virgos and pickyness

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by catherinecancerian on Monday, March 12, 2007 and has 138 replies.
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guys have to tick a certain amount of boxes for me to even consider developing an interest in them... and if one manages to tick all of the boxes (which is rare) i inevitably deem them to be 'too good' for me, which is errr... a problem. hahaha!
so i tend to go for guys who are in some way out of my reach. i think i then unknowingly idealise them and thus become infatuated. a friend of mine observed that this might be because i subconsciously fear commitment; that i choose to be interested in the 'unobtainable' to avoid hurt.
that might be the case, or it might be that i really just won't settle for anyone less than my idea of near-perfection. WHY DO I DO THIS? i am in no way perfect myself!
also, if the object of my desire does happen to show an interest in me, i am prone to over-analysing/criticising them to the point where i am no longer attracted to them. am i running away?
so is this my virgo rising coming in to play? i know you guys are supposed to be perfectionists.
or am i just plain MENTAL? rrrrrrrrargh!
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lmfao!
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hmmm i just wanna clarify that i'm not being demanding...at least that's not how i interpret my behaviour. it's kinda the opposite. i tend to only like those who i think are unobtainable, i tend to just admire them from afar...i'm too scared to 'demand' them because i don't feel adequate enough to do so! so there's no risk involved.
i either criticise and scrutinize a guy, or i completely idealise them! i can't find a happy medium and i guess i'm trying to work out why this is.
i hope i didn't come across as arrogant in the first post!
:s
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hahaha you crack me up!
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I never understood why women think it's adorable to be treated like shit by a man .. but, for some reason they do .. Catherine, he's being serious .. this is how he views females .. women flock to him like he's a God-send and I've no clue why.
Thank God I finally snapped out of it ..
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branh,
to 'crack up' is to erupt in to laughter. i didn't realise it was a british term! i am now amused by your assumption that it meant 'turned on'.
p-angel,
maybe i am some kind of masochist. 'nice' guys make me feel icky. maybe it stems from low self-esteem, maybe some women subconsciously think they deserve to be treated like crap. it's f'ing weird!
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Well, then .. nevermind .. he was right .. sorry for the intrusion.
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no i still disagree with his views on females! that we all typically demand more than we're worth? pfff!
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well i've met a nice guy, who happens to be a virguy. not a kitty that i am repulsed by, but a nice guy. i haven't played any head games with him, i've made most of the moves and i've let him know i like him and that's that. he hasn't treated me badly, but he's giving me the run around for whatever reason. to be honest, i actually think if i'd played head games with him i'd have had a lot more success. typical!
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oh and bran, stop stereotyping women and good luck with the studying. i don't bicker.
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yeah thank you it does make some sense. i need to snap out of it but i'm not sure how to take control really. you like who you like, you know? :s
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see, this is the problem! you can't win. guys tend to de-value you if you make too much effort, but they complain if you play mind games i.e. pretending to make less effort than you're actually making.
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i love to hate them.
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so maybe on some level we all reject people who like us? it's like "you like me? there must be something wrong with you? i must be able to do better"
wtf?!
i personally don't play head games when i genuinely like someone, but i'm starting to think i should.
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Being macho can be sexy .. being naughty is sexy .. acting like a 'bad boy' is definitely sexy ..
.. having a man treat you like a bitch who needs to be slapped is dispicable.
Perspective is altered .. fix that and perhaps you won't have this dilemna.
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archer: "now playing games is something i need to learn... explain wht you mean by games??"
by head games i mean, keep them guessing...being purposefully inconsistent so that they don't know where the fck they stand. i never do this with guys i genuinely like but i have been known to subconsciously do it with guys i'm not sure whether i'm interested in. and it seems to keep them interested, which is not always a good thing :s
and no worries for 'littering' the thread...i enjoyed the banter. shame i wasn't online to stick my oar in.

p-angel: "Being macho can be sexy .. being naughty is sexy .. acting like a 'bad boy' is definitely sexy ..
.. having a man treat you like a cookiemonster who needs to be slapped is dispicable.
Perspective is altered .. fix that and perhaps you won't have this dilemna."
hmmm...i feel like i might have accidentally given you the impression that i really do have heavily mascohistic tendencies in a relationship...haha. i do like nice guys, just not 'kitties' as bran calls them. i was saying that some women do think they deserve to be treated like crap which is weird; i wasn't implying i was one of those women. i do need to be kept on my toes is all. and intitally, if someone seems to be falling for me quickly without really knowing me, it makes me doubt them in some way.

