Cap Guys
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by MyCap on Friday, September 22, 2006 and has 11 replies.
I used to be on this board in the same situation as a lot of you are in now. A lot has changed with my cap. You just have to know how to handle them and to get to know them even tho it seems as if they don't want you to get to know them. They are shy guys, but once you open them up and put their wall down, they will show you who they really are. Just be patient with them. It took me over a year now and we are finally to a good point of finally knowing each other. It just takes time with these guys.
I agree as well. When I first started out with the cap guy, it was rough. With me being a pisces, I handle things much differently than a cap male would. Over time, it has been a learning experience for me. Earlier this week, I did experience some anxiety because I was waiting for a answer from him and it really taxed my emotions.
I have found that over time, he is starting to come around (making a 360). Being involved with him has taught me to:
1. Take responsibility for my own feelings - when he "poof" or do not return phone calls as soon as I think he should it affected my emotions. Now, I try to examine where these feelings are coming from and why they are affecting me so much. When I look at myself, I realize that there are some things within me that are being activated and I need to work on. Generally, it is not really about the "poofing" or unreturned phone call, it is about some type of insecurity within or I am really doubting myself and my confidence in other areas of my life as well.
2. I have learned to take care of me - when I feel my emotions are starting to get out of control, I back off and gain some positive perspective. I devote some time to regrouping. He gets his space and I get mine.
3. I have learned to get a LIFE - it may sound crazy but I was all wrapped up in him in the beginning and I wanted to discuss it with all my girlfriends. Now, I have other priorities that I am devoted to. I schedule time with my girlfriends and family. I am able to now concentrate at work on my work and my goals (personal and business). He is no longer the topic of my conversations with my friends. I try to always keep busy doing something I need to do instead of focusing on him and the relationship.
4. I have learned to be more open and direct about what I want and need.
5. I am more dependent on ME - I no longer look to him to meet my expectations. Yes I have standards and will not tolerate anything or any behavior but I am more realistic in what I expect. Too my high expectations sets me and him up for failure and I have just toned it down and calmed down over the last few years.
These are just some things I have learned over the last three years. Yes, there are times when I get anxiety but I am not perfect. This relationship has challenged me to be more real about who I am and what I want. I try to get him to do the same. So we can have a "Realistic" relationship. Something real and solid!
That's my two cents :-)
I have found that over time, he is starting to come around (making a 360). Being involved with him has taught me to:
1. Take responsibility for my own feelings - when he "poof" or do not return phone calls as soon as I think he should it affected my emotions. Now, I try to examine where these feelings are coming from and why they are affecting me so much. When I look at myself, I realize that there are some things within me that are being activated and I need to work on. Generally, it is not really about the "poofing" or unreturned phone call, it is about some type of insecurity within or I am really doubting myself and my confidence in other areas of my life as well.
2. I have learned to take care of me - when I feel my emotions are starting to get out of control, I back off and gain some positive perspective. I devote some time to regrouping. He gets his space and I get mine.
3. I have learned to get a LIFE - it may sound crazy but I was all wrapped up in him in the beginning and I wanted to discuss it with all my girlfriends. Now, I have other priorities that I am devoted to. I schedule time with my girlfriends and family. I am able to now concentrate at work on my work and my goals (personal and business). He is no longer the topic of my conversations with my friends. I try to always keep busy doing something I need to do instead of focusing on him and the relationship.
4. I have learned to be more open and direct about what I want and need.
5. I am more dependent on ME - I no longer look to him to meet my expectations. Yes I have standards and will not tolerate anything or any behavior but I am more realistic in what I expect. Too my high expectations sets me and him up for failure and I have just toned it down and calmed down over the last few years.
These are just some things I have learned over the last three years. Yes, there are times when I get anxiety but I am not perfect. This relationship has challenged me to be more real about who I am and what I want. I try to get him to do the same. So we can have a "Realistic" relationship. Something real and solid!
That's my two cents :-)
"he is starting to come around (making a 360). "
you actually want him to do a 180 as a 360 is a full circle, which would put him back to where he started.
you actually want him to do a 180 as a 360 is a full circle, which would put him back to where he started.
cuz we're smart asses? 
atypicalfish...is anything but typical.
I've got to agree with you on this one. And I think you hit the nail on the head on helping me understand why I can't let go of this Cap Man (even if he disappears). Because I'm grateful for him.
