Are All Cancers Tight With Their Money?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by sinder on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 and has 20 replies.
I have been seeing this guy for 6 months. For the most part he is really nice to me. We go out to dinner alot and i really enjoy his company even though i am not sure where we stand with each other exactly. (we recently started getting intimate and that is fantastic) anyhow, i notice that he doesn't ever pick up the tab on anything. He makes a lot more money than i do and i just have never dated anyone that never paid for anything. it feels like i am going out with a girlfriend sometimes. what disturbs me is that i know for a fact that he bought stuff for his ex girlfriend that was pricey. i am wondering are all you crabs tight with your money all the time or do you have to really know someone a good long while before you decide you want to spend a nickle on someone? curious because everything about this guy is really cool except for the fact he doesn't directly tell me how he feels and this being tight with his cash thing. thanks.
I've heard this about cancers and I haven't met a cancer who seems mean or tight with his money. If anything they give without feeling that it is their turn or whatever. However at the same time they do seem to be quite good at managing their money which again goes contrary to what they say about cancers. The cancer man I'm seeing at the moment automatically pays for everything when we're out or in the shops and I feel a little uncomfortable because I want to at least pay some part of whatever we do.
Sinder maybe the reason yur cancer guy is coming across as being a bit tight is because he actually is unaware of the unwritten rules and that it is his turn to pay. Like maybe he's just a bit in the clouds or whatever. I do think the next time it comes to paying for something that you say *very casually* that it's his turn nw. Don't bing up his ex-girlfriend whatever you do. That is completely irrelevent to the relationship between you and him.
Sinder maybe the reason yur cancer guy is coming across as being a bit tight is because he actually is unaware of the unwritten rules and that it is his turn to pay. Like maybe he's just a bit in the clouds or whatever. I do think the next time it comes to paying for something that you say *very casually* that it's his turn nw. Don't bing up his ex-girlfriend whatever you do. That is completely irrelevent to the relationship between you and him.
hi there
i realized when i wrote this message that it sounded like i pay for both of us. that is not the case all the time. for little things i do but for the most part we just each pay for our own bill. i am just not used to a guy not ever paying or the whole thing every so often. to me, that shows he cares more for you than just another friend.
i realized when i wrote this message that it sounded like i pay for both of us. that is not the case all the time. for little things i do but for the most part we just each pay for our own bill. i am just not used to a guy not ever paying or the whole thing every so often. to me, that shows he cares more for you than just another friend.
i don't consider myself a tightwad, though i do think about money a lot. i like treating people to food, and i LOVE bargains, but i don't like thinking that i'm buying "cheap" things. however, most of the time i do split the bill with friends, but i'll absolutely refuse to let the other person pay when it's a special someone--it's even gotten to the point where it appears she gets mad hahaha....
if he's not paying for you, then that could just be him, and not a trait of cancers, since we *apparently* love to spoil the ones we care about with gifts and whatnot. does he do anything else for you, like gifts? it could just be that he thinks this is a mundane issue and not worth the effort, and will attempt to use other venues to impress you (gifts, trips, etc). or he could just be a cheapskate.
like mellowdee says, his head could just be in the clouds and not realize what he's doing. i don't really know how to address this subtly, since i haven't really come across behavior like this... maybe if you tried saying little things like "hey want to treat me to dinner?" with a big smile? who knows...
if he's not paying for you, then that could just be him, and not a trait of cancers, since we *apparently* love to spoil the ones we care about with gifts and whatnot. does he do anything else for you, like gifts? it could just be that he thinks this is a mundane issue and not worth the effort, and will attempt to use other venues to impress you (gifts, trips, etc). or he could just be a cheapskate.
like mellowdee says, his head could just be in the clouds and not realize what he's doing. i don't really know how to address this subtly, since i haven't really come across behavior like this... maybe if you tried saying little things like "hey want to treat me to dinner?" with a big smile? who knows...
