Ex's not giving closure.
This topic was created in the Astrology forum by MrR78 on Monday, September 11, 2017 and has 42 replies.
Hello everyone,
I have been in a relationship with an aquarius woman who did not give me closure and refused to speak to me about certain issues relating to our break up. She has a cancer moon.
Recently a friend of mine who was dating an Libra (moon and Aqua sun) has broken up with his Mrs and she has also done the same.
So it got me thinking, based on Signs (both sun and moon) and just general personality traits habits a person has, why do some people not have the decency to actually have a conversation to end the relationship making it easier for both parties to move on.
Is it due to selfishness, cowardice or some people just not accepting the break up for months or years and deciding moving on and ignoring it is the best option.
This is open to all signs - suns and moons.
I have been in a relationship with an aquarius woman who did not give me closure and refused to speak to me about certain issues relating to our break up. She has a cancer moon.
Recently a friend of mine who was dating an Libra (moon and Aqua sun) has broken up with his Mrs and she has also done the same.
So it got me thinking, based on Signs (both sun and moon) and just general personality traits habits a person has, why do some people not have the decency to actually have a conversation to end the relationship making it easier for both parties to move on.
Is it due to selfishness, cowardice or some people just not accepting the break up for months or years and deciding moving on and ignoring it is the best option.
This is open to all signs - suns and moons.
In your case, the Aquarius's moon sign will have a stronger influence than her sun as Cancer's ruling planet is the moon. This means she's very emotional, sensitive and thinks with her heart instead of her head. Cancers are brooders and it's normal for them to give you the silent treatment after you've hurt/broken up with them. It will take them a long time to process the emotions and the reality of a break up and during that time, they're not keen on talking it out. This is because it's too hard for them to put their feelings into words. She's probably having a tougher time than you can imagine.
With the Aquarius-Libra case, Aquarius takes the reins and with an Air-Air combo, they really do "go with the wind." So it's actually a different attitude altogether. It's not uncommon for them to be done with a relationship and move on without acknowleding you or giving the time for closure.
Everyone reacts differently to a situation like yours so it could be any of the reasons you've given. It depends on so many factors such as the reason for breaking up, how serious the relationship was, who broke up with whom etc. This is just what I think.
With the Aquarius-Libra case, Aquarius takes the reins and with an Air-Air combo, they really do "go with the wind." So it's actually a different attitude altogether. It's not uncommon for them to be done with a relationship and move on without acknowleding you or giving the time for closure.
Everyone reacts differently to a situation like yours so it could be any of the reasons you've given. It depends on so many factors such as the reason for breaking up, how serious the relationship was, who broke up with whom etc. This is just what I think.
I think it's cowardice - they don't have the balls to break up face to face so they leave you guessing. Fuck those people. It's way more humane to just break up with someone, even if it's through text. The longest it took me to get over someone is when he ghosted me.
Oh and he was a leo with virgo moon and rising, venus in cancer
@Aquascorpio9
In your case, the Aquarius's moon sign will have a stronger influence than her sun as Cancer's ruling planet is the moon. This means she's very emotional, sensitive and thinks with her heart instead of her head. Cancers are brooders and it's normal for them to give you the silent treatment after you've hurt/broken up with them. It will take them a long time to process the emotions and the reality of a break up and during that time, they're not keen on talking it out. This is because it's too hard for them to put their feelings into words. She's probably having a tougher time than you can imagine.
True - does it take a year though - we recently started to talk again on a plutonic level and she kept telling me how amazing I am and how I have changed and she has noticed it etc.
Then one day she needed a shoulder and reached out to me to tell me about a problem she has with her boyfriend, and it was exactly the same problem I had with her. I told her what she did to me and how it affected and she started to cry. She said she wants to hear more and then a few days later told me she wanted to be friends after I said I wanted to try again.
That was the last straw for me, I sent her an email asking for answers to questions and she refused to give them to me. The last time we spoke I asked her on her nephews life if she had feelings for me and she didn't swear on his life but said "I don't have any feelings for you" At that point I said I don't think we can be friends and she said fine then and blocked me again.
She is 26 and I fail to understand even after a year and her moving on, why she cant seem to give me answers. So I decided now I need to give up because I don't want any negativity in my life. She will realise one day and it will be too late because I would have stopped caring by then. I am caring by nature and sometimes my biggest asset is my biggest flaw.
In your case, the Aquarius's moon sign will have a stronger influence than her sun as Cancer's ruling planet is the moon. This means she's very emotional, sensitive and thinks with her heart instead of her head. Cancers are brooders and it's normal for them to give you the silent treatment after you've hurt/broken up with them. It will take them a long time to process the emotions and the reality of a break up and during that time, they're not keen on talking it out. This is because it's too hard for them to put their feelings into words. She's probably having a tougher time than you can imagine.
True - does it take a year though - we recently started to talk again on a plutonic level and she kept telling me how amazing I am and how I have changed and she has noticed it etc.
Then one day she needed a shoulder and reached out to me to tell me about a problem she has with her boyfriend, and it was exactly the same problem I had with her. I told her what she did to me and how it affected and she started to cry. She said she wants to hear more and then a few days later told me she wanted to be friends after I said I wanted to try again.
That was the last straw for me, I sent her an email asking for answers to questions and she refused to give them to me. The last time we spoke I asked her on her nephews life if she had feelings for me and she didn't swear on his life but said "I don't have any feelings for you" At that point I said I don't think we can be friends and she said fine then and blocked me again.
She is 26 and I fail to understand even after a year and her moving on, why she cant seem to give me answers. So I decided now I need to give up because I don't want any negativity in my life. She will realise one day and it will be too late because I would have stopped caring by then. I am caring by nature and sometimes my biggest asset is my biggest flaw.
