Deep breaths... deep breaths...

This topic was created in the Miscellaneous forum by RaeofSun on Friday, November 8, 2013 and has 38 replies.
So, I have this guy buddy, platonic. We usually hang out on Thursdays and Fridays, so I told him that I would get dinner yesterday, he said no, he will get dinner yesterday and today when we hang out. Anyways, by him saying that, one would think that we were hanging out today... right?
So, I sent him a text and asked him what he felt like doing later? He then responded that he was suppose to grab a drink with a few buddies, but he didn't know if it was for sure though and he would find out. Well, this caught me a bit off guard. So, I sent him a text and said "you said you were going to get dinner today, so I'm glad I asked you about later, because I thought we were already hanging out, and that may not be the case :-)"
I'm not mad, a bit annoyed. Should I not have even sent that text and just said ok to his initial response? I suppose he could have just forgotten. Either way, I totally get if he wants to have a drink with the guys, I was just am a bit annoyed that he totally overlooked that he said he was going to get dinner tonight. It would have been nice had he acknowledged that and said "hey, I know I said I would get dinner tonight, but the guys wanna grab a drink, rain check?"
I know, I know... I can't control how people respond or what they do, just my reactions to them, and I am trying to work on that now. So, should I not have even sent that text and just said ok?
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Posted by feby16aqua
did he respond?


you didnt even respond to my Truth n Dare!
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Posted by RaeofSun
So, I have this guy buddy, platonic. We usually hang out on Thursdays and Fridays, so I told him that I would get dinner yesterday, he said no, he will get dinner yesterday and today when we hang out. Anyways, by him saying that, one would think that we were hanging out today... right?
So, I sent him a text and asked him what he felt like doing later? He then responded that he was suppose to grab a drink with a few buddies, but he didn't know if it was for sure though and he would find out. Well, this caught me a bit off guard. So, I sent him a text and said "you said you were going to get dinner today, so I'm glad I asked you about later, because I thought we were already hanging out, and that may not be the case :-)"
I'm not mad, a bit annoyed. Should I not have even sent that text and just said ok to his initial response? I suppose he could have just forgotten. Either way, I totally get if he wants to have a drink with the guys, I was just am a bit annoyed that he totally overlooked that he said he was going to get dinner tonight. It would have been nice had he acknowledged that and said "hey, I know I said I would get dinner tonight, but the guys wanna grab a drink, rain check?"
I know, I know... I can't control how people respond or what they do, just my reactions to them, and I am trying to work on that now. So, should I not have even sent that text and just said ok?