He is making me dinner and when i asked about bringing anything he said no that he had everything for making dinner and dessert.
i did some snooping and found out that he used to pay for his ex girlfriend when they went out together. he footed the bill. so why doesn't he do so for me. i also found out that he was out with her for about the same length of time as me and spent way more cash on gifts for her. why is he so tight with me then? he gave me a book and a cd as girts. please, don't get me wrong, i am not materialistic to the point that it is the most important thing here, however, i am starting to wonder why i am being so treated so different than the first girlfriend. he tells me that he is so much closer to me than he was to her but i feel like he isn't expressing it that way with his money. He asked me out of the blue how much money i made weekly on average. i never asked him about that but i know from asking around he does quite well so it is not like he can't aford to splurge now and again. the sad fact here is that this is starting to turn me off and i might walk away from this situation unless i have some kind of understanding here.
i did some snooping and found out that he used to pay for his ex girlfriend when they went out together. he footed the bill. so why doesn't he do so for me. i also found out that he was out with her for about the same length of time as me and spent way more cash on gifts for her. why is he so tight with me then? he gave me a book and a cd as girts. please, don't get me wrong, i am not materialistic to the point that it is the most important thing here, however, i am starting to wonder why i am being so treated so different than the first girlfriend. he tells me that he is so much closer to me than he was to her but i feel like he isn't expressing it that way with his money. He asked me out of the blue how much money i made weekly on average. i never asked him about that but i know from asking around he does quite well so it is not like he can't aford to splurge now and again. the sad fact here is that this is starting to turn me off and i might walk away from this situation unless i have some kind of understanding here.
it may be that he's cautious with you since his ex didn't work out so well... we REALLY hate being taken advantage of, so it could be his way of testing you. or, it could be as you see it, and he simply doesn't care about you as much.
Sinder I think you need to stop comparing and contrasting your relationship with him to that of his ex-girlfriend. And maybe lighten up about the mmoney thing too. In modern times, men and women are going Dutch more, meaning that they both pay their own share.
With my other boyfriends I actually preferred ot keep things as even as possible when it came to money because it was only fair and I don't see why he should have to pay for me all the time especially since he's not a millionaire or anything.
With my other boyfriends I actually preferred ot keep things as even as possible when it came to money because it was only fair and I don't see why he should have to pay for me all the time especially since he's not a millionaire or anything.
my 2 cents...im a cancer female and make more then my pices b/f. i pick up the tab a lot cause he sucks with money..lol
i really do not mind, i love to spoil him. i was married to a cancer male for 14 years..same thing..he was all about himself. i'm 32 and i think it is ok for you to pay sometimes if they don't have it, but if they do...it is kinda of rude to make you pay your own.
i really do not mind, i love to spoil him. i was married to a cancer male for 14 years..same thing..he was all about himself. i'm 32 and i think it is ok for you to pay sometimes if they don't have it, but if they do...it is kinda of rude to make you pay your own.
Message posted by: MellowDee
Sinder I think you need to stop comparing and contrasting your relationship with him to that of his ex-girlfriend. And maybe lighten up about the mmoney thing too. In modern times, men and women are going Dutch more, meaning that they both pay their own share.
MellowDee i think you have a good point there. i may be obsessing a bit but i just don't understand. he occasionally references things about her that were not as good as they are with he and i. reading between the lines hes saying he really likes me much more and has come right out and said it once. i am very giving (pisces) and have never met a man that wasn't like myself in that department. it is not like he doesn't make good money and can't afford it.
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Message posted by: fiddlesticks
it may be that he's cautious with you since his ex didn't work out so well... we REALLY hate being taken advantage of, so it could be his way of testing you. or, it could be as you see it, and he simply doesn't care about you as much.
Fiddlesticks, i can understand the whole taking advantage thing, i am cautious about that myself. i thought about the whole testing thing but it has been over 6 months now..........He does DO things for me though, lend me things, cook for me, but he just doesn't spend any money on me. even at christmas, i spend over 100, he maybe spent 20 on me. if he likes me more then why doesn't he show it in that department as well? i really need to determine if this guy is testing like you said or tight. if he he this tight with me for whatever reason i may leave this relationship come next month. being direct with him doesn't seem to work.
if there are any suggestions, it is appreciated
Sinder I think you need to stop comparing and contrasting your relationship with him to that of his ex-girlfriend. And maybe lighten up about the mmoney thing too. In modern times, men and women are going Dutch more, meaning that they both pay their own share.
MellowDee i think you have a good point there. i may be obsessing a bit but i just don't understand. he occasionally references things about her that were not as good as they are with he and i. reading between the lines hes saying he really likes me much more and has come right out and said it once. i am very giving (pisces) and have never met a man that wasn't like myself in that department. it is not like he doesn't make good money and can't afford it.
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Message posted by: fiddlesticks
it may be that he's cautious with you since his ex didn't work out so well... we REALLY hate being taken advantage of, so it could be his way of testing you. or, it could be as you see it, and he simply doesn't care about you as much.
