How is my Capricorn boyfriend so incredibly messy???

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by HouseTwelverGem on Friday, May 22, 2020 and has 34 replies.
At first glance, you would think I'm the messy one.

Gemini Sun, Sag moon, Cancer Venus (collector of things lol), with a 12th & 5th house stellium.

He has Cap sun (conjunct Neptune 0 degrees though), Cap moon, Libra rising, Pluto and Saturn in his 1st house. However one of our biggest struggles in living together is how incredibly messy (and somewhat lazy) he is.

A shoe could be on the kitchen counter for 2 months and it wouldn't bother him one bit (I've tried just leaving things to test this...). When he cooks it looks like a bomb went off in our kitchen. There is stuff everywhere it is not supposed to be and I have tried everything. It drives me insane, and I'm not super organized but I can't stand clutter or uncleanliness.

I'll gladly take any advice LOL but more importantly, I'm so confused from an astrological perspective. I think capricorns are often mistaken like Virgos to be super clean people (especially the men... I know many messy Virgos) but I would think with all this Saturn and Pluto influence, he would be at least SOMEWHAT orderly or clean. With speaking to his mom, it seems he was never that way either. He's a Marine veteran and a firefighter. All signs point to orderly, yet that couldn't be farther from the reality.

He has sun, moon, Jupiter, Neptune stellium in the third house in Capricorn. Venus & Mars in Aquarius (4th & 5th house respectively).

Any thoughts?
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Posted by HouseTwelverGem

(I've tried just leaving things to test this...)

Any thoughts?
Maybe he's also testing you.
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Posted by Arielle83

Maybe his mind is scattered
I think it is! His third house stellium could account for that. I just always thought so much Saturn would focus him, and his libra rising would like his surroundings to look beautiful.
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Posted by Scheherazade

You should make a chart of what needs to be done.

However I do think whoever doesn’t cook should clean. To distribute labor.

Is it mostly clutter or is it just dirty?
We have a weekly chore chart, and he ignores it whenever he can. I am not his mom so I hate reinforcing it but I have to remind him even though its on a whiteboard on our fridge. He has improved in the recent months because I made it very clear that I could not live in a house like this. Relationships are as much logistics as they are love! (why do I sound like the Cappy here... haha) But it is so second nature for him to leave shit everywhere and he has to REALLY try to be somewhat clutter free.

It's mostly clutter, if he cleans he will do the bare minimum so it's not dirty (mop, wipe down counters, vacuum, dishes). However there is stuff everywhere, complete lack of organization, and he destroys whatever room he enters hahaha
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Posted by F0RTUNA

A shoe on the kitchen counter? Disgusting. 🤮
Haha that was a made-up example! But there will be belts left on the kitchen counter, leaves clothes on the bathroom floor even after I put a basket in there for his clothes, leaves his car tools in my office, on every table in the house, shoes everywhere, clothes everywhere, his work bag left on the living room floor, etc etc. It's not even an "organized chaos" that some call it. He can never find anything! Haha

I agree about the blowing up the kitchen. I don't get it. 90% of the time, I make food and just clean up as I go. We all have our days we are tired, but EVERY TIME it stays a mess for at least the rest of the day, if not a few days until I get so fed up I just put everything away myself. If I was a housewife, I wouldn't mind reorganizing the house every few days. But we are both working and split everything evenly. I just never thought someone with a Cap stellium would have this issue
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by HouseTwelverGem
Posted by Arielle83

Maybe his mind is scattered


I think it is! His third house stellium could account for that. I just always thought so much Saturn would focus him, and his libra rising would like his surroundings to look beautiful.


If your mind is scattered, you can’t clean your room.
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Lovely observation. Thank you for that perspective!
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mine is super clean

but i know one capricorn with mushroom growing in his shower
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I’m thinking you might wanna use cat piss and cigarettes to get the smell of him out of your house
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Posted by F0RTUNA

This is funny. A cap man (Capinc) made a thread about his Gemini gf, pretty much the opposite of this thread, where his Gemini gf left clutter everywhere and he wanted to live a minimalist and organized life. I don’t remember their other placements.
Hahaha! That makes more sense from an astrological perspective! That's why I'm stumped. I think his Sun/Neptune exact conjunction makes him quite a... chaotic, creative soul, whereas I'm more of an orderly creative type. LOL IDK
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Posted by KimboSlice

I’m thinking you might wanna use cat piss and cigarettes to get the smell of him out of your house
Yikes
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Have him pay for a weekly cleaning service. Problem solved ✔️
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Posted by _Dazed
Posted by HouseTwelverGem (I've tried just leaving things to test this...)

Any thoughts?


Maybe he's also testing you.
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Maybe! I have stopped doing that though. I told him that I had tested him because I had friends recommend me to just leave things around until he picks it up. It didn't work on him, he just never picked up, lol... so since then I've taken a more direct approach which is my style anyways. That has worked better but its still a problem.

The thing that bothers me is that I don't believe you can change people by telling them to just change. He needs to WANT it. I would like him to see the positive aspects of participating in a clean and clutter-free household. So idk.
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Posted by LadyNeptune

Have him pay for a weekly cleaning service. Problem solved ✔️
Thanks for your advice! We did do biweekly cleanings for a while.

