Me and my Gemini...

This topic was created in the Gemini forum by jana33 on Saturday, May 23, 2020 and has 16 replies.
I am: Cancer Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Aquarius Rising, Venus Cancer (33 years old)

He is: Gemini Sun, Scorpio Moon, Libra Rising, Venus Taurus, Mars and Mercury in Cancer (46 years old)

HI guys,

I met my Gemini last year, he was going through some stuff with his ex (10 years together, 2 kids), he ended it and left 2 years ago as she cheated, they focus on kids now,

we connected fast, we talked for hours, had a lot of fun, we are both adventurous, he opened up to me a lot about his most private matters,

I wasnt sure about him but he was really pursing me, he was looking for stability and someone serious to be happy with, he was reassuring me a lot about that,

He was very invested, spent all his free time with me, always informing me about what hes doing, sending me tons of photos, even with his kids,

wanted to know everything about me, even visited me in a different country while I was away for work, flowers, gifts, etc.

He made plans with me for trips away and wanted me to meet his closest friends. It was great.

3 months in I was going through some stuff too, and I had bad situation with my job and I started to worry about my future,

I wasnt sure what to do next and started to talk to him about it, the cancer in me was looking for comfort I guess,

He felt overwhelmed and said he want to take things slow and he doesnt want to be stressed or pressured.

He was very supportive and patient, we had long conversations about it, gave me good advice,

he said that he just doesnt want to rush into anything just yet because we are getting to know each other (we talked about living together)

and that I have to be happy first with my life to be with him (which I understand) But at the time I wasnt reading about signs

and I didnt know how to understand him and his logic. I felt rejected and started pressuring him emotionally questioning his intentions towards me.

He completely back off and cut off connection after being in day to day , very close intimate contact for over 3 months, I was shocked.

But I stayed strong and gave him space, he said he feels confused and I seem to complicated for him (once I want to take it easy and then I talk about living together)

Its been almost 3 months of no contact now. I decided to reconnect to save this.

Its been hard as he was cold and distant, but I expressed my regret of how things ended in a very logical way, said I want to understand him and start over.

He said hes open to talk... since then the communication is on and off, most of the time I am initiating it. Hes reacting well when I talk to him about news topics and share information, or ask him for advice and opinion, but once I try to flirt or get more private hes overrating or shutting down.

Its been 3 weeks and we spoke only few times (only via chat) , I proposed a meeting (sushi together) but he ignored the question and changed the subject.

I feel there is a small progress but I struggle to understand him and his actions, he used to be so clear with me and devoted and loving, now feels like a stranger..

What is the best way I can approach this, I know it can be difficult but I care about this connection and want to give it best chance.

Thanks
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Hi there! I think the best way to approach is to get an interesting life and live it smile. From what you have said I see that now he is in control: you broke the silence first, try to initiate dialogues and so on, and he is kinda "allowing" you to chase him.

If you follow each other on Social Media, I would try to go out, look hot, post interesting places. Even if it does not work, sure thing it will increase your chances to find another romantic interest.
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Posted by Fanta

Something happened at this point...

"3 months in I was going through some stuff too, and I had bad situation with my job and I started to worry about my future,

I wasnt sure what to do next and started to talk to him about it, the cancer in me was looking for comfort I guess,

He felt overwhelmed and said he want to take things slow and he doesnt want to be stressed or pressured."

I don't want to guess what, because it would literally be guessing. Did you do something different than you'd previously done at this point? Was there an argument? Maybe things just got real for him at that point.
We had our first argument 2 months in, when he visited me in Switzerland for the weekend, it was a power struggle, he felt offended when I tried to be a bit dominant in bed, said im trying to boss him around, it was so strange, I cried and he shut down and didnt speak to me for 5 days. But then we talked about it and everything got back to normal, the second misunderstanding was this long conversation about living together, it was a respectful conversation, but I am very direct when I speak and he took it as me attacking him and pressuring him into something. I never met someone who literally runs away when theres a confrontation.

And guys, recently he wrote to me... 'I cant give you what you are looking for, I am not the man for you, I am not looking for ANY relationship now because I have to rearrange my whole life and I dont want to give you false hopes.'