I wouldnt have responded that way. Be easy breezy. He just a guy friend right?
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No, this isn't the aries buddy, this is just another friend of mine. I know, after I sent that text, I regretted it, but I just wanted to bring to his attention that we did have plans to hang out. He's a total friend, I would feel the same way if it were one of my girl friends.
He did respond, but didn't touch on the topic, which is fine, I don't want to make a big deal out of it... I just wanted to call him out on it. We are just texting back and forth about this and that as usual. I'm not going to bring it up again or anything... girl scouts promise.
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I did however tell him that I'm sure "Bob" could use the guy time, he's going through a lot right now and put a smiley face.
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Ditto ^
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are you sure he sees it as platonic?
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I know I see it as platonic, I'm not sure how he sees it, I've never asked. We're pretty comfortable around each other and what not... he hasn't given me any clues that he may see it as more?
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if he has a lil somethin somethin for ya he might have known he was being a bit inconsiderate and changed plans without warning if he's a bit fed up with being "platonic"
I'm not saying that's the case but let's be honest
Guys and girls being "just friends".. common
Either you liked him a little, he liked you a little (maybe in the past)
Or maybe it's not emotional, he finds you or you find him slightly attractive
However weak a bond is, it's still a bond and it's based on something
And unless you both have a lot in common or work together
Prob not 100% platonic for both of you
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a lot of this has to do with how often you hang out tho
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So far it seems this guy is usually consistent, so I would give him a pass just this once since it's not like he does this to you all the time
I get it. It's not that you personally like him. It's just that you're 1 of those people who like for things to go as planned & if not, want a lot of time's notice, no matter who it is. Gotcha
And I agree with Tizani. When you want someone to take you seriously or acknowledge that something is a petpeeve of yours, you can't be passive-aggressive. And yes, that smiley face was passive-aggressiveness.
Just let it go. You've spoken your peace, so let it go. It's not like he lead you on so much so that he had you show up to the place & him stand you up. Yes, he should've given you an earlier notice, BUT technically he might've, but you might've said something before he even had the chance.
Just let it go. A 1st time offense doesn't deserve a 5th time offense reaction lol
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I'm not mad, a bit annoyed. Should I not have even sent that text and just said ok to his initial response? I suppose he could have just forgotten. Either way, I totally get if he wants to have a drink with the guys, I was just am a bit annoyed that he totally overlooked that he said he was going to get dinner tonight. It would have been nice had he acknowledged that and said "hey, I know I said I would get dinner tonight, but the guys wanna grab a drink, rain check?"
Sounds like his way of saying raincheck if he has other plans to go out drinking with his buddies instead of dinner.
Happens all the time. No stress.
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ARoarLikeThunder: We've been friends for some time now, but I guess I've never really read between the lines or looked any further then just whats in front of me with him. Oh gosh, I really hope not, because I have a tendency to push guy friends away that have a crush, that I'm not into, and I really enjoy hanging out with him.
Tizani: Yes, I now get the happy face. The reason why I put it on there though, was to make a point of "hey, I'm annoyed that you did this, but I'm not pissed" meaning, I'll get over it. Since he doesn't do it often, if ever really, but I however did want to call him out on it. Should it happen again, trust me... there will be no smiley face.
kysereen7: yes, I like to have plans. Only because I don't want to sit at home on a Friday, so if he has other plans, that's fine, but let me know, so that I can make other ones.
soultalk: I am always available to my friends. I don't have that many, so if someone wants to hang out, I'm your gal. I don't necessarily think that I'm dependent, I just don't like to sit at home, and well... I personally find it boring to go out by myself. My sister and brother both have a significant others, and alot of people my age these days that I am friends with have kids and husbands... there are only a handful of us who are single.
mfwb: Yes, you bring up a good point. He is a guy afterall, some men's way of communicating things aren't as elaborate as some of us women. I would have given this paragraph of an explanation :-)
Funny thing, since that text, he was texting non-stop. Then he just called... and asked me what I felt like doing. I asked him what happened to a night out with the guys. He said "Bob" was feeling depressed and didn't want to go out, and that was my whole reason for us 3 to go out, was for him to get out and talk things out a bit. So, looks like we are hanging out afterall.
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See, no worries
Maybe this guy does like you as more than a friend. No use speculating though b/c it's best to assume that if someone is interested in you, they'll tell you.
Plus, guys & girls really can be platonic friends who want nothing more of each other than the fun they have as friends. 1 of my closest friends if a male & we've never ever ever seen each other in that way, even when we used to hang out every day.
Is it possible for a guy to start liking a girl after having spent a lot of time with her? Of course. But unless a guy makes a move & makes that known, there's no use in the girl getting all flattered & getting her hopes up. When 2 people can't even be genuine about how they feel about each other, that doesn't set a good pace for a relationship if it were to get to that point
Hang out with him. Have fun. And let what happened earlier, go!
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here it comes again, another pathetic feel-bad-for-me rachel snow thread complaining about how terrible her life is amongst the village idiots she hangs around. Where rachel hangs out with a bunch of twaty dingleberries she has very little in common with, maybe almost nothing except for sex and play dates. Then finds she has more commonalities with a bunch of strangers(slack jawed idiots) on a obscure forum(dxpnet). she subordinates herself to her guy friends, knowing if she took a definitive stance amongst her friends they would cast her out like one of those crazed american idol contestants. the reality is her own loneliness is her own doing by subjecting herself to indiscretions at the hands of people she allows to come with in range of her emotional sensitivities. Her own loneliness is turning into a path of self destruction amongst these people she calls "friends". too afraid venture beyond her own senses which lead her to these "friends" in the first place. how much more crying in your car can you do?
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@HouseCleaning: Oh so you're 1 of those people who like to kick others when they are already down. People like you ruin it for Dxp. People don't post threads so that others can find reasons to put them down & talk about everything else BUT what the poster wanted to talk about. They come here to get advice. And on the occasion that someone can't relate to the topic, fine, but keep it moving. No need to be overly critical if your criticisms aren't constructive. Your post actually makes YOU look twice as pathetic as you're trying to make her look
You can't have that much of a happy life yourself if you're always finding your way to the threads of people you look down on. If you don't like it, fine, but keep it moving.
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@HouseCleaning: Oh so you're 1 of those people who like to kick others when they are already down. People like you ruin it for Dxp. People don't post threads so that others can find reasons to put them down & talk about everything else BUT what the poster wanted to talk about. They come here to get advice. And on the occasion that someone can't relate to the topic, fine, but keep it moving. No need to be overly critical if your criticisms aren't even constructive. Your post actually makes YOU look twice as pathetic as you're trying to make her look
You can't have that much of a happy life yourself if you're always finding your way to the threads of people you look down on. If you don't like it, fine, but keep it moving.
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Posted by RaeofSun
... by him saying that, one would think that we were hanging out today... right?
So, I sent him a text and asked him what he felt like doing later? He then responded that he was suppose to grab a drink with a few buddies, but he didn't know if it was for sure though and he would find out.
... So, should I not have even sent that text and just said ok?