Cleaning service doesn't pick up the clutter and organize though, which is his problem. He will mop, vacuum, etc but just leaves random stuff all over the house in all the wrong spots and then can never find it meanwhile I'm running around all day trying to put things back where they belong. It's tiring.
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Posted by Scheherazade

Maybe it’s time to move out LOL
HAHAHA! Ugh! Trust me it has come up many times. I adore him though, this is our biggest issue.
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Y’all should be a team in the kitchen. If he’s cooking you clean up. That’s how we do it.

I guess weigh out what else he brings to the table. Does he take out the trash? Does he play handyman in the house? Does he cover more than 50% of the bills and rent/mortgage.

Everything is give and take, but not always balanced.

If you can find that balance then having to clean up after him on occasion will smart less if he’s, for example, changing your oil
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Posted by Scheherazade
Posted by HouseTwelverGem
Posted by Scheherazade

You should make a chart of what needs to be done.

However I do think whoever doesn’t cook should clean. To distribute labor.

Is it mostly clutter or is it just dirty?


We have a weekly chore chart, and he ignores it whenever he can. I am not his mom so I hate reinforcing it but I have to remind him even though its on a whiteboard on our fridge. He has improved in the recent months because I made it very clear that I could not live in a house like this. Relationships are as much logistics as they are love! (why do I sound like the Cappy here... haha) But it is so second nature for him to leave shit everywhere and he has to REALLY try to be somewhat clutter free.

It's mostly clutter, if he cleans he will do the bare minimum so it's not dirty (mop, wipe down counters, vacuum, dishes). However there is stuff everywhere, complete lack of organization, and he destroys whatever room he enters hahaha


Maybe he just needs a spot for everything? Do you have enough storage? Is he buying a lot of stuff?

The Marie Kondo method as cheesy as it is helped me a lot so it may work for him.
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He doesn't buy a ton of random stuff (that's actually more me, I just keep it organized) but whatever he does own just never stays in any one spot. Clothes are a big thing and so I put a laundry basket in the room, the bathroom, and the laundry room next to the kitchen so at least he can throw his clothes in there. They end up on the ground next to each basket. HAHAHA I can't make this stuff up!

We have discussed buying a bigger home so that he can have his "man cave" and keep his clutter in his own space where it won't drive me insane smile
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Posted by HouseTwelverGem
Posted by LadyNeptune

Have him pay for a weekly cleaning service. Problem solved ✔️


Thanks for your advice! We did do biweekly cleanings for a while.

Cleaning service doesn't pick up the clutter and organize though, which is his problem. He will mop, vacuum, etc but just leaves random stuff all over the house in all the wrong spots and then can never find it meanwhile I'm running around all day trying to put things back where they belong. It's tiring.
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Lol get a puppy. Everything within reach will become a chew toy. After he has to replace the 3rd pair of shoes guarantee he starts paying attention to where he drops his shit.
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Posted by F0RTUNA

Do you think it was the way he grew up? Did someone else clean up after him? I think he failed to learn self care skills if he is leaving clothes everywhere, messes in the kitchen, and carelessly leaving his tools about.
Yeah I definitely agree with that! And Capricorn moon has a hard time outgrowing their early home life environment. Yet their emotional journey is definitely meant for getting away from that! His parent's house is very similar - they keep it clean enough but it's way too cluttered. I have an inkling that his ex wife, a Taurus, was also more domesticated than I am and POSSIBLY didn't give him as much crap for cleaning. I love being at home but my sun is in the 10th house!
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A bigger home is a great idea. Try for one with 2 master suites so you can both have your little oasis away from or within the chaos.
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Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by HouseTwelverGem
Posted by LadyNeptune

Have him pay for a weekly cleaning service. Problem solved ✔️


Thanks for your advice! We did do biweekly cleanings for a while.

Cleaning service doesn't pick up the clutter and organize though, which is his problem. He will mop, vacuum, etc but just leaves random stuff all over the house in all the wrong spots and then can never find it meanwhile I'm running around all day trying to put things back where they belong. It's tiring.


Lol get a puppy. Everything within reach will become a chew toy. After he has to replace the 3rd pair of shoes guarantee he starts paying attention to where he drops his shit.
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GIRL! You would think!! Hahaha!

We have two dogs, one I adopted and she is elderly and eats socks. It took over a YEAR of me asking him to be more careful because she kept eating his socks and I didn't want her to get hurt. I almost broke up with him because I told him now its not just my preference but literally for my beloved dog, and that must have scared him enough to pay more attention. His messiness is so hard-wired into him.
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Posted by HouseTwelverGem
Posted by KimboSlice

I’m thinking you might wanna use cat piss and cigarettes to get the smell of him out of your house


Yikes
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You could always leave out those training pads in the hallway for him instead
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Posted by LadyNeptune

Y’all should be a team in the kitchen. If he’s cooking you clean up. That’s how we do it.

I guess weigh out what else he brings to the table. Does he take out the trash? Does he play handyman in the house? Does he cover more than 50% of the bills and rent/mortgage.