Posted by MrR78In the end, it all depends on the individual. Some people can move on and bounce back quite quickly while for others, the emotions attached to the break up fester and go back and forth for a long time. Aquarians are quite independent and can usually bounce back without too many scratches but with a Cancer Moon, it's a longer process. She won't like showing her emotional vulnerabilities during that time and even if that means avoiding your questions or you altogether, she'll do it. She just really needs her space.
@Aquascorpio9
In your case, the Aquarius's moon sign will have a stronger influence than her sun as Cancer's ruling planet is the moon. This means she's very emotional, sensitive and thinks with her heart instead of her head. Cancers are brooders and it's normal for them to give you the silent treatment after you've hurt/broken up with them. It will take them a long time to process the emotions and the reality of a break up and during that time, they're not keen on talking it out. This is because it's too hard for them to put their feelings into words. She's probably having a tougher time than you can imagine.
True - does it take a year though - we recently started to talk again on a plutonic level and she kept telling me how amazing I am and how I have changed and she has noticed it etc.
Then one day she needed a shoulder and reached out to me to tell me about a problem she has with her boyfriend, and it was exactly the same problem I had with her. I told her what she did to me and how it affected and she started to cry. She said she wants to hear more and then a few days later told me she wanted to be friends after I said I wanted to try again.
That was the last straw for me, I sent her an email asking for answers to questions and she refused to give them to me. The last time we spoke I asked her on her nephews life if she had feelings for me and she didn't swear on his life but said "I don't have any feelings for you" At that point I said I don't think we can be friends and she said fine then and blocked me again.
She is 26 and I fail to understand even after a year and her moving on, why she cant seem to give me answers. So I decided now I need to give up because I don't want any negativity in my life. She will realise one day and it will be too late because I would have stopped caring by then. I am caring by nature and sometimes my biggest asset is my biggest flaw.
Aquarius can be hot and cold but they don't like it when the reverse happens to them. She wants a clean break up while she has the opportunity to filter out her own emotions in private. Hearing words suggesting you want to get back with her after she's found a new boyfriend will make her quite nervous and frustrated as she's assumed that now that she's moved on, so have you (Aquarians tend to assume a lot instead of asking). Sounds like she waited until she thought she was ready before reaching out to you in hopes of being friends but has now withdrawn because she doesn't know how to best handle the situation.
Us ladies have a expectation of being the more emotionally mature one in a relationship but that's not always the case - especially after a break up from the one we developed strong feelings for. I know it must be frustrating for you to be on the receiving end of her hot/coldness. Since she's already made efforts to move on and has a boyfriend, maybe it's best if you do the same
Out of curiousity, what's your Sun sign?
@Aquascorpio9 - My sun sign is Leo and I have a Libra moon.
Its quite a complicated story but the bottom line is that we have an age difference and her parents disapproved hence why we broke up. They thought I was too old for her. Our relationship was great and she admits that too. She says I am amazing etc and she was saying it a lot recently.
After we split she went back to her ex, and his parents refused her. It turns out that when she went home to speak about him, her parents said no again. She admitted realising she is too reliant on her parents opinion.
Now she is with someone else and they seem to be having difficulties and she reached out to me. What annoyed me was the fact that she hardly made and effort as it is and when she needed a shoulder to cry on I was the one. I felt emotionally used and sent her an email asking her why she finds it hard to speak to me about how we broke up, how I felt she disrespected and me and if she has any emotional issues that are unresolved and we can talk about it and clear the air. We work together so it would make things easier.
She ignored it as well as all the attempts I have made to communicate in the past. I had moved on too but when she brought up her issues, it brought back emotions for me and I did ask her to reconcile. She said I gave her lots to think about and she wanted to talk again but she didn't. She just sent me an email saying "lets be friends."
I have an expectation in friendships too, they are a 2 way street where respect is given. I feel she cant give me that, that's what annoyed me and that's why I said we cant be friends.
I have since broken up with my cancer girl because I don't feel its right to be with someone when I still have unresolved feelings for someone else. I think she is also in the same situation but is trying to move on to forget me. I fail to understand why after a year it is so hard for her to open up to me, considering she is now seeing someone else. If the feelings have gone, it should be easy to speak about unless I am wrong.
Its quite a complicated story but the bottom line is that we have an age difference and her parents disapproved hence why we broke up. They thought I was too old for her. Our relationship was great and she admits that too. She says I am amazing etc and she was saying it a lot recently.
After we split she went back to her ex, and his parents refused her. It turns out that when she went home to speak about him, her parents said no again. She admitted realising she is too reliant on her parents opinion.
Now she is with someone else and they seem to be having difficulties and she reached out to me. What annoyed me was the fact that she hardly made and effort as it is and when she needed a shoulder to cry on I was the one. I felt emotionally used and sent her an email asking her why she finds it hard to speak to me about how we broke up, how I felt she disrespected and me and if she has any emotional issues that are unresolved and we can talk about it and clear the air. We work together so it would make things easier.
She ignored it as well as all the attempts I have made to communicate in the past. I had moved on too but when she brought up her issues, it brought back emotions for me and I did ask her to reconcile. She said I gave her lots to think about and she wanted to talk again but she didn't. She just sent me an email saying "lets be friends."
I have an expectation in friendships too, they are a 2 way street where respect is given. I feel she cant give me that, that's what annoyed me and that's why I said we cant be friends.
I have since broken up with my cancer girl because I don't feel its right to be with someone when I still have unresolved feelings for someone else. I think she is also in the same situation but is trying to move on to forget me. I fail to understand why after a year it is so hard for her to open up to me, considering she is now seeing someone else. If the feelings have gone, it should be easy to speak about unless I am wrong.
