Virgo man, Virgo woman, New relationship...HELP!!!
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by BreezyVirgo on Thursday, April 25, 2013 and has 16 replies.
I'm brand new to this site but have read hundreds of blogs on Virgos here. I knew this was the best place to share my story and am hoping for insight from both male/female posters as to my situation.
Virgo woman met Virgo man on dating site. He is considerably younger than me. Very mature for his age. Owns and operates his own business. Works out of town, so we only see each other occasionally. Told me he loved me after one month. Said he saw ours as a "forever" relationship instead of a "long-term" relationship. Texted and called frequently. We were intimate the second time we met but had already been talking for over a month. I knew he fell for me the first time he saw me--it was in his eyes. I wasn't so sure.
Fast forward to April 15, 2013. After two weeks with no contact (he is bipolar and says he's in "a dark place" right now), he called to let me know he was coming through town. I didn't offer to see him; he then asked me if I was available to see him. We met and enjoyed each others' company for 3 hours. We were intimate, watched a movie, and briefly discussed what had happened. I let him know that I understood his need to figure out if he had feelings for a previous GF or not--he said that he didn't. I asked him what he meant when he said "I love you" to me. He responded with "I love you, I'm in love with you, I want you to be a part of my life, and I want to be a part of your life." I thanked him for being open and honest about that and said I didn't want to get into a heavy conversation. I also let him know that we got started pretty quickly and probably needed to slow things down a bit--he agreed.
On April 20, I was driving home from Atlanta. Not hearing from him was eating me alive. I'm trying not to give off the clingy/needy vibe and am proud to say that, since this date, I haven't contacted him at all. We have a little "bet" going that I'll be the first one to contact. I told him I wouldn't and want to stay true to my word. I've read that when Virgo men go silent, it can mean that they are really IN to the other person. I'm one to need validation of the other person's feelings, but I'm willing to "go with" the idea that he could be totally in to me and trying to figure out if this is the relationship he wants. I mentioned to him that I hope he thinks about me sometimes, even though he isn't contacting me. He replied with, "You're all I think about."
Is he playing me? Is a relationship forming?
Virgo woman met Virgo man on dating site. He is considerably younger than me. Very mature for his age. Owns and operates his own business. Works out of town, so we only see each other occasionally. Told me he loved me after one month. Said he saw ours as a "forever" relationship instead of a "long-term" relationship. Texted and called frequently. We were intimate the second time we met but had already been talking for over a month. I knew he fell for me the first time he saw me--it was in his eyes. I wasn't so sure.
Fast forward to April 15, 2013. After two weeks with no contact (he is bipolar and says he's in "a dark place" right now), he called to let me know he was coming through town. I didn't offer to see him; he then asked me if I was available to see him. We met and enjoyed each others' company for 3 hours. We were intimate, watched a movie, and briefly discussed what had happened. I let him know that I understood his need to figure out if he had feelings for a previous GF or not--he said that he didn't. I asked him what he meant when he said "I love you" to me. He responded with "I love you, I'm in love with you, I want you to be a part of my life, and I want to be a part of your life." I thanked him for being open and honest about that and said I didn't want to get into a heavy conversation. I also let him know that we got started pretty quickly and probably needed to slow things down a bit--he agreed.
On April 20, I was driving home from Atlanta. Not hearing from him was eating me alive. I'm trying not to give off the clingy/needy vibe and am proud to say that, since this date, I haven't contacted him at all. We have a little "bet" going that I'll be the first one to contact. I told him I wouldn't and want to stay true to my word. I've read that when Virgo men go silent, it can mean that they are really IN to the other person. I'm one to need validation of the other person's feelings, but I'm willing to "go with" the idea that he could be totally in to me and trying to figure out if this is the relationship he wants. I mentioned to him that I hope he thinks about me sometimes, even though he isn't contacting me. He replied with, "You're all I think about."
Is he playing me? Is a relationship forming?
Very rare for a virgo to say ILY that soon. I don't know, you just have to wait and see.
wait he's bipolar.
wait he's bipolar.
