Pls help me - Male Cancer disappearing act

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by nadira on Friday, February 24, 2012 and has 9 replies.
Yet another gal asking for help about Male Cancerian disappearing act Sad
Quick version of story: we dated 7 mos, then he disappeared 3mos after I asked him to let me go if I'm not the one for him. Then, he came back to see me just before he moved back home to his family in Europe.
Since he's been back home, we've been talking just about every week, for hours. I shared the truth about my feelings for him 1month ago (this is after us being 'together' for 1year 3months, though a lot of that time apart).. that he's the only man I ever wanted to have children with. He said he wanted me to be the mother of our children & that he wanted to spend the rest of his life w/ me.
On his instigation, we started working on tasks for him to return to America (he's a Citizen). Things started moving fast when he received job offers requiring him to come to America in 1month. He admitted he was feeling scared. And I had a feeling that it was too fast & soon for him. He told me that he told his family that he was returning to America.. & they're all upset at him. After that, I saw indications that, although he has not said it, he's changed his mind about coming back (so soon). Note: he does have firm plans to visit in Summer.
Since then: he arranged for us to talk, he stood me up. He apologised & arranged for us to talk again. 10 minutes before THAT phone date, he cancelled, then arranged to talk another time. I called just-because, on a different date & he was pleased & then told me he'd EMAIL me the next day (wth?). On the date of the Arranged Talk again, he stood me up again. I emailed him & asked him to help me understand why this keeps happening.
I have not heard from him since. It's been 1 week since he stood me up the last time. Over 2 weeks since we last talked & since I could sense that he has changed his mind about coming back (so soon/at all). Valentine's came.. he thanked me for what I sent him.. but I did not even get a "Happy Valentine's" or "I love you"
What do I do?! Do I contact him?! Do I leave him alone? I haven't contacted him after email & I'm scared if I don't contact him he'll disappear forever...& I'd blame myself.
Question: Once a Cancerian Male tells you that he wants you to be the mother of his children, that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you... do they just bail on you and move on?
Male Cancerians - I'd LOVE YOUR HELP in particular!

A Cancer man appears to be apathetic from the outside but is a hard-core romantic and a soft-hearted person on the inside. The hard exterior that is portrayed protects the vulnerable nature of the Cancer man. Thus, looking at him initially may not project the romantic in him. He hides his real and true feelings deep inside and thus, his partner will find it very difficult to decipher him. Also, his nature of being happy and joyful at one time and then immediately being sad and low the next, will confuse his partner. He is confident about himself but still sometimes feels the need to be reassured by his partner of how much he is loved. Thus, a Cancer male will always seek verbal reassurance from his partner about her commitment and seriousness to the relationship. He needs to have constant encouragement and support from his partner in whatever he does- be it work or things outside work. He may not completely get over his past relationships which would affect his current love life.

One positive quality in a Cancer male is that he gives his whole self to his partner. He is completely committed to his partner. He is a loyal and loving partner. He is happy with one woman in his life and would never seek infidelity. He would pamper and take care of his partner till she is satisfied. He will try not to leave a chance for her to complain. Since security is an important part of his life, he tends to stick to one partner itself. He fears rejection. In case, he is rejected by his partner, it is very difficult for him to get over her and move on. He does not get over people or things very easily. It is best to give the Cancer man some space when he feels sad or distressed.
Thus, a Cancer man is a loyal partner, but his tendency to hold on to unnecessary things may lead to some trouble if not taken care of.
thank you for posting... but I still don't know what to do Sad
You are in luck because my Cancer brother is visiting me and he read this so what I'm typing is his response. He's in his 40's and a therapist. Btw, his moon is in Pisces, venus in Aries and don't know the rest. Ok.....
Cancers don't play the 'shell game' if they are really into you. Let's look at this realistically, shall we? You are not dating one on one, it's long distance for most of the time. Also, you both sound very young, immature and totally incapable of making a true commitment. Stop talking about babies and commitment when you haven't dated one on one for a time. Don't hang onto words, only go by actions and this guy has dumped you so many times that it's a wonder if you have any shreds of self respect left. Is your question really 'how can I contort myself to be more pleasing to someone I love when I don't even know the meaning of the word?' That, my dear, is not love. No one has to contort themselves to appease or find the right words or actions to make someone suddenly love them when all the while they've treated you without the same thoughts. Think about it, he doesn't care what you think when he disapears. He knows you'll be there or doesn't care but tries and oops, there you are, ready and willing to take him back. Why isn't he wracking his brains, scared out of his mind (like you are) that you'll hate him for cancelling so many times? Because, HE DOESN"T CARE!
So, darling, go out in the real world and date nice men. Have a real relationship with a man who proves himself worthy by his actions and treatment of you. It's really that simple. Online/long distance can work but it takes two partners equally committed. This guy isn't. He's actually very blatantly blowing you off so why aren't fed up yet? What made you put aside your self esteem for a guy to treat you this way? Words? C'mon now. You can do better than that.
Thank you. This blowing off led me to be 95% fed-up... I know that I would take him back, but I cannot stand to have that happen again.. that I have to draw the line and walk if he did that again.
I've been torn b/c from what I've read and what others have said, this can be typical Cancerian behaviour... and that I need to be patient and give him space etc. I 'get' the whole giving space thing, but I do not get being stood up.. I find it disrespectful. When I brought it up before he didn't seem to understand why I'd be so upset.
We're both in our 30s. He was never into marriage before, whereas I made it clear from the beginning that I am into marriage. Even though he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, for me, it's not real until we see each other in-person, discuss it, there's a ring and a date. We did say we'd have to see each other in-person and discuss this.
I appreciate the question: "Why isn't he wracking his brains, scared out of his mind (like you are) that you'll hate him for cancelling so many times?" ... because that's what I have wondered as well. My question has been: "if it is that not following through on phone-calls, if it is that disappearing is typical Cancerian behaviour, then how could you do that if you love the other person?? Wouldn't you be worried that they'd leave you?".
So there you go I guess.
Thanks.
Something is holding him in Europe. It could be family but I not for sure. It could be financial and he does not want to say it nor talk about it. When a cancer is really into someone emotionally hell nor high water can keep them away. His heart has left. There could be someone new.
Posted by cancerlovestaurus
Something is holding him in Europe. It could be family but I not for sure. It could be financial and he does not want to say it nor talk about it. When a cancer is really into someone emotionally hell nor high water can keep them away. His heart has left. There could be someone new.


This is what i'm thinking too. Most Cancers won't leave a relationship unless they have another prospect in sight, even if it's just a crush they can fantasize about. Sad Sad yet true...
I also think he's feeling pretty guilty about it, trying to avoid telling you the bad news and confrontation. He may keep cancelling on you, hoping you get the hint...
pretty immature of him
100% with shellshocker. he is unsure about what ever is holding him. that is the only reason i think he is not being direct. if you walk away and do not contact him, he will (a) contact you soon = he really might want to make it work and you have a 50% chance of beating what is holding him back. (b) will not contact you for a while = he really wants and is held by what is holding him back and you are a lesser desired option.

I agree.


Me too!