Fiddlesticks, i can understand the whole taking advantage thing, i am cautious about that myself. i thought about the whole testing thing but it has been over 6 months now..........He does DO things for me though, lend me things, cook for me, but he just doesn't spend any money on me. even at christmas, i spend over 100, he maybe spent 20 on me. if he likes me more then why doesn't he show it in that department as well? i really need to determine if this guy is testing like you said or tight. if he he this tight with me for whatever reason i may leave this relationship come next month. being direct with him doesn't seem to work.
if there are any suggestions, it is appreciated
You are better off with a tight wad cancerian than with a spendthrift one. Those with lose purse strings have severe emotional problems.
well i am glad he isn't a spendthrift but i just wish he would show me something. i always buy him little things and i havent't gotten anything from him at this point. i am starting to feel foolish.
I completely agree with Mellowdee. Cancers are very particular about "paying back". If they are being so rude as nevr pckign up the tab ther ei 100% probability that their head is in the cloud. If you feel foolish giving gifts without the kind of recipocation that you seek, then stop it for a while. But keep on givng your love. Matters like picking the tab & gifts should not be a matter at all. But if you have soem expectations then what you coud do is before going on a date next time tell him that "honey cant afford an outing for you tonight, lets hot it up in my bathtub"
from all your good advice, i see that i should still give this person a chance and not throw in the towel. like i said in the earlier message, he has fantastic qualities but i just have a serious distaste for stingy people and i can't overlook that for too long without it causing a problem down the road.
he is a typical cancerian though, he went after christmas shopping and was like a kid in the candystore telling me about all his bargains. he likes nice stuff but is very cautious about the money he will spend on things.
i am going to keep seeing him and see what happens and try not to get so hung up. i realize now that the other guys i dated always bought me things to show their love for me and that is all i have really known. what is different about this guy is that even though he isn't buying me things. he does things like makes dinner or lunch, writes me poetry, makes cds with songs he thinks i would like etc...i am thinking that perhaps i am a little different type of person to him than what he has ever dated before. maybe he is acting different with me than his last girlfriend because he is trying to be deefper instead of more superficial.....just my theories combined with you alls advice...time will tell i guess
he is a typical cancerian though, he went after christmas shopping and was like a kid in the candystore telling me about all his bargains. he likes nice stuff but is very cautious about the money he will spend on things.
i am going to keep seeing him and see what happens and try not to get so hung up. i realize now that the other guys i dated always bought me things to show their love for me and that is all i have really known. what is different about this guy is that even though he isn't buying me things. he does things like makes dinner or lunch, writes me poetry, makes cds with songs he thinks i would like etc...i am thinking that perhaps i am a little different type of person to him than what he has ever dated before. maybe he is acting different with me than his last girlfriend because he is trying to be deefper instead of more superficial.....just my theories combined with you alls advice...time will tell i guess
from all your good advice, i see that i should still give this person a chance and not throw in the towel. like i said in the earlier message, he has fantastic qualities but i just have a serious distaste for stingy people and i can't overlook that for too long without it causing a problem down the road.
he is a typical cancerian though, he went after christmas shopping and was like a kid in the candystore telling me about all his bargains. he likes nice stuff but is very cautious about the money he will spend on things.
i am going to keep seeing him and see what happens and try not to get so hung up. i realize now that the other guys i dated always bought me things to show their love for me and that is all i have really known. what is different about this guy is that even though he isn't buying me things. he does things like makes dinner or lunch, writes me poetry, makes cds with songs he thinks i would like etc...i am thinking that perhaps i am a little different type of person to him than what he has ever dated before. maybe he is acting different with me than his last girlfriend because he is trying to be deefper instead of more superficial.....just my theories combined with you alls advice...time will tell i guess
he is a typical cancerian though, he went after christmas shopping and was like a kid in the candystore telling me about all his bargains. he likes nice stuff but is very cautious about the money he will spend on things.
i am going to keep seeing him and see what happens and try not to get so hung up. i realize now that the other guys i dated always bought me things to show their love for me and that is all i have really known. what is different about this guy is that even though he isn't buying me things. he does things like makes dinner or lunch, writes me poetry, makes cds with songs he thinks i would like etc...i am thinking that perhaps i am a little different type of person to him than what he has ever dated before. maybe he is acting different with me than his last girlfriend because he is trying to be deefper instead of more superficial.....just my theories combined with you alls advice...time will tell i guess
I think I've leanred that they need to feel financial secure (have lots of money in the bank)and won't spend there own hard earned dollars on luxuries. They will live in perpetual poverty to have more in the bank. They have a goal to become rich, later they will spend on you, when you reitre.