Although not bipolar and definitely not in the same "ILY" spectrum as you, but my Virgo has also gone quiet (meaning he's not initiating contact when he usually is/does).
Remember - we are also Virgos so that "mini panic attack" you're having (me as well kind of) may be what he's having. I initiated contact with him a few days ago but I didnt want to push him because if he's anything like the Virgo I am, and if you and your boyfriend are as well - I like to collect my thoughts before making a move on a serious issue/topic.
Like the previous OP listed - it is odd for a Virguy to say ILY so quickly BUT I would wait it out and see what happens. Not too long though because just like us gurls like hearing from guys - they like hearing from us as well. I just wouldnt slaughter him with texts back to back to back. Maybe by tomorrow just a "hey whats up".
Keep us updated!
Remember - we are also Virgos so that "mini panic attack" you're having (me as well kind of) may be what he's having. I initiated contact with him a few days ago but I didnt want to push him because if he's anything like the Virgo I am, and if you and your boyfriend are as well - I like to collect my thoughts before making a move on a serious issue/topic.
Like the previous OP listed - it is odd for a Virguy to say ILY so quickly BUT I would wait it out and see what happens. Not too long though because just like us gurls like hearing from guys - they like hearing from us as well. I just wouldnt slaughter him with texts back to back to back. Maybe by tomorrow just a "hey whats up".
Keep us updated!
When we talked last Saturday (April 20), he "jokingly" used words like "clingy/needy/pushy" to describe my actions. I was shocked! Never say myself like that, but it was a wake-up call to STOP DOING IT. I realize that the need for validation is my issue, and I don't want to lose him so I'm seriously working on this. I'm proud to say that I feel very balanced and have not had the urge to call/text since our conversation. The "bet" that I won't be the first one to contact is something I feel strongly about, and I want him to see that I can keep my word. He wants me to lose, but I'm stubborn enough to know that he needs space. I just hope I'm doing the right thing. One of two things will happen: He'll stay, or he'll go!
Posted by BreezyVirgo
Is he playing me?
There's no way telling from what you have posted, considering he isn't here to speak for himself, and to respond about what he is doing based on YOUR perspective ... is ludicrious.
However, it is obvious to me that YOU are playing with his feelings .....
Posted by BreezyVirgo
I asked him what he meant when he said "I love you" to me. He responded with ...
... and said I didn't want to get into a heavy conversation.
click to expand
... there's no other reason to do that ^^^^ except to try and manipulate his perception.
* omit the i = ludicrous
Ya could be the "virgo panic attack" 
Any updates?
Any updates?
Posted by trashedbliss
Although not bipolar and definitely not in the same "ILY" spectrum as you, but my Virgo has also gone quiet (meaning he's not initiating contact when he usually is/does).
Remember - we are also Virgos so that "mini panic attack" you're having (me as well kind of) may be what he's having. I initiated contact with him a few days ago but I didnt want to push him because if he's anything like the Virgo I am, and if you and your boyfriend are as well - I like to collect my thoughts before making a move on a serious issue/topic.
Like the previous OP listed - it is odd for a Virguy to say ILY so quickly BUT I would wait it out and see what happens. Not too long though because just like us gurls like hearing from guys - they like hearing from us as well. I just wouldnt slaughter him with texts back to back to back. Maybe by tomorrow just a "hey whats up".
Keep us updated!
No updates yet, Applemint! Thanks for asking. I'm just giving him time to come around. He let me know he's in "a really dark place" right now, which means that he could be in a depressive state with the bipolar. I've decided not to panic and put more investment into him than he's putting into me right now. He keeps coming back with "my feelings haven't changed" and "I'm still your man", so until he decides otherwise I'll just go with the flow. Am I letting him control me? No. I'm continuing on with my life, my hobbies, going out with my friends, etc. and will just see what happens.
One thing I don't understand is this. When a Virgo man says he loves you and wants to be exclusive, does that automatically mean he sees the two of you as "in a relationship" or does that come later? Being a Virgal, that's what I would think, but I've never dated a Virguy before.