Posted by RaeofSun
... after I sent that text, I regretted it, but I just wanted to bring to his attention that we did have plans to hang out....
He did respond, but didn't touch on the topic, which is fine...
I'm not going to bring it up again or anything... girl scouts promise.



Posted by RaeofSun
Funny thing, since that text, he was texting non-stop. Then he just called... and asked me what I felt like doing. I asked him what happened to a night out with the guys. He said "Bob" was feeling depressed and didn't want to go out, and that was my whole reason for us 3 to go out, was for him to get out and talk things out a bit.


I'm confused-- when he said "that was my whole reason for us 3 to go out"-- did he mean 'Bob', himself, and you?
Or 'Bob', himself, and some other guy (i.e. drinks with the guys)?
Unless that "us three" included you, and I don't think it did-- he not only broke plans with you at the last minute, but he put you on stand-by in case his plans fell through.
Why do you let him do that?
It's rude and inconsiderate; and you're acting as though you may have done something wrong by addressing it.
No.
Posted by RaeofSun
So, looks like we are hanging out afterall.
click to expand


I wouldn't put up with that, and neither should you.
People will take advantage of you, if they aren't already.

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Posted by HouseCleaning
here it comes again, another pathetic feel-bad-for-me rachel snow thread complaining about how terrible her life is amongst the village idiots she hangs around. Where rachel hangs out with a bunch of twaty dingleberries she has very little in common with, maybe almost nothing except for sex and play dates. Then finds she has more commonalities with a bunch of strangers(slack jawed idiots) on a obscure forum(dxpnet). she subordinates herself to her guy friends, knowing if she took a definitive stance amongst her friends they would cast her out like one of those crazed american idol contestants. the reality is her own loneliness is her own doing by subjecting herself to indiscretions at the hands of people she allows to come with in range of her emotional sensitivities. Her own loneliness is turning into a path of self destruction amongst these people she calls "friends". too afraid venture beyond her own senses which lead her to these "friends" in the first place. how much more crying in your car can you do?