Posted by MrR78In each of the two instances above - who broke up with whom?
Hello everyone,
I have been in a relationship with an aquarius woman who did not give me closure and refused to speak to me about certain issues relating to our break up. She has a cancer moon.
Recently a friend of mine who was dating an Libra (moon and Aqua sun) has broken up with his Mrs and she has also done the same.
So it got me thinking, based on Signs (both sun and moon) and just general personality traits habits a person has, why do some people not have the decency to actually have a conversation to end the relationship making it easier for both parties to move on.
Is it due to selfishness, cowardice or some people just not accepting the break up for months or years and deciding moving on and ignoring it is the best option.
This is open to all signs - suns and moons.
We're you and your friend the dumpers or the dumpees?
@Capmercury87 - Yes I agree and I no longer have feelings for her. I would have liked to have had some closure because that's what mature people do, who can have an emotional conversation and draw a line under it. Maybe its just me, but whats done is done.
@Andalusia - in both cases, my friend and I were the dumpees
@Andalusia - in both cases, my friend and I were the dumpees
my ex Aqua did the same, she couldnt face an aqua mooner's cold insensitive eyes. So she ran away and hid, i could of found her. At the end, closure shouldnt be forced, it should be mutual. So a year later still no closure, i been over it; as you should too.. Low key they will stalk you for months, social media mainly lol
dude you sound pathetic, it's been too long you keep longing on her.
Posted by Astrology101i don't understand you guys.Posted by AerialViewHe's in pain. Y u have to be so mean?
dude you sound pathetic, it's been too long you keep longing on her.click to expand
Posted by Astrology101people in aqua board been telling him to move on for months. this isn't new.Posted by AerialViewHmm. He's trying to move on. He's just stuck.Posted by Astrology101i don't understand you guys.Posted by AerialViewHe's in pain. Y u have to be so mean?
dude you sound pathetic, it's been too long you keep longing on her.click to expand
cut your losses and move on. don't let this girl mess with your head. you're a man ffs
Lol I am not in pain and Aerialview is entitled to his opinion.
We have veered off topic slightly, it was about closure.
As Dracula said, he has also experienced it so therefore its not down to the person it could be an astrological trait. What makes it harder is we work together so its slows down the process.
I have always been the guy to give my exs closure and once contact has been re established months later, we still have the closure conversation again because more emotions have come out and possibly been dealt with.
I haven't been in this situation before so I am slightly out of my comfort zone. I am a person who is about positivity, hence the reason why I said to my ex we cant talk anymore as she is negative.
We have veered off topic slightly, it was about closure.
As Dracula said, he has also experienced it so therefore its not down to the person it could be an astrological trait. What makes it harder is we work together so its slows down the process.
I have always been the guy to give my exs closure and once contact has been re established months later, we still have the closure conversation again because more emotions have come out and possibly been dealt with.
I haven't been in this situation before so I am slightly out of my comfort zone. I am a person who is about positivity, hence the reason why I said to my ex we cant talk anymore as she is negative.
@8434E - I am stuck on this person basically because I was ghosted and had no closure. The feelings have gone. I just think its disrespectful especially since one time we were going to get married.
lol
@bmoon I am starting to feel like that now to be honest.
I just need to write this one up as a loss and a lesson
I just need to write this one up as a loss and a lesson
Posted by MrR78Oh sorry, I'm new to dxpnet! I've no idea how to check if someone's replied back, luckily I checked back on my own
@Aquascorpio9 - My sun sign is Leo and I have a Libra moon.
Its quite a complicated story but the bottom line is that we have an age difference and her parents disapproved hence why we broke up. They thought I was too old for her. Our relationship was great and she admits that too. She says I am amazing etc and she was saying it a lot recently.
After we split she went back to her ex, and his parents refused her. It turns out that when she went home to speak about him, her parents said no again. She admitted realising she is too reliant on her parents opinion.
Now she is with someone else and they seem to be having difficulties and she reached out to me. What annoyed me was the fact that she hardly made and effort as it is and when she needed a shoulder to cry on I was the one. I felt emotionally used and sent her an email asking her why she finds it hard to speak to me about how we broke up, how I felt she disrespected and me and if she has any emotional issues that are unresolved and we can talk about it and clear the air. We work together so it would make things easier.
She ignored it as well as all the attempts I have made to communicate in the past. I had moved on too but when she brought up her issues, it brought back emotions for me and I did ask her to reconcile. She said I gave her lots to think about and she wanted to talk again but she didn't. She just sent me an email saying "lets be friends."
I have an expectation in friendships too, they are a 2 way street where respect is given. I feel she cant give me that, that's what annoyed me and that's why I said we cant be friends.
I have since broken up with my cancer girl because I don't feel its right to be with someone when I still have unresolved feelings for someone else. I think she is also in the same situation but is trying to move on to forget me. I fail to understand why after a year it is so hard for her to open up to me, considering she is now seeing someone else. If the feelings have gone, it should be easy to speak about unless I am wrong.
I can understand how hard it must be for you guys when parents are involved in a relationship and how can we possibly reject them? Their opinion matters so much and they're always looking out for their baby. I have no doubt you two had a wonderful relationship, you sound like an emotionally mature guy and Leos make warm-hearted, generous partners. Your Libra moon certainly helps think clearly so that you're not emotionally weighed down the way your ex would have been.
