Making a cancer man feel wanted, any suggestions?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by iluvmecancer on Monday, June 25, 2007 and has 112 replies.
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Ok I know me being a cancer female ways a person can make me feel wanted; but a cancer man Mmm.
It appears to be that my cancerian boyfriend wants me to make him feel wanted. Usually it's in my nature to make people feel special, the center of attention and most of all wanted. So it's strange to find out that I am not doing that for him, and perhaps that can be the reason why he acts the way he does sometimes. So what are ways to make a cancer man feel wanted. I mean, I give affection when we see each other, perhaps it's not enough. He told me that me being mushy is a lil overboard, so I stopped being mushy. So what does he want? This is really interesting to me, because this is actually the first time he expressed this to me. So what do you guys think?
It appears to be that my cancerian boyfriend wants me to make him feel wanted. Usually it's in my nature to make people feel special, the center of attention and most of all wanted. So it's strange to find out that I am not doing that for him, and perhaps that can be the reason why he acts the way he does sometimes. So what are ways to make a cancer man feel wanted. I mean, I give affection when we see each other, perhaps it's not enough. He told me that me being mushy is a lil overboard, so I stopped being mushy. So what does he want? This is really interesting to me, because this is actually the first time he expressed this to me. So what do you guys think?
hmmm...maybe initiate sex? i'm speculating here but is he always the one to get things going?
Um, treat him like a man, and not a boy. When a man wants 2 B wanted. He wants 2 B able 2 capture your heart. If U just easily give it 2 him, and he has nothing 2 work 4, then he does not feel wanted. U cannot B a jack of all trades and expect him 2 treat U as a prize. Let him capture, U instead of U giving U. If that makes since. He has got 2 feel wanted. He has got 2 do his part as a man, without U making him feel like he cannot do anything. He knows what U need and want from a man. SO, let him GIVE it 2 U, instead of U giving it 2 HIM. No and it is not about sex. He has got 2 capture your heart on his own. Now, how 2 make him do that. Text me.
sorry Krobe ((bowing down)
LS,
I stated before. U don't have 2 bow down 2 me. I am not feeding your negativity. Just giving others advice.
!
I stated before. U don't have 2 bow down 2 me. I am not feeding your negativity. Just giving others advice.
!
oh my goodness...damn babies...
((spreading around negativity dust))
Lady M...is that u? where's Notso?
Well I doubt sex has anything to do with it; He is not the type to always want to have sex, he feel there is more to it than just that.
Well I doubt sex has anything to do with it; He is not the type to always want to have sex, he feel there is more to it than just that.
I will B happy 2 chat with U. But, yeah, I knew he knows relationships R based on more than intense sex. I can help U. Mines is chasing me out of the closet. LOL!
I will B happy 2 chat with U. But, yeah, I knew he knows relationships R based on more than intense sex. I can help U. Mines is chasing me out of the closet. LOL!
iluvucancer,
Just text me OK? I will do anything I can 2 help U build up his attraction 4 U.
Just text me OK? I will do anything I can 2 help U build up his attraction 4 U.
Thanks Krobe03, I sent you a message. I appreciate your help.
well sex is all us scorpios think about so thats all the advice i can give u because thats all i know
hmph....what a negative life i live
hmph....what a negative life i live
Lol, Lady Scorp; Me being a cancer woman I am the same way.
lady scorp - I still like you - and your negativity dust ;0)
((sprinkle, sprinkle))
thanks, I needed that ;0)
LS,
I am not mad at U either. I just mean that I don't feed off negativity. And I don't hold grudges. SO, no I am not mad at U, If I feel something is 2 negative for me, I either challenge it or back off. But, OH, don't take it personal. That lowers your confidence if U do. I have enough negativity 2 deal with dealing with this Cancer man. geesh
I am not mad at U either. I just mean that I don't feed off negativity. And I don't hold grudges. SO, no I am not mad at U, If I feel something is 2 negative for me, I either challenge it or back off. But, OH, don't take it personal. That lowers your confidence if U do. I have enough negativity 2 deal with dealing with this Cancer man. geesh
Ok, anymore suggestions on how to make a cancer man feel wanted?
iluvmecancer .. my brother is a Cancer and a couple of his ex's has had the same concerns. They thought they were femme enough, sexy enough, devoted and trusting enough, and most importantly they thought they were showing him how much they adored him enough .. and still had the same troubles as you.
