Had to walk away from Virgo Man but still care for him

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by SagChick72 on Thursday, December 28, 2017 and has 8 replies.
After almost a year of "hooking up" and discussions on feelings (he told me early on he was not looking for a relationship but I told him I had feelings for him and he kept coming back). Went thru the back and forth hot/cold BS..I never texted too much (maybe once a week to check on him). Every time we would get close he would go off for a few weeks. This time everything was just fine and the holidays came around. He stood me up twice in one week-when I called him out on it he went silent. Then I found out a loved one was dying and reached out to him in a moment of emotion-I told him I cared about him and did not need a response, I was just saying it for me. He responded by stating he was sorry to hear about what I was going thru and he would be there for me if I needed to talk. (never mentioned the caring part). Two days later I texted him (can't call because of his job) and told him I really needed someone to talk to and was not in a good place-silence. Two days later I text again saying I hoped he was ok. Nothing. (it is very unlike him not to respond to me). On Christmas I finally had enough and when I didn't hear from him all day I texted him and told him I was stepping away because his actions are telling me that is what he wants. Nothing. And yes, I know he is ok as a friend spent Christmas with his family. I am devastated. I know he cares about me and is running scared-but I could not sacrifice anymore dignity by letting him blow me off like he was. What are the chances he will attempt to reach out to me? I was not ugly by any means to him in my last text.
There is always that chance he will reach out. But this doesn't sound like he is worth waiting for or dwelling on.
Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Why would you want anything with a guy who treats you like that

If someone isn't there when you need them why even bother with them
I know that is exactly right-I guess it just seemed so unlike him to act that way it took me by surprise and really, really hurt.


You can love him dearly - its okay, its in your power to love him

You cannot force him to communicate with you - its not okay, its not in your power to make him talk to you

so, if you love him, own it, if you want to quit with him own it - just dont announce everything to him, solve it yourself..... he doesnt want to communicate, for reasons known only to him, so dont text him anymore, dont bother him

if he is well, as your friend confirmed, he has chosen to not answer...

and your text was a bit manipulative "told him I was stepping away because his actions are telling me that is what he wants. Nothing. " - nothing? so you expected a response? you wrote him this to get a reaction? see, maybe that is the reason he doesnt want to communicate with you..... before this text, you wrote him "Two days later I texted him (can't call because of his job) and told him I really needed someone to talk to and was not in a good place"

I am really sorry you are hurting, but this harassing him has to stop, for your own good

love him, if you like, but dont text him anymore

my 2 cents

Posted by Pandora101

You can love him dearly - its okay, its in your power to love him

You cannot force him to communicate with you - its not okay, its not in your power to make him talk to you

so, if you love him, own it, if you want to quit with him own it - just dont announce everything to him, solve it yourself..... he doesnt want to communicate, for reasons known only to him, so dont text him anymore, dont bother him

if he is well, as your friend confirmed, he has chosen to not answer...

and your text was a bit manipulative "told him I was stepping away because his actions are telling me that is what he wants. Nothing. " - nothing? so you expected a response? you wrote him this to get a reaction? see, maybe that is the reason he doesnt want to communicate with you..... before this text, you wrote him "Two days later I texted him (can't call because of his job) and told him I really needed someone to talk to and was not in a good place"

I am really sorry you are hurting, but this harassing him has to stop, for your own good

love him, if you like, but dont text him anymore

my 2 cents

I guess I didn't feel it was manipulative when someone tells you "I am here for you if you need to talk anytime" and I took him up on it...as far as the text telling him I was stepping away, yes, to be honest, I hoped for some sort of response-given we have been seeing each other for pretty much this entire year. I have told him before if he ever wasn't feeling it or felt as if I was bothering him to let me know (I appreciate the directness being a Sag) but he always assured me that wasn't the case and his job just keeps him busy. Again, I never texted/called him incessantly, never asked him for anything-gave him all the space in the world-I was just wanting some common courtesy when it came to plans/standing me up, etc. In the past I have been super manipulative when it came to men but this time I was 100% honest, upfront, and really fell for him. I agree with everything else you said, but harassing is a bit much to describe texting someone twice because he didn't have the balls to reply to tell me to F off if nothing else.