I ve leanred he expects any gf to pay, he's always been that way. I think he is girlie that way. It makes him feel loved. Every 5th time or so he will chip in but sometimes I feel resent it. He will be extremely generous if your are in a jam, but expects you to be finacially independant. He will most anything you need.
Been with mine for 3 years, marrying soon.
I ve leanred he expects any gf to pay, he's always been that way. I think he is girlie that way. It makes him feel loved. Every 5th time or so he will chip in but sometimes I feel resent it. He will be extremely generous if your are in a jam, but expects you to be finacially independant. He will most anything you need.
Been with mine for 3 years, marrying soon.
YOu know, if i had only 2 choices (spendthrift or tightwad) i would choose the tightwad just for the reasons of security. i am a spender so that would counteract my decadent behavior some. but i have always equated spending on me to be a loving thing.
i guess i have been spoiled in my past relationships with alot of guys that were big spenders. emotionally though, i didn't connect as well or as deeply with them as i do this cancer guy though.
i have noticed that his place is scarcely furnished and that he needs a lot of practical things. i keep having this nagging urge to buy him some of these necessities you need in a house. this is such parculiar behaviour to me. that it is almost like he deprives himself of certain things and just keeps banking his money. i know for a fact he makes really good money and he should have more materialistic stuff around him to reflect that but i guess this is just a quirky cancer thing, i just can't help loving the other qualities about him. i just wish he would take me out for a night and buy me dinner or go to a movie or something to feel like he is taking care of me. i think that is a strong pisces trait that i have. i feel secure when i am getting taken care of. spending on me means love to me and care for me.
this is really quite a different relationship like nothing i have ever experienced:/
so that would counteract my decadent behavior some. but i have always equated spending on me to be a loving thing. i guess i have been spoiled in my past relationships with alot of guys that were big spenders. emotionally though, i didn't connect as well or as deeply with them as i do this cancer guy though.
i have noticed that his place is scarcely furnished and that he needs a lot of practical things. i keep having this nagging urge to buy him some of these necessities you need in a house. this is such parculiar behaviour to me. that it is almost like he deprives himself of certain things and just keeps banking his money. i know for a fact he makes really good money and he should have more materialistic stuff around him to reflect that but i guess this is just a quirky cancer thing, i just can't help loving the other qualities about him. i just wish he would take me out for a night and buy me dinner or go to a movie or something to feel like he is taking care of me. i think that is a strong pisces trait that i have. i feel secure when i am getting taken care of. spending on me means love to me and care for me.
this is really quite a different relationship like nothing i have ever experienced:/
cancers are smart with money not cheep.
Me2u4ever's mate-----I am a cancer and went 4 yewars without a microwave and yes I was proud of the fact that I never needed it. I would rather retire early than have a new car (ever). I spend lots of money on my partner but on neccesities not on entertainment. When money is tight I have to feel safe abvout having the money for next 2 loan payments in bank before I will allow myself to binge spend on junk. When I splurge on my girl sometimes she feels she should sppend the money she was going to before I payed for her Items. So she then goes and picks something out that we do not need and I get upset because I was trying to save her some money but she spends it regardless on items she thinks useful.
There are things in the house that you don't need. I only care for the necessities. I am not happy unless I have 2 pay checks in bank. When I am this rich I will spend on stupid stuff, not really stupid just not nessesities (live check to check with 2 checks always in bank)The cash gives me freedom to do anything atleast in my head I believe it.
There are things in the house that you don't need. I only care for the necessities. I am not happy unless I have 2 pay checks in bank. When I am this rich I will spend on stupid stuff, not really stupid just not nessesities (live check to check with 2 checks always in bank)The cash gives me freedom to do anything atleast in my head I believe it.
Me2u4ever's mate wants to add that maybe he thinks you spend too much already and thinks he needs to save for 2 people. As maybe he sees you as maybe not having restraint when it come to impulse spending.
Did you know that most people spend about 40% more than they make ?(heard on radio), definately not cancers...
Or maybe he could be making up for lost years of savings because she made him spend on her and he regrets spending on her. He is out money now, in his eyes and has to catch .
cheers
Did you know that most people spend about 40% more than they make ?(heard on radio), definately not cancers...
Or maybe he could be making up for lost years of savings because she made him spend on her and he regrets spending on her. He is out money now, in his eyes and has to catch .
cheers
Me2u4ever' thank you for this insight. it makes sense to me.
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