It's not uncommon in partnerships for one party to become dependent on the other. As she sounds like someone who relies on her parents for advice and approval quite often, it's not hard to imagine that she would have relied on you as well. Humans are creatures of habit and perhaps why one reason why she might have had such a hard time is because, whether you were aware or not, she depended on you in many aspects of your relationship i.e. emotionally etc. When you lose your rock or safe haven, it can be a terrifyingly isolating experience. As I've mentioned before, the break up left her with deep and confusing feelings (from her perspective) and she's obviously struggling to come to terms with them. I feel that in the past, if she was facing difficulties she would have come to you for support and guidance.
Think of it this way. Say if you've been on crutches for a while because of an injury. Over time, you've come to rely on your crutches for walking etc. However, the first time you are able to walk without crutches is the most challenging part. You no longer have your crutches to assist you, you have to learn to walk again on your own.
You've made excellent progress trying to reach out to her. I don't think you could've done much better, she clearly isn't ready to be friends. I wouldn't put her words to heart when she says she doesn't have feelings for you. Maybe the romantic feelings have ceased but she does still feel for you in a sense that she still values you. Although not always the case, age can make a difference. I know from personal experience that no matter how much time you give them (years), some people choose to live in the past and cling on to past memories. My partner's ex was one and I recall feeling both pity and annoyance when I found she still displayed photos of her with my partner on her social media, tried to meddle into his siblings lives, her profile pictures were only of them together and she ocassionally sends the sly, suggestive message to him, which of course we both knew about. They had broken up years and years ago and he had clearly moved on (before he met me in fact)...just another case that young love doesn't last. But enough about that! I think it's best for her to focus solely on getting back up on her feet and once she's settled a bit, maybe there's a possibility for reconciliation if that is what you want then.
Posted by AquaScorpio9change your notification settingsPosted by MrR78Oh sorry, I'm new to dxpnet! I've no idea how to check if someone's replied back, luckily I checked back on my own
@Aquascorpio9 - My sun sign is Leo and I have a Libra moon.
Its quite a complicated story but the bottom line is that we have an age difference and her parents disapproved hence why we broke up. They thought I was too old for her. Our relationship was great and she admits that too. She says I am amazing etc and she was saying it a lot recently.
After we split she went back to her ex, and his parents refused her. It turns out that when she went home to speak about him, her parents said no again. She admitted realising she is too reliant on her parents opinion.
Now she is with someone else and they seem to be having difficulties and she reached out to me. What annoyed me was the fact that she hardly made and effort as it is and when she needed a shoulder to cry on I was the one. I felt emotionally used and sent her an email asking her why she finds it hard to speak to me about how we broke up, how I felt she disrespected and me and if she has any emotional issues that are unresolved and we can talk about it and clear the air. We work together so it would make things easier.
She ignored it as well as all the attempts I have made to communicate in the past. I had moved on too but when she brought up her issues, it brought back emotions for me and I did ask her to reconcile. She said I gave her lots to think about and she wanted to talk again but she didn't. She just sent me an email saying "lets be friends."
I have an expectation in friendships too, they are a 2 way street where respect is given. I feel she cant give me that, that's what annoyed me and that's why I said we cant be friends.
I have since broken up with my cancer girl because I don't feel its right to be with someone when I still have unresolved feelings for someone else. I think she is also in the same situation but is trying to move on to forget me. I fail to understand why after a year it is so hard for her to open up to me, considering she is now seeing someone else. If the feelings have gone, it should be easy to speak about unless I am wrong.
click to expand
@Aquascorpio9 - Thank you for your kind words. And I am very impressed at what you wrote.
Yes it was very difficult with the parents being involved. And after speaking to my ex recently she said she has realised just how much influence her parents have on her. Firstly they didn't accept me, secondly the didn't accept her ex and now the guy she is seeing is a family introduction. So I am assuming he ticks their boxes. The problem with that is that people in general need to live for themselves, and she will realise this later in life. Its funny because they are having complications very early in the relationship and when I asked her if her problem was resolved she said it was "unresolvable". Anyways that her problem to deal with. Astrologically speaking he is a Taurus and they are not suited at all. But that's up to them. Two things will happen, either she will get engaged to him for comfort and security reasons or when the times to get engaged she may realise her freedom is going and she may reflect on things. Either way its not my problem anymore, but something tells me based on her behaviour she definitely has feelings for me.
I have a friend at work who sits next to her and he is going through some marital issues. I had a chat with him this morning and told him that he may not get his answers and to hope for the best and prepare for the worst and I learnt this from experience. He mentioned it to her and she began to panic and get defensive asking him if I told him the name of the girl who hasn't given me closure. Then she sat there in a mood all day. I fail to understand how people can move onto other people and not resolve their emotional issues from past relationships. Clearly she is still affected by me and if she was happy in her relationship then this should not be case.
I totally agree she was very dependent on me. My ex has no direction in life, I live my life my way. I meditate, train martial arts, and teach as well. I am a focussed driven person and I am currently helping a mate prepare for his first fight and we are doing this for charity. These are the traits she admires in me. Anyways getting back to the subject, the dynamic that was created for her made her feels safe, I could read her like a book, I knew what was wrong and was able to fix the issue without her saying. I appreciate that once safety goes people feel isolated and totally agree with your analogy. She did come to me with problems in the past and they were solved.
As for reaching out to her, yes I did on many occasions when I shouldn't have. I have told that girl her happiness means the world to me and if she is happy with her ex then I am happy, I have told that girl that I hold no grudges, we are good. I even said to her to have a talk so we can set some boundaries and I would cause her any issues. To every attempt I received no response. She completely blanked them all. I don't think her romantic feelings have ceased, I think that maybe they are so strong that emotionally she cant deal with them. I am shocked a year later she has made no progress. She wanted to be friends because I offer her lots of benefits, she claims she still trusts me hence she told me her problem. She is emotionally immature and has a lot growing up to do. Either way I know she knows what she has lost. Time for me to move on and find someone who is whole and deserves me and both of us can make an amazing life together.