archer: "no we don't"
yes guys do, in my experience at least. and that's all i really have to go by.

dyrstr8z: yeah my initial instincts with the virguy were to be up-front/honest/consistent. he is the indirect/inconsistent one! i don't really feel like he's made enough effort to get to know me to be able to analyse whether he should pursue me. he just randomly shows a little interest and then fcks off again.
"Most of the Virgos I know don't "aim too high" in the dating game; in fact, we tend to underestimate our worth / attractiveness to the opposite sex - at least in our youth"
i read somewhere that virgos all seem to be looking for someone who's everything they're not, but will probably settle for someone safe or familiar (but always feel haunted that they somehow missed the boat)
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catherine: i don't really feel like he's made enough effort to get to know me to be able to analyse whether he should pursue me. he just randomly shows a little interest and then fcks off again.
Hi Catherine,
I am a cancer girl who fell for a virgo not too long ago. I understand so well what you're saying. My virguy was exactly the same. He showed a little bit of interest and then backed off immediately after I reciprocated his interest. At first, I thought, okay he's a shy guy (and he admitted being one) and I just have to be patient with him. Reading lots of posts here, I said to myself, ok he's a virgo. It's in his nature to display this yo-yo behavior. He has feelings for me, so he needs to analyze. Blah blah blah...
You know how long this whole thing lasted? 4 freaking months and still counting...
Being a crab, I chose to trust my instincts. And my instincts were telling me that he had feelings for me. Either they were wrong this time or he is totally fucked up. I don't know! All I know is that I ended up being hurt really deep. I'm still trying to recover. Last time I emailed him he replied with just a short sentence. That's when I decided to forget about him forever. I started acting cool. I think he is very confused now. You know what he did last time I saw him? We were standing across each other on opposite sides of a road and he kept staring at me for a loooong time. I thought he was trying to tell me something with his stare. But then I remembered, if I fall for his "games" again, he'll do the same thing: he'll start acting aloof and uninterested and my heart will be broken for yet another time. I'm not going to fall for that again!
Long story short: for your own sake, please think twice, three times and perhaps more before you decide to actively pursue this guy. He WILL act weird one way or the other. You WILL feel rejected one way or the other.
Sometimes reading these posts abot the virguys and their virgic behavior can give you false hopes. I do not doubt the good intentions of these people who are telling you that it's normal for a virgo guy to act this way, but it just doesn't hold for all the virguys out there.
Just my two cents. Good luck with whichever way you decide to take...
FFV

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FFV,
i am totally with you on this. i am not actively pursuing him, i've backed off. in the last period of my backing off before i started approaching him again...he would just stare at me for half the night across a room in the club we both frequent. i guarantee this will happen again. i don't understand the staring, does it imply interest? fck knows!
i have now analysed male virgo behaviour (through this site) to the extent that i've lost all sense of perspective on reality! so yeah i'm trying not to give myself false hope.
plus my phone was stolen along with his number...meaning he is no longer able to contact me and if he does (which he probably won't) then he'll think i'm ignoring him. so there's just an even bigger communication issue now...it's just a whole calamity of consequences. fate is against us. although i'm not sure if i believe in fate. mehhhhh. i don't know what the fck to think. i think i should just fck off.
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I spent so many hours of my life trying to figure out why he was acting the way he was. When I first found this site, it was like I had found tons of gold. I was so happy that I could finally understand his behavior. I got really good advice and I think almost all the advice helped me a lot but they were not enough to change the end result: a huge disappointed on my part. I think nothing other than the virguy himself could change the result.
His staring would have implied his interest was he not a virgo. Being a virgo, it could imply so many things...
An important things is their age, as Dy likes to emphasize occasionally. Mine is 26, you would expect someone at his age to act more mature, right? I guess it takes longer for most virguys to mature up... If yours is anything below 30, it might have to do with his maturity level. Either you wait until he matures up and just spend more time on the internet trying to figure out what his stare means, or... you know. I chose the second option! LOL!
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yeah i think i'm gonna end up going for the 2nd option. i am *this* close. if nothing progresses/becomes clear next time i see him, then i am going to start erasing him from my brain.
i am 21 and he is 23, which is young i know...but he's been in a 6 year relationship so he must be mature on that level in some way.
what else could his staring imply, do you think?
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You might be someone that is hard to understand, and he might just be trying to figure you out by analyzing you. In order to analyze, he has to observe, to observe he has to stare. This is some kind of interest, but not the kind you're hoping him to have I don't think.
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For example, my virguy stares at me whenever I have a conversation with someone in his presence. It's like he's trying to see my reaction to what I hear, how I respond, how I act in general. Do I get annoyed quickly? Am I easy going? Stuff like that.
For a long time, I thought he did this because he was interested in me romantically. Now I think that he finds me "fascinating" in some sense, so he wants to analyze me but he is not necessarily intereted in me so as to start a romantic affair with me.
Does what I say make sense?
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yeah. one night when he did this i decided to flirt with every male in the vicinity whilst he watched on. probably a bad idea but i was hoping it would make him buck up his ideas, ya know? it was my way of saying "I AM VERY BUSY AND IMPORTANT AND IF YOU DON'T SNAP ME UP SOMEONE ELSE WILL!" which he probably interpreted as "she's a tease, i'm just another on the list" or something which is just greeeat. serves me right for acting like a dick when i'm drunk.
i am a very animated drunk (i am invariably somewhat drunk in the club we both frequent) and i tend to flutter about the place (being a regular i know a lot of people in there) so maybe he finds me interesting to watch, i dunno. maybe he is still trying to work me out...if so, what a fcktard. he'd gain a lot more insight in to my personality if he actually COMMUNICATED with me. i guess that's where his shyness comes in.
last time i saw him out (bout a week and a half ago) i decided to approach him before the whole staring thing had a chance to begin. the conversation was slightly forced, i guess because the situation had become awkward and there were so many things uncertain between us. by the end of the night we had both ended up on the dancefloor and he kissed me...for like 10 minutes. and then had to go. and then i didn't hear from him.
wtf. i'm soooo confuuuuused!
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"Sometimes reading these posts abot the virguys and their virgic behavior can give you false hopes."