Thanks for your interest. I would be interested in PMing if you want more details up to this point.
One thing I don't understand is this. When a Virgo man says he loves you and wants to be exclusive, does that automatically mean he sees the two of you as "in a relationship" or does that come later? Being a Virgal, that's what I would think, but I've never dated a Virguy before.
Thanks for your interest. I would be interested in PMing if you want more details up to this point.
Bipolar...Get out now!
Okay that was dramatic. My first question. Is he medicated? It's important if he is medicated or not medicated. If he's not medicated or not on the right meds this can and will be very, very, very difficult for you and yes it matters if he's on meds even if he exclaims to you it doesn't matter, it matters.
Bipolar people have these extreme up and down moods
". I've decided not to panic and put more investment into him than he's putting into me right now."
Why would you do that?
"When we talked last Saturday (April 20), he "jokingly" used words like "clingy/needy/pushy" to describe my actions. I was shocked! Never say myself like that, "
He's projecting that onto you, do not own it. Don't allow a man especially a Bipolar man to define you because if you don't believe that's you then you're probably right.
He's working you over quickly so do yourself a big big favor, read up on women who are in relationships with Bipolar man, learn everything you can because the more information you have the better prepared you are to deal with it.
"I realize that the need for validation is my issue, and I don't want to lose him so I'm seriously working on this."
You've already LOST if he's not contacting you.
"Told me he loved me after one month."
Now you know that's a lie don't you?
How do you know he's not married and/or already in a long term relationship?
Has he professed his love for you via his friends and family? Have you been introduced to his world?
I suggest you get busy understanding all the negatives and positives regarding dating a Bipolar man. What you may find is he'll use having/being Bipolar as an excuse to check out on you, there is no excuse for that.
Once you give him a pass to be absent because he's Bipolar he'll use it as a get out of jail card so don't allow him to use his illness as a way to avoid you. If he's avoiding you it's not because he's Bipolar. Bipolar men tend to be high functioning so there is something else going on.
You expect your man to be present and available and he's neither so maybe you should consider dating someone who is available for you.
You are a beautiful woman (if that's you in your picture) and you know you can do better. If you can, stay away from mentally ill men, they are HORROR, even the medicated ones can be a HORROR.
Okay that was dramatic. My first question. Is he medicated? It's important if he is medicated or not medicated. If he's not medicated or not on the right meds this can and will be very, very, very difficult for you and yes it matters if he's on meds even if he exclaims to you it doesn't matter, it matters.
Bipolar people have these extreme up and down moods
". I've decided not to panic and put more investment into him than he's putting into me right now."
Why would you do that?
"When we talked last Saturday (April 20), he "jokingly" used words like "clingy/needy/pushy" to describe my actions. I was shocked! Never say myself like that, "
He's projecting that onto you, do not own it. Don't allow a man especially a Bipolar man to define you because if you don't believe that's you then you're probably right.
He's working you over quickly so do yourself a big big favor, read up on women who are in relationships with Bipolar man, learn everything you can because the more information you have the better prepared you are to deal with it.
"I realize that the need for validation is my issue, and I don't want to lose him so I'm seriously working on this."
You've already LOST if he's not contacting you.
"Told me he loved me after one month."
Now you know that's a lie don't you?
How do you know he's not married and/or already in a long term relationship?
Has he professed his love for you via his friends and family? Have you been introduced to his world?
I suggest you get busy understanding all the negatives and positives regarding dating a Bipolar man. What you may find is he'll use having/being Bipolar as an excuse to check out on you, there is no excuse for that.
Once you give him a pass to be absent because he's Bipolar he'll use it as a get out of jail card so don't allow him to use his illness as a way to avoid you. If he's avoiding you it's not because he's Bipolar. Bipolar men tend to be high functioning so there is something else going on.
You expect your man to be present and available and he's neither so maybe you should consider dating someone who is available for you.
You are a beautiful woman (if that's you in your picture) and you know you can do better. If you can, stay away from mentally ill men, they are HORROR, even the medicated ones can be a HORROR.