Because he's helped me be a stronger woman. I am more independent, and more confident in my career and in other aspects of my life. I've quit my job (I was there 3 years and it was my comfort zone) to persue my dreams. I'm back at school to finish my MS...and I'm on my way to achieving my dreams.
MyCap- I'm happy for you too. I on the other hand have good friends that have always watched out for me. They think my cap's disappearing acts, and avoidance of questions are clear signs that there is another woman. I've asked him...and he states that its his work. I believe him, my friends don't.
I've got to agree with you on this one. And I think you hit the nail on the head on helping me understand why I can't let go of this Cap Man (even if he disappears). Because I'm grateful for him.
Because he's helped me be a stronger woman. I am more independent, and more confident in my career and in other aspects of my life. I've quit my job (I was there 3 years and it was my comfort zone) to persue my dreams. I'm back at school to finish my MS...and I'm on my way to achieving my dreams.
MyCap- I'm happy for you too. I on the other hand have good friends that have always watched out for me. They think my cap's disappearing acts, and avoidance of questions are clear signs that there is another woman. I've asked him...and he states that its his work. I believe him, my friends don't.
Wow Atypicalfish! You are a breath of fresh air. It's nice to know that there are some women out there that actually get it. Thanks for sharing.
Signed Up: Feb 09, 2006
Comments: 0 · Posts: 847 · Topics: 15
Comments: 0 · Posts: 847 · Topics: 15
Sensual Taurus,
Yeah, that paranoia of another woman. LOL! It's an annoying one.
Yeah, that paranoia of another woman. LOL! It's an annoying one.
I do not want to come across as being nieve and perhaps there is a possibility that he is spending time with another woman or women. But I think it would be best to talk to him about that to see what is really going on with him.
I know this past weekend, it took him one day to return my phone call. Guess what... he was in a "S.H.I.T.T.Y" mood. I have noticed that when we have not spoken, a lot of times he is in a bad mood or down. He never wants to talk about how he feels so I just let him be and have his space.
I can not make it my responsibility to make him happy or to cheer him up. He needs to find that from within. So I just lend support and an ear if he decides he wants to reach out to me. He usually snaps out of it in about a week.
Contrary to what people may say, I would not just jump to the conclusion that another woman is involved unless you find out for a fact.
I know this past weekend, it took him one day to return my phone call. Guess what... he was in a "S.H.I.T.T.Y" mood. I have noticed that when we have not spoken, a lot of times he is in a bad mood or down. He never wants to talk about how he feels so I just let him be and have his space.
I can not make it my responsibility to make him happy or to cheer him up. He needs to find that from within. So I just lend support and an ear if he decides he wants to reach out to me. He usually snaps out of it in about a week.
Contrary to what people may say, I would not just jump to the conclusion that another woman is involved unless you find out for a fact.
"Yeah, that paranoia of another woman. LOL! It's an annoying one."
Tell me about it. The cap has created so much drama about this concept of the other woman. Everytime he feels as if I am not paying attention to him or calling him regularly-Bam that would make him start his I-have-feelings-for-other-women talks. I realized that Its just a cover so that I wouldnt get too close to him or go after other prospects. These men are extremely insecure. These cap guys hate being ignored or if u dont pay attention to them(when they want u to); so most of 'em use this other woman concept to protect themselves and prevent u from reaching out to them.
Instead try telling them that u have some guy in ur life and watch how easily they lose it(dont try this unless u seriously wanna end the relation with ur cappy).
Tell me about it. The cap has created so much drama about this concept of the other woman. Everytime he feels as if I am not paying attention to him or calling him regularly-Bam that would make him start his I-have-feelings-for-other-women talks. I realized that Its just a cover so that I wouldnt get too close to him or go after other prospects. These men are extremely insecure. These cap guys hate being ignored or if u dont pay attention to them(when they want u to); so most of 'em use this other woman concept to protect themselves and prevent u from reaching out to them.
Instead try telling them that u have some guy in ur life and watch how easily they lose it(dont try this unless u seriously wanna end the relation with ur cappy).
Actually, I have known him for over three years! I did not learn all this stuff over night, LOL. It took me a while! We still have a ways to go before we will be completely "in sink" if we ever will.
Oh, I made a mistake last week about telling him about another guy who was flirting with me. He did not like it at all. So I am going to give him time to forget about it.
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