@Housecleaning: I believe you are reading my posts with blurred vision. At no point have I ever wanted anyone to feel sorry for me. If you read my post again, I am venting about the situation at hand, and asking how it should be handled. Never once have I complained about my life as a whole or stated that it was "terrible", I have a pretty awesome life and I'm thankful for everyone in it. Just because I have hiccups in the road that I come on here and vent about and look for guidance, shouldn't suggest otherwise... these are moments and don't define my life as a whole. From your post, it appears that you have been following me for awhile. Have at it, read, respond as you wish, but that shit you just posted is an ignorant response to say the least, however you are entitled to an opinion, so there you are. Lastly, if you find that the people on DXP are "slack jawed idiots" then stop lurking and find some other website forum to bully people on. Speaking for myself, and reading your past posts, you're either bored and post what you do to entertain yourself and get a rise out of people, or you are just unhappy.... in which case, I do hope you find that happiness someday. Have a wonderful week, and it looks like the only house you need to clean is yours... of all that bad energy you keep spreading around.
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See you again soon
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Posted by RaeofSun
ARoarLikeThunder: We've been friends for some time now, but I guess I've never really read between the lines or looked any further then just whats in front of me with him. Oh gosh, I really hope not, because I have a tendency to push guy friends away that have a crush, that I'm not into, and I really enjoy hanging out with him.
Tizani: Yes, I now get the happy face. The reason why I put it on there though, was to make a point of "hey, I'm annoyed that you did this, but I'm not pissed" meaning, I'll get over it. Since he doesn't do it often, if ever really, but I however did want to call him out on it. Should it happen again, trust me... there will be no smiley face.
kysereen7: yes, I like to have plans. Only because I don't want to sit at home on a Friday, so if he has other plans, that's fine, but let me know, so that I can make other ones.
soultalk: I am always available to my friends. I don't have that many, so if someone wants to hang out, I'm your gal. I don't necessarily think that I'm dependent, I just don't like to sit at home, and well... I personally find it boring to go out by myself. My sister and brother both have a significant others, and alot of people my age these days that I am friends with have kids and husbands... there are only a handful of us who are single.
mfwb: Yes, you bring up a good point. He is a guy afterall, some men's way of communicating things aren't as elaborate as some of us women. I would have given this paragraph of an explanation :-)
Funny thing, since that text, he was texting non-stop. Then he just called... and asked me what I felt like doing. I asked him what happened to a night out with the guys. He said "Bob" was feeling depressed and didn't want to go out, and that was my whole reason for us 3 to go out, was for him to get out and talk things out a bit. So, looks like we are hanging out afterall.


Lol. Only via text, it's harder to portray whole-sentence-type emotions.
"I'm mad but not that mad so don't think I'm really mad at you"
If I get a text that's a rebuke and then a smiley face I perceive it more as "bitchy threat"


