doesn't know what he wants, so even he knows he's confused. This all started after losing someone dear to him. He witnessed his loved one killed & hasn't seemed the same since.
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By the way, I really appreciate all the feedback & advcie. Thanks ! Big Grin
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No, I was definitely pushed away. It wasn't him having female friends beside him in his time of need that bothered me. It was the way they spoke to him. They flirted & he embraced it like I wasn't even there. He even slipped up on a social network and said "I come across the craziest females, why can't I find a down to earth chick" & we had been talking for about 10months when he said that. That's a slap in the face to me. I asked him where did it come from & his response was "it's just some stupid sh__ it I heard in this movie". So I asked if had anything to do with how he felt at all. He said no. I wasn't really buying it so I asked if he's been talking to girls on a personal relationship type level while he's been talking to me. He said no, he only conversates like a friend would do ; nothing more. So, I decided to trust him and to let it go. He called me that same night, and it was more like he was just checking to see if I was really okay. As time went by, the same things kept happening. More like he was acting off of his pain/anger & at the same time enjoying the attention he was getting from other girls. Plus he told me to pretty much do my own thing for now & enjoy life. It sounded like a player line to me. So,the more I saw him embrace others ; I disappeared. I was shocked he noticed seeing as how I felt like I had become invisible to him. On another note, This girl has no care for him whatsoever. She knows what he's been through just like everyone else but shows no care. She kicked him knowing he's already down just b/c he doesn't behave the way she wanted him to. And he pretty much disregards her even though she's always all over him when she comes in contact with him.He acts like he doesn't want her touching him ot talking to him in a certain way, especially in front of other people & she hates that he acts shy, he's no good & all this other negative stuff putting him down. Those are words from her mouth. She doesn't care about him & she isn't in love. She's obesessed & thirsty. She's forcing herself onto him, but he's tolerated it for so long w/o telling her to stop. So it's a mess he let come about. Then when I come back, he put on a show like she was better than me. He was trying to hurt me. I didn't pay it any mind b/c I knew what she had done. I called him out on it & he stopped making a scene. Meanwhile she's begging for his attention claiming to be so hurt and saying he's leading her on but she's been chasing him.
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He barely interacts with her. And like I said I'm pretty sure she knew about me b/c he made it obv more than once. I believe she's been competeing with me for him. Which is something I told him, I won't do with any other girls. I was already there. I won't compete with anyone & don't have to. That doesn't mean I don't care for him. I just think it's stupid to compete with another girl over a guy. Who does that ??? It's childish & immature. Plus , whenever he can't have his way he throws her in my face like she's better than me. My thingis, if she's sooo good why aren't you with her & why are you so focused on whether or not I leave. She's the "just in case" girl & I believe she knows that, but is determinde to make herself more by forcing her way in. A few weeks ago I posted on a social network that I had a new phone. In this generation, if a girl say "new phone" after a guy hasn't heard from her in about a week, it means a "new guy" is coming too. Don't ask why, I couldn't tell you. It makes no sense to me either, smh. But anyway, when I said that he flipped & threw her in my face almost like saying "I don't care if you go b/c I can go get her", in a subtle way. And I'm thinking to myself like "Wtf?, relax ! Not every girl is out to hurt you. I'm not doing anything. I said I got a new phone, not a new guy. I don't talk in riddles; that was straightforward. There's no hidden codes & I dn't have a hidden agenda either. Stop !!!!!". He's insecure & it drives me crazy. Its like he thinks I'm hiding something, but I'm not. It hurts that he would think so little of me when all I've done is sincerely care for him & not one time give him a reason to feel like I'm trying to play him. I hate it! But there's nothing I can do about his insecurities. That's smething he has to deal with on hos own.
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Let It Be, Im really curious to how you are anyone else wouldve responded to this part. I just honestly want to hear a way to handle this here.

"It was the way they spoke to him. They flirted & he embraced it like I wasn't even there. He even slipped up on a social network and said "I come across the craziest females, why can't I find a down to earth chick" & we had been talking for about 10months when he said that."
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Posted by Let*It*Be
Amazing how you know more about the virgo and this girl than you do of you and virgo. You walked away from him not once, but twice..poof..just left. That alone screwed you from a future with this Virgo. Had you communicated like an adult you would have discovered that if the Virgo really did care for you #as you stated more than once#, he would have gone out of his way to fix things. If we take a gander at your first "confusing" thread, he had females friends back then too, and what did you do? You walked away. After the third time of you walking away, trust me the virgo got it, yet you still come across like you are the victim. In the real world, if someone has been wronged as you claim you were, they'd walk and forget the person who wronged them exists. Yet you can't seem to do that. Speaks volumes. Bottom line, you have trust issues which stem from insecurities. I'd address that first before getting into a new relationship or any relationship for that matter. I apologize if the transparency I see here and call out is bothersome. I'm just being honest.