The solution was pretty much as Krobe said, however, I thought I would give you some insight as to WHY this happened, so you'd have a better understanding. Keep in mind, this isn't my experiences, rather, related to me from others.
Because of the Cancers tendancy to be over-sensitive .. now, let me explain as to how this pertained to this situation.
If a person has a tiny pimple on their nose .. it's a mountainous boulder in the perception of the person because everybody tends to exaggerate with their flaws, strengths and weaknesses.
If a person has been successful at conquering something, they erroneously believe they are a Master the talent.
My point is .. how people view themselves is always more critical, or more great than it actually is. I suppose it's just our sense of ego. At any rate, because my brother is a Cancer, which makes him naturally very sensitive, what he considers his weaknesses or shortcomings seem a million fold within his self-esteem.
As men know, women like manly men and he believed that because he was a sensitive person .. he wasn't man enough. The outcome, he made his women feel as though they weren't loving him enough because he wasn't confident that he was worthy of being their man.
In reality, my brother is very masculine .. a brute, even .. it was his own insecurity about being needed or wanted for his manliness. Sex is NOT included in this .. a person's sexuality isn't something that's so important to him that it supercedes his sensitivity to feelings.
Those women are gone .. but, his wife now understands and she has helped him overcome this in him by encouraging him to be confident in his abilities as a man, without worrying about his emotions destroying his self image of masculinity. So, find some things he's damn good at and express this and encourage him to do it for you because he's your man .. even if you know how to do it yourself, make him believe he is needed. Eventually, if he's like my brother .. his self-esteem and sense of worth will be healed.
Hope that helped
The solution was pretty much as Krobe said, however, I thought I would give you some insight as to WHY this happened, so you'd have a better understanding. Keep in mind, this isn't my experiences, rather, related to me from others.
Because of the Cancers tendancy to be over-sensitive .. now, let me explain as to how this pertained to this situation.
If a person has a tiny pimple on their nose .. it's a mountainous boulder in the perception of the person because everybody tends to exaggerate with their flaws, strengths and weaknesses.
If a person has been successful at conquering something, they erroneously believe they are a Master the talent.
My point is .. how people view themselves is always more critical, or more great than it actually is. I suppose it's just our sense of ego. At any rate, because my brother is a Cancer, which makes him naturally very sensitive, what he considers his weaknesses or shortcomings seem a million fold within his self-esteem.
As men know, women like manly men and he believed that because he was a sensitive person .. he wasn't man enough. The outcome, he made his women feel as though they weren't loving him enough because he wasn't confident that he was worthy of being their man.
In reality, my brother is very masculine .. a brute, even .. it was his own insecurity about being needed or wanted for his manliness. Sex is NOT included in this .. a person's sexuality isn't something that's so important to him that it supercedes his sensitivity to feelings.
Those women are gone .. but, his wife now understands and she has helped him overcome this in him by encouraging him to be confident in his abilities as a man, without worrying about his emotions destroying his self image of masculinity. So, find some things he's damn good at and express this and encourage him to do it for you because he's your man .. even if you know how to do it yourself, make him believe he is needed. Eventually, if he's like my brother .. his self-esteem and sense of worth will be healed.
Hope that helped
Yeah that is so true P-Angel. My text msgs won't let me text but only a few texts so I am trying 2 build them up. BUt, as soon as I have them builded up. I will give U a call.
I meant a text on this. U have 2 help him build strength. But, not try 2 B his mother either.
"Ok, anymore suggestions on how to make a cancer man feel wanted?"
ummm...ummm....maybe initiate sex?
ummm...ummm....maybe initiate sex?
LS, "well sex is all us scorpios think about so thats all the advice i can give u because thats all i know"
LOL!
LOL!
Pity 
what's a pity?
notso, i'm confused as well..