Posted by SagChick72
Posted by Pandora101

You can love him dearly - its okay, its in your power to love him

You cannot force him to communicate with you - its not okay, its not in your power to make him talk to you

so, if you love him, own it, if you want to quit with him own it - just dont announce everything to him, solve it yourself..... he doesnt want to communicate, for reasons known only to him, so dont text him anymore, dont bother him

if he is well, as your friend confirmed, he has chosen to not answer...

and your text was a bit manipulative "told him I was stepping away because his actions are telling me that is what he wants. Nothing. " - nothing? so you expected a response? you wrote him this to get a reaction? see, maybe that is the reason he doesnt want to communicate with you..... before this text, you wrote him "Two days later I texted him (can't call because of his job) and told him I really needed someone to talk to and was not in a good place"

I am really sorry you are hurting, but this harassing him has to stop, for your own good

love him, if you like, but dont text him anymore

my 2 cents

I guess I didn't feel it was manipulative when someone tells you "I am here for you if you need to talk anytime" and I took him up on it...as far as the text telling him I was stepping away, yes, to be honest, I hoped for some sort of response-given we have been seeing each other for pretty much this entire year. I have told him before if he ever wasn't feeling it or felt as if I was bothering him to let me know (I appreciate the directness being a Sag) but he always assured me that wasn't the case and his job just keeps him busy. Again, I never texted/called him incessantly, never asked him for anything-gave him all the space in the world-I was just wanting some common courtesy when it came to plans/standing me up, etc. In the past I have been super manipulative when it came to men but this time I was 100% honest, upfront, and really fell for him. I agree with everything else you said, but harassing is a bit much to describe texting someone twice because he didn't have the balls to reply to tell me to F off if nothing else.

click to expand
well done for your honest answer and self-reflexiton here

the thing is, he said "I am here for you if you need to talk anytime" and he didnt back it up with any action.... he just wanted to placate you, it seems.... I hate him for this smile

the other thing: you wrote: "I never texted/called him incessantly" - no, you didnt, but when you did, it was something very intense.... if he is undecided, your intensity is too much for him.... and Christmas time is excelarating all emotions..... so, if you really want to give him space, just dont talk to him for like 1-2 (better 6) months, so all the emotions can clear up, on your side as well as on his side

texting once a week (or any random time) an emotional text is not good.... know what I mean?

I am sure you can do this.... its been a year together.... leave him alone for now, let him slowly reminiscing about the time you were always there for him...

dont stoop down for some emotional blackmailing aka I really need to talk to somebody.... or I will stay away if that is what you want... no way!

you can do this, I believe in you

he will be back.... but will he really be back, how you want him to be back, if you force him throu "emotional blackmail" ? no

will he be back, if you really give him space? like really be back? chances are strong... but not after 2 weeks! that is a long-term plan smile



Posted by Pandora101
Posted by SagChick72
Posted by Pandora101

You can love him dearly - its okay, its in your power to love him

You cannot force him to communicate with you - its not okay, its not in your power to make him talk to you

so, if you love him, own it, if you want to quit with him own it - just dont announce everything to him, solve it yourself..... he doesnt want to communicate, for reasons known only to him, so dont text him anymore, dont bother him

if he is well, as your friend confirmed, he has chosen to not answer...

and your text was a bit manipulative "told him I was stepping away because his actions are telling me that is what he wants. Nothing. " - nothing? so you expected a response? you wrote him this to get a reaction? see, maybe that is the reason he doesnt want to communicate with you..... before this text, you wrote him "Two days later I texted him (can't call because of his job) and told him I really needed someone to talk to and was not in a good place"

I am really sorry you are hurting, but this harassing him has to stop, for your own good

love him, if you like, but dont text him anymore

my 2 cents

I guess I didn't feel it was manipulative when someone tells you "I am here for you if you need to talk anytime" and I took him up on it...as far as the text telling him I was stepping away, yes, to be honest, I hoped for some sort of response-given we have been seeing each other for pretty much this entire year. I have told him before if he ever wasn't feeling it or felt as if I was bothering him to let me know (I appreciate the directness being a Sag) but he always assured me that wasn't the case and his job just keeps him busy. Again, I never texted/called him incessantly, never asked him for anything-gave him all the space in the world-I was just wanting some common courtesy when it came to plans/standing me up, etc. In the past I have been super manipulative when it came to men but this time I was 100% honest, upfront, and really fell for him. I agree with everything else you said, but harassing is a bit much to describe texting someone twice because he didn't have the balls to reply to tell me to F off if nothing else.

well done for your honest answer and self-reflexiton here

the thing is, he said "I am here for you if you need to talk anytime" and he didnt back it up with any action.... he just wanted to placate you, it seems.... I hate him for this smile

the other thing: you wrote: "I never texted/called him incessantly" - no, you didnt, but when you did, it was something very intense.... if he is undecided, your intensity is too much for him.... and Christmas time is excelarating all emotions..... so, if you really want to give him space, just dont talk to him for like 1-2 (better 6) months, so all the emotions can clear up, on your side as well as on his side

texting once a week (or any random time) an emotional text is not good.... know what I mean?