No,it doesn't bother me. I appreciate the honesty. I've tried numerous times to communicate with him & got ignored. That's why I left too. I felt like if he doesn't even wanna talk to me & work it out then he doesn't care so why should I bother. He made small efforts when I did disappear to get me back; nothing major or over the top. Which didn't bother me b/c we weren't official yet & I know he's naturally shy like me. But he def calmed down & talked to me more. Until females started jumping in his face again. I got pushed to the side & ignored, so I left. The things I know about this girl & him are b/c she runs her mouth on the social network telling it all. And I admit, I think I take my experiences out on him too. If I see him behaving like the guys before him, I get scared & run. He knows that b/c I've told him. And I've tried to stop, but I can't ignore what I see. I take things I've experienced as a lesson to apply later. But now that I think about, I see my wrong too. I think the fact that we both had bad experiences with other people is the reason why we act like this toward eachother. I've had guys just flat out drop me for no reason & he's had a girls do that to him, too. We're both afraid of getting hurt & let our experiences with people from our past get the best of us, I guess
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Now he won't talk to me at all & I don't know what to do except to just leave him alone.
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Posted by Let*It*Be
"It hurts that he would think so little of me when all I've done is sincerely care for him & not one time give him a reason to feel like I'm trying to play him. I hate it! But there's nothing I can do about his insecurities. That's smething he has to deal with on hos own."

It's like when you look at him and describe him you are really looking into a mirror. Ask him how much it hurt when you turned your back twice on the two of you and ran. Probably about the same degree of pain I would think. I'm on the outside looking in...and it's much clearer out here.


I definitely do see myself in him that's why I can relate to him so well. And I'm sure it hurts him when I run, but I honestly don't try to hurt him when I do. If I sense I'm about to experience the same things I suffered from guys before him, I vanish only b/c I'm scared to get hurt again & to protect myself from it. I see him doing the same towards me. It hurts like hell. But I'd never throw another guy in his face like he does to me with this girl. I turned guys away for him. No guy could get closer to me than him. It hurts that he feels the need to protect himself from me b/c I'd never intentionally want to hurt him, but I guess I do in a way. And I really don't mean it.
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Posted by CapricornGirl24
Now he won't talk to me at all & I don't know what to do except to just leave him alone.


To me it doesnt appear that he's ready for a serious relationship right now, but maybe eventually the two of you can be friends.
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Posted by lnana04
Let It Be, Im really curious to how you are anyone else wouldve responded to this part. I just honestly want to hear a way to handle this here.

"It was the way they spoke to him. They flirted & he embraced it like I wasn't even there. He even slipped up on a social network and said "I come across the craziest females, why can't I find a down to earth chick" & we had been talking for about 10months when he said that."


I didn't handle it well at all. Even after I said I'd let it go, I stayed up late nights thinking "why would he say that?". He knew & called me again a few nights later asking why I was up so late. I told him, I was thinking about what he had said & didn't like it. He told me not to sweat it & he didn't mean anything by it. But that's easy to say for him seeing as how he didn't get the slap in the face. Which I told him. Then he asked again why I was up, I said "I just told you why I'm up". He said,"The real reason.". So now I'm like, "what do you mean the real reason? I've never lied to you before & don't plan on doing it no time soon". He said,"I didn't say that...". I responded with "well what do you mean 'the real reason'?" He said, "Idk. It's kinda late to be up just thinking", So I said, "that's just the way I am. If I'm bothered about something, I barely sleep". Which is the honest to God truth. I was constantly upset & thinking about what he said off and on for about 2 weeks.
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Posted by Let*It*Be
Posted by lnana04
Let It Be, Im really curious to how you are anyone else wouldve responded to this part. I just honestly want to hear a way to handle this here.

"It was the way they spoke to him. They flirted & he embraced it like I wasn't even there. He even slipped up on a social network and said "I come across the craziest females, why can't I find a down to earth chick" & we had been talking for about 10months when he said that."