His life was a mess when I met him and it never stopped him from chasing after me and even flying to another country and making all these plans, I guess he got scared of things getting more serious. I also have a feeling hes messed up by his past relationship (trust issues, overreacting, shutting down)

I didnt know how to handle him, now I know but seems like he doesnt want to give it a chance.

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Posted by Generous_Libra

He was married for 10 years and obviously didn't end well, he was stuck and now he's free he doesn't want anything to hold him back especially emotional reactions from other people.

Your intentions probably don't match right now, you do want to settle down eventually, he did that before I don't think he's gonna do it again any soon. It's hard for Geminis to commit again especially after a failed marriage.

I really don't think he's gonna give you what you want, don't try to pin him down, not fair for both of you.

Good luck.
Thats what he was telling me, he always said 'I dont want any stress in my life, I had too much of it in my marriage, I want harmony and balance, lets take things slow, I want something serious and stable but without any pressure and expectations'

Now I understand how to handle him, but seems its to late Sad

I stopped msging him 4 days ago and going to leave it until he wants to reach out.
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Posted by Aquarelle

Sorry to say but i think you were a nice distraction for him.....Ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship with someone who you struggle to understand and doesn't want to go on a date with you.

You put pressure on him while he told you not to and that's probably what alienated him from you. He knows he is not ready for something new, but you seem to have trouble understanding it.
Well all I can say is we just met and I thought in a process of getting to know each other we will have there triggers and things to balance between us, I have 6 fire in my chart, he has 3... he was telling me Im a bit intense for him...

I didnt pay attention to our signs before so I was lost and maybe a bit chaotic with my sagg moon and cancer emotions


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Posted by Fanta
Posted by jana33
Posted by Generous_Libra

He was married for 10 years and obviously didn't end well, he was stuck and now he's free he doesn't want anything to hold him back especially emotional reactions from other people.

Your intentions probably don't match right now, you do want to settle down eventually, he did that before I don't think he's gonna do it again any soon. It's hard for Geminis to commit again especially after a failed marriage.

I really don't think he's gonna give you what you want, don't try to pin him down, not fair for both of you.

Good luck.


Thats what he was telling me, he always said 'I dont want any stress in my life, I had too much of it in my marriage, I want harmony and balance, lets take things slow, I want something serious and stable but without any pressure and expectations'

Now I understand how to handle him, but seems its to late Sad

I stopped msging him 4 days ago and going to leave it until he wants to reach out.


He doesn't know what he wants. You can't have "serious and stable" without "pressure and expectations." He needs time to figure it out.
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Yea it looks like hes not sure what he wants, first he was saying he wants stable and serious, now he needs to rearrange his life...
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Posted by Fanta
Posted by jana33
Posted by Fanta
Posted by jana33
Posted by Generous_Libra

He was married for 10 years and obviously didn't end well, he was stuck and now he's free he doesn't want anything to hold him back especially emotional reactions from other people.

Your intentions probably don't match right now, you do want to settle down eventually, he did that before I don't think he's gonna do it again any soon. It's hard for Geminis to commit again especially after a failed marriage.

I really don't think he's gonna give you what you want, don't try to pin him down, not fair for both of you.

Good luck.


Thats what he was telling me, he always said 'I dont want any stress in my life, I had too much of it in my marriage, I want harmony and balance, lets take things slow, I want something serious and stable but without any pressure and expectations'

Now I understand how to handle him, but seems its to late Sad

I stopped msging him 4 days ago and going to leave it until he wants to reach out.


He doesn't know what he wants. You can't have "serious and stable" without "pressure and expectations." He needs time to figure it out.


Yea it looks like hes not sure what he wants, first he was saying he wants stable and serious, now he needs to rearrange his life...


He just got out of a 10-year marriage. That's probably going to take him longer to deal with than he thought it would
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Especially that his kids live in a different city, he was flying there once a week, and whenever his ex had emotional breakdown he had to drop everything and go there... he was saying to me he feels trapped and doesnt know how to manage this also running his business full time. He was saying 'I have not 2 but 3 kids, one adult'

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Posted by Generous_Libra
Posted by jana33
Posted by Generous_Libra

He was married for 10 years and obviously didn't end well, he was stuck and now he's free he doesn't want anything to hold him back especially emotional reactions from other people.