Yes it was very difficult with the parents being involved. And after speaking to my ex recently she said she has realised just how much influence her parents have on her. Firstly they didn't accept me, secondly the didn't accept her ex and now the guy she is seeing is a family introduction. So I am assuming he ticks their boxes. The problem with that is that people in general need to live for themselves, and she will realise this later in life. Its funny because they are having complications very early in the relationship and when I asked her if her problem was resolved she said it was "unresolvable". Anyways that her problem to deal with. Astrologically speaking he is a Taurus and they are not suited at all. But that's up to them. Two things will happen, either she will get engaged to him for comfort and security reasons or when the times to get engaged she may realise her freedom is going and she may reflect on things. Either way its not my problem anymore, but something tells me based on her behaviour she definitely has feelings for me.
I have a friend at work who sits next to her and he is going through some marital issues. I had a chat with him this morning and told him that he may not get his answers and to hope for the best and prepare for the worst and I learnt this from experience. He mentioned it to her and she began to panic and get defensive asking him if I told him the name of the girl who hasn't given me closure. Then she sat there in a mood all day. I fail to understand how people can move onto other people and not resolve their emotional issues from past relationships. Clearly she is still affected by me and if she was happy in her relationship then this should not be case.
I totally agree she was very dependent on me. My ex has no direction in life, I live my life my way. I meditate, train martial arts, and teach as well. I am a focussed driven person and I am currently helping a mate prepare for his first fight and we are doing this for charity. These are the traits she admires in me. Anyways getting back to the subject, the dynamic that was created for her made her feels safe, I could read her like a book, I knew what was wrong and was able to fix the issue without her saying. I appreciate that once safety goes people feel isolated and totally agree with your analogy. She did come to me with problems in the past and they were solved.
As for reaching out to her, yes I did on many occasions when I shouldn't have. I have told that girl her happiness means the world to me and if she is happy with her ex then I am happy, I have told that girl that I hold no grudges, we are good. I even said to her to have a talk so we can set some boundaries and I would cause her any issues. To every attempt I received no response. She completely blanked them all. I don't think her romantic feelings have ceased, I think that maybe they are so strong that emotionally she cant deal with them. I am shocked a year later she has made no progress. She wanted to be friends because I offer her lots of benefits, she claims she still trusts me hence she told me her problem. She is emotionally immature and has a lot growing up to do. Either way I know she knows what she has lost. Time for me to move on and find someone who is whole and deserves me and both of us can make an amazing life together.
Posted by aquarius_manPosted by Biboroononly the cowards break up via txt. and the hoes. and the rentboys.
It's way more humane to just break up with someone, even if it's through text.click to expand
Agreed, but I still believe it's worse if you're ghosted.
Aquas don't feel they have to explain themselves to people
Your closure will come soon enough when you move forward and run into them later down the road and they're looking like a fuckin bum and you're like "whew dodged a mean bullet there! "
Posted by AerialViewDonePosted by AquaScorpio9change your notification settingsPosted by MrR78Oh sorry, I'm new to dxpnet! I've no idea how to check if someone's replied back, luckily I checked back on my own
@Aquascorpio9 - My sun sign is Leo and I have a Libra moon.
Its quite a complicated story but the bottom line is that we have an age difference and her parents disapproved hence why we broke up. They thought I was too old for her. Our relationship was great and she admits that too. She says I am amazing etc and she was saying it a lot recently.
After we split she went back to her ex, and his parents refused her. It turns out that when she went home to speak about him, her parents said no again. She admitted realising she is too reliant on her parents opinion.
Now she is with someone else and they seem to be having difficulties and she reached out to me. What annoyed me was the fact that she hardly made and effort as it is and when she needed a shoulder to cry on I was the one. I felt emotionally used and sent her an email asking her why she finds it hard to speak to me about how we broke up, how I felt she disrespected and me and if she has any emotional issues that are unresolved and we can talk about it and clear the air. We work together so it would make things easier.
She ignored it as well as all the attempts I have made to communicate in the past. I had moved on too but when she brought up her issues, it brought back emotions for me and I did ask her to reconcile. She said I gave her lots to think about and she wanted to talk again but she didn't. She just sent me an email saying "lets be friends."
I have an expectation in friendships too, they are a 2 way street where respect is given. I feel she cant give me that, that's what annoyed me and that's why I said we cant be friends.
I have since broken up with my cancer girl because I don't feel its right to be with someone when I still have unresolved feelings for someone else. I think she is also in the same situation but is trying to move on to forget me. I fail to understand why after a year it is so hard for her to open up to me, considering she is now seeing someone else. If the feelings have gone, it should be easy to speak about unless I am wrong.
click to expand
Posted by AquaScorpio9now do you get notifications from me?Posted by AerialViewDonePosted by AquaScorpio9change your notification settingsPosted by MrR78Oh sorry, I'm new to dxpnet! I've no idea how to check if someone's replied back, luckily I checked back on my own
@Aquascorpio9 - My sun sign is Leo and I have a Libra moon.
Its quite a complicated story but the bottom line is that we have an age difference and her parents disapproved hence why we broke up. They thought I was too old for her. Our relationship was great and she admits that too. She says I am amazing etc and she was saying it a lot recently.
After we split she went back to her ex, and his parents refused her. It turns out that when she went home to speak about him, her parents said no again. She admitted realising she is too reliant on her parents opinion.