I am sure you can do this.... its been a year together.... leave him alone for now, let him slowly reminiscing about the time you were always there for him...

dont stoop down for some emotional blackmailing aka I really need to talk to somebody.... or I will stay away if that is what you want... no way!

you can do this, I believe in you

he will be back.... but will he really be back, how you want him to be back, if you force him throu "emotional blackmail" ? no

will he be back, if you really give him space? like really be back? chances are strong... but not after 2 weeks! that is a long-term plan smile



click to expand
Thank you. I am trying to remind myself I am going thru a raw, emotional time right now and because of the way I feel about him I want to be able to lean on him, but he is apparently not able to give me that. It did cross my mind he has a pretty severe alcohol problem and it could be off the rails due to the holiday. As much as it hurts and as much as it kills me I am not going to initiate any form of contact with him. I have to trust that if its meant to be it will-regardless of time. Thank you for your insight-I truly value the advice. smile
Posted by SagChick72
Posted by Pandora101
Posted by SagChick72
Posted by Pandora101

You can love him dearly - its okay, its in your power to love him

You cannot force him to communicate with you - its not okay, its not in your power to make him talk to you

so, if you love him, own it, if you want to quit with him own it - just dont announce everything to him, solve it yourself..... he doesnt want to communicate, for reasons known only to him, so dont text him anymore, dont bother him

if he is well, as your friend confirmed, he has chosen to not answer...

and your text was a bit manipulative "told him I was stepping away because his actions are telling me that is what he wants. Nothing. " - nothing? so you expected a response? you wrote him this to get a reaction? see, maybe that is the reason he doesnt want to communicate with you..... before this text, you wrote him "Two days later I texted him (can't call because of his job) and told him I really needed someone to talk to and was not in a good place"

I am really sorry you are hurting, but this harassing him has to stop, for your own good

love him, if you like, but dont text him anymore

my 2 cents

I guess I didn't feel it was manipulative when someone tells you "I am here for you if you need to talk anytime" and I took him up on it...as far as the text telling him I was stepping away, yes, to be honest, I hoped for some sort of response-given we have been seeing each other for pretty much this entire year. I have told him before if he ever wasn't feeling it or felt as if I was bothering him to let me know (I appreciate the directness being a Sag) but he always assured me that wasn't the case and his job just keeps him busy. Again, I never texted/called him incessantly, never asked him for anything-gave him all the space in the world-I was just wanting some common courtesy when it came to plans/standing me up, etc. In the past I have been super manipulative when it came to men but this time I was 100% honest, upfront, and really fell for him. I agree with everything else you said, but harassing is a bit much to describe texting someone twice because he didn't have the balls to reply to tell me to F off if nothing else.

well done for your honest answer and self-reflexiton here

the thing is, he said "I am here for you if you need to talk anytime" and he didnt back it up with any action.... he just wanted to placate you, it seems.... I hate him for this smile

the other thing: you wrote: "I never texted/called him incessantly" - no, you didnt, but when you did, it was something very intense.... if he is undecided, your intensity is too much for him.... and Christmas time is excelarating all emotions..... so, if you really want to give him space, just dont talk to him for like 1-2 (better 6) months, so all the emotions can clear up, on your side as well as on his side

texting once a week (or any random time) an emotional text is not good.... know what I mean?

I am sure you can do this.... its been a year together.... leave him alone for now, let him slowly reminiscing about the time you were always there for him...

dont stoop down for some emotional blackmailing aka I really need to talk to somebody.... or I will stay away if that is what you want... no way!

you can do this, I believe in you

he will be back.... but will he really be back, how you want him to be back, if you force him throu "emotional blackmail" ? no

will he be back, if you really give him space? like really be back? chances are strong... but not after 2 weeks! that is a long-term plan smile



Thank you. I am trying to remind myself I am going thru a raw, emotional time right now and because of the way I feel about him I want to be able to lean on him, but he is apparently not able to give me that. It did cross my mind he has a pretty severe alcohol problem and it could be off the rails due to the holiday. As much as it hurts and as much as it kills me I am not going to initiate any form of contact with him. I have to trust that if its meant to be it will-regardless of time. Thank you for your insight-I truly value the advice. smile
click to expand
I have known only 2 Virgo man, both of them workaholics and very precise, very "vain" and sensitive.... they dont do well with emotions.... they have a feeling they have to help... and if they cant actively help they get irritated and ignore.... (like even taking different routes to work to not meet the other collegue - I observed this with the Virgo collegue towards another collegue)...... and they come back to the problem after they think they solved it, like in mooooonths time

the other Virgo, the friend, is the same.... I witnessed several times he likes women who command him rather then surround or bow to him - he is still single

I never had a romantic feeling for either of them, so its different to see it from the collegue/friend point of view