Your intentions probably don't match right now, you do want to settle down eventually, he did that before I don't think he's gonna do it again any soon. It's hard for Geminis to commit again especially after a failed marriage.

I really don't think he's gonna give you what you want, don't try to pin him down, not fair for both of you.

Good luck.


Thats what he was telling me, he always said 'I dont want any stress in my life, I had too much of it in my marriage, I want harmony and balance, lets take things slow, I want something serious and stable but without any pressure and expectations'

Now I understand how to handle him, but seems its to late Sad

I stopped msging him 4 days ago and going to leave it until he wants to reach out.
I don't think it's too late but rather not what is best for you, you want emotional support, he seems to be detached although he has a lot of water in his chart. If he ever comes back ( I think he will ) try to build a better mental connection with him, instead of seeking an emotional one.
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Thank you, When we met we connected intellectually first, we used to talk for hours, sharing thoughts, ideas, opinions, my Aquarius rising and sag moon loves intellectual stimulation and its almost more important for me before I can get close to someone. When it comes to my emotions, having cancer in sun and venus can be overbearing even for myself, I am still working on being more emotionally independent, and also I have good friends and family that know exactly how to handle me in those moments. I think maybe we shouldnt expect from our partners to be ALL for us, its not possible sometimes, there is need for compromise. I hope he will reach out. But now he need his time clearly. I tried for the last 3 weeks and he gone quiet again.
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As for now situation still hasnt changed, hes been quiet all week after we had one positive interaction (I msged him to advise me on bracelet I wanted to buy and he was very helpful and responsive), day after I ask how he is and no reply.

His birthday is coming up 2nd June, Id love to message him... but I dont want to make him feel uncomfortable so I will leave it.

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Why are you chasing after this emotionally unavailable man, Jana? Yes, wish him happy birthday, but that be it. If he's not initiating and even ignoring many of your attempts...why do you want someone like him in your life? Are you waiting for him to return to how he was during the first three months of getting to know you? That's never coming back...

He's very much like my Gem ex. Yes, we had a very good mental connection, which probably explains why we had been together for 2 years. But his unwillingness to offer emotional support when I needed it most... For example, during a difficult situation at work, guess what...he, my boyfriend, concluded that my boss was right, and I was wrong! Errr...not! My boss later on backed off (when I got someone from the Union involved) and even paid a substantial sum into my research grant, as an apology.

Gem has two sons from a previous 10 years marriage, and 50% of his time was dedicated to them, which I understood. Since I was living in a different town from him, we mainly met during the weekends. He often complained that he didn't see enough of me, but when I suggested I could move in with him (while keeping my place too), he said it was too early for that! At that time, we were dating for more than a year and a half!

Leave his pathetic arse alone, and find someone who is more compatible with you!

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Update.

After 2 weeks of silence he contacted me last night at 10pm. Asked how Im doing, I noticed he changed his profile pic to beautiful mountain view. He messaged me to tell me he is on holiday in this beautiful place in the mountains (most likely with his kids but I dont know as I didnt ask). I kept it short and polite and there was no conversation.... he said where he is, sent a wink and ghosted. 👻

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Posted by halalbae
Posted by jana33

Update.

After 2 weeks of silence he contacted me last night at 10pm. Asked how Im doing, I noticed he changed his profile pic to beautiful mountain view. He messaged me to tell me he is on holiday in this beautiful place in the mountains (most likely with his kids but I dont know as I didnt ask). I kept it short and polite and there was no conversation.... he said where he is, sent a wink and ghosted. 👻


What a boring exchange! Id ghost him lol
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Exactly what Im thinking! Lets see when he will be back for more attention, and hes going to be starving, Im not reacting to this bs. ⛔️
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You were there for him when he needed you. He doesn't seem capable of reciprocating and/or motivated.

People are talking on here like he's your partner. I'm sorry I haven't read every word, but you two had no contact for 3 months. You broke up. Now he doesn't seem interested in getting back together.

I'm going to play devil's advocate here. I'm not judging him or saying he's a bad guy, but, maybe he had problems in his marriage because of himself too, not just his wife. Maybe poor communication, selfish tendencies, not being there for her, etc.

When I read words like "you have to get yourself settled" before he can be in a relationship with you, that's not very supportive. It's actually worse than ignoring, because he's suggesting that you are weak and/or not good enough for him.