Ok sex has absolutely nothing to do with making my man feel wanted, that is not an issue in our relationship. I believe making him feel wanted is more on an emotional level, although I started this post asking the questions "how to make a cancer man feel wanted....? I realize what it is I should be doing, I have been with him for a year and a half now, so it's all coming to me on what to do with my cancerian man. Thank you to those who posted your advice and opinions.
I don't want to get into arguments with ANYONE....but I have to say this - if a man wants YOU then he doesn't need to be "challenged" or have you prove that you are worth his time....if that's what he needs then he is only after the excitement of the chase - not YOU. A real man will see how special you are without you having to show/train him.........
iluvmecancer - all you have to do is act interested in HIM....if he feels like he's just there because you need attention from SOMEONE then he does not feel special - being mushy doesn't show him that HE is special - but asking him about his day, his family, NOTICING little things like subtle shifts in his mood and asking him what's wrong [in a non-confrontational way, but just showing you care] will make him feel needed and wanted. And when YOU have a problem - don't necessarily COMPLAIN about it - but ask his opnion on what you should do, let him know you value his input.
Basically just show him you want HIM - not a man.... as if ANY man will do....
Basically just show him you want HIM - not a man.... as if ANY man will do....
Xangelfishx,
I wish U well and I wish U the best of luck with your methods. Esp a Cancer man.
I wish U well and I wish U the best of luck with your methods. Esp a Cancer man.
having "baggage" and faults doesn't mean you're not a wonderful person - and a REAL man will know that....men get away with these games because women let them - no one puts their foot down and says "if this is how you're going to act and make me act a certain way to get your attention then you're not worth my time".
it's not about fairytales - it's about taking control back and refusing to be forced to play games if you want to be liked - by ANYONE.
all this "I know what I'll do..." or "I'll act like this...." crap is just perpetuating this ridiculous cycle.
it's not about fairytales - it's about taking control back and refusing to be forced to play games if you want to be liked - by ANYONE.
all this "I know what I'll do..." or "I'll act like this...." crap is just perpetuating this ridiculous cycle.
I understand what you're saying Katica - but the key is making changes to better yourself - NOT trying to act the way you think will get you the guy. If your behaviors are harmful to yourself or others [not necessarily in a really bad way, but just in a limiting way] then yes, you need to evalutae and make changes, but if there's nothing wrong with you then why hide who you are ? It will always come out in the end. - take lilladytaurus for example - she's trying to be someone she's not to impress a guy who doesn't like her the way she is - how about finding a guy you are happy with who is happy with YOU?
All anyone here seems to be concerned with is molding themselves into the woman this particular man wants..... Like I said - if the only way you can get that man's attention is by challenging him and making him WANT to chase after you - then he didn't want you in the first place, he just wants to play the game.
I applaud iluvmecancer for taking the time to try and understand what her boyfriend is asking for - she's not trying to be someone she isn't, she's trying to find out what things she can do to show him how she honestly feels, that HE will understand, because apparently she's been showing him in a way that he DOESN'T understand. But the emotions are there and they're real - they just need to understand each other.
That is VERY different from trying to figure out what kind of woman the man wants and then trying to be THAT woman.
All anyone here seems to be concerned with is molding themselves into the woman this particular man wants..... Like I said - if the only way you can get that man's attention is by challenging him and making him WANT to chase after you - then he didn't want you in the first place, he just wants to play the game.
I applaud iluvmecancer for taking the time to try and understand what her boyfriend is asking for - she's not trying to be someone she isn't, she's trying to find out what things she can do to show him how she honestly feels, that HE will understand, because apparently she's been showing him in a way that he DOESN'T understand. But the emotions are there and they're real - they just need to understand each other.
That is VERY different from trying to figure out what kind of woman the man wants and then trying to be THAT woman.
it doesn't matter what I say because someone will always tell me I'm wrong. That's okay - no one has to agree with me, I just say what I think is right and people can either listen or decide that my advice is not gor them.
Too many people here don't understand that when you give someone advice they are not obligated to take it - it is only a suggestion for them to consider.
Too many people here don't understand that when you give someone advice they are not obligated to take it - it is only a suggestion for them to consider.