Now she is with someone else and they seem to be having difficulties and she reached out to me. What annoyed me was the fact that she hardly made and effort as it is and when she needed a shoulder to cry on I was the one. I felt emotionally used and sent her an email asking her why she finds it hard to speak to me about how we broke up, how I felt she disrespected and me and if she has any emotional issues that are unresolved and we can talk about it and clear the air. We work together so it would make things easier.
She ignored it as well as all the attempts I have made to communicate in the past. I had moved on too but when she brought up her issues, it brought back emotions for me and I did ask her to reconcile. She said I gave her lots to think about and she wanted to talk again but she didn't. She just sent me an email saying "lets be friends."
I have an expectation in friendships too, they are a 2 way street where respect is given. I feel she cant give me that, that's what annoyed me and that's why I said we cant be friends.
I have since broken up with my cancer girl because I don't feel its right to be with someone when I still have unresolved feelings for someone else. I think she is also in the same situation but is trying to move on to forget me. I fail to understand why after a year it is so hard for her to open up to me, considering she is now seeing someone else. If the feelings have gone, it should be easy to speak about unless I am wrong.
click to expand
Posted by MrR78Aw thank you kindly!
@Aquascorpio9 - Thank you for your kind words. And I am very impressed at what you wrote.
Yes it was very difficult with the parents being involved. And after speaking to my ex recently she said she has realised just how much influence her parents have on her. Firstly they didn't accept me, secondly the didn't accept her ex and now the guy she is seeing is a family introduction. So I am assuming he ticks their boxes. The problem with that is that people in general need to live for themselves, and she will realise this later in life. Its funny because they are having complications very early in the relationship and when I asked her if her problem was resolved she said it was "unresolvable". Anyways that her problem to deal with. Astrologically speaking he is a Taurus and they are not suited at all. But that's up to them. Two things will happen, either she will get engaged to him for comfort and security reasons or when the times to get engaged she may realise her freedom is going and she may reflect on things. Either way its not my problem anymore, but something tells me based on her behaviour she definitely has feelings for me.
I have a friend at work who sits next to her and he is going through some marital issues. I had a chat with him this morning and told him that he may not get his answers and to hope for the best and prepare for the worst and I learnt this from experience. He mentioned it to her and she began to panic and get defensive asking him if I told him the name of the girl who hasn't given me closure. Then she sat there in a mood all day. I fail to understand how people can move onto other people and not resolve their emotional issues from past relationships. Clearly she is still affected by me and if she was happy in her relationship then this should not be case.
I totally agree she was very dependent on me. My ex has no direction in life, I live my life my way. I meditate, train martial arts, and teach as well. I am a focussed driven person and I am currently helping a mate prepare for his first fight and we are doing this for charity. These are the traits she admires in me. Anyways getting back to the subject, the dynamic that was created for her made her feels safe, I could read her like a book, I knew what was wrong and was able to fix the issue without her saying. I appreciate that once safety goes people feel isolated and totally agree with your analogy. She did come to me with problems in the past and they were solved.
As for reaching out to her, yes I did on many occasions when I shouldn't have. I have told that girl her happiness means the world to me and if she is happy with her ex then I am happy, I have told that girl that I hold no grudges, we are good. I even said to her to have a talk so we can set some boundaries and I would cause her any issues. To every attempt I received no response. She completely blanked them all. I don't think her romantic feelings have ceased, I think that maybe they are so strong that emotionally she cant deal with them. I am shocked a year later she has made no progress. She wanted to be friends because I offer her lots of benefits, she claims she still trusts me hence she told me her problem. She is emotionally immature and has a lot growing up to do. Either way I know she knows what she has lost. Time for me to move on and find someone who is whole and deserves me and both of us can make an amazing life together.
Some people seem to believe that by falling for someone else, their own unresolved feelings from their past relatiomship will just magically disappear on their own. Unfortunately, that only gets you halfway - the other half is confronting your fears and being honest to yourself. Undigested past feelings bring so much negativity and pain into any new relationship and it not only hurts yourself but also your partner (if they genuinely care for you that is).
So I was right to assume she's rather dependent - that speaks a lot about her personality and emotional maturity but I think she definitely has the capability to change, it'll be a matter of time. Yes, what attracted her to you was your confidence and drive, she seeks it in a partner because she is aware that that is what she lacks. She basked in the warmth of your Sun (how Leo I know!) and enjoyed having someone to do the better job of looking after her wellbeing (the thinkers, worriers and doers in a relationship always have it tough - the ones that follow direction gets to take a back seat and relax).
I know you've reached out to her because she is someone who you once valued and cared for very much. But you're right, it is time to move on! Good luck!
Posted by AerialViewHaha I sure do! Cheers xxPosted by AquaScorpio9now do you get notifications from me?Posted by AerialViewDonePosted by AquaScorpio9change your notification settingsPosted by MrR78Oh sorry, I'm new to dxpnet! I've no idea how to check if someone's replied back, luckily I checked back on my own
@Aquascorpio9 - My sun sign is Leo and I have a Libra moon.
Its quite a complicated story but the bottom line is that we have an age difference and her parents disapproved hence why we broke up. They thought I was too old for her. Our relationship was great and she admits that too. She says I am amazing etc and she was saying it a lot recently.
After we split she went back to her ex, and his parents refused her. It turns out that when she went home to speak about him, her parents said no again. She admitted realising she is too reliant on her parents opinion.
Now she is with someone else and they seem to be having difficulties and she reached out to me. What annoyed me was the fact that she hardly made and effort as it is and when she needed a shoulder to cry on I was the one. I felt emotionally used and sent her an email asking her why she finds it hard to speak to me about how we broke up, how I felt she disrespected and me and if she has any emotional issues that are unresolved and we can talk about it and clear the air. We work together so it would make things easier.