Lastly, while he's being Bipolar use this time to learn...LEARN, it's important you know the ins and outs of this Bipolar madness and because it's a new relationship you actually have enough wiggle room to get out before he turns you into a mentally deranged out of control human being.
What you seek from him you will not receive. Mean statement but it's the truth. It's fun in the beginning but a nightmare in the end.
What you seek from him you will not receive. Mean statement but it's the truth. It's fun in the beginning but a nightmare in the end.
Thanks for your comments, Tiki. And, yes, that's me in the photo! i don't profess to know everything about bipolar, so I need to get educated. I'm guessing he's in a depressed state right now.
I've decided not to put all my eggs in his basket and see him when he's in town but ONLY if I don't have other plans. He is fun to hang out with and I do care about his well being. Like you, I can't be sure if he loves me or not. I'll just enjoy his company and the fun we have knowing that a full-on relationship will not ensue. It's not a FWB situation, so I won't have those ties to break free from.
Any other words of advice you want to offer are welcomed!
I've decided not to put all my eggs in his basket and see him when he's in town but ONLY if I don't have other plans. He is fun to hang out with and I do care about his well being. Like you, I can't be sure if he loves me or not. I'll just enjoy his company and the fun we have knowing that a full-on relationship will not ensue. It's not a FWB situation, so I won't have those ties to break free from.
Any other words of advice you want to offer are welcomed!
Yes, Tiki! He's on medication. He told me the first time we met that he had a book I'm bipolar he wanted me to read. I've never remembered to ask about it again.
Also, I think you misread my comment about "put more investment into him than he's putting into me." My thought is that I won't be investing. I will mirror his actions and see what happens.
Do you think there's a chance he's hoping I'll end the relationship so he won't have to?
Also, I think you misread my comment about "put more investment into him than he's putting into me." My thought is that I won't be investing. I will mirror his actions and see what happens.
Do you think there's a chance he's hoping I'll end the relationship so he won't have to?
Protect your mind, do not allow him to invade your thoughts with his stuff. He'll say you're needy or point out flaws possibly but don't own it. You have flaws but your flaws should not be an excuse as to why he's not available.
Bipolar people have a way of seeping into a persons soul and sometimes scarring a person for life, yes it's extreme statement but it's also a truth.
Bipolar men have all kinds of defense mechanisms to avoid intimacy b/c what they seek is conflict, create conflict which is connected to his mental instability.
The biggest most important thing you can do for YOU is learn about how this disease can affect you and how to protect yourself from his highs and lows. It's really important that you educate yourself or you'll learn the hard way by default.
I personally would say get out now but some women are attracted to mystery and danger but whatever you do be careful, don't own his observations unless it's true. Beware of gaslighting behavior, crazymaking behavior.
These kind of relationships don't typically end well. The good part is he's medicated (hopefully he's being honest about that). The bad part is everything is revolved around him and his mental illness.
He did this because he's mentally ill, he said that because he's mentally ill, no accountability b/c he's mentally ill, it gets old real fast b/c the woman, the mentally healthy person in the dynamic gets lost in the other person as to where she doesn't exist and only exist to revolve herself around him and his Bipolar disease.
You can date him but just know what you're getting into first...
Bipolar people have a way of seeping into a persons soul and sometimes scarring a person for life, yes it's extreme statement but it's also a truth.
Bipolar men have all kinds of defense mechanisms to avoid intimacy b/c what they seek is conflict, create conflict which is connected to his mental instability.
The biggest most important thing you can do for YOU is learn about how this disease can affect you and how to protect yourself from his highs and lows. It's really important that you educate yourself or you'll learn the hard way by default.
I personally would say get out now but some women are attracted to mystery and danger but whatever you do be careful, don't own his observations unless it's true. Beware of gaslighting behavior, crazymaking behavior.
These kind of relationships don't typically end well. The good part is he's medicated (hopefully he's being honest about that). The bad part is everything is revolved around him and his mental illness.