You exhaust all efforts to figure out why this behavior is happening and communicate how it makes you feel in a subtle manner. She thought walking away was the only communication. Doesn't work for Virgo..
No, they were definitely flirting with him & he embraced it like I was never there. I didn't misinterpret that. Believe it or not, a loose female will chase a guy who's already down to no end. They think they can have their way with a guy when he's like that. Trifling, yes. But I've seen it & I'm sure it happens & that's what they were doing. The fact that he made that statement for the world to see on a social network was foul. He might as well just said, "Hey, ladies come at me". He did this in the midst of all the attention he was getting from the girls flirting with him. He had never done it before. He was enjoying it so much that he opened his mouth & spoke any way he wanted with no regard to how I felt. Pushing me away.
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Posted by Let*It*Be
Every relationship deserves a fresh start by leaving the past behind. We cannot associate those who hurt us in the past to the new person before us. It's bound to be doomed if we do. If there's left over hurt, anger or grief from a previous relationship time should be taken to deal with that and put behind. If not, a new relationship also will be doomed.
What's that saying...."Love like you've never been hurt" makes sense and gives the new person in your life at least half a chance.


Soooo agree with you on that. I think we both should work on ridding ourselves of pain from past experiences. I thought I had let mine go, but clearly I haven't. And from what I can tell, neither has he.
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Posted by CapricornGirl24
Posted by lnana04
Let It Be, Im really curious to how you are anyone else wouldve responded to this part. I just honestly want to hear a way to handle this here.

"It was the way they spoke to him. They flirted & he embraced it like I wasn't even there. He even slipped up on a social network and said "I come across the craziest females, why can't I find a down to earth chick" & we had been talking for about 10months when he said that."


I didn't handle it well at all. Even after I said I'd let it go, I stayed up late nights thinking "why would he say that?". He knew & called me again a few nights later asking why I was up so late. I told him, I was thinking about what he had said & didn't like it. He told me not to sweat it & he didn't mean anything by it. But that's easy to say for him seeing as how he didn't get the slap in the face. Which I told him. Then he asked again why I was up, I said "I just told you why I'm up". He said,"The real reason.". So now I'm like, "what do you mean the real reason? I've never lied to you before & don't plan on doing it no time soon". He said,"I didn't say that...". I responded with "well what do you mean 'the real reason'?" He said, "Idk. It's kinda late to be up just thinking", So I said, "that's just the way I am. If I'm bothered about something, I barely sleep". Which is the honest to God truth. I was constantly upset & thinking about what he said off and on for about 2 weeks.
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So you think you shouldve been more honest with him about it? If so, why were you afraid to?
I get the iimpression he knew it bothered you and was pushing you to open up about it.
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Posted by lnana04
Posted by CapricornGirl24
Now he won't talk to me at all & I don't know what to do except to just leave him alone.


To me it doesnt appear that he's ready for a serious relationship right now, but maybe eventually the two of you can be friends.
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I'm hoping so. But I really do want more than that, but at the same time I don't wanna force someone into something they're not ready for. It's not fair & I don't think it'd last or be a healthy relationship. Idk every little thing about his past relationships & he doesn't know every detail about mines either. The fear of being hurt again, I feel, is what makes us run from eachother.
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Posted by lnana04
Posted by CapricornGirl24
Posted by lnana04
Let It Be, Im really curious to how you are anyone else wouldve responded to this part. I just honestly want to hear a way to handle this here.

"It was the way they spoke to him. They flirted & he embraced it like I wasn't even there. He even slipped up on a social network and said "I come across the craziest females, why can't I find a down to earth chick" & we had been talking for about 10months when he said that."


I didn't handle it well at all. Even after I said I'd let it go, I stayed up late nights thinking "why would he say that?". He knew & called me again a few nights later asking why I was up so late. I told him, I was thinking about what he had said & didn't like it. He told me not to sweat it & he didn't mean anything by it. But that's easy to say for him seeing as how he didn't get the slap in the face. Which I told him. Then he asked again why I was up, I said "I just told you why I'm up". He said,"The real reason.". So now I'm like, "what do you mean the real reason? I've never lied to you before & don't plan on doing it no time soon". He said,"I didn't say that...". I responded with "well what do you mean 'the real reason'?" He said, "Idk. It's kinda late to be up just thinking", So I said, "that's just the way I am. If I'm bothered about something, I barely sleep". Which is the honest to God truth. I was constantly upset & thinking about what he said off and on for about 2 weeks.