Depends on who you are listening to, doesn't it?
Just remember .. just because someone isn't talking in a tone you don't like, doesn't mean what they are saying is false .. people usually only listen to sweet-talkers because it sounds good.
Sweet talkers = bullshitters
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antibling,
*sigh* you make a fair point. i'm not really in to drama and attention, in my own drunken way i was trying to urge him to get his arse in to gear or something. i know i made a mistake, and it was stupid and immature. he was acting weird before that though. oh i dunno.
p-angel,
i don't think FFV is implying that it's full of sweet talking people pleasing bullshitters here...but that although the posts on here about virgoan behaviour etc are insightful, maybe they unintentionally gives us false hope, in that we end up rationalising a guy's behaviour because of the nature of their star sign. for example, a virguy might display yoyo behvaiour and this site will encourage us to read in to it as being part of his virgo nature; he's working us out, he will open up in time etc. when really if he's not paying consistent attention then he might just not be interested romantically at all. like FFV said "it's normal for a virgo guy to act this way, but it just doesn't hold for all the virguys out there" so really it's the nature of star signs that gives us false hope. does that make sense?
i'm not very articulate but that that's what i thought she meant anyway.
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antibling,
do you reckon my behaviour is beyond redemption now?
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Just don't think about it..your going to drive yourself cuckoo...virgo are all clones of the original apparantly..
Go with the flow..am sure if he likes you he'll be back..which applies to all male species...
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i already am cuckoo...there's not going back now. lol.
of all the signs i've dealt with romantically, virgo is the most confusing. more so than gemini, and that's quite a feat!
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They're just confused full stop..let them be...
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Catherine: i'm not very articulate but that that's what i thought she meant anyway.
That is exactly what I meant, hon.
P-angel, I believe that there is always a polite and nice way of telling the truth. You don't have to hurt someone for that! And in most cases the nice way works much better...
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"I believe that there is always a polite and nice way of telling the truth. You don't have to hurt someone for that! And in most cases the nice way works much better..."
Agreed, FFV .. however, if someone is diefying themselves or another .. is that telling the truth?
If someone is being hurt .. what the hell difference does it make if it's said or nicely or harshly?
Does being nice make the pain go away that someone falsely led another?
"Sometimes reading these posts abot the virguys and their virgic behavior can give you false hopes. I do not doubt the good intentions of these people who are telling you that it's normal for a virgo guy to act this way, but it just doesn't hold for all the virguys out there."

For most people .. the wind just blows and blows and that's all they can see, hear or smell .. it's WHAT the wind is blowing, not THAT the wind is blowing.
Perspective is altered .. fix that .. that is where the dilemna lies .. truth lies within the self .. not from anothers POV.