Hahaha! Hope you don't cross me next time :]
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ARoarLikeThunder: Haha! Good point. I often need to remember that even though I say or text certain things with a certain meaning, that the chances of someone actually receiving that message with the meaning intended our slim. For all I know, he would have thought the same things you guys did.
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Hi Ellessque, yes... a doormat theme perhaps? I do agree with that; however it doesn't happen always, there are a lot of nice things that friends do for me as well. Unfortunately, I don't come on here and talk about those things, I do to just vent.
However, I'm don't post for sympathy or to complain... I am just looking for guidance. I am the type of person that likes to talk about things to help me process. Since posting on here, I have gotten better... but I do have my moments of taking it up the ass when I shouldn't have. I find clarity and strength from people's responses... they help me view things from a different perspective. I'm aware that there are things about myself I need to change if I want different results, but change takes time...
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why don't you go vent to your friends or this friend, tell them how you feel. tell them the same way you told me how you feel
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@HouseCleaning: Funny you should say that, as I was responding to you earlier, that same thought ran through my head. Here I am standing up for myself to a stranger (no pun intended), without having to consult the boards for guidance, I just felt it and I did it. My issue at times though, is that when I have done this, I feel I overreacted, I delivered it when my emotions were all over, and the point I was trying to get across gets lost in translation with the emotionally irrational way I deliver it. I suppose I felt I was communicating it with my friend about my not being very happy about his change in plans when I called him out on it, but I suppose that was a bit more indirect, when I should have just told him that I felt it was inconsiderate of him to not only make other plans, but to keep me on the backburner should those plans fall through. So, with that being said, I've come to the realization that I can say how I feel about something if I'm upset, the issue isn't me being in the wrong or not right for feeling that way, but the issue is that I need to work on how I deliver that message. See! It helps me to interact with people on here and for me to process things to sometimes come to realize.
@ellessque: I see what you mean, in regards to my fear of being a doormat and not giving myself a chance to "just be". I will tell you, I say a prayer each night to help me stop over thinking things and for me to just get back to being myself and just be. I do feel like I'm too hung up on the wrongs and rights of behaviors and actions. What do you mean by using it against myself though?
Thank you both for reading and responding :-) And thank you HouseCleaning for delivering your message a bit not so rough around the edges Winking
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@HouseCleaning: Also, may I add, that it was easier for me to respond to you, because you are a stranger and I have no feelings for you. No offense, but in regards to my overreacting to certain situations, it is because I am so hurt or care so much for the "offender" that my emotions and responses aren't as controlled.
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@ellessque: Ahhhhh... now I understand. I'm creating something out of nothing. I suppose some of it comes from the fact that in the past, I have always gone above and beyond (my choice, and I'm not saying that to throw it anyone's face, just stating to help explain where I'm coming from) for friendships and boyfriends, but feel that perhaps I am taken for granted or am looked at as less of a priority to them then say "Bob" who isn't even a great friend. So, for example, in this situation that happened that I mentioned on this post, I felt that the friend that had made plans with me chose his buddy... when not only his original plans were with me, but I am the better friend to him.
I don't know... the only thing else I can think of, is that I want people to not take me for granted or advantage of me, but am having trouble finding the middle ground to prevent this from happening...hence, looking into things too much or overreacting?
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Hi ellesque! Yes, I think you totally hit the nail on the head. I am putting way too much thought into the type of friend I am to people and comparing myself to the "Bobs" out there. Then getting upset at so and so, for those reasons. I'm not in there head. I remember once, I spoke to my friend about it. I told him that sometimes I feel that I'm sensitive or come across a bit bratty when he brings up "Bob" because I feel that he isn't half the friend to you that I am, but you go out of your way for him to do things for him that are nice and thoughtful and I get the short end of the stick. He told me that just because he does things for someone, doesn't mean they are more important. This was helpful to me, because the way I show that someone is important to me, is by doing things for them. It reminded me that I can't assume someone feels or doesn't feel a certain way about our friendship, just because they don't express themselves the way I do... we all have different ways of showing someone we value or care for one another.
Yes... I will make an effort to not look into things, to stop comparing, and to just let things go... unless it's a big offense of course. Thank you for responding while you're on the go!
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Everyone is not out to get you. Sometimes the things you analyze so deeply are the things that others haven't even thought about at all, let alone thinking about things as deeply as you do.
I had to learn this growing up. I'd look at things from every possible angle, but many people would scratch their heads b/c they hadn't even gotten that far lol
There's nothing wrong with being a good friend & expecting for others to give you the credit for that. But you can't always be on pins & needles with everyone, watching their every move & having an emotional or verbal response any time you spot something inconsistent or something foreign to you. Not only is that draining to you, but to others too once they see that you may be doing this.
I think it's very noble of you to always make an effort to be aware of how your actions & the things you say affect others. Some people would have much better quality relationships if they were this way! However, too much of anything can be a bad thing.
Whenever you spot 1 tiny inconsistency or see something that seems different, is changing, or out of the ordinary for what you're used to with others, don't be so afraid to give others the benefit of the doubt. Don't always jump to conclusions. Don't foolishly convince yourself that you're the only 1 who has the ability to be loyal.
Sometimes people make stupid blunders/mistakes w/o even intending to. And sometime people aren't aware that some things really bother/get to you simply b/c they don't know you well enough OR b/c those very things may not have bothered them. A lot of the things people do to annoy us are really just innocent. But if you're always on guard & always feeling that it's necessary to "call it out" every single time, you'll notice that you may start feeling even more misunderstood by others.
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@Kysereene: "Whenever you spot 1 tiny inconsistency or see something that seems different, is changing, or out of the ordinary for what you're used to with others, don't be so afraid to give others the benefit of the doubt. Don't always jump to conclusions. Don't foolishly convince yourself that you're the only 1 who has the ability to be loyal."
YES! This is so me! If I talk to so and so before they go to bed on the same nights each week, and they don't call one night like they usually do... I immediately think "maybe they need a break, maybe they are out and didn't invite me, why would they not call me... why wouldn't they want to talk to me?" It's so silly, but when things don't go as they usually do or my friend routine is off... I over analyze it... I have even lost sleep at night trying to figure out the "why". When in actuality, it most likely has nothing to do with me/ It's kind of embarrassing to admit actually. I've gotten better though. This happened last night, and I didn't text them or call... I just let it be, didn't say a word about it, and went to bed. However, even though I didn't care to talk, as I was tired... I did take it personally. I just didn't allow myself to react the way I normally would when routine is broken or there is an inconsistency. Normally, I would have texted or called, but I didn't let myself. When we do talk, we end up on the phone for 1.5 to 2 hours, and turns out they were just tired, had a long day at work and decided to skip the call for that reason.
I'm too much a creature of habit, and just need to learn to roll with it :-)
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Posted by starlover
Is this the aries one that treatts you badly?