Thanks guys I would like to thank all of you for your opinions and comments, it is greatly appreciated. Im taking it a day at a time here, doing what I can to make my cancer man feel wanted. He tells me when I sit down and talk to him about any issues that we may have, or just engaging in a conversation with him thats one of the ways he know that i am ginuwine and care, it also makes him feel wanted. He says that instead of waiting for him to initiate seeing me I can initiate as well, and when I miss him i should tell him. So I can do that, and at the end of the day he's a cancer as well as me and we just want someone to make us feel wanted and oh so special. SoI totally understand.
Thanks again guys.
Thanks again guys.
yes - I do read the posts thoroughly - and yes many of the suggestions ARE about changing who you are. I don't mention specific names or make comments that are OBVIOUSLY directed at certain people, like some people here do. and a lot of people also contradict themselves whenever they write.
I don't argue just for the sake of arguing and I'm not immediately defensive. People think I'm being defensive only because I am disagreeing with them. The two are not necessarily the same thing.
But like I said, no one has to listen to me if they don't agree. The feedback is there for anyone who wants it.
I don't argue just for the sake of arguing and I'm not immediately defensive. People think I'm being defensive only because I am disagreeing with them. The two are not necessarily the same thing.
But like I said, no one has to listen to me if they don't agree. The feedback is there for anyone who wants it.
oh, and I didn't say that a real man doesn't have faults and baggage etc..... I said that a real man will understand that women have them too - and that it's okay.
iluvemecancer,
I am about 2 send U a text. I have some msgs NOW!
I am about 2 send U a text. I have some msgs NOW!
No need to discuss further on this topic. I am no longer with Mr cancerian BOY, just found out that he is still seeing his ex especially after all the drama we have gone through with her on so many different occasions it's ridiculous, and he still managed to stay with her. Perhaps for this moment, I am not girlfriend or wife material, I am still young anyway so there is so much I need to learn. Hopefully one day I will end up with someone who is ginuine and has all the great qualities I deserve in a man. I know that I am a good woman and I have tried extremely hard,but all of my work has failed. After being with him for a year it was clear that his focus was not on me. And it's no wonder I only seen him once a week, I was just sideline ho material. Its really sad and it hurts so much, I am trying hard to hold my tears back because I am at work, so I have to pull it together. There is nothing I do besides move on and be single for a while, and build myself back up gaining all the strength that I need.
Thanks again to all of you guys who have posted your comments and opinions. But now it's over.
But it's ok what goes around will ALWAYS come back around. Karma is a B****
Thanks again to all of you guys who have posted your comments and opinions. But now it's over.
But it's ok what goes around will ALWAYS come back around. Karma is a B****
Why don't you just ask HIM? That's the only real way to know.
But it's ok what goes around will ALWAYS come back around. Karma is a B****
that statement is so true..it has bitten me on the ass more times than i would like to count.
that statement is so true..it has bitten me on the ass more times than i would like to count.
And it's no wonder I only seen him once a week, I was just sideline ho material. Its really sad and it hurts so much, I am trying hard to hold my tears back because I am at work, so I have to pull it together. There is nothing I do besides move on and be single for a while, and build myself back up gaining all the strength that I need.
Oh don't CRY! IT will B OK! I wish I could hug U. But, R U talking about that Scorp chick that caused so much drama 4 him? I one who broke his car windows? Were U the one who posted that?
Oh don't CRY! IT will B OK! I wish I could hug U. But, R U talking about that Scorp chick that caused so much drama 4 him? I one who broke his car windows? Were U the one who posted that?
"But, R U talking about that Scorp chick that caused so much drama 4 him? I one who broke his car windows?"
Damn those scorpion pheromones are strong huh....
Damn those scorpion pheromones are strong huh....
R U talking about that Scorp chick that caused so much drama 4 him? I one who broke his car windows? Were U the one who posted that?
Yes that's her Krobe03, and yes it was me who wrote that. Wow you have a great memory.
Yes that's her Krobe03, and yes it was me who wrote that. Wow you have a great memory.
The same chick who tried to attack me one day when at the time, I had no idea what was going on. There was so much drama with this girl, and he always ends up running back to her like a little b#@ $ % .