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p-angel: "truth lies within the self .. not from anothers POV"
so true. this is a problem when one gives their perspective on a situation and asks for advice. but if one's perspective is all wrong to begin with and they've overlooked or neglected to mention certain information about the situation, then...one is fcked. the advice they seek becomes somewhat worthless.
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Perspective comes from mental wellbeing...if someone is screwed up anyway, there perspective is hardly going to shine...
You have to I guess just go with your own instincts..
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their*
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So true .. and most of the time, when people come in here .. we really only hear one side of a situation, for even if the other side is accounted for .. it's from this one-sided perspective and not the other's.
Just like reading something .. 10 readers, 10 different messages.
In the end .. it's like MM said, "go with your own instincts"
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If the man is not compatiable .. then, really it's irrelevant as to what anybody else has to say about his Sun Sign .. because we all experience life differently.
My take on my particular Virgo in my life is extremely different than from say MM's, or Archers experiences .. yet, thier sign is the same ..
.. doesn't really matter, does it? It's perspective .. if it's altered, then it needs to be fixed .. meaning, don't look at another's, rather, your own.
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"do you honestly thought for a minute that they go by what the dxpiers tell them"

Unfortunately, Archer .. yes.
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Altered perspectives are great on drugs, eh?
The wine kind of altering is one of my best friends .. Tongue
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to paradise, esctasy .. eternal bliss of continuous "O"'s.
Rolling along ..
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arms stretched along the luxurious sand, as the cool splash sprays against the heated points .. steam rising
the waves pounding .. a feverish throb engulfs the once tingling nub of the womanly essence .. the groaning of the crest as it releases the tide held in rapture
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sinking into the golden pebbles .. all fear and doubt runs away like a river to the sea
the sun embraces you with warm desire .. hairs stand up in anticipation as the passionate sea rears up for another break against the softness of the tender shore
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a rattling inside the wake of the urgent wind rising above the moistness to take another plunge .. threatens an approching storm of release ..
.. the earth moans as it absorbs the fluid into it's realm of eternal fire
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the heart beating furiously with the flapping of the seagulls above in the glistening of the moon rising in the horizon ..
.. the tide rushes away .. the waters lowering it's approach .. a gentle tickling sensation as the soft foam barely flickers against swollen beach
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the satisfied sun sunken into his domain of hidden fire under the folds of the wetness of his exhilerated land and sea as they melded together in unison ..
full darkness quietly ushers in .. full moon high above in her moment of esctasy
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shakily sitting up, nearly spent ..
.. in the distance, a lone rock stands tall
.. half-lidded eyes become fully erect as the coolness surrounds the body as it swims to the tower of stone just off-shore .. the clouds clear, venus smiles in a shroud of delight as she's uncovered .. mars awaits with firm anticipation
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the sound of the water crashing against the earth can no longer be heard .. the air pushes the fire up it's long spiral into a realm of celestial mystery ..
.. a pulling can be felt inbetween the seam of planets, as the tight dance of stars hastens in their rotation
.. a black whole can be seen .. mars yearns to be released from the tight grip of it's ecliptic path and be swallowed within its depth ..
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Saturn surrounds her rings around the shaft of the magnitude .. Neptune is held at bay, who dreams of spinning an enchantment on the Milky Way ..
.. the deep hole is drawing him in .. a forceful suction promising paradise on the other side in a galaxy of hedonic bliss .. Mars fears falling into the web of Venus's entrapment, as his place within the cosmos closer tighter around him .. pulling him into a world of deception ..
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Mercury's screams of rational thought goes unheard ..
.. Phobos and Diemos take one last spin before they become sightless .. Venus's tugging on the spine of his foundation, as she squeezes his orbs is causing him to have volcanic ruptures .. he's going to give in to her .. he's going to be sucked down into the belly of her eternal torture ..
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I'm supposed to be painting right now .. tell me to shut up and I will ..
Who got me here? Archer?
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phoning is out of the question...my phone was stolen. i no longer have his number. it's pretty hilarious really.
i will just have to wait until next time i see him penetrating me with his stupid fcking stares.
he's not gay. i can tell by the way he kisses me that he's definitely physically attracted to me...maybe he just doesn't percieve me to me compatible otherwise, even though he once confessed to liking me a lot. maybe he changed his opinion, maybe he doesn't want a relationship right now.
maybemaybemaybemaybemaybe!
maybe he's just a fcktard.
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