He did this because he's mentally ill, he said that because he's mentally ill, no accountability b/c he's mentally ill, it gets old real fast b/c the woman, the mentally healthy person in the dynamic gets lost in the other person as to where she doesn't exist and only exist to revolve herself around him and his Bipolar disease.
You can date him but just know what you're getting into first...
Thanks, Tiki! This really makes sense.
For now, I'm busy with other things in my life. When he comes to town, I enjoy hanging out with him. Since his comment about "I don't care if you see other people," there won't be intimacy between us. That should be his first indicator that this isn't working for me.
Strange as it may sound, I want him to be the one to break things off. I don't want to play with his feelings, but the point he breaks things off is the point where I let him in on just how much I already know about him that he hasn't told me. Research is my passion, you see.
I am seeing other people now and then. I've stopped focusing on him and appreciate the clear perspective that you have given me. I'm educated and saw the red flags--I just think the rose-colored glasses I've been wearing toward this younger man who was enamored with me are smudged a bit!
Love will find me. I just need to "chill" and let it work its magic!!
For now, I'm busy with other things in my life. When he comes to town, I enjoy hanging out with him. Since his comment about "I don't care if you see other people," there won't be intimacy between us. That should be his first indicator that this isn't working for me.
Strange as it may sound, I want him to be the one to break things off. I don't want to play with his feelings, but the point he breaks things off is the point where I let him in on just how much I already know about him that he hasn't told me. Research is my passion, you see.
I am seeing other people now and then. I've stopped focusing on him and appreciate the clear perspective that you have given me. I'm educated and saw the red flags--I just think the rose-colored glasses I've been wearing toward this younger man who was enamored with me are smudged a bit!
Love will find me. I just need to "chill" and let it work its magic!!
"Since his comment about "I don't care if you see other people,"
If he said it believe him. A man that want you all for himself wouldn't say that to you.
"Strange as it may sound, I want him to be the one to break things off. I don't want to play with his feelings, but the point he breaks things off is the point where I let him in on just how much I already know about him that he hasn't told me. Research is my passion, you see."
Trust me on this one, DO NOT get caught up on this break off thing with him. He's not going to break it off unless he see some source of victory from it but for the most part he's content leaving it open with you because he may not want you today or tomorrow but the option to have you in the future is possible if the ending is open.
"I am seeing other people now and then. I've stopped focusing on him and appreciate the clear perspective that you have given me. I'm educated and saw the red flags--I just think the rose-colored glasses I've been wearing toward this younger man who was enamored with me are smudged a bit!"
The rose colored glasses must be on in order for him to be seen as NORMAL. He is not a normal person mentally which is why it's important to groom a woman during the initial getting to know one another stage in order to ensure he comes across as PERFECT and what you'll find is he's anything but perfect but by the time you notice it's too late, you're in love and he gets a pass on his mental illness, what a woman see as challenging behavior that she must conquer or get around to have a relationship with him is really his mentally ill pathology displaying itself.
Instead of a woman saying to herself something is not right, something is wrong with him, instead she blames herself and never holds him accountable. Why? Because he's perfect.
He's shown you and demonstrated to you he's normal so now you're holding the bag, his and hers, never taking into consideration he's the mentally ill one in the dynamic. Huge mistake and I saw you doing that when you owned his assessment of you being the needy, clingy one, don't own that unless it's true and even if it's true don't allow him to control you, keep you in line with his flaw radar. Bipolar men have this way of using a woman's flaws to shut her up.
"Love will find me. I just need to "chill" and let it work its magic!!
Yes! The perfect attitude to have. Take your time.
If he said it believe him. A man that want you all for himself wouldn't say that to you.
"Strange as it may sound, I want him to be the one to break things off. I don't want to play with his feelings, but the point he breaks things off is the point where I let him in on just how much I already know about him that he hasn't told me. Research is my passion, you see."
Trust me on this one, DO NOT get caught up on this break off thing with him. He's not going to break it off unless he see some source of victory from it but for the most part he's content leaving it open with you because he may not want you today or tomorrow but the option to have you in the future is possible if the ending is open.