Perhaps she made things more exciting for him. Oh well, it's not like being without him would make much of a difference, it would be basically the same because I don't see him anyway, the only difference is I will no longer have the title "girlfriend". Now I just have to hold it together now, and be strong.
Perhaps she made things more exciting for him. Oh well, it's not like being without him would make much of a difference, it would be basically the same because I don't see him anyway, the only difference is I will no longer have the title "girlfriend". Now I just have to hold it together now, and be strong.
He had nerve to turn the tables on me, accusing me a cheating. I have never cheated, although there were opportunities I didn't. I honestly could not imagine being with anyone else, although I have met some really nice guys, I always felt guilty when I was in the presence of someone of the opposite sex. That was just his way to take the attention off of him, and then put the guilt on me.
The same chick who tried to attack me one day when at the time, I had no idea what was going on. There was so much drama with this girl, and he always ends up running back to her like a little b#@ $ % .
Perhaps she made things more exciting for him. Oh well, it's not like being without him would make much of a difference, it would be basically the same because I don't see him anyway, the only difference is I will no longer have the title "girlfriend". Now I just have to hold it together now, and be strong...
2 b TRUTHFUL, MEN SAY THAT LOVE WOMEN WHO WON'T CHEAT ON THEM AND B FAITHFUL. THAT IS 4 MARRIAGE OK! IF U R NOT MARRIED 2 A MAN, U DON'T OWE HIM SH--! NOT A COMMITMENT AND NOT FAITHFULNESS. AND CANCER MEN SAY THAT WANT THIS AND THEY WANT THAT! BUT U WILL B BETTER OFF SPLITTING HIS WIG! HE LOVES THAT BS! IT IS JUST A MUCH NICE WAY 2 DO HARM 2 HIM THEN HE REALIZES! BUT HE WILL KEEP COMING BACK AS LONG AS U LET HIM. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. DUMP HIM UNTIL HE RUNS BACK IN HUMILITY AND SHOWING U THAT HE WANTS U THROUGH HIS ACTIONS NOT HIS WORDS.
Perhaps she made things more exciting for him. Oh well, it's not like being without him would make much of a difference, it would be basically the same because I don't see him anyway, the only difference is I will no longer have the title "girlfriend". Now I just have to hold it together now, and be strong...
2 b TRUTHFUL, MEN SAY THAT LOVE WOMEN WHO WON'T CHEAT ON THEM AND B FAITHFUL. THAT IS 4 MARRIAGE OK! IF U R NOT MARRIED 2 A MAN, U DON'T OWE HIM SH--! NOT A COMMITMENT AND NOT FAITHFULNESS. AND CANCER MEN SAY THAT WANT THIS AND THEY WANT THAT! BUT U WILL B BETTER OFF SPLITTING HIS WIG! HE LOVES THAT BS! IT IS JUST A MUCH NICE WAY 2 DO HARM 2 HIM THEN HE REALIZES! BUT HE WILL KEEP COMING BACK AS LONG AS U LET HIM. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. DUMP HIM UNTIL HE RUNS BACK IN HUMILITY AND SHOWING U THAT HE WANTS U THROUGH HIS ACTIONS NOT HIS WORDS.
Another thing that I find so amazing he tells me that he is fine with just seeing me once a week. Everytime I think about it, I say to myself "wow" someone would prefer to see me once a week, and then when I did see him it was a for an hour or two. Crazy!!! This is all so new to me, I am use to being with guys who can't pull themselves away from me. And he has nerve to accuse me of cheating lol.
Yea I agree, because things are always handed to him on a silver plater, and he doesn't appreciate anything. He's spoiled, his mom gives him any and everything he wants. He has a car as matter of fact about to get another one, thanks to his mom. He has a job and doesn't have to pay one bill. Cell phone, car note, etc paid by mom. I am not trying to put him down or anything but it just goes to show that he doesnt appreciate anything because everything has does not require any work, even me unfortunately. : (
I honestly feel embarassed, and stupid because I have allowed all of this to go on so long; And technically it's my fault why I am heartbroken because I didn't say "NO I will NOT tolerate this". Or at least keep my word.
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