So you think you shouldve been more honest with him about it? If so, why were you afraid to?
I get the iimpression he knew it bothered you and was pushing you to open up about it.
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No, I really tried to let it go. But I couldn't help thinking about it. Yeah, he tried to get me to open up but I thought I had made it very clear, I was bothered. I don't understand why he'd say that after we've been talking for alost a year straight.
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Posted by Let*It*Be
"I told him, I was thinking about what he had said & didn't like it."

So wouldn't it have then been the time to simply ask..."am I not the down to earth girl you were looking for?" Virgos are straight shooters, he would've answered that. Or...I would have flat out asked..am I wasting my time here with you? But that's me...I'd have to communicate and get a clear understanding before I could walk away without a thought. It would have to be something horrible for me to walk away, and when I do walk away I don't ever look back.
That's the problem with social networking...it's vague, its so impersonal and almost always comes across as such. IMO, it's a thorn in every relationship's side...


With anyone else, I could walk away & not look back. But for whatever reason, I always feel the need to keep trying with this guy. And I definitely should have asked those questions that night. But not too long after he made that statement, he seemed so distant again. So I jus flat out asked, "are you sure you want to be with me?". He said, "Yeah". Being the way I am I couldn't help but ask "why?" He looked at me like he didn't understand what I meant, so I said "why out of all other girls would you choose me?". (Yes, I see now that even I am insecure.) He responded with, "that's what I want". Not much of an explanation , though. And he wouldn't give me any details of what exactly it was about me that he sees & knows he wants in a woman...
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I think you made it clear too. I think you handled it well.
Theres not many men that will accept a woman flirting with other men under any circumstance, and if you made a comment like that on facebook he would be gone. The double standards kill my soul, and im sure all you want is nothing less than all you are willing to give. Bottom line, it wasnt fair for him to pull that and sit back and push for you to show vulnerability as if that was the reward. I dont see where he put the same value into the relationship as you did, and theres no fixing or forcing that.
You tried, and he may have at one time. Ah well.
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Posted by lnana04
I think you made it clear too. I think you handled it well.
Theres not many men that will accept a woman flirting with other men under any circumstance, and if you made a comment like that on facebook he would be gone. The double standards kill my soul, and im sure all you want is nothing less than all you are willing to give. Bottom line, it wasnt fair for him to pull that and sit back and push for you to show vulnerability as if that was the reward. I dont see where he put the same value into the relationship as you did, and theres no fixing or forcing that.
You tried, and he may have at one time. Ah well.


I told him , "if it was the other way around & other guys were coming at me like that & you told me it bothered you; I'd put a stop to it. He said,"if it was the other way around, I wouldn't say anyithing. We're not together yet. We gonna take our time & work on us. When we get to that point, we'll deal with it. But right now, it's just us for the moment"... I kinda understand what that meant, but at the same time I couldn't ignore the fact that I was uncomfortable & felt disrespected.
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Posted by Let*It*Be
"He responded with, "that's what I want". Not much of an explanation , though. And he wouldn't give me any details of what exactly it was about me that he sees & knows he wants in a woman..."

^^^typical Virgo right there. Straight forward no mush, because when they are not feeling cornered, they go out of their way to SHOW what they mean if given the chance to.


How would he feel cornered though ? Me asking a lot of questions & wanting details? Should I just take his word for it & relax? (even though he won't talk to me now). And is it true that they never go for the girls who chase them over the one out of the bunch with standards ?
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Girly, you of all people should know about bottom lines. Im reading your posts and dont see one in sight.
CapricornGirl24, go knock on this dudes door and pour out your heart to him. Tell him you want to be with him, and have no fear in showing this side of yourself. You said its what you want. 80% of Cap females dont get this far in knowing lol, so go for him, im serious. Thanks to LIB you now see your faults. Go and take the initiative, and start new leaving the entire past behind. Everything.
I see where this thread is going, which is in a big gigantic circle, and im curious but my patience is running thin for this continuance of this side of the story. Change of direction. Put yourself out there, in a way thats comfortable to you girly.. You never know what you may get, and you might break a record in being the first Cappie to do it.
You want answers, but you may have them all. Would doing this be terrifying to you?
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I kind of agree, capricorns are very scared to.give their hearts away to someone because it makes us vulnerable and we do blame others alot to protect and defend ourselves. I think we're afraid to take risks and we're afraid to put ourselves out there. We do push people away because we're afraid, but we don't intentionally do so. I think you should just go for it and maybe tell him how you feel and tell him that you know the part you played and see where it goes. Apologize for leaving him
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