Everything is give and take, but not always balanced.

If you can find that balance then having to clean up after him on occasion will smart less if he’s, for example, changing your oil
For sure!!!

My main reason for even posting is just more that I am perplexed at his chart placements not really indicating THIS level of messiness! Another poster talked about him having a scattered mind (3rd house stellium) which might be a huge factor. I just assumed that all the Capricorn and even Pluto in his first would add some orderliness. LOL
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Posted by LadyNeptune

A bigger home is a great idea. Try for one with 2 master suites so you can both have your little oasis away from or within the chaos.
Yes!!! You and I think alike! What are you placements out of curiosity?
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Posted by HouseTwelverGem
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by HouseTwelverGem
Posted by LadyNeptune

Have him pay for a weekly cleaning service. Problem solved ✔️


Thanks for your advice! We did do biweekly cleanings for a while.

Cleaning service doesn't pick up the clutter and organize though, which is his problem. He will mop, vacuum, etc but just leaves random stuff all over the house in all the wrong spots and then can never find it meanwhile I'm running around all day trying to put things back where they belong. It's tiring.


Lol get a puppy. Everything within reach will become a chew toy. After he has to replace the 3rd pair of shoes guarantee he starts paying attention to where he drops his shit.


GIRL! You would think!! Hahaha!

We have two dogs, one I adopted and she is elderly and eats socks. It took over a YEAR of me asking him to be more careful because she kept eating his socks and I didn't want her to get hurt. I almost broke up with him because I told him now its not just my preference but literally for my beloved dog, and that must have scared him enough to pay more attention. His messiness is so hard-wired into him.
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Oh no 😅

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Posted by HouseTwelverGem
Posted by LadyNeptune

A bigger home is a great idea. Try for one with 2 master suites so you can both have your little oasis away from or within the chaos.


Yes!!! You and I think alike! What are you placements out of curiosity?
click to expand


Pisces sun, Aries moon, cap mars

I think you gotta weigh in upbringing and a persons influences, not just Astro. The question of nurture vs nature, nurture always wins out.

He sounds like a dude who had his mom cleaning his room and doing his laundry until he moved out. And his ex-wife might have treated him the same.

It’s weird how some men still think of cooking and cleaning as solely female gender roles. Even subconsciously.

Just keep communicating how having a clean space is important to you and start looking at bigger houses.

Or get creative and do what they did aka a detached duplex

https://www.thespec.com/life/homes/2012/04/16/together-but-apart.html
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i'll come to your house and clean it for free
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Posted by virgoOPPP

i'll come to your house and clean it for free
Such a Virgo thing to say 😂
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Strong Neptune ... scattered
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. #1. Being messy (not dirty) - "If a messy desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what then is an empty desk a sign" - Albert Einstein. The people that I know that have a lot of books, art, pictures, and writings scattered about usually know where everything is.
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Structure and accountability. If that’s what worked for him in the past, try doing that in the home.
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Posted by Nightcap-

. #1. Being messy (not dirty) - "If a messy desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what then is an empty desk a sign" - Albert Einstein. The people that I know that have a lot of books, art, pictures, and writings scattered about usually know where everything is.
That’s the difference between me and my current Virgo roommate. I know where everything of mine is no matter what and I don’t necessarily keep everything in one place. He just loses everything and it drives me mad!!!! Mostly bc he gets frazzled looking for something and mad when I don’t help him look. Like what?! You should know best where to look, not me!!!!
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Posted by AbbyNormal
Posted by Nightcap-

. #1. Being messy (not dirty) - "If a messy desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what then is an empty desk a sign" - Albert Einstein. The people that I know that have a lot of books, art, pictures, and writings scattered about usually know where everything is.


That’s the difference between me and my current Virgo roommate. I know where everything of mine is no matter what and I don’t necessarily keep everything in one place. He just loses everything and it drives me mad!!!! Mostly bc he gets frazzled looking for something and mad when I don’t help him look. Like what?! You should know best where to look, not me!!!!
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Haha I have a Virgo housemate too. If she doesn't have everything written down or from her sending messages to herself on the answering machine, her anxiety ridden, tangential mind will forget which universe she's in 🌌😄. Me, I just catalogue it in my head and then recall.
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This sounds like the situation I had with my mother when we used to live together, I have Cancer Sun in 3rd house (Gemini dominant), she's a Capricorn Sun, Moon and Mercury. I'm the messy one, she is very organized. Right now, there is no space where to put your foot in my bedroom. Sorry, not sorry. I will be painstakingly cleaning and organizing everything tomorrow morning and by night.. is going to be like this again, is the neverending story. My mother always avoided getting anywhere near my bedroom to avoid raging and having a heart attack lol.

I can easily imagine a Cap having this problem depending on their chart configuration, my mother's problem is that she is too distracted and forgetful (Sun in 9th square Neptune). Can't drive to save her life, get lost easily, forget common words often, forget that which happened recently like how when after watching a movie she forgets what it was about, etc.

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Posted by Timon
Posted by F0RTUNA

A shoe on the kitchen counter? Disgusting. 🤮


I was thinking the same. 😱
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How could you live like that?

Ewwwww
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