lol it would make you so happy if it were
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It would make starlover so happy or me so happy if it were the Aries?
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i think you hang out with the wrong people or maybe there is expectations they can't meet for you. While they appear to be fun people to you with some other characteristics you like, i think they lack the sensitivity to your emotions and appreciation you want. It makes me wonder if these fun friends will stick around if you let out an emotional outburst on them in the future.
i wondering how come you have to come to an obscure forum(dxpnet) to vent some of your frustration? These friends you know don't give you their ears when there is a problem? Like if you have a problem with person A, would you be able to go to person B to talk about it?
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Hi housecleaning! Oh, I've had my fair share of emotional outbursts with my two closest friends. I'm tolerant and patient for so long, but when something pushes me over the edge, I let it go. We're still friends after my outbursts and sometimes they felt I was right, others that I overreacted and made a big deal out of nothing. How I view it? I don't believe anyone is ever wrong for feeling a certain way, if that is how you feel, then it's valid, but the way that you express those feelings can be the issue. And after my outbursts, I felt horrible and guilty. I felt that the point I wanted to get across was valid, but the way I blew up and got all cray cray was not.
My coming on here and posting to vent, rather then talking to them is at no short coming or downfall of my friends, it's my issue. I mean, I talk to them about surface things like frustrations or perhaps about my not being a big fan of getting older or things about my family that I need to talk to someone about. However, when it comes to me and what goes on behind the curtain, I choose to not go there with my friends or family. I don't like to be vulnerable and put all of my cards out there in that sense, I've never been that way. Perhaps it's because I feel those are the people I care about the most and who can hurt me the most for that reason. My closest friends and family will knows quirks, moods, what my body language means or a long sigh, but only a stranger will know what is truly going on inside this mind of mine and this heart.
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you shouldn't have to wait till you get pushed over the edge to express yourself. there are lines that need to be drawn and your friend or friends don't seem to understand. they need to know there is the line, don't fucking cross it, like that whole fantasy football league fiasco. maybe its something you fear of them because your close friends don't respect your emotional boundaries so you have to set aside a different persona for them. while you have friends and close friends, i still don't think you have yourself some good friends unless its just been this aries everyone keeps hearing about which would make starlover wet.
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@HouseCleaning: Yes, you bring up a good point. Being quiet about something isn't going to do anyone any good if I'm just going to explode about it later.
P.S. I don't get your comment about the Aries and making Starlover wet? He is actually good now, still calling and/or texting everyday, I think the space and my distance did some good.
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c'mon rachel you don't need people to do the thinking for you do you, otherwise im going to end up calling you CluelessAquarius. starlover was asking if this recent incident involved this aries you've vented about a few times before. i made a pun along with some other yokel who joked about starlover being very well pleased to know they asked the right question if this recent incident was about your aries friend
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No, I don't need peeps to do my thinking for me, but sometimes the light bulb doesn't turn on until someone sheds some light on what they see regarding my behavior and/ or reactions. When people behave and react a certain way for so long, sometimes it's difficult to recognize certain things, because it's such a habit. Oh, no.... Not the Aries, I would've said so of that were the case. He's actually been on good behavior (knock on wood). Well, have a happy Friday and awesome weekend housecleaning!
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