She ignored it as well as all the attempts I have made to communicate in the past. I had moved on too but when she brought up her issues, it brought back emotions for me and I did ask her to reconcile. She said I gave her lots to think about and she wanted to talk again but she didn't. She just sent me an email saying "lets be friends."
I have an expectation in friendships too, they are a 2 way street where respect is given. I feel she cant give me that, that's what annoyed me and that's why I said we cant be friends.
I have since broken up with my cancer girl because I don't feel its right to be with someone when I still have unresolved feelings for someone else. I think she is also in the same situation but is trying to move on to forget me. I fail to understand why after a year it is so hard for her to open up to me, considering she is now seeing someone else. If the feelings have gone, it should be easy to speak about unless I am wrong.
click to expand
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeI have no intention of throwing anyone under the bus. There is nothing wrong with someone being emotional, sensitive or thinking with their heart, I find it quite endearing. As for the brooding and silent treatment, how that is an offence to anyone is just beyond me.Posted by AquaScorpio9Lol at you throwing cancer moon under the bus
In your case, the Aquarius's moon sign will have a stronger influence than her sun as Cancer's ruling planet is the moon. This means she's very emotional, sensitive and thinks with her heart instead of her head. Cancers are brooders and it's normal for them to give you the silent treatment after you've hurt/broken up with them. It will take them a long time to process the emotions and the reality of a break up and during that time, they're not keen on talking it out. This is because it's too hard for them to put their feelings into words. She's probably having a tougher time than you can imagine.
With the Aquarius-Libra case, Aquarius takes the reins and with an Air-Air combo, they really do "go with the wind." So it's actually a different attitude altogether. It's not uncommon for them to be done with a relationship and move on without acknowleding you or giving the time for closure.
Everyone reacts differently to a situation like yours so it could be any of the reasons you've given. It depends on so many factors such as the reason for breaking up, how serious the relationship was, who broke up with whom etc. This is just what I think.
We all know aquas behave like this cold as fuck and weakclick to expand
Aquarians aren't cold internally, some give off a cold vibe because they don't necessarily enjoy letting their emotions out - it's considered messy.
Both Aquarians and Cancers are very caring by nature, they just show it in very different ways
I didn't give any closure in my last two relationships because I was passed the point of giving a fuck anymore. I felt like they didn't even deserve closure. Especially my first ex. He was a psycho who didn't deserve shit.
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeThere's nothing to argue. This is an entirely subjective matter.Posted by AquaScorpio9No. The reason why aquas and Leo's are great together are they're both extremely self centered selfish signsPosted by CaramelizedCoffeeI have no intention of throwing anyone under the bus. There is nothing wrong with someone being emotional, sensitive or thinking with their heart, I find it quite endearing. As for the brooding and silent treatment, how that is an offence to anyone is just beyond me.Posted by AquaScorpio9Lol at you throwing cancer moon under the bus
In your case, the Aquarius's moon sign will have a stronger influence than her sun as Cancer's ruling planet is the moon. This means she's very emotional, sensitive and thinks with her heart instead of her head. Cancers are brooders and it's normal for them to give you the silent treatment after you've hurt/broken up with them. It will take them a long time to process the emotions and the reality of a break up and during that time, they're not keen on talking it out. This is because it's too hard for them to put their feelings into words. She's probably having a tougher time than you can imagine.
With the Aquarius-Libra case, Aquarius takes the reins and with an Air-Air combo, they really do "go with the wind." So it's actually a different attitude altogether. It's not uncommon for them to be done with a relationship and move on without acknowleding you or giving the time for closure.
Everyone reacts differently to a situation like yours so it could be any of the reasons you've given. It depends on so many factors such as the reason for breaking up, how serious the relationship was, who broke up with whom etc. This is just what I think.
We all know aquas behave like this cold as fuck and weak
Aquarians aren't cold internally, some give off a cold vibe because they don't necessarily enjoy letting their emotions out - it's considered messy.
Both Aquarians and Cancers are very caring by nature, they just show it in very different ways
You can't debate this fact with me
I don't find aquas caring. I find them calculatingclick to expand
@aquarius_man - She broke up with me. To this day a year on she still avoids the subject. Its almost like she doesn't want to deal with the issue, especially in a case where she has moved on. I don't understand why she just can't answer some simple questions and be done with it. She avoids anything related to us emotionally. Yes without closure is the reason why I am affected. I am getting better day by day but still its something that I think everyone deserves.
I did move on but I realised as I have unresolved issues it wasn't fair on that girl so I called it off.
@Rindaroo - Yes I agree. If we had an open talk things would be easier. Its been a year and I still have feelings and I am sure my ex does too. Ghosting is a form of cowardice in my opinion. If you have a level of respect for a person then you should be able to communicate openly and honestly with respect.
25 years - WOW how did you handle that? Maybe you could give me some advice on how I should deal with my situation. My ex has done exactly what your ex did. When I told her my feelings I asked her if she still had feelings for me and she said "I think you are amazing" When I asked if she was happy in her current situation she said "We have things to work out"
@aquascorpio9 - When it comes to me I definitely feel that she isn't honest with herself and I know she will regret it down the line. She definitely seems dependent and is seeking some form of security. She is very close with her family but doesn't have much experience in life or life skills I think. Its definitely time to move on hence the reason why I am here speaking to my dxp family and asking for advice on how to get that closure.
I did move on but I realised as I have unresolved issues it wasn't fair on that girl so I called it off.
@Rindaroo - Yes I agree. If we had an open talk things would be easier. Its been a year and I still have feelings and I am sure my ex does too. Ghosting is a form of cowardice in my opinion. If you have a level of respect for a person then you should be able to communicate openly and honestly with respect.