"I am seeing other people now and then. I've stopped focusing on him and appreciate the clear perspective that you have given me. I'm educated and saw the red flags--I just think the rose-colored glasses I've been wearing toward this younger man who was enamored with me are smudged a bit!"
The rose colored glasses must be on in order for him to be seen as NORMAL. He is not a normal person mentally which is why it's important to groom a woman during the initial getting to know one another stage in order to ensure he comes across as PERFECT and what you'll find is he's anything but perfect but by the time you notice it's too late, you're in love and he gets a pass on his mental illness, what a woman see as challenging behavior that she must conquer or get around to have a relationship with him is really his mentally ill pathology displaying itself.
Instead of a woman saying to herself something is not right, something is wrong with him, instead she blames herself and never holds him accountable. Why? Because he's perfect.
He's shown you and demonstrated to you he's normal so now you're holding the bag, his and hers, never taking into consideration he's the mentally ill one in the dynamic. Huge mistake and I saw you doing that when you owned his assessment of you being the needy, clingy one, don't own that unless it's true and even if it's true don't allow him to control you, keep you in line with his flaw radar. Bipolar men have this way of using a woman's flaws to shut her up.
"Love will find me. I just need to "chill" and let it work its magic!!
Yes! The perfect attitude to have. Take your time.
Tiki: I just spoke with my friend who is a well-known psychic in our area. She has been working with me and on my guy for several months. She can feel something dark around him, and she knows it's his illness (bipolar). She has been 100% correct on everything she's told me so far, even predicting that I would meet him while I was at the beach!
Her words to me, repeatedly, have been "I can feel how deeply he loves you and I've told you I can see him in your far future." I'm not sure how she does it, but I know she's the reason he called and apologized to me after saying some horrible things to me a month ago. He is a very proud male Virgo and NEVER apologizes, because he's never wrong...lol.
The bipolar makes me wary, yes. I'm just not ready to give up on him yet. I won't let him hurt me and I won't continue in this relationship with those damned rose-colored glasses. I'm aware and I'm getting educated! Found an awesome site that specifically deals with bipolar people in relationships, and it is FULL of great information.
Today, it's been two weeks since I've heard from my guy. He has told me he appreciates my patience. Maybe I'm stupid and maybe I'm a softie, but I feel that everybody deserves to be loved. My psychic friend has told me that "he has never been loved so deeply be anybody before, until you." I accept him the way he is. He has told me things that should have curled my fingernails, and I've just taken it all in stride. He has emphasized some of the worst things, and I just go along with him and say "so?" I don't think he can believe that someone could accept him so completely, even as "broken" as he feels about himself. Isn't that what love is all about?
I just wanted to post this update to let you know that I am patiently waiting for him. I'm enjoying my family and friends and want to accept him with open arms when he comes back. I'm not a quitter!!!!
Her words to me, repeatedly, have been "I can feel how deeply he loves you and I've told you I can see him in your far future." I'm not sure how she does it, but I know she's the reason he called and apologized to me after saying some horrible things to me a month ago. He is a very proud male Virgo and NEVER apologizes, because he's never wrong...lol.
The bipolar makes me wary, yes. I'm just not ready to give up on him yet. I won't let him hurt me and I won't continue in this relationship with those damned rose-colored glasses. I'm aware and I'm getting educated! Found an awesome site that specifically deals with bipolar people in relationships, and it is FULL of great information.
Today, it's been two weeks since I've heard from my guy. He has told me he appreciates my patience. Maybe I'm stupid and maybe I'm a softie, but I feel that everybody deserves to be loved. My psychic friend has told me that "he has never been loved so deeply be anybody before, until you." I accept him the way he is. He has told me things that should have curled my fingernails, and I've just taken it all in stride. He has emphasized some of the worst things, and I just go along with him and say "so?" I don't think he can believe that someone could accept him so completely, even as "broken" as he feels about himself. Isn't that what love is all about?
I just wanted to post this update to let you know that I am patiently waiting for him. I'm enjoying my family and friends and want to accept him with open arms when he comes back. I'm not a quitter!!!!
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