When you met him he was going through a rough patch and you were there for him. You didn't tell him, sorry, can't help you: maybe we can be in a relationship once you get your own butter together.

This all being said, he could be going through something mentally where he's not ready. Also, maybe he lost interest in you. You filled a void for him where he maybe didn't have much support elsewhere. Maybe he's enjoying his life as a single guy. Maybe he's going after other women.

To me, you two broke up and he doesn't want to go on a date with you. You need to back off - no contact - and go and live that life another poster was saying. You need to go and date and not wait for him.

If he comes back he needs to earn your time. He wasn't there for you then and he's not there for you now. Find a guy who wants you. If you don't find one yet and he comes knocking, don't just welcome him with open arms. He has to know how you feel about things.

He needs to explain and it needs to make sense.

He seems selfish. Dig deep and really see how much he was there for you in the past. I don't really care what he was going through and that he has kids, sure he has to be there. But if he can't take are of himself and his kids and be in a relationship at the same time, then there is your answer. He might have some things he needs to deal with that's hindering him from functioning as an adult with responsibilities and to be in a relationship too.
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I just saw the ghosting thing. He's giving you breadcrumbs and then leaving the dinner table until he returns and he knows you're waiting for him at the table. Go find another guy to have a full dinner with.
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UPDATE

SO since last message he has been very active, writing to me everyday, I engaged in the conversation, he sent me lots of photos from his trip, he was there with 4 other guys and they were riding horses and bikes, he looks very happy and relaxed.

He does look very different from when I remember him, last time Ive seen him was 5 months ago, hes gone almost completely gray! But I can see hes focused on his well being now after all the problems and stress he had, so Im happy for him.

I havent asked him about anything personal, just giving him space and letting him come forward at his own speed, and the Gemini in him loves it as hes opening up more and more. I am very curious if hes reconnecting to be friends or if hes looking more into it. Lets wait and see...

Personally I came to a conclusion that either way Im happy with how I handled this whole situation and the result doesnt matter as much at this point, I feel I want to be with someone who appreciates me, if hes not the one that I think im ready to accept it and stay friends with him.

Thank you everyone for the feedback by the way!

P.S I was reading a lot about Gemini guys in the meantime and I started to understand how these guys work, not easy at all!

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UPDATE

As I thought he stayed in touch all summer, messaged me on my brithday even, invited me for dinner once but then cancelled saying hes not feeling well, he actually gave me a call once, I was very surprised, he sounded stressed and upset but was asking how I am doing. He didnt want to share anything really. I remained cool and didnt push anything. He would message once every two weeks or so, sending me photos from holiday with his kids.

In july I started dating someone new (Sun Aries, Moon Leo, Venus Aries, Scorpio Rising) such a great guy, fun, passionate, we started going on trips together and eventually in August he planned whole holiday in Croatia for us. It was one of the best trips Ive had, I didnt tell Gemini about any of it because I asumed we are just friends now and he never asked me about my status. Sooo when I was in Croatia with Aries, Gemini sent me photos saying hes in Croatia with his kids on a boat! We were not very far infact!! I sent him few phtos of me and he was intruiged by it, asked if im there with a friend... I said yes.

Now we are in October and it happened, Gemini asked me out for a dinner, booked restaurant he knew I wanted to go to because I mentioned it, I was waiting for this for 8 months... surreal!

I accepted the invitation and went with mindset to catch up as a friend.

He was quite nervous when he saw me, lost his way while driving, I was giggling at him, he coundnt find restaurant even tho he was there before. He had the same perfume on, a new watch that he wanted to show off. Hes a charm just like he used to be. During dinner we laughed, joked, just like the old times, he was relaxed and happy, of course he was flirting.

Then he started explaining what was happening in his situation with kids and ex, actually shared a lot of details, legal suff and arangements, said hes much better now as everything is sorted. Hes taking care of kids half of the week, so hes even more busy than before.

I joked and said 'Well then promise me you will find me next lifetime and we can try again when u are more free' He replied 'Why should I wait until next lifetime?' ... such a charm.

It was great evening, we spent 4h hours together, he drove me home and since then went quiet again. My Gemini...

I think that focusing on my goals made me more relaxed and accepting of things as they are. Lets see what life will bring...
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