25 years - WOW how did you handle that? Maybe you could give me some advice on how I should deal with my situation. My ex has done exactly what your ex did. When I told her my feelings I asked her if she still had feelings for me and she said "I think you are amazing" When I asked if she was happy in her current situation she said "We have things to work out"
@aquascorpio9 - When it comes to me I definitely feel that she isn't honest with herself and I know she will regret it down the line. She definitely seems dependent and is seeking some form of security. She is very close with her family but doesn't have much experience in life or life skills I think. Its definitely time to move on hence the reason why I am here speaking to my dxp family and asking for advice on how to get that closure.
Well atleast you got something. My ex completely ghosted me until I reached out to her. Even then she tested the waters and then when SHE decided she needed me she reached out. My ex definitely cant handle her emotions especially towards me. As for rebounds well her ex after me was a rebound and I think her current bf was introduced by family. She really doesn't think and does not want to face whatever issues she has with me. Its up to her and its her loss.
Yes I agree not getting closure can be really toxic.
It makes me think sometimes, do people who don't give closure actually realise their mistake at some point or do they just go through life completely ignoring it and accepting the present?
Yes I agree not getting closure can be really toxic.
It makes me think sometimes, do people who don't give closure actually realise their mistake at some point or do they just go through life completely ignoring it and accepting the present?
Posted by GC02you such a bad girl
Closure is for pussies.
Posted by MrR78They might want to be sure it's safe emotionally for them to reach you. You might need to open a door to them. They always put their sanity first, because it is already shattered to pieces when they run away from you. That's the biggest torture for them. Please respect it, as she does respect you. That's why Aquarius always feels misunderstood. Their feelings cut deeper than can be imagined.
Well atleast you got something. My ex completely ghosted me until I reached out to her. Even then she tested the waters and then when SHE decided she needed me she reached out. My ex definitely cant handle her emotions especially towards me. As for rebounds well her ex after me was a rebound and I think her current bf was introduced by family. She really doesn't think and does not want to face whatever issues she has with me. Its up to her and its her loss.
Yes I agree not getting closure can be really toxic.
It makes me think sometimes, do people who don't give closure actually realise their mistake at some point or do they just go through life completely ignoring it and accepting the present?
Posted by brianafayOkay rubber boots. Carry on....
Your closure will come soon enough when you move forward and run into them later down the road and they're looking like a fuckin bum and you're like "whew dodged a mean bullet there! "
awh sorry op....
@magma2 - I couldn't have said it better. Thank you it means a lot. The sad story is that going forward her house will always be built on sand unless she changes, and you cant change until you start thinking for yourself. That's just reality!!!
I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time moving on from your ex. I've been there with someone who has Libra sun and Leo moon. It sucked, it was hard to move past him without full insight on what was the cause of the major fail of the relationship, however, over the years i noticed that i didn't really need closure, what i really wanted was an opportunity to talk my way into the relationship again.
I know you want to sort out your feelings, but sometimes the only moving force we need in order to move on is the fact that the other party doesn't want to be with us.
I know you want to sort out your feelings, but sometimes the only moving force we need in order to move on is the fact that the other party doesn't want to be with us.
I did try to talk my way back into the relationship. I was told I gave her lots to consider and we will talk. Same old BS I had before and then told we can be friends. When I asked for closure via email and got ignored, then I called her a few days later. She said she didn't want to talk about it and I keep on asking to. Every valid point I made was dismissed.
It was at that point I realised that without respect there is very little hence why I said we cant be friends. I am past wanting to reconcile and I know my ex will fall hard in the future because she doesn't think for herself.
It would be nice just to have a talk and clear the air. But I have given up on that as well now.
Its funny because while we were talking she kept saying how amazing I am and how I have changed for the better and how I am now even more amazing.
Anyways it is what it is, I feel a weight has been lifted and I am far too good for her now. I still believe my ex has not dealt with her emotions regarding our break up and that's why she keeps that door closed. Not sure how this helps Aquas but as a Leo it would eat me up inside
It was at that point I realised that without respect there is very little hence why I said we cant be friends. I am past wanting to reconcile and I know my ex will fall hard in the future because she doesn't think for herself.
It would be nice just to have a talk and clear the air. But I have given up on that as well now.
Its funny because while we were talking she kept saying how amazing I am and how I have changed for the better and how I am now even more amazing.
Anyways it is what it is, I feel a weight has been lifted and I am far too good for her now. I still believe my ex has not dealt with her emotions regarding our break up and that's why she keeps that door closed. Not sure how this helps Aquas but as a Leo it would eat me up inside
@Compy - what makes you think my ex respects me
@seraph - thank you so much. Wise words and they make complete sense.
@aquarius_man - what were your circumstances if you don't mind me asking. I have no problem stealing her, the issue is that even today despite being with someone else she has a massive wall built for me and I know I still affect her. It as clear as it can be in her behaviour. She is not indifferent at all, she pretends to be but as soon as I am mentioned in some emotional manner, she just puts up the wall until the problem goes away. I really think she is about to get married in a rebound manner because her parents have found her someone.
Problem with that is, when she does realise, she will have hurt more people than she can thing of.
@aquarius_man - what were your circumstances if you don't mind me asking. I have no problem stealing her, the issue is that even today despite being with someone else she has a massive wall built for me and I know I still affect her. It as clear as it can be in her behaviour. She is not indifferent at all, she pretends to be but as soon as I am mentioned in some emotional manner, she just puts up the wall until the problem goes away. I really think she is about to get married in a rebound manner because her parents have found her someone.
Problem with that is, when she does realise, she will have hurt more people than she can thing of.
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